• A woman from Arizona may be forced to fly more than 300 miles away from her hometown to give birth, because her local hospital insists she must have a c-section. Joy Szabo had a c-section for her last child, and the hospital claims that doing a vaginal birth after a c-section is too risky. •  According to a British study, less than 33% of men wash their hands with soap after going to the bathroom. In order to increase the number of hand-washers, researchers suggest placing messages above bathroom sinks, which either shame the person into washing, or gross them out ("Soap it off or eat it later"). •  A man from the UK - who the Daily Mail dubs "Cruel Graeme Conroy" - has been sentenced to 18 months in jail for forcing a 3-year-old girl to smoke cigarettes. Conroy had a 14-year-old girl film him while he forced the young child to chain smoke five cigarettes, "as a joke." •  A Missouri ninth-grader has been arrested for making a website that called a classmate a "slut" and said she "would be better off if she just died." Missouri is cracking down on cyber-bullying after Megan Meier's suicide. • A woman who was raped as a 13-year-old is speaking out against rape kit backlogs after her kit sat untested for twenty years, much longer than the statute of limitations for her case. • A Berlin brothel is offering an "eco discount" to johns who walk or bike there. • PUMA Amy Siskind says "President Obama seems largely tone-deaf to women and women's issues," and praises the Republican party for "promising stars" like Sarah Palin. • But Jimmy Carter is bullish on Obama, saying that he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize "as much as anyone who's ever gotten it for his achievement already," and that "he's spelled out an agenda that can be adopted by others in Europe and around the world to lead toward increased peace and human rights and the alleviation of suffering. Those are all tangible contributions - even though the fulfillment of all of them has got to require time to realize." •

On the Republican side, Michael Steele has written an op-ed for Politico, in which he says, "As an African American, I know what racism is and that is not racism." I can't dispute that Michael Steele has an experience of racism that I, as a white woman, have no clue about. But I certainly can dispute his logic when he says, "It is becoming increasingly clear that some in the Democratic Party need a serious history lesson. Slavery was racist, Jim Crow laws were racist, segregation was racist – opposing a radical political agenda is not."

Without even getting into the implication that if it's not as bad as slavery and segregation, it doesn't count as racism, let me say I agree with Steele that opposing a radical political agenda is not an intrinsically racist act. The problem with his framing here is that our president does not have a radical political agenda. Our president is, in fact, a centrist who's increasingly pissing off his progressive base. The notion that he's a secret socialist, or that a health care reform proposal designed to increase market competition and regulate only the most monopolistic and downright evil business practices is somehow radically anti-capitalist, is pure bullshit. And it's pure bullshit intended to stoke the fears of those voters already predisposed to assume they cannot trust the president. That mistrust is, of course, largely a function of decades of Republican deception about Democrats in general, but the suggestion that racism is not playing a crucial role in arousing baseless suspicion of the current president is an expression either of willful ignorance or craven politicking. I'm going with number two.

And that goes for the Democrats as well. I can understand perfectly well why white Dems up to and including my beloved senator Dick Durbin are all over the news this morning saying, "Racism isn't the issue at hand, nothing to see here, move along folks." I can understand why Obama is distancing himself from Carter's assertions. Because discussing race makes white people fucking crazy. (Be assured that I include myself in that.) We don't want to examine how racism operates systematically, regardless of whether we as individuals use the N-word or have friends of color. What we want is reassurance that we are good people — and that good people by virtue of their very goodness will never, consciously or unconsciously, behave in racist ways or perpetuate racist systems. So politically, it's wise for Dems from Obama on down to offer that reassurance to the white electorate. There's a mid-term coming up and all.

But those of us who aren't running for office should still be taking this opportunity to discuss why that's the politically savvy move even for liberals, why we crave that reassurance more than an open discussion of racism, why we automatically give the benefit of the doubt to the person saying, "There's no bigotry here" instead of the one saying, "You know, I think there is." Or why we keep making arguments like, "Oh, all of this has happened/would happen to a white president, so it's not racist" without acknowledging that it's impossible to make a useful comparison when our sample size of presidents of color is 1. Why is the default assumption that white people are not behaving in racist ways — again, consciously or unconsciously — when we live in a country that has only had equal rights on paper for a generation? Not to mention a country where the latest meme about Joe Wilson's outburst is that Obama started it — by being a poor guest. (Here in the Midwest, we also prioritize being a gracious host, but maybe etiquette's different in South Carolina.)

Thankfully, Jimmy Carter is not running for reelection, which means he's not shutting his big, fat, beautiful mouth on this subject. Yesterday, he continued his commentary about race and racism, telling students at Emory University in Atlanta:

When a radical fringe element of demonstrators and others begin to attack the president of the United States as an animal or as a reincarnation of Adolf Hitler or when they wave signs in the air that said we should have buried Obama with Kennedy, those kinds of things are beyond the bounds.

