• Last night Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson called a locksmith because Sam lost her house keys. While he was working Lindsay found an open window crawled in. The locksmith asked for his $39 fee, but Lindsay wouldn't pay.

• Lindsay gave him $20, then she and Sam locked themselves in the house and refused to give him the other $19. [TMZ]
• Authorities have revised the price of the jewels stolen from a Lindsay Lohan photo shoot for British Elle. They were worth $38,500, not $400,000 as was originally estimated. [People]
• Sam Lutfi is suing Britney Spears and her family because he says Lynne Spears' claims in her book that he ground up pills into Brit's food are untrue. He says that as a result he's "constantly in fear for my life" and is "harassed and cajoled by the public." [TMZ]
• The Jackson family is fighting over where to bury Michael Jackson. Jermaine Jackson wants Michael buried at Neverland, but local laws prohibit a burial on private property. He could be cremated and his ashes spread at Neverland, but Katherine Jackson is against it. "Michael left Neverland for good, never to return," says a source. "He felt violated by law enforcement after his molestation trial. He felt this place he had built had been tainted. Katherine continues to be her son's protector even after his death." [Radar Online]
• Police sources say the Jackson family gave them a list of doctors they think may have been misprescribing drugs to Michael Jackson and dermatologist/possible sperm donor Arnold Klein's name is on the list. [TMZ]
• After Michael Jackson's memorial service, his sisters La Toya, Janet, and Rebbie went across the street to the Nokia Theater to address the overflow crowd and thank fans for their support. La Toya said: "As you well know, Michael loved his fans more than anyone else in the world. He has always said that his family is first and his fans are second... I know he's watching every last one of you." Janet said: "Thank you for all of your love, all of your support. Michael will live in our hearts forever." You can watch the video here: [TMZ]
• Diana Ross says she didn't attend Michael Jackson's memorial because, "I have decided to pause and be silent. This feels right for me. Michael was a personal love of mine, a treasured part of my world, part of the fabric of my life in a way that I can't seem to find words to express." [UPI]
• John Mayer says he was surprised that the Jackson family invited him to the memorial since he never met Michael Jackson. He said he decided to make orgasm faces in lieu of singing because he doesn't have a strong vocal range. "The decision to not sing is just out of knowing what's best for me," said Mayer. "I think it's quite a mine field to go into trying to in any way replicate vocally what Michael Jackson has done. And in a way, it was sort of respectfully leaving an absence, you know, sort of the presence of his absence." [Us]
• Mariah Carey apologized for her performance at the memorial Tweeting, "Trying to sing today was basically impossible for me. I could barely keep myself from crying. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to pull it together and really do it right, but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me." [The Daily Express]
• According to Nielsen, 31 million people watched Michael Jackson's memorial service on TV. For comparison, 35.1 million watched Ronald Reagan's memorial service and 33.3 million watched Princess Diana's, but no one was watching on the internet back then. [Time]
• Debbie Rowe (like everyone else) cried when she saw Paris Jackson speak at the memorial. A friend who comforted Rowe said, "It was heartbreaking. However strange her relationship with Jacko, she is still Paris' mum. To watch your child so upset on TV in front of millions of people is more than any mum could stand." [The Sun]
• Also not in attendance: Quincy Jones. He said, "I just can't take it anymore, I've lost so many friends over the past years. Ray Charles, Marlon Brando, Michelangelo Antonioni. I just don't want to be standing there looking at some casket." [Variety]
• Paul McCartney says, "Some time ago, the media came up with the idea that Michael Jackson was going to leave his share in the Beatles songs to me in his will which was completely made up and something I didn't believe for a second. Now, the report is that I am devastated to find that he didn't leave the songs to me. This is completely untrue. I had not thought for one minute that the original report was true and, therefore, the report that I'm devastated is also totally false, so don't believe everything you read folks!" [The Mirror]
• Michael Jackson took 10,000 pills in the last six months of his life... according to The National Enquirer. The mag claims he was taking 50 pills a day "for a variety of real and imagined problems." [The National Enquirer]
• Michael Jackson's wax statue at Madame Tussauds in New York City has been on loan to the museum's D.C. branch, but it will be shipped back on Friday. [N.Y. Times]
• Cameron Diaz is in talks to play the female lead in The Green Hornet opposite Seth Rogen. [Hollywood Insider]
• The judge in Kate Walsh's divorce ruled that Alex Young can make ABC president Stephen McPherson sit for a deposition and answer questions about her financial prospects at the network. [TMZ]
• Lorenzo Lamas left his fourth wife, Shauna Sands, when he found out she was sleeping with his son A.J. Lamas, who was 18 at the time, according to a family friend. The family is currently filming a reality show for E! [Star]
• Pink on husband Carey Hart: "Everything is good again now and we're having a blast. Carey and I spend a lot of time wrestling in our hotel room. We have naked dance parties too. It's so much fun. We have a lot of fun together. He's so yummy." [The Sun]
• Check out a 30 second preview of Beyonce's video for "Sweet Dreams" at the link. It's yet another variation on the "two backup dancers and leotards" theme but this time they're wearing shorts. [The Life Files]
• Ryan Gosling and his friend Zach Shields will release their debut album in October under the name Dead Man's Bones. [People]
• Lita Ford is coming out with a new album called Wicked Wonderland in September. [Rolling Stone]
• HBO will air Robin Williams' comedy special Weapons of Self-Destruction, which was filmed on his recent tour. [N.Y Times]
• Bruno isn't as bad as it looks, according to Australians. It's opening this weekend was the third biggest comedy opening in the country's history, behind Meet the Fockers and Sex and the City. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
• Vanity Fair has devised a cunning plan to lure in more 14-year-old readers: Robert Pattinson will be on an upcoming cover. The issue will probably come out in the fall to coincide with the release of New Moon. [E!]
• Jodie Sweetin says things are looking up since she filed for separation from her husband Cody Herpin and was accused of substance abuse relapse. "[Cody and I] have managed to work things out a little bit better," she said. "We share custody right now and it's going really well." [People]
• Justine Bateman has resigned her position on SAG's national board, party because of a new contract approved by other members last month. "SAG members ... have now voted up a contract that will cause 50% of the working members to leave the business," she wrote in her resignation letter. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Jessica Biel says she doesn't understand why some stars go out without underwear. "I don't really get that, it's not my thing - I'm a knicker person," she said. "I actually know a handful of people who aren't knicker people, but I don't get it!" Question: Did Jess use the term "knicker" or was her statement translated into British by the newspaper? [The Mirror]
• "I'll be 34 in October. I can't keep getting away with [nudity]. There was so much of it in The Reader because the story required it, but people have seen enough of my bum and my boobs. I have to put them back." — Kate Winslet [People]
• "I've never cared for the idea of a career path, or where a film might "take me". My love is for acting not money, so I only take on roles that I find challenging, in stories I find interesting. I was brought up the Mexican way, where actors are paid very little and every part you take is an act of faith. If people respect that, then great." — Gael Garcia Bernal [The Telegraph]
• Meryl Streep put on weight to play Julia Child. "I gained 15 pounds, I'm still trying to lose it," said Streep. "It was worth it." [People]
• Meryl Streep says of playing Julia Child, who was happily married to Paul Child for nearly 50 years, "When you're playing romantic characters, a great part of my attention has to be that I look really attractive. Obviously you can't play a romantic character if she's not really pretty. What's liberating about these characters is that there's this huge throbbing love between two people who don't look like our normal package of lovers. It made it more real and intimate because somehow those concerns were thrown away. If you've been married for a long time you love without looking. I don't assess how my husband looks every single day and think, Is he cute enough or whatever? And I sure hope he doesn't do it to me!" [Ladies' Home Journal]

