[Hollywood, October 5. Image via x17.]

• Britney was at a middle school in The Bronx yesterday to present a $10,000 check for the music program. The donation came from Elizabeth Arden, which is behind Brit's fragrances, Believe, Fantasy and Curious. [People]
• Hey, guess who has another perfume coming out in December? [ONTD]
• So yesterday we read that Britney wanted to buy her sex tape from Adnan Ghalib. Today Adnan says: "There is no sex tape. I’m extremely upset and taking legal action." Um, against whom? Also, even if there is no "sex" tape, there's no doubt he has some footage of her dazed and naked. You just know it. Think about the state she was in back then. [The Sun]
• Oh here we go, more quotes from Adnan: "There is no sex tape, and I've never claimed there is one. I don't know where these quotes I'm supposed to have said have come from. What I do know is they certainly didn't come from me and they are completely false. I'm extremely upset and distressed and I'm taking legal action... This story has caused a lot of hurt to my family and people close to me. There is no sex tape. That is the end of the matter." [Star]
• OMFG: Did LC hook up with JustinBobby behind Audrina's back??? [E!]

• Lily Allen's friends want her to go to rehab, since she drinks too much and always feels depressed. Sniff. [Perez Hilton]
• Tina Fey's Palin videos are getting big traffic for NBC's website. And she's not even an SNL regular anymore. [MediaWeek]
• The Heather Locklear/Jill Ishkanian story is long and complicated, but it seems to involve Denise Richards. [Jossip]
• Did you know that Charlize Theron makes a shitload of money just for wearing jewelry? [The Smoking Gun]
• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo: Winter wedding? [The Superficial]
• Have you seen this video with Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Benicio Del Toro, Laura Linney, Eva Longoria, Leo DiCaprio and ton of other celebs encouraging you to vote? [People]
• There's also a video with Demi Moore and Ashton and "Barack Obama." [Perez Hilton]
• David Beckham spent the whole night drinking with some guy he thought was Rex Lee — Lloyd from Entourage — but it was just a prankster. [Mirror]
• Shia LaBeouf: Injured again, this time above the eyebrow, by a prop on the set of Transformers. He got stitches, then it was back to work. [Perez Hilton]
• Bianca Golden, the America's Next Top Model contestant who had an airport showdown with Nikki Blonsky and her family this summer, has spoken out for the first time about the incident to Tyra Banks (of course!). Bianca says Nikki was rude to her family from the beginnning and that "her father … punched my mom. He knocked her out. He hit my mom with such force she stumbled back, and when she stumbled back, the whole family got up and attacked my mom." Then the Blonsky family supposedly yelled racist remarks at the Goldens. DRAMA! [Perez Hilton]
• Jamie Hince, Kate Moss's ex, went to a psychic in L.A. after a "massive drinking session" and had to be helped out the place. Did the clairvoyant see a reconciliation in her crystal ball? [The Sun]
• Word is Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady will get married very soon. A friend says: "I don't think they will even bother getting engaged — and will just slip off and marry quietly." [Perez Hilton]
• Russell Crowe gained 63 pounds for his role in Body Of Lies. He says: "I'll have that cheeseburger for breakfast, thank you!" [UPI]
• A women's shelter cut headliner Sandra Bernhard from its annual benefit after she said Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin would be gang-raped if she ever visited New York. Jokes! [AP]
• Russell Brand wants to sleep with Helen Mirren. "She's so sexy and enchanting, just look at her form." They're going to be working together in a new film version of Shakespeare's The Tempest. Russell says: "I'll be all over her. I don't know how I'll get any work done." [Mirror]
• Is Holly Madison heading for The Hills? She was seen partying with Lo, Brody and Frankie. [E!]
• Jane Kaczmarek says even though she and hubs Bradley Whitford are television stars, their family only has one TV in the house. "We don't watch much TV," she claims. "We're big readers." [UPI]
• Were those nude Marilyn Monroe photos that are the subject of a lawsuit found in a garbage can 35 years ago? [AP]
• Robbie Williams is working on an aliens-inspired album, and has been writing alien-anthems at a UFO camp in Trout Lake, WA — a hot spot for alien encounters. [Perez Hilton]
• You know how Courtney Semel smacked a security guard in Vegas back in August? She's getting off with just paying a $250 fine. [TMZ]
• A cookbook from rapper Coolio? LOL! He says: "I'm a gourmet chef. I have my own YouTube channel for cooking. I do a lot of healthy fusion food - I do Black Italian - Blitalian, Black Asian - Blasian, Black English - Blenglish and I'm about to try Black Scottish - Blottish. I like traditional food and putting my own twist on it." [Daily Express]
• Get your tie dye out, Phish is reuniting. [Newser]
• Rickrolling has brought Rick Astley back into the public eye, and he's up for an MTV Europe Music Award this year, although he has never been nominated before. [BBC News]
• Behold: Luke Ledger, Heath's cousin. Also an actor. [News.com.au]
• Here's a funny little story told by actor Sir Michael Gambon, about Johnny Depp meeting the Queen. [Telegraph]
• Ang Lee is working on a comedy about Woodstock. The 1969 concert, not the tiny bird who's friends with Snoopy. [Reuters]
• "I think my only trick is… be normal and kind of have your shit together. And be consistent and reliable. Just not a flake. Really, the thing is, not to be a superflake. Don't be an asshole. Don't be supercocky. Don't be a show-off. Everyone for some reason feels the need to show off." — David Spade, on how he gets so many chicks. [Radar]
• "I definitely think there's more opportunity in television to a certain degree. But I don't know that there's as much opportunity for a lot of people of color to spread their wings because sometimes it came be very limited. But there are so many filmmakers that are willing to take more risk, and do color-blind casting — that's how a lot of things have come to pass for me […} You can get shafted both ways — you can be too American, or you can be too Chinese. It's a very difficult combination to be neither/nor, or either/or. It's nice to be able to embrace all cultures and to jump from one thing to another, which is kind of the whole reason for acting, to transform yourself, you know?" — Lucy Liu. [Wall Street Journal]
• "I have a great guy that's been around me for 15 years and he likes to yell at me every time I come into the office. He's a cranky old man. I love him. He is a Jungian therapist. He's taught me to listen to my psyche, be aware of what is going on and to make great choices." — Pamela Anderson. [Guardian]
• "The film is particularly painful for some people to watch. They keep hoping for a different ending. The great thing for me as an actor is I get to play all that anger on screen. So I don't have to live with it." — Kevin Spacey, on his flick Recount, about the 2000 election and the hanging chad debacle. [Independent]