I think people who are guilty of that kind of personal attack against Obama have been influenced to a major degree by a belief that he should not be president because he happens to be African American. It's a racist attitude, and my hope is and my expectation is that in the future both Democratic leaders and Republican leaders will take the initiative in condemning that kind of unprecedented attack on the president of the United States.

It's not racism, it's being an American [Politico]
In the race from race, Democrats rebut Jimmy Carter [Politico]
New GOP Meme On Joe Wilson: Obama Started It! [TPM]
Carter again cites racism as factor in Obama's treatment [CNN]

• Is Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox's friendship in trouble? A source says:

"It seems like Courteney and Jen's close friendship has chilled in recent months, and it comes down to their lifestyles not gelling anymore. Jen is almost a workaholic who spends her free time dating and hunting for Mr. Right, while Courteney is happily married and busy juggling work and motherhood." [MSNBC Scoop via National Enquirer]

• Oh, God. Real Housewives' Bethenny Frankel has landed her own show, Skinny & The City. Viewers will get to see her planning her wedding to fiancé Jason Hoppy, and, presumably, learn all about her "naturally thin" recipes. [Page Six]
• LAPD were called to Mischa Barton's home in West Hollywood at 3pm yesterday to assist with a "medical issue." She was escorted from her apartment to an unknown location. Mystery abounds. [Daily Mail]
• Oh wait: Mystery solved. Mischa Barton was taken to the hospital due to complications from oral surgery. Apparently she was in too much pain to drive and asked to be take by police, hoping the paparazzi would leave her alone. She'd previously had impacted teeth that had to be removed from her jaw bones. [ONTD via RPulse]
• Mariah Carey will shill sing her new single, "Obsessed," on America's Got Talent. [UPI]
• Amy Winehouse was granted a "quickie" divorce from Blake Fielder-Civil today, on the grounds of her adultery. [Mirror, AP, Mirror]
• How is Jessica Simpson since boyfriend Tony Romo broke up with her a day before her birthday? A source says she "was really blindsided" and is "sad, mad, and confused." [People]
• Lauren Conrad wore a brunette wig for a Harper's Bazaar photo shoot and "day-long experiment." She says: "I went into a wig store and tried on a brown wig, and they all laughed at me. All these women [who worked there] were like, 'You look like Hannah Montana.' Day to day, I can only do blonde. Everything else makes me look sort of plain-Jane." [People]
• By the by, Lauren Conrad is on the cover of Shape looking a wee Photoshoppy. [Perez]
• Paris Hilton has a new driver's license photo — after posing at the DMV five times. [TMZ]
• Kim Kardashian was detained at customs in Johannesburg, South Africa, when she couldn't find her passport. She claimed that she'd left it on the plane, but officials wouldn't let her look for it. Boyfriend Reggie Bush talked someone into letting him back on the plane, where he found the passport, and all is well. Kim Reggie and Khloe had been in Botswana visiting a diamond mine in league with the Russell Simmons Diamond Empowerment Fund, FYI. [E!]
• Someone broke into Orlando Bloom's home in L.A. and stole some "personal effects." Oh, no, not the Legolas wig! Anything but that. [People]
• Lovely photographs of Richard Gere and Carey Lowell's bed and breakfast in Bedford, New York. Gere says, "We're pretty open to just letting it flow and go where it wants to." [W]
• LL Cool J had one of those travel days from hell: First his flight from L.A. to St. Louis had to make an emergency landing in Kansas City, after passengers smelled smoke. Then, once the plane landed, one of the passengers was so sick everyone had to be quarantined for 3 hours. LL ended up ordering a car service. [TMZ]
• Q: What do you think has been Harry's greatest misstep or failure in judgment? - Susan Bevins, Winter Park, Fla. A: "Susan Bevins, you have asked a question no journalist has ever asked me. I think the way he treated his friends a couple of films ago was quite questionable. They're always there for him, and he was a little bit ungrateful. I think Harry is a flawed character. He can be quite selfish and really manipulative. He's not all sweetness and light." — From "10 Questions For Daniel Radcliffe." [Time]
• Check out the cover art of Whitney's Houston's new album: She looks regal, and not at all like someone who would say "crack is cheap." [NY Daily News]
• The good news is: Michael Jackson record sales continue to soar. [NY Times]
• The bad news is: A veteran prosecutor resigned from the L.A. district attorney's office after her supervisors found out that she talked about the Michael Jackson case on Larry King Live. [LA Times]
• Meanwhile, the DEA has contacted the manufacturer of Propofol, which is thought to be the cause of Michael Jackson's death. They're going through records and vial numbers to match the drug with doctors who have a connection to MJ. [TMZ]
• "Michael Jackson's death has the FDA considering labeling Propofol a 'controlled substance.'" [NY Daily News]
• Dr. Conrad Murray's lawyer would not confirm or deny whether his client administered Propofol to Michael Jackson the day he died. [TMZ]
• Rumors that Janet Jackson wants Michael Jackson's kids persist. "Janet is not only willing to raise those children, she is also the only relative who knows how to protect them," says a source. [MSNBC Scoop via Ok!]
• A guitarist who worked with Michael Jackson hours before his death says: "It still hasn't sunk in that he has actually passed, we're still in shock. What you see on the footage is what he was like to us. That was what was so shocking for all of us. We saw him dancing and singing and interacting and joking, having a great time, so excited. He wasn't sitting in a chair coughing and looking sickly. To be with him on the night before (he died) was hard." [Mirror]