• New day, same rumor: The "doc" is a diva. So. Did Katherine Heigl get dropped from the cast of cringe-inducing flick Valentine's Day because she wanted too much cash? Her rep says:

"The story is ludicrous." And: "Katherine walked away from this project for multiple reasons." Hmm. Julia Roberts, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Shirley MacLaine and Bradley Cooper are still in. [Page Six]

• Celebrities are speaking out about the gay marriage ban in California: Melissa Etheridge says: "So, will anyone be sleeping better tonight? Those full of hate and fear will surely be disappointed that 18,000 same sex couples will be living in wedded bliss, kissing their spouses goodnight, checking off those little 'married' boxes on all those forms we fill out nowadays. That's really going to drive them crazy." Lance Bass says: "The decision to uphold Prop 8 is deeply disappointing. I can only hope to one day live in a country that grants equal rights, opportunity, and freedom to all citizens." [Radar Online]
• George Clooney says of the ruling on Prop 8: "This just should invigorate people to get it back on the ballot in 2010 and 2012 and every two years until all people are allowed a basic civil right." [E!]
• Twitterholics Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are threatening to quit Tweeting if Twitter goes forward with its plans to launch a TV show. [NY Mag]
• More Demi Moore: She will make the trip to the UK to watch Susan Boyle in the Britain's Got Talent finale. Simon Cowell offered her (and hubs Ashton) first-class plane tickets. [The Sun]
• This video clip may or may not be footage from the new Amy Winehouse documentary Saving Amy. One thing is for sure: It's boring. If you want to see Amy's dad talk about the villa in St. Lucia for 10 seconds and then see Amy say something unintelligible for about 2 seconds, then go ahead and click. [ONTD]
• News you cannot use: Someone somewhere says of Jesus Luz: "Leave it to Madonna to find the only Jew who's a hot Latino with an uncut penis." Brazilians aren't Latino, though, right? [Village Voice]
• Speaking of Madonna: Artist Peter Howson has created an oil painting of her Madgesty in the nude with her ex, Guy Ritchie, touching her thigh. Honestly? It doesn't exactly look like her. But it's up for auction this week, if you have £22, 000. [Mirror]
• Oh! Jesus Luz speaks! He and Madonna bought jewelry together, but it's not because they're getting married: "I received these pieces of jewellery because they are inspired by Kabbalah," he says. "If I want to present them to somebody, it could be my mother or a friend of mine. I don't have any marriage plans or any wedding present." [Mirror]
• Hugh Jackman's nine-year-old son uttered the following: "Hey dad, 2 o'clock, hot chicks." And, apparently, the kid, Oscar, went up to the girls and said: "Hey, you know that my dad's Wolverine?" [Mirror]
• Michael Lohan was arrested last month when he threatened to kill his fiancée and himself when she tried to dump him. Not good. [Page Six]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are moving to a bigger house in preparation for the twins. [Daily Mail]
• It's not a Mariah Carey gossip item without hairdresser drama and diamonds! [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson may or may not have hooked up with a blonde chick when he was in the South of France for the Cannes Film Festival. Star spoke to the lady in question, who says: "We had a great time together! Rob's very sweet." Scintillating. [Star]
• If you see a "parade of rats," follow them! You might find Gisele Bundchen, Michael Cera, Rupert Everett and NBC news anchor Lester Holt, who are all experiencing a serious rat problem on their street in the West Village in NYC. [Page Six]
• Russell Brand, who hosted the MTV Awards last year, has advice for Andy Samberg, who's hosting the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday: "Do not jokingly criticise the Jonas Brothers — you will receive less-threatening death threats. There's nothing worse than opening a letter and then seeing in it a death threat. You think, 'Hold on a minute. I wasn't looking forward to the letter particularly. Now I fear death. Ruins a perfectly good read.'" [Mirror]
• Hey, Page Six: This item is called "Kelis & Nas Celebrate Their Baby," yet they're in the middle of a bitter divorce! [Page Six]
• Kevin Kreider, brother of Kate of Jon & Kate Plus 8, says the kids are being exploited and viewed as commodities. Sigh. [CBS News]
• Kirsten Dunst is selling her L.A. home on Nichols Canyon Road; it's got 3 bedrooms and 2 baths, exposed beams in the living room and cute outdoor spaces. Kiki is accepting offers starting at $1,700,000. Go! [Real Estalker]
• Kim Kardashian is not engaged. She doesn't know when she will get engaged. And yet. She is picking out rings. "It's just easier," she explains. "Isn't it easy if someone's like, 'This is exactly what I want.' It'll make your life so easy." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Breaking news from Lady GaGa: "I like boys that look like girls." [Fox News]
