• Could Michael Lohan go to jail for the phone calls he's been leaking?

Apparently Dina Lohan has had a protective order since 2005 — and it bans Michael Lohan from communicating with Dina by email or phone through 2011. One of the calls is supposedly from 2008, meaning Michael definitely violated the order. [TMZ]

• A "source" on Nicole Kidman's face at the Country Music Awards: "She looked freakish; She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan." [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating! Director Catherine Hardwicke says so! But she says: "It didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film," since KStew was 18. Now that she's 19, it's on! TWILIGHT IS REAL ZOMG SPARKLEVAMP 4EVA BITE ME. [Us]
• Because he is awesome, Johnny Depp has offered to take care of Nicolas Cage's debts. Apparently Johnny was a struggling musician when he met Nic in the '80s, and Nic sent Johnny to his agent, who cast Johnny in Nightmare On Elm Street. [Daily Express]
• Levi Johnston had his Playgirl shoot yesterday, which involved a hockey stick and, naturally, nudity. Levi's manager Tank Jones says: "The shoot was fantastic! People are going to see more of Levi than they thought." Grrrreat. There's another shoot today; may we suggest a moose-skin rug? Or an igloo? [Us]
• Levi Johnston says he sees his upcoming memoir becoming a movie. "I would play myself," he says, naturally. [Gatecrasher]
• As previously mentioned, Chris Brown went to a Footaction store on Wednesday, and was heckled. A woman shouted, "I hope someone beats the fucking shit out of you!" Today Chris will be on Wendy Williams saying he's been "perceived wrong" and I'm definitely remorseful, and it's not something that I take lightly or think that it's, like, under the rug." [Page Six]
• Before the Country Music Awards, Wynonna Judd said Taylor Swift's nomination for Entertainer Of The Year was "too much too soon… I want kids to earn it." But now she says: "My intent was not to take anything from her talent and contributions to the country music industry… Taylor is a beautiful, hard working young woman that deserves the success she has had and I support her as an artist and as a woman in the business." Sure, sure. [Us Magazine]
• Lily Allen has hurt her foot after falling while carrying a suitcase down a flight of stairs. [The Sun]
• DVR alert: Kathy Griffin will be on Law & Order SVU. [TV Guide]
• Balloon Dad Richard Heene turned himself in yesterday and was released on a $5000 bond. [ET]
• Richard Heene will plead guilty to felony charges, his lawyer claims. Mayumi Heene will plead guilty to false reporting to authorities — a misdemeanor. Is there a law against making everyone worry? [NY Post]
• Amy Winehouse is working with a Miami-based producer on her third record, but her visa issues keep her from traveling. [The Sun]
• If you would like to see a mug shot of Cindy Crawford's alleged blackmailer, click the link. He's a former model who took a photograph he found in Cindy's nanny's room, and the pic shows Cindy's daughter bound and gagged for a "prank." [TMZ]
• Nadya Suleman would like for you to know that she is a competent mother. [Us]
• Some guy is auctioning off Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's marriage certificate from when they tied the knot in the Dominican Republic in 1994. The names Jackson + Presley = ca$h. [Perez]
• 20-year-old Daniel Radcliffe smoked pot and a party and it is "news." [Mirror]
• Geena Davis has gained weight and it is "news." [NY Daily News]
• Whoa — Emmy Rossum met Adam Duritz via Twitter? [People]
• BREAKING: Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent are no longer pissed at each other. [Page Six]
• Rumors abounded but now it's official: Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane are expecting their first child. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, David Beckham talks about playing with the LA Galaxy today, which means missing an England vs. Brazil game. [Guardian]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $20,000 by British club promoters who claim she accepted money but then did not appear at an event, saying she had a nosebleed. No, really. [NY Post]
• Aerosmith's management reportedly asked Steven Tyler to perform in a wheelchair. "I just wouldn't do it," Tyler told Rolling Stone. Not even if you were contractually obligated to do the gig and hurt yourself acting crazy on stage? Hmm. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Tori Amos' fantasy band would have Janis Joplin on vocals, Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, Bootsy Collins on bass and Zeppelin's John Bonham on drums. [Independent]
