Onetime Jezebel editor Jessica Grose writes that Karr keeps a warning above her desk: letters that spell out "HUBRIS." She might still need it. When Grose asks Karr about her conversion to Catholicism, she says,

Somebody said to me, "So, you think you've had all this success because God likes you better than other writers?" And I said, "Absolutely!" Because of my faith, I do have a sense that I'm supposed to be alive on the planet. Which, given the way I was brought up, I didn't exactly have going in.

On the one hand, Karr has struggled with alcoholism and depression (the subjects of her new book, Lit), and it's hard to begrudge or anything that has given her a sense of place in the world. On the other, it's more than a little obnoxious for a writer who has benefited from the capricious whims of the literary market to claim that her success comes from God's favor. If she's right, God must be really into Dan Brown.

Of course, Karr is right that secular people will always have some difficulty with talk about religion. She says, "Talking about spiritual matters to a secular audience is like doing card tricks on the radio. It's like, 'This is really cool, everybody,' and they're like, 'Yeah, OK!' So I know that it sounds a little nutty." As a nonbeliever, I guess I'm listening to Karr's card tricks over the radio, and perhaps I've missed some nuance in her claim about God's love. In any case, the interview is more interesting when it deals with women and memoir. Grose asks,

I've read a lot of interviews recently with young female memoirists who say things like, "I'm writing this memoir to help other people," and I always find that to be disingenuous. And I wonder if you had any insight into why female memoirists, specifically, have this need to claim altruism, why they feel that something being a good story isn't enough of a reason to tell it.

And Karr responds:

You know, I think it actually has to do with what it means to be feminine in this culture. If you betray a family confidence, it's not seen as appropriately feminine. It's one reason, maybe, that men's memoirs, especially about adolescence, are so much easier to write. Because for a man to say, "And then I pushed my father down on the ground and stormed out of the house and stole the car," is, in a way, what a man does to come of age. For a woman to betray family secrets or intimacies is seen as particularly grotesque or masculinizing.

I didn't [write] it to help anybody. I did it for the money. I did it because I'm greedy and I like living in New York.

Karr's claim that she "did it for the money" is its own kind of bravado, but interestingly, it's a kind more common for male writers, who sometimes feel the need to counteract the supposedly effete nature of artistic endeavor by making it all about cold hard cash. Karr does happen to be in the (perhaps) enviable position of being able to write for money, but there are more lucrative careers, and Karr dances around one primary motive for memoir: narcissism.

The term has taken a big beating in the media lately, but Karr is right — it's something we've always tolerated in male writers. What else but narcissism could motivate someone to write his autobiography, not to help anyone, but simply because he considers his own life a good story? Such impulses have given us some great books, and without the narcissism of artists, society would be a lot less interesting. Still, we tend to forget this when women speak up to tell their stories — we call them out for oversharing or airing the family's dirty laundry, unless of course their books are good for us in some way. Men are allowed to be entertainers, but too often, we expect women to be teachers or nurses.

So maybe Karr's hubris is actually kind of refreshing. I don't think we all need to be swaggering around like Norman Mailer, but I do think arrogance in women is so demonized that it's nice to see it flare up from time to time. Writing is a pretty useless act, on the face of it, and also very self-centered. You can justify it to yourself by pretending you're helping people, but I'm not at all sure that books written with the intent to help actually do so. The other option is just to be convinced that your bullshit is intrinsically worth reading. And in order to do this, you may have to believe something crazy, like that God actually likes you best.

God's Favorite Writer [Double X]

One awesome thing about moms joining Facebook or any other "new" social networking thing is how unjaded they are: technology that seems to us old-hat is a revelation, a source of excitement, a personal discovery (even several years into a phenomenon.) Whereas we don't wish to admit there's anything we don't know about - or at least suspected - those who've lived through a less technological age feel unconstrained to marvel. While we are already preemptively embarrassed by the crudeness of today's wonders, knowing there's something even better around the corner, moms are able to appreciate the wonder of what is.

Kids today have been hooked on Facebook for years, and by now have surely moved on to harder stuff: Twitter, the narcissists' heroin, makes Facebook look practically selfless in its expansiveness. But to Kristen Hansen Brakeman, a recent Facebook convert, the addiction comes as shocking.

