15. Russian Glamour, June 2009
Beyoncé's skin looked digitally darkened on the cover of Russian Glamour — and the editors had a guide! A magazine called Joy used the same shot in December 2007. Was something lost in translation? Save your "black Russian" jokes until the end.

14. L'Oreal, August 2008
Beyoncé's skin seemed very light in ads for Feria haircolor. One theory: she was washed out by the strong lighting usually used in shooting hair.

13. Vogue, November 2009
The cast of Nine is chock-full of gorgeous women, but this shot is a mindscramble of random rays of sunlight in hair and dresses with edges so sharp they look like they're for paper dolls. As I wrote in October: "I'm guessing [Annie] Leibovitz shot them each separately and then did a composite, but when you have a person who doesn't cast a shadow on the lady next to her, then that person is a vampire." Poor Kate Hudson looks like she was slapped on as an afterthought.

12. Complex, April/May 2009
Kim Kardashian's waist was cinched, her thighs were slimmed, her skin skin smoothed out and her hairline was cleaned up. Plus, her head appears to be a different shape in the "after" image. Who would have thought a skull could be made "sexier"?

11. Self, September 2009
Kelly Clarkson's "Total Body Confidence" came from digitally slimming her waist and behind. Two Self editors explained that the cover: "is not, as in a news photograph, journalism. It is, however, meant to inspire women to want to be their best."

10. King Arthur poster, 2004
Movie marketers felt they must, they must, they must increase the bust. Ironically, Keira Knightley told the Guardian that she lost her chest, doing archery and preparing for the role:

To fight, convincingly, shoulder to shoulder, she had to do that thing that is so de rigueur, which is totally to change your body shape. "I was about three times the size I am now. It worried me, but it was cool, it was a body that was doing what it should do. I haven't got a clue because I don't weigh myself, but it was all muscle and I was big. My neck disappeared. My chest flattened even more. It wasn't the most feminine thing in the world, but it worked for the part, because there was strength there, and it was needed."

Of course, Hollywood can't imagine a world in which people would see a movie starring an athletic, flat-chested woman. So a digital boob job followed.

9. Redbook, July 2007
The crazy thing about the Faith Hill Redbook cover is not that it was Photoshopped — it's that this is the standard amount of digital altering that goes into a cover. Unlike some true Photoshop disasters, there are no alarming mistakes here to tip you off. That makes it easy to accept the retouched image without even blinking. Faith Hill is a beautiful woman. But she needed 11 different kinds of alterations before she could be on the cover of Redbook. What a world.

8. Campari calendar, 2008
Jessica Alba: Just another woman whose real body wasn't good enough. In this case, her waist needed to be nipped in so she could shill liquor.

7. Vogue, May 2008
RoboGwyneth looks like a robot, or an alien, depending on whom you ask. One thing is for sure: Her head and neck are not in the same space-time continuum.

6. Redbook, June 2003
Jennifer Aniston's head was placed on to Jennifer Aniston's body — from another photo shoot. At the time, her publicist, Steven Huvane, said: "It's a combination of three pictures. If you're going to do it, then at least match her head up to her body, and make the neck look like it belongs to her. I still can't figure out which exact picture the face came from." A Redbook spokeswoman downplayed the changes: "The only things that were altered in the cover photo were the color of her shirt and the length of her hair, very slightly, in order to reflect her current length."

The neck does look alarmingly unreal, and her head and waist are out of sync somehow. Angelina is surely to blame.

5.Redbook, July 2003
The month after the Aniston debacle, Redbook was at it again: According to USA Today, "[Julia's] head comes from a paparazzi shot taken at the 2002 People's Choice awards. Her body, meanwhile, is from the Notting Hill movie premiere [in 1999]." Julia's publicist, Marcy Engelman, said, at the time: "It's a shame they didn't use the body that went with the head, because it was a great Giorgio Armani pantsuit (that she wore to the People's Choice awards)."

4. Newsweek, March 2005
The editors used Martha's head and a model's body, because Ms. Stewart was still in jail when the issue was being put together. It wasn't supposed to be a photograph, anyway, it was art: "The piece that we commissioned was intended to show Martha as she would be, not necessarily as she is,'' Lynn Staley, assistant managing editor at Newsweek, told The New York Times. Staley acknowledged that the cover carried a disclaimer: ''In this case, we identified this piece as a photo illustration." As Martha would say, it's a "good thing" you did.

