• The Dr. Biden love continues in this interview, where we learn how she influences her husband (Scotch-taping articles and opinions to the bathroom mirror) and her reasons for working ("I think it's very important for a woman to have her own money and be independent"). • A recent study shows that those who witness bullying may experience just as many problems afterward as the victims themselves. A survey of 2,002 students from the UK found that those who reported seeing bullying were more likely to report psychological distress than either the bullies or the victims. •  Italian officials have made it illegal to perform breast enhancement surgery on girls under the age of 18. While there are many good reasons to wait a few more years for surgery, they are primarily concerned with the number of under-qualified doctors. They claim that the legislation is aimed primarily at girls who go under the knife "purely for fashion reasons and have no idea of the risks involved." •  On Sunday, the New York Times reported on Mar/Com, a company that is making a killing fighting gay rights. The San Francisco-based company has worked against human rights in both California and Maine. Residents in Maine payed Mar/Com about $1.6 million to produce anti-gay marriage television and radio ads. • Amanda Knox spoke with reporters from the Associated Press in her jail cell in Perugia. She says she is "waiting and always hoping," and recalls feeling "horrendous" after her conviction. "The guards helped me out, they held me all night," she says. Knox also says she is continuing her studies from prison, and remains in contact with her former professors. •  Investigators announced on Monday that two Muslim women, whose deaths sparked independence rallies and riots in Kashmir, were not actually murdered. The Central Bureau of Investigation says that the two young women were drowned and have taken action against doctors for fabricating evidence. However, the victims' relatives reject the CBI's findings. • The U.S. Commission on Civil Rights has called for an investigation into college admission procedures to determine whether or not women are being discriminated against. Many schools apparently do not want to have a female-heavy population, yet receive far more applications from females than their male peers. In attempts to keep a balance, some schools have ended up making it much easier for men to be accepted than women. •  Pregnancy hormones may give women superpowers, according to a new study. When pregnant, women display a heightened ability to read faces, especially threatening or angry expressions. •  Police have combed the journals of Mitrice Richardson for clues to explain her disappearance three months ago. While her family holds onto the hope that Richardson is still alive, officials believe the most likely scenario is that she wandered into the mountains and "succumbed to the elements" after being arrested for skipping out on a check. • Two female players from the University of Missouri's basketball team were arrested on Friday after they allegedly beat up a 21-year-old male cheerleader at a party. Both women have been suspended from the team. • R.I.P. Rose Kaufman, co-screenwriter of the first NC-17 rated film Henry & June. Kaufman passed away on December 7th at the age of 70. • 

While it's being billed as a "reward" for her work at the State Department, one wonders if it isn't because moving Hillary Clinton's get-it-done attitude wouldn't be helpful on the Senate floor.

Michael Hirsh, writing obnoxiously for Newsweek, thinks that Obama is going about foreign policy all wrong, and that only Secretary Clinton can fix the problem. Well, she could, if only she could let go of one certain pet issue (emphasis mine):

The one hope for forward movement on all these issues may be to rethink them entirely-not just the strategy but the personnel, too. That's not to say Holbrooke, Mitchell, and Co. should go, but their efforts should be subordinated to higher-level engagement, especially from Clinton. The secretary of state must play a much more active role on a regular basis; only Clinton, apart from Obama himself, has the necessary political star power, acumen, and gravitas to make a difference. It's clear that she can no longer afford to allow herself to remain at a strategic distance or to be sidetracked on women's issues, only occasionally parachuting in for ill-briefed appearances as she did in the Mideast.

Silly ladies! Don't we know that the real work of stabilizing a country by empowering a disenfranchised segment of the population will have to wait until we've sufficiently rattled sabres and swung dicks around?

Of course, Hirsh has a recommendation on exactly how to accomplish said dick-swinging:

For example, with additional troops likely to be deployed to Afghanistan soon, it may be wise to seek to negotiate with the Taliban, which we are not doing. At the same time it may be better policy not to negotiate with Tehran, as we are now doing. The West should consider new ways to isolate the discredited regime in Iran and find fresh methods of encouraging the still-insurgent election dissidents.

On the Mideast, perhaps we should drop all pretense of addressing final-status issues that are clearly irresolvable at present and look instead for a long-term interim arrangement[.]

However, Hillary Clinton will not be so easily dissuaded from looking at a different way to promote international peace ad equality.

"Women are key to our being able to resolve all of those difficult conflicts," Mrs. Clinton said in a speech in August. Since then, she has pursued initiatives to help women gain political power, personal safety and enough money to help their communities and countries improve economically and transition to democracy.

"There is nothing that has been more important to me over the course of my lifetime than advancing the rights of women and girls," she said in a Washington speech Nov. 6. "And it is now a cornerstone of American foreign policy."

And:

By elevating the plight of women so publicly, Mrs. Clinton has breathed new life into women's issues on Capitol Hill. Senator John Kerry and Representative William Delahunt, Massachusetts Democrats, are expected soon to introduce legislation to make permanent the ambassadorship Ms. Verveer now holds.

Their measure would also direct the administration to create a five-year strategy that reduces assaults against women and girls in at least 10 nations and creates ways to judge the effectiveness of U.S. aid in advancing the goal.

Clinton would be an asset in either position, so the question is clear: where does she want to be in 2016?

Could Hillary Clinton Replace Biden As Obama's VP? [US News and World Report]
Out With The Envoys [Newsweek]
Advancing Women A Top Clinton Goal [NY Times]

Weaver — who has been seeking an interview with Obama for months — has gotten no response to his letter to the White House, but MSNBC's Norah O'Donnell thinks Weaver shouldn't get discouraged. Weaver, however, is just a little tired of being fawned over by TV anchorpeople, if his expressions this time are any indication. Ever the consummate professional, he keeps his eye rolls in check, his banter sparkling and doesn't express frustration with the fact that his interview tells him he's trying to crack a dying industry. He's going to score that 12-and-under exclusive yet!

Earlier: Kid Reporter Wants Obama To Be His Homeboy
Damon Weaver: Child Reporter, Heartbreaker

• Wanda Sykes' White House Correspondents' Dinner performance was pretty funny , but some conservatives, including Meghan McCain, aren't laughing because they're too busy feigning outrage for the cameras. [C-SPAN, ABC News, NY Daily News]

• Dick Cheney continues to hone his own special brand of performance art; now he's claiming that Colin Powell is less worthy of attention than Rush Limbaugh and the U.S. should just keep on torturing people. [Associated Press]
• Nancy Pelosi continues to deny that she knew a thing about waterboarding, let alone signed off on it, but it turns out her top aide was specifically briefed on it before she signed off on a letter to the CIA opposing it. [Politico, Washington Post]
• Obama's going to have a meeting today where health insurance companies will totally promise to raise your rates by 1.5% less next year. For most people, this means they'll be jacking up their prices by 4 times the rate of inflation rather than 5, co congratufuckinglations. [Associated Press]
• John Edwards' staffers say now that they planned to sabotage his campaign if he looked to be winning the primaries. [ABC News]
• Joe Biden's a busy guy, having now added advising Obama on potential Supreme Court nominees to his resume. [Washington Post]
• Defense Secretary Robert Gates' plan to shift 10 percent of military spending to items our troops currently need to protect their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan is facing opposition from Republicans who want to make sure that whatever soldiers survive our current wars without armored vehicles and medical transport helicopters have big tanks and airplanes with which to invade China and Russia. [NY Times]
• John McCain believes that the military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy is working just fine at weeding out the dreaded gays from its ranks. Who needs a cunning linguist in the military, anyway? [ThinkProgress]
• No one knows where in the world Osama bin Laden or Carmen Sandiego can be found. (Carmen's probably easier to find). [Associated Press]

• Hillary Clinton is having a lottery to retire her campaign debt — and the prizes are a day in New York with Bill, one in D.C. with James Carville, or American Idol tickets. [Washington Post]

