In Praise of Television Peen

I watch a lot of television. From ABC to HBO, AMC to FX, Netflix and Starz and more but most of my shows are missing something — penis. Oh, there are plenty of breasts, female backsides in dim lighting or girls emulating blow jobs or back shots, but as a heterosexual women I am tired of thinking ‘Where’s the peen?’ or… » 3/21/14 6:00pm 3/21/14 6:00pm

Kate Middleton's Taking Cooking Lessons From Her Own Mrs. Patmore

Over at Twerblyderp Palace, Kate Middleton is taking lessons in Italian cooking from her and Prince William's new housekeeper Antonella Fresolone, known for her "homemade bread" and "delicious pasta." Never forget that Kate's a Topshop-wearing commoner like the rest of us! But this is pretty legit, actually,… » 5/21/13 9:00am 5/21/13 9:00am

The Kids' Choice Awards Red Carpet Is the Most Fun Red Carpet of the…

The Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards — which held its 26th annual event yesterday in Los Angeles — has got to be the most enjoyable awards show ever. From the bright, youthful clothes to the slime, celebrities actually look like they're having fun. Kristen Stewart smiles. It's that awesome. You cannot look at these… » 3/25/13 1:10pm 3/25/13 1:10pm

Judd Apatow's Mini-Twitter Breakdown Is Proof That the Internet Pisses…

When you embark on an artistic career, or are a newbie in any field, you quickly cozy up to nearly constant criticism — or "constructive feedback", if you're lucky. You would never even dream of talking back to those critics, because you're less self-assured as an artist — you're learning the ropes, you're paying… » 12/27/12 6:00pm 12/27/12 6:00pm

Justin Bieber Has Made an Enemy of the California Hamster Organization

The California Hamster Organization (Suggested alternate name: Hamsters, Motherfucker™) have accused Justin Bieber of animal cruelty after he gave his little buddy Pac away to a particularly enthused fan. Their objections are that hamsters "often succumb quickly to illness and death," especially when faced with… » 12/20/12 9:00am 12/20/12 9:00am

Have You Read the Freaks and Geeks Oral History Yet? Why Not? Are You…

The first really "expensive" thing I ever ever ever bought for myself—my first investment piece—was the Freaks and Geeks special edition yearbook DVD box set. I still cherish that shit, Gollum-style, and I've probably watched those 18 perfect episodes more than any other show (except for the British Office, obv, and… » 12/06/12 1:45pm 12/06/12 1:45pm

Vanity Fair's Comedy Issue Covers Have Equal Numbers of Men and Women

The January edition of Vanity Fair is the "first ever comedy issue," guest-edited by Judd Apatow. There are three different covers, featuring groups of comedians. Unlike the April 2009 issue of VF — "Comedy's New Legends" — there are actual women on these covers. In fact, the editors chose six men and six women to… » 12/04/12 11:00am 12/04/12 11:00am

Modern Family's Ariel Winter Is Removed from Her Mother's Home After…

Ugh! Gross! Ariel Winter, the adorable 14-year-old sasspot of Modern Family, has been removed from the custody of her mother following some alarming abuse allegations—including "vile name calling, personal insults about [her and her weight], attempts to 'sexualize' minor, deprivation of food, etc. for an extended… » 11/07/12 8:00pm 11/07/12 8:00pm

Let's Try Not to Be Jealous of 14-Year-Old Maude Apatow

It's difficult — nay, impossible, even — for anyone to come off well in a New York Times Style section profile, especially if said person is a precocious teenager with A-list celebrity parents. So sure, Maude Apatow was born with a gold-plated, diamond-studded silver spoon in her mouth, and the Times got her to call… » 8/27/12 10:25am 8/27/12 10:25am

Here's That Photo of Rihanna Doing Drugs Off Some Guy's Head

There's some debate as to whether Rihanna is seen here cutting up cocaine or rolling a blunt off of some guys head — with the flash making the buds look white. Either way, she clearly has a job in PR if her singing career falls flat after she caused a sensationalist shitstorm by posting an Instagram photo of herself… » 4/19/12 9:00am 4/19/12 9:00am

Everyone Budget for HBO So Girls Will Stay On the Air

Early reviews of HBO's new series written, created, and directed by (not to mention starring) Lena Dunham pretty unanimously agree that Girls is good, but, then again, so is most of the other stuff that premieres on HBO. Even if a show doesn't attract an audience because it's too weird like Carnivàle, too Jesus-y like » 4/14/12 3:30pm 4/14/12 3:30pm