• Jennifer Lopez is suing her ex-husband Ojani Noa for $10 million and demanding he stop production of the film How I Married Jennifer Lopez, which includes video of the couple in "sexual situations" on their honeymoon.

• A judge has granted a temporary restraining order blocking distribution of the film until the next hearing, which is scheduled for tomorrow. [Reuters, AP]
• Michael Lohan has released another taped phone call. This one is between Michael and Lindsay Lohan's former assistant, Jenni Muro, who says she thinks Lindsay may hurt herself. Muro says she wants to quit because, "I am trying to save your daughter's life every day," but, "I don't want it on my watch either" if she does kill herself. She also calls Lindsay's relationship with Samantha Ronson "unhealthy" and "an addiction." [Radar Online]
• Jenni Muro says she's planning on sending Michael Lohan a cease and desist letter for secretly taping their conversations. She calls his behavior "way beyond low." [TMZ]
• The Consumer Product Safety Commission says Jon Gosselin should have never let his five-year-olds on his ATV because, "Children under 6 should never be on an ATV — either as a driver or a passenger... Children are involved in about one-third of all ATV-related deaths and hospital emergency room injuries." [Radar Online]
• Jon Gosselin is counter suing TLC for $5 million. [Radar Online]
• Justin Timberlake's lawyer was furious in court today that a judge is demanded JT testify in court if he wants his restraining order against alleged stalker Marty Singer made permanent. He says Justin is currently filming a movie and can't miss a day to appear in court. [TMZ]
• The judge granted Justin Timberlake a permanent restraining order after his lawyer submitted a written declaration from Justin. [TMZ]
• In the video at the link, stripper Nicole Forrester is shown taking the polygraph test, which supposedly found she's telling the truth about sleeping with Josh Duhamel. She says, "I honestly didn't know he was married... I said, 'Are you Fergie's husband?' He was like, 'Don't ask me any personal questions. You know what you know so let's just drop it.'" [Radar Online]
• Fergie and Josh Duhamel spent the weekend apart because she was working in the U.K., so clearly their marriage is on the rocks. [Us]
• Jermaine Dupri and Janet Jackson are back together and there are rumors that they're planning a wedding, but he says, "They've been saying that for years and you don't see a ring on my finger... I guess it just sounds good to have that rumor this time of the year or something." [People]
• Just so you know, Jackie Jackson say's Dr. Arnie Klein's admission that Michael Jackson liked to pee in cups in front of other people is not true. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson's former doctors are feuding. Dr. Steven Hoefflin says Dr. Arnold Klein, "knew Michael was a narcotic addict yet he repeatedly injected him, probably with others in his office assisting him, 51 times over three months with a minimum of 100mg of Demerol and charged him a large amount of money." [TMZ]
• Madonna is heading to Rio to visit the city's slums. State Governor Sergio Cabral says, "She will get to know some social projects; she is enchanted with Rio and wants to help." [Reuters]
• The manager of Guy Richie's London pub The Punch Bowl is asking Richie's celebrity friends to sign a petition to keep the bar open to fight local residents who say the bar is too noisy. [Daily Express]
• In her new book Carrie Prejean accuses Miss California USA director Keith Lewis of pushing her to get a boob job and says he ran his hands all over her body and examined her breasts while she was standing in Shanna Moakler's living room in a bikini in front of other pageant judges. [Radar Online]
• Oksana Grigorieva says Mel Gibson is a "very hands-on" father to their newborn daughter. "He has been very dtoing and nurturing," she says. [People]
• Paris Hilton is threatening to sue a New Zealand company for advertising empty billboard space by posting her picture with the word "vacant" stamped across it. [Daily Express]
• Russell Brand is selling his London home and you can check out pictures of the interior here: [London Brick Work]
• Ashee Simpson will play Roxie Hart in the Broadway production of Chicago for six weeks starting in December. She has already played the role in London. [People]
• John Travolta says that, since his son Jett's death, "We've been working very hard every day as a family to heal... We have our own way of doing it, and it has been helping." Kelly Preston says the family has been receiving an "outpouring of love from, really, worldwide. It's been our friends, our family, our church. We partake in spiritual counseling pretty much daily." [ET]
• Rihanna made a surprise appearance last night at Jay-Z's concert at UCLA. Watch it here: [Perez Hilton]
• Kristen Stewart says since she started filming of New Moon Taylor Lautner has, "Literally become a different person. He's just grown up. He's so confident and the nicest guy that I've ever met. I know that I'm using this grammatically incorrect but he's the funnest guy I've ever hung out with. So he's great. I'm so proud of him." [People]
• Taylor Lautner was asked if it's weird to date Taylor Swift because they have the same name. "It gets confusing definitely," he said. "And it's weird calling somebody your name." [Extra]
• Backstage at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Concert Art Garfunkel asked for a tissue. A staffer said they were running late but could stop in a bathroom. "He literally stopped walking and refused to go another step until he got a tissue," a source said. "He was behaving like such a child. He was very agitated and angry. And this is a guy who's been busted for marijuana possession! Shouldn't he be calmer?" He was offered a paper towel but threw it back yelling, "I said a tissue!" [Radar Online]
• Ryan Seacrest's alleged stalker, Chidi Uzomah, sent the campus of Cal State Dominquez Hills into a panic last year when he walked around in camouflage holding a dummy rifle after ROTC training. [TMZ]
• The Disney Channel has ordered a second season of Jonas, the Jonas Brother's show. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Kate Winslet has been nominated for a European Film Award for The Reader. [Daily Express]
• When asked if the rumors that she's starring in Resident Evil: Afterlife are true Eva Mendes said, "God, no! No, no, no! Never!" [Daily Express]
• Though it was assumed that Joe Halderman would try to make a plea agreement in the David Letterman extortion case, his lawyer said, "there's nothing in the pipeline other than preparing a case for trial." [N.Y. Observer]
• Tiffani Theissen and her husband, Brady Smith, are expecting their first baby in May. [People]
• Maksim Chmerkovskiy has already been voted off DWTS, but he advises, "Mya needs to step it up because she has been a frontrunner the whole time and now she's kind of ‘pfft.'" [People]
• Lamar Odom was in a car accident in 2007 and offered the victim a settlement, but she refused and has filed a lawsuit against him. [TMZ]
• A judge has ruled that Warren Beatty can go ahead with his lawsuit against the Tribune Co over the right to the Dick Tracy comic strip. [Reuters]
• Mario Lopez introduced his girlfriend Courtney Mazza to his mom at a recent dinner in San Diego. "Everyone was laughing and having a good time," says an eyewitness. "There was never an awkward moment." [Star]
• W editor Kevin West said during her cover shoot Demi Moore, "was like a newlywed in love, talking about how wonderful [Ashton] was and how much the relationship meant to her. She basically said when they met it was love at first sight." [W]
• Jennie Garth says her character won't break up Debbie and Harry Wilson on 90210. "I'm not a big fan of that storyline," she said. "It's just bizarre and weird. I don't think it's going to go anywhere. I'm not going to let Kelly be a homewrecker, so there's no place for it to really go." [E!]
• Leighton Meester says she's never been intimidated by fashion. "My mother always had a great sense of style. I always looked up to her. Ever since [Gossip Girl] I can differentiate between the character and myself. It gave me a launching point to develop my own sense of style," she says. [W]
• Peter Andre is still mad at Jordan for revealing that she had an abortion during their marriage. "Pete has always been passionately anti-abortion and Jordan knows that," says a source. "It's terrible she feels the need to talk about this so publicly. It drags up a whole lot of emotions for Pete when he just wants to move on. Pete keeps thinking about those lost children." [News Of The World]
• Sophia Loren says of working with Daniel Day-Lewis on Nine, "Daniel is incredible. He is hypnotic, magical, beautiful and brilliant; but he is also very scary. Every time I did a scene with him he was so deep and so real that it was almost intimidating." [Daily Express]
• Last night's third-season finale of Mad Men drew 2.32 million viewers, making it the most watched finale in the show's history. [Media Week]
• In an interview with John Slattery and Talia Balsam, who are married in real life and divorced on Mad Men, Slattery says it's different working with your spouse because, "You don't have to create a history – we did that scene where I have a heart attack, she comes in and I mean I fell apart because you're pretending to have a heart attack, it's supposed to be scary, you conjure up whatever it is that's going to get you to that place, then Talia walks in and if someone who wasn't Talia walked in playing my wife, it probably wouldn't have been as emotional." [If Magazine]
• Jon Hamm says, "A lot of people, especially this season, are very frustrated and angry with Don and his choices and his decisions. But something to understand about the guy is he's significantly damaged... I do think he loves his family very much. I think he's hard time expressing — or at least maintaining — that and still be true to himself. It's a difficult line to walk. What I enjoy about him as an actor is walking that line. And that's what makes it difficult to watch as a viewer. You're by turns transfixed and repulsed by this guy." [AMC]