I began to neglect my duties at the office, so busy was I uploading photos and posting links to hilarious videos. I learned to hide my omnipresent Facebook page by keeping a work-related document open on my desktop, which I would click on whenever my boss happened by...Then my kids began to infringe on my addiction. They would want meals or other irritating things like rides to school. "Just a minute, I have to check my Facebook. Oh, how cute; my friend Karen posted a new picture of her little baby."

What is it that we find so comically bizarre about older people doing this stuff? Is it what Brakeman describes, a neglect of parental duties which, even to adult kids, feels like a betrayal? Part of it is the fact that we want to hold tight to technology I'm sure - to say nothing of our privacy. I naturally queries ex-Jezebel Jessica, as an expert on all things Mom, who replied that "we present a certain version of ourselves to our parents, and that's not necessarily the version we're presenting to the internet world." (Which is ironic as they're two constructs of the same coin, to mix.) And you know what else? In a way, I think we want better for them. We know firsthand the soul-sucking, addictive, voyeuristic, petty, mean-spirited, superficial vapidity of this world and we wish to save them, in their innocence, from such horrors. We deserve no better; in a way, they do. It's undignified, of course, and while they may be blissfully ignorant of the sordid underpinnings of all such modes of communication, we all know there's a seediness to it - to even the most average photo album - that we'd rather protect them from. Beyond not wanting to deal with their reaction to a shot of you smoking a cigarette is the wish to shield them from it. But in a weird reversal of prior generations' roles, they're always nipping at our heels, forcing us on to the newest technologies, confident at least that it will be two years before they discover it. And on that note, we'd really discourage Brakeman from Twitter.

Finished With Facebook [Washington Post]
Mother Lode [New Yorker]

…To give you advice on all your mom-related problems, that is.

When Doree and I started our website, Postcards From Yo Momma, soliciting emails, texts, IMs and all manner of virtual motherly communications almost exactly a year ago, we never realized how much collected wisdom was out there floating in the internet ether. From matters of the heart ("Here are Mom's three rules for a new relationship (the three "N's"): Don't nag; Don't be needy; Don't be neurotic.") to matters of the wardrobe ("DO NOT GET SPANX…get something comfortable and not tight that will just smooth you up and down."), our mothers generally have an opinion on everything, and even though it's completely infuriating, at the end of the day they're usually right, and they always have our best interests in mind.

Speaking of opinions, we were on the radio the other day, and a listener shared her feeling that the entire premise of the book was sexist. "As usual moms are understood as anxious, worry-warts, with nothing better to do than bother their children, and express frustration about their husbands," the listener said. "It's as though moms don't have other roles in the world other than as caretakers." However, if she read the book, she would know that while mothers do show themselves as caretakers (and really is there anything wrong with that?), the moms we feature — like our own mothers — are intelligent, competent, and thoughtful. They have their own lives and interests, and that's what makes the emails so compelling! Certainly, fathers write their own heartfelt missives, but in our experiences, and the experiences of most of our readers, it's mom who dominates the lines of communication.

In that spirit, we invite you to ask all manners of mom-related queries in the comments. Doree and I — along with our moms — will answer some of them in a post on Thursday. My mother is a shrink and Doree's mom is a professor, so they have years of experience giving advice to strangers! We can tell you what to do if your mom starts a Facebook page, how to get her to stop nagging you about joining J-Date and how to navigate a difficult mother-in-law. So post away! Our mommas are listening.

Love, Mom [Amazon]
Postcards From Yo Momma

Earlier: Momma Mia!

As many of you know, today is Jessica’s last day — after a successful stint helming the site in my weeklong absence; give her a round of much-deserved applause — and, as such, it’s almost time to say goodbye.

I first met with Jessica in early 2007, and she came on board as an Associate Editor in the early fall of that year. Over the past 14 months, I’ve seen her grow from an unbelievably reliable, hardworking, ambitious and versatile writer into, well, an even more unbelievably reliable, hardworking, cheerful, ambitious and versatile writer. (Yes, that’s possible.) Oh, and somehow, despite the 10+ hour days, Jessica somehow found the time to not only keep up on the news on everything from pop culture to politics but make news, enjoy a life outside of work (easier said than done), and maintain a cheerful, up-for-anything attitude that is the object of my unyielding envy.

