Jezebel 
Enter your username and password.
-
posts about #jonahlehrer more → 
"What Could Be Wrong With Something That Tastes Good And It Fills Me Up?"
New York, 6:50 AM
Fri Dec 4
68 posts in the last 24 hours
Tip your editors:
Editor-in-Chief:
Anna Holmes
| Twitter
Deputy Editor:
Dodai Stewart
| Twitter
Senior Contributing Editor:
Tracie Egan
| Twitter
Contributing Editors:
Anna North
| Twitter
Sadie Stein
| Twitter
Reporter:
Irin Carmon
| Twitter
Editorial Assistant:
Margaret Hartmann
| Twitter
Contributors:
Rich Juzwiak
Email | Twitter
Latoya Peterson
Email
Jenna Sauers
Lizzie Skurnick
Interns:
Katy Kelleher
Twitter
Weekends/Commenter Moderator:
Hortense
| Twitter
| posts about #jonahlehrer more → |
"What Could Be Wrong With Something That Tastes Good And It Fills Me Up?" |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
06/16/09
06/16/09
06/16/09
06/16/09
Disclaimers: Of course it's a crap e-mail, of course he's not just inexperienced but also arrogant and a douche, and of course The Patriarchy, at their quarterly meetings over roast pig and Budweiser, are probably still trying to think of new ways to let guys like this get away with their douchery for the long term.
But it really is true that, when you're a straight guy of that age (or maybe a little younger) with a normal amount of sexual drive, then you suddenly find yourself in the unusual situation -- possibly for the first time in your life (unless you took Home Ec for some reason) -- where women hold all the cards in your life. You realize that women control your sexual fate, which at that age can seem like your entire destiny: If you can't reach a certain level of understanding with a woman or two in your life, then you face tragic outcomes like excessive masturbation, porn addiction, unbearable frustration, or even truly unthinkable options like homosexuality.
I'm not apologizing for any of this dude's tendencies. I'm just saying I can see how the stress he thinks he's under would culminate in a dense cloud of pompous verbiage like that one. Without that compensatory armor, dude's just another crawling insect driven by the basest biological desires. I don't know, I can kind of feel compassion for his confusion under these circumstances.
I guess you can go ahead and blast me now for propping up the patriarchy or some such. But that's what I read in this embarrassing missive.
06/16/09
Several problems with it, though:
-Women often find themselves with little power in sexual situations. Assault, stranger rape, street harassment (with the underlying threat of assault and rape). Ask many woman who had an older boyfriend as a teenager or early 20-something and see how much power they had, in terms of sex.
-So he, like many straight dudes, believes women 'control' sex. Great. He's got a tiny taste of what it feels to be powerless. If women took this feeling out on men all the time, I doubt there'd be much consensual hetero sex at all.
-Chances are he thinks any woman can get laid at any time, which may be sort of true, but so what? He fails to actually factor a sex partner's attractiveness or a woman's pleasure or orgasms into the equation. Chances are he does this in non-hypothetical scenarios, too. It's like... I don't know... saying men have to pay for sex but women can get it free any time they want. Only most of the chocolate in the free bin is tar-flavored or moldy. There are a few good pieces, but if she wants a better shot at something tasty, she has to pay for it, too.
Did I really just use that metaphor?
06/16/09
Oh screw it.
06/16/09
I suggest that the feeling of powerlessness itself probably isn't that novel to most guys, especially if they've played sports or participated in other competitive endeavors against their male peers. If you grew up like I did (and most of my peers), then defeat, humiliation, and powerlessness are just part of a nutritious breakfast. Wrestling's especially good for that.
But feeling powerless at the hands of a woman -- that's what's new to many guys like this, and I suggest that's why their reactions to it are often erratic. Many guys never learn to adjust gracefully to such events and move on. I'm not even sure how exactly one learns that skill, from modeling one's elders or whatever -- I think I must've taught myself from books.
So maybe it's misplaced, but that's why I think I can feel some compassion for this mixed-up dude, even with his crap e-mail on full display.
06/16/09
06/15/09
And what's the chocolate equivalent of jizzing in your pants? A Cadbury cream egg?
06/15/09
06/15/09
Sorry if that's mean. I'm jaded.
Also, Moe and Georgia, I swear to god I'll give you credit but I am so appropriating "dissipated pussy glutton" for my lexicon.
06/15/09
Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! Ack!!!
06/15/09
Guy is just plain inconsiderate, stupid, and banal.
06/15/09
But he never wrote an email like this.
06/15/09
06/15/09
Poor grammar, inappropriate word choice...some sad attempts at structuring sentences.
Still, I'm not gonna lie, I think he's right, though not necessarily for the reasons he says (I mean good DNA matches? Seriously? What are we doing here, breeding little soldiers for the Third Reich?). I think that meaningless sex ultimately erodes one sense of self, and I do think it's better to be w/ someone you know and love and trust.
I thought the last crap e-mail (about the abortion) was way worse. This guy is a little misguided, sure...but he doesn't seem entirely bad.
06/16/09
But I have to disagree. Intimate, long-term relationships can just as easily erode one's sense of self. And I think some people can handle casual sex, others aren't built for it.
06/15/09
06/15/09
I like his note that he wrote this "for a friend" - who exactly solicited this piece of writing?
The worst part is that he's probably going to e-mail it to a bunch of newspapers and try to get it published as an op-ed. Barf.
06/15/09
06/15/09
06/16/09
06/15/09
06/15/09
06/15/09