[New York, November 7. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

First: A hobo is a worker who wanders. Wikipedia notes that in addition to "travelers," gypsies were often referred to as "Wise Women."

Don has certainly wandered; Betty is just now getting wise, so to speak. Right at the very beginning of the episode, she challenges Don: "You have no more money." A question phrased like a statement, because she knows the answer. She's seen the stacks of cash in his drawer. She's giving Don a chance to come clean, even though she knows he won't. Not that easily.

The other woman in Don Draper's life, Suzanne Farrell, was also wising up: "I see a man who is not happy," she says. "I'm happy now," Don replies. It's a lie. He's lying to himself. Or it's the truth; and he's happy with things the way they are: Cheating on his wife, sneaking into Miss Farrell's apartment for secret sex and pasta. Either way: Not what Suzanne Farrell believes, or wants to hear.

Meanwhile, Joan was coaching her husband's interview skills. Another example of the "Wise Woman." As usual, Joan is on the money. (Anyone else think she would make a good shrink?) Her intuitive way of dealing with her husband; explaining: "This is a talking profession," came off as experienced and savvy. She knows how to work with people; she's a gifted communicator. In addition, when describing the qualities her husband should project: "You're smart, you're funny, you're great to be around…" was Joan just projecting her own qualities on to him?

Also, since this episode was about secrets coming out of the drawer and into the light, his "I can't believe I never told you that" fit right in.

In bed, Suzanne said to Don: I just wanted more than I thought I would want. But it will pass." This reminded me of "This too shall pass," the phrase Solomon (the famous Biblical wise man) saw on a ring. The ring was supposed to have power: "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy." Happiness fades, but so does sadness. Don thinks he's happy — it'll pass. Suzanne is sad they can't be more to each other — it'll pass. Perhaps she's been in this situation before?

In her father's house, Betty spills what she knows about Don to her lawyer: "He's been married before… It's a lie so big." Her lawyer, acting as a stand-in father figure, recommends: "Go home, give it a try." Adding: "That's what I'd tell my own daughter."

Another thing fascinating about this scene is how the lawyer calls Betty "Betsy." It's been interesting how she has so many different names; with her dad, she would say, "It's me, Elizabeth." Don calls her Betty, Betts or Birdie. What does she want to be called?

Roger Sterling and his old flame, Annabelle Mathis, had a boozy night in which they referenced the war, Casablanca and a love affair gone wrong. The sexual chemistry was palpable, but when she said "you still want me," he replied: "So what." And: "It's different with this girl. I'm sorry."

Roger also dealt with his other old flame — when Joan called, asking for help with work. There was something close to pride in his voice when he recommended her for a job, saying, "She's expensive."

Joan's husband Greg screwed up his interview then took his anger out on her: "Stop acting like you know everything." Rational Joan: "We need money." Greg ranted: "You don't know what it's like to want something your whole like, and to plan for it, and count on it, and not get it." Fool! Joan knows all too well what that's like. She thought she'd be the wife of a surgeon, not supporting a whiner/failure. When Joan hits Greg on the head, not only is she pissed: She is trying to knock some sense into him, and rejecting his notion that she doesn't know what it's like to work towards something all your life.

The sole comic relief in last night's episode occurred during the dog food focus group, in which the pup owners projected their own personalities on to their pooches, who were eating horse meat. Peggy's line, "I can't turn it off; It's happening" basically describes everything about this show: Life is not a well-produced commercial. It's messy business not even Don Draper can control.

We found out that Roger Sterling's old flame broke his heart. She said: "You were the one." It's like she's emptying out her own desk drawer of secrets. Unfortunately, Roger Sterling wasn't moved by her revelations.

Don and Betty's showcase showdown over the desk drawer was chilling. She exhibited a steely resolve hinted at (remember when she shot the birds?) but never explored. It was both shocking and a relief to see Betty becoming a font of strength. Don's comebacks — "you changed your name" — were so weak, he was basically destroyed. So much came tumbling out of Betty — "I respected your privacy too long"; "You're a very very gifted storyteller" — it was almost horrifying. So raw, so stripped down of the usual gloss. So out of the comfort zone. Don Draper shaky? Don Draper unsettled? Don Draper fumbling with his cigarettes? Unprecedented. Betty eventually showed signs of concern — not pity — and offered to get him a drink. But that didn't stop what happened next:

Don Draper cried.
He spilled everything about his mother the 22-year-old prostitute, his Uncle Mac, his half-brother Adam and how they're all dead. We witnessed the Death Of Don Draper As We Know Him, and it was hard to witness.

By the by: Nothing good can come of Greg joining the army. Him saying "Vietnam… If that's still going on…" is most likely foreshadowing. We have the burden of knowing of course it's "still going on." And lots of people die. Good luck with that, Greg.

It was kind of insane that while Betty and Don's confrontation was taking place, Suzanne Farrell was waiting in Don's car. "What happened? Did you get caught?" she asked, which we knew was a double entendre: Never mind the affair. He got caught in the biggest ruse of all: His life.

At the very end of the episode, we see the Hobo and the Gypsy for whom the script was named. It was Halloween, after all: The day which celebrates pretending to be someone you're not. Don Draper's spent years faking it; ironic that he's suddenly been forced to take off his mask. But when Betty watched him kiss the kids goodbye as he went to work, it was as though she was watching a stranger.