• Karl Rove called Vice President Joe Biden a serial exaggerator, a liar and a blowhard. Apparently, Rove sees Mr. Biden in the mirror every morning. [Politico]
• Rove also had a run-in at a restaurant with former Congressman Tom Feeney's former chief of staff. Rove said that Feeney lost his re-election because he was stupid, his staffer took exception and Rove admitted he has a file of everything Feeney ever said that disagreed with Bush. Is it just me or does Karl Rove actually seem more evil and crazy now than he used to? [Politico]
• Alabama Congressman Spencer Bachus has a list of all the Socialists in Congress. Spencer Bachus sees Karl Rove being chased by Bolsheviks in his mirror every morning. [Huffington Post]
• Conservative blogger Erick Erickson thinks Levi and Mercede Johnston are fucking. Some people write about politics, other people write about their masturbatory fantasies. [Huffington Post]
• Bill O'Reilly really hates the Eminem video portraying Sarah Palin because it features neither loofahs nor falafel. [Us Weekly]
• Barack Obama himself prefers pizza. [People]
• And Obama wants more money to finish up those Iraq and Afghanistan wars. [Washington Post]
• And, finally, the best and possibly only good thing about the day: watch Rachel Maddow say "teabagging" over and over again, only to be joined by Ana Marie Cox, who then says "teabagging" over and over again, and Maddow only loses it once. That's a news professional, or Howard Stern's sidekick, for you.

• Actor Kal Penn is joining the Obama Administration as a public relations guy, meaning that speechwriter Jon Favreau will soon be giving up his trophy as the hottest youngster in the Administration. [Huffington Post]

• Michelle Obama came back early from the Obama's European tour to spend time with the girls. [Washington Post]
• But not because they are playing in toxic mulch! [LA Times]
• Barack Obama, however, stayed in Europe and headed to Turkey where he declined, again, to call the Armenian genocide a genocide. [Washington Post]
• Also, after he declared that America is not at war with Islam, Ann Coulter's head exploded. (It made a surprisingly gentle popping noise.) [Washington Post]
• ...Cheney butt-boy Frank Gaffney says this means that President Obama is taking it up the ass from Mohammed at this point. (Frank Gaffney knows from taking it up the ass from men you idolize.) [ThinkProgress]
• Which is obviously why Obama made an unscheduled stop this morning to visit troops in Iraq. [Guardian]
• Defense Secretary Robert Gates has had the audacity to point out that we spend a fuckload of money on weapons and military shit that the military doesn't need to win wars. [Washington Post]
• All the people who make fuckloads of money by convincing Congress to buy crap our soldiers don't need — as though there's something patriotic about robbing them of body armor in order to pay for a new Presidential helicopter so Lockheed execs can have nicer Ferraris — are flipping the fuck out. [Associated Press]
• Torture: it's not just for members of our armed forces anymore! [NY Times]
• Lots of people still really love VP candidate Sarah Palin. [CBS News]
• Actual Vice President Joe Biden went to a baseball game and cracked jokes about his bald spot and Dan Quayle; there's video. [Huffington Post]

• Did Joe Biden's daughter Ashley, a social worker, really snort coke in Delaware with her boyfriend and some non-friends or is some dickhead just trying to exploit her noteriety? [NY Daily News, NY Daily News]

• The White House has forced the resignation of GM CEO Rick Wagoner because they don't like his plan for the rest of the bailout money he still wants. [LA Times]
• Michigan Congressman Thaddeus McCotter wants to know when the fuck Obama is going to make a damn banker resign for fucking up his bailout money. [Huffington Post]
• New Hampshire Bag of Dicks Senator Judd Gregg wants everyone to remember that he totally snowballed the Administration into offering him a Cabinet Secretary slot so he could spend the next two years being an enormous asshole and get press coverage for it. [Washington Post]
• Illinois Congressman John Shimkus thinks the problem with reducing carbon dioxide emissions is that, by doing so, we'll kill off all the trees. Yeah, dude, I remember photosynthesis from elementary school science class, too. That's not exactly the issue here. [ThinkProgress]
• Obama thinks the Bushies kind of fucked up in Afghanistan by ignoring it in favor of pursuing a war in Iraq because there was no Really Bad Man we could execute in Afghanistan. I mean, there were two of them, at least, but they were hiding and neither tried to assasinate Dubya's pawpaw. [Washington Post]
• Obama's guys on the ground in Pakistan say that a big part of the problem is that the Pakistanis don't trust us. Wonder why that is, given all the peace and prosperity we've brought to the region? [CNN]
• Obama is heading to Europe this week, but will meet with world leaders and not Paris Hilton. [NY Times]
• He and Michelle have picked out an interior decorator to re-do the White House, but they're not taking federal funds or donations to implement his plans so they don't have to deal with the same crap that dogged the Clintons for 8 years. [NY Magazine]
• Sarah Palin selected an enormous homophobic asshole to be her state's Attorney General. [Pam's House Blend]
• Norm Coleman and Texas Senator Jon Cornyn don't care how long Minnesota goes light on its Senatorial representation as long as Al Franken is never the Senator. [Politico]
• Bush started torturing people because he was freaking out and didn't know what else to do. [Huffington Post]

[Washington, D.C., March 25. Image via AP.]

[Baltimore, January 17. Image via Getty.]

U.S. President-elect Barack Obama and his wife Michelle and Vice President elect Joe Biden and his wife Jill as they arrive in Baltimore during a event at the January 17, 2009 during a 137-mile train trip to DC to begin a four-day inaugural celebration (TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)

MEGAN: It is very rare that the news is so full of crap as today, which is why I guess they call Fridays "news dumps." That said, I believe Obama's dump of his advisers' Blago contacts is best represented by this doll which portrays him taking a physical dump. I love this doll. I want one so bad that I actually mentally scrolled through everyone I had ever met — including in Spain in 1995 — to think if there was anyone I could get to buy me one.

SPENCER: Can you summarize the Blago stuff for me? I don't want to read it. Like I really don't care.

MEGAN: Rahm Emanuel called him twice pro forma and everyone is as clean as a whistle. The end. Duh.

SPENCER: I see that even this Weekly Standard writer says, "Yep, not raising any flags for me, either. Now, everybody go on vacation." So is this actually the end or will it go on endlessly like Whitewater?

MEGAN: It will go on endlessly like Whitewater, no doubt. I'm just waiting for someone's cats to disappear or Michelle Obama to be accused of faking someone's suicide. I cannot believe you are ignoring the pooping Obama doll. In other crap, Karl Rove thinks Joe Biden is trying to consolidate power too much. I mean, I just mention it because it seemed like you might need a good laugh. We can stop laughing when Joe Biden gets a man safe, a secret bunker from which he can practice his necromancy and begins to age in reverse, but until then...

SPENCER: Maybe it's because it's Christmas but I can't bring myself to care about a pooping Obama doll. Also can we stop using the word "pooping." What happened to respectable slang terms like "shitting"? "Poop" sounds like something you coo to a baby. It's not like you can't curse on this blog

MEGAN: Shit smells. This is plastic. Ergo, in my mind, it is poop. These things are very strictly delineated in my mind. Also, my parents are walking in and out of the room, so I am apparently unconsciously self-censoring like I did in high school.

SPENCER: What's beautiful about that Rove quote, aside from the hypocrisy — which is pro forma at this point — is his bald assertion that he knows what Biden and Obama talk about. Hilarious. I can't wait for this asshole's book.

MEGAN: I believe we can say "Until he shits out his book," because, man, that's going to reek.

SPENCER: Also, did you catch Jason Linkins' Twitter-meltdown last night? WTF

MEGAN: I will admit something right now that likely makes me a bad friend to Jason. I follow him online but no longer get updates to my phone since he started Twittering football.

SPENCER: Oh I took him off my phone long ago. I have a zero-tolerance policy for over-twitterers.