• Gavin Rossdale is on the road touring to support his new album, and little Kingston is with him! "Sometimes we'll go to museums of modern art so he can see a big splash of color on the walls… I found a way to kill some time in New York by asking him to look out the window and tell me every time he saw a yellow taxi," says Gavin. "He was so into it. We had a really good time." [People]
• Kelly Osbourne's fiancé saved her dog's life! Little Goldie was bitten by a rattlesnke and Luke rushed the pup to the vet. Kelly Twittered: "Thanks to Luke we got her there just in time. Luke was amazing, if he was not there I don't know what would have happened!" [The Sun]
• "Lifetime Movie Network Tuesday announced plans to air two fashion-themed murder mysteries this summer." LOL. Maggie Lawson stars as Lacey Smithsonian, a Washington, D.C., fashion reporter whose beat turns deadly. LOL! Mark Consuelos, Mario Cantone, Finola Hughes, Mary McDonnell and Victor Webster will be cast in the flicks, titled Killer Hair and Hostile Makeover. LOL. [UPI]
• Jodie Sweetin — aka Stephanie Tanner — has penned a book, UnSweetined, which details her past as a meth, coke, ecstasy and booze abuser who finally straightened out after she discovered she was pregnant. [Page Six]
• James Gandolfini, Will Ferrell, Nicole Kidman, Anne Hathaway and Kevin Spacey will be presenting at the Tony awards. Fingers crossed that they'll all do a musical number together! [Variety]
• James Brown died Christmas 2006, but legal battles over his estate have lived on. Yesterday a judge ruled that half of his assets will go to his charitable trust; a quarter to his wife and young son, and the rest to Brown's adult children. [USA Today]
• Ed McMahon's lawsuit — regarding slipping on a ramp-like staircase at a mansion and hurting his neck — has been settled. [TMZ]
• The promoter who sold tickets to see a fake Toni Braxton sing says that the Braxton impersonator was unaware of his scheme; she thought that everyone knew that she was an impersonator, and didn't find out until later that people purchased tickets expecting to see the real Toni Braxton. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Starting today, fans who visit Graceland get to go in the stables. [USA Today]
• Blind item! "Which beauty now going through a divorce told a pal over lunch four years ago, 'I've had several abortions. If my husband ever found out, he'd throw me out of the house?' Looks like he found out." [Page Six]
• "It's all about history. What we as mothers are doing is creating history with our kids that we can look back on. When they're adults I want my kids to say 'Mom worked so hard, but she was always there for us.'" — Britney Spears, who says she was encouraged by Madonna to take her kids on tour. [The Sun]
• "Playing a bad guy is always a freeing experience - because you don't have the same envelope of restrictions that you have playing a good guy." — John Travolta, who plays a bad guy in The Taking Of Pelham 123. [Mirror]
• "You want people to talk about you, because once they stop talking about you that's when you're really in trouble! I'm happy to have people talk about all the craziness they want to talk about, whether it's things like every year we're getting divorced or we're an open family or Will's gay, or I'm gay." — Jada Pinkett Smith, who graces the new cover of Ebony. [Just Jared]
• "I was on my way to a festival [in Chicago], I was on the street and he (a police officer) stopped me. He said 'put your ass up against the fence,' there were kids around so I guess he wanted me to cover up my butt — quite a bit was showing. But it was quite an epic moment for me, I was up against the fence going ‘it's fashion, I'm an artist!' I signed his ridiculous piece of paper and left. I was being wildly disrespectful to him, he looked like some park ranger on a bike." — Lady GaGa. [Fox News]
• "I had a gentleman turn up on my doorstep all the way from Peru. He said he'd seen my clip on YouTube and had to come congratulate me. That was pretty weird." —Susan Boyle. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I met Randy Jackson, and he asked me to sing on American Idol. I was like, 'Um, I'll stick to dancing.'" —Shawn Johnson. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I've always approached this from the place where I don't compete with other girls. I don't compete with other people in the industry, I compete with myself. If I looked at every other girl in the entertainment industry as competition, my life would be really lonely. I wouldn't have some of the coolest friends that I'm so glad I've gotten to know over the last couple of years. ... It's really awesome to get to hang out with those girls [Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez] and to call them friends." — Taylor Swift. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "I'm home from the hospital and feeling great. Thanks for all the love and support!" — Elizabeth Taylor, via Twitter. [Reuters, Liz Taylor's Twitter]
• "I couldn't marry John Mayer, it'd be so intense. I'd definitely shag the shit out of him though. I'll go on record saying that." — Katy Perry. [The Sun via Complex]

