Amy Winehouse Diagnosed With Emphysema

• Talk about fighting some unholy war: Amy Winehouse has emphysema. Her father Mitch says: "With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up. There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She's got 70 per cent lung capacity." Shiz. [Daily Mail, via TMZ]
• Amy's emphysema is in the early stages. [People]
• But docs say if she goes back to smoking drugs, she won't just lose her voice: She'll die. [Yahoo News]
• Amy is "desperate" to perform at Nelson Mandela's birthday party this Friday, so there might be medics and an ambulance on standby. [Mirror]
• Comedian George Carlin has died at the age of 71. [AP]
• Will Angelina Jolie give birth on the 4th of July? Or will it be July 14, Bastille Day? USA vs. France! [LA Times]
• Someone fired a weapon awfully close to the set of Johnny Depp's move in Chicago. Johnny was not harmed, repeat: Johnny was not harmed. [TMZ]
• Johnny Depp's been supplying the crew of his new flick with booze. [Mirror]
• Courtney Love is "shockingly pale and thin." No, seriously. It's alarming. [The Sun]

Ellen & Portia: So Happy, So Gay, So Getting Married

• Ellen DeGeneres is so psyched about the California Supreme Court ruling regarding gay marriage that she's gonna get hitched to longtime love Portia de Rossi. Woohoo! It would be kind of awesome if they did it on TV. And then danced! [TMZ]
  
• Pregnant Angelina Jolie will be looking "sexy" on the July cover of Vanity Fair; she was shot by Patrick Demarchelier. Wonder if he'll have her Photoshopped? [Page Six]
  
• Click here if you need info on Angelina's tattoos. [Sydney Morning Herald]
  
• Angelina will probably give birth in France, FYI. [USA Today]
  
• Angelina's dad Jon Voight is all riled up over Israel: "God gave this land to the Jewish people; they shouldn't be giving it away," he says. But, um, Voight is not Jewish. [Mirror]
  
• "If I punched every bitch who called me fat, it would be dead bitches all up and down the highway." — Star Jones. [Page Six]

Sarah Jessica Parker's Shoes Reveal That She's Fiercely Really Into Fashion

• After much consideration I have decided that I do not care at all what the personal footwear choices of the Sex and the City stars say about their personalities. [LA Times]
  
• Speaking of Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker says that her son only wears his older cousin's hand-me-downs and has never been given new clothes, other than shoes. [US Weekly]
  
• Another day, more people fired from ELLE. This time, on the dot-com side. Maybe Nina will give them jobs over at Marie Claire? [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Rachel Zoe does not want to talk about being disinvited from the Met Costume Institute Gala thankyouverymuch. [US Weekly]
  
• In case you were wondering, Cindy Crawford will be celebrating Mother's Day with breakfast in bed. [Reuters]

Mischa Barton Fights The Battle Of The (Digitally Enhanced?) Bulge

• Mischa Barton claims she is a PhotoShop Of Horrors victim: A new batch of paparazzi beach shots showed her legs riddled with cellulite. "Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, says. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old." The pix were taken by the dude she's pissed at for snapping topless shots; the same one who ran Nicole Kidman off of the road. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• You can see the pictures here, with a regular paparazzi shot as well. Photoshop? [Daily Mail]
  
• Apparently Mariah Carey wanted a $3 million wedding with doves and orchids and Nick Cannon wanted to get married ASAP with no fuss. Mariah agreed because, as she has said, "We really do feel we are soulmates. I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me." Aww, that should be sweet but somehow it's fucking annoying. [Mirror]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen doing shots of tequila with Lauren Conrad! LL turned her back so no one would see; unfortunately she was facing a window and the whole bar could see her reflection. Whoops! [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Meanwhile: You know how Lindsay had finally gotten a movie role? In that Manson Girls flick? Well she's been kicked off of the project. Producers "discovered that they couldn't find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her," says Nikki Finke. [Deadline Hollywood via ONTD]