MEGAN: To make up for that embarrassing admission, I will post what he would have said last Friday had circumstances preventing us from doing Crappy Hour:

Since circumstance robbed us of our Friday Crappy Houring, I wasn't able to say something that I wanted, which was what a highlight of the year it was for me to participate in Crappy Hour, and to thank the jezebel community for their many kindnesses. It was a real honor and a privilege.

SPENCER: And in fairness, I think I might have been live-tweeting that particular Redskins game with him and Greg Greene and Amanda Mattos. AWWWWWW I would say the same thing, but I'm not gay. :)

MEGAN: Aw, you guys.

SPENCER: OK so now to discuss Chris Cox?

MEGAN: Oh, fuck yeah.

SPENCER:

Christopher Cox, the embattled chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, is defending his restrained approach to the financial crisis, saying he has provided steady leadership as Wall Street's main regulator at a time when other federal regulators have responded precipitously to upheaval in the markets.

This is a great quote:

"What we have done in this current turmoil is stay calm, which has been our greatest contribution — not being impulsive, not changing the rules willy-nilly, but going through a very professional and orderly process that takes into account unintended consequences and gives ample notice to market participants."

Like watching every investment bank it oversees self-destruct?

MEGAN: But that's not his job!!

"The public might not understand that that wasn't the SEC's job," he said, adding that the agency was not responsible for preventing investment banks from collapsing but rather for sheltering their securities trading units from problems in the broader corporation. "The SEC is not a safety and soundness regulator," he said.

I also like this part:

Cox said the biggest mistake of his tenure was agreeing in September to an extraordinary three-week ban on short selling of financial company stocks. But in publicly acknowledging for the first time that this ban was not productive, Cox said he had been under intense pressure from Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. and Fed Chairman Ben S. Bernanke to take this action and did so reluctantly. They "were of the view that if we did not act and act at that instant, these financial institutions could fail as a result and there would be nothing left to save," Cox said.

Um, hey, asshole? There's a reason why you got a 5-year term instead of a political appointment: so you wouldn't cave to political pressure to do stuff you know if bad.

SPENCER: No one can resist Hank Paulson. That's how you got those hickeys. What would Dennis Prager say?

MEGAN: Dennis Prager would say that Chrissy Cox should just lie down and spread her legs even if she's not in the mood! Which is apparently what Cox did!

It became the agency's responsibility to monitor them for financial and operational weaknesses under a program set up before Cox's tenure, but under his watch they got into such trouble that today they no longer exist as investment banks. Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers failed, Merrill Lynch had to be taken over, and Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley converted themselves into bank holding companies.

The March collapse of Bear Stearns illustrated an array of agency shortcomings, according to a review by the SEC's inspector general. He concluded that agency officials had been aware of "numerous potential red flags" at Bear Stearns "but did not take actions to limit these risk factors."

"It is undisputable," the inspector general concluded, that the "program failed to carry out its mission in its oversight of Bear Stearns."

SPENCER: That's how Cox thought the country needed to show the markets it loved them

MEGAN: I mean, the problem is that Cox was kind of a slut, he'd just spread 'em for anyone.

Treasury and Fed officials viewed Cox and his staff as nonplayers who had failed to foresee the brewing problems, according to people who were involved in those efforts but spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the matter. They said Cox was often brought in for consultation only after major decisions had been made by Treasury and Fed officials.

Let's just say it: Bush nominated a random conservative Congressman from New Jersey to head the SEC because he didn't want anyone there who was particularly smart, engaged, knowledgeable or into regulating jackshit, and Cox fit the bill because he was a reflexive deregulator. And would get confirmed easily because Congress rarely fails to confirm its own.

SPENCER: Since I am not qualified to talk about what actually happened in the financial crisis I want to remind everyone that Chris Cox has been a conservative darling forever. Here's the American Spectator on who should be McCain's running mate:

Chris Cox: The best choice, bar none. This thoughtful and reform-minded chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission made his name for 16 years as the brainiest and perhaps most principled Reaganite conservative in Congress, as well as one of the best on TV.

MEGAN: I needed a good laugh, thanks. "Reform-minded," meaning, "let's get government out of the way of the markets so they can run the universe and make everything sunshine and rainbows!!"

SPENCER: Here's another such column. And here's Lisa Schiffren of NRO who needs no Prageresque advice when it comes to Cox:

Chris Cox is fabulous. He should be president. The only negative — alas, a big one — is that he has never managed to generate real excitement, even when running what should have been sexy hearings on big issues. He is obviously very smart, and a true policy wonk — the sort of guy who usually runs big, serious, difficult government institutions or departments. Is he a vote getter?

So at least that's fairminded!

MEGAN: "Sexy hearings on big issues?" Because the American public loves a wonk, and particularly the Republican American public. The last eight years have completely proved that. Speaking of, the red states are about to get more Congress members in 2011. California, New York, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Florida and Pennsylvania are gonna lose. Which means: vote in your state elections next year and in 2010!!

SPENCER: Oh beautiful. This will bolster the arguments of all conservatives who don't see themselves leading the GOP into regional-party marginality to push the party rightward. And here I was thinking Afghanistan will doom the Obama administration.

MEGAN: And I was all excited that a judge ordered the release of 4 Gitmo detainees and The Europeans might be willing to accept some Gitmo detainees in resettlements deals. But we should end on a high note. Of the people Bush pardoned for Christmas, one was Charlie Winters, posthumously.

Mr. Winters was among a group of several hundred Americans and Canadians referred to by the Israelis by the Hebrew acronym of “machal,” or “volunteers from outside Israel.” They secretly helped in Israel’s war of independence in 1948, a year after its creation as a Jewish state.

He was an Irish-Catholic from Boston, and never said a word about it to his son. He was also the only one who did any prison time for it.

SPENCER: Yeah I have to give Bush credit for that. Dayenu. What a merry Jewish Christmas.

A very heartfelt thanks to Esquire's James Folta for the news (and picture) of the squatting Obama doll

• ... [wipes drool]
• Barack Obama is on vacation with his family in Kailua, Hawai'i this week. [Huffington Post]

• Bowlers are peeved that he might turn the White House bowling alley into a basketball court. [Wall Street Journal]
• He produced a web video announcing the people that will be running science policy for his Administration and not one of them believes in creationism. [Washington Post]
• And Joe Biden is going to head up the White House Task Force On Working Families, but stop calling him a "Czar" of something because he is the Vice fucking President and the Obamites have famously put a kibosh on calling anyone a Czar anyway. [CNN]
• Current Vice President Cheney has trouble understand that rap music stuff and would like those kids to get the hell off his lawn. [Think Progress]
• Sarah Palin blames John McCain's advisers for pretty much everything. [Huffington Post]
• Hillary Clinton just forgave her $13 million campaign loan, but still owes Mark Penn more than $5 million (and a host of other vendors about $1 million). [New York Times]
• Toyota is about to report its first operating loss in 70 years, despite all that talk of so-called union benefits being the problem that is plaguing the U.S. auto industry. The auto bailout will nonetheless proceed apace, including the part where they reduce wages and benefits of GM and Chrysler workers. [MSNBC]

ANA MARIE: Gonna try a little experiment and NOT WATCH Morning Joe during our chat.

MEGAN: Well, you're not missing anything. Joe just made fun of Mika for correctly pronouncing Printemps when talking about the French department story bomb and now they are accusing Franken of trying to steal the election and arguing about the supposed LBJ fraud in Texas, but that last bit is mostly Pat Buchanan. Oh, and Erin Burnett has teased the fuck out of her hair this morning.

ANA MARIE: Buchanan nurses old wounds with great care.

MEGAN: But she did just illustrate the rule of supply and demand for Joe Scarborough by crossing her arms in front of her face, which was sort of awesome. Okay, I'll stop now, too.