3. Seventeen, May 2003
Think about all the Buffy plots which could have been orchestrated around Sarah Michelle Gellar's weird wrist appendage over there on the left, if her arm actually looked like that.

2. GQ, February 2003.
Some people saw Titanic over and over again — but they never saw those legs, on the left. Kate Winslet was pissed about being trimmed down on this cover, saying:

"The retouching is excessive. I do not look like that and more importantly I don't desire to look like that. I actually have a Polaroid that the photographer gave me on the day of the shoot… I can tell you they've reduced the size of my legs by about a third. For my money it looks pretty good the way it was taken."

1. Ralph Lauren Blue Label ad, October 2009
In which model Filippa Hamilton was turned into a string of spaghetti.

• Rihanna made fun of Tila Tequila on a radio show, so naturally, Tila's only option was to claim that Rihanna has herpes and declare that she's now on "Team Chris."

• In a long rant on her website, Tila wrote: "Since you're still cascading around town like you're a prefect little princess, angel…..honey I hate to burst your bubbles…..but yes….yo shit really do stink, and even worse…..yo shit has STD's, known as HERPES, down in your private area." She added, "NOTE TO CHRIS BROWN: I honestly think that you have paid your dues, and I'm definitely on TEAM CHRIS NOW! GO CHRIS! YOU CAN MAKE YOUR COMEBACK AND I FULLY SUPPORT YOU! You have admitted to what you did, and apologized numerous times, You have learned from your mistakes and I think people should really leave that in the past now and let you do your thing." It's an even classier move when you consider that Tila is suing Shawne Merriman over an alleged domestic violence incident. [ONTD]
• Four photos have surfaced of Tiger Woods' alleged mistress Jaimee Grubbs wearing only a thong. She took the photos herself with a cell phone in a bathroom mirror. [Radar Online]
• Jaimee Grubbs' ex-boyfriend Richard Palermo claims, "Jaimee sent naked pictures to me. She has an iPhone so she just takes them and emails them to me. She sent them to me roughly three months ago." There's a description of what she's doing in the pictures here, if you must know: [Radar Online]
• Perez Hilton claims that people are shopping nude pictures of Rachel Uchitel taken on a cell phone. He probably got her confused with Tiger's other mistress, though there being two sets of nude cell phone pics isn't all that unlikely. [Perez Hilton]
• Rachel Uchitel told friends she did drugs with Tiger Woods before they had sex. A source calims Rachel told her, "You know you have crazier sex on Ambien - you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex." [Radar Online]
• Hugh Hefner weighed in on the Tiger Woods scandal saying, "I think the only surprise in it, quite frankly, is that anybody would be surprised... If you're a good-looking guy and young and healthy, the notion that there would be something else going on, well, marriage is just a convenience. It's very nice for raising kids, but the notion that monogamy lasts forever is a wish!" Thanks, Hef. [E!]
• Jake Gyllenhaal referred to Reese Witherspoon as his girlfriend in an interview, sending all the tabloid reporters that insisted they had split up into a tizzy. "I've learned so much from the kids in my life, and somehow they just become the center of your life and the way you look at things," said Jake. "Obviously I exist in my girlfriend's world and my sister's world in a different way, but it's opened my heart and I feel much more grown up and want to be grown up as a result of it." [People]
• Tom Brokaw was involved in a fatal 3-car accident in New York today. Tom and his wife Meredith released a statement describing the crash that said: "Neither Tom nor Meredith were injured but tragically the driver of the SUV was thrown from her vehicle and killed. Tom and Meredith are greatly saddened by this loss of life." [TMZ]
• Rosie O'Donnell says she contacted Meredith Baxter after she came out earlier this week. "She's 62. She's the same age as Kelli's mother. When you think of that, that somebody at Kelli's mother's age came out... you know, that's big," said Rosie. "Good for her, man. Live your truth... Go in peace. It's not that hard. Fight the fear. Life in fear everyone's gonna find out you're gay... Have faith. Tell people it's going to be all right. The truth is the only way through." [Extra]
• A woman tried to serve Jennifer Aniston with papers requiring her to testify in a sexual harassment case against a Hollywood agent who has been accused of walking around naked in front of his former assistant and showing her woman-on-horse porn. Jen didn't take the document so the woman left it on her windshield and her bodyguards picked it up, which lawyers say still counts. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston's yoga instructor Mandy Ingber declared that her client has the perfect body. "Women look to her as the perfect blend," said Ingber. "She's very natural. Who has a better body than Jennifer Aniston?" [Extra]
