[Vancouver, November 29. Image via INFDaily.]

[Los Angeles, November 23. Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

[Boston, November 18. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Jennifer Lopez is suing her ex-husband Ojani Noa for $10 million and demanding he stop production of the film How I Married Jennifer Lopez, which includes video of the couple in "sexual situations" on their honeymoon.

• A judge has granted a temporary restraining order blocking distribution of the film until the next hearing, which is scheduled for tomorrow. [Reuters, AP]
• Michael Lohan has released another taped phone call. This one is between Michael and Lindsay Lohan's former assistant, Jenni Muro, who says she thinks Lindsay may hurt herself. Muro says she wants to quit because, "I am trying to save your daughter's life every day," but, "I don't want it on my watch either" if she does kill herself. She also calls Lindsay's relationship with Samantha Ronson "unhealthy" and "an addiction." [Radar Online]
• Jenni Muro says she's planning on sending Michael Lohan a cease and desist letter for secretly taping their conversations. She calls his behavior "way beyond low." [TMZ]
• The Consumer Product Safety Commission says Jon Gosselin should have never let his five-year-olds on his ATV because, "Children under 6 should never be on an ATV — either as a driver or a passenger... Children are involved in about one-third of all ATV-related deaths and hospital emergency room injuries." [Radar Online]
• Jon Gosselin is counter suing TLC for $5 million. [Radar Online]
• Justin Timberlake's lawyer was furious in court today that a judge is demanded JT testify in court if he wants his restraining order against alleged stalker Marty Singer made permanent. He says Justin is currently filming a movie and can't miss a day to appear in court. [TMZ]
• The judge granted Justin Timberlake a permanent restraining order after his lawyer submitted a written declaration from Justin. [TMZ]
• In the video at the link, stripper Nicole Forrester is shown taking the polygraph test, which supposedly found she's telling the truth about sleeping with Josh Duhamel. She says, "I honestly didn't know he was married... I said, 'Are you Fergie's husband?' He was like, 'Don't ask me any personal questions. You know what you know so let's just drop it.'" [Radar Online]
• Fergie and Josh Duhamel spent the weekend apart because she was working in the U.K., so clearly their marriage is on the rocks. [Us]
• Jermaine Dupri and Janet Jackson are back together and there are rumors that they're planning a wedding, but he says, "They've been saying that for years and you don't see a ring on my finger... I guess it just sounds good to have that rumor this time of the year or something." [People]
• Just so you know, Jackie Jackson say's Dr. Arnie Klein's admission that Michael Jackson liked to pee in cups in front of other people is not true. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson's former doctors are feuding. Dr. Steven Hoefflin says Dr. Arnold Klein, "knew Michael was a narcotic addict yet he repeatedly injected him, probably with others in his office assisting him, 51 times over three months with a minimum of 100mg of Demerol and charged him a large amount of money." [TMZ]
• Madonna is heading to Rio to visit the city's slums. State Governor Sergio Cabral says, "She will get to know some social projects; she is enchanted with Rio and wants to help." [Reuters]
• The manager of Guy Richie's London pub The Punch Bowl is asking Richie's celebrity friends to sign a petition to keep the bar open to fight local residents who say the bar is too noisy. [Daily Express]
• In her new book Carrie Prejean accuses Miss California USA director Keith Lewis of pushing her to get a boob job and says he ran his hands all over her body and examined her breasts while she was standing in Shanna Moakler's living room in a bikini in front of other pageant judges. [Radar Online]
• Oksana Grigorieva says Mel Gibson is a "very hands-on" father to their newborn daughter. "He has been very dtoing and nurturing," she says. [People]
• Paris Hilton is threatening to sue a New Zealand company for advertising empty billboard space by posting her picture with the word "vacant" stamped across it. [Daily Express]
• Russell Brand is selling his London home and you can check out pictures of the interior here: [London Brick Work]
• Ashee Simpson will play Roxie Hart in the Broadway production of Chicago for six weeks starting in December. She has already played the role in London. [People]
• John Travolta says that, since his son Jett's death, "We've been working very hard every day as a family to heal... We have our own way of doing it, and it has been helping." Kelly Preston says the family has been receiving an "outpouring of love from, really, worldwide. It's been our friends, our family, our church. We partake in spiritual counseling pretty much daily." [ET]
• Rihanna made a surprise appearance last night at Jay-Z's concert at UCLA. Watch it here: [Perez Hilton]
• Kristen Stewart says since she started filming of New Moon Taylor Lautner has, "Literally become a different person. He's just grown up. He's so confident and the nicest guy that I've ever met. I know that I'm using this grammatically incorrect but he's the funnest guy I've ever hung out with. So he's great. I'm so proud of him." [People]
• Taylor Lautner was asked if it's weird to date Taylor Swift because they have the same name. "It gets confusing definitely," he said. "And it's weird calling somebody your name." [Extra]
• Backstage at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Concert Art Garfunkel asked for a tissue. A staffer said they were running late but could stop in a bathroom. "He literally stopped walking and refused to go another step until he got a tissue," a source said. "He was behaving like such a child. He was very agitated and angry. And this is a guy who's been busted for marijuana possession! Shouldn't he be calmer?" He was offered a paper towel but threw it back yelling, "I said a tissue!" [Radar Online]
• Ryan Seacrest's alleged stalker, Chidi Uzomah, sent the campus of Cal State Dominquez Hills into a panic last year when he walked around in camouflage holding a dummy rifle after ROTC training. [TMZ]
• The Disney Channel has ordered a second season of Jonas, the Jonas Brother's show. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Kate Winslet has been nominated for a European Film Award for The Reader. [Daily Express]
• When asked if the rumors that she's starring in Resident Evil: Afterlife are true Eva Mendes said, "God, no! No, no, no! Never!" [Daily Express]
• Though it was assumed that Joe Halderman would try to make a plea agreement in the David Letterman extortion case, his lawyer said, "there's nothing in the pipeline other than preparing a case for trial." [N.Y. Observer]
• Tiffani Theissen and her husband, Brady Smith, are expecting their first baby in May. [People]
• Maksim Chmerkovskiy has already been voted off DWTS, but he advises, "Mya needs to step it up because she has been a frontrunner the whole time and now she's kind of ‘pfft.'" [People]
• Lamar Odom was in a car accident in 2007 and offered the victim a settlement, but she refused and has filed a lawsuit against him. [TMZ]
• A judge has ruled that Warren Beatty can go ahead with his lawsuit against the Tribune Co over the right to the Dick Tracy comic strip. [Reuters]
• Mario Lopez introduced his girlfriend Courtney Mazza to his mom at a recent dinner in San Diego. "Everyone was laughing and having a good time," says an eyewitness. "There was never an awkward moment." [Star]
• W editor Kevin West said during her cover shoot Demi Moore, "was like a newlywed in love, talking about how wonderful [Ashton] was and how much the relationship meant to her. She basically said when they met it was love at first sight." [W]
• Jennie Garth says her character won't break up Debbie and Harry Wilson on 90210. "I'm not a big fan of that storyline," she said. "It's just bizarre and weird. I don't think it's going to go anywhere. I'm not going to let Kelly be a homewrecker, so there's no place for it to really go." [E!]
• Leighton Meester says she's never been intimidated by fashion. "My mother always had a great sense of style. I always looked up to her. Ever since [Gossip Girl] I can differentiate between the character and myself. It gave me a launching point to develop my own sense of style," she says. [W]
• Peter Andre is still mad at Jordan for revealing that she had an abortion during their marriage. "Pete has always been passionately anti-abortion and Jordan knows that," says a source. "It's terrible she feels the need to talk about this so publicly. It drags up a whole lot of emotions for Pete when he just wants to move on. Pete keeps thinking about those lost children." [News Of The World]
• Sophia Loren says of working with Daniel Day-Lewis on Nine, "Daniel is incredible. He is hypnotic, magical, beautiful and brilliant; but he is also very scary. Every time I did a scene with him he was so deep and so real that it was almost intimidating." [Daily Express]
• Last night's third-season finale of Mad Men drew 2.32 million viewers, making it the most watched finale in the show's history. [Media Week]
• In an interview with John Slattery and Talia Balsam, who are married in real life and divorced on Mad Men, Slattery says it's different working with your spouse because, "You don't have to create a history – we did that scene where I have a heart attack, she comes in and I mean I fell apart because you're pretending to have a heart attack, it's supposed to be scary, you conjure up whatever it is that's going to get you to that place, then Talia walks in and if someone who wasn't Talia walked in playing my wife, it probably wouldn't have been as emotional." [If Magazine]
• Jon Hamm says, "A lot of people, especially this season, are very frustrated and angry with Don and his choices and his decisions. But something to understand about the guy is he's significantly damaged... I do think he loves his family very much. I think he's hard time expressing — or at least maintaining — that and still be true to himself. It's a difficult line to walk. What I enjoy about him as an actor is walking that line. And that's what makes it difficult to watch as a viewer. You're by turns transfixed and repulsed by this guy." [AMC]