ANA MARIE: I sort of wish I was watching because — wait for it — I think I'm coming around on Erin. She seems to not take herself seriously which is a rarity for a hot newsreader, who take themselves seriously so that others don't have to.

MEGAN: I mean, she just explained Econ 101 to Joe Scarborough on television with what Joe correctly identified as a cheerleading move.

ANA MARIE: Joe would know.

MEGAN: I think that says a lot about their respective collegiate experiences.

ANA MARIE: Oh, you said "experience"! I say: "Caroline Kennedy" Wait. Something's wrong there...

MEGAN: Apparently, though, according to the New York Post, she's going to bring fashion sense back to the seat by always wearing ball gowns. Just like Daniel Moynihan.

ANA MARIE: Interesting phrasing in the NYT story on her decision:

Yet Caroline Kennedy’s decision to ask Gov. David A. Paterson to appoint her to Hillary Rodham Clinton’s Senate seat suggests that she believes she is as well prepared as anyone to serve as the next senator from New York.

See, I don't actually believe you need a lot of government or elective experience to be a good senator (or president!) but I also think that VOTERS should be the ones to make that decision/take that risk.

MEGAN: That's the thing. Is there any real sense that she wouldn't get elected in a real race? New York does love its carpetbaggers, as long as they have name recognition and aren't Alan Keyes.

ANA MARIE: Then let her run! Let her make her case to the People, not to the Dumb Guv.

MEGAN: Well, but it 's the governor who's deciding.

ANA MARIE: That's my point.

MEGAN: I mean, I stand firm on one point in this: do not appoint Andrew Cuomo.

ANA MARIE: Put in a placeholder, like they did in Delaware, where Beau Biden will, yes, probably win if he runs. But it'll be the voters' fault/decision. In any case, this is going to REALLY piss off Hillary people. REALLY.

MEGAN: I hate the placeholder idea. I particularly hate it when it's done for a political dynasty.

ANA MARIE: Almost as if Paterson (or someone) planned it that way.

MEGAN: But Paterson was a huge Clinton supporter in the primary.

ANA MARIE: I know! That's what's weird! I talked to a Hillary person yesterday and this person was steaming about it. Smoke out of ears.

MEGAN: Wait, so, he's not supposed to appoint a woman? It's so hard to tell with Clinton supporters like that, as they broke down into two camps: there is no woman in the United States remotely as qualified as Hillary Clinton; or it's more important than anything to have women in higher office.

ANA MARIE: He's supposed to appoint a woman that's worked for it, I think was this person's point. Rattled off a few names that to be honest I did not recognize. Which is the problem, I guess.

MEGAN: Well, I'm sorry, there are really not that many women high up in New York politics, and Nita Lowey took herself out of the running more than a week ago.

ANA MARIE: I just hate appointments in general, I think.

MEGAN: I understand the thinking behind Carolyn Maloney, and she's great, but she's not exactly a dynamic person. Which I'm sure Chuckie-boy loves. I'll bet Chuck's pushing for Maloney.

ANA MARIE: He would like to fill the seat himself. His ego certainly could use the extra room.

MEGAN: I mean, in a state where some incumbents won with more than 90% of the vote — and the average is about 70, if I'm eyeballing it — how is it not basically a state of appointments? It's just the appointments are made by local or state party officials.

ANA MARIE: I guess that's why we just keep having national elections, too, even though you can predict those results pretty well sometimes: It's what democracies do. You could cut out the pesky voter-middleman but that sets a bad example.

MEGAN: I guess I'm just agnostic on appointing Senators, since I'm not really sure what the difference is between that and the regular system, at least in New York.

ANA MARIE: Oh, and speaking of bad examples: Shoe thrower folk hero?

MEGAN: Poor guy is probably getting the shit beaten out of him as we type, which totally won't make him any more of one.

ANA MARIE: And it sort of undermines Bush's weird logic that shoe-throwing is just what happens in "free societies." If true, I have missed all the major shoe throwing events in Washington.

MEGAN: I would never throw my shoes unless it was a pair I didn't like anymore, but I usually donate those to Goodwill anyway.

ANA MARIE: Seems to me that shoe-throwing really more of a mark of a DESPERATE society:

China's Foreign Ministry spokesman said he would be watching out for journalists taking off their shoes in news conferences after an Iraqi reporter threw a pair at outgoing U.S. President George W. Bush in Baghdad.

MEGAN: However, if I knew there was to be an official shoe throwing event — perhaps in concert with a dunk tank? — I would totally get a pair.

ANA MARIE: Flip flops! Those size 10s, they seem a little deadly.

MEGAN: I wear a 6 and 1/2 shoe, I think I would fall on my face if I attempted to walk in size 10 flip flops.

ANA MARIE: Wow, TINY feet. You must clean up at sales. They are always out of 71/2s. AND SPEAKING OF CLEANING UP (don't you love how I do that?): Jay Carney, the last employed journalist in Washington. Finally he will earn some money out of flacking for Obama-Biden team ! (Just kidding, Jay!)

MEGAN: Man, he went and got a grown-up job. Some days, I feel like I need one of those.

ANA MARIE: Oh, I don't know how grown up it is. I mean, a large part of any comm director job is schmoozing, which Jay already has ninja-level skillz in. And what with Joe Biden shrinking down the job of VP to "puppy snuggling" and funerals, I'm not sure what's left for Jay to do. But I'm sure he'll do it well.

MEGAN: I am an excellent puppy snuggler, if Jay needs a deputy.

ANA MARIE: He also was totally rocking the suit jacket/buttondown/no-tie look LONG before BHO.

MEGAN: But did you know he was a Democrat, unlike your other colleague Joe Klein?

ANA MARIE: Uhm, yes.

MEGAN: Yeah, I didn't figure details like that would escape you.

ANA MARIE: Maybe I had more drinks with him than Joe did, though that seems unlikely. Ask the McCain people if THEY knew he was a Dem!

MEGAN: The McCain people thought the entire press corps were Dems by the end. If Bill Kristol had been on the plane, they probably would've called him in the tank for Obama.

ANA MARIE: And, obv, the funny part is that the people on the Obama plane were the least tanky. They were, on the whole, the most critical. And, seriously, I think Jay will be great in this job and I've always thought his writing was more elegant than most newsmag stuff (and he's actually quite funny tho that rarely made it into print) but... Don't Rs have every right to be pissed? That might be the wrong way to put it. It just confirms their worst suspicions.

MEGAN: Well, they might except how many of their writers went to work for McCain? I'm looking at Michael Goldfarb here.

ANA MARIE: If you want to equate Time and the Weekly Standard, I'm fine with that but I doubt either of the magazines would be. And, in the end, it comes down to what the written record is.

MEGAN: Well, I'm not talking about the magazine but the writer. Is Goldfarb going to admit that everything he ever wrote was intellectually disingenuous and hacky and aimed at getting someone specific elected? Probably not, right? Then he should shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.

ANA MARIE: Or if people want to spend a few years going through everything Jay's ever written looking for bias, well, it'll be more enjoyable than reading the ourve of others, and that's pretty much the only way to actually make a serious case out of the argument. Everything else is just generic whining.

MEGAN: And no one likes a whiner.

ANA MARIE: It does tend to go hand in hand with losing.

• Enough states' electors have cast ballots for Obama by now that, today, he was officially elected President of the United States. [MSNBC]

• He then celebrated by announcing his intention to make Nobel-winner Steven Chu the Secretary of Energy, Lisa Jackson the EPA Administration and Carol Browner to lead a White House council on climate change. [MSNBC]
• He might also make Arne Duncan, the superintendent of the Chicago school system, his secretary of education. [NY Times]
• He was going to release the results of an internal report that showed that no one had anything inappropriate to do with corrupt Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, but U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald asked him not to. [Huffington Post, Time]
• Joe Biden tapped Time's Washington bureau chief, Jay Carney, for his communications director. [Politico]
• Caroline Kennedy has decided she does really want to be the next Senator from New York, and even called Al Sharpton for his blessing or whatever it is you get from Al Sharpton. [Huffington Post, Politico]
• Meanwhile, Lori Drew is still trying to get the charges against her dismissed. [Wired]
• And a 4-year-old broke into a toy store to play with some toys. [Breitbart]

ANA MARIE: Good morning!