• Though Star claimed the cops came to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's house in L.A. to break up their "worst fight ever," the police were actually responding to their burglar alarm accidentally going off. "We went out and checked to make sure it's a false alarm, and if it's false, we leave. That's basic protocol. That one was a real basic false alarm," says LAPD Sgt. Kyle Kirkman. [Us]
• A source insists the reports that Lindsay Lohan hooked up with Cash Warren, Jessica Alba's husband, are "totally untrue... the rumors are hurtful but they're just so ridiculous." [People]
• Miley Cyrus got a new tattoo of the words "Just Breathe" under her left boob. [Daily Mail]
• Newlyweds Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom got into a fight at a L.A. restaurant. "Lamar caused a huge scene," said a source. "He got jealous because Khloe was texting at the table and he yelled at her to quit it. She refused, so he stormed off and sat alone at the bar. Khloe just ignored him." Khloe's friend was running back and forth between the two of them trying to make peace "but Lamar kept just saying 'I'm not talking to her. Let her talk to her phone. She can be alone with her phone.' It was bad." Are they in middle school? [Radar Online]
• Hulk Hogan's girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel has been wearing a giant diamond ring and sources say they're engaged. [N.Y. Daily News]
• Glee star Cory Monteith says he isn't dating his co-star Lea Michele. "We're great friends," he said. "We've become really close over the show, but we're just friends. We're not dating." [CNN]
• Gisele Bundchen continued flying planes in her eight month of pregnancy, but now she's put off the exam she need to become a helicopter pilot until next year. "She has stopped with her lessons. She stopped before Thanksgiving," says the president of Shoreline Aviation, where she's taking classes. "She's waiting to have the baby and then she's going to start up when things settle down again." [People]
• LeAnn Rimes got into another car accident. This time she backed into a security golf cart in a parking lot. [TMZ]
• Maya Rudolph gave birth tho her second child with director Paul Thomas Anderson on November 6. The baby's name is Lucille. [People]
• The feud between Al Roker and Speidi will never end! In a new interview, Roker said they "haven't done anything and still haven't done anything" to earn the fame they have. Then referring to Heidi saying she wants to be like Mother Theresa he said, "I don't know, maybe I'm wrong and I missed something but I don't think Mother Theresa posed nude in Playboy. I think she was known for good work, helping the poor, healing the sick, not showing her ta-tas off." [Popeater]
• Audrina Patridge put her own show on hold and signed on for the sixth season of The Hills. [Perez Hilton]
• MTV told Italian groups not to judge Jersey Shore until they saw last night's premiere... and now they're really mad. A rep from UNICO National said the organization "can't keep up with the volume of calls" from "outraged" Italian Americans adding, "I suffered through all 120 mins of that show and it was worse than I imagined." [TMZ]
• The Order of the Sons of Italy in America and the National Italian American Foundation have also condemned the show, for using "ethnic slurs, violence and poor behavior to marginalize and stereotype Italian-Americans." [UPI]
• Domino's has pulled their ads from Jersey Shore because "The content of this particular program is not right for Domino's Pizza." [TMZ]
• Twisted Sister guitarist Eddie Ojeda is recovering after emergency back surgery to repair a ruptured disc that forced him to miss a concert near Philadelphia. [AP]
• Pamela Anderson is recording a pop single called "High" — about "high" fashion, not drugs. Her friend Richie Rich says, "Pam says she wants to sing, but nothing too difficult, so she's just going to sing the word 'high' over and over." [Us]
• Kate Hudson said when she took her 5-year-old son Ryder to the set of Nine, "It was the first time I saw him in shock, recognizing what it is that I do. I really think it was the first time it hit him." [People]
• Simon Cowell he has one regret: doing a cameo in Scary Movie 3. He said: "I'll never forget going to that premiere and dying in my seat when the movie came on. I've never felt so embarrassed in my life. Lesson learned: Don't believe that you're good at other things. I might be okay as a judge, but I'm a lousy actor." [EW]
• "I was 211 pounds when I delivered my son, so I know what it is like to be obese and fat and miserable," says Jenny McCarthy. "I'm 5'6 so it was a tough thing to carry around; losing it is something I'm very proud of." [Fox News]

