Peter Lindbergh shot an entire editorial without recourse to that particular computer program, except for minor color-correction. Kristen McMenamy, Tatjana Patitz, Nadja Auermann, Claudia Schiffer, et. al., also posed without any hair products or makeup.

And they predictably look fantastic. Does this spread in any way address the constant barrage of unrealistically altered images of women in the fashion media? Only obliquely, at best. And the skincare peg — all the models are shilling their supposed favorite spas and products — is a little annoying. I worry sometimes that these non-Photoshopped editorials are becoming more of a stunt than a corrective; French Elle had one, also shot by Lindbergh, and even Life & Style ran a Photoshop-free cover, of Kim Kardashian. How awesome would it be for a fashion magazine to state, as a matter of editorial policy, that excessive and unrealistic retouching will never find a home in its pages? That adjusting the white balance in post-production is fine, but that rhinoplasty-by-liquify-tool and 80 gazillion layers of changes are not? That would be a magazine worth buying.

Which is not to say that it isn't still wonderful to see images of real women at a variety of ages, images that haven't been "fixed" beyond recognition, even if these spreads are annoyingly presented as the fashion equivalent of Very Special Episodes. Shalom Harlow, pictured here, has always been one of my favorite models, and shots like this prove she of all people doesn't need post-production smoothing and sculpting to look bewitchingly beautiful.

Karl Lagerfeld shot this editorial, notionally inspired by Peggy Guggenheim, in Venice with Lara Stone and his latest boytoy, Baptiste Giabiconi. (Baptiste gets to wear boy clothes in this one, amazingly: Lagerfeld has a habit of styling his favorite hot young thing in women's wear and heels.)

Lara often looks kind of severe and disapproving — Cathy Horyn once compared her to Lurch — but the Gugg-inspired blonde clown hair in this spread sure isn't helping her.

These sunglasses, which if you look closely you can see are the shape of a bat spreading its wings, belonged to La Dogaressa (real, and awesome, nickname) herself.

It wouldn't be fall without some kind of a generalist "New Shapes" spread. This one, shot by Camilla Akrans, stars Kendra Spears and Katie Fogarty, who are aged 20 and 17, respectively, and accompanies text by Suzy Menkes. Representative quote: "THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: It could be time to go green. Rethink jade."

Of course, Madonna's bunny ears get a shot.

It also wouldn't be fall without a long, studio-shot editorial of a model — Karmen Pedaru — jumping dazedly.

There is, however, a beautifully shot Glen Luchford editorial, starring the spooky Eniko Mihalik.

And Siri Tollerod turns up with Richard Burbridge to do one of those perennial accessories editorials where the fashion magazines try and convince their readers that even when it's fall and the mind turns to tweed, we will still somehow feel like wearing acid brights and neon and "pops of color."

Oh, look: Our old friend Jean-Paul "I have jungle fever" Goude. Styling Naomi Campbell in leopard print, racing a cheetah across the serengeti, really is daring and original.

Naomi rides an elephant. Like a real African Queen.

She jumps rope. With monkeys. Monkeys.

We all know that black models have been lamentably absent from mainstream fashion magazines and runways. But all that shoots like these do is draw offensive similarities between black women and wild animals, and reiterate, in pictures, the old colonialist assumption that black people are savage and uncivilizable. Naomi Campbell isn't from Tanzania, she's from Streatham; at what point does having a British woman wander around the African wilderness, performing truly awful received ideas of how African women behave, for a publication with a majority white audience, verge on minstrelsy? Having no black models represented in magazines is a problem. But is this kind of representation actually worse than being totally ignored?

Then, Naomi perched on the back of a crocodile — this shoot was obviously not Photoshop-free — while wearing a Dior haute couture crocodile jacket and pants.

Interestingly, the Jean-Paul Goude shoot is followed in the magazine by a 14-page Peter Lindbergh editorial starring Chanel Iman and Arlenis Sosa. The theme? The Harlem Renaissance. This shot of Chanel was taken just outside the iconic Lenox Lounge, on Lenox just south of 125th Street.

Chanel and Arlenis, who are photographed carrying trumpet cases and singing into old-fashioned microphones, make pretty great foxy jazz musician dames. And while the Harlem Renaissance is kind of a cliché — and the period doesn't really have much discernible connection with life in the Harlem of today — it's nice to see a period with a black cast mined for interest in a fashion magazine, rather than just another all-white editorial about the Summer of Love or Studio 54.

Besides, the setting is the perfect way to set off the 1940s looks so many designers have turned out for this coming fall.

Can anyone identify this block? I want to say it's one of those gorgeous brownstone streets south of Marcus Garvey Park, but it also could be Strivers' Row. Either way, it's gorgeous.

The commitment to period realism does falter slightly in places: Sylvia's restaurant was founded in 1962.

And if you look really closely in the magazine, you can see the Fairway supermarket, just under the elevated rail line. In all, though, it's a beautiful shoot.

I don't think I even want to investigate the subtext of Harper's Bazaar using a milk-pale blonde British model as a stand-in for a black American pop megastar; let's just reiterate that this spread, which was obviously thrown together at the last minute, unfolds like an uninspired afterthought. And also the clothes suck.

Jessica Stam and Benjamin Alexander Huseby pop in for an editorial all about gardening, and fall tweeds of the sort that Little Edie would have loved.

Nobody does sublime eccentricity like Stam.

And Magdalena Frackowiak has an editorial all about shopping, photographed by Terry Richardson. Seeing her play a ditzy society lady with more credit than sense would be funny, if the photos weren't desperately captioned things like "SHOP: SAVE JOBS!"

In an accompanying article, by Derek Blasberg, about the macroeconomic imperative of increasing consumer spending, Margherita Missoni says: "It was cool to talk about the recession — which I found extremely annoying. But it seems not that people are no longer embarrassed to have good things." Thank god that recession thing is so over! God, that was such a drag!

I will leave you with images from Harper's Bazaar's Sesame Street-themed shoot, which features models Sessilee Lopez and Tao Okamoto. It's Sesame Street's 40th anniversary this year, so the magazine sent designers down to where the air is sweet.