So. When Don and Betty took the kids trick-or-treating, and the neighbor said, "Who are you supposed to be," it was an excellent question. Don Draper is his unflappable, hardened exterior. Now that it's cracked, who the hell is he? Is he Dick? Is he Don?

The end titles were set to "Where Is Love," from the musical Oliver!. Though the film was released in 1968, the show premiered in London's West End in 1960 and hit Broadway in 1963.

Oliver!, as you may know, is loosely based on Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens. In the show, Oliver is an orphan who has the courage to ask for more, ends up hanging with pick-pockets (what is advertising but sleight of hand?), but is actually an innocent, though crime is all around him — what he wants more than anything is a sense of belonging. A family.

Earlier: Mad Men: "Enjoy The World As It Is. They'll Change It, And Never Give You A Reason"
Mad Men: Everyone Is Disappointed
On Mad Men, When Is It Rape?
Mad Men: Sex, Lies, & The Recline Of The Roman Empire
Mad Men's Appeal Is All About Joan
Mad Men: Drinking, Dancing, & Screwing
Mad Women Experience Frequent Aftershocks
Mad Men: It's All Fun & Games Until Someone Loses A…
Mad Men: Blood, Sweat, And Tears
Mad Men: "It's A Dead Man's Hat. Take It Off."
Mad Men: "I'm Peggy Olson, And I Want To Smoke Some Marijuana"
Mad Men: "Just Don't Get Pregnant."
Mad Men: Ann-Margret Gives Master Class In Womanly Arts
"His Name Is Dick - After A Wish His Mother Should Have Lived To See"

[New York, October 19. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Lady Gaga, Gay Activist! She "was the highest-wattage celebrity to attend both the Human Rights Campaign dinner Saturday night and the National Equality March on Sunday." Reporter Dan Zak writes:

"Nearby rally-goers screeched her name. She had marched with the crowds from her hotel after shrugging off security concerns, and had just finished a short speech to an enraptured throng of tens of thousands on the West Lawn. Glittery signs reading 'Gay for Gaga' and 'Lady Gaga {heart} Equality, U Should 2' poked up from the rainbowed masses." "I will never turn my back on my friends," said Lady Gaga, before disappearing from the rally. "Today is not a one-off performance."She also said: "In the music industry there's still a tremendous amount of accommodation of homophobia," she said. "So I'm taking a stand… I'm not going to play one of my songs tonight because tonight is not about me. It's about you." She sang John Lennon's "Imagine," but changed some of the lyrics. [WaPo]