• A baby for Jay-Z and Beyoncé!?! Apparently they're working on it. [Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay Lohan was spotted in an alley behind LA's Crow Bar, talking on her cell phone and crying. And, naturally, there are pictures. [Daily Mail]

• Madonna is supposed to go to Brazil to meet Jesus' parents; people are taking this as a sign that an engagement is "in the cards." This paper points out that Madge is 51 and Jesus' mom is 36. Does that happen when Hugh Hefner dates barely legals? No. [The Sun]
• Britney Spears is "extremely upset" by a report in Australia that fans stormed out of her Circus tour because she was lipsyncing. A rep says that she is "embarrassed" to be "part of the Australian media" that has "totally inaccurate reporting" and that the article about hundreds of fans leaving is "the biggest lie." [News.com.au, Reuters]
• John Mayer on the Britney lip-sync scandal: "If you're shocked that Britney was lip-syncing at her concert and want your money back, life may continue to be hard for you." [People]
• BREAKING: Jay-Z is the new Sinatra. Adjust accordingly. [NY Tmes]
• Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy: On! They attended a rugby match together on Saturday. Last month they allegedly had "a rather grown up, intimate dinner" at someplace called Beach Blanket Babylon. [People]
• Levi Johnston and Jon Gosselin posed for pictures together in Times Square over the weekend and yet the planet did not self-destruct. [NY Daily News]
• Hmm: Jon Gosselin is going to Hawaii for the wedding of Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino. [TMZ]
• Just what your Monday needs: A chart detailing how Nicolas Coppola became Nicolas Cage. [New York]
• It certainly looks like Bruce Springsteen's concert put Glenn Close to sleep. Unless she is blinking? [TMZ]
• Cate Blanchett looks regal — and yet unreal —on the December issue of Vogue. [The Life Files]
• Iman, Donna Karan and Agyness Deyn were seen teary at a screening of Precious. [Page Six]
• Gwyneth Palrow joins Nicole Kidman in The Danish Girl, a film adaptation of the David Ebershoff novel that tells the story of a relationship between the first post-operative transsexual, Einar Wegener, and his wife, Greta. It'll be directed by Thomas Alfredson, who shot the sublime Let The Right One In. [Variety]
• Sacha Baron Cohen has created Four By Two films, a production company which will generate comedies starring Sacha Baron Cohen. [Variety]
• Oh lord. There's a film in the works called Sheneneh and Wanda — which would star Jamie Foxx and Martin Lawrence playing their famous female characters. According to this report: "The project originated as a parody of a movie trailer for a film called Skank Robbers, which Foxx and Lawrence made for the BET Awards." Uplifting! [Variety]
• You know how Randy Quaid was arrested for running out on a $10,000 hotel bill? This story, titled "Randy Quaid's Journey From Actor To Alleged Felon," tells you everything you need to know. Apparently Randy exhibited "oddball" behavior back in 2007; his wife Evi called someone a "Nazi bitch" in 2008. [People]
• At the link, six ways Jon Hamm has an impact beyond Mad Men. [NY Daily News]
• Jim Carrey's website is "trippy," and has a "fantastical, psychedelic vibe." It looks like a Dali painting but from someone who likes Canada, hockey and octopi. [NY Daily News]
• Are you interested in seeing Susan Boyle sing on Dancing With The Stars? [NY Daily News]
• Susan Boyle says she is getting back on track, but things were hectic for a while: "My life ceased to be normal when Britain's Got Talent went live… There were phone calls 24 hours a day. They kept me awake for three weeks until I changed my number. It was totally out of control, like a steamroller. It just got bigger and bigger and bigger until, eventually, it can flatten you." [MSNBC Scoop]
• In her new play, Nightingale, Lynn Redgrave takes a look at "the life of Beatrice Kempson, her maternal grandmother, a woman she barely knew and wanted to know better." [AP]
• Dennis Hopper is undergoing an experimental treatment for prostate cancer. "It has great promise," he says. "Everything's good right now." [EW]
• Whee: The Wanda Sykes Show got pretty good ratings! [Variety]
• Michael Jackson's kids helped a dog named Scooby Roo get some wheels. [TMZ]
• Reality show mini series The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty — which focuses on Jackie, Jermaine, Tito and Marlon — airs on A&E December 13. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Joe Jackson is looking for $15,000 a month from Michael Jackson's estate. [Mirror]
• "People want an answer of when we'll be back, and I think it's impossible… It's unfair to say when we'll do Fall Out Boy again. It's hard to be creative. You just feel compressed all the time. We just want to let ourselves decompress." — Pete Wentz, whose band is releasing a greatest hits CD. [ONTD via Music Radar]
• "I come from the slums, I come from a hard background, I come from a poor family, and I was a soldier. And I was a soldier in a war that was a little bit different, so I know what I am talking about, more than most people do. With this script, it was as though someone had been reading my thoughts." — Michael Caine on new "urban western" film Harry Brown. [Telegraph]
• "I'm my own worst critic, and I don't need any more negativity in my life. So I go to my Web site and see good reviews and things that make me feel good." — Carrie Underwood likes visiting her fan site. [UPI]
• "I can't think of a single romantic thing that I've ever done. I would never serenade someone to be romantic – you have to have so much balls to do that. I put a flower in someone's locker when I was 15 years old, this girl called Maria. She thought that it was someone else and the other guy claimed it as well, which is great." — Sparkle Vamp Robert Pattinson is still trying to get the Twihards off his back. Or front. Whatever. [People]
• "I get quite obsessive about things, and possessive as well. I have very, very specific ideas about how I want to do my work and how I want to be perceived, to the point of ridiculousness sometimes. I don't listen to anyone else. That's why I don't have a publicist — I can't stand it if someone's trying to tell me to do something which might be a mistake." — Robert Pattinson. [People]
• "Outside London where I lived, there was no gay pub or bar you could go to. And even if you found one, it was 'Knock three times and ask for Louis.' It was horrible living this secret life. You could feel a little bit what it was like to be a Jew in central Europe during a certain period. It was horrible." — Sir Ian McKellan. [Metro.co.uk]
• "You adore music more than anything in the world, you have a great passion. But that doesn't mean you had to marry the lead singer of every band you ever had a poster of on your bedroom wall." — Patsy Kensit — who has married Dan Donovan of Big Audio Dynamite, Jim Kerr of Simple Minds, Liam Gallagher of Oasis — in a letter to her teenage self. [Daily Express]
• "It would be interesting for people to see that side of me." — 50 Cent would like to be in a romantic comedy. [Gatecrasher]
• "Desperation. I had a sick mom. I wanted to make her feel better. I used to go in there, aged seven or so, and do impressions of praying mantises, weird things, whatever. I'd bounce off the walls and throw myself down the stairs." — Jim Carrey on the origin of his comedic instincts. [Daily Express]
• "It's not just an old person singing covers, no, thank God." — Marianne Faithfull on her new CD. [AP]
• "Every song that you hear on the album has an element of freedom in it. If it's the way that I'm singing, or the style that I'm explaining something. For me, freedom is a big deal — I think for all of us because we're all looking for our wings to fly, to not be held back, to be free to be who we are. So that's another reason why I called it The Element of Freedom." — Alicia Keys. [CNN]
• "I gained three pounds since yesterday. I weigh myself every day. Today I vowed that I was going to wear flats, and then last second, I threw on some heels. I can't wait to sit down already. It's hard carrying extra weight. I'm over the red carpet being pregnant." — Kourtney Kardashian. [NY Daily News]

[Vancouver, November 6. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Jon Hamm High School Picture [Oh No They Didn't]

[Charlestown, Massachusetts; October 29. Image via Flynet]

First: A hobo is a worker who wanders. Wikipedia notes that in addition to "travelers," gypsies were often referred to as "Wise Women."