This shot of Oscar de la Renta with Oscar the Grouch might actually top Harper's Bazaar's awesome The Simpsons fashion spread. Maybe.

• Fran Drescher is launching a skincare line — called FranBrand — this fall on HSN. The products are organic and paraben-free, because, as Drescher puts it, "Women are schmearing stuff on their décolleté, wondering why we're all getting breast cancer..."

• "...Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep. So I'm sounding the alarm." Drescher, a survivor of uterine cancer, founded the organization Cancer Schmancer. (And she also taught us to love Loehmann's.) [The Cut]
• As we learned yesterday, London Fog confirmed Gisele Bundchen's pregnancy by the roundabout way of announcing it had airbrushed her 5-6 month belly out of its latest campaign "to protect her privacy." But the outerwear brand also released a behind-the-scenes video of the shoot, which includes footage of the raw, unretouched shots as they appear on the computer monitor. A side-by-side comparison reveals exactly what London Fog thought wouldn't move units this fall. [SassyBella]
• Bar Refaeli is allegedly seeing Israeli multi-millionaire Teddy Sagi. Sagi owns a company that makes software for Internet gambling sites, and the nicest thing the Daily Mail can say about him is that he "has a lovely smile." The supermodel's relationship with Leonardo Di Caprio ended earlier this year. [Daily Mail]
• Liya Kebede addressed the UN Secretary-General's Forum on the topic of maternal health. Writes the supermodel, "In times of economic crisis, it is tempting to turn inward, to ignore or postpone the problems of the outside world and focus on ourselves. But, if we hope to thrive once again, we must realize that there are no outside problems in today's interwoven, globalized world. Each mother who dies leaves behind a devastated family and weakened community that will eventually, somehow, affect each of us. Each mother who dies deepens the financial and social strain on our world and puts economic recovery further away. Mothers are our best stimulus package because they invest in their families and in our collective future." [HuffPo]
• SassyBella unearthed footage of Karen Mulder hosting an E! special in 1999. The Dutch model encounters a new girl, who, when she introduces herself, turns out to be an 18-year-old Adriana Lima. [SassyBella]
• The first pictures of Rad by Rad Hourani, the Canadian designer's diffusion line, are looking pretty good, at least for those who were already fans of Hourani's unisex, pared-down rocker aesthetic. "This is exactly the same thing," as his main line, Hourani confirmed. Only instead of costing thousands of dollars it costs hundreds. We need more of this. [WWD]
• The writer of the sometimes entertaining, sometimes savage, always fascinating fashion blog The Emperor's Old Clothes has revealed himself — as New York designer Eric Gaskins. Gaskins, after 22 years in business, was this week forced to close his doors because of the economy. [NYTimes]
• And in September, Daphne Guinness is releasing a signature scent with Comme des Garçons. Only unlike most celebrity perfumes lines, this is actually the distinctive fragrance Guinness has, herself, been mixing for years. "I'll be in airports or in a taxi and the driver will say, ‘What are you wearing?'" reports the heiress. [WWD]
• Designer Hussein Chalayan is "weirded out" by models with clothing lines, like Kate Moss, Amber Valetta, Erin Wasson, and Elle MacPherson: "If you have a really strong sense of style and people want to aspire to being like you, I can understand that. But if you really are doing it just because you think of yourself as a brand and you haven't had the training and you know nothing about clothes, it kind of demeans all the training that designers have had." Chalayan thought Kate Moss's line for Topshop was a poor effort. "I don't think it represented her, and I didn't think she worked hard enough. I even told her to her face." How did la Moss respond? "She said, ‘Oh, I'm just trying to do a light thing; I'm not trying to do anything serious.' But I said, ‘That's not the point.'" [WWD]
• In which case, add Jessica Stam to the list of models who've raised Chalayan's ire. The Canadian just announced a collaboration with Rag & Bone. [Style.com]
• Vogue's Lauren Santo Domingo, on being told her boss Anna Wintour had worn flats to a party in the Hamptons: "I wonder if that means we can wear flats to the office now?" [The Cut]
• Fashion blind item: "Which fantastical designer has a new man? She's ditched her long term fiance for an artist with prime real estate." We're with the commenters on this: signs point to Erin Fetherston, who hasn't been photographed in public with her longtime fiancé, Hedi Ferjani, since late April. [Fashionista]
• Ali Wise, the Dolce & Gabbana publicist who was arrested for hacking into the voicemail of a woman who was dating Wise's ex boyfriend, is no longer a Dolce & Gabbana employee. Which must seem like the least of her problems: Wise is facing felony charges of computer trespass and eavesdropping. [WWD]
• A well-written parsing of W magazine's cover story on model Lara Stone: "The fashion industry — and, in turn, the fashion media — have such a warped concept of slimness that a model like Lara Stone is so much larger than her contemporaries that they feel the need to explain her presence. If Stone's body is such an outlier, what does that say about the rest of us? Worse, the magazine saw fit to issue the disclaimer that Stone 'is, it should be noted, a very lithe five foot ten.' Why, yes, do note that! As if there's the slightest chance someone is going to look at these photos and think Stone needs to, like, slow down on the Cheetos." [GlossedOver]
• Lagardère, the French publishing company that owns Hachette Filipacchi Media, which owns the U.S. edition of Elle magazine, has denied that it is in talks to sell the title to rival Hearst, as had been reported in yesterday's New York Post. [WWD]
• Scott Nylund, Beyoncé's design director, comes from Owatonna, Minnesota. Which is where you can see an exhibit that spans his earliest childhood sketches of women in dresses, to his college fashion collection, to his creations for Beyoncé. [StarTrib]
• Freja Beha Erichsen says Karl Lagerfeld's house in Vermont — which recently served as the setting for the fall Chanel campaign she starred in with Heidi Mount — is a serious farm. With horses and chickens and — spitting llamas. Erichsen also praised Chanel for providing food backstage at its runway shows, which a lot of brands don't manage to do. [W]
• Fashion Meets Finance, the terrible event for douchebags and gold-diggers, is back. It's happening August 6th in — where else? — Murray Hill. [FMF]
• Will Ferrell has a Nike sneaker coming out in Japan. It's inspired by Anchorman's Ron Burgundy, that lovable asshole we met, uh, five years ago. [HighSnobiety]
• Timberland lost $19.2 million in the last quarter, a worse-than-expected result that came off the back of a 14% drop in sales, to $179.7 million. [WWD]
• Shiseido was even worse off — its profits declined 57.8%. [WWD]
• Likewise Hugo Boss, which lost $21.17 million in the last quarter. [WWD]
• Bare Escentuals profits also slid 20% in the same period. [WWD]
• Competitor Avon's profits fell 64.3% on revenues that shrank by 9.7%. Revlon's sales fell 12.2%, and its total profits declined to just $200,000, from $19.9 million one year earlier. [WWD]
• Bucking this downward trend is Tod's — the Italian leather brand reported a 3.4% increase in sales for this first six months of this year. [WWD]
• Ann Taylor wants to cut $30 to $40 million in costs by "right-sizing" its organization. No word yet on the number of people who will be laid off. [WWD]
• Three members of a multi-million-dollar New York counterfeiting ring received prison sentences, and a fourth was sentenced to probation by a federal judge. Michael Chu, the group's leader, was in 2005 ordered to pay $7 million in damages stemming from an unrelated counterfeiting case involving North Face jackets. This time, Chu, who imported fake Nike, Chanel and Burberry products, was sentenced to prison for just over 8 years. [WWD]

