Inside, Swank is forced to cavort awkwardly in a pond (ruining some very nice $407 boots) in order to show she "knows how to have fun." Then Coles asks her to bust some "myths" about herself, including the somewhat contradictory assumptions that she "sits around in designer gowns all day" and doesn't have "a girly-girl bone" in her body. I'm not sure where my girly-girl bone is located, but Swank's is apparently in the foot area, because her response to this particular ridiculousness is "I'm a big foot-soaker." If all this wasn't enough to put a grimace on Swank's face, Coles also asks her if it's true she has no friends. But at least she doesn't have to wear any sequins, which appear in the magazine on a pair of ridiculous silver harem pants — and lots of other places they shouldn't.

• Lindsay Lohan, finally addressing her disastrously received first Ungaro collection, says, "I am learning." But she will be back in Paris for the next show! "It's already in January. I thought it was in March." January? January means couture.

Could Mounir Moufarrige seriously be reviving Ungaro's couture division — which was shuttered in 2004 — with Lohan at the helm? God help us. Lohan also denies any responsibility for, or foreknowledge of, those ridiculous sparkly heart pasties that the Ungaro models purposefully flashed during the show that just walked in Paris. [People]

• Selena Gomez is launching a fashion line, called Selena Gomez Dream Out Loud. Something called Cynosure Holdings is responsible for the collection, which seems appropriate, somehow. It's not coming out till fall 2010, so if the economy gets worse, there's still time for it the whole idea to slink quietly away, like Pastelle. [WWD]
• Here are some first looks from Rodarte's Target collection, due out on December 20. It includes a lot of leopard print, lace, sequins, and tulle. [Seventeen and A Tiny Machine]
• Carmen Marc Valvo focuses on the positive: "I've survived in this business for over 20 years. And I've survived colon cancer; so a little dip in the world economy isn't enough to keep me down." [Houston Chronicle]
• Badgley Mischka are doing a lower-priced line, called Mark & James. [WWD]
• Ordinary New Yorkers speak out on Filippa Hamilton, the Ralph Lauren face who was fired for being too fat, at size 4: "It makes me angry," says Alexandria Blackwell, 15, of the Bronx. "They always want skinnier." Dr. Robyn Silverman, a child and teen development expert, says, "If a stunning size 4 model is too overweight to look good in their clothes, then they need to change their clothes, not the model." Revolutionary! [NYDN]
• Delia Ephron, on clothes and life: "Clothes have special power. I'll always remember the raspberry colored v-necked silk sweater I was wearing on my husband and my first date. If I hadn't been wearing that sweater that night, would any of it have happened?" Nora says dressing well becomes more important as women age. "Of course it does, because looking good is so easy when you're young. For openers, you're young, and that looks good." [Glamour]
• Linda Evangelista, on doing a shoot for W with chickens: "I grew up in Canada, in an area where everyone had chickens. I mean, we weren't supposed to have chickens — it was a residential area, but we did. Also, when I went back to Italy with my parents where they grew up, there were chickens. So you can say I know a lot about chickens." [W]
• Marie Claire editor Joanna Coles' limited vocabulary drew the attention of Fashion Week Daily, which provided a handy summary of Coles' questions for Hilary Swank, with every repetition of the word "assume" highlighted. [FWD]
• Crocs is opening a flagship store in Boulder, Colorado. [UPI]
• Someone, somewhere, "officially" named Ines de la Fressange the most chic woman in Paris. Carla Bruni, eat your heart out! [Telegraph]
• "I'm excited to go to Olympics in Vancouver," says former figure skater Vera Wang. "I'm definitely going. I always try to go anytime the Olympics come close to our continent!" She still thinks about her former sport. "Skating became a different sport with the magnification of television. And certainly a few exciting things happened in between, like knee clubbing and scandals to raise the sport's profile. But in the end, it's one of the most beautiful spectator sports that you can watch. It's not just about being insanely athletic; it's all being expressive and artistic. There's no other sport that combines spinning, jumping, choreography, costumes, music all in one- it's a full on press." [FWD]
• When she moved on to being an editor at Vogue, Wang had a few hairy moments. "There was a time where I put all of the furs on a Vogue shoot with Deborah Turbeville into the water, and the entire fur industry wanted to sue me," the designer recalled. "Another time we ruined a Frank Stella painting…we were shooting at night and I remember watching a model jumping up and down in front of a work of art that fell apart. It's hard to put a number on it, but that work of art was worth a quarter of a million 35 years ago. That's probably $3 billion now." [WWD]
• Vera Wang popped in to Karolina Kurkova's baby shower, which was also attended by Adriana Lima, Michelle Monaghan, Rachel Roy. Lima, who is also pregnant, compared bellies with Kurkova. [P6]
• Heidi Klum says she's not going to try and lose the baby weight just to be in this year's Victoria's Secret show. [People]
• Jason Wu is greeting his adoring public in Taiwan this week. [WWD]
• Zac Posen is dipping his toe in the churning waters of advertising. Coco Rocha stars and Ellen von Unwerth shot. [Fashionista]
• "Being fierce is a state of being, not something you can become. It's a high point of being a certain persona. Ferosh is a downgraded version of being fierce." — Leading ferocity expert Christian Siriano. [Star-Trib]
• The Gap is bringing back television advertising, after two years without. The chain will also open a flagship in China next year, but overall the company plans to reduce its retail space by 10% over the next five years. Its September same-store sales were down a relatively modest 1%. [TS]
• H&M's same-store sales slid 8% in September. [WSJ]