• Michael Jackson was in negotiations to purchase an assortment of celebrity nude photographs before he died — people like Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Bonnie Parker, of Bonnie-and-Clyde fame. [Yahoo via E!]
• Joe Jackson's business partner in his new record label served 366 days in federal prison in 2001 — for conspiracy to commit extortion. Bad news. [TMZ]
• Tito Jackson says Michael Jackson is the biological father of all of his kids: "They are all his children. Blanket is Michael's, I can tell. Those eyes don't lie. Them eyes are Michael over again. I see a lot of Michael in him." Um, okay. [Mirror]
• Kylie Minogue got separated from her boyfriend in a bar on Tuesday night, so, when she found him, he slapped him in the face with a fan. [Page Six]
• "Steven Spielberg is on the verge of completing an $825m financing for his new film venture, nine months after he began looking for capital in the worst funding market in Hollywood's recent history." [Financial Times]
• Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher lived out a 007 fantasy by vacationing at the Ocean Club resort in Barbados, where Casino Royale was shot. Ashton requested to be picked up from the airport in a silver Aston Martin! [Daily Express]
• Want Bob Dylan/Jimmy Carter gossip? Click the link. [Page Six]
• Rapper Common is being sued for sampling someone else's song, even though he doesn't deny that he sampled the work and credits the sample on the track listing. [ONTD via Hip Hop DX]
• Griffin O'Neal claims his estranged father Ryan O'Neal had an affair with Alana Stewart as Farrah Fawcett was dying. [Daily Express]
• Cheryl Tiegs and significant other Dan Buettner: Broken up. [Star-Tribune]
• Brittny Gastineau says that in her scene in Brüno — in which she says "abort the baby," she was joking around. "I was spoofing myself. When I got there, I saw him, and I obviously knew it was him. I was like, 'Oh, this is funny. This is a joke.' I just went along with it." [Us Magazine]
• A theater in Ireland has left a recorded message about Brüno on its ticket hotline, which says: "Bruno is particularly vile. It leads to a hell of a lot of complaints. It will offend every prejudice in the book, believe me, so don't come on after and tell us how horrible it was. One or two have enjoyed it, though." A spokesman for the theater says, "We often leave jokey messages." [Telegraph]
• Whatshisname thinks Whatshername has sold out by doing a tell-all interview. [Daily Mail]
• Whatshisname says living in the public eye can be a mistake. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which now-married (but then-engaged) starlet hooked up with her geeky dreamboat of a co-star on the set of their film? Wisely, they frolicked in a soundproof room." [Gatecrasher]
• "It's a funny thing because what I've found is some of the wealthiest, most powerful people in the country are watching this show. I think it's because there is an underlying smartness that a lot of people don't get that relates to how most successful people rose to the top. You need that group around you; you need a couple of breaks and good fortune. That's what we try to tap into. To have Obama say he watches and gets it — well, he's got that same crowd around him, and it was an amazing thing to hear. Hopefully, it'll keep us on — at least through next year." — Doug Ellin, creator of Entourage. [Reuters]
• "It's almost career suicide to take a break and just not release music like I did. But to have people still care, I just don't know what to say and how to explain it. I'm just so happy because it validates the music I did in my 20s." — Maxwell, who had huge first-week album sales for chart-topping release Blacksummer's night and whose single, "Pretty Wings," is also number one. [USA Today]
• "I was homely [as a teenager], painfully small, short, with too much blue eye shadow because I thought, it matches my eyes, so why not? Trying desperately to fit in." — Amy Adams. [NY Daily News via Allure]
• "I want to do great movies that are number one at the box office and also independent movies that are dark and miserable. I see myself with a career like Cameron Diaz — she does What Happens in Vegas and then My Sister's Keeper, so I want to do it all!" — Kristin Cavallari, who when asked if she wants to go back to college someday, says: "I'm really happy with what I'm doing. I read a lot of books, you know. So, no. I have no urge to go back to college." [PopWrap]
• "It's wonderful. I grew up around gay people my entire life, basically, that's possibly why I'm quite camp, and some people think I'm gay when I meet them, which I think is awesome. It's always good to keep them guessing. I don't go on any blogs or chats or anything, but my friends are demons for them, and apparently someone said 'Daniel Radcliffe is gay. He's got a gay face!' I really don't know what a gay face is." — Daniel Radcliffe loves people thinking that he is gay. [Telegraph]
• "I'll say American for now. I really have no preference, though. Nationality is nothing. It's all about the girl - but she has to be curvy!" — Daniel Radcliffe, when asked if he likes American or Brit ladies best. [Gatecrasher]
• "Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don't, they'll think you make less than you actually do." — Brad Pitt, on online dating. [Mirror via Wired]
• "My dream role would be to play musical legend Carol Channing in a biopic of her life. I love her, I really do. she's amazing. With all the digital technology available these days, I could probably pull it off!" — Johnny Depp. [Gatecrasher]