• Miley Cyrus and her sister Brandi ate $70 worth of meat and mac 'n cheese at the Outback Steakhouse in Burbank last week. Miley paid with a $100 bill… and kept the change. Her spokesperson explains: She didn't know she was supposed to tip unless she was eating inside." Pardon? When has that ever been the case? [Rush & Molloy]
• Christina Hendricks married Geoffrey Arend — he was hilarious in 500 Days Of Summer! — at Il Buco restaurant in New York on Sunday. Congrats! [People]
• Jon Gosselin says that he wasn't the only one who took cash out of the joint account; Jon filed papers claiming Kate withdrew over $60,000 from their joint account between July and September 2009. But a source says Kate's transactions were legal; Jon didn't have permission. [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin believes that Kate has control of more than one million dollars and that if she doesn't have a job, it's not his fault. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Jon Gosselin will light a menorah this year, partly because of gf Hailey Glassman. "This is the first year I will celebrate Chanukah. Everyone in my life is Jewish now, my attorney. I love it. I'm now half Jewish and half Korean. The family values are great… They gave her a free tummy tuck, worth $20 grand." I'm sure I'm not alone here when I say: Oy. [Rush & Molloy]
• Dina Lohan says that Lindsay's brother Michael is on academic scholarship at Ithaca (college)… and "He's also is doing a movie!" This paper reacts with the headline, "Oh no! Not another one!" [The Sun]
• Katie Holmes wants to send Suri to Catholic School, and noted Scientologist Tom Cruise is okay with it. Suri is already enrolled in Catholic Charities Yawkey Centre For Early Education And Learning in Boston, where Tom is filming the movie Wichita. [Daily Mail]
• Angelina Jolie is in talks to replace Charlize Theron in the thriller The Tourist. [JustJared]
• Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy: So on. [People]
• Nick Cannon is married to Mariah Carey. He's also a stand-up comic, a rapper, an actor, a D.J., a screenwriter and a television host and the chairman Nickelodeon's TeenNick division. [NY Times]
• At the BET Hip-Hop awards on Saturday, T.I. won, though he is in prison; Jay-Z was honored as MVP of the year; the late DJ AM won "DJ of the Year." Kanye West did not attend. The show airs October 27. [AP]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Kourtney Kardashian is expecting a baby boy. [NY Daily News]
• Mad Men's John Slattery doesn't want a garbage trucks garage in his New York neighborhood. [AP]
• "Fergie is Condoleezza Rice - if Condi knew how to execute a booty shake…" claims this profile of the singer, in which she talks about ecstasy; crystal meth ("it ruins you"); dating Mexican gang members and being a child star. The reporter also writes: "There is some speculation that Fergie is older than she lets on (seems unlikely; she grew up on TV), as her unquestionably sexy features can look a touch - how can I put this? - ravaged." [Times Of London]
• Kelly Bensimon was doing man-on-the-street interviews for Gotham magazine yesterday… and her efforts were taped for Real Housewives. [NY Post]
• Debi Mazar helped Maksim Chmerkovskiy get over ex-fiancée Karina Smirnoff with home cooked meals. Heartache doesn't mean stomachache. [People]
• Remember when Michael Jackson played a character on The Simpsons? The folks of The Simpsons were freaked out by him. [NY Post]
• Speaking of Michael Jackson, a snippet of his song "This Is It" has hit the interwebs; listen at the link. [TMZ]
• By the by the illuminated white glove Michael Jackson wore on his 1984 Victory tour sold for almost $70, 000 at auction. [The Sun]
• Katherine Jackson will not inherit 40% of her son's estate. [Carey Hart are HOT in this photo shoot for his tattoo shop's clothing line. [Daily Mail]
• Amy Winehouse "looked frail and unsteady" singing backup for her goddaughter on the TV show Strictly Come Dancing. [Mirror]
• Couples Retreat raked in $35 million at the box office; this column suggests the film "offers a lesson in moviegoing: add one beautiful location to a comedy that is not very funny, add to it actors who aren't really very famous, and you can make a movie that opens to reviews that aren't very good, yet still make cash hand over fist." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Saturday Night Live's Bill Hader has a new baby and says of fatherhood: "I think it's going to be awesome." [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
• In a poll of 100 New Yorkers, 26 women and 27 men think David Letterman is a "hypocrite for making jokes about the affairs of Bill Clinton and other politicians." 22 women and 31 men have worked at a place where the boss was having an affair with an underling. [NY Mag]
• Singer Stephen Gately, of Irish group Boyzone died Saturday while vacationing on the Spanish island of Majorca. [CNN]
• Stephen Gately may have chocked on his own vomit after a "drinking session." [Daily Mail]
• "Matt Lucas will not return to his stage role following the death of his ex-partner, it has been announced." [The Star]
• Mickey Rourke talks about using the word "faggot." Sorta. [TMZ]
• Dannii Minogue was judging X Factor when this guy Danyl Johnson sang "And I'm Telling You" from Dreamgirls. Danni insinuated that he was gay by telling him he didn't need to change the gender references in the song. Simon Cowell was pissed about that. [Daily Mail]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger is on Twitter now, posting pictures of the happy face in his morning oatmeal and so on. [NY Post]
• Sigourney Weaver is trying to promote a Gorilla Rehabilitation and Conservation Education, (GRACE) in the Congo, which will rescue and rehabilitate orphaned gorillas, saying: "These little gorillas just steal your heart. They're very sensitive creatures. So it's no surprise that this is a very demanding and ambitious project, the GRACE Center, but we need it. We have to have it." [AP]
• "Pierce Brosnan almost turned down the chance to star in his upcoming flick, The Greatest, about two parents struggling to move on after their son dies in a car accident — because his own son Sean survived a similar crash in 2000. "When I first got the script, I looked it over and put it under my bed for a week," he says. "I eventually decided to do it because I liked it, but it was hard to go to those deeper places in my heart." [Gatecrasher]
• Director Mike Nichols has been selected to receive the American Film Institute's 38th AFI Life Achievement Award. Nichols won an Oscar for directing The Graduate; was nominated for a best picture award as a producer for The Remains of the Day and his credits include Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Catch-22, Carnal Knowledge, Silkwood, Working Girl, Primary Colors, Angels in America, Closer and Charlie Wilson's War. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Horn Lake, Mississippi's Circle G Ranch — also known as the Elvis Ranch, is up for sale, if you have $6.5 million. [UPI]
• High-brow PBS soap opera Upstairs Downstairs is being remade. [NY Post]
• Blind item! "What Oscar-winning actress and her Oscar-winning husband are said to be close to splitting? She's telling friends, 'We've grown apart.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• "I get why chicks dig him. He's extremely kind, incredibly intelligent, thoughtful, creative and respectful. I don't discuss my love life because it's always misinterpreted or put under the microscope. It's especially annoying when you're dating someone else who's well-known, which is why I normally would never go out with a famous guy. Let's put it this way… I'd be flattered if someone hit on me tonight, but I really can't say if I'm available or not." — Emmy Rossum on Adam Duritz. She also says: "I used to be an artsy, quiet, kind of chubby kid — which no one believes. But now I'm really comfortable with my body and my sexuality. I can be naked with the lights on." [People]00
• "My hair has never been that great. I had a Jheri curl at one point in my life. I had to go to rehab and confess, 'I'm Chris, I have a curl.' But, I don't think men are into their hair that much. Guys are concentrating on other things. When I was younger, I had a complex, and probably still do, about just not being buff and big. I think that's what guys are into. There are some right here in Hollywood, men on television right now, with fake pecs and stuff." — Chris Rock made Good Hair, but he doesn't think about his own that much. [Parade]
• "I think if she were playing something that was going to be really hard for her psychologically or damaging, I'd be more concerned, but she had a really good time with the sex thing, She plays a woman who, as far as I can tell, is really in charge of her life and is not a victim. So it sounded to me like it would be a blast. I've already seen little bits and pieces of some of the nudity and she looks beautiful. If you have it, why not?" — Susan Sarandon, on her daughter playing a student by day and a stripper by night in Californication. [Gatecrasher]
• "I've been corresponding with Anya Camilleri [the director] and we've been looking at historical paintings where the concept 'cougar' was depicted to try and see where it came from. I think 'cougar' is a way to make it appear as women are looking at their men as prey, and gaining something from it. Like when men are enhancing their own virility by going out with younger women. Why is there not a term for older men with younger women? I don't think Mrs. Robinson was a cougar — I think she was a woman having a breakdown, and it was played wonderfully." — Sharon Stone, who will play a woman who hires a much-younger gigolo in upcoming flick Satisfaction. [Gatecrasher]
• "I had dairy a few weeks ago by accident and I knew because the next day I was all phlegmy. And I was farting and it was gross. And then I knew. It was dairy. Plus it makes you fat. Instantly. [There] was a time in my life where I was not interested in health at all; health was a dirty word. And when I look at pictures now, I see that I looked tired and puffy and stressed." — Alicia Silverstone, whom this paper calls "the most non-annoying vegan on the planet." [NY Post]
• "I guess everyone has their wild side, and mine was halfway between being really shy and kind of a goofy spazoid. I never bit anyone, like Max, but I slapped a lot of butts. I don't know if you've seen kids do that-butt-slapping. Like, slapping the butts of my grandparents and babysitters. When I wasn't shy, I overcompensated." — Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, who did the soundtrack for Where the Wild Things Are. [NY Mag]
• "In an interview, Lars said he thought he reminded me of my father… and now, of course, I could make that link. He's very sincere with his questions and fears. He's a real artist in that way. He never censors himself... It was a weird relationship. The moments when it was just the two of us were pretty awkward… [Still] I had the feeling that he was inside me. He understood every blink, every detail. I felt as if I were portraying him, even though we were dealing with female sexuality. The anxiety and fear in my character was pretty much him." — Charlotte Gainsbourg, on Antichrist director Lars von Trier, whom this article notes has been called "Misanthrope. Misogynist. Pornographer. Xenophobe. Enfant terrible. Child." [BlackBook]
• "President Obama seems very authentic… I wonder if there's a white man inside of him." — Lars von Trier. [BlackBook]

We see our heros and heroines in odd situations: Betty sensual, Peggy naked in bed with an unknown man, and Don face-down on a hotel floor.


Back at the office, Don tries to impress Conrad Hilton by ordering his secretary to hold his calls. The look on her face is priceless.


Betty's fellow Junior Leaguers have read the recent blockbuster environmental book Silent Spring, and invoke it in their fight against an ugly water tower in their neighborhood. Also: "It's not adorable to pretend like you're not adorable," apparently.


Betty sneaks a call in Don's office with Henry Francis, her new father-surrogate. Notice at the end, she pulls on the Don's always-locked Bluebeard drawer to see if he left it unlocked, and then gives up.


"Can I keep it?" Duck tries to woo Peggy to his new firm with the lure of an ugly Hermes scarf.


A Melba Toast box! A callback to Betty's complaining that all the Melba Toast was gone.


Betty's all over herself in that sundress — about to cheat on the vibrating clothesdryer, perhaps?


Betty tells crush Henry Francis "We all have skills we don't use."


Sally's teacher thinks she's so hot, and tries the "hitting on you by pretending you're hitting on me" trick, but Don blocks her advances by telling her "I'm not bored."


Roger Sterling: the Kramer of this show.


Don, seeming to forget that she knows where the bodies are buried, is a total dick to Peggy. "Every time I turn around you've got your hand in my pocket. There's not one thing that you've done here that I couldn't live without. You're good, get better, stop asking for things." Funny how Cooper could say the same thing to Don!


