Jezebel
clips
-
douche du jour
Match "Rich Guys & Hot Girls" Matchmaker Jeremy Abelson With His Offensive Quotes!
Meet Jeremy Abelson! We met him thanks to the ever-life-affirming Page Six Magazine. (Thanks to also-affirming P6M contributor Josh Stein!) If "Crap Email From A Dude" generally serves to remind you why you made that pledge never to date another bartender/bike messenger/Sad Aging Literary Man, the role of such Douche Du Jour types as Paul Janka and Mike Cherico and John Fitzgerald Page and now Jeremy Abelson — the 28-year-old promoter behind that Fashion Meets Finance party — is to forgive you for relapsing with that unemployed two-timing performance poet or whatever because oh, my God, it gets so much fucking worse when you start dabbling in the sort of dudes who control assets more valuable than their record collections. More » -
the week that was
This Week We Loved Our Moms, Our Undies, Ourselves
- We agreed we would lie to our kids about our debauched pasts. There will be fewer than eighteen of them, trust.
- You could do a lot of debaucherous damage with these crazy underoos from the International Male folks.
- We didn't just talk about International Males, we discussed international and race relations, and vowed to try harder.
- We also gave some real talk about sex writing.
- More real talk: forgetting there's a tampon in your twat.
- We agreed we would lie to our kids about our debauched pasts. There will be fewer than eighteen of them, trust.
-
audience amusements
LOLAudience: Paul Janka & John Fitzgerald Page On Dr. Phil
Yesterday, two notable specimens of boy-foe material, Paul Janka and John Fitzgerald Page, appeared on Dr. Phil to let talk about their big egos in front of a female-only audience. The audience reactions were so priceless — lots of disgust and appalled laughter — that today, one of you asked us to give the images the LOL treatment, an "offer" we couldn't refuse. The results, after the jump. More » -
-
ignoble asshats
V.S. Naipaul Is Worse Than Mike Cherico And John Fitzgerald Page And Also Norman Mailer
Comrades, there's a new Douche Du Jour in service for your virtual lashings and denunciations: novelist and Nobel laureate V.S. Naipaul! (Just call him "Naipaul Janka"!) Okay, so if you knew who V.S. Naipaul was, you knew he was a jerk. He's an unapologetic racist who fucked whores, beat his mistress, and never gave an interview that didn't convey his giddy, almost-glorious overabundance of self-esteem - remember what Roseanne said about self-esteem? — and is currently in his eighth decade of perfecting his specific brand of hysterical awfulness. Famous writer Paul Theroux had a falling-out with him and wrote a memoir about his condonement of slavery and such. But now comes the (authorized!) biography, in which even he admits his bragging about the whorefucking played a part in killing his first wife Pat — who forewent chemotherapy so as not to be a "nuisance," after which he sold her diaries, without reading them. Can it get worse? Paul Theroux has a lot to share with the class! More » -
manifestos
"I Am A Law School Girl (Snatch, Gunch, Clam, Whisker Biscuit -- Pick Your Subject Synonym)..."
"This accounts for some 80% of the gunch at law school," claims a University of Florida law student who goes by the name of Benjamin Straight, before cutting and pasting a charming essay he's composed about a sort of tragic character that, depending upon your point of view, describes either the average "law school girl" or the inner monologue of the average late-onset misogynist, in all its sheeeeeer unbridled lunacy. Straight — I can't find him in the campus directory but, according to a Jezebel tipster, he's a second-year with a wife and kids, because there if there's anything we can learn from lawyers there's no justice in this world — has a fledgling blog over at the URL BigDaddyThunder and, it would seem, something resembling contempt for his fellow human beings, because he has also dedicated an essay to a short, balding, unshaven hair product-abusing Miami character he calls "Law School Guy." More » -
- 1
1-6 of 6 for "john fitzgerald page"