• In "10 Questions For Tony Hawk," the skateboarder says: "I don't want to name names. I'm just saying many Olympic sports require less physical effort and less talent than skateboarding." [Time]
• Chris Mann wrote the Three's Company tell-all book Come and Knock on Our Door, and served as consulting producer on NBC's behind-the-scenes movie about Company. On his blog, he writes that before John Ritter died, he was asked about Suzanne Somers' supposed breast cancer, and Ritter said: "We don't know if Suzanne has cancer or not, because she lies." [Retroality.tv]
• Jon & Kate is being replaced by Cake Boss, a show that seems super scripted but still pretty funny. And unlike those weird "challenge" cake shows, the cakes actually look edible and delicious. [NY Post]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor has tax problems. Will she have to move to the country and live on a farm with a pig named Arnold? Oh wait. That was Eva. Anyway, Bernard Madoff is to blame for this. [TMZ]
• Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009 airs December 19, and will feature the best holiday sketches from the show's 35-year history. [NY Post]
• TMZ lifted images from Radar Online. [Page Six]
• The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit, with Josh Brolin instead of John Wayne. [NY Daily News]
• "Look, I really am the last British actor who's not in any of the Harry Potter films. I was looking for something I could do that would make me cool in the eyes of my daughter." — Michael Sheen, of Frost/Nixon and, more importantly, New Moon. He also says: "I had to say to my daughter, 'I heard someone talking about this character Aro in these books. Do you know anything about that?' And she said, 'Yes, he's the leader of the Volturi and he reads people's minds. Are you playing him?' Of course I said, 'no, no, no'. When it was all worked out, she cried. Then she hit me." [Independent]
• It feels weird to do interviews because I don't understand why anyone wants to talk to me. There were all these other guys in high school that were bigger, funnier, and more handsome than I was, so why do you care about what I have to say? You should ask them." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I'm not aware of any fans. I do nothing to live in secrecy, but I really don't get recognized anywhere. Though I was walking my dog recently when someone yelled, 'Hey, Jason!' They said it so sweetly that I turned around and said, 'Hey!' Then they said, 'Fuck you, you asshole!' and drove away." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I had friends growing up, but I struggled to feel like I really fit in. If I was invited to a party, I would just end up sitting on a couch or standing in a corner by myself. But it wasn't like I was getting beat up or anything. I wish I had gotten beaten up, because at least that would've justified why I felt so homesick all the time, even though I was home." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "Susan Boyle is a lovely gracious woman, and I took advantage of that by poking fun at her." — Sharon Osboune, who, a week ago, said SuBo looked like she'd been hit by a "fucking ugly stick." [NY Post]
• We were disappointed, but we understand. He's only 1. But we were in Alaska and have plenty of footage of Trig." — Barbara Walters wanted to have Sarah Palin's grandson Trig in the studio, but he has a cold and couldn't make it. [Page Six]
• "It's disgusting that people would say those things. My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady. There's gonna be a time when I'm way curvier, and that'll be sexy, too." — Ashlee Simpson is tired of people calling Jessica Simpson fat. Ashlee also says her husband loves her body:"Pete isn't worried about stretch marks," she says. "He always makes me feel good." [Gatecrasher]
• "I have half-a-dozen close friends and Mariah is among the dearest. I flatter myself that the relationship is reciprocal: Mariah and I share a strong, sisterly friendship. She signs off all her letters to me with the affectionate endearment: 'Your sis, M.' Though she is stupendously rich and I am relatively poor, it is a friendship of equals. She visits me in my small home; I am a frequent guest at her various mansions and holiday villas all over the world." — from a piece written by a former MTV host who stayed friends with Mariah Carey after meeting her through work. [Daily Mail]
• "There are so many young girls wearing too much makeup, too much hairspray — I find that very dated." — Victoria Beckham. [Gatecrasher via Harper's Bazaar UK]

P.S. When he wasn't being all fake/real gay on Three's Company, John Ritter was totally bangable back in the day.