• Following Chris Brown's arrest for making criminal threats (possibly to Rihanna), his commercials for Doublemint gum have been pulled from the air. He's also hired a lawyer known for some very high profile cases.

• Brown hired attorney Mark Geragos, best known for defending convicted murderer Scott Peterson, Winona Ryder after her 2001 shoplifting arrest, and Michael Jackson during his child molestation trial. Wrigley's gum has issued a statement saying they are "concerned by the serious allegations made against Chris Brown" and are suspending their ads until the charges are cleared. [People, Extra]
• Rihanna's rep issued a statement saying, "Rihanna is well. Thank you for concern and support." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Tameka Raymond, Usher's wife, is now in stable condition after suffering complications during "routine" surgery in Brazil, according to her rep. [People]
• Travis Barker says he left the hospital too soon after surviving a fatal LearJet crash. "I kind of rushed out of the hospital and my hand was numb, but I didn't tell anybody," he said. "I just wanted to get out." He has now had surgery to repair the nerve damage and will be in recovery for another 8 to 10 weeks. [Extra]
• An insider claims that the reason Kate Hudson is trapped in romantic comedy hell is that she doesn't pick her own projects. Decisions are made by her team of agents managers, and boyfriends-du-jour. "They choose what they think is best for her, "says the source. "They've made a lot of wrong decisions." [E!]
• Also, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson: back on. Does that mean he gets a say in her career again? [People]
• Over the weekend Peaches Geldof announced her divorce from Max Drummey. Now sources reveal that she has been dating the Virgins frontman Donald Cumming for weeks and "couldn't care less about Max." [The Daily Mail]
• Is this video of Michael Cera flipping out on the set of his new movie real, or an homage to Christian Bale? Either way, there is something deeply unsettling about seeing George Michael act like such a brat. [Perez Hilton]
• The lawyer in Jodie Sweetin's custody case ordered drug tests for Sweetin and her estranged husband. Both are drug free. [People]
• Apparently Katy Perry's family provided some not-so-flattering childhood photos of her to CBS. In retaliation, she posted an unflattering picture of her red-haired sister on her blog, writing, "Wow. look at that tender mess. We're sorry all the gingers are going extinct. We salute you for you braveness of being a ginge." [The Daily Express]
• Denise Richards says of being a contestant on the new season of Dancing With The Stars, "All I hope is that I don't embarrass my girls!" It may be a little late for that. [People]
• Medical professionals were shocked by Oprah's endorsement of Suzanne Somers' theories on horomone replacement therapy on a recent show. Says one doctor: "Oprah is the most influential woman in the world, and I don't think she comprehends the amount of damage she has done to women's health. I came away feeling like Oprah really didn't understand the issue. Personally, I feel like she has set us back 100 years." [Newsweek]
• Two months after his arrest for drunk driving, Charles Barkley has finally admitted that he was wrong, saying, "It was stupid, and it was 100 percent my fault.'' [TMZ]
• Halle Berry says of Gabriel Aubry, her boyfriend and father of her daughter Nahla, "I feel more married now than I did in any of my actual marriages. We live the truth of that and that's more important than a piece of paper." [People]
• Woody Harrelson says making a film about the work of U.S. army casualty notification officers has given him more respect and compassion for soldiers. "I've been an outspoken peace activist for good reason. But what was missing from my own philosophy was a real understanding of what these soldiers go through," said Harrelson. [Reuters]
• Steve Harvey's relationship advice book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment has been out for less than two weeks, but has already sold more than half of its initial print run. [The Wall Street Journal]
• Miss Piggy on why she'd never enter politics: "I've considered politics, but frankly I think they've already got way too many divas. And besides, when you're a celebrity of moi's magnitude, anything worth doing is worth having someone else do for you." [Publisher's Weekly]
• Hollywood screenwriters are itching to make a movie about Sarah Palin's clan! Milk writer Dustin Lance Black says he would like to write about Palin because he's "interested in great characters." But The Visitor writer Todd McCarty, says he would focus any movie he makes on the teenager who impregnated Palin's 17-year-old daughter Bristol, saying, "there's a dark comedy there somewhere." [The Daily Express]
• "My grandmother is basically blind, but she can make out the lighter parts, like my skin and hair. She says, "I can see you, because you have no pants on." So I'll continue to wear no pants so that my grandma can see me." - Lady GaGa [Perez Hilton]

• "A Los Angeles Superior Court official said Tuesday that MTV was recently granted permission to shoot in a courtroom in Beverly Hills, but it was done after hours - and that's not one of their judges sitting on the bench in The Hills footage.MTV was granted permission to film 'what purported to be a wedding outside of court hours' at the Beverly Hills courthouse, court spokesman Allan Parachini said Tuesday. He did not know who the participants were in the wedding, but Parachini said court officials wanted the filming to be treated as a news event." [AP]
• Did Kate Walsh's marriage implode because she was getting McSteamy with Private Practice co-star David Sutcliffe? Soap opera-y dramz in real life! [Star]
• Tiffani Amber Thiessen: knocked up. This will be the first child for the artist formerly known as Kelly Kapowski. [Star]
• Speaking of 90s stars and their spawn, Full House star Jodie Sweetin is in the midst of a messy custody war. TMZ says, "Her estranged husband called for an emergency hearing this morning to get access to their 8-month old daughter ASAP." How rude! Sorry, it had to be said. [TMZ]
• Oh lord. Nick Lachey is going to be on another MTV show. Because the first one worked out so well for him and his marriage! Anyway, EW describes the show as "Untitled Nick Lachey project: Former Jessica Simpson appendage follows Ohio theater geeks." Sounds like a recipe for…something. [EW]
• LeeLee Sobieski swears that Christian Bale was a "protector" on the set of the new Terminator movie. However, she wouldn't elaborate specifically, and only said, "He was very protective of all the women and the men on set. He was actually amazing to everybody, the utmost professional guy. In fact there was even an instance one night where he kept a lady safe." [E! Online]
• Correction! Katy Perry is not engaged to Gym Class Heroes member Travis McCoy. Since we are olds, we still don't really know who these people are, but we are happy to relay the proper information. [Perez]
• An overzealous loon spooked Lindsay Lohan in Scottsdale the other night. "The gentleman became very excited when he realized he was so close to Samantha and he has a history of being a stalker with Lindsay Lohan so he immediately attacked her and started yelling, 'I love her, I love her.'" The man was arrested for disorderly conduct but released a few hours later. Stay safe Lilo! [TMZ]
• What habit does Jennifer Aniston hate most in a man? "selfishness. No, that's a behavior. What's a bad habit? I'd say forgetting to turn off the lights." Those pet peeves can really wear a gal down. [People]
• Joan Jett had this to say about recruiting bands for her new record label, Blackheart: "Now it's becoming something where we can give people an opportunity. And certainly girls who are having a tougher time, as I felt myself, but it's obviously not limited to girls, we're just looking for good music, bands that want to work hard." [Rolling Stone ]
• Speaking of Ms. Jett, Kristen Stewart says it's bonkers that she was chosen to play Joan in the forthcoming biopic about Jett's band, The Runaways. "It's an absolutely insane concept for me to even think that I'm going to play her, but apparently I got the job so I'm going to give it all I've got." [NYM]
• Katie Holmes turns 30 this week, and hubby Tom Cruise says he's going to plan a birthday palooza for his wife. "I've been kind of surprising her throughout the week with things," he says. [People]
• Though she's rumored to be dating actor Kyle Howard, Lauren Conrad says she doesn't know who her New Year's kiss will be. However, she is super fine with Amanda Bynes dating her ex, frozen burrito heir Doug Reinhardt. ""They seem really cute together," LC says. "I haven't met her, but he's a really great guy." [E! Online via Yahoo]
• Count Rosario Dawson among the Twilight obsessives. "I just read the first book, it's ridiculous, it's like crack cocaine. I read it for 10 hours straight until I finished it," Dawson gushes. [People]
• Eva Mendes wanted a ticket to Obama's inauguration, but this time, her celebrity couldn't help her snag an invite. "We are still working on it, but I understand the whole thing. They don't want to make (it) a celebrity studded event because I understand this in an extremely crucial time in our history and in our world right now. And I understand not wanting to make (it) a star-studded event; I completely understand that. But of course, I would love to go and be there," the starlet says. Yeah, you and 50 million other people, lady. [Daily Express]
• "So much of what I went through the last eight years, it was unnecessary. It was completely unnecessary. It costs a fortune. And more the psychic toll. I mean, I aged like 20 years in the last eight years. It really — it killed me. I was really tired." — Alec Baldwin on his trainwreck divorce from Kim Basinger. [Perez]
• OMG! Some dude got his Price Is Right bid in the final Showcase on the nose. This is the first time in 30 years someone has guessed the exact price of a Showcase. Host Drew Carey acted weird about it: "A TMZ spy who happened to be in the audience during the taping says when Drew knew the guy hit the exact number, he stopped down taping and had a pow-wow with show producers for nearly 30 minutes. Our spy thinks they were trying to figure out how to handle the situation on camera." [TMZ]