That's not hypothetical; as you may be aware, as of March 1st, the Brit will be following in Elle editor Anne Slowey's footsteps (one hopes a bit more steadily) with Marie Claire's reality entree, Running With Heels, on the Style network. The show follows approved reality formula, trailing three hapless interns getting into Prada-lovin' scrapes under Coles' critical gaze.

While Coles has been, inevitably, compared to fellow Brititrix Anna Wintour, watching her lecture or reading her recent interview, it's clear that she's another animal entirely: she may be steely, but icy she's not. Unlike Anna, Coles made her bones as a beat reporter; one can hardly see Wintour dispatching Greta van Susteren with Coles' brisk aplomb. As a result, she's a reality-perfect mix of hard-boiled journalist and fashionista. Coles may claim that fashion is actually about "keeping hundreds of thousands of people employed," but she also tells the Guardian that "if I'm having a bad day, there's nothing more fun than going into the closet and just inhaling the colour of next season's Oscar de la Renta or feeling the tailoring of a Calvin Klein suit." We are poised to love or hate at video editors' whims, but either way, it looks like this is a woman we need on our radar.

Reality Show To Anoint New British Fashion Queen of NY [Guardian]
Women's Mag Goes Reality TV [Breitbart]
CJR Audio: Joanna Coles On The Reporter's Life [CJR]

Related: 'Marie Claire' Editor Joanna Coles Has Huge Handwriting, Frontal Lobe

Eric Wilson of the New York Times says: Yes. "The allure is still there, as confounding as the inability to resist a pair of $1,600 Prada knee-high boots," he writes. But! Most of us can resist Prada boots. (Most of us do!) Still, Joe Zee, the creative director of Elle who plays a nastier version of himself on the ABC series Ugly Betty agrees: "This is one industry that remains very intriguing and mysterious," he says. "Magazines are about making beauty, and how that happens is fascinating to a whole group of people." People who aren't already sick of all the "OMG fashion is actually hard work" shows and movies which already exist, presumably.

But: Where Elle's Stylista was shot on a set, (the real offices were "too dowdy"), Running In Heels promises to be much more realistic. Writes Wilson:

Running in Heels, which is produced by Left/Right Productions, the team behind This American Life, the television version of Ira Glass's quirky public radio program, strives to be a more authentic representation of what happens at a fashion magazine than its predecessors… Nevertheless, following a similar conceit to its predecessors, the drama unfolds mostly through the actions of the three sacrificial interns, Ashley, Talita and Samantha, who were cast, it would seem, because of their sense of aggression, entitlement or insecurity, respectively.

Will viewers tune in for the Devil Wears Prada moments (one intern is left bleeding and hobbled by running errands in heels)? To see Project Runway's Nina Garcia at her real job? Or to find out what happens to the wide-eyed interns? Well, spoiler alert: None of them got hired. According to WWD, editor in chief Joanna Coles says the show was never meant to be a competition: "In this economy? No. We weren't raffling off a job." Perhaps the last word here should go to Glamour's editor in chief, Cindi Leive, who says: "Even a job in a glamorous industry involves sitting around in a lot of windowless conference rooms talking about budgets."