A Sore for Sighted Eyes [TV Carnage]

• Nicole Richie's People magazine cover is outselling Christina Aguilera's. What's up with that? [MSNBC]
  
• Winona Ryder: Not engaged. Well crap. Is that guy going to feel pressured to pop the question now? [Us]
  
• Also not engaged: Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson. [People]
  
• Video: Pete Doherty, smoking crack-like substance. Out of a pipe shaped like a chicken. This is not a joke. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Tom Cruise: Seen washing his hands for 5 minutes, "as thoroughly as a surgeon preparing for surgery" after using the restroom. Here's to LHR! [Times Of India]
  
• That "guru" Paris Hilton was hanging out with? He's a Hollywood actor who has been in flicks like Pirates Of The Caribbean. That's doesn't explain why she's spending time with him, but whatevs. [TMZ]
  
• Bjork made Chinese fans "uncomfortable" by shouting "Tibet! Tibet!" at a show in Shanghai. [CNN]

• Jennifer Lopez's twins have 600-thread count Egyptian cotton linens, classical music piped in, and professional baby masseuse who come once or twice a week. Yawn. [Mirror]
• Carey Hart says that Pink is "the love of my life." Although they are separated, "We talk all the time." [People]
• Sarah Jessica Parker's unreleased movie, Spinning Into Butter, might just suck: It's lacking a distributor and she says, "One enters these endeavors with the best of intentions, but sometimes they don't work out." [Page Six]
• Justin Long says girlfriend Drew Barrymore "smells good." Also: "She's beautiful and funny. The most compassionate person I've ever met." [People]
• "Part of the bar mitzvah is that you become a man supposedly at 13 years old. And as I was a man, I decided never to go to a synagogue again" — Jack Black. [Page Six]
• Village Voice columnist Michael Musto will appear on the cover of the paper spoofing the Lindsay Lohan nude photo shoot. Musto says: "Lindsay did 250 crunches the night before her shooting. Well, I did 250 Nestle's Crunches." [Page Six]
• Thursday night, Barack Obama will attend the opening of the all-black revival of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof on Broadway. He'll have mad Secret Service, of course. [Gatecrasher]
• Cashmere Mafia: On the verge of dunzo? [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which singer turned Broadway star is miserable along the Great White Way? Although he privately gripes that he hates the show he's in, he has to ride out his contract." [Gatecrasher]
• James Blunt showed video footage of bombed homes, dead bodies and graves during a his concert on Friday. "The film was my footage," the former armed NATO peacekeeper explains. [Rush & Molloy]
• Lauren Conrad moved into her new house (with Audrina and Lo) and got a new puppy! [People]
• Actress Jeri Ryan has a new baby girl, Gisele Eme. Welcome! [People]
• Bai Ling was formally charged with petty theft from that incident last month in which she stole two Star magazines and some batteries and then blamed a bad break up. The value of the items? $16.22. [People]
• John Ritter's widow testified yesterday, detailing the events surrounding her husband's death. [USA Today]
• Rumor has it that Mischa Barton turned down a role on Gossip Girl to make it seem like she is too famous for that; her rep says the info was not leaked for publicity. Ugh, so glad she won't be hanging with Serena and Blair. [Perez Hilton]
• Eddie Van Halen is undergoing medical tests, causing the band the reschedule its upcoming concerts. Eddie has fought cancer and alcoholism in the past, this issue has yet to be disclosed. [Reuters]
• Disney Channel star Miley Cyrus will perform at rival network Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awards??? It's like a tear in the space-time continuum. [Reuters]
• There's a rift between Steve Irwin's widow and his father, if you give a crap about that kind of stuff. [Independent]
• British "glamour model" Jordan, aka Katie Price, is purchasing a plane, which she plans to paint pink and pilot herself. Awesome? Or crazy? Or crazy awesome? [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Is Cindy Crawford coming to Good Morning America or The View? [Variety]
• Madonna may be turning 50, but there's no stopping her: "I'm sure I wasn't put on this earth just to make records. There are a lot of things I want to achieve. I'd like to be a better human being. I'd like to be a better parent. I still have my children to raise. That's a big responsibility, I'm not done with that. I would like to direct more films and write them. I've only done one. To me that's the beginning of that career and I want to make more records. I love music." Go ahead, girl! [Mirror]