[Beverly Hills, November 28. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• John Mayer went to a gay club in Palm Springs on Saturday night. According to an eyewitness, a man approached him and "planted a big kiss right on his lips – and John seemed to enjoy it!"

• The whole club cheered, says the source. [Radar Online]
• Farrah Fawcett left $4.5 million to her son Redmond O'Neal in a trust. Her nephew, father, and ex-boyfriend Greg Lott each received $500,000 or less. Ryan O'Neal and her best friend Alana Stewart received nothing. [Star]
• Chris Brown says he isn't ready to date yet. "I've been kinda chillin'," he says. "I mean, I'm Chris Brown. I'm not saying it like that, but it's just, like, girls are gonna be around. I love women. But I would say I've just been chillin'. I haven't really been trying to get into a relationship or trying to date anybody. I've just kinda been working on me. Like I said, just really getting me straight." [People]
• Jon Gosselin's lawyers are demanding that TLC not be allowed to seal his contract with the network in their lawsuit. They claim TLC is "hiding" the contract from the public and said it "will no doubt become a learning tool used in Contract 101 Law School classes as an example of what not to do when drafting an agreement that you want to be enforceable." [Radar Online]
• "I know my haircut takes a lot of flak as far what people call it and whatever," says Kate Gosselin. "But it works for me and I have very thick hair and it's easy and that's what I need." [People]
• Amy Winehouse wants to get a nose job because she says the tip looks "witch like." A source says, "Since her boobs, she's been scrutinising her body. Everyone tells her there's nothing wrong with her nose. But Amy does nothing by halves. Now she's beaten drugs, plastic surgery must not become her next obsession." [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse was admitted to the hospital last night because she had an adverse reaction to cold medicine. "Amy took over-the-counter stuff for a cold but it didn't agree with medication she takes for her on-going recovery. She felt rubbish when she woke on Sunday morning," said a source. "A doctor came to her house and advised her to go to the hospital to make sure she was all right." [Daily Express]
• The jury selection in the trial of Barry P. Carpenter, one of the two men accused of breaking into the home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate Michelle Ross, began today. The prosecutor announced that Ross will testify against him. [E!]
• Janet Jackson says she thinks Dr. Conrad Murray is responsible for Michael Jackson's death and shouldn't be allowed to practice medicine. "He was the one that was administering," she said. "I think he is responsible." [ABC News]
• In court today, the mother of Dr. Conrad Murray's son said she'd waive the $13,000 he owes her in child support as long as he pays her $1,003 a month from now on. The judge said he didn't understand why she waived the back pay, but it's her right to do so. [TMZ]
• Vivid Entertainment offered Carrie Prejean millions of dollars to distribute her sex tapes but she turned them down. [TMZ]
• The family of the pilot who died in the South Carolina plane crash that DJ AM and Travis Barker survived settled with the companies that operated and owned the plane for $500,000. [TMZ]
• Carrie Underwood says the rumors that she's moving in with boyfriend Mike Fisher are untrue. "I read something recently that a certain someone and I were moving in together. This is beyond not true...just another example of people making stuff up out of thin air!" she wrote on her blog. [Us]
• Lisa Kudrow says there probably won't be a Friends reunion because "everyone is busy" and the original writers and creators Marta Kauffman and David Crane won't do it. "I guess they don't think it's a good idea," she said. [Us]
• 50 Cent and BET are sponsoring 50's Money For Moms's contest, in which single moms can enter an essay contest to win three prizes of $10,000. Or, as the press release puts it: "Amidst tough economic times, 50 Cent is implementing his own stimulus package, specifically to help single mothers." [UPI]
• Jay-Z, Will Smith, and Jada Pinkett Smith have singed on as producers of the new Broadway musical Fela!. [N.Y.T.]
• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has confirmed that she'll be starring on Broadway in the spring. "I'm honored to be reprising my role as Chicago's Roxie Hart, returning to the stage and joining this amazing cast," she says. "Being on Broadway is a childhood dream come true." [People]
• Ryan Reynolds will perform in the comedy Celebrity Autobiography: In Their Own Words next week. He'll read from Kenny Loggins The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on teh Path of Love. [N.Y. Times]
• Lady Gaga says her performance on Gossip Girl tonight is "a little bit more of a fashion montage... It's very performance art." [People]
• Chace Crawford says of training for his role in the Footloose remake, "I can't get too detailed with it, but it's an all-around training process. It's very intense. But I'm learning exponentially, which is good. I started off in the frustration zone, and now it's gotten to where I enjoy going every day." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Jenna Elfman, who is pregnant with her second child, says, "You know, the main cravings are done with. Now it's just eating in general. I like stuffing food down my face." [People]