Rumor has it that Uncle Jesse Cochran Katsopolis himself, John Stamos, is working on a "semi-remake" of the syrupy series that would center around D.J. and Stephanie Tanner, those two kids who shared the spotlight with the bazillionaire Olsen twins, back in their pre-verbal celebrity days. Candace Cameron Bure, who has recently returned to acting after some time off, and Jodie Sweetin, who has recently made headlines with her meth addiction, subsequent recovery, marriage, and subsequent divorce, have been in talks with Stamos to get the series off the ground. As for the plot? "We would revive our characters, but today as young women," Cameron Bure says.

Part of me really, really wants this show to happen, purely out of curiosity. Will D.J. Tanner go by Donna Jo? Does Stephanie still say, "How rude?" Are these two women a bit messed up from being raised by an obsessive-compulsive father, one uncle who constantly wore a talking woodchuck puppet on his hand and another who was 88% convinced that he was reincarnation of Elvis? And did Aunt Becky finally realize how insane it was that she agreed to raise her family in an attic? And, perhaps most importantly, what of Kimmy Gibler?!

But the more dominant feeling I had, upon reading this article, was this: with every reincarnation of a childhood favorite, there comes a sense of ickiness, a realization that you are no longer 9, and these characters are no longer interesting, or funny, or real. They are scenery from a trip you can't take again, weird ghosts from a you that no longer exists, and much like watching Indiana Jones chasing bloody aliens, you begin to view the stars of your childhood memories through a lens of "perhaps I should have just lived with the memories." Because honestly, when you see a child star of your youth all grown up, you have no choice but to recognize that you're grown up, too. Indiana Jones suddenly looks like your dad. Adult D.J. Tanner looks like a woman you work with. And Transformers, even with all their special effects, just look like robots in disguise courtesy of some really awesome technical tricks.

It's also a bit strange, I imagine, to be in Cameron Bure or Sweetin's shoes: our nostalgia, in a way, is also theirs, and who can blame them for wanting to go back to a period in their lives where they were beloved by audiences everywhere? At the same time, however: does anyone really want to see Jodie Sweetin dive back into the role that set her on that Child Star Downfall path? And if Candace Cameron and Jodie Sweetin have to return to the roles that made them famous in order for us to pay attention to them, or to care, what does that say about the options they have? Or the options that we, as viewers, are willing to give them? Is rejecting the idea of a Full House return a way of saying, "You were only worth watching as an adorable child star," or is it, in a form, a way of saying, "We grew up with you, but it's time for all of us to move on to new things."

Still: if they gave Kimmy Gibler her own talk show, I would totally watch it. You know she'd call someone a "double geekburger with cheese" and all hell would break loose. How rude!

A Full House Remake, Original Recipe? [NYPost] via [TV Tattle]

• Pin-up legend Bettie Page has been hospitalized after a heart attack she suffered on Tuesday. The 85-year-old Page is being held in the intensive care unit, and is "critically ill." [NYTimes]

• The Pussycat Dolls are apparently "so excited" to open for Britney Spears on her Circus world tour. "The Pussycat Dolls can babysit Britney Spears' kids!" says lead singer Nicole Scherzinger. I'm sure Britney's lawyers are thrilled to hear it! [US Magazine]

• Meanwhile, Britney is having a "love-hate relationship" with her boobs. "At the moment I hate them. I want them smaller," Spears says, "I'm tempted to have a breast reduction so I can slink into some amazing stage outfits for my next set of shows. I know they look sexy but sometimes they get in the way." It's like raaaaain on your wedding day! [DailyMail]

• New details are emerging about Full House star Jodie Sweetin's divorce: Sweetin claims that her husband, Cody Herpin, never made any efforts to find employment after they were married. "Our house is in foreclosure, our water has been shut off twice. Currently, all of our other utilities are overdue," Sweetin says, "[He] kept finding one excuse after another for his failure to even attempt to find employment." The couple had reportedly been living on Sweetin's residual checks from her child stardom days. Yikes. [People]

• Tell your 12-year-old niece to stop freaking out: the Jonas Brothers like, totally aren't breaking up, you guys! [US Magazine]

• Nicole Kidman admits to being extremely attached to her baby, Sunday Rose. "I can't bear to be separate from my baby; I'm totally devoted to her," Kidman says, "Mum says I'm over-bonded with her, but I don't care." Meanwhile, Connor and Isabella Cruise are, you know, somewhere, doing something, whatever. I kid! I kid![DailyMail]

• Ouch: MSNBC has a harsh headline up regarding Beyonce's latest film: "Cadillac Records Is As Flat As A Vinyl LP." [MSNBC]

• Kandice Hutchison, a 22 year old contestant on MTV's latest reality show, Double Shot at Love was killed in a car accident "shortly after filming her last scene." [US Magazine]

• Jessica Simpson is apparently going back to her religious roots: ""I've been contemplating taking a college course in religion," Simpson says, "I love religion."[The Sun]

• A "dry run" of Jimmy Fallon's new late-night talk show will begin Monday in an online-only format. [E!]
• • Eli Stone star and ex-husband of Angelina Jolie, Jonny Lee Miller, is now the proud father of a boy named Buster Timothy. Miller's wife, Michelle Hicks, gave birth to Buster on Wednesday; it is the first child for both.[People]

  • More drama for Lindsay and Sam: an onlooker claims that Lindsay was "in tears" after a fight with Ronson that was caused by Lindsay wanting to go home and Sam wanting to stay out and party. "Sam was roaming the party and chatting with people, and Lindsay just seemed to melt down literally," the source claims. [E!]

  • Sad news: writer and editor Forrest Ackerman, who coined the term "Sci-Fi" in 1954, has died at the age of 92. [Reuters]

  • Did Coldplay rip off "Viva la Vida" from guitarist Joe Satriani? Satriani thinks so, and is suing the band as a result. [EW]

  • Audrina and JustinBobby were spotted out together, most likely having a fake conversation in a well-lit area as a generic soundtrack played in the background and mascara dripped down someone's otherwise perfectly-made-up face. [US Magazine]

  Image via PlanetBettie.

• Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated: Dunzo. He's left her for a German model; she's admitted that it was never going to last and that they were "only together for sex." Keep in mind that this report comes from a terribly disreputable paper. [News Of The World, Page Six]
• By the by, Blake Fielder-Civil's jail sentence appeal was refused by two judges. [The Sun]
• "Impeccable" sources say Guy Ritchie is banking $70 million of Madonna's money as part of the divorce settlement. That kind of cash will buy a lot of rounds at the pub! [Perez Hilton]
• Oy, Alex Rodriguez is a "Kabbalah school dropout." Madonna will not be happy about this. [MSNBC]
• That was quick: Michael Jackson has settled his court case in which be was being sued by a sheikh. [BBC News]
• Bloody hell. The Twilight sequel has been greenlit. [UPI]

• Brad and Angelina's family is just as cute and perfect in real life as they claim to be. [Page Six]
• OMG Barbara and Jenna Bush helped take Sasha and Malia Obama on a tour of the White House and all of the girls totally jumped on the beds! Says Laura Bush: "They're really tall beds; you need to get a running start." [People]
• Will Leona Lewis team up with Beyoncé and Jay-Z for Barack Obama's inauguration concert? [The Sun]
• Larry Rudolph, Britney Spears' longtime manager, discusses her documentary: "There just came a moment where she decided to get up, brush herself off and move forward. She had hit a low point in her life. She realized that and everybody else realized that. She wanted to get to a better place." Plus, there's A clip! [LA Times]
• Britney made an unexpected appearance in court Friday for a hearing on her ongoing conservatorship. [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Alba ate Nutella crepes at a downtown Manhattan restaurant, where the staff said the meal was "on the house," so she left a $200 tip. Classy. [Page Six]
• In this in-depth piece about Nicole Kidman, we learn that while Keith Urban is on tour and Nic rides around in the tour bus, "She likes to sneak away and go to people's garage sales. 'All I need is a hat, and I go,' she says. She bought little ceramic candle holders at one sale, she says, and embroidered Christmas stockings at another, 'when it wasn't anywhere near Christmastime. I love it.'" [Washington Post]
• Johnny Depp's movie took over a highway in Wisconsin; the detour traffic made a road collapse. Whoops! [AP]
• Ooh: Today is the day that Boy George is due to stand trial; he's accused of assaulting and falsely imprisoning a male escort. [The Star]
• How do people in the Bronx feel about the name Ashlee and Pete Wentz chose for their baby boy? Not impressed. [NY Times]
• "Bronx is beyond precious. I'm over the moon with joy," says Jessica Simpson. "Life is a beautiful miracle. Ashlee and Pete are healthy, happy and enjoying every moment." Cool, cool. Do people really say "over the moon"??? [UPI]
• Nicolette Sheridan, who ended her engagement to Michael Bolton about three months ago, was seen making out with "Hollywood Lothario" David Spade Friday night. Just let that image settle in. [Star]
• Even though Michael Phelps has professed his love for McDonald's, he has a deal promoting Subway. How did the sandwich chain land the deal? [AdAge]
• Illeana Douglas has a (laminated) message for the paparazzi, you should click and see. [DListed]
• Pleasure principle: Janet Jackson is going to take a break from music to focus on having a baby with her boyfriend Jermane Dupri. [Daily Express]
• The economy takes no prisoners: The Tyra Banks Show is moving to the CW's afternoon block after being in syndication for four seasons. Stations have been making budget cuts, so Tyra's production schedule will be cut to 26 weeks from 34. [Reuters]
• Natasha McElhone says her mission now, besides acting and providing for her family, is to complete some of the work her late husband, a doctor, began: "to finish his life, to finish his unfinished business." [LA Times]
• In this interview with Stephen Colbert, he discusses meeting Eleanor Holmes Norton (the District's delegate in Congress): "I felt so dirty. I felt like a piece of meat. I find being a piece of meat very exciting. In my last life, I think I was a veal cutlet." [Washington Post]
• Paris Hilton has been "constantly texting" Benji Madden and trying to show up at clubs where he is supposed to be. [Mirror]
• You can buy a silk couch owned by Jenna Jameson on eBay if you have $9,500 to spare. It's pearl gray. [DListed]
• Even though the economy is in the crapper, there's stuff celebrities won't give up: Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss needs her coffee; Jessica Biel must travel first class; Hilary Swank gets facials; supermodel/ANTM judge Twiggy must have pink Champagne, and much more [WWD]
• Dora The Explorer is getting a new voice: Will kids notice? [Page Six]
• Blind items: 1. Which ex-couple — an actor and a model — still share some aspects of their sex life? Both are known to sleep with a famous Lower East Side topless dancer who has a reputation of never going home alone. 2. Which TV host has such good rapport with his fetching female co-host that his wife has correctly guessed they're having an affair? [Page Six]
• No Doubt: On tour, summer 2009. [People]
• Ben Stiller and Chris Rock: "Israel is better than Hollywood." [AP]
• Dita Von Teese is suing Macmillan Publishers, which printed Patti O'Shea's In Twilight's Shadow, a paranormal romance novel about demon hunting. For some reason, Dita's face is on the cover. She certainly did not give permission. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Now that the Daily Mail has apologized to David Duchovny for printing a story about him having an affair with his tennis instructor, Duchovny's dropped his $1 million lawsuit. [E!]
• Travis Barker is suing the owner and makers of the "defective" Learject that crashed September 19, killing four and leaving him and DJ AM with severe burns. [Yahoo News via E!]
• So you know how Michael Lohan — Lindsay's dad — was going to box for charity? The parole board has stepped in, saying the boxing match can't happen because he spent 20 months in prison for attempted assault. Whoops! [Yahoo News]
• Will the Golden Globes not happen again this year? Last year is was a writers' strike; this year a Screen Actors Guild strike could cancel the event. [Fox News]
• Hollywood veterans and experts from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are spending $25 million on a lab called The Centre for Future Storytelling. Matt Damon is involved. [Times Of London]
• Lily Allen sought therapy after her miscarriage: "I was in a very, very dark place after the whole thing happened. That was the toughest thing I've had to go through in my life. [Therapy] is really, really helping me. I feel it's getting better and everything's going to be OK." [Mirror]
• Crazy stuff in this Q&A with Quincy Jones: His dad worked as a carpenter for the black mob, and in 1974 Q had two brain aneurysms. Oh, and Q talks about Frank Sinatra: "[He] was one of those guys where he liked you or he didn't. I got to know the Frank that nobody wrote about, the guy who visited Billie Holiday in the hospital to make sure her bills were paid and who took care of Amos and Andy when they were down on their luck. He was a stand-up guy who didn't see color, and that was rare back then." [Newsweek]
• Padma Lakshmi went to see the Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl dragged her on stage; she ended up playing tambourine with the band and getting hit on by Taylor Hawkins. [Page Six]
• Meg Ryan's Bel-Air house is for sale, if you have $19.5 million to spare. You get 6,877 square feet, a pool, spa, and guest house. [TMZ]
• Cedric the Entertainer may not be the obvious first choice for a Broadway drama, but he's getting good buzz for being in the David Mamet play American Buffalo. [NY Times]
• Cops are looking for a "Casanova conman" who claims links to Heath Ledger, Robert De Niro and Keith Urban and has left broken hearts and empty wallets across Australia. [News.com.au]
• Wow. A Keith Richards easy listening album. With a jazz version of "Over The Rainbow. Wow. [Telegraph]
• A doozy of a headline: "Camilla Admits To 'Letting Herself Go' Since She Married Charles... And Vows To Take Up Tai Chi As A New Year's Resolution." Lulz. [Daily Mail]
  