[Washington, D.C.; January 7. Image via Getty]

WASHINGTON - JANUARY 07: U.S. President George W. Bush (C) meets with President-elect Barack Obama (2nd-L), former President Bill Clinton (2nd-R), former President Jimmy Carter (R) and former President George H.W. Bush (L) in the Oval Office January 7, 2009 in Washington, DC. On January 20, 2009 Barack Obama will be sworn in as the nations�s 44th president. (Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

• Hottie Obama speechwriter Jon "No Relation" Favreau is embarrassed tonight, after this picture of him cupping a cardboard Hillary Clinton's boob was posted on Facebook. Clinton spokesman Phillippe Reines stole our hearts, though, when he responded, "Senator Clinton is pleased to learn of Jon's obvious interest in the State Department, and is currently reviewing his application." [Washington Post]
• But is the picture faked? We've got some evidence after the jump.
• Meanwhile, Caroline Kennedy has apparently actually talked to New York Governor David Paterson about taking Hillary Clinton's Senate Seat after she resigns. Kennedy is, reportedly, definitely interested. [Huffington Post, MSNBC]
• Mitt Romney's wife, Ann, has a lumpectomy today for a Ductal Carcinoma In Sutu. It has not spread and she's already home with her family. Best wishes, Ann! [Politico]

• Joe Biden hired left-wing progressive economist Jared Bernstein of the labor-backed Economic Policy Institute as he chief economics adviser. He's the new Don Quixote of the Administration. [Washington Independent]
• U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan, who's been appointed all over the Bush Administration over the last 8 years, is refusing to do the traditional thing and resign her position in the Western District of Pennsylvania. Apparently, she wants to be able to file for unemployment along with the rest of us, so she's just got to be fired. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
• The Bush Justice Department reluctantly informed the Bush Defense Department that, despite the fact that the EPA is the least respected agency in the Administration, the Defense Department can't simply flip them the bird and refuse to clean up contaminated sites. The Defense Department then gave the Justice Department a wedgie. [Washington Post]
• Jimmy Carter says that we've almost eradicated Guinea worm disease from the earth, since cases are at all all-time low. Almost 80 percent of the 4,410 cases reported this year were in the Sudan, though. Do not Google image search "Guinea worm disease" unless you have a very strong stomach. [MSNBC]
• And, now to the photographic evidence that the Favreau-Clinton shot was completely faked. I, of all people, ought to know. It was me in the original.

From a sweater-clad Jimmy Carter telling Americans that turning down their thermostats at night would save more energy than any government program to Walter Mondale (correctly) telling Americans that the next President was going to have to raise taxes to resolve the government's debt, Americans have never been fans of the unvarnished truth. In fact, Reagan won every state in 1984 except Mondale's home state of Minnesota (and D.C.) in part based on Mondale's comments and despite the fact that he had already presided over tax increases. He then raised corporate taxes by almost half a billion over 5 years, not that most Republicans like to talk about it.

George H.W. Bush was the same way — he was Mr. "Read My Lips" one day and Mr. Tax Increases the next. Not that his son has been any different — once upon a time, he told Americans that he was opposed to "nation-building," felt that, if the military went to war, they needed to have a clear exit strategy from the beginning and that the goal should be to have the people of a nation build their own nation instead of Americans pay for it. Whoops.

So, how is it that Obama can get away with saying things like this:

People are going to have to embrace — revel in — the possibilities of a transformed energy economy. Over the long term it will mean a higher standard of living. But in the short term it means doing things we don't like to do — turn off lights, check your tire gauges, replace your light bulbs. Just being conscious of energy usage in ways other cultures, like Japan, have been for a long time because they're an island nation and just didn't have resources.