New email signature: "I wanna take you in that bedroom, lock the door, take your clothes off with my teeth, throw you on the bed, and give you a go around like you've never had."


Betty knows Don's contract with Sterling Cooper is a proxy for his contract with her. "Where do you think you'll be in three years?"


Don meets wholesome draft-dodgers Doug and Sandy, and takes the red pill(s).


Oops, the red pill means Don has to watch his father tell a dirty joke about hillbillies. Worst Matrix ever!


The hippie robbers called Don "Cadillac." So his ensuing injuries are, of course, a "fender bender."


Betty gets the fainting couch of her sex dreams.


Cooper reminds Don that he's in no position to fight the contract, because of what Cooper knows. You might even say he's lucky to even get to sign a contract like that, when plenty of full grown men who are who they say they are would be happy to sign away three years of their lives to Sterling Cooper.

• Yesterday Jaime Pressly reportedly got so drunk at a gay bar in West Hollywood that she slumped down next to the building and urinated on the sidewalk in broad daylight.

• It sounds crazy, but she's definitely squatting over a puddle in the pictures at the link. There is also video of bystanders voicing shock and awe. [Perez Hilton]
• Update: She's denying everything. In her defense, the puddle looks more like water than urine. [Perez Hilton]
• A woman named Claire Elisabeth Fields Cruise has filed guardianship petitions for each of Michael Jackson's kids. She also claims she was married to MJ, engaged to Blanket's real father, and is the mother of one of Tom Cruise's kids. [TMZ]
• In this video she names Paris and Prince's fathers and claims she did not donate eggs or carry the children, but they were conceived in her body, then transferred to a surrogate. Also, she says Connor Cruise was Michael Jackson's son but they gave him away to Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman because MJ "did not want his own child because of the color of his skin." [TMZ]
• In the video at the link another woman named Billie Jean explains that she is Blanket's mom because there's a double negative in the song of the same name that prove the kid is her son... even though it was written 19 years before Blanket was born. [TMZ]
• When Mark Lester told the News of the World that he may be the father of Paris Jackson, he added that he's upset he hasn't seen the kids. Today Lester told TMZ there's "absolutely nothing malicious" about his intentions and it's "highly unlikely" he'll go to court to prove he's the father or get visitation rights. [TMZ]
• The L.A. County Coroner's Office has completed their autopsy on Michael Jackson, but it's on an indefinite security hold because the LAPD says it's release could make the investigation into his death more difficult. [TMZ]
• This Is It, a movie composed from 80 hours of rehearsal footage shot before Michael Jackson's London concerts, will be released in theaters on October 30. [USA Today]
• A global farewell tribute concert for Michael Jackson is scheduled to take place next month in Vienna. Members of the Jackson family and international stars possibly including U2, Madonna, and Whitney Houston will perform MJ's hits. Jermaine Jackson said Vienna was special for Michael because he "loved castles." [Associated Press]
• Jon Gosselin was supposed to an interview with E! in response to Kate Gosselin's interview this morning on Today, but either TLC or In Touch, which had a Jon "exclusive" last week called off the interview. [Radar Online]
• A private investigator has released a fax he claims is from Pat McDermott, Olivia Newton-John's missing ex, asking investigators to stop searching for him. [Radar Online]
• A group of Malawian performers are staging a musical parody at the Edinburgh Fringe about Madonna's adoption of Mercy James. The all-Malawian cast wear shirts that say "adopt me" and the male actor who plays Madonna uses son David Banda as a step to climb onto the stage. [The Daily Mail]
• Here are spoilers about Spike Jonze/Kanye West short film which will be released on iTunes on September 8th. Let's just say Kanye throwing up rose petals isn't the craziest part of the film. [ONTD]
• Lee Najjar, the real estate mogul recently exposed as RHOA's "Big Poppa" was on MTV recent in an episode of Teen Cribs. His kids and his wife are also in the episode. [TMZ]
• Like his ex Katie Price, Peter Andre is planning to write a book. He's signed a £1.5million deal to write a cookbook. [The Mirror]
• Both Anne Heche and Ashton Kutcher worked out and dieted to look good in their explicit new film Spread. Demi Moore helped out by hanging around for Ashton's sex scenes. "Demi was there a lot," said co-star Margarita Leveiva, " She was kind to me. She wasn't there to freak us out or anything. She was incredibly kind and generous and made me feel safe." [People]
• Mark Ballas hopes Paula Abdul doesn't join the cast of Dancing With The Stars. "I think we're good with our judges," said Ballas. "I think she should be on the show as a competitor." [E!]
• Hugh Hefner sold his "English Manor" next to the Playboy Mansion for $18 million, $10 million less than he asked for. His sons grew up there, but they've gone away to college. [Times Of London]
• Nadya Suleman will be featured in a two hour special on FOX, which will air footage culled from seven months of filming her octuplets in her home. [Entertainment Tonight]
• OMG: It's a Gossip Girl/Twilight crossover! Chace Crawford was photographed making out with Ashley Greene. [TMZ]
• Check out the new Gossip Girl promo here: [E!]
• At the link, learn all about British model/TV host/fashion icon Alexa Chung and why she hates olives. [Times]
• Chelsea Handler is patching more shows to E!. "I'm thinking maybe something along the lines of a Chelsea Lately ‘After the Show,' kind of like the Oprah thing," said Handler. She's already working on a standup special of comedians regularly featured on the show. [Media Week]
• Jeremy Piven said of his film The Goods, "it's a bit raunchy. Also, the language is racy. James Brolin said he wouldn't even tell his wife [Barbara Streisand] the kind of role he was shooting. But then we had a private screening, and Barbra Streisand laughed the loudest." [The Daily Express]
• Diane Kruger says she'd like to appear on boyfriend Joshua Jackson's show Fringe. I'd love to be a gooey monster," she says. "[A role] where my eyes are popped out of my head or something – that would be fun." [People]
• "I would love to have a wife and kids, but you can't magic them out of thin air. I've never been that 'seven-year relationship' kind of guy. [But I'm ready] for the big relationship. I guess I've got to settle down soon, but I'm nervous to say it out loud because it might not happen." — Gerard Butler, who turns 40 in November. [Daily Express]
• "Oh yeah, they write some pretty funny stuff for Roger Sterling. It's good, isn't it? Sometimes you feel like, man, I wish I was more in the thick of it … but then when I watch something, I always have to remember, you never think of it that way. It's not always the person who is on the screen the most; it's sometimes someone who comes in and makes an impression and sticks out... People assume all actors just wants their face on TV more. There have been things where I have had to convince people to cut me out of scenes. I have no interest in just standing there and looking like an idiot, or trying to act a really badly written scene. This material is so good you just want more and more of it." — John Slattery [N.Y. Observer]

• Paula Abdul will not return to American Idol. This announcement comes via her Twitter. She wrote:

"With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to #IDOL. I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all I'll miss being a part of a show that I helped from day1 become an international phenomenon. What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me… It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month… I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all." She was reportedly looking for as much as $20 million to continue with the show, but producers were recently heard talking up new host Kara DioGuardi (who has already signed on for another season, along with Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest). [Variety]