But at least Bar is foreign. What was Cindy Crawford's excuse?

The episode featured 10 hot trends (as picked by Teen Vogue, which included friendship bracelets and jelly shoes, a trend that will seemingly never die), Erin Fetherston's tips on throwing a dinner party, and model Jessica Stam serving as a "recessionista rescue" by showing us how we can remain fashionable without spending money by…wearing things in our closets. The thing is, Jessica's closet is way different from the rest of ours. And while her idea of having a "bag swap" with your friends seemed nice, the bag she's holding in the segment is a Marc Jacobs Stam bag, which retails for about $1500.

• Did Ellen DeGeneres try to trick Mariah Carey into admitting she's pregnant? Mariah was a guest on Ellen's show, and after Ellen asked and got a vague response, she busted out the champagne, saying, "You don't have to answer that. Let's just toast with champagne." Mariah got flustered and said, "I can't believe you did this to me, Ellen," and pretended to sip the bubbly. Knocked up? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Someone's not pregnant: Sarah Jessica Parker in the Sex And The City sequel. Carrie won't be having a kid. "It doesn't seem as if that's going to be a choice she'll make… Michael (Patrick King, director) and I never talk about it. That doesn't mean that won't be part of the story. We just haven't figured it out. It feels a little bit manipulative to toss that into the mix, because she seems so pointed in a different direction." [Daily Express]
• Kanye West and hot hot model Sessilee Lopez: Is it on? [The Sun]
• Madonna has hired a specialist to help her "exorcise the memories" of her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie, from her home. The technique seems to involve throwing shit away. [Mirror]
• Madonna and A-Rod are in Miami together right now, having just landed in a private jet. [TMZ]

• What's this? Even though his ex, Cynthia, claimed Rodriguez would be spending Thanksgiving with Madonna, a source says A-Rod "has been in Florida for days" and "always had every intention of spending the holiday" there with his ex-wife and daughters? [People]
• In other news, Madonna's brother is going to direct a "teen thriller" called Twist. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Britney Spears wants to go back on the road again. She and her conservators have asked the court to allow her to go on a U.S. tour next year: She'd need to make deals with backup singers, roadies, venues, ticket brokers, etc., but legally can't make any of the deals herself. [TMZ]
• Britney will be in New York next week — her album drops Tuesday, so she's hitting Good Morning America, but it's also her 27th birthday. So she'll also have a "very private circus-themed" birthday party that night. Waiting for our invitation! [Page Six]
• The chick from The Rules is offering dating advice to Jennifer Aniston. Says Sherrie Schneider, who co-wrote the infamous dating manual with Ellen Fein: "Never mention Brad's or John Mayer's name in public. Also, don't say anything bad about John, like when you said he was missing a sensitivity chip. Never talk about Angelina or call her 'uncool', even if she was uncool. She does not exist in your world. You are going to be 40 soon. You have no time to waste if you want kids." What's that eyeroll emoticon again? [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Lily Allen and Agyness Deyn got strip searched when they went to Dubai. Lily says: "I knew I didn’t have anything on me so I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t paranoid, just terrified." Agyness agrees: "It was really traumatic. It wasn’t the best experience in the world, but it is their culture and you just have to respect it." [The Sun]
• Ivanka Trump sure is fueling those rumors she might get engaged to boyfriend Jared Kushner — she's guest blogging for Brides.com the first week of December, writing about her style and her jewelry line. [WWD]
• Model Jessica Stam is dating Austin Cregg, the son of '80s pop music icon Huey Lewis. He's facing jail time for marijuana possession and scrawling graffiti. [Page Six]
• An upcoming Law & Order episode will have a young male "supermodel" die in a way that is eerily similar to the way Heath Ledger did. [Page Six]
• Ricki Lake is on Match.com. Go Ricki! [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Oh no, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem might be on the rocks: They'd agreed to take a break from movies for a year, then he took a part in a film. She wanted to adopt a baby from India because she "admires Angelina Jolie." [ONTD]
• Pete Wentz freaked out when his wife, Ashlee was about to give birth: "Right before she went into labor, I was like, 'Oh, my god, I think I'm having a heart attack,'" he says. "My heart started beating real fast. You see your wife is in all this pain. And I don't know what's happening right now. She took care of me and made sure I was okay and then went into labor. That's why she's a saint." [People]
• For the second day in a row, a story about how Reese Witherspoon totally got along with Vince Vaughn while shooting Four Christmases. "Vince is the funniest person I've ever worked with. It was a challenge for me to stay there and keep up with him." The lady doth protest too much? [Yahoo News]
• Natalie Portman doesn't understand celibacy. [Page Six]
• Roger Friedman on The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: "Innovative, creative, technologically advanced… [Brad Pitt] is Gollum from Lord of the Rings meeting Robert Redford, with a better wardrobe." [Fox 411]
• Rachael Ray's Christmas will be a silent night: "I'm having voice surgery on Dec. 16, so we're going to celebrate very quietly," she says. [People]
• Are Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal's parents broke? [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge on Heidi and Spencer's elopement: "I am surprised and not surprised at the same time." Haha, because you know that they're contractually obligated to make headlines for Us magazine? She also says: "I do think it's very romantic that they eloped." [People]
• Uh-oh, director John Waters is being sued for adding "Santa Claus is a Black Man" to his Christmas album without permission. [Daily Express]
• Tragic: You know how Kanye West's mom died after plastic surgery? Her nephew, a registered nurse, was supervising her post-surgery care and may have left her bedside to attend a baby shower — he's being investigated. [People]
• Village Voice reporter Michael Musto hit the Milk premiere party, where Marc Jacobs told him he cried and shook his leg emotionally through the whole movie. "I'm for anything gay," the designer said. "The world would be a better place if everyone was gay." "Look, around," Musto urged. "They are!" Meanwhile, Carson Kressley said: "I'm lactose-intolerant, but I loved Milk." [Village Voice]
• TMZ the TV show: Renewed. [Yahoo News]
• File under news you can't use: Katie "Jordan" Price and Peter Andre sunbathe naked; Peter has a "brown willy." [Perez Hilton]
• Carson Daly has a girlfriend? And she's pregnant? [ONTD]
• U2, Jay-Z, Coldplay and R.E.M. are among the bands contributing music to (RED)WIRE, a new download service aligned with Bono’s (PRODUCT)RED campaign. [Rolling Stone]
• Don't know much about country singer Chuck Wicks, but he is "very much in love" with Dancing With The Stars' Julianne Hough, so that's nice. [People]
• Mel Gibson, what hast thou done? A Superior Court Judge wants you to explain why a screenwriter claims he was screwed out of $10 million from the 2004 megahit The Passion Of The Christ [Yahoo News via E!]
• TV chef Gordon Ramsay has made a "groveling apology" to his wife after admitting to meeting his mistress four times. [Daily Mail]
• "There's always someone telling you not to make a movie. When I did Born on the Fourth of July, they said, 'This is going to ruin your career. What are you doing?' Suicide? I’ve committed it. There were people who didn’t want me to make Top Gun. [My character], Stauffenberg, went from saying, 'Someone should shoot that bastard' to realizing, I’m the only one who can do it. You can’t really know until you're under that kind of pressure. I'm not saying this in some chest-pounding way, but I do feel I'd have that kind of courage." — Tom Cruise, defending his Nazi movie, Valkyrie, in Details. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "We came up with the idea Bronx. We've been throwing [ideas] back and forth a while. It's kind of cool to just leave the narrative what it is. People are stoked or pissed or whatever. And you're like, you know what: I don't think anyone really has the real story." — Pete Wentz on why he named his kid Bronx Mowgli. [People]