Messy Reality Behind Stylish Jobs [NY Times]
Tracking 'Running In Heels' [WWD]

As anyone who watches Entourage can tell you, Ari Gold uses Lloyd as his tiny punching bag and expects him to be on-call 24/7…sounds delightful, right? What's more baffling is the way these women see their ideal assistant: as someone super smart, super motivated…and entirely unambitious.

"I would much rather have someone who sees this as the job they want, who doesn't see it as a stepping-stone," says Jamie Raab, Executive VP of the Hachette Book Group. "And if you find such a person, you try to hang on to them, because training someone new about your likes and dislikes takes a long time."

Apparently the ideal executive assistant is some combination of life coach, spouse and mind reader. According to Aleksander:

What is what high-ranking executives describe as the X factor. It's not just about getting the phone and wrestling with the copy machine. It's about reading minds, anticipating needs, and calling France to find a cab when the boss is stranded on a Paris street."I'm looking for someone who can do ten things at once and doesn't mind when I start yelling in the middle of all that," says [Pamela] Liebman [CEO of the Corcoran Group]. "Someone who is even-tempered, really smart, and can figure things out without me always telling them what to do."

I understand why someone smart would agree to get yelled at and read minds for a year or two if it could get them a leg up in the industry of their choice, but seriously, why would anyone agree to this as a career destination? Also: is it a sign of progress or of demise when so many female executives admit that they freely scream at their underlings on a regular basis?

Office Life: A Great Assist [Forbes]

• "Linda Evangelista and Christy Turlington would go to big designers and say: 'If you don't want Naomi to be in your show, then I don't want to be in it'...Women of colour are not a trend...That's the bottom line." — Naomi Campbell, still fighting for the cause of models of color. [Vogue UK]
  
• Speaking of women of color: Liya Kebede is looking to diversify! The model will be launching a children's clothing line made in Ethiopia but sold in the United States. [Chic Report]
  
• Dylan McDermott on why he attended the Proenza Schouler show: "My publicist said I should come." We admire his honesty. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Saleisha from ANTM walked in the Tibi show yesterday. No one cared. [Fashion Week Daily]

• And this is why I can't get enough of wunderkind designer Chris Benz: "Fall was kind of inspired by the time when I was staying in the 8th arrondissement in Paris...and there were these amazing old women with their slips showing, who would wear a hat from 1952 that they just pulled out. It was very Carol Channing. This will be known as the granny collection!" (Though Benz told me at his presentation on Monday night that the collection was inspired by The Royal Tenenbaums, but whatevs.) [Fashion Week Daily]
• Natalia Vodianova isn't really retiring! Says the Russian model, "I think maybe I'll do one a year. I don't want to get rusty." [FabSugar]
• Marie Claire editor-in-chief Joanna Coles on the Halston show: "I actually thought a lot of the models were too young to wear the clothes!" Obvs. [Chic Report]
• Rihanna on why she designed her umbrella line for Totes, "We ladies hate walking around with clumsy umbrellas all the time." True 'dat. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Why Rachel Zoe claims to have not been at the Halston show on Monday, "I have five clients in town and my television show, and my day job comes first." Haha — bitch totally got fired. [WWD, 5th item]
• Through the magic of Facebook, spoiled teens (and bored bloggers who spend way too much time on Facebook) can tell all the world if they prefer Barneys to Coach and Marc Jacobs to Victoria's Secret. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Cole Haan's new CEO wants the label to re-invent itself and become super-cool. LOL! [WWD, sub req'd]
• In case you still haven't heard: The economy's really bad. Which is why Macy's is thinking of consolidating its regional operations. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Liz Claiborne has sold Laundry by Design and C&C California to Perry Ellis. We hope they're happy together. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Ralph Lauren's net income: Up by 2%. People still love that stupid little polo horse? [WSJ]
• Wish you were at Monday night's Chloe Sevigny for Opening Ceremony launch party? Pretend that you were with this video. [NYT]
• And watch the Proenza Schouler show for yourself here. [Sassybella]

• Carrie Bradshaw in Burberry in Sex and the City movie ads: Potentially even more damaging to the brand than the chavs? [Vogue UK]
  
• Quick turnaround! Halston redux will be available on-line on Net-a-Porter the day after its runway show next week? Says Net-a-Porter chairman Natalie Massenet:"I am sure this will be a shock to the brands that specialize in knocking off some of the talent in the fashion industry. They had their cake and have been eating it for a while." [Vogue UK]
  