• First we heard that Penelope Cruz might be knocked up, then we heard she quit smoking, and now a source says: "Penelope is about four months pregnant." Congrats to Penny and lover Javier Bardem! [Just Jared]
• Thank Zeus: Jennifer Aniston has signed on for a movie we can actually get behind: Goree Girls is about an all-female country band in a Texas prison in the 1940s. [Variety]
• Presented without comment: "A park bench featuring a sculpture of a nude Angelina Jolie with her infant twins is to be unveiled in Oklahoma to promote World Breastfeeding Week." [UPI]
• Madonna's old love letters "borrowed heavily" from Anne Sexton poems. [Page Six]
• Childhood stardom can be tough. Ashley Olsen tells Marie Claire: "[Growing up,] it was almost like I was in the Army. School, work, homework, fly to New York, get in at 2 in the morning, do a morning show at 5 a.m., then another one at 7, then a radio interview at 10." She adds: "I look at Britney, and I'm surprised I didn't end up like her." [Gatecrasher]
• When Jon and Kate Gosselin announced their split, they got great ratings; the new episode's ratings? Crappy. Hence the headline, "Viewers Break Up With 'Jon and Kate.'" [AdAdge]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Jon Gosselin is on the cover of In Touch, saying "I'm tired of being blamed." He says his marriage fell apart in October 2008. "Many people think that everything moved too fast, that I was out partying too quickly. But Kate gave up on the marriage last October, and the divorce will be finalized by Sept. 30." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Robert Pattinson has been voted the sexiest man in the world in a Glamour mag poll in which many of the women were obviously Twihards. [The Star]
• Spotted: Kelly Bensimon and Damages actress Rose Byrne vying for Gerard Butler's attention. "Kelly blocked Gerard from speaking to Rose and was flirting up a storm - but he couldn't have seemed less interested." Gerard found Rose later and took her to a "private corner" to talk. [Gatecrasher]
• Gerard Butler says he got involved in his new romcom because he was always cracking jokes: "I was doing an action movie with the guys who made this and at night we would go to dinner and I would be like 'did you hear the one about this?' and they were like The Ugly Truth." [Mirror]
• Chris Brown will be sentenced for assault today. [AP]
• Elisabeth Moss says she and Mad Men costar Christina Hendricks — who are both getting married soon — are having their cakes made by the same people.
  "We've been exchanging flower information a little bit," she says. "Our weddings are sort of different, but we love talking about it." [People]
• CW programming chief Dawn Ostroff says Mischa Barton is at work on her new show The Beautiful Life and has been "great" and there have been "no issues." Everything is FINE okay? [USA Today]
• According to this report, it's not Mischa the CW producers are worried about, it's Elle Macpherson, her TBL costar, who has a large role, but can't act. [Gatecrasher]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler gets kinda Sopranos-esque in this video, "The Real Housewives of New Jersey with Jamie-Lynn Sigler." Bonus points for "buh-bies." [Funny Or Die]
• The Michael Jackson concert rehearsal footage will be a full-length motion picture… if a probate judge approves the deal by Monday. [AP]
• Joe Jackson, thank you for saying the following: "I do visit the family residence from time to time and will continue to do so, however I will not be involved in raising the children." [AP]
• Administrators of Michael Jackson's estate expect to earn cash from merchandising Jackson-related stuff, which would be good for the kids. [TMZ]
• David and Victoria Beckham MIGHT be moving to a £10million home in Chelsea, London, and here are pictures of the house they COULD live in someday. [Daily Mail]
• Check out Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel in this music video shot to promote (500) Days Of Summer. It's got a '60s look and DANCING! [USA Today, USA Today]
• John Slattery, aka Mad Men's Roger Sterling, may direct an upcoming episode of the AMC show. [LA Times]
• Candy Spelling is still using the media to talk to daughter Tori Spelling. Last week she accused Tori of using her kids as "reality show props"; today she's telling Tori: "I love you, and I always will." [USA Today]
• Daniel Baldwin says of the woman who claims he left her a "hostile" message: "Either she's delusional, can't remember what's going on, or she's psychotic." The woman fired his niece, who is a nanny, and allegedly threatened the niece, saying she would never work in Malibu again. Baldwin says he texted back: "Please don't threaten my niece" and that's it. [E!]
• Former U.S. President Bill Clinton will present filmmaker Steven Spielberg with the 2009 Liberty Medal at a ceremony in Philadelphia. [UPI]
• Jay Leno's new show will have "correspondents" — Brian Williams, Mikey Day, Rachael Harris, D.L. Hughley and Jim Norton. [Page Six]
• Josh Duhamel is in talks to star with Katherine Heigl in Life As We Know It, a romance about two people "whose worlds are turned upside down when their mutual best friends die in an accident and name them as caregivers of their orphaned daughter." Cue parenting goofs, falling in love. [Variety]
• Bam Margera is working it out with his wife, with the help of marriage counseling and meds. [TMZ]
• Johnny Hallyday, the "French Elvis," fell while boarding a yacht on the Riviera last month and dislocated his hip. [Page Six]
• This picture of Whatshername face down getting her ass squeezed while getting a massage is one of the reasons I can't bear to be interested in her. In any case, Whatshisname is hoping for a quickie divorce. [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which wacky celeb is certainly no angel when it comes to her hobbies? This hostess holds drawing parties for her gal pals - complete with a nude model and lots of alcohol." [Gatecrasher]
• "Silence is a powerful weapon in drama, "What you don't say and what you don't reveal can be as powerful as what you do say. My intention is to make [the performance] as real as possible but never forgetting that it's actually drama." — Gabriel Byrne, on In Treatment. [LA Times]
• "She comes to L.A. from the Midwest to find her mother [who turns out to be one of the original show's characters, Sydney Andrews, played by Laura Leighton], and all of a sudden she's thrown in with the sharks." — Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, on her Melrose Place character. [WWD]
• "In the music business in the Seventies, girls were beautiful. You were a performer, or you could be a girlfriend or groupie, but you still had to look good. I didn't have the face or the body that opens doors... Not being beautiful was an education. My achievements are down to my looks, or lack of them... I'm not putting myself down, that's the truth." — Sharon Osbourne, who says being "short, fat and hairy" meant she had to "develop a brain and personality and be fun and smart and learn to get on with people and make deals." [Daily Mail]
• "I'm not going to confirm or deny that. It might jump forward, it might not." -Jon Hamm, on whether the third season of Mad Men takes place two years after the last season ended. [NY Mag, via ESPN podcast]
• "A lot of his chickens came home to roost, so to speak. He had a lot of balls in the air, and they all kinda came crashing down as the season progressed. A lot more happens in season three, and there's a lot of change coming his way. Not only in his life, but a lot happens in the culture as well. So far, it's been an amazing season and I can't wait for people to see it." -Jon Hamm, on Don Draper's meltdown last season and how Don recovers (or doesn't). [NY Mag, via ESPN podcast]
• "They're fucking nuts. You have to either accept that or you do like me: You get married four times."— James Caan, on women. [Page Six via Men's Journal]
• "My music is a little more edgy so that inspired me to be adventurous. I've never dyed my hair before so this was a pretty drastic change. I've always been known as a brunette but I've been thinking about it for a long time and it kind of just fit with all of the searching with the music and experimenting that I would do the same thing with my look. The look has affected the way I dress, it's inspired me to be more adventurous with what I decide to wear. It's silly that something so simple as changing your hair could have such a big effect. I'm just having fun with it." — Katharine McPhee, on dying her hair blonde. [People]
• "I'm not great [at romance in real life] actually — my husband [musician Josh Kelley] and I have had this argument, I can be but generally I am a little, like, squeamish about being too romantic. I do love a good snuggle, but I don't want to, have to, get all verbally gooey." — Katherine Heigl. [Mirror]
• "I probably seem like not a particularly nice person, not a girl's girl. I think if you put a camera in anyone's life and document it daily for six years, from the age of 21 to 27, there are going to be things that aren't always pretty. Those are the rebellious years, the years of self discovery. I've never been someone who has conformed, and I think my response to that level of attention was to pretend it didn't exist." — Sienna Miller. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm disgusted by him. Here's a guy with eight kids who runs off to 'find himself' — well, he should have found himself a condom." — Joan Rivers on Jon Gosselin. [Page Six]