[Los Angeles, September 30. Image via x17]

• After nine days in a burn center, Travis Barker has been released from the hospital and is heading back to L.A. By bus. A friend says: "He will never fly again – ever." [People]
• Shanna Moakler is sticking by her ex-husband, because they still love each other. Also: "He's not in good shape," a source says. "It's very serious." He's headed to a hospital in the L.A. area. [People]
• Here's a picture of DJ AM, who left his home yesterday to attend a memorial service for Travis Barker's assistant. AM has clearly visible burns, but seems to be able to walk. [TMZ, People]
• Actress Joely Fisher and husband Chris Duddy have adopted a baby girl from South Central Los Angeles. The infant is an African-American girl they've named Olivia. A family friend says: "Joely and Chris were inspired by Angelina and Madonna's decisions to adopt a baby from Africa. But after looking into the adoption process, they realized there were so many children in the L.A. area who needed homes." Word. [Star]
• What's this? Brad and Angelina looking to adopt a kid from a Latin American country? Two months after having twins? Ay dios mio. [Daily Mail]

• Christina Applegate talked to Oprah about her double mastectomy. She says she didn't cry at first. "And then when I met with my doctor and I told him that was my decision and he brought the surgeon in and it was like the flood gates just opened up and I – I lost it." [People]
• Janet Jackson canceled her concert in Montreal on Monday after she "got suddenly ill." She was rushed to the hospital. Think it was a hangover from Jermaine Dupri's birthday party? As you'll recall, he vomited on her lap. [Yahoo News]
• Robert Redford on his late friend and co-star, Paul Newman: "This was a man who lived a life that really meant something and will for some time to come." ABC News]
• Here's a collection of quips by Paul Newman. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Miley Cyrus decided to take over Disneyland for her 16th birthday bash, but the date she wants happens to be the Gay Day celebration at the theme park. So: Miley in, gays out. [Perez Hilton]
• Britney may have won an MTV award for her "Piece Of Me" video, but she doesn't even think it's that great. "It's a cool video, but I think by far I've done videos that are way better," she says. "So I was really shocked that ... it got the award." As were we, dear. As were we. [AP]
• Despite what you might have heard, there is no Britney sex tape. Says a source close to Britney. [E!]
• Britney's in New York, btw. [The.Life Files]
• Plug your ears: Jessica Simpson is going to sing on Dancing With The Stars. [UPI]
• Naomi Watts turned 40 on Sunday, and she got a big present from her man, Liev Schreiber: A Mercedes-Benz Bluetec, the new, environmentally friendly luxury SUV. [E!]
• Two people involved in an accident that injured Shia LaBeouf were charged Monday with giving police false information about the wreck. There was a young couple in the other car; apparently the woman said she was driving, but the man was behind the wheel. [Yahoo News]
• Lauren Conrad: Seen making out with My Boys actor Kyle Howard. [E!]
• LC and Audrina are not "Top Friends" on MySpace. But trying to make news out of someone's MySpace mood is dumb. [Perez Hilton]
• All My Sons was the highest-grossing (non-musical) play on Broadway last week. Is Katie Holmes to thank? [AP]
• Ashlee Simpson sleeps with so many teddy bears there's hardly room for Pete Wentz in the bed. [Perez Hilton]
• Eva Longoria continues to wear flowy tops and drink water instead of cocktails; gossipers continue to speculate that she is pregnant. [E!]
• Three words: Katy Perry doll. [NY Mag]
• Madonna's concert at Wembley stadium ran over the time allotted, so she has to pay a £135,000 fine. Pocket change for Her Madgesty! [Guardian]
• David Beckham will be a character in a series of books that will bring children to reading through, um, soccer. [The Sun, Telegraph]
• The "poor" chick on Gossip Girl hangs with high society in real life. [Page Six]
• Renee Zellweger and Harry Connick Jr bring an uplifting movie about a breast-cancer drug to Lifetime. [Village Voice]
• Does Sophia Bush read Jezebel? In Health magazine she says: "It's weird: In our business, I'm a size 2 and considered curvy. It's important to remind young women, 'Listen, even skinny girls have cellulite, even Halle Berry has cellulite, and what you see in photos isn't totally real.'" [People]
• Keira Knightley does not drink, do drugs or smoke (really?) but she does curse up a storm. "I've a foul mouth like my mum," she says. [Mirror]
• Shocker: Black people like singer Robin Thicke even though he is white. [Newser]
• Traci Bingham is bringing a new show to Fox. "It's like America's Next Top Model," she says, "only they'll act, and perform and be athletic, as well." The difference is that Traci won't make fun of the contestants like Tyra does: "Don't you hate that?" [E!]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck is "really upset" about the election conversations on The View, and Barbara Walters has had to call a powwow with Hasselbeck, Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar. Can Babs make the ladies work it out? [Perez Hilton]
• Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers just enrolled as a freshman a the University of Southern California. He'll be studying music, of course. He should have gone to a Catholic school, since Catholic schoolgirls rule. [Perez Hilton]
• Demi Moore is suing a magazine that printed pictures of her and other celebrities at an Oscars party she hosted. [News.com.au]
• Country singer Mindy McCready will surrender to Tennessee authorities on today to start a 60-day jail sentence for violating probation on a previous drug-related charge. [Yahoo News]
• Kevin Costner will release his first album with his country-rock band, not that you give a shit. [People]
• More bad news for Ed McMahon: He's being sued by Merv Griffin's company. [USA Today]
• Ellen Burstyn has joined the cast of Showtime's Possible Side Effects, a drama set inside the world of the pharmaceutical industry. Tim Robbins is writing and directing. Diagnosis: Good! [Variety]
• Sadie Frost has swapped fashion for filmmaking. Her short film is about an evil nanny who terrorizes a single mother and daughter. [Mirror]
• "I've just written my first screenplay. It is pretty incredible to finish it — the first draft. I got somebody to teach me — there’s a programme called Final Draft. I had someone come round my house and teach me how to use it." — Geri Halliwell. [The Sun]
• "Listen, I’m a reasonable human being. If people pay me enough, I’ll stop playing my music." — James Blunt. [The Sun]
• "I convinced myself I was pregnant when I was 13 and I hadn’t even got my period. There are so many rumours and also so much wrong information being passed around, so it is a really important message the World Contraception Day is trying to give out. I am not the kind of person who talks about my sex life, but I am not afraid to talk about contraception. I go three, maybe four times a year to get tested for sexually transmitted infections and most of the time I don’t even need to. I just go for peace of mind." — Kelly Osbourne. [The Sun]
• "I’ve written some really, really deeply sexual things on some of the cards I’ve given him for opening night. But just to wind him up, you know. He’s great. He’s a truly remarkable man. You know, if I was gay or a female I’d, well, just want to marry him." — Daniel Radcliffe on his Equus co-star, Lorenzo Pisoni. [Daily Star]