• Fergie: Pregnant? Sources say she and Josh Duhamel are moving up the wedding date because she doesn't want the bump to be too obvious. Honestly, she did seem a wee soft in the face when she was singing with John Legend at the Grammys, but it looked good. [Page Six]
  
• Also on Grammy night: Dita Von Teese was seen "getting snuggly" with Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean? Wait, what? [Page Six]
  
• And Lindsay Lohan Paris Hilton was seen "aggressively trying" to get with John Mayer. Sigh. [Page Six]
  
• Is Britney going on a world tour? A source says she'll train for a month and then leave the country, getting away from her "friend" Sam Lutfi and boyfriend Adnan Ghalib. [Page Six]
  
• Meanwhile, Britney's father got permission to fire her business manager, whom he does not trust. [People]
  
• Although taking control of her finances is tough, because Britney is an adult. [Newsweek]
  
• Lenny Kravitz is in the hospital with severe bronchitis. Get well! [Reuters]

• Ryan Phillippe says his divorce from Reese Witherspoon was "the darkest, saddest place I had ever been" and he couldn't get out of bed for four or five months. [People]
• Uma Thurman: "I'd like more children. I asked the doctor, she said there's still time. I still have the sippy cups." [Page Six]
• The authors of the latest Anna Nicole Smith book are suing their publisher. It's always something. [Gatecrasher]
• Though all of the Spice Girls were in New York this weekend, Posh partied without Ginger, Baby, Sporty and Scary. What happened to "friendship never ends"? [Gatecrasher]
• Nicolas Cage is suing Kathleen Turner for writing that he was arrested twice for DUI and possibly stealing a Chihuahua. "I have never been arrested for anything in my life, nor have I stolen a dog," Nic says. [Rush & Molloy]
• Entourage star Kevin Connolly either did or did not jump some guy at a nightclub and pummel him in the head. The guy filed charges but then called the sheriff's office and said "never mind." [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton dropped her cat at the vet two weeks ago and has yet to pick her up; the woman she adopted the cat from says the cat is now abandoned. But! This seems to be a publicity stunt for the woman's foundation. So whatever. [People]
• Natalie Cole on Amy Winehouse: "I don't think she should have won. I think it sends a bad message to our young people... We have to stop rewarding bad behavior." [People]
• Joel Madden says baby Harlow is a "mama's girl." He also says Nicole Richie is "a wonderful mother and looks really hot already... There's something so attractive about her now. It's a motherly glow." Aw, a compliment wrapped in an insult, sweet! [People]
• Miley Cyrus' new movie features a scene where she's riding in the back seat of a Range Rover — without a seat belt. SCANDAL. [USA Today]
• Sienna Miller told a British court she felt hunted and in a "threatening situation" when paparazzi chased her car across London in an attempt to find out where she lived. One day one of these aggro-pap stories is going to end very badly. [USA Today]
• On the 25th anniversary of Thriller, Michael Jackson thanks his fans and promises new music. Meanwhile, the old stuff is awesome! [USA Today]
• Relive some Michael Jackson memories here. [Rolling Stone]
• Michelle Williams is back in New York after attending Heath Ledger's funeral in Australia. [People]
• John Ritter's family is suing the doctors who treated him before he died; attorneys say because Ritter never got a chest X-ray, he got the wrong treatment, leading to his death. [Reuters]
• Gwyneth Paltrow may adopt a baby from Brooklyn; "I'm a New York girl," she says. [Mirror]
• Denise Richards' new reality show for E! will focus on her life as a single mom. Ryan Seacrest is producing. No comment. [Variety]
• Shrek The Musical: Coming to Broadway in December. [USA Today]