Don has certainly wandered; Betty is just now getting wise, so to speak. Right at the very beginning of the episode, she challenges Don: "You have no more money." A question phrased like a statement, because she knows the answer. She's seen the stacks of cash in his drawer. She's giving Don a chance to come clean, even though she knows he won't. Not that easily.

The other woman in Don Draper's life, Suzanne Farrell, was also wising up: "I see a man who is not happy," she says. "I'm happy now," Don replies. It's a lie. He's lying to himself. Or it's the truth; and he's happy with things the way they are: Cheating on his wife, sneaking into Miss Farrell's apartment for secret sex and pasta. Either way: Not what Suzanne Farrell believes, or wants to hear.

Meanwhile, Joan was coaching her husband's interview skills. Another example of the "Wise Woman." As usual, Joan is on the money. (Anyone else think she would make a good shrink?) Her intuitive way of dealing with her husband; explaining: "This is a talking profession," came off as experienced and savvy. She knows how to work with people; she's a gifted communicator. In addition, when describing the qualities her husband should project: "You're smart, you're funny, you're great to be around…" was Joan just projecting her own qualities on to him?

Also, since this episode was about secrets coming out of the drawer and into the light, his "I can't believe I never told you that" fit right in.

In bed, Suzanne said to Don: I just wanted more than I thought I would want. But it will pass." This reminded me of "This too shall pass," the phrase Solomon (the famous Biblical wise man) saw on a ring. The ring was supposed to have power: "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy." Happiness fades, but so does sadness. Don thinks he's happy — it'll pass. Suzanne is sad they can't be more to each other — it'll pass. Perhaps she's been in this situation before?

In her father's house, Betty spills what she knows about Don to her lawyer: "He's been married before… It's a lie so big." Her lawyer, acting as a stand-in father figure, recommends: "Go home, give it a try." Adding: "That's what I'd tell my own daughter."

Another thing fascinating about this scene is how the lawyer calls Betty "Betsy." It's been interesting how she has so many different names; with her dad, she would say, "It's me, Elizabeth." Don calls her Betty, Betts or Birdie. What does she want to be called?

Roger Sterling and his old flame, Annabelle Mathis, had a boozy night in which they referenced the war, Casablanca and a love affair gone wrong. The sexual chemistry was palpable, but when she said "you still want me," he replied: "So what." And: "It's different with this girl. I'm sorry."

Roger also dealt with his other old flame — when Joan called, asking for help with work. There was something close to pride in his voice when he recommended her for a job, saying, "She's expensive."

Joan's husband Greg screwed up his interview then took his anger out on her: "Stop acting like you know everything." Rational Joan: "We need money." Greg ranted: "You don't know what it's like to want something your whole like, and to plan for it, and count on it, and not get it." Fool! Joan knows all too well what that's like. She thought she'd be the wife of a surgeon, not supporting a whiner/failure. When Joan hits Greg on the head, not only is she pissed: She is trying to knock some sense into him, and rejecting his notion that she doesn't know what it's like to work towards something all your life.

The sole comic relief in last night's episode occurred during the dog food focus group, in which the pup owners projected their own personalities on to their pooches, who were eating horse meat. Peggy's line, "I can't turn it off; It's happening" basically describes everything about this show: Life is not a well-produced commercial. It's messy business not even Don Draper can control.

We found out that Roger Sterling's old flame broke his heart. She said: "You were the one." It's like she's emptying out her own desk drawer of secrets. Unfortunately, Roger Sterling wasn't moved by her revelations.

Don and Betty's showcase showdown over the desk drawer was chilling. She exhibited a steely resolve hinted at (remember when she shot the birds?) but never explored. It was both shocking and a relief to see Betty becoming a font of strength. Don's comebacks — "you changed your name" — were so weak, he was basically destroyed. So much came tumbling out of Betty — "I respected your privacy too long"; "You're a very very gifted storyteller" — it was almost horrifying. So raw, so stripped down of the usual gloss. So out of the comfort zone. Don Draper shaky? Don Draper unsettled? Don Draper fumbling with his cigarettes? Unprecedented. Betty eventually showed signs of concern — not pity — and offered to get him a drink. But that didn't stop what happened next:

Don Draper cried.
He spilled everything about his mother the 22-year-old prostitute, his Uncle Mac, his half-brother Adam and how they're all dead. We witnessed the Death Of Don Draper As We Know Him, and it was hard to witness.

By the by: Nothing good can come of Greg joining the army. Him saying "Vietnam… If that's still going on…" is most likely foreshadowing. We have the burden of knowing of course it's "still going on." And lots of people die. Good luck with that, Greg.

It was kind of insane that while Betty and Don's confrontation was taking place, Suzanne Farrell was waiting in Don's car. "What happened? Did you get caught?" she asked, which we knew was a double entendre: Never mind the affair. He got caught in the biggest ruse of all: His life.

At the very end of the episode, we see the Hobo and the Gypsy for whom the script was named. It was Halloween, after all: The day which celebrates pretending to be someone you're not. Don Draper's spent years faking it; ironic that he's suddenly been forced to take off his mask. But when Betty watched him kiss the kids goodbye as he went to work, it was as though she was watching a stranger.

So. When Don and Betty took the kids trick-or-treating, and the neighbor said, "Who are you supposed to be," it was an excellent question. Don Draper is his unflappable, hardened exterior. Now that it's cracked, who the hell is he? Is he Dick? Is he Don?

The end titles were set to "Where Is Love," from the musical Oliver!. Though the film was released in 1968, the show premiered in London's West End in 1960 and hit Broadway in 1963.

Oliver!, as you may know, is loosely based on Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens. In the show, Oliver is an orphan who has the courage to ask for more, ends up hanging with pick-pockets (what is advertising but sleight of hand?), but is actually an innocent, though crime is all around him — what he wants more than anything is a sense of belonging. A family.

Earlier: Mad Men: "Enjoy The World As It Is. They'll Change It, And Never Give You A Reason"
Mad Men: Everyone Is Disappointed
On Mad Men, When Is It Rape?
Mad Men: Sex, Lies, & The Recline Of The Roman Empire
Mad Men's Appeal Is All About Joan
Mad Men: Drinking, Dancing, & Screwing
Mad Women Experience Frequent Aftershocks
Mad Men: It's All Fun & Games Until Someone Loses A…
Mad Men: Blood, Sweat, And Tears
Mad Men: "It's A Dead Man's Hat. Take It Off."
Mad Men: "I'm Peggy Olson, And I Want To Smoke Some Marijuana"
Mad Men: "Just Don't Get Pregnant."
Mad Men: Ann-Margret Gives Master Class In Womanly Arts
"His Name Is Dick - After A Wish His Mother Should Have Lived To See"

[Cambridge, October 21. Image via Flynet]

• Someone broke into Kourtney Kardashian's home on Saturday night, taking thousands of dollars worth of jewelry. Hollywood: Step up your security! [TMZ]