Let alone warning his Congressional allies to think small next year, not big:

So digging ourselves out of the fiscal mess we're in is going to be a big, big challenge, and it's going to require some tough decisions that will not always be popular — particularly when there's going to be a lot of pent-up energy among Democrats. If I win, every member of Congress on the Democratic side, and some on the Republican side, is going to have ideas about pressing needs and worthy programs. Trying to set some very hard, clear priorities is going to be tough.

Is it just that McCain's lies are so egregious that the truth sounds good this time around? Or are we finally so sick of being told crap we all know is untrue — like that Republicans are going to reduce the size of government and lower everyone's taxes — that we finally don't mind hearing a politician tell us that things aren't going to be sunshine, unicorns and rainbows?

And how hilarious is it that the candidate of Hope(TM) is the one telling us there won't be gold at the end of his rainbow?

Obama's Moment [Rolling Stone]

Related: Report To The American People on Energy [Miller Center For Public Affairs]
Thursday Video: Mondale's Pledge to Raise Taxes [Tax Foundation]
1984 [President Elect]
Reagan's Liberal Legacy [Washington Monthly]
Read My Lips [Tax Foundation]
George Herbert Walker Bush [MSN Encarta]
Campaign 2000 - Bush On Nation Building [YouTube]
Once Opposed, Bush Begins Nation Building [WCBV TV]
Searching For An Iraq Exit Strategy [Time]
Iraqi Government Expected To Have $79 Billion Surplus [Think Progress]

• Jimmy Carter thinks picking Hillary as a running mate would be "just about the worst mistake he's ever made." I'd say, something in the don't hold back tell us how you really feel Jimbo! vein but you know, duh. [Guardian]
• Political analysts and pundits the world over have hardons for Obama except Israel, where Jews are nervous he will sell them out and Arabs know better. [Wash Post]
• McCain sent a letter inviting Obama to debate him in a series of informal appearances in the lead-up to the conventions. This is the first good idea McCain has had in awhile and I think Barry should do it but I really fucking loathe the term "town hall." Like, don't you sometimes think if they just changed the name to something a little classier — say, "Oxford Union" or something like that — people might actually be challenged to ask intelligent questions? Just a thought. [WSJ]
• The last time the IRS busted a tax shelter scheme it got four billion dollars out of the deal but you'll surely sleep easier knowing some righteous judges are starting to take a stand in favor of the, ahem, "investment vehicles." [WSJ]

• The last time the IRS busted a tax shelter scheme it got four billion dollars out of the deal but you'll surely sleep easier knowing some righteous judges are starting to take a stand in favor of the, ahem, "investment vehicles." [WSJ]

• "Some think of Og as ruthless tyrant, splattered with the blood of his enemies. But me remember a gentler Og: modest and soft-spoken, splattered with the blood of a few close friends. With non-representational installation like Massive-Rocks-Arranged-in-Mysterious-Circle, we invite viewer to construct personal interpretation of monument, thus making powerful statement on subjective nature of memory. Besides, we not forget Great Bog War Memorial? When Shiny-Black-Slab first unveiled, it too condemned as pretentious and impersonal, and now it celebrated for quiet majesty." [NYT]
• Chris Matthews should probably stick to making grossly inaccurate, idiotic just-this-side-of-race-baiting "criticisms" about candidates he actually dislikes.[Media Matters]

• You know what I wish the media would do more of? Revisit 1968. So woefully underrated, that year. Anyway, apparently there was an unpopular war, and a bunch of Democrats competing to be the guy to end it, and there was a lot of bickering and faction-forming and blah blah blah assassinations and Nixon ended up getting the job. [Wash Post]

MOE: Okay, so here's a dumb question. When North Korean scientists visit Damascus to give them tips on the whole plutonium thing, what language do they use? There are probably a hundred different little cultural misunderstandings on those surveillance tapes that would make for an amusing screwball comedy.

MEGAN: Wanna bet they use English? The official language of nuclear proliferators since 1945!
MOE: Do you think they'd make it that easy on the spies? What if they used Latin?
MEGAN: Then the Pope would have to translate for us! He's into non-proliferation, since the only things he wants to see proliferate are Catholic babies.
MEGAN: Pig Latin, though, that might be hard.
MOE: Okay so maybe I should explain to readers that you are in my house and we are looking at the New York Post and trying to figure out whether we care about the Spitzer hooker scandal. I'm going with "no."