[New York, September 10. Image via INFDaily.]

• Daniel Radcliffe tells Details magazine that he lost his virginity at 16 with an older woman! He says the age difference "wasn't ridiculous" but "would freak some people out." What age would freak you out? 21? 31? 41? [Daily Mail]
• Also from Details: "I think part of me would love to play a drag queen, just because it would be an excuse to wear loads of eye makeup." — Daniel Radcliffe. [MSNBC, UPI]
• Joe Francis has had a new assistant since his release from jail in March: She is Holly Montag, Heidi's older sister. Apparently she is running his life. Joe says: "Holly is fantastic, probably the best assistant I have ever had." The Montag family, so classy. [Page Six]
• Holy crap! OK! magazine has a double cover for the first time ever. Democratic on one side, Republican on the other. Obama and Palin are the new Britney and Lindsay. [MSNBC]
• Us Weekly has a Sarah Palin cover too. More on this in a verrrry interesting Midweek Madness. [Us]

• Two men from Malibu have been charged with misdemeanor counts of battery for attacking a paparazzo who was snapping pix of Matthew McConaughey surfing in the Pacific Ocean in June. Officials say the two dudes threw the photog in the water from where he was taking pictures on the beach. They each face up to six months in jail and a $2000 fine. [Reuters]
• Hilary Swank is set to "pack on the pounds" to play the lead in French Women Don't Get Fat, the adaptation of Mireille Guiliano's best-selling book, which Swank is also producing. Even though the book is um, nonfiction, a story is being crafted! Hilary will play the manager of a champagne company dealing with French ladies who eat bread, wine and pastries and never gain an ounce. Fun. Lemme guess: She learns to slow down and enjoy, thereby losing weight? [E!]
• Remember how Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright were arrested in Shreveport, Louisiana for allegedly keeping cops from breaking up a bar brawl? Seems like the whole thing is getting swept under the rug. The police department supposedly has tapes of the incident, but they have never been released. Could it be because cops maybe called Wright the N-word and he was hit with a taser? [Radar]
• A friend of Lily Allen's was abducted at gunpoint and held hostage for a week. He's been released and Lily has thanked the police: "We were all terrified and from what I hear you guys did an amazing job." [Daily Express]
• Scene: Lily Allen and Elton John on stage at the GQ Awards. Lily: "And now to the most important part of the night-" Elton: "What? Are you going to have another drink?" Lily: "Fuck off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!" Elton: "I could still snort you under the table." Lily: "Fuck off. I don't know what you are talking about." [The Sun]
• The new movie The Women might suck, despite its secret new age-y message. [Fox 411]
• Cameron Diaz and Paul Sculfor have been all over each other at the US Open. Is it Love? [The Sun]
• Oh, but when Cameron shops, Paul gets bored. [Page Six]
• Blistex polled 3,000 women and Keira Knightley was voted as having the "perfect pout." [The Sun]
• Tiffani Thiessen, who played Valerie on 90210, doesn't seem that into the new 90210. [E!]
• Jon Bon Jovi is teaming up with the State of New Jersey to build homes that will cater to homeless people with special needs, like AIDS patients. Oh, we're halfway there. Oh. Oh! Living on a prayer. [USA Today]
• Wow, haven't heard from this guy in a while: Howard K. Stern is suing the man who used to be Larry Birkhead's bodyguard. And! He also has a $60 million libel suit pending against the company (and woman) that published Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death. He's not happy about the gay allegations. [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Simpson almost quit singing but Dolly Parton helped her with letters of encouragement, aww. [Yahoo News]
• Some idiot paparazzi was harassing Chris Brown, asking him if he was going to sing with the Jonas Brothers; Chris responded, "No, I'm doing a duet with your mom." [TMZ]
• Heath Ledger's estate has sold his Hollywood Hills home, nicknamed The Treehouse, for $2.5 million. It is unknown if Michelle Williams and Matilda will get part of the money from the sale. [News.com.au]
• Does Hugh Grant have a new 27-year-old ladyfriend? He was seen hanging with former model Catherine Fulmer in The Hamptons recently. Catherine, by the by, was wearing a vest, shorts and no shirt: Toplessness! [The Sun]
• Morrissey has split with his management firm after just three months. Please please please: Let me get what I want this time. [Reuters]
• A poster for Angelina Jolie's film Wanted was banned in the UK because it "glamorizes gun crime" and is "likely to provoke violence." It's the one where she's lying on the hood of a car holding a shotgun. [The First Post]
• Blind item! "Which hip-hop mogul had a hidden video camera installed in a light fixture in his bedroom? He likes to record his sessions with unsuspecting ladies for future replays." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which closeted actor who once dated an actress 'beat the hell out of her,' according to her friend?" [Page Six]
• The Library Of Congress will honor Stevie Wonder with the Gershwin Prize for Popular Song. This is only the second time this prize has been awarded: The first was in 2007, to Paul Simon. The award recognizes a musician's lifetime of work and Wonder will receive it on Feb. 23, 2009. Love's In Need Of Love Today, you guys. [AP]
• Rock band Great White, whose pyrotechnics sparked a nightclub fire that killed 100 people in 2003, will play $1 million to survivors and victims' relatives. [Newser, via AP]
• Who is Philip Olivier? He used to be on Hollyoaks or something. It doesn't matter: He is smoking hot. Click here to see. [The Sun]
• "Am I gay? If you want to know the truth, ask the people who go to bed with me." — The late Dusty Springfield, in a 1999 interview. [Page Six]
• "I have auditory hallucinations, I hear voices saying derogatory things, like I'm terrible and I'm going to die, and they're usually worse in the afternoon" — Brian Wilson. [Page Six]
• "I had the hot iron in my hand and he had a handful of my hair. He grabbed the hand with the iron in it and was pushing [it] toward my face. He ended up pressing that hot iron against my other arm. I heard my flesh sizzling, and the smell was sickening. I started screaming from the pain. He dropped the iron and I turned to run, and his nail swiped across my eyeball and shredded my cornea." — Sandy (Pepa) Denton of Salt-n-Pepa, on her abusive boyfriend, a man she calls "Brad." She is celibate now. [Rush & Molloy]

[A casino in Niagara Falls, August 27. Image via Splash.]