• As you may know, there's been a rash of burglaries involving young stars this year: Paris Hilton, Audrina Patridge, Hayden Panettiere, Lindsay Lohan and Rachel Bilson's homes have all been broken into in the last 10 months. Oh, and Orlando Bloom was burglarized, too. [People]
• Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are back together, and things are going well: "We just made the decision that we want to make it work, and the time off was really beneficial for the both of us," KK says. "I think sometimes people need to take a break just to take time off to see how much they need each other and how much they really are compatible." [People]
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom now have a prenup. He'll keep the $33 million he makes in his 4 year contract with the Lakers. Khloe will get an annual lump sum, which will not go up or down throughout the marriage; and the two will have a joint account. Romantic! [TMZ]
• Hug your neighborhood Goth: Trent Reznor got married on Saturday. [E!]
• Beyoncé has postponed a concert in Malaysia; female performers there must be covered from shoulders to knees, with no cleavage showing. Time to rethink that "Single Ladies" leotard. [AP]
• Lindsay Lohan "shocked" people by being "in control all night" at a party. [Page Six]
• Courtney Love failed to show up in court on Thursday in a case involving Elite Maids and non-payment; the judge ruled against Courtney and she needs to write a check to the cleaning service for $3,058.48. [TMZ]
• Headline of the day: "Paris Hilton Lands Movie Role, Demands Lobsters." [Page Six]
• Stephanie Pratt was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence early Sunday morning in Hollywood. She'd just left Holly Montag's birthday party and apparently didn't arrange for a designated driver. [TMZ]
• Stephanie Pratt was "cooperative" and there were no issues with her arrest. She was taken into custody at 3:45 am and released at 10:30 am. [People]
• Here's a picture of Stephanie partying before her DUI. What's with the tongues? [TMZ]
• Liz Taylor took Michael Jackson's three kids to a theme park on Friday. From her wheelchair, she watched the children go on rides and enjoy the Halloween Horror Nights event. [Daily Express]
• By the by, Liz Taylor saw the new Michael Jackson documentary, This Is It at a special secret screening. Word is: She loved it and thought it was "brilliant." [Showbiz 411]
• "Michael Jackson's embattled physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, is quietly trying to sell his story." [Rush & Molloy]
• Susan Boyle must have liked the makeover she got from Harper's Bazaar: She used the images from that photo shoot as cover art for her album. [WWD]
• Kelly Bensimon flashed folks at a fête: "Raising her arm to wave goodbye, the Real Housewives star 'accidentally' revealed she was 'commando.'" [Page Six]
• Expect Josh Brolin's performance in Wall Street 2 to be Donald Trump-inspired. [Page Six]
• "The octomom's doctor has been expelled from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the main infertility professional organization." Nadya Suleman has said that her physician, Michael Kamrava, transferred six embryos, which exceeds the ASRM's guidelines. [USA Today]
• Did you know that Jon Hamm auditioned for the role of Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock? [Reader's Digest]
• "Madonna's 'Hung Up,' in which she dances provocatively in a pink leotard, has been voted the least sexy music video of all time." [Telegraph]
• You guys, stop talking about how Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy might be broken up. She says: "I'm not going to lie – it's not annoying, it's hurtful. Because he is like the most awesome person." And! "We are just trying to be really happy. It makes it hard to do that when everybody is putting negative energy out there." [ONTD]
• Guess what Susan Sarandon is going to be for Halloween? Think "Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me"! [Page Six]
• Cameron Diaz stars in sci-fi thriller The Box, based on a 1970 short story and adapted and directed by the twisted genius behind Donny Darko, Richard Kelly. At 37, she gets asked about the quality of roles for women over 40, and says: "I'm not 40 yet and I don't know what I am going to want. I'm certainly not sitting here worrying about where I am going to be at, I am just making the most out of the life I am living as I have been doing all along." [News.com.au]
• Conan O'Brien and Newark mayor Cory Booker have ended their feud. Sort of. There's now a joke jar: jar. "Every time I made a joke about Newark… $500 would go into that joke jar," says Conan. Yet he adds: "You can rest assured that the money is safe, because the jar isn't in Newark." [NY Daily News]
• Gaga Ooh La La! New Lady Gaga song! Click to hear. [ONTD]
• Martha Stewart's deal with Kmart is dead. Long live Martha Stewart's deal with Home Depot. [NY Times]
• Nas has tax issues. [TMZ]
• Where The Wild Things Are made a monstrous $32.5 million at the box office. [AP]
• So you know how some dresses have little plastic straps inside for more stability on a hanger? And sometimes the straps pop out from under your armpits and look unsightly? Whitney Houston's dress straps broke while she was on TV. [The Sun]
• Monty Python: The Original Kings Of Gore. [Newsweek]
• Dan Aykroyd's father has a new book called A History of Ghosts: The True Story of Séances, Mediums, Ghosts and Ghostbusters; Dan has written the forward and says: "I've had to sell some really bad movies in my time, so it's great when you can get behind a good product." [USA Today]
• Someone paid $15,000 for a clump of Elvis' hair. [AP]
• Ted Danson upon meeting Dave Chappelle: "You are like a hero in my family." After the meeting: "Wow. That was cool. That was my claim to hip right there. That's my only claim to hip." [LA Times]
• Do red carpets make you nervous? Or the paparazzi? 
"Horribly nervous. The red-carpet thing is more of a problem. I had braces when I was a teenager and taught myself not to smile. I never deprogrammed myself from that. When they're shouting 'Smile!' I get nervous. You don't want to see my smile." Are you on Facebook? "I left Facebook. People contact you and they're out of your life, and I don't know why they want to come back in. It's weird." — from a Q&A with An Education's Carey Mulligan. [Newsweek]
• Def Leppard has canceled the last segment of its North American tour — 23 shows — "due to unforeseen personal matters." [USA Today]
• "When I was 11, I auditioned for the part of Joseph in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat at school. I didn't go to an all-girls school, but the boys didn't want to do theater: the girls could then play the boys. I remember that I didn't get the part of Joseph and I was really upset. They cast me as the Pharaoh, and I remember doing an Elvis impression as the Pharaoh. I had this one moment when I realized that the Pharaoh part was actually more interesting than Joseph's. And, in some ways, that set the tone for my career. For me, it's often better to play the great character than the lead." — Samantha Morton. Click through for gorgeous photo shoot. [T Magazine]
• "He's one of the very few completely brilliant directors that I've worked with. There aren't really very many, I have to say, or it's a shame to say. To be an artist in terms of what you see and what you want to feel out of each scene, a kind of master of the technique and the technicalities of filmmaking, and a master of directing actors, which is usually the one that's missing — there are many who have no idea how to speak or to pull good work out of actors — is very rare. Roman was all those things." — Ewan McGregor on Roman Polanski, who directed The Ghost, in which Ewan stars. [LA Times]
• "The best part for me now is that I think for the first nine months mom is so essential. When they start hanging out with dad more you're like, 'Wow I feel like a dad.' You go to music class and do fun stuff together, it's cool. It makes me realize all of the little things that my dad sacrificed when he had me. It's sad it took 30 years but I totally realize it now." — Pete Wentz on fatherhood. [UPI via People]
• "When I was away [in prison], I wrote a lot of stuff, which will be released next year. I wrote a diary and songs. I got into trouble because I wrote on the wall: 'Some things are past understanding, you just need a place to land.' It was part of a lyric. I actually wrote a song about Amy [Winehouse] when I was in prison." — Boy George. [Daily Express via The Times of London]
• "I'll be honest: When I went on that morning show, I was drunk. Yes, I was on sleeping pills and I was jet-lagged, but I was also just plastered. And I never said I wasn't, but that whole Warner Bros. publicity machine got involved and said, 'Just say he was jet-lagged.' I said, 'No, tell 'em the truth! I was fucking drunk in Australia. Big deal.'" — John Stamos, in reference to his bizarre appearance on Mornings with Kerri-Ann in 2007. [Us Magazine]
• "I think I underestimated the way people bracket you. I thought I could wear what I wanted and be an actress and live my life in a certain way, and it would all be all right. I feel we live in the kind of culture now where you have to be very smart to navigate the right way, and I just don't have those smarts. I think with age and time it will change, but I can't obsess about it… This is what I have always wanted, to be on Broadway. I'm living my dream, and that's all you can ask for. At a certain point you have to ignore all the rest." — Sienna Miller, who is in After Miss Julie on Broadway. [NY Times]
• "I've had some absolutely great relationships and some not so great relationships. I've been in some relationships where I've felt terribly alone. Just because you're with someone it doesn't mean you're incredibly happy and complete. I've had some easy and natural, made-sense breakups as well as some rough ones. I deal with them the same way we all do: I'm successful with some and not so successful with others. I don't think my experiences are any different than anybody else's, they've just been amplified a little more." — George Clooney. [Mirror]
• "Parenting is something you can't delegate. Yes, you can find help with the daily things, but that doesn't release you from the guilt and anxiety and concern. Is there ever a time when putting your needs ahead of your children's is acceptable? That is the overarching question." — Uma Thurman, on new film Motherhood. [NY Times]
• "Losing my mother was very traumatic. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. And now I'm older than my mom was when she died, which is pretty strange. She died when she was 35. [I lived with my father after that], he was a salesman and only in his early 60s when he died [of complications from diabetes]. I was 20. I miss him every day. He had a wild streak. He was funny, larger than life, and sad. He's probably in my performance more than I know. I started acting in grade school and kept returning to it in high school and college. Theater departments are usually a big collection of orphans and screwups-sort of lost tribes-and I found kinship there. When I started thinking about what to do with the rest of my life, acting was the only thing I kept coming back to." — Jon Hamm. [Reader's Digest]
• "When I look at digital, the dark side of it for me is the physicality that's being presented alongside the Internet. I think about that movie The Matrix, and about these bodies that are human batteries that support computers. I met this guy who was creating software where you could watch Mad Men and you could chat with your friend while you're watching it, and things would pop up, and facts would pop up, and I said, 'You're a human battery. Turn the fucking thing off! You're not allowed to watch the show anymore. You're missing the idea of sitting in a dark place and having an experience. Are you just like sitting with your phone and you're kissing your girlfriend and saying, "I'm kissing my girlfriend! This is so great, we're having sex!'" EXPERIENCE THINGS!" — Matthew Weiner, creator of Mad Men, at the New Yorker Festival [NY Magazine]