• DVF's comic book, Be the Wonder Woman You Can Be, is here! The party sounds kinda crap, tho. "The green tome was stacked about the space, as were special DVF Wonder Woman tees and totes. Per the theme, bright red Wonder Woman cosmos completed the standard drink offerings of champagne, white wine and sparkling water. PR girls including Olivia Palermo and Whitney Port helped check off names at the door, and mingled with guests inside." [Racked]
• Oh, the woes of celebrity! LiLo was simply too famous to get into the Alexander Wang show. “I wanted to go to his show so bad, but his publicist said they weren’t allowing any celebrities to attend,” she said. “So I said, ‘Consider me a normal person then!’ But they wouldn’t.” [WWD]
• Screw the polls. What do the ties say? McCain's Windsor knot "screams old-guard Washington establishment, like a bolo screams cowboy." And Obama? 'He most often wears his necktie with a four-in-hand knot, an awkward and asymmetrical cinch invented by 19th-century carriage drivers (who held four reigns in hand) and popularized by Dilbert-types looking for a no-hassle way to spruce up for work. "It's a knot for someone who has 30 seconds for his tie in the morning...a knot for the masses.'" [Newsweek]

• In deference to our straitened circs, Vogue's gift guide is going low-end: nothing over $500. [New York Magazine]
• Wearing Thierry Mugler sounds horrible, actually. Reminisces model Nadja Auermann. "He liked to work with me because I could withstand the torture of some of his more extreme runway looks. We both thought the same way—if you wear a look, you go with it all the way. Once, I was in a gold robotic suit that I had to be sewn into, and I wore it for about half an hour, and I could feel my circulation was getting blocked. I walked in the show, and all I could think was, Oh, my hips are going numb! But I am nearly at the end of the runway; I can make it!" [Style.com]
• Charlotte, the designing Ronson, is the new face of Sebastien hair care. "Charlotte will represent Trilliant, a product that makes tresses stylish and manageable, while flaunting her I'm-so-downtown clothing as Nylon]
• Burberry sales mysteriously up. [FT]
• Wow they really make this People Tree ethical fashion book sound dreary: Browse our gallery of their latest looks, feeling safe in the knowledge that your fashion conscience is unsullied." [Guardian]
• H&M sales drop a bit. [WWD]
• 20-year-old Dior Homme model Randy Johnston dies; no cause given. [Fashionologie]
• Want to hear about an "eyebrow transplant" in exhaustive detail? No? Don't click on this link. [ElleUK]
• Louis Vuitton apparently shocked that that Gorbachev ad isn't popular in Russia. [AdAge]
• Avon tries to tempt more Avon Ladies into the game by offering incentives like gas money, "direct access to financial adviser Suze Orman." [WSJ]
• Remember Jack from Project Runway? (Yeah, he left pretty quickly.) He just made a wedding gown covered in condoms for this "Condom Couture" event. [Blogging Project Runway]
• Just what you've always wanted: how to get Oprah's look. No, no, we said "riches."[USA Today]
• The first high-end J. Crew "Collection" store "encourages mixing modern items with vintage pieces, uptown and downtown looks, and evening attire with a dose of the more casual in the same outfits." For a price, we're guessing. [WWD]
• Here's the new Patricia Field Marks and Spencer line. [Fashionista]
• Now along withersatz SATC threads, you can buy gas at M&S too. [VogueUK]
• Allen Schwartz on his Penney's line: “Today, what is exploding is the antifit look, the crop look, the boy jean, ruffle blouses and the new harem pant. It’s very baggy, very ‘I Dream of Jeannie.'" [FabSugar]

The Moroccan doorway was left behind by a previous tenant. The antique chaise was found on eBay. Stam used interior designer Rafael de Cardenas, who had a vision that didn't work in Stam's original apartment. So she moved. If I sound jealous, it's because I am seething with envy.