Johnny Depp Is A Wanted Man

Jessica Simpson Needs Cranberry Juice, Stat

• Jessica Simpson has been hospitalized at Cedars Sinai for a minor kidney infection. Did she pick up something in Kuwait? Ow, ow, ow. [TMZ]
  
• Oh, she's already out of the hospital. And "doing fine." [The Sun]
  
• Amy Winehouse is moving — for the third time in four months — because her new flat has "demons." [The Sun]
  
• Despite what you may have heard, Johnny Depp will not be shilling for Magnum condoms. [Portƒolio]
  
• Denise Richards: "I'll never talk about weight around [my daughters]. And they'll never hear me say, 'Mommy's feeling fat today.' That kind of attitude just makes young girls grow up to be dissatisfied with their bodies." She will, however, include them in her new reality show! [People]
  
• Jennifer Aniston has formed a film company called Echo Films with producing partner Kristin Hahn. (Aniston was previously a partner in Brad Pitt's film company, Plan B.) [Variety]

Did Heath Ledger Father A Love Child?

• Is there a Heath Ledger love child? When Heath was 17, he dated a 25-year-old woman who gave birth to a baby girl after the relationship ended. [People]
  
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were married in the French Quarter Wedding Chapel on Saturday. [Star]
  
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt did not get married and were not even in New Orleans. They were in Texas, where Brad is shooting a film. [People]
  
• Sarah Jessica Parker's 5-year-old son James is an Obama supporter. [People]
  
• Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Incarcerated, was attacked by fellow inmates in prison because they were convinced he had a secret stash of heroin. Blake has failed three drug tests while in Pentonville Prison and spends a lot of time in solitary confinement. [ONTD]
  

"Fishy" Is Fabulous: Oscar Fashion 2008

Nicole & Joel: Not Spending Enough Time With The Baby?

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden were seen partying Grammy weekend, so some random source says, "It's almost as if they aren't parents." Kind of a cheap shot. But yeah, the nanny is apparently working overtime. Mom and dad need to party! [Page Six]
  
• Guess who was on the set when Lindsay Lohan posed nude for Bert Stern's Marilyn Monroe-inspired New York magazine shoot? Not momager Dina, but 14-year-old little sis, Ali. Picking up tips on how to behave? [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Dad Jamie tells Britney's new bodyguards not to let her go to a bar or bathroom alone. Also, when she left a restaurant Saturday, she took a cup of coffee with her. [Page Six]
  
• Britney's ongoing custody case reconvenes in court today. First order of business: Who will rep Brit? The firm of Trope and Trope bailed. [E!]
  
• If you find Bindi Irwin vaguely terrifying, wait until you see her doll. [TMZ]

"You Have No Idea How Much I Love You." -- Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp's Grimacing Girlfriend, Kids Go To Disneyland

Sweeney Todd Johnny Depp Is About To Cut A Bitch

Angelina Pregnant With Tow-Headed Twins?

• Double trouble! Angelina Jolie is reportedly knocked up with two soon-to-be-gorgeous fetuses. (Feti?) The addition of twins means the family will have six kids under the age of seven (and very little sleep). Huh, the tabs that noted Angie's boobs were bigger lately: Were they actually on to something? [Star Magazine]
  
• Angelina is planning on spending the first anniversary of her mother's death (January 27th) in a day-long vigil at Cedars-Sinai hospital in L.A., where Marcheline Bertrand died while battling ovarian cancer. [Daily Express]
  
• Amy Winehouse entered a rehab facility at her record label's urgings and in preparation for her planned appearance at the Grammys. [People]
  
• Mary-Kate Olsen will be questioned as to why, upon finding Heath Ledger unconscious, his masseuse dialed her three times before calling 911. (And once afterward.) Panic? Or foul play? [Page Six]
  
• A source says Heath and Mary-Kate were "hooking up" and partying together but not exclusive. [People]

Oscar Noms 2008: Women Can Write, Not Direct

Johnny Depp Blushes, Flirts, Smolders