• Helen Mirren will receive the Lifetime Achievement award at the Women In Film And Television Awards on December 4. [The Mirror]
• Katie Price is worried that she'll have to eat animal genitalia on I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here."I bet I get to eat a willy. I can't eat a willy!" she said, "I have requested that because I have veneers [on my teeth], if there is anything nice and chewy, I better have a knife and fork - otherwise I won't be able to chew it." [The Sun]
• Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag were supposed to be interviewed by Al Roker again on the Today show this morning, but a rep for the show said, "Due to a change in the show's schedule, we had to cancel the interview with Spencer and Heidi Pratt." [Us]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt say they are pitching their own reality show to networks. They want to do both The Hills and their new show at the same time because, Heidi says, "you don't get to see our everyday lives and what we do." [AP]
• "My plan is to maybe stop taking my birth control," says Heidi Montag in a clip from The HIlls. "Spencer doesn't know how much he wants a family. I think we need a family — and I'll make the call!" [Us]
• German cops temporarily detained Dennis Rodman today because he was accused of bailing on a $5,100 alcohol bill at his hotel room. He thought the hotel was picking up the tab and paid when he was pulled over. [TMZ]
• Penny Marshall addressed the rumors that she's "battling for her life" after being diagnosed with brain cancer and liver tumors saying, "I know... there's all that shit. I'm walking and talking and I'm fine." [Extra]
• "I got sober for good on December 7, 2008," says Jodie Sweetin. "I was flying to L.A., and I ended up taking a bunch of Nyquil and drinking a s—-load. When I got home, I got a call that there was an emergency custody investigation because of my drinking. From that day forward, I threw myself into going to AA and avoided people who do blow off their coffee tables." [Us]
• Jessica Alba wrote an editorial for The Huffington Post about her recent trip to D.C. to campaign for 1GOAL: Education for All. "I believe that 2010 is the year for a breakthrough on global education," wrote Alba, "With the World Cup in Africa and the eyes of the world on the continent, we can connect the energy of this global game with the power of the negotiating table at the world's leading forums like the G20, G8 and UN Millennium Development Goals Summit." [Huffington Post]
• Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman-Palladino says, "I wanted different things for Rory. I wanted her to follow a different sort of path… [go] off on her own adventure, which I guess she sort of did. I haven't [actually] seen the last season, but I heard about it from other people." [EW]
• Reese Witherspoon says, "I like to throw things away. I'm obsessed with garbage." After holidays she'll put some of her trash in her neighbors' cans and says, "I also put on rubber boots if there's too much garbage and I'll stand on the garbage and smash the garbage down... I'm, like, a garbage compactor." [Daily Express]
• Mariah Carey is upset about illegal music downloads. She says: "Frickin' idiots! A lot of big, powerful music industry executives made a giant mistake and now we're all paying the price. They gave the music business away on the internet. If they had just sat back and said, 'Maybe let's figure this internet thing out, it could be something cool,' we could have found a way to distribute music online on our own terms, not somebody else's. Prince had already shown them the way. He was so far ahead of the curve, putting his records out on the web. Everyone else was stupid." [Contact Music]
• Nicole Kidman says she got cast in Nine because she was breast-feeding at the time. "They're not very big, my boobs, so they just became normal size. I loved it!" she said. "I felt very Woman. When you've had a slightly androgynous body your whole life, having breasts is a nice feeling... I wouldn't get cast now." [People]
• In Going Rogue Sarah Palin writes that the line she wanted to say to Alec Baldwin on Saturday Night Live was, "Hey, Baldwin, weren't you supposed to leave the country after the last election?" He has always insisted his line about leaving the country if George W. Bush won was fabricated. His rep says, "It's a complete fallacy. But then, once Palin knew that, after telling her [it wasn't true], she said, ‘Well, let's say it anyway,' like she needed it to be true." [Hollywood Insider]
• In The Private Lives of Pippa Lee Julianne Moore plays a lesbian who commands Blake Lively to receive a spanking. "Julianne is very professional," said Lively. "I thought it was going to be really awkward, but as soon as they called action she snapped into the strongest character-it made it easy for me not to laugh or feel weird." As for wearing a leash, Lively said she felt, "Scared, but kind of enjoyed it." [Style]