Don will hear a familiar canine whimper during a smoke break. Is it— could it be— Chauncey?


Betty will stand by her (super) Man.


The Sterling Cooper gang will prepare for their network-synergy dance-off with the cast of Breaking Bad.


These men will be old.


Peggy will be smug.


Betty will become disillusioned with material possessions.


Really disillusioned.


Like, "Who am I, really, inside?" disillusioned.


Joan will wonder why all the good-looking men are either married or rapists.


Sal will wish he could just find the right lady to settle down with.


The guys will prepare for their skill-matched dance-off with the cast of The Big Bang Theory.


And, finally, an actual spoilery-type-thing: Don and Sal will have dinner with stewardesses (for Don) and a pilot (for Sal)!

I tried to be as self-appraising as possible, and it does actually look like me! Except I dress like Juno and I recently quit smoking (but the smoking-lips choice looked so much, you know, cooler.) At the end, the application lets you choose from a variety of settings and unceremoniously plops you into them.


If I ever had the chance to toast with Don Draper, you'd better bet I'd be levitating and staring off into the middle distance.


I call this one "Lonely Picnic."


"Let's just stare at that drunk new girl until she goes away."


"Fuck you and your tea, Birdy. I need the hard stuff."


I call this one "Lonely Bedroom."


Wait a second, I thought I chose the "Joan Holloway" body. Why does she get to be so much thinner? Is that in her contract? No fair.


Here I am giving a presentation about to get an intervention.


Andrew Wyeth's little-known masterpiece, "The Drunk Avatar's World."

[These avatars are based on the brilliant illustrations of the artist Dyna Moe.]

• Even though AMC has "formally exercised" its option for a third season of Mad Men, Producer Lionsgate and network AMC not only have no contract with series creator Matthew Weiner, they have not made deals with the cast, either! What will become of Don Draper? [Fox 411, Variety]
• Oh, Mad Men star John Slattery was overheard trashing other actors while having dinner in New York: "De Niro's a jerk!" he said. And! "I was thinking about doing something with [Al Pacino], but I was told to run - not walk - away from him, he's so unbearable." [Rush & Molloy]
• Angelina Jolie plans to adopt another Ethiopian baby in the New Year, to "bond" with daughter Zahara. [Mirror]
• John Mayer is winning Jennifer Aniston back with "soppy texts." A source says "He has even written a song about their time together and played it to Jennifer who, naturally, was incredibly touched." [Mirror]