• Penelope Cruz, who is rumored to be engaged to Javier Bardem, showed up to the premiere of Pedro Almódovar's Broken Embraces in New York on Sunday with a knuckle-sized sapphire surrounded by small diamonds on her ring finger. [People]

• Is Madonna trying to get into a Pedro Almodóvar film? They were spotted having dinner together. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Al Pacino says, "At 20, I lived in Sicily by selling the only asset I had - my body. An older woman traded food and housing in return for sex. I woke mornings not really loving myself." [Daily Express]
• A source close to Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston insists, "Angelina really couldn't care less," about their "feud". "And Jennifer really has moved on. I promise you this." [E!]
• Michael Lohan visited Jon Gosselin at his Pennslyvania home today and played with Jon's kids. [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin's lawyer, Mark Heller, who has been suspended by the New York State Bar, asked lawyer Michael Marino to sponsor him so he could get permission to represent Jon in Pennsylvania. Marino has withdrawn his sponsorship and says he only agreed at first because the Gosselins, "Didn't mean anything to me. I thought it was some simple divorce case where some lawyer wanted to be introduced to the court... I don't watch that kind of junk on TV. It was so insignificant to me." [TMZ]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin will head to court tomorrow to meet with an arbitrator to work out their money dispute. [People]
• Ugh. The cover of Star last week declared that Tori Spelling only weighs 95 lbs so she Tweeted: "come 2 my house&weigh me Star! I'm 107lbs." Now the mag writes: "As for Tori's challenge to come to her house and weigh her, we've accepted it - twice! - and we're waiting to hear back from her to name the time/date." [Star]
• Paula Anka says that "This Is It" is a rip off of a song he wrote and recorded with Michael Jackson in 1983. He claims that MJ stole the tapes and his vocal track is used in "This Is It." Anka gave his song to Safire, who recorded it in 1990. You can compare at them here: [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton says she's looking to get back to work now that The Beautiful Life has been cancelled. "There's a bunch of projects I always wanted to make, so I'm going back to thinking about things again," she said. "I just started looking at films." [Access Hollywood]
• Roman Polanski's lawyer said, "The filmmaker is very touched by the support he has received... He also knows that some of it is counter-productive." [AFP]
• Taping of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion special has been postponed to give the cast time to deal with the death of Kandi Burruss' former fiancé, Ashley "A.J." Jewell. [CNN]
• Just so you know, Bruce Jenner thinks President Obama did "absolutely nothing" to deserve his Nobel Prize. He said this while pumping gas. [TMZ]
• Courtney Love has left Twitter, but, unlike Miley Cyrus she has a good reason. She is being sued by fashion designer Dawn Simorangkir for her defamatory Tweets. [Perez Hilton]
• Bruce Vilanch's assistant, Seth Apper, has been arrested for selling coke. [Village Voice]
• Why won't people leave Jessica Simpson alone? She Tweets: "People have been contacting my family and friends saying that Daisy has been found. Untrue. People are so cruel. Please respect her memory." [People]
• Orlando Bloom has been named UNICEF's Goodwill Ambassador. He plans to focus on advocating for needy children. [AP]
• Bill Hader's wife Maggie Carey gave birth to their first child, Hannah Kathryn Hader, on October 6. [People]
• Can the ridiculously dapper Jon Hamm make David Letterman seem a little less sleazy? Check out this video to find out: [ONTD]
• Shauna Sand is fighting Vivid Entertainment because the porn company plans to distribute a sex tape featuring Sand and her boyfriend. She says: "Yes I did make a sex tape with my boyfriend earlier this year. In fact I've made several sex tapes, but I certainly didn't sign off on this and Vivid has no right to put it out. I am trying to get a hold of my attorney now." [TMZ]
• Lorenzo Lamas screamed at Shauna Sand, the mother of his three young daughters, when he learned of the sex tape. She was worried he would sue for full custody, but to prove to her that he wouldn't he wrote the following on a piece of paper: I, Lorenzo Lamas, will not seek custody of my minor children with Shauna Sand. Even in the event of a release of a sex tape with her and her boyfriend." [TMZ]
• In her memoir The Trump Card, Playing To Win In Work And Life, Ivanka Trump writes: "My parents have both led nontraditional lifestyle – but they have extremely traditional relationships with their children... They might have taken me to boxing matches or trips around the word but at the end of the day they were always my parents, not my best friends." [People]
• Sharon Stone hasn't been acting that much and she's been filling her free time with gardening. She says: "What I am finding is that when you start to really clear old, dead things and really take that time to take away the old stuff and organize a garden and clear out and get in the dirt and weed things out and then see the new stuff that's coming up and move things around, this time that you take that actually takes some labor and is meditative and organized with nature, you can get yourself in a harmonious place." [N.Y. Magazine]
• "I'm a single mother with no child support. I have to work. I also happen to love what I do and think it's a good example for kids to see their mother working. My son always says to me, 'Mommy, why do you have to go to work?' and I tell him, 'I have to be able to buy the toys.' He totally gets it." — Kelly Rutherford [L.A. Times]

• Jon Gosselin brought his daughter a birthday cake that read, "Happy Birthday Maddy" today. The only problem? Her name is spelled "Mady." But it's not "Johnathon's" fault: Entertainment Tonight ordered the cake for him.