The Killer Inside Me is set for release in 2010; its five minute trailer promo gives away a good chunk of the plot, which seems to involve quite a lot of graphic violence against women. This isn't particularly surprising, considering the long-standing media fascination with sex crimes, and the rising acceptance of rape scenes on prime time television (we're particularly reminded of the Last House on the Left trailer, which clearly showed a very young actress being raped). However, the level of violence shown in the clip is striking, and given the context, quite disturbing.

The film is based on a 1952 novel by the same name by writer Jim Thompson. According to Wikipedia, the novel centers around a young deputy sheriff living in a small town in western Texas, who has always felt the presence of some sort of "dark rider," to use the Dexter-terminology. Lou Ford is a sadistic monster, but he generally keeps his sociopathic tendencies under wraps (except for that one time when he sexually abused a young girl as a teen). As an adult, Ford takes up with a prostitute, in an apparently consensual sadomasochistic relationship that ends in her death. He then attempts to cover her murder by embarking on a series of killings, which ultimately ends up exposing his "sickness" to the world.

Judging by the clip, director Micheal Winterbottom has decided to stay pretty close to the source material. It's clear that Ford is a fucked up dude, who escalates from isolated acts of torture to beating his lover until her face is memorably described as "stewed meat, hamburger." Gwen from Sociological Images writes:

Clearly, Casey Affleck's character is a sadistic asshole (the cigar on the guy's hand), but in the promo, at least, the graphic, sexualized violence is reserved for women…who also appear to like it, at least for a while. Jessica Alba gives in to him, and apparently starts a relationship with him, after he pulls her pants down and whips her. Perhaps that's because she's a prostitute; of course she'd like a dominant man who plays rough, right?

The thing is, you could make this movie and tell the same story without actually showing all the violence in such a graphic way. Movies imply things all the time. It's a choice to show this type of violence toward women as a form of entertainment…and to show the women liking it.

Full disclosure: I'm a horror movie fanatic, and I generally don't shy away from violence on film. I have no problem with Tarantino, and I've seen more of the Saw franchise than I'd like to admit. And yet, Gwen's final comments hit the nail on the head as to why this is particularly bothersome. Not only do we get a truly horrific glimpse of Jessica Alba's face after she's been beaten to death, but we also see the start of their relationship, which begins with a beating, followed immediately by passionate, consensual sex.

It's this series of events that bothers me. Less than a minute in, we see him carry a screaming Jessica Alba to the bed, where he turns her over and whips her with his belt while she screams in pain. Suddenly, something changes - he's no longer an abuser, but a lover. Now, there is nothing wrong with enjoying some healthy, consensual BDSM, but those relationships don't start out as a brutal attack. As far as I can tell, it appears that the first time these two characters meet, he begins to act out his violent fantasies upon her, but it's turns out O.K. (for awhile), because she likes it! This is a dangerous way of approaching sexual violence, for although she may be enjoying the spanking, it is clear that she is never in control. And this is the main problem with portraying rape fantasies and BDSM sex: If there is no discussion of power-play, it just ends up sending the message that women like rape or want to be beaten. Furthermore, Lou Ford's penchant for violence is explained away simply as a "sickness," which, while it may be good for the plot, glosses over the prevalence of rape culture. In making this an illness, particular to one individual, the movie is able to dabble in the same tropes that we see over and over again, and exploit the thrill of watching violence against women, without touching the greater issues at play. So unless Winterbottom is willing to delve into the dynamics of consent/control, The Killer Inside Me will be no better than a snuff film.