Part of the up-for-anything attitude has been expressed in some of Jessica’s most popular posts, which run the gamut from dressing room stunts (the infamous American Apparel try-out, conducted with editor Tracie Egan) to her honest, cathartic, emotional post on Sarah Palin's candidacy, which not only earned the ire of Fox News’ Steve Doocy but a mention in Time magazine’s big, much-hyped “Person Of The Year” issue. Not surprisingly, both are among Jessica’s top 10 most trafficked posts (see list at end) and will no doubt continue to draw readers long after her departure.

Along with Dodai, Jessica is one of the first people I "see" and “talk” to when I come online every morning, and I am (selfishly) going to miss this the most: the animated discussions about that morning’s news headlines, caffeine intakes, celebrity stories, menstrual cycles, sleep patterns… the small but important stuff that keeps us sane in our crazy, time-consuming jobs. I hope we’ll get to continue it in some capacity after she settles in at her new gig at Slate’s new ladyblog.

Here's a Top 10 list, in ascending order, of Jessica's most trafficked posts; they are by no means necessarily her best, of course, so please share your favorites (and your congratulations) in the comments.

10. Yale Senior Undergoes Multiple Self-Induced Miscarriages In The Name Of Art

9. Lindsay Lohan: Real Or Manmade

8. Why Sarah Palin Incites Near-Violent Rage In Normally Reasonable Women

7. Dear Jennifer Aniston: Enough Already

6. Manic Pixie Dream Girls Are The Scourge Of Modern Cinema

5. Would Tina Fey Be A Star If She Looked Like This?

4. 30 Reasons Girls Should Send Us Pictures Of Their Drunken Dude Friends

3. Annuale: The Birth Control Pill That Will Grow You A Second Vagina

2. 25 Reasons Drunk Dudes Should Stay Away From Females

1. American Apparel Will Make You Look Like A Fat Hooker

Jess herself will be by later this afternoon to present her own post-mortem so for now I will finish this by saying: Thank you, Jessica, we love you, Happy New Year and good luck!

MOE: So let us consider the concert we just attended. For starters, that guy Paul. When I broke up with my last boyfriend I met him through our mutual friend Don, who introduced me to breakup songs other than Divorce Song, such as I Want You by Elvis Costello and Go On Ahead, also by Liz Phair, which is probably underappreciated.

JESS: oh that's one of my favorites from whitechocolatespace egg
and randomly i knew paul through my old job as a music critic, which feels like another lifetime

MOE: But yeah, so…what made you feel oldest last night? The $13 drinks? The fact that half the males in attendance were not graying but actually GRAY? Or lyrics like "You're probably shy and introspective that's not part of my objective I just want your fresh young jimmy cramming slamming ramming in me"

JESS: that was also the time when "fuck and run" really meant something to me
also they were all wearing button downs over their paunches
the graying men that is

MOE: Also we went to a nice restaurant afterwards with Kara Jesella and Marisa Meltzer, who wrote the Sassy book, and they were playing Portishead's second album, to which I knew all the words, and in the car they played both SWV and Tevin Campbell and I knew all the words and in the club after the show they played Bjork's Homogenic and seriously EVERYTHING ABOUT THE NIGHT WAS SO FUCKING NINETIES except, of course, for the prices, which ranged from $16 for my sandwich to upwards of three hundred for whatever cute shoes Kara was probably wearing and, um, oh my god it is so not the nineties anymore, because in the nineties it was our parents who were re-purchasing their record collections on CD and investing in new Dolby sound systems and Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow was the Clintons' campaign anthem only ironically all ANYONE was thinking about was yesterday, except us! Because Liz Phair was so amazing and cool and revolutionary and ALTERNATIVE.