MEGAN: Hey there! How are you?

ANA MARIE: A little tie-tie and already tired of the fucking shoe story.

MEGAN: I am actually really impressed with Bush's reflexes. Like, for all those politicians that took cream pies to the faces, Bush was like, nuh-uh. In slow-mo, it's very Matrix-y.

ANA MARIE: I think this should put to rest the rumors that he's drinking again. You know what's really going to suck about this, right?

MEGAN: Other than everything?

ANA MARIE: Journalists no longer be allowed to wear shoes. We're living in a post 12/14 world. And in that world, shoes just aren't worth the risk.

MEGAN: Dude, no one is taking my shoes. I stop with the pedicures in, like, November. I can't afford otherwise.

ANA MARIE: I doubt if you're alone. Lynn Sweet does not seem like a regular pedicure girl.

MEGAN: Plus, not to be mean to the White House press corps, but I'm betting some of those dudes have some gnarly, smelly feet. I really think a room full of unshod reporters' stank feet is probably more of a risk to the President than a shoe.

ANA MARIE: (And I just want to note that I had to cycle through a few names before I got to a WH correspondent that might not get regular pedicures. But I suspect Jake Tapper does!) Yeah, see that is where we disagree! I think many WH correspondents take VERY good care of their tootsies. It's not like they're out there pounding the pavement. Very little reporting involved in covering the White House.

MEGAN: I don't know, it's not like Maureen Dowd is there and can go all Elvira, Mistress of the Dark on him. [Ed: For those with better taste in movies than me, Elvira dispatches the villain at the end with a stiletto to the forehead, killing him. ]

ANA MARIE: I had forgotten that Elvira had her own movie. Thanks. You will not be shocked to know that right now on Morning Joe Pat Buchanan is showing a rather... uhm... exhaustive knowledge of Nazi history. Seriously, though: Pat Buchanan showing up to out-Nazi-trivia Bryan Singer about his own Nazi movie.

MEGAN: Yeah, completely NOT surprised. At least I can blame my Hitler trivia knowledge on the fact that I was a German history minor.

ANA MARIE: FWIW, I sense that Pat, like the heroes of Valkyrie, thinks that Hitler totally ruined Nazism.

MEGAN: Is is strange that I'm surprised that Bryan Singer is kind of hot?

ANA MARIE: I'm a little surprised at how young he seems, but not that he's hot. Usual Suspects was, fuck, over a decade ago?

MEGAN: Directors are so rarely attractive, though.

ANA MARIE: I have not made enough of a study of that. But speaking of studying: Trying to make sense of this Kristol op-ed. Have you read?

MEGAN: I find it hard to read while his grinning pumpkin head stares at me. It's already hard enough to decipher.

ANA MARIE: He and Jim Webb should hire themselves out for Halloween.

MEGAN: Is there enough orange paint in the world for that?

ANA MARIE: I think he wants a bail out? Or he's knocking the GOP for something?

MEGAN: Actually, I am a little horrified that I'm agreeing with some of the things he's saying about Republicans. He's still a reflexive idiot about liberals.

ANA MARIE: He has been kind of an idiot about Republicans!

MEGAN:

But despite the fact that the government is partly responsible for the Big Three’s problems, the right hasn’t really been stirred to enthusiastically promote a deregulatory agenda to help the auto companies. What excites it is mobilizing to oppose bailouts for unionized workers.

Last week, Senate Republicans picked a fight with the U.A.W. on union pay scales — despite the fact that it’s the legacy benefits for retirees, not pay for current workers, that’s really hurting Detroit, and despite the additional fact that, in any case, labor amounts to only about 10 percent of the cost of a car. But the Republicans were fighting Big Labor! They were standing firm against bailouts!

ANA MARIE: I'm not convinced he's always writing this column himself. Not that he's farming it out, but just engaging in automatic writing or something. Letting the spirits speak through him. And this spirit happens to be different than the "I HEART SARAH" one.

MEGAN: It's definitely written through his "all liberals are hypocritical" filter, though.

ANA MARIE: I think he's saying that they should do MORE to deregulate unions besides take on labor. Like, the problems of regulation go beyond unions. By saying that GOP shouldn't have gone after labor, he's NOT saying unions are good. And even though he likes the idea of the "car czar," isn't the car czar idea inherently anti-anti-regulation? My head hurts now. Let's move on

MEGAN: Well, I think he main point actually comes through at the end.

The bill would have allowed President Bush to name a car czar, who could have begun to force concessions from all sides. It also would have averted for now a collapse of the auto industry, and shifted difficult decisions to the Obama administration.

It's all about trying to make his Republican compatriots understand their role is to make Obama look bad.

ANA MARIE: AH! Ain't unity grand?

MEGAN: But let's talk cute: an Obama daughter-Chris Rock daughter playdate. That's a unity of cuteness.

ANA MARIE: But not BIDEN PUPPY CUTE!

MEGAN: Okay, the puppy is very cute, but: he used a breeder. Pound puppies, people, the nation is crying out for change.

ANA MARIE: And, seriously, who DOESN'T want a play date with Sasha and Malia. I mean, I want a playdate with them. I know, I would feel better about a rescue pup. BUT LOOK AT HIS EYES. The puppy's, not Biden's. Though I think that the national had a similar reaction when Obama picked Biden: "We would have preferred HRC BUT LOOK AT HIS EYES."

MEGAN: It is an extremely cute puppy, and the Biden granddaughters will, naturally, get to name him.

Originally, Brown said she was to bring two puppies to Biden, but Biden called and said he wanted to see all the dogs.

"He was very gracious," Brown said. "He hugged and kissed all of the shepherds."

There are also totally women in the world today wishing they were puppies.

ANA MARIE: I LOVE that detail.

MEGAN: Well, how do you not let puppies lick your face?

ANA MARIE: "He hugged and kissed all of the shepherds." Of course he did. That's the only part of the Vice President's job that Biden's not planning on eliminating.

MEGAN: I'm sure that's in the Constitution.

ANA MARIE: I am so glad I'm not in Chicago, btw. You can hear the chattering of teeth in the voices of reporters covering Blago/PEBO (PEBO = "President-Elect Barack Obama" I learned that very recently! Like, journo slang.)

MEGAN: I sort of love how more and more people are like, dude was craaaazzeee when he's obviously just sort of always been an asshole.

ANA MARIE: But you can't "plead asshole" in court.

MEGAN: Actually, I think that should be a legitimate defense. "But, Your Honor, I'm an asshole." I want to hear defendants say that, give 'em 30 days off their sentence or something.

ANA MARIE: I think that was Scooter Libby's first try.

MEGAN: Scooter left out the "stupid" part. Everyone already knows lawyers are assholes. That's the real meaning of "Esquire." Speaking of, I found Shep Smith's interview in Esquire kind of endearing but difficult to read in the absence of questions. Even writing that made me feel like I'd bought into something very bougie about writing.

ANA MARIE: Well it was like hearing one side of a phone conversation. A fascinating conversation! But still, a little disjointed. Maybe they're saving money by not printing the reporter's questions! Something that maybe places like the Tribune Co. and Newsweek should look into!

MEGAN: Less ink, less layoffs? Maybe they should look into this Internet thingie, where there's no ink and no layo... Oh, wait, never mind.

ANA MARIE: I was thinking more, like, how they don't have to pay extras in movies if they don't have lines. If you don't print the reporters' questions, you don't have to pay them.