• The owner of Cupcake Cafe in New York says that before Jon Gosselin came in with a TV crew to buy his daughter a birthday cake, she got a call from "a person from 'Entertainment Something,' ordering the cake and asking permission to shoot inside the bakery when Jon came in." Jon started checking out cupcakes in the store and was surprised to learn a cake had already been ordered for him. A rep from Entertainment Tonight says says the show didn't pay for the $94 cake. [TMZ]
• Another court date has been set for Jon and Kate Gosselin after their hearing this week was cancelled when the judge's wife died. They'll appear before an arbitrator, who could order Jon to return the money he took from their joint account. Jon has filed papers claiming Kate is the one who looted the account. Jon has also made a deal with a TV show to allow it to film his kids birthday party today even though he doesn't want them to be filmed on Kate Plus 8. Kate's lawyer says, "I've never seen a greater hallmark for hypocrisy personified." [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin said of Kate Gosselin appearing in a sketch on The Jay Leno Show last night, "It's messed up, the timing." He added, "What she does on TV, that's her career. I'm happy for her career... I hope she can be happy for my career [and] we can have a career on TV, kind of together, but our kids will come off." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Michael Lohan says an intervention is being planned for Lindsay Lohan because she's addicted to prescription medications including Adderall, Zoloft, anti-anxiety drugs, and bi-polar medication. "Over the next couple of weeks I'm going to be doing things in a pretty public way,"says Michael Lohan, "But Dina has got to get on the same page with me. It's a serious situation. You can't just talk about it and tell me that you want to do an intervention and then do nothing." [Radar Online]
• Supposedly Radar Online has proof that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's wedding wasn't legally binding and Liza Morales, his ex and the mother of his two kids says, "To tell you the truth the whole situation is ‘so out there' and although it still hurts I find it laughable." [Radar Online]
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom have no plans to go on a honeymoon yet because, "I'm filming, and he has a season until who knows when," says Khloe. [People]
• A police officer testified in the John Travolta case today that Pleasant Bridgewater burned a copy of the extortion document and flushed it down a toilet. [TMZ]
• Angelina Jolie says of her relationship with her formerly estranged father Jon Voight, "We're in contact now and writing letters. My parents gave me a strong social conscience as well as any acting genes I may have." She added that she doesn't want her kids to be raised as, "Children who have 'movie star' parents. I grew up around that myself and I want to make sure ours are removed from it." [The Sun]
• Worldwide Pants says Stephanie Birkitt hasn't been banned from David Letterman's set, she's just on a paid leave of absence. [Extra]
• Joe Halderman, who is accused of trying to blackmail David Letterman, told the paparazzi outside his house that he's "not trying to hide or run, but there's nothing I can say." [TMZ]
• Some Australians are calling Harry Connick Jr. a hypocrite for criticizing a blackface Jackson 5 impersonation on Australian TV last night because they've unearthed a video of Connick impersonating a southern preacher on Mad TV 13 years ago... except Connick isn't playing a black man and isn't wearing blackface. A commenter writes, "If he can get away with that in the US why is a dated and harmless blackface skit on Aussie TV so offensive to him? The man is a hypocrite of the worst kind." [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Travis Barker visited the Georgia burn center where he was treated last year after he survived a plane crash. "I'm here to say 'thank you' to everyone who took care of me after the accident," he said. "I was sort of unconscious the last tiem I was here, and I felt like I owed them a big 'thank you.'" [MTV]
• At the link, Method Mad talks to radio personality Big Topper about his time in prison for tax evasion and calls jail, "cool." [Perez Hilton]
• In court yesterday Christie Brinkley and her ex-husband Peter Cook accused each other of violating the terms of their settlement and custody agreements. Cook says, "She is doing everything she can to ruin my relationship with my kids," and Brinkley says he violated their divorce agreement by going on talk shows. [People]
• Peter Andre got into a fight at a hotel bar with Katie' Price's gay friends, who were screaming "childish abuse" at him. [Daily Mail]
• Terry Christian gave La Toya Jackson two unpublished photos of Michael Jackson. Terry said: "I've got two photos for La Toya, one of Michael Jackson and one of the Jackson Five, from my mate in Manchester who was the official photographer on Top Of The Pops for years." [The Mirror]
• A rep for Dr. Phil says he did nothing wrong to the woman who says he held her captive in his offices, forced her to stare at a naked man, and grabbed her breast. He released a statement saying, "Dr. Phil is never alone in the House with any of these guests and all of his interactions are captured on video and/or audio tape. All guests are, of course, free to come and go as they please and once Ms. Dieu expressed her discomfort, and producers ascertained there was nothing they could do to help her, they called a car service to return her to her home." [TMZ]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are in a "race to the alter" ... even though neither is even engaged. [Star]
• Liam Gallagher says, "Oasis is no longer. I think we all know that. So that's done. I know. Without a doubt. And it's a shame, but that's life. We had a good run at it. The thing about Oasis is ... we ended Oasis. No one ended it for us. Which was pretty, kind of ... cool." [The Mirror]
• Jennifer Hudson says of her pregnancy, "David and I were the only people who knew for a long time. I would forget I was pregnant, it was so easy. I didn't have any morning sickness, no cravings either. I just thought, ‘Oh, well, we'll wait until it'll tell on itself.' I didn't show until I was seven months so that made it easy right there." [People]
• Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are back on... but do you care? [People]
• Jon Hamm is featured in the new Reader's Digest in an article called "Tall, Dark, & Wholesome." [ONTD]
• John Cleese says, "I went through a very unpleasant divorce and discovered just how hopeless the American legal system is... For me, most of the things people know me from -Fawlty Towers or A Fish Called Wanda - are things I've been able to write on spec because I had enough money to live. Now I have to pay one million dollars a year until I'm 76. So that means I have to organize my life around earning the first million dollars every year. And the normal sources of income for people like me are drying up. There aren't as many film and TV parts - and you can do interesting documentaries but they don't pay anything. So I'm doing one-man shows and other things." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Valerie Bertinelli says, "I've realized I'm more important than food is. I love a big slice of pizza. But I love myself more. Being thin is about changing the way you think about yourself. It's about saying you deserve to be healthy. In no way have I perfected this eating thing, and I don't know that I ever will. But life is about making progress. It's not about perfection." [People]
• Patrick Stewart told a group of school children that he became interested in acting because going to the movies was an escape from his abusive dad. "My home life wasn't very pleasant, and not fun, so getting out, not being at home, especially to have the opportunity to escape into a fantasy world was bliss," he said. "I hated it when the movie or the Saturday morning ended, and I had to go back to real life. So, in a sense I was being set up for being an actor, for entering this world of make-believe." [The Telegraph]
• Carey Mulligan says of Nick Hornby, who wrote her film An Education, "I'm not surprised, because a lot of the characters he writes in his books, he writes really well. But it is a massive achievement for a male writer to get into the head of a girl of that age and write such a three dimensional lead character. Not a girl who's just an accessory to the story, but actually is the story. It's not surprising because I know how talented he is. I think he did a brilliant job at creating her, being a man and creating this really believable, truthful kind of girl."[Inside Movies]
• "Photo shoots used to make me weep," says Carey Mulligan, "It's easier if I wear something that's not my stuff. It's more of a performance, less about me." [L.A. Times]
• Carey Mulligan says she's adjusting well to being in the United States: "Like, I wish I could say "jackass" and make it sound as cool as an American. I say jackass as, like, [in her British accent] "jahkahs." It just doesn't have the punch. So I've fallen in love with, like, lingo, you know. And New York. I was here for six months last year, and I didn't want to leave then, and this time I don't want to leave. So I don't think I'm going home. I haven't told anyone in London yet." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Peter Sarsgaard says of his character in An Education, who has an affair with a 16-year-old girl, "It didn't seem like he wanted to have sex with her. That was one of my first reactions... I think he actually wants to be her age. I think he thinks he's her age some of the time, and I think he is someone who has a very difficult idea of accepting the circumstances of his own life, and so, like a lot of people-and I mean a lot of people-he is very capable of explaining his life to himself as something that it isn't, and living in a kind of false reality, and living in a bubble of a fantasy. And that's how everybody always ends up doing everything, you know? I mean, there are very few people that wake up every morning and say 'I'm going to do something today that is wrong,' you know? And then go and do it." [Gothamist]

[New York, October 5. Image via INFDaily.]

• Kanye West new life of humility isn't off to a good start. Over the weekend at Common's benefit show in Hollywood he threw a fit when he wasn't offered food backstage and saw another man eating chicken.