JESS: um, see, i always though of it as more or less adolescent instead of 90s per se
but maybe the 90s was about indulging your extended adolescence!
though i feel it will ring true for generations of disaffected teens tk

MOE: Basically what I am saying is that our corner of New York is a pricey nineties theme park, one someone is surely working hard to duplicate in Dubai, and so, when she said she always thought of Exile — she just called it Exile, right? — as a "New York album" I found that distinctly problematic.
Because in New York none of us would have fallen in love with those losers and Liz Phair anyway would be in therapy.

JESS: well that was just pandering, but perhaps in our corner of new york everyone is pandering
to us and our neurosis!
so at this point liz phair is a simulacrum of liz phair
is that what you're getting at?

MOE: Sort of, and like, if I were listening to this album today or here, "Never Said" might be my favorite song. But like, "Shatter" and "Strange Loop" would have seemed off.
Stratford-On-Guy and Johnny Sunshine as opposed, you know, to "Canary"

JESS: But! That's because we're olds now
not because it's the aughts

MOE: But last night, thooooose were the songs I sang loudest

JESS: I mean I think it's an intensely personal album

MOE: And didn't have to think about the words to.

JESS: I still relate to Canary
Because I am a pollyanna!
Who wishes she were more transgressive

MOE: Yeah I don't think I've related to Canary for a little while, but that's because Catholic education makes everyone feel like a disobedient fuckup I guess.

JESS: When I hear Fuck and Run now, it's like watching a sepia-toned film reel

MOE: I'm not going to be ashamed that "I have a lot of work to do" is something that gets said in the morning post sex in my case fairly often. I guess because I'm usually the one to say it. But yeah, I remember listening to that song over and over again in the late stages of my first relationship and thinking, "Wait, that used to be me. I wonder if it still is me!" Hahahaha and almost ten years later why yes it is! Just not every day.

JESS: I sometimes miss it
it was exciting
the fuck and run period
I still relate Stratford-on-Guy
relate to

MOE: So Marisa had seen the documentary, which is apparently crap. (A lot of these movies are I guess, though my sister liked the Wilco movie, which I still haven't seen, but there was this hardcore movie out recently and I saw it in LA and it was soooooo goddamn bad, it was like they hadn't even read Our Band Could Be Your Life. Anyway, the important part is here is the trailer and apparently Steve Albini of Urge Overkill was there and he was NOT looking hot.

JESS: OMG I was so sad i missed seeing him
It needs to be said that Liz was looking hot
It also needs to be said that perhaps it's the HWC
sorry. I needed to get that out of my system.

MOE: Ew ew ew. Personally, I think she should lay off the highlights and tight
dresses. And the lipgloss that be poppin. Just me. But whatever, yes, she looked hot. MILFy. Made me want to lay off the Parliaments I guess.
Oh my god, watch the trailer, that guy we met last night is in it! Who became friends with Liz somehow. Which is so cool! I would have talked to him, but I think I was too drunk and also, distracted by the Portishead.

JESS: I think her hair might have been a weave though! I peeped it closely when we came in

MOE: See, I like how she looks about 1:35 into this trailer.

JESS: but we did discover that his girlfriend also has her period super frequently, JUST LIKE US
DAVE MATTHEWS?
why is she only talking to dudes about it though

MOE: Wait, Dave Matthews is in it? I thought it was just some guys who looked like Dave Matthews. Oh wait, because the reissue is on his label, like Ben Kweller. I read once that she owned her masters which is why she could do that. Smart! I think she is talking to dudes because it's about Guyville. Obviously their antipathy is a lot more interesting than our adulation. Or maybe it's not. I so wish they'd interviewed Hitchens. Memo to Graydon Carter: command Hitchens to review this movie immediately!

JESS: hahahahahahahah
WELL her band was also all dudes
Except for that one bitch who got up to sing FLower
It's not necessarily a judgment, merely an observation.
That was definitely Dave Matthews. His voice is really distinctive

MOE: Actually I don't think Brits really get Liz Phair, which is one of the reasons I listened to it so much in Hong Kong, and also ironic, considering that the Stones are British…I think the Brits understand Liz Phair perhaps less than they understand Cantonese. But anyway, this is a thing: is there a British counterpart? Justine Frischmann was also a heroine (heh) of mine but she was so much genuinely cooler than Liz Phair. Which is why I don't think she's doing very much right now. Though she gave the world M.I.A. (Rad.)