MEGAN: Maybe we could just let all the people in the news write in the first person about what they're doing and just call it a day. The press is just like this unnecessary middleman in this day and age.

ANA MARIE: EXCEPT THEY'RE NOT, right? I was a conference last week and this guy from Google was all, "we hate it that the MSM is going under, because without them we're not going have quality information to index for people to search." So I was like, "You'll need to start hiring journalists then."

MEGAN: Oh, God, stop. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Or crying so hard I'm laughing, I can't really tell.

• Now that it's been a full year of shitty economic news, we are officially in a recession and have been for a year. Aren't you glad to know? [MSNBC]
• The market is not glad to know, and it slid almost 700 points after learning the obvious. [NY Times]
• In other obvious news, Condoleezza Rice doesn't plan to give much advice to Hillary Clinton. What advice she does give, we're guessing Clinton doesn't plan on following. [MSNBC]
• Bill Clinton is pretty happy about Hillary's nomination, though. [Real Clear Politics]

• White people at CNN just don't know 'bout Susan Rice, our soon-to-be Ambassador to the UN. [Think Progress]
• Joe Biden gave his first post-election speech today, so people wouldn't forget that he's about to be VP. [Politico]
• Palin talked, too, at a rally for Saxby Chambliss, so people wouldn't forget that she wanted to be VP before she wanted to be President. [Politico]
• Saxby Chambliss pervily grabbed himself some incestuous tween side-boob in a new commercial. [Indecision 2008]
• The Department of Homeland Security is more fucked up than watching Saxby Chambliss feel his tween granddaughter's breast. [Boston Globe]
• LGBT rights organization Impact-Florida plans to protest Governor Charlie Crist's (fey, if not gay) marriage this weekend, because protesting breeder weddings is a good plan to get more voters on your side. [The Sun Coast News]
• The cherub-faced Chairman of the FCC, Kevin Martin, wants to force the winner of a new wireless auction to set aside a portion of its win for free, porn-free wifi. Apparently, Republicans are all into not regulating the market until it comes to porn, when they get are regulatory up in there. [Silicon Alley Insider]
• Former Clintonista Phil Singer thinks Chris Matthews should get off the air if he's going to start campaigning for Arlen Specter's Senate seat. [Politico]
• Tina Brown thinks Rachel Maddow should get the coveted Meet The Press chair, among other, non-boring people. [Daily Beast]
• With Hillary Clinton's imminent resignation from her Senate seat, two names keep popping up: New York Attorney General Andrew "Shucking And Jiving Is Not A Racist Term, I Swear" Cuomo and Bill Clinton. And you thought nothing could get you to vote for Bill again. [The Hill, CNN]

MEGAN: Hey, Jill, only two days left until we stuff our faces with turkey and most of the known universe has seen one slaughtered behind Sarah Palin. How many people do you think will be eating something else this year?

JILL: I'm guessing that seeing those poor birds killed on TV will boost Tofurkey sales at least a little bit. I'll still be eating the real thing, though. You?

MEGAN: Yeah, I'm fine with being omnivorous. I had a pet chicken in college and I still happily eat chicken. My problem is more finding a restaurant that will be serving it that won't douse it in gravy and plop it down over mashed potatoes because I am not into gravy and I don't like mixing my foods like that because I am still 5.

JILL: See, I say, slather the otherwise-healthy turkey in everything bad for me — especially gravy and mashed potatoes. Doubly on the potatoes.

MEGAN: There is, however, one supposed carnivore among us that will not be eating turkey this year: Ann Coulter.

JILL: ...is it wrong to feel a little Schadenfreude over the fact that Ann Coulter has her mouth wired shut?

MEGAN: If it is wrong, than I'm not sure I want to be right. I believe irony might be my new favorite Thanksgiving side dish.

JILL: Seriously. Although I'm sure we'll all miss her on Thanksgiving day when we turn on cable news and there's no one to tell us that it was good for white settlers to kill off Native Americans, and that's what we should be celebrating. Or something along those lines. Maybe Michelle Malkin can fill in.

MEGAN: We did forcibly convert lots of them like Ann suggested we do to Muslims in their countries, so that is probably exactly what she is celebrating. On the other hand, I'll be giving thanks that the economic downturn, while fucking with my 401(k) and minimal stock portfolio is fucking dozens of hard-core, right-wing Republicans out of their jobs as Freedom Watch goes down in flames.

JILL: That's the best news I've heard all day. And it looks like Republican lobbyists are out of jobs, too. It's a little concerning, since now I'm not sure who's going to protect us from the Islamofascists under our beds...

MEGAN: Or from the tyranny of environmental and financial market regulation that threatens to stifle innovation and harm our economy...

JILL: I believe we call that "socialism," Megan. Except when a Republican president spearheads it. Then it's just good common sense, to help poor, downtrodden hedge fund managers.

MEGAN: That's just good governance! And, at least those hedge fund managers aren't bribing for the favors, unlike that oil executive and Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charlie Rangel.

But Congressional records and interviews show that Mr. Rangel was instrumental in preserving a lucrative tax loophole that benefited an oil-drilling company last year, while at the same time its chief executive was pledging $1 million to the project, the Charles B. Rangel School of Public Service at C.C.N.Y.

JILL: Whoops.

MEGAN: "Drill, baby, drill," said the Democrat from atop the most powerful committee in Congress, "Just as long as I get mine."

JILL: And he was raising money for a school for public service. What did you say about irony earlier?

MEGAN: Charlie Rangel says that serving Charlie Rangel's ego and sense of personal self-importance is serving the public because Charlie Rangel is America and so can you.

JILL: Well, the school is supposed to be named after him. Doesn't that kind of imply, "I do what I want"? Who can blame the guy?

MEGAN: It's the functional equivalent of his Presidential library, only he's not President and he's raising money for it from lobbyists and companies with business before his committee while still in office. I hate when Democrats do this shit, mostly because then other Democrats move to protect them and I'm like, god damn it, didn't you assholes run on change and cleaning up corrupt official Washington in 2006 and 2008? Do you really think people won't notice? But then no one does notice and I'm forced to admit that there is no accountability in our system. And then I crack open a bottle of wine.

JILL: I find that's an appropriate response to most situations.

MEGAN: Anyway, onto slightly less depressing news, or not, depending on how one views nepotism and political dynasties, Joe Biden has found a way for Beau Biden to have his deployment cake and eat his Senate seat, too, and that way is Senator-to-be Ted "Seat Warmer" Kaufman.

JILL: You know what would be a great career? Professional Congressional Seat-Warmer. All the benefits of being in Congress (like getting to call yourself a Congressman or a Senator), none of the icky stuff like actually having to make important decisions.

MEGAN: No 3 am phone calls for you! You're just there to let the leather cradle your ass for a couple of years, collect your health insurance, ensure your pension, and get the fuck out.

JILL: Exactly. They get pretty good health insurance, too. I'd take it.

MEGAN: Yeah, mine's going up 15% next month despite the fact that I've used it exactly one time in the last year. That's an inflationary increase, if you consider 15% something like 3.8%, which is the current rate of inflation.

JILL: Damn. I just got off student insurance and started on private, and it's not fun. Students: Milk that shit as long as you can.

MEGAN: Financial independence is totally overrated, kids. Just ask Citibank or AIG.

JILL: It's true. They're much happier now that Big Daddy Government is back in charge. So just live in your parents' basement for a while. It works for us bloggers.

MEGAN: Yeah, who needs things like "accountability" and "facing the consequences of your actions" when you can just ask Big Daddy for a 20 (billion) dollar "loan" and go back to doing what you were doing? Which definitely involves screwing up. Hey, if I am about to go bankrupt, do you think Hank Paulson will pay my debts in exchange for a half-hearted spanking?

JILL: Well, when you put it that way... He might just say yes.