MEGAN: Yeah, I mean, without more details then liked to incorporate sex toys, I don't really care enough to speculate.
MOE: I don't even get what the story is other than his "fondness for hookers" was "corroborated" by a second hooker. Haven't we gotten this story corroborated by like 29 hookers at this point? Aren't we pretty much secure in the knowledge that Eliot Spitzer fucked whores? Yes.
MEGAN: I mean, but maybe he liked big dildoes shoved up his ass. Maybe, like most men, he liked to watch them masturbate? I dunno, I guess we just all like to watch something, and somehow people think hearing more about Eliot Spitzer nekkid and fucking is salacious.
MOE: I am sooooo over it it is like the porn you used to love that never does the trick anymore and you just can't get back the magic, no matter how desperate and/or drunk, except it involves Eliot Spitzer so ICK.
MOE: So I wanted to spend the day talking about Israel actually.
MEGAN: I mean, it's slightly less gross than a Normal Mailer sex memoir, but either's a bonerkiller.
MEGAN: Oh, ok. Israel. Um, I hear it's nice and wedding dresses are expensive there.
MOE: And the secret agreement they apparently had with Bush, on the basis of a letter Bush sent Sharon in 2004. I think the letter said something like "well you are there, and uh, you have nukes, so...what about we pretend we never had this conversation? Look, I already forgot!"
MEGAN: This doesn't surprise me, somehow.
MOE: Colin Powell emailed the Post saying he never saw the letter.

MOE: Also, I love this idea:
MOE:

Weissglas said that in 2005, when Sharon was poised to remove settlers from Gaza, the Bush administration made a secret agreement — not disclosed to the Palestinians — that Israel could add homes in settlements it expected to keep, as long as the construction was dictated by market demand, not subsidies.

MOE: Oooh that's a good thought: also, where can I buy some distressed collateralized debt obligation containing some of the securities backed by Gaza mortgages now that we have this news? Kidding, I guess it's still a kind of a shady investment, huh. Better to invest in the kid supplying ammo to the Afghan counterinsurgency, no duh. But yeah, seriously, this isn't about Gaza, it was about other settlements I think? To sweeten the whole "get out of Gaza" deal? Don't you wish reparations would work on these guys? Come back to America, folks! We've got your housing!
MEGAN: But you can't grow olive trees pretty much anywhere but California... luckily, Stockton has a ton of foreclosures.
MOE: Between Condi and Colin Powell and Bush and the ambassador to Israel and Jimmy Carter it sure seems like America is the land of numerous conflicting Israel policies you know?
MEGAN: Wait, we're supposed to have one Israel policy? Other than "support at all costs regardless"?
MOE: Wouldn't it be cool if Obama gave a sort of "race speech," only in Jerusalem? Too bad he doesn't have any Jews in his family to "throw under the bus" for a good cause, so to speak. Oh wait, he probably does.
MOE: Still, it's kind of complicated once you go over there and realize there is really no basic uniting "all men created equal" business.
MEGAN: Not that such shit works here either.
MOE: Yeah but when you say such a thing in a speech it doesn't sound like you're necessarily on Ecstasy. Which by the way the Israelis control the trade of. (WHY DON'T THEY USE IT.)
MEGAN: Wait, so ecstasy is made in Israel? Did you know we have a free trade agreement with them?
MOE: No actually I didn't know that. It never occurred to me actually. I don't spend nearly enough time thinking about trade negotiations. When's that date back to? What's their big export, besides Dead Sea salt scrubs and such? I'm such a dumbass.
MEGAN: It's more than 20 years old, actually!
MOE: I think I noticed that the Dead Sea salt scrubs were not really any cheaper over there than they are here but then I figured that QVC was a much bigger purchaser of such things than the Massadah Duty Free Shop and attributed it to that.
MEGAN: I could use a good salt scrub right now, actually.
MOE: There's some in the shower!
MEGAN: Hooray! I need one of those too.
MEGAN: So, the Israeli FTA is older than NAFTA, and doesn't have labor or environmental provisions but I'll bet neither Clinton or Obama wants to renegotiate that one.
MOE: Does it say anything about employment discrimination? Anyway. I guess we should quickly address the election. I mean...peace in the Middle East...not like we're going to get much clarity on this topic! Oh, you know what I decided would be funny? If the Syrians and the North Koreans decided to find an obscure language with which to communicate their nuclear plans and they randomly chose Yiddish.
MEGAN: Which is also really similar to German.
MOE: And somehow no one in all of Mossad knew what they were saying and they had to get some guy with a giant furry hat to translate and he purposely fucked up the translation and...I don't know. ELECTION.
MEGAN: Right, election.
MOE: Today is the day that all the columnists come out and say HILLARY CAME BACK, OMG, OBAMA'S LOSING STEAM, HE CAN'T WIN, SHE'S CAPTURED THE HEARTS OF THE DEMOCRATIC ELECTORATE, SHE'S SO MUCH BETTER AGAINST MCCAIN I'm totally over it. I wasn't at all surprised by her margin in Pennsylvania, and neither was anyone, and I'm happy for her that she raised some money on this "momentum" but I'm sad for America because this is getting ridiculous.
MOE: It's all Karl Rove to me.
MEGAN: I mean, I think pundits have to keep filling space and controversy makes for good space. On the other hand, she's still losing the delegate race and the popular vote race and even if she counts Florida she's not ahead, soo... Now, if he loses NC and Indiana, then he's fucked.