Dave Matthews fucked like half the girls in the Virginia high schools' classes 1992-98. I was not in that half though.

JESS: oh i LOOOOOOOVe justine
what about P.J. Harvey
she's a limey

MOE: But like, Justine was more of a Kim Gordon type right? well no Kim Gordon held it together.

JESS: Also Justine was never as personal. I always felt Elastica's music was more fun than thoughtful necessarily
Kim Gordon is another can of worms
maybe Justine is like Kim Deal

MOE: But Liz was not like that, she did not desire to be a scene elder, she just wanted to tell those guys off and then go live happily ever after I guess. Good for her! But no, I don't really think that, the same way I don't really think it's true that "You can be shallow and deep and read celebrity tabloids and the Zimbabwe election and there's no conflict" the way Kim France would have you believe. There's only so much time, and just because those guys are pricks doesn't mean you necessarily should have wasted yours getting made over by Avril Lavigne, Liz! Although Linda Hirshman would probably approve since you were just trying to get paid.

JESS: Yeah, I thought that was her entire rationale
she has a kid now
she needs to make some cash

actually, i wrote this open letter to liz after her disastrous chicks with attitude tour

wow, even reading things i wrote four years ago is really embarrassing

MOE: Everything about the past is embarrassing. Like, reading this exchange in 10 minutes when I post it: probably gonna be embarrassing.

UPDATE: Yeah guys, I know who Steve Albini is because, as I pointed out, I read that book Our Band Could Be Your Life, I just had a brainfart, thanks for your concerns. The guy Marisa saw was actually named Nash Kato, which is totally the name of someone you'd think was really cool in the nineties.

It was something called an "upside down" sundae, whereby her friend stowed all the toppings on the bottom of the bowl, out of the sight of her superiors, then plopped the ice cream on top, safely hiding her stash of sweetness. "If you want that cherry in life, to say nothing of the hot fudge and whipped cream, youve gotta have that upside down hot fudge sundae." What a wonderful new cliche to replace the "cake and eat it too" crap!

Anyway, we tell that story because we had to employ a similar strategy merely to get entrance to this event, because a press officer at the Y informed us that press had been barred from the event. Using our cunning and the internet, we (Moe, Jessica) purchased two "civilian" tickets and sneaked in as though we were two normal people just interested in seeing what the editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan and mystery novel author Kate White has to say. What do such normal people look like, anyway?

Jessica: I got there first, and was oddly nervous. I wore more makeup than I usually do, because I didn't want to feel inadequately groomed when compared to the fashion bitches I assumed would attend. I still looked comparatively sloppy — I spotted a pair of this year's Miu Miu pumps and slunk into a chair in my dirty jeans. I had sat down in the middle of two rows of twenty-somethings who all seemed to know each other. I assumed they worked for Kate, so I asked the girl next to me if she, indeed, worked for Cosmo.
"I do," she said, "I'm Ashley."
"I'm Jessica, I work for Jezebel," I told her, and her formerly warm gaze turned icy.
"Oh. I saw that you guys wrote about us today."
"Um. Yeaaaaah."
That ended that conversation! (A quick perusal of the masthead later on led me to believe I was talking to associate web editor Ashley Womble, who was quite possibly responsible for the feature I mocked yesterday. Um, if you're reading this, I'm sorry Ashley! But like, "Boyfriend Wars" is a pretty exquisitely lame idea! Surely you see my point! No?"

Moe: Ha! That explains the forty text messages I got from you. I have to say, I did not notice any Miu Mius. I'm pretty sure i was sitting on the side of the room with all the Conservadox Jews, because...um, everyone's outfits were very modest. But Kate's outfit was fabulous! In a kind of "aggressively approachable" way. She wore a poufy taffeta-ish skirt and black patent leather ankle boots, with black tights and a black short-sleeved turtleneck. It was, like, the most expensive ensemble you could get away with and still probably be mistaken for an elementary school teacher. She is very thin, but she doesn't seem to make it the centerpiece of her appearance, and she has blown-dry highlighted hair that dovetails perfectly with the intense perkiness of her persona. She looked like she belonged on the set of a fifties sitcom. And then she told that fucking upside-down ice cream sundae anecdote. In my notes it is followed by an anecdote about Kate Spade, who apparently is friends with Kate White. I just wrote it all down, but now I'm deleting it because really, it is duller than the sundae anecdote. "Sometimes you've got to break the rules," was the big takeaway. I think that's when I completely lost it.