• Barack Obama made it official with Tim Geithner today, announcing that he will nominate Geither to the Treasury Department. Former Treasury Secretary Larry "Math Is Hard For Girls" Summers is headed to the top of the White House Economic Council and Berkeley economics professor Christina Romer will head the Council of Economic Advisers. Betcha she does math pretty well. [NY Times]
• Former Joe Biden aide Ted Kaufman has been appointed to fill Biden's Senate seat for two years, at which point everyone in the state assumes he'll quietly step down and let the currently-deployed Beau Biden run for it. [Associated Press]
• Susan Rice, who most people thought was about to get dicked over when it leaked that Jim Jones will head the National Security Council, is actually in the running to be our Ambassador to the U.N. [Washington Independent]
• Former Iowa governor Tom Vilsack swears he's not in the running to be Secretary of Agriculture. [Washington Post]

• Obama aide and transition co-chair Valerie Jarrett has her first graduation speech almost totally written, but it still makes her sound kind of like a cool woman to know. [NY Times]
• Speaking of cool women, Moe Tkacik fucking breaks down the financial and auto industry crises, and you'll be smarter for reading it. [New York Magazine]
• And now that she might not be running against one of them anymore, Republicans all just love Hillary Clinton. [The Daily Beast]
• Alan Colmes is leaving Hannity and Colmes but not Fox News. Yeah, Hannity's feet really do smell that bad, but he's got a contract through 2012 so somebody is buying stock in Odor Eaters. [USA Today, Politico]
• In the mean time, we're rescuing Citibank, and the Dow is going up but it's all only temporary because it's not the end of the financial fall-out anymore than today is the end of Alan Colmes. However, if you're a Citibank stockholder, it is the end of your dividends for three years. [NY Times, NY Times]

MEGAN: In the annals of "Megan is a tremendous dork," last night is sort of epic. It's so epic I even remember enough of it to be blushing over it. Yes, I can blush.

SPENCER: I understand this has something to do with actor Justin Long?

MEGAN: Actor and long-time Megan crush object Justin Long, who I have thought was completely dorkishly adorable since Ed. Yes. So, I am sitting in the bar that I have co-opted from Moe as my Official New York hang out, having drinks with a lovely woman I just met because the person I went there with bailed for another bar, which naturally meant I decided I should get 3 more glasses of wine. And in walks Justin Long with a group of people. And I am subsequently prevailed upon to take pictures with him to post here, which I did. Also, for the record, he apparently has been savaged by bloggers (I will cut you Perez for being mean to him) so I had to promise not to be mean about him. So I have to say: extremely cute, extremely sweet (he made his friend take a picture that made me look not stupid) and extremely generous with his time. And then I woke up this morning and went "Oh, fuck, I think I just met an actor I've had a crush on for years and told him that."

So now I feel a combination of embarrassed at my dorkdom and dorkishly thrilled that I had the liquid courage to do it.

SPENCER: I grew up in New York and yet never saw or met any non-punk-rock celebrities. Once Kathleen Hanna sent a minion to bum a cigarette from me but that was about it. (And of course fewer people are more PR than KH.) The burning question is whether you hit on him and, if so, what happened.

MEGAN: I believe I completely wussed out on actually hitting on him, recalling vaguely that he is supposedly seeing someone that I'm sure is way hotter than me. Honestly, even more hilariously, I had been saying at dinner that I had never seen a celebrity in the wild and then, 3 hours later, I was embarrassing myself. But I really felt like the only picture on my phone of me with a celebrity should not be me with Bill Kristol.

SPENCER: Sadly my AIM client doesn't save chats because I wanted to post here your 11:45 IM to me about meeting JL and my advice to you, which I believe consisted simply of the word "bone." But alas. I suppose we should talk about politics or some shit, yawn

MEGAN: Oooh, ooh, I can relate this ALL to politics! Obama is a Mac user. A big one.

SPENCER: Of course, it should be said that you're not a Mac user. This whole shit is starcrossed. You're like a McCain voter who blows John Hodgman.

MEGAN: I am not a Mac user because I am way too cheap, not because I actually like PCs. But I just can't justify paying that much more for basically the same machine because it's pretty. Anyway, I can totally relate it another way to politics! The last time I met a crush object was at the White House Correspondents dinner, when I met Jonathan from Buffy aka Danny Strong (also resulting in an embarrassing photo of me grinning like an idiot) who wrote the movie Recount in which Ron Klain is the hero. Ron Klain, who will be Biden's Chief of Staff, assuming Cheney doesn't lock him in the man-safe when Biden checks out his new digs today.

SPENCER: That confused me. Wasn't Ron Klain Gore's chief of staff? Can he not tear himself away from VPs? Still, Biden needs a really disciplined staff leader. I once did an on-the-record interview with him in his Senate office while his communications director actually undermined his points on policy. This was about his Iraq position. It was crazy. And goddamn it, the Big Star record just ended...

MEGAN: Yeah, Joe seems like the kind of guy who would tolerate underminers when he shouldn't. Speaking of underminers, let us all just say together: fuck Evan Bayh.

SPENCER: I have nothing to say except KTHXBAYH Now let's talk about the shit that we agreed to talk about. Like Ted Stevens and how he might actually lose the Senate race everyone thought he won. Currently the corrupt/convicted Senator is down by 814 votes to Democrat Mark Begich.

MEGAN: But, but, but, how will Sarah Palin ever get to be a maverick changing Washington if Begich wins? What will we talk about! Why is Ted Stevens trying to ruin my life?

SPENCER: Half of me wants Stevens to lose. But that's the better half. The cool, smoking-in-the-boys-room half wants him to return to the Senate, since, according to the Washington Independent's Congressional correspondent Mike Lillis, both Reid and McConnell have said they'll immediately begin proceedings to kick him out, Traficant-style, and that's a party.

MEGAN: McConnell's only promising to do it so he doesn't lose a Minority Leader race to Jim DeMint.

SPENCER: You get your Senator Palin in that case, plus everyone lining up to pretend they didn't kiss Ted Stevens' mottled behind for appropriations.

MEGAN: Wow, I just imagined that and now I really don't need to eat breakfast!

SPENCER: Also let's recognize: Robert Byrd has just stepped down as head of approps, meaning Alaska Sen. Daniel Inouye is now chairman, and his son is DC punk-rock legend Ken Inouye of Marginal Man.

MEGAN: I mean, I literally had a momentary mental vision of Ted Stevens, pants around his ankles, bent over his desk in the Senate with a line of his Republican colleagues spread out before him as Lindsay Graham enthusiastically puckers up. Yeah, I'm glad Byrd stepped down as chair, but Inouye is barely younger. I think, though, that he might be the first non-white guy to chair Senate Approps ever.

SPENCER: This is going to be worse than the time we talked about bukkake in CH if you don't watch yourself I know! A white man can't get a fair shake in Obama's America.

MEGAN: I am having one of those days again, what can I say? You bring out the vulgarity in me, baby.

SPENCER: See, it's shit like that in IMs that would deny you a job in an Obama administration

[Applicants] must include any e-mail that might embarrass the president-elect, along with any blog posts and links to their Facebook pages.

The application also asks applicants to "please list all aliases or 'handles' you have used to communicate on the Internet."

MEGAN: Yeah, usually the line is whether anything you've said could be used to blackmail you. President Elect Obama: I am an embarrassment, but you could hire me anyway if you want.

SPENCER: This is kind of inexplicable and against the spirit of transmuted social conventions that the internet was supposed to guarantee. Everyone under the age of 35 has humiliated themselves through text or IM or FB or Twitter or other such platform. That's supposed to make none of it humiliating, on the same principle that when girls want ice cream they demand that I eat ice cream too because they believe that weight is socially cumulative so if I gain weight too then their weight-gain is immaterial. I mean, I thought Obama was supposed to be a Mac user. What does he write on the internet, if not something humiliating?