• Michael Phelps isn't really looking for a girlfriend. "I am 23 now and if I went out with a girl she wouldn’t see much of me until I get past 30," he explains. That's just silly! Ladies see plenty of you. When you're wearing a swimsuit. [Daily Express]
• David and Victoria Beckham's "car crash" was actually just a car that got all scratched and jacked up when it was left parked at the airport. Posh's rep says: "There was no car crash." [Perez Hilton]
• Barack Obama has asked Jennifer Hudson to sing the national anthem on Thursday at the Democratic National Convention before his address. She is "thrilled" and "excited." [People]
• Was "vote or die" Diddy asked not to come to the DNC? [MSNBC]
• Oh, dear: Justin "I'm A Mac" Long seen kissing Kirsten Dunst. [Rush & Molloy]
• More barftastic car crash terrible can't-look-away Heidi Montag video pix. Sorry. [ONTD]

• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps of The Real Housewives of NYC got drunk at a wedding, knocked over a drumset, tried to make out with married men and grabbed crotches… or did she? Truth or smear campaign? [Page Six]
• Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio is shopping pix of her newborn, Anja Louise, born Sunday in Brazil. Proceeds go to the Multiple Sclerosis Children's Fund. Any takers? [Page Six]
• Janeane Garofalo played Lauren Conrad in a staged reading of The Hills? Genius. [L.A. Times]
• Britney Spears' SUV took a wrong turn and ended up in L.A.'s Sunset Junction street fair, aka Hipster Central. She got out of there real quick. [E!]
• Courteney Cox was involved in a car crash while on vacation in Hawaii. She was driving a white BMW which collided with a red truck on Saturday. No one was injured. [Daily Mail]
• How does Paula Abdul feel about the new American Idol judge? "I am concerned about the audience and acceptance," she says. "Time will tell. We’ll see. [It's] going to be weird if it’s a split decision. I’m sure Simon will get to make the final [judgment]. [But that] takes the fun out of all the hard work I do to push those kids through." [MSNBC]
• Um, Rhys Ifans is in a band? Called The Peth? And their first single is called "Let's Go Fucking Mental"? And the video is of Rhys' colonoscopy? You can see it here. [Perez Hilton]
• Whee! Cloris Leachman and Susan Lucci to be on Dancing With The Stars! (Also: Kim Kardashian, Lance Bass, Toni Braxton, Misty May-Treanor and track star Maurice Green.) [Reuters]
• Madonna had to stop going to her gym because of "noise, leering, crude comments and wolf whistles of builders working nearby." Effing hell. [Mirror]
• Pam Anderson revelations: When asked "boobs or legs?" she says she is "more of a leg person" (?!?!?!) and when questioned about bikini waxing says, "I have not waxed anything in my entire life. An eyebrow, not an anything. I have never ever done that. It sounds too painful." [News.com.au]
• Spike Lee is upset with the people who think Barack Obama is not black enough. "I go by the 'one-drop rule.' One drop [of black blood], and you're black. The truth is, every African-American is biracial. Go back far enough, and you'll find the massah was in the slave quarters. You can't be black and go to Harvard Law School? You can't be black and be articulate?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Heath Ledger's uncle has failed to have his charges of receiving stolen goods dealt with and faces up to 14 years in jail. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• In a quest for relevance, Jessica Simpson has joined the Country Music Association. She gets special-rate health insurance and can vote in upcoming CMA Award nominations. Anyway, her album, Do You Know, comes out September 9 and Dolly Parton duets on the title track; after that you can go back to not caring about Jess. [Yahoo News]
• Kate Hudson is being sued by some scientists who claim she took their hair-care secret ingredient and gave it to a competitor. Something about volcanic ashes and flyaways. [The Root]
• Shannen Doherty is having fun shooting the new 90210: "It's been a really nice experience…We already have our little inside jokes." And! Lori Loughlin and Rob Estes play parents who are not like your usual sitcom couple. Estes says: "It's not a mom and dad who are home eating bon bons. It's a couple who's fucking! We'll clear the kitchen so fast, you don't know what to do with yourself." [Perez Hilton]
• OMG remember the 90210 action figures dolls? [Black Book]
• Yesterday reports claimed that Snoop Dogg was getting a visa to tour in Australia despite his criminal record; today officials are "rethinking" giving him permission to enter the country. He could be counseled before arrival and given strict behavior rules to abide by while down under. [Reuters]
• Harry Potter studio Warner Bros is suing Bollywood producers over a flick called Hari Puttar. [Telegraph]
• Actress Sophie Monk was seen walking out of a KFC in Hollywood with bags filled with food — she's bragged in the past about being a vegetarian and criticized KFC eaters, saying: "I think the message to KFC eaters (is that) you should think about what you're eating. If you're eating deformed animals that are being induced by hormones, you know, it can not be good for you." [News.com.au]
• Salman Rushdie's former bodyguard is apologizing over allegations he made regarding Rushdie's former marriage. [Independent]
• Trisha Yearwood survived a plane emergency: Her aircraft's window cracked at 30,000 feet. They never lost cabin pressure, fortunately. [People]
• "I think The Osbournes, to a degree, tarnished the public's perception of my dad as a bit of a senile, funny, bumbling guy. Yeah, my dad can be that guy, but it's not him. I think that almost discredited him as an artist. My dad's not an idiot — he's nothing short of a genius, in my opinion." — Jack Osbourne, who is producing a documentary on Ozzy. [Rolling Stone]
• RIP Aaliyah, who died this day in 2001. [The.Life Files]