• Kanye shouted, "Why wasn't I offered chicken? You want me to perform for free, [and] everyone is eating... why am I not eating?" When his chicken was delivered he took one bite and threw the rest in the trash. [Vibe]
• Lady Gaga says of Kanye West's incident at the VMAs, "He's a good guy and everybody makes mistakes, and he feels so fucking bad. He really does... Everyone likes to focus on gossip, but he's changed music and he's really prolific and an incredible person, and I think it's unfair to judge somebody on one mistake they've made. That moment really portrayed him in a way that he really isn't. It was just a random moment." [The Sun]
• Kate Gosselin went to the Stars, Stripes, & Skates charity ice skating event in Connecticut and her TLC crew freaked out when they realized Jill Zarin and Luann DeLesseps were also there filming RHONY for Bravo. Kate wasn't allowed to get in Bravo's shot and when Jill Zarin tried to introduce herself when the cameras weren't rolling, "It completely threw her off guard and Steve [Neild] stepped in between them, attempting to keep them apart." Later one of her other bodyguards blocked Nikki Blonsky, who was hosting the event, from getting on stage. [E!]
• Dennis Hopper was rushed to a hospital in New York earlier today. He arrived in an ambulance wearing an oxygen mask. [Ok]
• Roman Polanski is surviving on only five Swiss francs (about $5) a day in prison. He is allowed to spend them money on phone calls. He also has a cable television in his cell. Like other prisoners, he's allowed to earn more money by making cardboard boxes or envelopes. [Times of London]
• John Travolta testified again today in the Bahamian extortion trial, explaining that his employee Ronald Zupancic initially told him about the plot to release a document to "imply that the death of my son was intentional and I was culpable in some way." He says he never spoke to any of the defendants and all their demands were made through his lawyer. [TMZ]
• This is disturbing on so many levels: Spencer Pratt says he's refusing to have sex with wife Heidi Montag because he's afraid she'll go off her birth control without telling him. "I'm not even kidding, my wife – OK, I'm gonna get crass here – but we're barely having sex because I'm scared that she's gonna have a baby," he says. "That's the level our marriage is on right now. I'm not even kidding – my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts." [People]
• A judge has granted Audrina Patridge's request for a 3-year restraining order against Zachory Loring, whoc she claims is stalking her. The judge said the evidence against him was "quite disturbing" after Audrina read a creepy poem he's sent her. [TMZ]
• While leaving court Audrina said, "I feel safe now." [TMZ]
• Temple Hill Entertainment has acquired the rights to turn Lauren Conrad's book L.A. Candy into a movie. [Variety]
• Jason Wahler has been jailed in Seattle for assault and a minor drinking charge. A court official said, "He will serve 120 days in jail but could get out after 80 days for good behavior." [Radar Online]
• TMZ has obtained a recording of the walkie-talkie chatter among E! producers at Khloe Kardashian's wedding which reveals the whole things was elaborately staged, including the moment Khloe told Bruce Jenner she considers him her "real dad." [TMZ]
• Matt LeBlanc will star in a new show called Episodes as a satirical version of himself. The show will be jointly produced by the BBC and Showtime and is about a British couple whose hit comedy is reworked into an American show starring LeBlanc. He said he's glad he got the role because, "seeing someone else play Matt LeBlanc would have been devastating." [N.Y. Times]
• Lisa Kudrow and Courteney Cox were on stage at the Rock a Little Reed a Lot benefit concert for Feeding America on Tuesday when the audience began demanding she sing "Smelly Cat." Cox said, "Get her a guitar, people," and she performed the song. [People]
• Chynna Phillips is relaunching her music career as a member of the contemporary Christian duo Chynna and Vaughan. Her album launched on September 22, the day before her sister Mackenzie Phillips went on The Oprah Winfrey Show to reveal her incestuous relationship with their father. [People]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck will return to The View on October 19. [AP]
• For those concerned, when All My Children moves from New York to Los Angeles they will not lose Erica Kane. Though Susan Lucci says her life is in New York, she'll move to L.A. to stay with the show. [AP]
• Wu-Tang Clan's RZA is appealing a lawsuit brought by Ghostface Killah disputing his 50% share of the group's royalties. It was reported last week that Ghostface Killah had been awarded $158,000 but RZA says, "The judgment has not been entered yet, and we are appealing the case. I'm not appealing because I don't want to pay Ghost something that I owe him. Anything I owe him I would give him ... But he's with a group of people who to me have a misunderstanding of hip-hop and contracts." [The Guardian]
• Lisa Marie Presley is countersuing her former nanny who has accused her of forcing her to work without overtime because she says she broke her contract by posting pictures of Presley's twins on Facebook. [TMZ]
• Emmanuelle Béart says even though appearing in Mission: Impossible opened a lot of doors in Hollywood she decided to stick to return to France and stick to art films because: "'I was young. I wasn't ready. I had just had a baby and even though I liked the director, and Tom [Cruise] was very professional, I couldn't bear it. All the press junkets and the interviews… I came home to Paris and I never really wanted to go back." She says she regrets it, "In a way. But I am 46 now. It's not what I am about to do." [The Telegraph]
• Ricky Gervais says of people insulting him, "I love it and I don't know if that's because I've got no ego at all or such a big ego that nothing can hurt me. Someone insulting me makes me laugh." [The Mirror]
• Jon Hamm was spotted buying Mad Men DVDs in a Boston Borders. When approached by a fan he said, "You've got me in a dork moment,"and explained he was buying them as gifts. [ONTD]

• Miley Cyrus will indeed be in Sex And The City 2:

The teen queen will have a scene with Kim Cattrall: Samantha Jones wants to look "hot and young" and winds up on the red carpet with Miley — wearing the same dress. Hilarious? [NY Daily News]