A rug without soy sauce stains and a table free of the clutter of magazines and bills. How ever does she do it?

Everything is lovely, I just wonder it it's appropriate for a young model of 22. Is it fun enough? Young enough? Kicky enough? Maybe someone like… a writer… Around my age? Would be more comfortable here. Ahem. Sigh.

I know being a model is not just winning the genetic lottery. It's hard work! But dudes psyched to sleep with a supermodel don't want to see this calm, tranquil oasis with muted colors and 1930s wallpaper. They want mirrors and hard edges and leopard print. Sorry, Jess, better try again… I'll just take that custom headboard off your hands…

Elle Decor [Official Site]

• You, too, can look just like Kim Kardashian! The professional rich person, TV personality and cattle-driver is auctioning off a personal styling session to benefit Russell Simmons' Art for Life philanthropic event. Which is very laudable and all — but does nothing to explain why Kim's fashion savvy has already fetched a bid of $1,000! [LA Times]
• Justin Timberlake, reluctant muse, didn't want to be the face of William Rast. Unless, you know, he was in character. Says a Rast creative director: "We came up with this idea for him to play a role as this guy named William Rast. So it isn't meant to be Justin, it's Justin playing a role, as an actor. When we explained the idea, he instantly loved it and got really into building the profile of this character." [WWD]
• Correction! Kitson says that rumors that Victoria Beckham's men's denim line has been pushed back are 100% false and that the collection will appear at holiday time as originally scheduled. [New York Magazine]

• Naomi Campbell: "I'm not a bad person...I'm blessed to be able to do charitable work and good things but no one focuses on that because I don't throw it in people's faces." [E!]
• Naomi's also doing another bizarre SoBe Life Water ad. This time dancing to "Black Magic Woman." [Fashion Week Daily]
• Is Bravo deliberately sabotaging Project Runway? Folks have been noting that the normally ubiquitous posters have been MIA in the run-up to the show's final season before departing for the dowdier waters of Lifetime. Bravo execs say it's to preserve contestants' "anonymity" but such scruples have certainly never troubled them before...[Fabsugar]
• We have to wait a endless day for Project Runway to start. But the Australian version has already begun! As one of the commenters puts it, "the one guy with the hair reminded me of a smaller, nicer, less irritating Bobby Trendy." True, true. [Oh No They Didn't]
• eBay bests Tiffany in landmark ruling over counterfeit-policing responsibilities. [WWD]
• As Scott said, the rich are different from you and me. "Like the husbands who pay the bills — anything from £50,000 to £150,000 for an elaborately jewelled creation — these women don’t give tuppence for the avant-garde. They want a waist where God intended; they don’t want flashes in embarrassing places and are bemused by garments with three sleeves. They want everything just as it always has been — at least, since the 1950s. And Paris couture survives by meeting their needs." [The Times]
• More about Dubai's new "Fashion Island", aka "Hell." [MyrtusWe recessionistas like consignment shopping! Despite its "stigma." [Star Tribune]
• In case you were wondering: Jessica Stam, the 22-year-old model known for dating both Flea and DJ AM, has now hooked up with Huey Lewis' son, Austin Cregg. [Oh No They Didn't]
• Stock upgrade dramatically boosts Macy's shares. [WWD]
• Converse debuts the video for its much-hyped Julian Casablancas-Pharrell Williams-Santogold single, "My Drive Thru." The Times of London calls the song "a three-headed Frankenstein's monster of coolness." I'm keeping mum. [Brand Week]
• Wanna predict the market? Watch the runway shows. "Although designers always dismiss the correlation between skirt lengths and financial markets as a fashion historian's fantasy, the parallels are striking. Up went hemlines to dizzying heights in the financial and social whirl of the roaring 1920s - revealing women's legs for the first time in recorded history. Then came the bear market and bare was out - except for low backs on the floor-length gowns that dropped hemlines just before the 1929 Wall Street crash." Is it a coincidence that designers are quite literally tightening belts for fall? [IHT]
• Liberty prints take the high street. [ElleUK]
• It happened on this date: 1997, Gianni Versace murdered. [US News]
• Claudia Schiffer for Ferragamo. [Models.com]
• And for Dolce and Gabbana! [fashionista]
• Lauren Conrad on snubbing Marc Jacobs: "I met Marc Jacobs when we were filming and I got so nervous when I saw him that I didn’t really know what to do. I was trying to act cool, but I didn’t even stand up to shake his hand. I actually came off a little bit too cold, like I didn’t really care and I felt kind of bad. I get really starstruck over really random people and designers." [New York Magazine]
• British biker label Belstaff to outfit Batman. [ElleUK]