• Ryan Gosling. Rachel McAdams. Back together. [Perez Hilton]
• Ellen blogs about her nuptials! "I had a big, big weekend. I got married to Portia de Rossi! Sorry, John Stamos… this one's taken. The wedding was everything we hoped it could be. I wish I could've invited all of you. But I have some pictures and video I can show you when Season 6 starts on September 8. I can't wait to see them too… it was all a blur. Blissfully yours, The just married Mrs. DeGeneres." [ET]
• LeRoi Moore, the sax player in the Dave Matthews Band, has died. He was injured in an ATV accident June 30 and suffered a punctured lung and broken ribs. Sudden complications from that accident sent him to the hospital yesterday, where he passed away unexpectedly. He was 46. [TMZ]
• Here's the latest on the Aniston/Mayer breakup: A source says, "She is so intent on getting married and having children, he felt hemmed in. After a 20-minute phone conversation, he just said, 'I can't take it any more,' and hung up. Then he texted, 'That's it - the end.'" Pretty please, can this be THE END of reports about these two? [Mirror]

• Madonna drank "Crack Baby" shots on her birthday, which are made with vodka and champagne. Blech. [Page Six]
• Elizabeth Taylor is back home and doing well after being hospitalized. She's planning trips to Europe and Hawaii and weighing in on holiday packaging for her perfume line White Diamonds. Be well, Liz! [Yahoo News]
• What you didn't see on The Hills: Heidi and Spencer running their mouths. Oh, and apparently Lauren went out with Doug Reinhardt back when she was in high school. [E!]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is preparing to sue a U.K. magazine over an article claiming she's "hooked on sex and diet pills." Apparently she doesn't take diet pills. No word on the sex. [Yahoo News]
• Michael Phelps' Saturday night race pulled a hell of a lot of viewers for NBC, but The Golden Girls is still the most-watched Saturday night show of the last 18 years. Thank you for being a friend! [Yahoo News]
• BTdubs, swimmer Amanda Beard is not dating Michael Phelps. "Ew, no!" she says. [MSNBC]
• Revealed! Jessica Alba's baby weight-loss plan! Low-fat, low-carb diet! Core exercises! Cardio and circuit training! Working out with a girlfriend! Kill me now! [People]
• Sharon Stone, 50, is dating a dude named Chase who is 24. That is all. [Perez Hilton]
• This report says that Balthazar Getty's wife Rosetta is convinced he started hooking up with Sienna when he and Rosetta were still together. Sick of this story yet? [Mirror]
• Chris Martin says he'll never trash a hotel room — because he used to clean them. "When you’re a cleaner and you walk into a trashed room, it’s truly annoying… Spare a thought for the poor schmuck cleaning the room." [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse has booked into a rehab clinic just a short drive from Blake Incarcerated's jail. [The Sun]
• The Australian men's sailing team won a gold medal yesterday after getting a good luck call from Nicole Kidman. The guy didn't pick up at first: True story! [People]
• Theyyyyy're here! Poltergeist remake, in the works. Stay away from the light, Carole Anne! [Variety]
• Leona Lewis, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus and Rihanna have teamed up for a charity track, "Just Stand Up." There will be a Just Stand Up To Cancer TV special on September 5; the song should hit iTunes a few days earlier. [The Sun]
• Apparently Sir Bob Geldof has been dealing with the stress from daughter Peaches' antics by going dancing. Sometimes what they call "gossip" isn't. [The Sun]
• A sneak peek of Sanjaya's Nationwide Mutual Insurance commercial, in which he has lots of different hairstyles. [People]
• Luke Wilson might be dating a Yale-educated lawyer named Meg Simpson. Stay Tuned. [Village Voice]
• James Hetfield of Metallica erected a fence on his California property which blocks access to a fire road used by hikers and equestrians. Kill 'em all! [UPI]
• Jessica Simpson is doing beer ads for Dallas' Stampede Brewing Co. Classy. [Yahoo News]
• Spotted: Al Pacino wearing blue nail polish. [Mirror]
• Paris Hilton is taking that crappy best friend show idea to London. Sorry, Brits! [Guardian]
• A leading Italian medial group doesn't want ER or Grey's Anatomy to air on Italian television: "These programs are teaching viewers inaccurate views on medicine," says Annalisa Silvestro, president of the National Federation of Medical College. "They are spreading misinformation." It's called entertainment, no? [Yahoo News]
• Roger Moore has a book coming out in November; a memoir called My Word Is Bond. He recalls crashing a boat while filming Live And Let Die, cracking his front teeth and twisting his knee. "There I was, as a fearless 007, hobbling on a cane to my boat and then pretending to be indestructible for the cameras. Who says I can't act?" [AP]
• Pete Doherty's band is banned from the Moonfest festival in Westbury, Wiltshire, next week. The police say: "We carried out an analysis of what Pete Doherty and his band does. What he does as part of his routine is to gee up the crowd. They speed up and then slow down the music and create a whirlpool effect in the crowd. They [the crowd] all get geed up and then they start fighting." Um, ok. [Guardian]
• Gossip straight outta 1992: Kurt Cobain vs. Axl Rose; Stephanie Seymour vs. Courtney Love. [Rush & Molloy]
• Headline of the day: "I Want An IVF Baby With My Fifth Husband After I've Posed For Playboy, Says Surgically Remodelled Brigitte Nielsen." [This Is London]
• Gary Glitter was supposed to be deported to the UK, but he conveniently collapsed in a Thai airport hotel room complaining about his heart. [Guardian]
• "It's very difficult to be a career person and have a relationship. I didn't succeed at doing it at all. It's incredibly hard… I empowered myself by not staying in the thing with Russell [Crowe]. I felt it was going to be repeating some similar patterns that I'd just gotten out of and it was a drag because I was crazy about him." — Meg Ryan. [Daily Mail]
• "It was my first nude scene and it wasn’t supposed to be me. I had a body double and we had some complicating factors with her. It was sort of a last minute thing, where I said, 'I’ll just go ahead and do this.' I was really uncomfortable. This crew that I’d been working with, that knows me when I put on my producer hat, suddenly sees me naked. It was really humiliating." — Anna Faris, on The House Bunny. [ONTD]
• "It's fatal when actresses use Botox. I remember seeing Cold Mountain, and it really looked to me like Nicole Kidman had been using it. Her face was neither sad nor glad — nor anything, she was just like a painted doll. I thought: 'Why would she do that?'" — Britt Ekland, the Bond girl once married to Peter Sellers. [Page Six]