MOE: Thomas Frank: What exactly is he doing on the WSJ op-ed page? Does Rupert Murdoch have a soft spot for his eviscerations of late capitalism or is he friends with Peggy Noonan? Anyway, I want to have his babies etc. A long time ago I was dating a dude who not only remembered Valentine's Day, he bought me Commodify Your Dissent as a present. He is now married. (Let it be a lesson!) Anyway as presents go it was nice to see Thomas Frank in the papers and Bob Novak glowering in the corner.
MEGAN: Really, really working, If I'm ignoring you, it's because you're not talking about work and thus I am ignoring you.
MOE: Why is Novak always number one on the "Most Viewed List"?
MEGAN: I think Bob Novak lacks the ability to do anything but glower.
MOE: No dude he rules the most emailed list!
MEGAN: I think he hires those Chinese services that will click over and over to drive up your page views. They're really cheap, apparently.
MOE: Hey can you explain to me what Jimmy Carter is doing with Hamas?
MOE: I mean, I guess he is trying to broker some sort of piece but I haven't been able to click any of the links, mostly because of laziness.
MEGAN: Trying to maintain a sense of political relevancy? Fucking with Bush? Helping McCain win the election? Umm, overestimating his own diplomatic prowess?
MOE: Rick Santorum is on Fox News incidentally.
MOE: Warning America that Barack Obama is not a uniter.
MEGAN: Charlie Wilson was on MSNBC.
MEGAN: Like, the real guy, not Tom Hanks. But Rick Santorum is smarmy.
MOE: WHOA holy shit.
MEGAN: Also, I guarantee he's got dentures. And I would not hit that.
MOE: I just scrolled down on the Thomas Frank thing.

He will begin a weekly column each Wednesday in the Journal on May 14.

MEGAN: Wait, so, like, he'll have a weekly column starting in a month? I don't understand newspapers really.
MEGAN: Also, it is apparently a Tom Petty morning on MSBNC.
MOE: Yeah I guess but Thomas Frank? In the Wall Street Journal? Fuck...
MEGAN: Well, it makes more since then Bill "The Joker" Kristol in the motherfucking New York Times/
MOE: Ooooh, quick quiz! How many times since he won the nomination has John McCain been photographed wearing a flag pin on his lapel?

MOE: No takers?
MEGAN: But he doesn't have to because he's a war hero! And he's not a Muslim! And his middle name isn't Hussein! And he's not a Democrat, which means he is, by his very political affiliation, a patriot (if not a nationalist). Being a Republican is like having the American flag tattooed on your soul which is singing along to Proud to Be An American while your heart beats a military tattoo.
MOE: And being Barack Obama is a kitchen sink full of Yellow Peril!

MEGAN: Ooh! Ooh! Did you see? One of her foreign policy advisors, Richard Baum (who I'm gonna guess your dad intellectually opposes) resigned from Clinton's campaign because of her China-bashing?
MOE: Do you understand the subtle subliminal message Obama was trying to summon when he used that esoteric kitchen sink metapor? Because I think all the elitism made it fly over my head
MOE: Yeah Dad? I dare you to economically oppose this:

"Our reasoning was that while China certainly bears a share of responsibility for these (and other) problems, much (if not most) of the blame, at least on the economic issues, lies elsewhere," Baum wrote in an e-mail. He attributed the problems, at least in part, to America's high level of consumption, deficit spending and selective trade protectionism.

On the question of human rights, Baum said he and others in the advisory group believe the Chinese leaders respond better to persistent advice than "self-righteous finger-pointing aimed at publicly shaming and humiliating them."

MOE: So wait, the Pope...the spin seems to be that he's made all those pedophiles the centerpiece of a PR coup! But is it "just words" so to speak?

Anne Barrett Doyle, a founder of BishopAccountability.org, an online archive of the scandal, said that by condemning only pedophiles and not those who kept them in ministry, "it was a signal to us he will take no action. He came here to achieve a public-relations triumph and he did it."

MEGAN: Actually, that's what totally struck me about everything he said about the pervs. Unless I missed it, and I'll admit that I sort of stopped paying that much attention at some point, I didn't hear him say anything about the pedo-enablers, which were as much a part of the problem as everything. The fact that the Catholics has pervs among their ranks? Forgivable, presumably. The fact that Church leaders decided to fight the slow decline of men entering the priesthood (with the exception of my grad school friend Marcos, which, congrats!) by keeping pervs in the priesthood and moving them around every time they get caught molesting yet another young kid is the problem that strikes at the heart of the Church's relationship with the faithful, IMHO.
MEGAN: It's just another example of the kind of hypocritical, bad-stuff-enabling blind, overly-hierarchical patriarchy that drove me from the Church in the first place.
MOE: Why am I seeing so few quotes from the pope himself? What does he sound like? What did he say actually? Am I the only one who did not know Frank Bruni is a foremost chronicler of the abuse scandal?