The Good:
Christy Turlington glows in a red dress in an unexpected silhouette.
Emily Mortimer went a little gladiator for the superhero theme.
Stella McCartney and Kate Moss shine perfectly.
Camilla Belle looks wrapped in clouds.
If I were Christina Ricci, I would never ever ever take this dress off. Ever. It is one of the greatest things I have ever seen. Love. Speechless. Sigh.
Diane Kruger looks a little bit like the Tin Man, but I love that she went for a short dress. Also, love love the shoes.
Iman. Always perfect. What else is new?
Kate Mara! Yellow! Yes! Yes!
Tom Cruise looks weirder than normal, but Katie Holmes looks fantastic, which of course I hate to say. But there's no denying all that red.
Dear Mischa Barton: Strip and give me that dress right now. Kthanxbai.
Please God let my face age like Natasha Richardson's.
Rachel Bilson looks like a total freak and I love. Clearly, she mistook "superheroes" to mean "Morticia Addams."
ScarJo is simultaneously old school and somewhat infantalized in her D&G but she looks hot, so good for her.
I still am not entirely sure who Taylor Swift is, but I like her chainmail-esque dress.
Sorry, you just can't hate on Victoria Beckham.
Emmy Rossum is a head-turner in this black-and-white floral frock.
Claudia Schiffer's dress is downright ethereal. Valentino is downright orange.
Ellen Barkin manages to always play it classy.
Jessica Stam is sorta a bad ass!
Michelle Trachtenberg? Or Liza at Studio 54?
Molly Sims must know my weakness for the color yellow.
Call me a crazy motherfucker, but Wendi Deng looks incredible.
Almost-goth Amanda Peet is fabulous.
Um, I love that Amber Valetta's dress has wings.
I totally heart you and your kick-ass black dress Ashley Olsen.
Can we discuss how awesome it is that Barbara Walters is there with Charlie Rose?
Claire Danes is sorta channeling Angela here, no?
This is seriously the best I have ever seen Fergie look.
Yeah, same for Hilary Duff.
Lake Bell went for it.
Lauren Bush is one class act in royal purple.
Margherita Missoni: Crazy-awesome.
Michelle Monahagan should only ever wear copper. Wow.
Paula Patton: Pretty.
Sofia's shiny drop-waisted number is delightful.
Tilda Swinton? Or Mr. Roboto?
Vera Wang and Karolina Kurkova play their metallics en suite.
Be my flamenco dancer, Ingrid van der Bosch.
Maggie Gyllenhaal knows you gotta go big or go home.
Venus Williams is a beacon of light.
Be still my heart, Zoe Kravitz-as-a-Clara Bow.
Bee Shaffer's dress is phenomenal. But why is Andre Leon Talley relegated to straightening her train?!

[Images via Getty.]

• Britney Spears was involved in a minor car accident Saturday night; no one was injured and no vehicles were damaged. [AP]
  
• Apparently Brit was in stop and go traffic, driving at about 10 m.p.h. and putting on her makeup before the accident. Brit passed a field sobriety test. [TMZ]
  
• Dr. Phil is so classy and generous! He allegedly posted bond for one of the cheerleaders arrested for beating a teenage girl on videotape because her grandmother told reporters she didn't have the money to bail her granddaughter out. Of course, that means that Dr. Phil would have "exclusive" rights to her story. [TMZ]
  
• But wait! It wasn't Dr. Phil but a production assistant from his show. Also known as a scapegoat. [TMZ]
  
• A source says "It's getting desperate" behind the scenes of Dr. Phil's show. Ya think? [MSNBC]

• "'Gangsta rap' was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. 'Gangsta rap' didn't exist." — Alicia Keys. [Fox News]
• Cate Blanchett gave birth to her third son, Ignatius Martin, on Sunday. She and husband Andrew Upton already have two sons: Dashiell John, 5, and Roman Robert, 3. [People]
• Ivana Trump got married! Male guests wore white and female guests wore pastel; the wedding cake was 12 feet tall; Donald Trump Junior threatened to kill his new stepdad. In a speech, Don Jr. said to Rossano Rubicondi: "You better treat her right, because I have a .45 and a shovel." [Gatecrasher]
• BTW, you probably knew this but Ivana is 59 and Rossano is 36. [Yahoo News]
• Does Pink have a new man? She was seen frolicking on the beach in Malibu with Todd Morse, a punk guitarist who plays in Juliette Lewis' band: Juliette and the Licks. Are the gonna make beautiful music together? [TMZ]
• Matt Damon, Thandie Newton and Joely Richardson were photographed destroying toys — meant to symbolize the destruction of childhood in Darfur. [People]
• Shaquille O'Neal filed for divorce from his wife Shaunie in 2007, but they were seen at the zoo together last weekend. Reconciliation? [Page Six]
• Guests at Jessica Alba's baby shower were asked to put on leather bracelets before saying a "life, love, health, etc" prayer; they're not supposed to take the bracelets off until the baby is born. [Page Six]
• Model Jessica Stam and actress Michelle Trachtenberg: Seen eating bread! [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which actress married to a power player is repaying his infidelities with a close friendship of her own with a sporting figure?" [Gatecrasher]
• A staffer at WBLS is claiming she suffered sexual harassment while working on the Wendy Williams show — from Wendy's husband, no less. [Rush & Molloy]
• Michael Lohan says daughter Lindsay hasn't visited her grandmother, even though grannie was in serious car accident last month. Plus, her grandfather keeps having heart failure, and LL hasn't seen him, either. [Rush & Molloy]
• Madonna has purchased a third apartment in the building where she already has a huge duplex, fueling rumors that she and Guy Ritchie will split. But seriously, real estate deals do not equal divorce. [The Sun]
• Harold And Kumar star John Cho and his wife, Kerri Higuchi, are expecting a child. [People]
• Desperate Housewives' James Denton is so hardcore: "My dog got bit in the face by a rattlesnake and almost died," he says. "A few weeks later, we were on the same trail and I saw a rattlesnake, and I knew it was going to bite someone, so I killed it. But I took it home and ate it." [Rush & Molloy]
• Kathy Griffin was seen in Beverly Hills shopping, hugging and holding hands with Britney Spears' ex, Adnan Ghalib. Probably for Ashton Kutcher's show, Pop Fiction. [Rush & Molloy]
• Uh, Adnan was attacked and stabbed Saturday night. He's okay, but WTF. [JFX]
• Brace yourselves: Heather Mills is moving to the US. [Mirror]
• Heather Mills was booed — loudly — at the Miss USA pageant, where she was a judge. [Mirror]
• Katie Holmes is hungry. [MSNBC]
• The media is being prevented from getting any details on R. Kelly's porn case, and, frankly, aren't you glad to be spared? [UPI]
• Salman Rushdie is dating Aimee Mullins, an athlete turned model. She's also a double amputee. [Times Of India]
• Before he went to jail last week, Pete Doherty went on a "bender" in Paris with girlfriend Irina Lazareanu. What constitutes a bender these days? Nonstop booze? Drugs? Both? [Mirror]
• Elle Macpherson was seen hitting on George Clooney. "Elle threw herself at him quite aggressively," says a source, "but the gigantic cold sore on her lip was not helping her." Catty fucking Daily Mail. [Daily Mail]
• Sienna Miller is so in love with Rhys Ifans she speaks Welsh to him: "Fy anwylyd, rwy'n dy garu di" apparently means "Darling I love you." [Daily Mail]
• Kylie Minogue's new album: A total flop in the US. [Reuters]
• JK Rowling will be in court in New York today to try and block The Harry Potter Lexicon, a guide to the world she created. Any intellectual property lawyers out there? Does she have a chance? [Financial Times]
• Law & Order star Elisabeth Rohm is a mom for the first time: A girl named Easton August Anthony was born in L.A. on Thursday. Rohm plans to marry her baby daddy, Ron Wooster, in October. Baby before marriage, the new hot trend. [AP]
• Apparently in 2006, two paparazzi offered Heath Ledger cocaine so they could film him and Heath got pissed. Ugh. [UPI]
• And yeah, a lawsuit has been filed. By an unnamed woman who might work at People. She's suing because the paps took control of a hotel room she paid for, used the mini bar and filmed her without her permission. [AP]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's nanny has written a parenting guide, with advice like: Placate a screaming child with candy. Revolutionary! [UPI]
• Amy Winehouse has canceled plans to begin recording her third album and might not release new music until 2009. And! She's addicted to ironing now. Yeah, ironing. A source says: "Not just her clothes but also towels, sheets, scarves. Anything really. She's a very obsessive person and has always been addicted to something." [The Sun]
• Amy won't be coming to New York to play the Metropolitan Museum of Art's annual Costume Institute Gala on May 5. Boo. [Daily Mail]
• Also, Amy is apparently still doing drugs and was seen snorting coke with Bob Geldof's daughter Pixie just a few feet away. [News Of The World]