• Ellen and Portia will wed this weekend! Don't you wish they'd interrupt Olympic coverage to bring us love, LIVE? [Perez Hilton]
• Portia will wear a "flowing, form-fitting dress by Zac Posen." [Page Six]
• Christian Bale has been cleared of assault charges, you can go back to your regularly scheduled lust. [NY Post]
• Trump to the rescue! The Donald has saved Ed McMahon from foreclosure. He's buying Ed's house and "leasing" it to Ed so he can live in it. Dear Donald, I have my eye on a Tribeca penthouse… [Yahoo News]
• Sonya Dakar, an aesthetician with clients like Fergie, Drew Barrymore and Gwyneth Paltrow, was arrested after allegedly assaulting and trying to bite an inspector who was checking out her cosmetology license. WTF. [TMZ]
• Uh, Actress LisaRaye and her husband, the prime minister of Turks & Caicos, Michael Misick, were both treated for bite wounds Wednesday night in the Caribbean. Not mosquito, not shark, but HUMAN BITE WOUNDS. Scenes of a deteriorating marriage. [Rush & Molloy]
• Amy Winehouse slapped another member of the public. Oh, and there's video. The woman did grab Amy's arm and try to pull her. Not that Amy handled it properly. [The Sun]

• Despite reports in this week's In Touch, Casey Aldridge denies he had sex with 28-year-old Kelli Dawson while Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant. [The Superficial]
• Gwen Stefani: Still pregnant. [The.Life Files]
• Did Jennifer Love Hewitt slim down for the publicity? (Is there any other reason to do it?) [MSNBC]
• Gossip Girl gossip: Season two begins in the Hamptons and Blake Lively says: "There's a lot of juicy stuff in all of our lives." [ET]
• 90210 promo! With Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty! [Perez Hilton]
• Matthew Fox has resigned his Lost deal with ABC and is getting a salary raise: $225,000 per episode, up from $150,000. But can you put a price on brooding Dr. Shephard? [Reuters]
• Miley Cyrus has been hanging out with Adam Sevani of Step Up 2: The Streets. I saw that movie and I promise you he was the best thing in it. Anyways, they look cute riding bikes together, but that doesn't meet he's her boyfriend, sheesh. [Perez Hilton]
• Chris Brown's new track is floating around online but he is not happy. "I'm mad that it's leaked," he says. "The record's not finished. It's supposed to be me and Rihanna's duet." [USA Today]
• Say it with me now: DMX has been arrested. Again. Miami this time! [USA Today]
• Quentin Tarantino's flick Inglorious Bastards is already stirring up controversy: "The film depicts scalpings, disembowelment and swastikas being engraved in foreheads as a group of American Jewish soldiers are airdropped into Nazi-occupied Europe to wreak revenge on the Germans." [Guardian]
• If you're Mariah Carey you don't have to dry yourself off after a swim. That's what towel boys are for. [ONTD]
• Lily Allen has has written a new song wich imagines what God’s life would be like. Lily "attempts to answer questions like who God would date, what job he’d have and what music he would listen to." Dunno about God, but Jesus definitely listens to Kanye West. [The Sun]
• Apparently Bono was blasting his own new songs out of a villa in the South of France, loud enough for passersby to hear and try to upload on YouTube. [The Sun]
• Peaches Geldof arrived back in London after her quickie Vegas wedding and promptly rung up her ex, Faris Badwan of rock band The Horrors. [The Sun]
• Except this report says she snubbed Faris and he had to read about her getting married in the paper. [Mirror]
• This purposely misleading headline: "Doherty's 8hr Visit To Dealer" is on a story about how Pete Doherty went shopping for antiques at 10 am and didn't leave until 6pm. Scandalous! [The Sun]
• Sir Paul McCartney cut a vacation short because his eldest daughter Mary gave birth to her third child. [Mirror]
• Noel Gallagher was drunk on Radio 1? What is this, 1995? [The Sun]
• Busy Philipps, of Dawson's Creek and Freaks And Geeks, gave birth to a baby girl on Wednesday. Birdie Leigh Silverstein's daddy is Busy's screenwriter husband Marc Silverstein. [Star]
• Rumer Willis says when she was 12, she realized she "got screwed" in the name department. "My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames. When I was 12 and had crushes on guys, I'd put my first name with their last name, but it never sounded right. Rumer Depp? Nope. In school, kids would sing, 'Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor.'" [Page Six]
• "Jessica was well-developed, and every guy in high school wanted her and practically every girl hated her. Jessica put on a brave face, but it was a campaign of terror that just devastated her." — A source speaking about Jessica Simpson's new song, with lyrics about abuse. [MSNBC]
• Jerry Lewis says the gun found in his carry-on was a gift that he'd forgotten was in his luggage. [AP]
• RIP, grandma of Catherine Zeta-Jones. [Daily Express]
• Oh, and Cathy Z, who turns 40 next year, says: "I haven’t actually reached my sexiest point yet." [Mirror]
• "I still love her. I’m not really over her yet. We still hang. She was just out with me a couple days ago and we were having a great time. She’s really got it. I think she’s great." — Bret Michaels on Ambre Lake. [People]
• "We are very close. We see each other as much as we can, but we’re usually in different parts of the world. When we have time off, I like to go and hang out with her. She has the cutest children – Finn [three years old] is just the funniest." — Emma Roberts on Aunt Julia. [Mirror]
• "He kissed me on the lips, and then he gave me a filterless cigarette. I came off all lightheaded and had to go sit on his dressing room steps. Maybe it was the cigarette and nothing to do with the legend." — Kate Moss, on meeting Frank Sinatra, in Interview magazine. [Rush & Molloy]

[Beverly Hills, August 11. Image via Splash.]

Let's focus on that plaid shirt. So fascinating how the sleeves are rumpled and soft and look like actual fabric, while the sides that are in the shape of her body are sharp and crisp.