• Rumors that Johnny Depp will be replaced in the next Pirates of The Caribbean movie: "Completely unfounded," says a Disney spokesperson. [Mirror]
• Just yesterday, Jon Gosselin's girlfriend Hailey Glassman was on the Gosselin family website. Today? She's been deleted. [RadarOnline]
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's wedding: A circus. A guest says: There were so many helicopters overhead, you couldn't hear the vows." Ok! magazine made a $250,000 deal for "exclusive" wedding pix, so when paparazzi pictures of the bride popped up on Sunday, the mag had to spend $50,000 on the shots to keep them off the market. As you may know, E! paid for the wedding, after insisting that it be held immediately so it could be on the season premiere of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. [Page Six]
• Ryan Seacrest is thinking about doing a reality show focusing on Khloe and Lamar as newlyweds. It worked out so well for Nick and Jessica! [NY Daily News]
• In other Kardashian news, Kim Kardashian is back together with Reggie Bush. Professional athletes for everyone! [NY Daily News]
• A second suspect in the Lindsay Lohan burglary has turned herself in. [NY Daily News]
• Should Kanye West go to rehab as an apology for his MTV VMA incident? Columnist Courtney Hazlett says "no, no, no." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Speaking of rehab: Amy Winehouse met a "faith healer" named Peter Hippolyte when she was in St. Lucia, and she's planning on flying him to England to help her stay off drugs and booze. Hippolyte says: "We will say prayers together and she will drink bush tea with antioxidants." [Daily Mail]
• Video: Amy Winehouse rapping. Sorta. [The Sun]
• "The timing of Roman Polanski's arrest in Switzerland on Sunday on a 31-year-old rape conviction couldn't have been better for Brett Ratner." Hours before Polanski was arrested, Ratner announced he'll be producing a sequel to Marina Zenovich's 2008 documentary, Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired. [Page Six]
• Mariah Carey says Precious director Lee Daniels helped her shed some insecurities — he made her arrive to the set without any makeup, and forced her to leave the diva act at home. "That was such a freeing experience for me… By making me look so bad he brought out the ability to never be self-conscious again, and that was a gift that he gave me." On the rumors that Mariah and Nick Cannon are trying to get pregnant, she says: "Well, we enjoy practicing." [AP]
• Jon Hamm and Elisabeth Moss are on the October cover of LA Confidential, and inside Jon says: "The [show] is not meant to be on while you're doing dishes, it's meant to be enjoyed and savored and focused on, and it rewards that attention…" [JustJared]
• At Teen Vogue's 7th annual Young Hollywood party, Kelly Osbourne was overheard telling a friend that she was "shocked" how short the skirts of the young party girls were. [Page Six]
• Randy and Evi Quaid are called "Hollywood's Nightmare Couple" in this extensive piece. Evi allegedly self-medicated with Demerol three times a day, snorting it so it would go right to her brain to cure her migraines. A source says: "She also … believed [Michael] Jackson was murdered along with Heath Ledger, Chris Penn, David Carradine, Natasha Richardson, and other stars who (had been) in movies with Randy." The paranoia that someone was out to get them, and that they weren't safe anywhere, lead to a string of unpaid hotel bills. [The Daily Beast]
• "The enormous sign Evi Quaid made last week — which accused her arresting officer of taking bribes — somehow caught fire this weekend…" [TMZ]
• Emma Watson was "shaken" at the Harvard/Brown football game when security guards had to protect her from gawkers. [Page Six]
• Mel Gibson is asking a judge to remove his 2006 DUI from his record, now that he has completed the terms of his 3-year probation. [TMZ]
• Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, has announced that a major US film company has bought the rights to her series of children's books. She says: "The films will run as a series… America has been so good to me. I failed in Britain, and when I gave it a go in America I was ready to fail there, too — but they have really embraced me." [Daily Mail]
• Emmy Rossum, who kept her marriage a secret all year, will be officially divorced in about 180 days. Court documents reveal that she married record label exec Justin Siegel in February, and that he wants Emmy to pay his legal expenses for the divorce and give him spousal support. He's all, "That's all I ask… of youuuuuu." [E!]
• Emmy is currently dating Sideshow Bob Adam Duritz. [People]
• American Idol castoff Adam "Glambert" Lambert's CD is available for pre-order on Amazon, and is currently number 2 — ahead of Madonna and the Beatles. [NY Post]
• Darrell Hammond's name is missing from the opening credits of Saturday Night Live, and a source says: "He's interested in pursuing acting more, but he's loyal to Lorne Michaels, and Lorne will always have a place for him on SNL for as long as Darrell is willing to come back." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Barbra Streisand's new CD is nostalgic, though the recording process was not: "For the first time, she worked with jazz artist Diana Krall as producer, and did it Krall's way. She performed with Krall's quartet of musicians first, then added orchestration later, instead of her usual practice of performing with an orchestra at the outset." [AP]
• Malaysia has banned Bruno because of the gay sex scenes. According to this column, "Gay sex, or 'carnal intercourse against the order of nature,' is punishable by up to 20 years in jail and whipping in Malaysia." Their views on homosexuality suck, but as far as the film goes, they're not missing anything. [Mirror]
• Mary-Louise Parker, 45, is dating musician Charlie Mars, 35. [NY Daily News]
• Jaime Pressley and new hubby Simran Singh got into a huge fight on their wedding night, maybe because Jaime had too much to drink. [Radar Online]
• "The Inside Scoop on Starting in TV" is the story of how Lara Spencer got her start. [WSJ]
• Jon Cryer and his wife, Lisa Joyner, have adopted a baby girl. [People]
• 90210 2.0's AnnaLynne McCord actually wants to be on the cover of Cosmo. [Page Six]
• "A former aide to Danielle Steel is facing time in federal prison after admitting she stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from the romance novelist." [AP]
• Al Sharpton and actress LisaRaye: It's on. [TheYBF]
• Police officials now have the hard drive found with Ryan Jenkins when he was discovered dead in a hotel room back in August. There was no suicide note, so cops are hoping the computer will shed light on the murder of Jasmine Fiore. [TMZ]
• Whatshisname does not have an eating disorder. [The Sun]
• "In terms of the stress there's just no comparison. For me, at least, writing a novel is a great pleasure. There is stress but it's a different kind of stress: more mental than physical. In a film you're working nights and 16-hour days. Here I am saying poor me, when I've been paid pretty well for that work, but it's a fact. It doesn't matter how much you're being paid. At my age I just feel I don't want to do that any longer. So, the writing is really a godsend." — Gene Hackman, who has quit acting for writing, He and Daniel Lenihan have written three works of fiction, and their latest, Escape From Andersonville, is a Civil War adventure. [The Daily Beast]
• "I am enrolling in Berklee College in Boston to get my bachelor's degree in music! That's how important education is to me. I plan to work with Rev. Al Sharpton because that's how important stressing the importance of education to children is to me." — Wyclef Jean. [BV Buzz]
• "I wasn't nervous because I'd got my body and mind into shape for it. My aim is to become an iconic sex symbol and the Playboy shoot is the first step. I wanted to be toned and curvaceous with a nice butt–I didn't want to lose weight and look skinny." — Heidi Montag on her Playboy shoot. She also says: "I'm a C cup but I want to upgrade to a DD cup. I have a curvy butt now and bigger boobs will enhance my shape." [Prz]
• "Seriously, I feel exactly the same now turning 50 as I did when I was 40 or 30. I am enjoying myself. I happen to think that I am just extraordinarily lucky. I am doing something that I am passionate about and that I enjoy doing. There are a couple of charities I am involved with that would appreciate a donation. But please, no presents from anyone." — Simon Cowell turns 50 tomorrow and will throw a big party this weekend. [Telegraph]
• "We're having Gore Vidal on. Larry David is booked. Those two are favorites of mine. And the usual suspects: Ann Coulter. Susie [Essman] will be on. Barbara [Walters] might be on the first week because she's the queen. Alec Baldwin- I can't get him on the phone. I saw him recently at a U.N. function. He's the funniest. He trusts me because I'm not out to get him. I'm not. Last time I interviewed him, his daughter was there and they were really close." — Joy Behar on her new HLN show, which starts tonight at 9pm. [USA Today]
• "She speaks like this weird white-person ebonics. She has this weird language. She doesn't technically read. But it's OK; she doesn't have to." — Kathy Griffin on Paris Hilton. [Page Six]
• "Come on over and see me after you finish." — Ellen Barkin to Matt Damon. [Page Six]
• "With ratings falling, this might be the last season of Jon & Kate Plus 8. I'm not sure yet." — Kate Gosselin, on her Facebook page. [NY Post]

We see our heros and heroines in odd situations: Betty sensual, Peggy naked in bed with an unknown man, and Don face-down on a hotel floor.


Back at the office, Don tries to impress Conrad Hilton by ordering his secretary to hold his calls. The look on her face is priceless.


Betty's fellow Junior Leaguers have read the recent blockbuster environmental book Silent Spring, and invoke it in their fight against an ugly water tower in their neighborhood. Also: "It's not adorable to pretend like you're not adorable," apparently.


Betty sneaks a call in Don's office with Henry Francis, her new father-surrogate. Notice at the end, she pulls on the Don's always-locked Bluebeard drawer to see if he left it unlocked, and then gives up.


"Can I keep it?" Duck tries to woo Peggy to his new firm with the lure of an ugly Hermes scarf.


A Melba Toast box! A callback to Betty's complaining that all the Melba Toast was gone.


Betty's all over herself in that sundress — about to cheat on the vibrating clothesdryer, perhaps?


Betty tells crush Henry Francis "We all have skills we don't use."


Sally's teacher thinks she's so hot, and tries the "hitting on you by pretending you're hitting on me" trick, but Don blocks her advances by telling her "I'm not bored."


Roger Sterling: the Kramer of this show.


Don, seeming to forget that she knows where the bodies are buried, is a total dick to Peggy. "Every time I turn around you've got your hand in my pocket. There's not one thing that you've done here that I couldn't live without. You're good, get better, stop asking for things." Funny how Cooper could say the same thing to Don!


New email signature: "I wanna take you in that bedroom, lock the door, take your clothes off with my teeth, throw you on the bed, and give you a go around like you've never had."


Betty knows Don's contract with Sterling Cooper is a proxy for his contract with her. "Where do you think you'll be in three years?"


Don meets wholesome draft-dodgers Doug and Sandy, and takes the red pill(s).


Oops, the red pill means Don has to watch his father tell a dirty joke about hillbillies. Worst Matrix ever!


The hippie robbers called Don "Cadillac." So his ensuing injuries are, of course, a "fender bender."


Betty gets the fainting couch of her sex dreams.


Cooper reminds Don that he's in no position to fight the contract, because of what Cooper knows. You might even say he's lucky to even get to sign a contract like that, when plenty of full grown men who are who they say they are would be happy to sign away three years of their lives to Sterling Cooper.

[Boston, September 24. Image via Splash.]