MEGAN: I did not know that about Frank Bruni. I mean, I didn't hear a ton of him talking (I skipped listening to the Mass, obviously) but he has a very, very soft voice. Kind of high-pitched. German-mixed-with-Italian accent. Not a great public speaking voice, but perhaps he's more forceful-sounding in German or Italian.
MEGAN: And on the abuse, he said something along the lines of "it was really bad" and then he prayed with the survivors that stayed Catholic and met with him!
MOE: Why is it news that Obama thinks McCain would be better than Bush? Isn't that sort of like saying McCain knows more about foreign policy than Spencer Pratt?

MEGAN: Because, apparently, you can't acknowledge that some people in the other party are better than others or something.
MOE: Ugh did you read anything in the Times magazine? I just remembered it was the green issue. I am pretty sure green issues would do better if they made them some more synthetic color like neon orange. But anyway, the nation's railways are apparently expanding for the first time in ever. No way, right?! But it turns out their fuel efficiency for freight is 3x better than that of an 18-wheeler.
MEGAN: That's what the CSX commercial tells me, anyway.
MOE: Oh my god and file this under CNN reporters you could actually totally see walking through Central Park in a crystal meth haze.
MEGAN: I am sooooo sad about Richard Quest. Meth is bad, people, bad! Its use is correlated in the LGBT community with a rise in the incidences of STIs including HIV.
MEGAN: Also, it's nasty on the teeth. Oh, Richard. Please don't! Who else will I get my breathless Royals coverage from?
MOE: Well aren't we just all PSA today. Yeah, an increase in dumb behavior results in an increase in things that you get from engaging in dumb behavior. And yeah, if your teeth weren't British before...speaking of I have a case of Adderall mouth I should attend to.

MOE: Tomorrow's the primary. I think I'm voting in it. There's supposedly all sorts of horrible negative ads. Have you seen any of them?
MEGAN: You should totally vote in it. Are you going to Philly for it? Did you know I'm there covering it for Glamocracy?
MOE: Peggy Noonan thinks Hillary is finished and her campaign is officially in the red. Peggy loved a speech she gave but thinks she needs four more years to overcome the whole pants thign.

She'll need more than four years to shake off the impression she made in 2008. And this is how you'll know she's making another bid for the presidency. She will wear skirts. Gone will be the pantsuits that made her look like a small blond man with breasts. It's the new me, I wear skirts! Her first impulse is to think cosmetically. A long and weary life in politics has left her thinking this is the way to think.

MEGAN: I try not to watch political ads because I kill enough brain cells with drinking.
MOE: The Bush twins are apparently going to be at the 92nd St. Y tomorrow night, so I might come back up.
MEGAN: She looks like a small blonde man with breasts? Peggy, please.
MOE: I dunno

MOE: I kind of love how carried away she gets:

The other is elitism, a charge that clearly grates on him and unnerves his wife, who has a great deal that would be attractive in a first lady (intelligence, accomplishment, beauty) but lacks placidity, which is, actually, necessary. All first ladies, first spouses, should be like Denis Thatcher, slightly dazed, mildly inscrutable, utterly supportive. It is the only job in the world where "seems slightly drugged" is a positive job qualification.

MEGAN: Well, if you came down tonight, we could Crap on Philly tomorrow morning and you could be back in time for the Bush twins.
MOE: Hahaha you want to come to my polling place?
MEGAN: Wow, so Nooner's a Laura Bush fan? I prefer my political wives be actual humans.
MEGAN: That would be hilarious! Where's your polling place? I could take pictures of Democracy In Action!
MOE: It's at 12th and Federal, a South Philadelphia social club with a name that translates to "Home of the Crazy" I think...um...and speaking of, is all they're talking about on the non-Fox News the Weather Underground?
MEGAN: Sixties radicals play big with the still-think-we-coulda-won-Vietnam Fox News viewership. Pat Buchanan is yelling on MSNBC.
MOE: About the weather?
MOE: Michael Moore just endorsed.

I haven't spoken publicly 'til now as to who I would vote for, primarily for two reasons: 1) Who cares?; and 2) I (and most people I know) don't give a rat's ass whose name is on the ballot in November, as long as there's a picture of JFK and FDR riding a donkey at the top of the ballot, and the word "Democratic" next to the candidate's name.
Seriously, I know so many people who don't care if the name under the Big "D" is Dancer, Prancer, Clinton or Blitzen. It can be Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Barry Obama or the Dalai Lama.