What's up with the pocket not being extended into the zero in 600? Did they downsize her boobs?

Again, this pocket does not seem right. Also, the top of her sleeve looks like actual fabric. All along her sides, the lines are too sharp, too defined. Definitely whittled via Photoshop. Inside the magazine, Jessica is photographed in another plaid shirt; maybe this one was touched-up too, but her body just looks more natural.

Isn't the body on the right more believable? Why is it tucked inside? Why does the cover have to be a medical oddity?

Perhaps on the right she took her ribcage out temporarily, then popped it back in for the photo on the left?

The photo on the right is an unaltered photograph of Jessica out and about. There is not a damn thing wrong with the size of her waist or boobs. Thery're just not good enough for the cover of Elle. And guess what? She's been on the cover of Elle wearing a plaid shirt next to the words "Fall Fashion" before. The image on the right is from September 2004.

Anyway, if you're wondering why digitally altering a cover is such a big deal, you should probably read Anna's post about the Faith Hill Redbook cover. It's a terrible and dangerous thing. To quote Anna:

Deja Vu! [Perez Hilton]
Earlier: Faith Hill's 'Redbook' Photoshop Chop: Why We're Pissed

• Liz Taylor is reportedly on life support after suffering heart failure. A source says, "Doctors though they were going to lose her." The 76-year-old was diagnosed with pneumonia last week. Be well! [Daily Mail]
• Tom Cruise is named in a $250 million federal lawsuit against the Church of Scientology. It seems that the guy behind the suit, Peter Letterese, is using a celebrity name to get attention. It's working. [Rush & Molloy]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick left a NYC restaurant. Together. Which is a "show of unity" after the news of his affair broke, according to this paper. [Daily Mail]
• Ryan Gosling made his DJ debut at the Green Door Lounge in Hollywood Tuesday night and guess who showed up? Rachel McAdams! Ryan and his ex talked when he was away from the booth and a spy says, "He seemed happy to see her." Ryan played tunes from the '40s and '50s. [People]

• The best news we've heard in a long time: Britney Spears wants nothing to do with Sam Lutfi. [TMZ]
• Also, Britney's conservatorship — in which her dad takes care of her — will be extended until the fall. [TMZ]
• Blake Incarcerated is so depressed he's stopped his mopping job. A source says, "[It] may sound funny, but it gave him something to do. Instead he mopes around his cell." Jail isn't supposed to be fun, babe! [The Sun]
• Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester: Dating Entourage's Joshua LeBar? [Star]
• Jennifer Garner was seen walking out of a doctor's office with a piece of paper with the words "March 2" circled, so E! is speculating that March 2 could be her due date. Didn't she say she was four months pregnant? March is seven months from now. Babies don't hang in there for 11 months. Also, who the hell cares what her due date is? [E!]
• Ivana Trump fell while partying on Denise Rich's yacht in Saint-Tropez. She's gonna be okay. [Rush & Molloy]
• Kate Middleton refused to upgrade to first class on her trip to Barbados to meet Prince William; she wanted to be treated as a regular passenger. Um, if there is a first class seat to the Caribbean up for grabs, I know someone who wants it. I've already packed. [The Sun]
• Alicia Keys protested her concert in Indonesia being sponsored by cigarettes, so Philip Morris pulled the billboards and posters down. She also released a statement: "I am an unyielding advocate for the well-being of children around the world and do not condone or endorse smoking," she said. Love her! [Yahoo News]
• On an episode of Living Lohan, Ali went on a casting call and met with some Hollywood types — including Peter Davy. He's made some "adult" movies like Breast Wishes 14 and Bun Sisters 12. So yeah, at 14, she's already met a porn producer. [MSNBC]
• Jessica Simpson is on the cover of Elle in a skin-tight plaid shirt and jeans. And the writer asked her if she'd ever been abused: "I don't want to talk about it, but I have definitely experienced abuse in a way that I would tell people to take their heart and run," she said. Wait, what? [ET]
• Liv Tyler's estranged husband Royston Langdon might sing for Velvet Revolver, now that Scott Weiland has left the band. Shallow opinion that is neither here nor there: Scott's hotter. [People]
• Kanye's late mother, Donda West, owes $606,983.43 on her home; it's being foreclosed upon. Kanye's got some paperwork to take care of. [Perez Hilton]
• Ed McMahon's money troubles continue: He owes lawyers $275,000 for handling his daughter's divorce. Ouch. [Yahoo News]
• Katy Perry recorded a song called Breakout a few years ago and Miley Cyrus did it recently. You can hear both and pick a fave if you care. [ONTD]
• The Black Crowes are suing Gretchen Wilson for song stealing. Her "Work Hard, Play Harder" apparently has parts of their 1991 track "Jealous Again." [Yahoo News]
• Oh! You can compare and contrast the songs here. [E!]
• Kid Rock's being accused of assault. This is from a 2006 incident with autograph seekers at Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel. You know what's funny? Someone wanted Kid Rock's autograph. [Yahoo News]
• India.Arie was supposed to debut on Broadway in For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf, but there's a delay, due to money probs. Boo. [USA Today]
• Chuck Kelly and his ad agency partner Chris Preston wanted to name their company Kelly Preston. Except they realized there is a Kelly Preston, and she's married to John Travolta. Although she was born Kelly Kamalelehua Palzis. [AdFreak]
• Jacob The Jeweler is suing Wyclef Jean over non-payment for bling. [Crain's]
• Remember D'Angelo? There's a story about him in the August issue of Spin. Apparently being sexy ruined his life. "We couldn’t get through one song before women would start to scream for him to take off something,” says an insider. "It wasn’t about the music. All they wanted was for him to take off his clothes." Another source says,"He’d get angry and started breaking shit. The audience thinking, 'fuck your art, I wanna see your ass!' made him angry." Welcome to life as an object. Many women know exactly how you feel. [Stereohyped]
• "Dylan was doing occupations at school recently and the teacher said, 'You have to go home and ask Mummy and Daddy what they do.' So we were trying to explain to Dylan that we make movies and he went to Michael, 'Hang on. Mama makes movies, you make pancakes!' So my two-time Oscar-winning husband with a career of 40 years looks at me and says, 'Oh, it’s come to that!' — Catherine Zeta Jones discussing her son (and husband Michael Douglas). [The Sun]
• Doug Reinhardt, who went out with Lauren Conrad briefly, went on the radio and said, "She a good kisser." What a gentleman. [E!]
• "It's about empowering girls," Lauren says of The Hills. "You're gonna have bad boyfriends and best friends-turned-enemies. You need to be yourself, you need to work hard and you'll get there." [ET]