In fact, Amazon lists 525,000 books on "style." Brinkley notes that most of these guides are targeted at women over 35. Edward Ash-Milby, a buyer for Barnes & Noble Inc. says, "I do think as our society ages, we'll see more of these books. It's a trend that continues to grow." So even though they've been at it longer than youngsters, middle-aged people don't know how to dress? Bullshit! But more importantly: Why is everyone a damn "expert" these days? Why does everyone think they have great advice? How can a woman whose job it is to walk FALL on a runway and still be considered the go-to authority on walking? And even though all of this "advice" seems pointless, why are lots of women buying it?

How to Walk Like a Model, Does This Book Make Me Look Chic? [Wall Street Journal]

Earlier: Valentino In Vogue: Models With Ennui Playing Invisible Croquet
Why Don't I Love Shoes? An Exploration In Photos

• Tomorrow night the new Bravo show Make Me A Supermodel premieres. It's hosted by Niki Taylor and Tyson Beckford, the latter of whom is um not exactly humble:"I used to shut the malls down. I was ahead of my time. I made the model a celebrity. It wasn't the celebrity that made the model but the model that made the celebrity. I used to pack kids into a mall and that's the frenzy I want to create with this show." Um, we were kind of more excited about Niki? [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Seriously, we can't tell Penelope Cruz apart from her sister Monica in their new ads for Mango. But whatever, they both look fucking gorgeous. [Daily Mail]
  
• Is D-Squared the new Dolce & Gabbana when it comes to borderline offensive ads? The Italian design house's spring ads feature female models in lieu of where crash test dummies should appear. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Wildly unacceptable fashion licensing deal of the day: John Lennon accessories. First up, neckties. Next: Boxers. Not kidding! [NME]

• Poor Dmitry Prut: Designed the logo for Nicky Hilton's clothing line in exchange for a little free press for his Miami art gallery, only Hilton forgot to ever mention that he designed the logo. Whoops. [Page Six]
• Lagerfeld-designed Fendi toys! [Fashion Week Daily]
• Gisele + Versace = Toned-down sophistication?! Whoda thunk? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Christy Turlington is back at work as the face of Chanel bags for spring 2008. [Sassybella]
• The fashion industry has its grumpy pants on now that the Golden Globes have been cancelled: However will they get tons of free advertising now?! [WSJ]
• The latest in free trade: Jewelry! [Reuters]
• In some sort of perverse thank you, the Spice Girls will be attending the menswear runway show on Monday in Milan of Roberto Cavalli, who designed their god-awful costimes on their current tour. [WWD, 1st item]
• British everything-under-the-sun store Marks & Spencer's isn't doing so well profit-wise, after having worked really, really hard to up their fashion ante. So they're going to stop paying so much money to Lily Cole and other models and instead are going to shift their focus to food. [Vogue UK]
• Designer Zang Toi's computer got hacked and an email got sent to everyone in his address book saying he was inviting them to join the hot new (faux) social networking site Gayguyschat.com. Who knew hackers could be fashion-obsessed queens? [Daily Mail]

It took a moment to recognize the menswear — that's how ambiguously gendered it is. There are jeans of many varieties: Skinny and black, black with silvery leopard-print graphics on it, regular dark washes which we assume are cut in the same manner of the jeans Mr. Cavalli himself was wearing: Deeply boot cut. There were silver-printed loafers, heeled boots, animal print scarves, skinny black ties, slim long-sleeve shirts in cream and navy, deep v-neck t-shirts in all sorts of colors. But best of all? The underwear: Boxer briefs in a silver and black print, black boxers that seem to have a strangely-long inseam in a tonal leopard print, and tighty whities that lack a penis flap (ooh maybe these clothes aren't for transvestite hookers, but transexual hookers!) and have "CAVALLI" printed in bold caps across the waistband. (If you or anyone you ever know buy and wear these please call me ASAP and report on the experience.) All the men's stuff looks like it could be worn by women, especially the tiny little tuxedo vests! We are really anxious to hear how it sells.

The womenswear was less exciting, in that it was every bad Cavalli stereotype magnified. It was more humorous than shocking. Or perhaps it was easier to laugh than look too closely, for fear of being traumatized by the hoochie dresses and even more animal print: Long leopard print dresses, short leopard print dresses, long snakeskin dresses, short snakeskin dresses. Leopard print heels. Leopard print bras and panties. Leopard print wrap dresses. Leopard print trench coats. Leopard print bustiers. Leopard print tights.