• Speaking of texts, Paris Hilton has been texting Prince William after meeting him in a club. She invited him to a club opening in Las Vegas; he declined but is "up for a few drinks" the next time she's in town. [Mirror]
• Sam Ronson bought Lindsay Lohan a "£15,000 Ferrari red diamond encrusted Tiret," which is, apparently, a watch. [Mirror]
• Uh-oh, Sam and Lindsay had a fight on an Acela train to Washington! LL was "whining incessantly." When Lindsay would get up, Samantha would sigh and put her sweatshirt hood back up. Oh, and at some point, Lindsay said to Sam: "Don't fucking lie to me!" [Page Six]
• David Duchovny's 28-year-old Hungarian tennis coach, Edit Pakay, was asked if she'd had an affair with Duchovny. She answered: "I don't want to say anything that might hurt David. I am not going to deny it. I don't know what our relationship means to him." [Daily Mail]
• Ooh, Harper's Bazaar editor Glenda Bailey liked Kenley's designs best on Project Runway and thinks it's a shame she didn't win! Also, the post calls Leanne the "viewer favorite," even though the "fan favorite" was Korto, hello? [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate Olsen and some friends ate at a restaurant in NYC and left a big tip — as well as a wad of chewing gum — on the table. [Page Six]
• Madonna's divorce case will claim that Guy Ritchie was cruel and verbally abusive to her. A source says: "She is alleging he would tell her that she really should give up the live touring and that she 'looked like a granny' compared to the nubile youngsters dancing with her on stage." [Daily Mail, NY Post]
• Seems like Madonna and A-Rod were getting together when his wife was seven months pregnant. He had this apartment he never told his wife about, and Madonna would meet him there. [Fox 411]
• David Banda's biological father, Yohane Banda, says if he had known Madonna had plans to divorce Ritchie, he never would have agreed to let the celebrity couple adopt his 3-year-old son. [UPI, Times Of London]
• Madonna's publicist, Liz Rosenberg, notorious for lying, says the divorce settlement has not been finalized. [AP]
• Guy Ritchie's dad says it was "horrid" to read about Madge calling his son an "emotional retard" in front of fans. [The Sun]
• Madonna says Guy was "against" the adoption of David Banda. [The Sun]
• Um, this report says that Madonna wants to have a natural child with A-Rod. A friend says: "She thinks he's physically a great specimen. And if she is going to have another child, he would be the ideal man to bring one to her." Gah. [Daily Mail]
• Madonna might not move to NYC after all; the kids are in school in London and she doesn't want to interfere with that. [Mirror]
• This report says Madonna thinks Guy is a gold-digger, and that the kids are home-schooled and go on the road with her. [The Sun]
• A source says of the Madonna/Guy split: "She’s got a team of Kabbalah advisers who guide her through her spiritual decisions. If they say something is justified, then she feels comfortable going ahead and doing it. It’s only going to get worse (the public jabs) if Kabbalah greenlights it. Expect ugliness of epic proportions." [MSNBC]
• Guy Ritchie maybe told friends that making love to Madonna was like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle." [Daily Mail]
• Nicole Richie is the happiest she's ever been. "Parenthood is easier than I thought. Everybody was saying, before giving birth, sleep now because you'll never sleep with a baby but she sleeps 12 hours a day and I'm sleeping, too. She's the sweetest little angel." [The Sun]
• The Lost Madonna Tapes. Early songs. [The Daily Beast]
• Russell Simmons has a "bunch of money" tied up in a Lehman Brothers fund in London, but he says: "I don't worry about it. I have lots of staff members; I want to make sure everyone keeps getting fed." He does worry about the five charities he heads. "I’m not going to cut down on them so I can have another ride on a private plane." [NY Mag]
• So the son of the Beckhams' housekeepers, who's being held in an eBay investigation, used to dress up in Beckham's suits. [Mirror]
• Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady: Getting hitched? They are planning a wedding reception at Tavern On The Green in NYC. [Page Six]
• Victoria Beckham arrived in Madrid and asked that her suite have "only white colors" in it. White candles and white roses. No word on whether she only let white people in. [Page Six]
• Tom Cruise was seen posing on the streets of New York with Suri Cruise. Walking slowly, stopping at the car with the door open, just letting the paparazzi get pictures. "Exploiting" his daughter? Or making sure the photogs get what they want so they don't jostle and follow the car? [Perez Hilton]
• At a listening party, rapper Q-Tip was asked if he really dated Nicole Kidman. He said: "Yes, I did. So what?" [LA Times]
• Sean Penn is visiting Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Again. The actor accompanied the President during the inspection of a natural gas pipeline on Sunday. [Yahoo News]
• Heidi Montag's ex-boyfriend, Jordan Eubanks, says: "Since dating Spencer [Pratt], Heidi's whole mentality has changed—everything has changed. She's done a total 180, and I think it's so sad." Plus! There's a pic of him with Heidi and she's got her old nose and boobs. [E!]
• Chris Martin was being interviewed and talking about how Gwyneth told him he could only leave her if it was for one of the chicks in Girls Aloud. He told her that she could leave for Irish singers Westlife. The interviewer said, "You could have at least told her Brad Pitt." To which Martin replied, "She was engaged to him, you fucker." Then Martin punched the guy and called him a "cunt." [Jossip]
• Chris Martin says he was "just fooling around" when he punched the reporter. [Rush & Molloy]
• Don Cornelius of Soul Train was arrested over the weekend on suspicion of domestic violence. [AP]
• Katie Price, aka Jordan, has walked out on husband Peter Andre. She's on the cover of the UK version of OK!. [Perez Hilton]
• Actor Gale Harold, of Desperate Housewives and Queer As Folk, was in a serious motorcycle accident last week. He had swelling on the brain and a fractured shoulder but is expected to recover. [Star]
• Oi! Amy Winehouse and David Beckham have the UK's "most hated celebrity accents." [The Star]
• Eminem's new book includes thoughts about the 2006 shooting death of his close friend and fellow D12 rapper Proof: "I have never felt so much pain in my life. It was tough for me to even get out of bed, and I had days when I couldn't walk, let alone write a rhyme." [People]
• Andy Dick has been ordered by a court to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet for one year. Think he can last that long? [UPI]
• Ali Larter had an engagement party over the weekend. [People]
• Morgan Freeman has agreed to help kick off the first Blues at Moon Music Festival at Mississippi's Golden Moon Hotel and Casino in Choctaw, MS. [UPI]
• Sir Paul McCartney's new love, Nancy Shevell, has moved in. [The Sun]
• Headline of the day: "The Grandadiator: Russell Crowe's raging grandfather makes hellraising star look tame." [Daily Mail]
• Jeff Probst created a new show, Live Like You're Dying, for CBS. The gist: A person who has been given a terminal diagnosis with a finite amount of time to live will be taken "on the last adventure of their life." But it's not morbid! "The focus of the show is not death," says Probst. "The story we’re going tell is about living. This is a show that is intended to inspire everybody to get the most out of their lives every day." [EW]
• Carrie Fisher's memoir includes this info about Star Wars: She was looking at her white costume when director George Lucas said, "You can't wear a bra under that dress." "Why?" asked Fisher. "There's no underwear in space," he replied. [Page Six]
• Rihanna rode a Segway around the mall in Vegas, attempted to look cool while doing so. [Concrete Loop]
• A male friend of actress Bonnie Somerville was shot and wounded at a party in West Hollywood; it may have been a BB gun. [UPI]
• Jeremy Piven talks about being in Mamet's play Speed-The-Plow on Broadway: "I don’t think there would be an Entourage without David Mamet." [NY Times]
• Michael Kors: Spotted checking out pusses at the Cat Show in NYC! [Fey Friends]
• If Christie Brinkley's ex, Peter Cook, has a sex tape of himself with his teen mistress, it's a felony: She was 18 at the time and recorded without her knowledge. [NY Post]
• John Legend hearts Obama and the feeling is mutual. [Guardian]
• Liza Minnelli: On Broadway! Two weeks only! [Variety]
• Lily Tomlin wants Jenny, who's been working at the Dallas Zoo for 22 years, to retire. Jenny is a 32-year-old elephant; Tomlin wants her sent to a sanctuary. [MSNBC]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood cheated on his wife with Kelly LeBrock…in 1981. [Daily Mail]
• "I never got introduced to [Bond creator Ian Fleming] until I was well into the movie but I know he was not happy with me as the choice. What was it he called me, or told somebody? That I was an over-developed stunt man. He never said it to me. When I did eventually meet him he was very interesting, erudite and a snob – a real snob." — Sean Connery, recalling filming Dr. No. [Daily Express]

Dean Winters
Role on Sex: Carrie's fuck buddy John McFadden. After her second massive break from big, Carrie attempts to make her fuck buddy John into a real boyfriend. This attempt fails miserably.
Where Is He Now: Since his hard time in Carrie, Dean Winters moved on to greener pastures: he has a recurring role as Liz Lemon's hilariously deadbeat boyfriend on 30 Rock, Dennis "the beeper king" Duffy. He also has a recurring role on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

John Slattery
Role on Sex: Bill Kelley, an up-and-coming politician and total silver fox. His relationship with Carrie fizzles because he's obsessed with golden showers.
Where Is He Now: As silvery and foxy as ever, John plays slimy-yet-handsome ad exec Roger Sterling. He also had a recurring role on Desperate Housewives, but our hearts belong to Roger.

David Duchovny
Role on Sex: Carrie's erstwhile high school boyfriend Jeremy. He lives in Denver, but has taken a trip out East so he can go to a mental institution. His relationship with Carrie is a no-go because of his mental fragility, but that did not preclude them from knocking the boots a couple times.
Where Is He Now: We all know that David stars as a sex addict on the acclaimed Showtime dramedy Californication and also in his actual life. He was already a bona fide TV star before his time on Sex, but perhaps his time in Carrie-land inspired him to take the more emotionally complex role of Hank Moody on Californication.

Craig Bierko
Role on Sex: Creepy jazz-obsessed Ray King. Things do not work out with Carrie because he can barely hold a conversation that doesn't involve music.
Where Is He Now: earlier this year, Craig starred in a Fox sitcom called Unhitched with Rashida Jones. He played Jack 'Gator' Gately, a 35-year-old who recently divorced his college sweetheart. He is back in the dating scene and totally clueless. Even though it was produced by There's Something About Mary scribes Bobby and Peter Farrelly, the show was canceled after six episodes. However, we know that Carrie holds a leprauchan-ish pot of gold between those gams of hers, so we have high hopes that Craig's TV career will rebound in the near future!