• Paramedics arrived at Amy Winehouse's London home last night after she suffered "multiple convulsions and fits." She was carried out on a stretcher wearing an oxygen mask; her father, Mitch, rushed to the house right before the emergency crew arrived and said, "She's fine, she just mixed up her medication." [Mirror]
• Doctors wanted Amy to stay overnight for observation. [Reuters]
• …And she's out! Amy was released this morning. Her spokesperson says she had a "reaction to medication." By medication do you mean crack? [The Sun]
• At The Japanese premiere of The Dark Knight today, Christian Bale refused to comment on his assault allegations. [AP]
• Christian Bale did say: "Heath's created an anarchic Joker unlike any ever seen before. He modeled the part on Sid Vicious which made this punk-like character." [Mirror]

• The former dorm matron at Oprah's school for poor South African girls has pleaded innocent to charges that she assaulted and abused six teenagers. The trial will be held in private and the teens will testify via closed-circuit TV so they don't have to face their alleged attacker. [MSNBC]
• Kelsey Grammer was hospitalized Monday feeling faint. He did have a heart attack last month; it's possible medication was the cause of his symptoms. [USA Today]
• Grammer stayed in the hospital overnight. [Reuters]
• After his car crash and hand surgery, Shia LaBeouf is "fine," Shia La Beouf's mom says. [Yahoo News]
• The peeps at TMZ harassed Shia's mom in an "exclusive" video. [TMZ]
• Liz Hurley's working on a reality show about life on her farm. And it's not some Green Acres concept. "People always imagine me with perfect hair. But that’s not who I am," Liz sez. "The first time he saw me in the country, my husband found me in wellies, covered in mud." Sure, sure. [The Sun]
• Kim Stewart first made out with Jude Law. Now she's dating Rhys Ifans. Sienna Miller's sloppy seconds! [The Sun]
• Kate Middleton and Prince William: Spending a fortnight on the Caribbean island of Mustique. I: Jealous. [Telegraph]
• Britney's on vacay in Mexico with someone this paper calls a "mystery man" but we saw elsewhere that it's her friend George Maloof. Also, there's a small group on the trip — it's not just Brit and George. [Mirror]
• Matt Damon's unborn kid is a girl. "I'm so outnumbered, it's crazy," Matt says. He has one daughter, Isabella, 2, and a stepdaughter Alexia, 9, with wife Luciana. [ET]
• Are Spencer and Heidi leaving the Hills? "I need a break from the drama," says Spencer. "That's why I'm moving out of Hollywood." Heidi confirms they're looking for a new home, saying, "We want to get one house where we want to stay and build a family." My God. These people are going to breed. Oh, Spencer also thinks Heidi should be John McCain's VP. Not even funny, dude. [Extra]
• On Jessica Simpson's new album cover, she looks like a sad little girl. [People]
• John Mayer has a buzz cut now. A reader sent us an e-mail which read, "Before you make fun of him for the newly shorn hair, I just wanted to let you know that he, and several of his band mates, shaved their heads in tribute to his friend and back up guitarist David Ryan Harris' dad, who passed away a few days ago. As far as I know the in memoriam part of the head shaving is supposed to be private, but I wanted to make sure no one made an ass of themselves making fun of a gesture for a loved one." [The Life Files]
• Ryan Seacrest was attacked by a shark! He was in Mexico when a sand shark bit his toe. Dude is badass, though: "He didn't know what it was for a minute - he thought it was a stick," a source says. "He had no time to be scared. He saw it swim away, he got out, took aspirin and called it a day." [Page Six]
• Lindsay and Sam got locked in their hotel room Sunday night so they went out the balcony and down the wall, laughing hysterically. Is any other couple out there having as much fun? [Rush & Molloy]
• Gossip Girl gossip: Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford went to a Ting Tings show and were "never more than a foot apart," a spy swears. "If one moved two feet to the left, so did the other. They were only interested in each other." [Rush & Molloy]
• A lawsuit involving unreported My Big Fat Greek Wedding profits has been dropped. Fixed with Windex? [Breitbart]
• Gretchen Mol is in final negotiations to star in ABC's new series Life On Mars. Already cast: Grey's Anatomy's Jason O'Mara; Harvey Keitel and Michael Imperioli. The show is a remake of a British series. [E!]
• Melissa Gilbert, of Little House On The Prairie fame, is playing Ma Ingalls in a staged musical version of Little House. [Yahoo News]
• Maria Bello is engaged. She and her beau, Bryn Mooser, described as a musician, artist and part-time waiter, "fell in love over a sheer passion of politics, Africa and cryptozoology." Insert Chupacabra joke here. [Yahoo News]
• Mark McGrath's stint as the host of TV's Extra? Dunzo. He's being replaced by Mario Lopez. Slater just won't go away. [Perez Hilton]
• Courts ruled that the child of a Georgia woman who claims to have had an affair with Chris Rock was not, in fact, fathered by Chris Rock. Yet! This lady is pitching a book called Hollywood Child, in which she writes about how "getting pregnant with Chris’ son saved her life." Denial, line one. [MSNBC]
• Lifestyles Condoms have offered Miley Cyrus $1 million to be the company's spokeswoman. "Pop culture proves that teens are more ready than ever to discuss the subject of sex," says the company's VP of marketing, Carol Carrozza. "We believe that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set—and is the obvious choice to get the message of safe sex out to teens across America." They're also offering Miley a lifetime supply of condoms. Of course she'll never take the deal. But. Wouldn't it be great if safe sex was a teen trend? [E!]
• "Without a doubt, this one is the most formidable opponent I’ve ever run into. You talk about dirty tricks: Brass knuckles, steel knuckles, cheap shots, tripping people up. I’ve never seen anybody in the wrestling business that has more dirty tricks than she does!" — Hulk Hogan on separating from wife Linda. [