• Warren Beatty is suing over the rights to comic strip detective Dick Tracy. Apparently he's working on a Dick Tracy TV special? Who knew? [Reuters]
• Paul Newman's will was made public and he left his personal property, including real estate, to his wife, Joanne Woodward. His Oscars and other awards went to the Newman's Own Foundation; his airplane and race cars will be sold, with proceeds going to his estate. [AP]
• A Smashing Pumpkins show has been postponed; Billy Corgan's sick! [UPI]
• Billy Zane's parents closed down the Chicago med school they owned, leaving some students in the lurch. [UPI]
• Enya: Might tour for the first time ever. [Reuters]
• Oh, good (oh God?): The Vatican's newspaper has finally forgiven John Lennon for declaring that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ. Plus, The paper says the Beatles made music that is better than "standardized, stereotypical" songs being produced today. [Reuters, AP]
• Speaking of the Beatles, Paul McCartney says his conflict with John Lennon was over before the singer was shot. [UPI]
• investigators say Olivia Newton-John's missing boyfriend probably drowned while on a fishing trip. [News.com.au]
• A man who waved Samurai swords at a Hollywood Scientology building had a "previous relationship" to the church; he was shot and killed by a security guard. [AP]
• Rocker Bryan Ferry is dating his son's ex-girlfriend. The Roxy Music star is 63; the lady in question is 27 and his son is 22. A "pal" says the lady had fling with the son about 5 years ago. Yuck. [The Sun]
• Jodie Sweetin has filed for legal separation from her husband but is "trying to stay positive for Zoie," their 7-month-old daughter. [People]
• Why is a letter Princess Diana wrote to her royal footman on her honeymoon up for sale? And how sad is it that she mentions how "terribly lonely" she is? [Daily Mail]
• Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster are trying for a baby. Yeah, he's 63, so what? [Mirror]
• "Ever since her Oscar nomination, Sophie Okonedo has been offered plenty of 'mini-skirted girlfriend' parts. But she'd much rather stay home and do nothing." [Telegraph]
• Blackadder: a Christmas comeback. [The Star]
• A New York rabbi paid $2500 at an auction to go out with ice skating queen Oksana Baiul. He says: "Well, I'm single, it's for charity, and she seems like a nice Jewish girl. I guess I'm the luckiest guy in my congregation." [Page Six]
• "My son would have been at that rally in Chicago when the first African- American president was elected, and I'm sure he would have gone up onstage and grabbed the microphone as only he could." — Ol' Dirty Bastard's mom. [Page Six]
• "I got drunk and lied to him. I said 'I've lost my keys and I can't wake my mum. Can I stay on your sofa?' He went to brush his teeth. I took my clothes off and jumped in his bed. It's the only way I can ever get together with people." — Lily Allen on her seduction technique. [Mirror]
• "I laugh when people say we don't get on. Of course we row. But we are best friends as well as partners. I don't think we'd know what to do without each other." — Kate "Jordan" Price on her relationship with her husband, Peter Andre. [The Sun]
• "Axl's a friend, and I don't want to compromise that. But as for 'fun' crazy: He wrote his (half) brother, Stuart, a $25,000 check every day to throw these lavish theme parties. It was like, we're in Indianapolis, so there were Formula One cars everywhere, with all the girls dressed up in pit-crew uniforms. It was decadence at the highest level I'd ever seen, a Caligula kind of outlandishness. There were orgies, sure. Was I involved? Yes. Well, I was in the same room — we'll leave it at that." — Lars Ulrich on being on tour with Axl Rose and Guns N Roses back in the day. [Perez Hilton]
• "Something else comes out of you when you become a parent and, as you get older, you start to see more character in your face. Now, when I look at myself, I just see somebody at peace, and I see a mom, and I see my own relatives in my face – and that’s a kind of beauty that exists for everybody and doesn’t disappear." — Angelina Jolie. [Daily Mail]

• Full House star Jodie Sweetin, who recently turned her life around after a trip down Child-Star-Turned-Meth-Addict lane, is divorcing her husband of 16 months, Cody Herpin. Herpin, who Sweetin credits with helping her in her recovery process, claims he is "dumbfounded" by the divorce and is worried about the couple's 7-month-old daughter, Zoie. "Over this past month something has been different," Herpin says, "I'm concerned about our daughter and I just want (Zoie) home." [People]

• Things are not looking good for Lindsay and Sam: according to a "source," the couple had yet another fight last night in Dubai during a hotel launch party. "At one stage Lindsay approached Sam in the DJ booth and screamed at her, 'How many more songs? How long is it going to take for you to pack up?"' The pair have apparently been "fighting like cats and dogs," and as Dodai reported yesterday, are reportedly looking at couples therapy to help them patch things up. [DailyMail]

• Jessica Simpson is thrilled about her new nephew, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. "Bronx is beyond precious," Simpson tells US Magazine, "I'm over the moon with joy. Life is a beautiful miracle.[US Magazine]

• Meanwhile, a baby-naming expert doesn't think Bronx Mowgli will set off a baby-name trend. Ya think? [US Magazine]

• Is Britney gearing up for a world tour? Apparently she was in court yesterday to discuss the possibility, according to court spokesman Allan Parachini: "There isn't a lot I can tell you about it. There was discussion of Ms. Spears' future immediate business plans. Particularly touring in support of her album."[E!]