Jessica:I read Kate's book, You On Top over the weekend, and most of the anecdotes were taken verbatim from that, so they must have been fact-checked, right? Anyway, the book has some actually insightful, practical career advice. Interspersed with "Ways to Tap into Your Inner Sex Kitten." She also warns us to never ever talk to guys about our periods. But she runs a major magazine and still finds time to write mystery novels. You've got to respect that!

Moe: That's true. She also seems impossible to hate. But she's like, impossible to hate in that way where you feel like if you traveled back in time to 1963, and someone advised you not to talk to boys about your period, you would forgive them for that. Why do I feel like I'm in a time warp with Kate White? She's the foremost purveyor of orgasm advice in the country! People were still douching in 1963! And having coat hanger abortions.

Jessica: That said, she managed to make the vignettes sound spontaneous and unrehearsed; even charming. I won't go over her "five rules" in detail. You want some business speak, you can find it elsewhere. Maybe in your own head in that space reserved for common sense, buried under the names of former contestants on ANTM. I will say Kate's an excellent public speaker. Then came the Q&A. I don't remember what questions were asked except for your question about Whether Cosmo had a secret sex lab.

Moe: I swear to God I heard once that Cosmo has a "sex laboratory" where they try out positions and stuff. I was dying for something too-hot-for-Andy Griffith to be said. But yeah, she turned a little red when I asked that. Lady, you're the editor of Cosmo WTF?! Then someone asked a question about how to deal when you've realized you're following in your mother's footsteps and putting your career on hold for your husband. And that's when she pointed out her husband. Her husband was adorable, and all "aw shucks" about the whole thing, and she readily admitted that he was six or seven years younger than her, and that she's glad she married later in life. I felt bad for the woman who was putting her career on hold for her husband. For a moment I felt worse for her than for myself, for not having a husband. But I don't understand why you would do that, unless you didn't really like working. In which case, don't feel guilty about it! We're all about self-acceptance.

Jessica: Yeah, I think she's holding out on us and somewhere in the nether regions of the Hearst building there is a kinky dungeon filled with frilly underthings and eight cartons of batteries. I do remember, however, one of Kate's answers, which stuck with me. She said that women tend not to ask for things in their careers — she told a story about a group of young trainees at Arthur Anderson. When the group got their offers, all the men asked for more money, whereas all the women just took the initial quote. This resonated with me in particular because when I worked at Spin right out of college, the Editor-in-Chief at the time, Sia Michel, told me the exact. Same. Thing. Every woman Sia had hired took the salary that was offered up front. Almost every man negotiated for more.

Moe: Ugh, yeah, fuck men; where do they get off? I fucking hate those motherfuckers. That's why they always think they deserve to have sex with you. Motherfucker, explain to me why you deserve a motherfucking raise when there are kids working for twenty cents an hour in Bangladesh and I don't even make that much? I hate dudes.

Jessica: Leaving the Y, I realized that had Kate's book just been her career advice and her somewhat daffy personal essays, I would have valued it so much more. The impressive example she's set with her achievements is not-so-subtly undermined when she extols the virtues of "walk[ing] around your home with no top on. Feel[ing] the breeze with your breasts!" I realize that she's branded herself quite strongly as EIC of Cosmo (hell, she mentions it every five pages in her book) but that doesn't mean that her voice has to be "sexified" all the time. Last night, Kate told us that we need to "break all the rules" to succeed. Maybe she should listen to herself and stop shilling hackneyed "mattress moves so hot, his thighs will go up in flames."

Moe: You're totally right. She doesn't even like talking about sex! She should really be at a more serious women's magazine. Too bad there are none!

Earlier: Jessicas Are All Pretty Bitches