• All employees in the Tod's group were just given a $2,000 bonus by Group head Diego Della Valle as an "I'm-Sorry-The-Italian-Economy-Is-Bad-Right-Now" gesture. Um, are you reading this, Mr. Denton? [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• Cynthia Rowley: Now designing for Target. [WWD, 4th item]
  
• ThreeAsFour: Now designing for the Gap. [Fashionista]

• Louis Vuitton, not content to merely assault us with logos in magazines, on billboards and plastered across half the luggage in LAX's baggage carousels, is producing television commercials now too. [WWD]
• Since the stars have no awards shows to go to it looks like many will be coming out to New York for next week's fashion shows instead. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Alberta Ferretti has inked a fragrance licensing deal with Elizabeth Arden; the label's premiere scent is set to launch in spring 2009, with a skin care line to follow. [WWD, 1st item]
• Ralph Lauren just opened a new endoscopy wing at the Ralph Lauren Center for Cancer Care and Prevention in Harlem. We never knew that Ralph was all into helping cancer patients in Harlem! [WWD]
• The Spring 2008 Nordstrom campaign is all artsy and highbrow, with paintings done by Ruven Afandor. Paintings done by Ruven Afandor on models, that is. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Marie Claire editor-in-chief Joanna Coles on the reasoning behind the pre-Fashion Week dinner she threw: "The designers needed help and the models needed feeding." [Fashion Week Daily]
• More from PR pro Kelly Cutrone on preparing for Fashion Week: "Mara Hoffman...refus[ed] to show before 2:21 p.m. on February 2 as the moon would be void, off course (of course)...Araks will show first, immediately followed (after 2:21 p.m.) by Mara. I call Mara and ask, "What is happening astrologically?" She replies, "Mercury is in retrograde." [Chic Report]
• No shocker here: More and more people are buying clothes from Amazon.com. [Times of London]
• How bad is the economy? So bad that lipstick isn't even selling. And lipstick sales are supposed to go up during a recession. [AdAge]

Related: Women Persist In Plastic Surgery Treatments That Are Not Working, Research Says

• Angelina and St. John calling off their collaboration? The word on the street is that the rich folk knitwear company is going to be ending the Mother Teresa Of Hollywood's contract as the face of their design house after this year. Which invariably means there going to take a turn towards old and frumpy again, image-wise. Fun! [PopSugar]
  
• Marie Claire's Joanna Coles is now officially on our shitlist. The editor-in-chief was overheard saying to a security guard at the Gucci show in Milan, "You need to let me in. You need to let us all in. I'm from Marie Claire in the U.S. Do you know how many credits we give Gucci every year? This is unacceptable!". [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Jil Sander is going to write a tell-all/memoir about her career in the fashion industry. Gonna be hot. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Rihanna is the latest celebrity to think she's a model (walked for D-Squared) and, worse yet, the latest celebrity to think she's a fashion designer. Oh yeah sure she hasn't exactly found a company to attach her name too, so, uh, possible partners gp ahead and line-up to back her "something edgy" line. [WWD, 2nd item]

• Why did nary a single celebrity attend the Fendi show in Milan? Because they're all coming for the 2nd showing next month on the Great Wall of China Obviously. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Martha Stewart wears Simply Vera Vera Wang for Kohls? Like, whoah! [WWD, 2nd item]
• "Alberta is such a sweetheart, I just want to hug her and never let her go!" says Marisa Tomei of designer Alberta Ferretti. [Fashion Week Daily]
• A fashion show without models? Oooh. We like. [Fashion Week Daily]

I'm a total magpie. I stole the idea from a spring issue of 'British Vogue'. It would never dawn on me to look at 'Jane' magazine for ideas.

Marie Claire's So Jane [Radar]
Earlier: 'Marie Claire' Sees 'Jane' As Role Model, Requests Model Rolodex
'Marie Claire' Editor Joanna Coles Has Huge Handwriting, Frontal Lobe

The lower loop of "Joanna" is HUGE. This mirrors the size of this writer's imagination. She can come up with novel ideas and then has the initiative to go out and bring the ideas to reality. Her creativity must include other people. (Initiative is indicated by breakaway strokes at the end of Joanna and the end of Coles.) She will "break away" to get her dreams accomplished. Still, there is a most unusual sign of cautiousness in the breakaway stroke (it is far longer than most). Her caution keeps her grand imagination from getting out of hand.