• Aaron Eckhart had only lovely things to say about his co-star, Jennifer Aniston: "It was wonderful; she was awesome to work with. Good friend, sweet girl, total pro. She has just a heart of gold, and I totally enjoyed the experience.”[E!]

• Twilight is already raking it in at the box office: the film has taken in over 27 million dollars so far.[HuffingtonPost]

• President Bush's daughter, Barbara, has some advice for the Obama girls: "I think my advice to them is just, when they move...just make really good friends and surround themselves with people that will protect them because they love them regardless."[US Magazine]

• Are you in the market for a slightly-used couch? Well you're in luck, because Jenna Jameson is selling hers on Ebay in order to raise money for the twins she's currently pregnant with.[ASocialite'sLife]

• Can't wait until 2009 to catch a glimpse of the upcoming Bruno film? A sneak peak can be found here.[FashionWeekDaily]

• Travis Barker has filed a lawsuit against Bombardier Inc., Clay Lacy Aviation and Goodyear Tire and Rubber for their role in the crash that killed 4 of Barker's fellow passengers and left Barker severely burned last September. Barker claims that the Learjet from the crash was "defective," noting that "it's landing gear, tires, wheels, brakes, reverse thrust system, squat switches and component parts were not airworthy." Barker has been making progress since the tragedy:"I'm already playing my drums again," he says, "and I'm already back in the studio." [US Magazine]

• Paris Hilton and Benji Madden aren't broken up, you guys. They're just "taking a break," according to Paris. "He's my best friend," Hilton told Ryan Seacrest yesterday, "He's been so great to me, so loyal. He is an incredible person, and we will always be really close. We'll see what happens in the future. I'm still in love with him." [US Magazine]

• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were seen being quite affectionate with one another while having dinner with John's parents: ""Jennifer was constantly rubbing his hair and John was rubbing her back, then every so often they would steal a kiss. They both looked very happy and very much in love.” [TheSun]

• Don't expect to hear about Jennifer's love life on her Facebook page, however. "[Facebook is] not for me," she says, "I’d be opening myself up too much. I don’t want to sound like a complete innocent — I’ve looked at things, of course. But it’s such spewing. If I look at it, I’ll be affected. It’s like dancing with the devil." [Just Jared]

• Is Michael Cera the only cast member not on board with the upcoming Arrested Development movie? [LaineyGossip]

• Sarah Jessica Parker had no idea that removing her mole would be such a huge deal: "If I knew it was famous I never would have had it removed," Parker says, "My health is terrific. I never thought anybody had any emotional attachment to that mole. I certainly didn't. It was just one of those things where I had a couple weeks and I thought, "I can finally get that mole removed," like many people do. It was an incredibly slow news week . . . One woman said to me, "That's your signature!" I said, "That's my signature?! All these years of being worried about the work, I could have just counted on my mole?!"[PopSugar]

• Kissing Jessica Stein star Jennifer Westfeldt (who also happens to be Don Draper's girlfriend) will be joining the cast of Grey's Anatomy as a patient for a "multi-episode arc." [EW]

• Tila Tequila will be replaced by a set of bisexual twins for the next installment of A Shot At Love, which will now be titled, of course, A Double Shot At Love. Apparently the original title, OMG When Are People Going To Stop With The Sexy Twin Incest Biz, Seriously MTV, You Cancelled 120 Minutes For Shit Like This!? was a little too long.[People]

The Good:
Doesn't Roseanne look nice? I love the gray hair. (We'll let the gloves go.)

Ed "Lou Grant" Asner is a class act.

Sara Gilbert looks Darlene Connor-rad.

So what if I am on the Roseanne payroll? Sarah Chalke looks good.

Is it just me, or does Rainn Wilson consistently bring it to the red carpet? And go to a lot of these TV awards shows?

Nessa wasn't Miss America for nothing. Those dames know how to work the eveningwear.

The Bad:
I'll say this for (sorta-actress) Kat Kramer: she waited until after Memorial Day.

Model Kim Alexis's gown is a very pretty color. (I'm sorry! I can't help it! Also, you never become a 'former model', right? It's like being President - a life title.)

Personally, I might have sized up. But it's certainly model Beverly Johnson's prerogative to disagree.

More than anything, I'm just confused as to why actress Joanna Cassidy is wearing this suit on the red carpet.

I know the dress codes are fluid at these events (see above), but I must say, Ron "Horshack" Palilli's get-up is more appropriate to a smart-ass teenage boy.

The Ugly:
Jodie Sweetin. Oh, Jodie Sweetin. I can't even summon a "How rude!" through my tears.

[Images via Getty.]

• Harry Potter! Yup, we pre-ordered our copy of the last-ever Harry Potter book. And we get to pick it up at 12:01 am tonight. We're super nervous about what's going to happen, too. We think that Snape isn't evil though. But we have a sneaking suspicion Harry is going to die. And we will be reading it all weekend to find out. No judgments, please.
  
• So, President Bush has banned torture. Wow took him long enough, huh? Also, we have about as much faith in this executive order as, oh, Paris saying she's never done drugs. [BBC]
  
• Bush is also getting a colonoscopy tomorrow. We just hope that Cheney doesn't go and revoke that executive order during that one hour when he's the acting president while Bush has a lighted tube shoved up his ass. [MSNBC]
  
• And if either Bush or Cheney cared at all about justice, they would do something to free Genarlow Wilson. [CNN]
  
• Wait, what?! David Beckham isn't even sure when he's going to feel up to playing soccer? Make it stop. Please. [E!]

• Former Full House-er / meth addict Jodie Sweetin gets hitched! Aw, there's hope for all of us now, isn't there?! [Yahoo!]
• Ok so blah blah blah Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker finally kissed and made up and now the Sex and the City movie is going to happen, right? Um, not so much. Chris Noth (aka Mr. Big) hasn't agreed to participate. Cry, Daily Candy-ites, cry. [Extra]
• 2 U.S. casualties and 1 missing sailor identified. [DoD]