After an hour of perusing, Mr. Cavalli himself arrived, with model Jessica Stam, the face of the collection on his arm. Mr. Cavalli looks like an aging former drag queen. There is something distinctly feminine about his facial features, their roundness and fullness. His hair is mottled: A little gray, a little dark brown — a dye job gone bad perhaps? He wore giant sunglasses bearing his monogram, a black tee, a black blazer, and mom jeans. Baffling. When he entered the store, the H&M employees who filled the upper levels of the 5th Avenue store burst into applause, as coached before his arrival. Mr. Cavalli started talking in an indecipherable accent. Something about "animal print" and the world "celebration." Which made sense, given the circumstances.

It is a dream to me! I never imagined I would look to them [the throngs of people outside, some of whom had been there since 7 pm last night] as a rock star! My favorite is animal prints! This is a very exciting, very emotional day. This kind of energy, it makes my adrenaline very high. Perhaps when the store open, I will go outside to get away from the crowd. When designing this collection, I had to ask myself: What do they like? What are they expecting? And then I did that. Today is just today!

And at last, the clock struck 10. They opened the doors. And the throngs outside? They ran. They pushed. They shoved. They grabbed. They kicked. And I got the hell out.

• Poor Valentino! After watching various private equity firms duke it out for control of the fashion house he founded; telling the media over and over again that he is totally 100% absolutely not retiring; announcing his retirement; and then naming his successor, the guy finally manages to score the lifetime achievement award at the Fashion Rocks event in London last week... only to lose the statuette. (And then find it!) [I wonder if he prayed to St. Anthony, the patron saint of ignoring me. -Moe] [NY Post]
  
• LOLNaomi! Mlle. Campbell is to lecture to students at the Trinity College Philosophical Society in Dublin. Perhaps she will explain the finer points of resorting to physical violence to the world's oldest debate society? [Sassybella]
  
• Requisite retarded Karl Lagerfeld design du jour: a Chanel bicycle, complete with Chanel's signature quilting. [Vogue UK]

• Veronica Mars star Kristen Bell on designer Elie Tahari: "I have recently been exposed to Elie Tahari. His stuff is really classic, but at the same time he has gotten hipper." Spoken like a fashion critic! [WWD, 1st item]
• Model Watch update! Jessica Stam, Coco Rochas, and Kasia Struss will co-star in the Dior spring 2008 campaign together, combining the power of their incredibly well-remunerated faces to try and justify the cost of even more expensive shit. [WWD, 1st item]
• We are sorry to inform you that Dallas Fashion Week has been canceled. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Shoe designer Christian Louboutin, who would actually know what he's talking about, on Mary Kate & Ashley's new clothing line: "When I started my line, I did it little by little. But [Elizabeth and James is] very, very well-managed. More than anything else, it's very good." Go figure. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Kate Bosworth is the new face of Coach in China. [Fashion Week Daily]

• It's official, confirms Victoria Beckham: Roberto Cavalli (not Donatella Versace and not David Beckham, as had been rumored) is designing all the costumes for the upcoming Spice Girl reunion tour. Trashulous! [WWD, final item]
  
• Kanye West and artist Takashi Murakami are collaborating on a jewelry line together. [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• John Galliano is designing a line of children's clothing for Diesel. Ugh. [Vogue UK]
  
• Sienna Miller are her boyfriend are sharing clothes. How, um, progressive? [FabSugar]

• Holy shit, if you live in Paris and you're reading this please please watch Paris Premiere channel for us on your TV from Saturday through Oct. 12: Karl Lagerfeld is going to be "guest editing" the entire channel and thus filling the programming with whatever he fancies. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Stella McCartney, ever the do-gooder, is donating the wall of flowers used as the backdrop to her Paris show yesterday to some low-income housing community. We gag. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Kristin McMenamy, to whom you'll surely remember Tyra comparing Asperger's Heather to in the casting special episode of America's Next Top Model, returned to the runway for the first time in nine years for the Givenchy show yesterday. Sign from the gods that Heather will win this cycle? We think yes! [WWD, 3rd item]
• Remember how we mentioned the opening of the eco-friendly nightclub the other day? Says face of the project model Jessica Stam: "I'm not sure an eco-friendly nightclub is gonna fly, but it's raising awareness. Every little bit helps." Ohhhh it's a bad sign when you don't even believe in your own model hangout. [WWD, 5th item]
• The new $18,000 handbag: the $18,000 Lancome makeup kit. [WWD, 8th item]

• NY Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn continues to stick up for homeboy Marc Jacobs on her blog, disclosing that he personally dressed all of the models in his much-delayed show and that "if you're always under pressure, I suppose you're going to be more sensitive to the things you absolutely can control." Aw, tear? [NY Times]
  
• The Dress Barn's profits rocketed an amazing 38% this quarter. Um, what? Developing... [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Okay, we totally attended the wrong Fashion Week. Prince performed live at the Matthew Williamson show in London. [Vogue UK]
  
• Also at London fashion week: Courtney Love tripped Kate Moss, who went tumbling upon entering; someone spilled a drink on Anna Wintour; and Jade Jagger and Christian Louboutin were having "a private chat" (a private really ANIMATED and EXUBERANT chat, we're assuming) in the women's restroom. This is all at one party. [Vogue UK]

• Speaking of parties, the Christopher Kane afterparty was so good Agyness Deyn had to wait in line. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Things we did not know about Karl Lagerfeld that we learned just from reading a 300-word item about the forthcoming documentary about him: He has been sexually active since age 13, his family calls him "Shirley Temple," his bedroom looks just like mine, he talks trash about the former Chanel ("When I took on Chanel, it was a sleeping beauty. And not even a beautiful one. She snored'). [Vogue UK]
• Models/modelish types appearing in the Cavalli for H&M ads: Erin Wasson, Jessica Stam, Theodora Richards, Nicolas Malleville, Sean Lennon, Jane Schmitt, Lydia Hearst, Astrid Muñoz, Julia Restoin-Roitfeld, Anouck Lepère. [WWD, 1st item]
• Stella McCartney is adding a golf line to her Stella-for-Adidas label. Says McCartney, "I think it is about time that women who play golf can now echo what they wear in everyday life on the green." On our list of things it's about time for, this, uh, doesn't even make our pile of rejected ideas. [WWD, sub req'd]