There is a large upper loop that may indicate a mystical bent. She is probably open to new ideas (the reasonably open "e" in Coles).

There is a double loop in the "o" in Coles. This writer may blow certain matters out of proportion (like a big fairy tale).

Take the magazine's regular front-of-book feature 'Shopping Deconstructed' — seen at right — which purports to explain to readers why being fashionable costs so damn much. The August installment breaks down a pair of Diesel 'Rancho Deluxe' jeans, presenting an insider's view of the stitching, fabric, and little details that make the 'Rancho Deluxe', so, well, luxe. (Check out the video accompaniment to the feature here; is it just us or does shopping editor Zoe Glassner get a slightly-scary second-degree from Marie Claire's editor in chief, Joanna Coles?) The implication of 'Shopping Deconstructed' is that, with a few well-placed call-outs, Marie Claire can prove there's a good reason why anyone should want — nevermind spend — over half a grand on a pair of denim pants. "Rust-colored ferric oxide lends a patina of bygone luxury to the inside lining" explains one call-out. "Each all-metal (no nickel) zipper tooth is polished by hand" says another.

Well, congratulations to Diesel designers for their unabashed creativity — yes, we own a few pairs! — but honestly, so what? Fashion editors can gush about handiwork and "airdrying" and "four-hour" washes and "antique" treatments until they turn blue in the face. Doing so still doesn't mean — or prove — anything. The problem remains that women's magazine editors who purport to "serve the reader" often do exactly the opposite, even with stories as seemingly benign but inherently dishonest as 'Shopping Deconstructed'. In fact, due to their fear of taking a stand against expensive shit, editors send a tacit message of approval to advertisers that they can continue to push overpriced consumer goods down everyone's throats. Because when the majority of the fashions featured in a magazine fall on the outrageous end of the price scale — and yes, Marie Claire shows some "cheaper" jeans in a denim feature in the same issue, although the average price of those jeans is still a whopping $153 — that majority becomes the new "normal". And yet there's nothing normal about $550 jeans (o $153 jeans, really) no matter what Marie Claire editors, assorted Hollywood style 'icons', or the executives at Diesel, Habitual, or Miss Sixty would have us to believe. Maybe it's time for magazines like Marie Claire to just drop the charade altogether and subtitle their fashion features "For Average Household Incomes Of $100,000 And Up". At least then they'd be honest to readers and keep the class-conscious luxury advertisers happy at the same time.

The Masthead With Marie Claire: Episode 14 [MarieClaire]

There, on page 162, is a fashion editorial about "Flashy Minis, Shiny Bags And Strappy Heels" titled, "Party Patrol! How Lohan Can You Go?".
Ha ha! How Lohan Can You Go? We're well aware of hypocrisies inherent to women's magazine publishing — how else to explain editors who instruct us to love our bodies in one breath and how to "Lose 10 Lbs Fast" with the next? — but this is kinda ridiculous. Lucy, honey, let us buy you a drink sometime. We'd even find a babysitter but we know your nanny is aces. And it'll totally be ix-nay on the ashleehay impsonsay osejobnay. We promise!

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle [The Brian Lehrer Show, 3rd item]
MarieClaire
Related: Ashlee's Nose Job Is Last Straw For New Editor Of Marie Claire [NYTimes, sub req'd]
Panic At Hearst As Marie Claire Tanks [Radar]

First Impressions:
Editor-in-Chief Joanna Coles: Sharp, stylish, well-prepared (that hair dryer!) and probably terrifying in person.
Executive Editor Lucy Kaylin: Sexy as hell.
Joyce Caruso Corrigan, Editor-At-Large: Too much Botox.
Genevieve Nonsma, Deputy Beauty Director: Typical beauty editor! Pretty, icy, totally unfazed by shameless plugging of Sunsilk hair care products.

Burning Questions:
Did Entertainment Editor Dana Stern want to laugh or cry when Joanna asked her about stints in rehab?
Who was the picky celebrity who hated all 50 dresses the magazine brought to a cover shoot? Is she the same "ballsy" actress Joanna refuses to put on the cover again?
Did Joanna actually take that enormous hair-dryer with her into a fashion show?

Are we on the mark? Do you have the answers? As always, drop us a line and let us know what's right and what's left.

Episode 8: The Masthead With Marie Claire [YouTube]