MEGAN: I have never demanded that you eat dessert just because I wanted to eat dessert! Mostly because I never eat dessert, but still. Not all girls do that! I mean the problem is not whether you've humiliated yourself, but whether it might humiliate him. It's more like the friend who tries to talk you out of eating the ice cream because she's so hyper about her weight that she's decided to be hypercritical of yours.

SPENCER: Speaking of erratic behavior, this WaPo piece about how Iran is pussying out of Obama's proposed no-conditions talks is the greatest thing of all time. So basically, the fanatics who run Iran have demagoged the U.S.'s hostile posture for 30 years as a mechanism for social repression, all the while insisting baroquely to any & all international audiences that the U.S. won't take reasonable steps for discussion on issues of mutual concern. Along comes Barack Obama, who's like, Let's cut the bullshit and act like adults for a change and talk this out. And the Iranian reaction?

"People who put on a mask of friendship, but with the objective of betrayal, and who enter from the angle of negotiations without preconditions, are more dangerous," Hossein Taeb, deputy commander of Iran's Revolutionary Guard Corps, said Wednesday, according to the semiofficial Mehr News Agency.

MEGAN: "You're trying to trick us by talking!"

SPENCER: AND HE'S RIGHT. It is more dangerous from his perspective, because Obama is denying the Iranian regime a crucial excuse for its failures. The absence of American bellicosity creates massive social and political cognitive dissonance.

MEGAN: "We know you're just talking to us again to undermine us!" Iran's like the ex who built his reputation around how you're the bad one who dumped him and won't speak to him and then you're like, wtf, dude, I don't care, we can chill, and he doesn't want to.

SPENCER: Now, if you go through the piece, you can come up with an explanation of Iranian behavior that basically cashes out to demanding comprehensive talks for a grand bargain. Which, from the perspective of smart Iran-watchers who had to quit the Bush administration in disgust, wouldn't even be a bad thing! Google ads have made an ad pop up on the Windy that features a big-titted Iranian girl with suggestively-parted lips.

MEGAN: Does the grand bargain mean they stop building nukes? Also, I think you need to screen cap that.

SPENCER: And yeah, the plan put forward by husband-and-wife national-security team Flynt and Hilary Mann Leverett calls for security guarantees to Iran in exchange for a verifiable end to the nuclear program and Iranian cooperation on Iraq and Israel/Palestine Not bad, eh? Kind of the sort of shit we should test out, no?

MEGAN: Can Iran cooperate on Israel? But, yes, that would be Change I Could Believe In. It's at least Change I Would Like To Try Out.

SPENCER: It would depend on what "cooperation" would mean, and how long it takes to get there. Basically, for the next couple years, I'd think "cooperation" means Iran drops its position that Israel has no right to exist and stops its military aid to Hamas & Hezbollah. Will they? Maybe, maybe not, but you've got to test it, and no policy has failed as comprehensively as the 30-year bipartisan consensus on isolating Iran, since Iran is the strongest it's ever been. Anyway we should end this shit and you should post the picture you sent me of Justin Long.

MEGAN: Yeah, I've decided to be a bad person and do it. I will preface that it's entirely possible that I stepped on his feet and that's why he's looking down.

• The Republican Governor's Association meeting (supposedly starring Sarah Palin) kicked off today with a comedy routine from Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty, who was once considered for the VP slot. Pawlenty said that the Republican Party "needs more than a comb-over" and that "Drill, baby, drill, by itself, is not an energy policy." [Time, Politico]
• Former GOP pollster/strategist Frank Luntz took his turn shitting on the party and McCain today, too, saying, among other things, that "Stevie Wonder reads a teleprompter better than John McCain." Luntz, who was a GOP star in 1994, is so far up Newt Gringrich's ass that he knows what donor's cock Gincrich just finished sucking to fund his campaign in 2012 from the taste alone. [Politico]
• Sarah Palin thinks they should put a woman on the GOP ticket in 2012, because there's no way all the PUMAs can die by then. [Huffington Post]

• Joe and Jill Biden are going to meet with the Cheneys. No word on whether Cheney's man-safe comes with a re-sizing clause. [Politico]
• Henry Paulson enjoys spending your money buying stocks since it reminds him so much of the days at Goldman Sachs but, much like those days, he doesn't plan to spend a dime of it on bailing out the auto companies. [Huffington Post]
• In case you thought who Obama would choose to send to the G-20 summit in D.C. would be a Cabinet preview, he's sending Madeline Albright and former Republican Congressman Jim Leach just to fuck with you. [The Hill]
• Despite the Bush Administration's best efforts to deregulate under the radar and tie Obama's hands next year, it turns out even they don't know the rules that well and the Democrats in the House can just pass a bill next year and tell the Bush Administration to fuck off. [Politico]
• Obama might cut a deal with Congress on executive privilege, the subpoenas of Bush officials and classified documents to preserve his right to claim executive privilege in the future. [Huffington Post]
• Former Republican Congressman Mark Foley feels really bad that sex-IMing with teenagers cost the Republican Party the 2006 election and him a post office in name. He is, however, sporting a wedding ring that matches the one his boyfriend wears. [Huffington Post]
• Bribe-loving Congressman William Jefferson (D-Louisiana) may, finally, go to trial on corruption charges. How is he still around, Speaker? Please remind me. [The Hill]
• Oh, and Montana Senator and Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus has already started shanking Obama — and ailing Congressmen and Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee Chair Ted Kennedy — on health care reform. I guess it's not just Republicans who love their circular firing squads these days. [Politico]

• Obama's announced his transition team co-chairs — the folks that will help pave the way for his Administration, not a shadow Cabinet — and it includes John Podesta, Pete Rouse (Obama's Senate Chief of Staff) and Valerie Garrett. The advisory board to the co-chairs includes former EPA head Carol Browner; former Commerce Secretary William Daley; former transportation secretary Federico Peña; Obama national security adviser Susan Rice; and Governor Janet Napolitano. Don't expect to see those names on a future list of official appointments, though. [Washington Post]
• Obama's first official appointment will, however, be Congressman Rahm Emanuel. [NY Times]
• Four Senate races remain undecided: Alaska and Oregon are too close to call; Minnesota is likely to have an automatic recount; and Georgia's results require a runoff. [CNN]
• But, the anti-abortion "personhood" amendment in Colorado and the abortion ban in South Dakota went down by wide margins. [Denver Post, Argus Leader]

• By the way, when the state of Missouri elected Denise Juneau to be their superintendent of public instruction, they made her the first Native American woman in the state (and probably the first in the nation) to hold statewide office. Are there any other barriers we can bulldoze this week, please? [Missoulian]
• House Speaker Nancy Pelosi gave a press conference to state the obvious, which is that, since the economy sucks, Democrats are going to have to set and stick to priorities. Too bad she's spent the last two years proving she knows how to roll over. [Politico]
• Russian President Dmitry Medvedev went out of his way to prove Senator Joe Biden right, threatening to escalate a nuclear standoff with the U.S. in Eastern Europe if Obama moves forward with Bush's missile defense shield there. Cuban Missile Crisis anyone? Bueller? [Washington Post]
• They might be Bushies at heart — and partially responsible for the catastrophe that is the Iraq War and the potential new nuclear standoff for Russia — but electing our first African-American President choked up Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice, too. [CNN, Huffington Post]
• More than 70 percent of unmarried women voted for Obama yesterday, but half of the married ones went for McCain. Can married women please fill the rest of us in on what changes with a ring? [US News & World Report]
• More than 130 million Americans turned out to vote yesterday, or about 64% of eligible voters, making it the biggest election ever and the higher voter turnout in a long damn time. [Politico]
• The ACLU, along with the Lambda Legal and the National Center for Lesbian Rights, have filed a brief with the California Supreme Court arguing that it should rule Proposition 8 invalid if it officially passes. They argue that, since Prop 8 invalidates another section of California's constitution, it requires greater legislative scrutiny than the average ballot initiative. Good luck! [ACLU]