"The Killer Inside Me" Promo [Sociological Images]
The Killer Inside Me (Novel) [Wikipedia]
The Killer Inside Me [IMDB]

[Los Angeles, October 22. Image via WENN.]

[Los Angeles, October 16. Image via WENN]

[Beverly Hills, September 30. Image via INF]

[Beverly Hills, September 27. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Gerard Butler is not, repeat, not dating Jennifer Aniston.

"I love her to death," he says. "She's the coolest and she's become a great friend, but there's nothing going on. And if there was, I'd be happy to say it!" Next week's tabloids covers: JEN'S HEARTBREAK! REJECTED BY GERARD! [E!]

• Starbucks barista to Nicole Kidman: "You know who you look like — that lady who used to be married to Tom Cruise. What's her name?" [Page Six]
• Randy and Evi Quaid were arrested yesterday, but they posted bail last night after the Presidio County Sheriff was kind enough to drive them to an ATM. Apparently law enforcement sources believe Randy and Evi have a pattern of staying in pricey hotels and not paying when they leave. [TMZ]
• Jude Law is the biological father of a newborn child, but he has told his one night stand Samantha Burke that he will not see their daughter for three months. He needs to finish Hamlet on Broadway first. [Telegraph, Telegraph]
• Bruce Willis doesn't like Facebook: "It's frightening, I think it's like the fall of Rome. Three years from now, after all the bees are dead..." [Mirror]
• In her book, Mackenzie Phillips claims she had sex with Mick Jagger when she was 18 (he would have been around 35). "I've been waiting for this since you were 10 years old," Jagger allegedly told her. She says: "I'd known Mick since I was a kid, and maybe most people think their parents' friends are old and gross. But this was Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger! He was hot. He had the most perfect ass in history." [NY Post]
• Britney Spears' 50/50 custody split with Kevin Federline will continue, at least through the end of the year. [TMZ]
• Chris Brown has booked his first show since assaulting Rihanna in February: He'll play Power 105.1's Powerhouse '09 concert with Keri Hilson, TheDream and Trey Songz. A source says: "Chris isn't advertiser-safe yet - his image has a long way to go… But for this show, he'll draw a crowd, so the producers of the show are willing to pay." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Jessica Alba's one-year-old daughter Honor is becoming bilingual. "I am a mother who shoves information down her throat, poor thing," Jessica says. "I sing her songs about colors in Spanish and English when I'm cooking. Literally I integrate learning into everything I do. We're into colors because I feel that's something a 15-month-old can sort of identify. So now she kind of points to blue and says 'azul' and I say 'Yes, azul, muy bien!' It's slow going but she's sort of picking it up." [People]
• How is Travis Barker doing after surviving a plane crash and the death of his good buddy DJ AM? Friend Rob Dyrdek says he's doing "better than I would probably think anyone would really expect." [People]
• "Mariah Carey is in a happy place with projects, love life." [USA Today]
• Brody Jenner's girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, is suing Joe Francis, alleging assault and battery. Joe Francis' response: "Jayde Nicole is an absolute and total liar. The only thing that Jayde Nicole is famous for is having a tattoo of the word 'respect' above her vagina." What does that have to do with anything? [TMZ]
• Khloe Kardashian's fiance, Lamar Odom, called off his bachelor party, which was to be hosted by Joe Francis and Khloe's brother Rob. Lamar opted for a private dinner with his teammates (and Joe and Rob) instead, which sounds like a smart move. [TMZ]
• Lamar Odom's bachelor party was supposed to have "stripper poles, midgets, and tons of candy." Because Joe Francis is classy like that. [Page Six]
• Sources says Ok! magazine will pay $300,000 for an exclusive on Khloe Kardashian's wedding. The money will go to Khloe and her mom. [Gatecrasher]
• Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's former "number one" girlfriend, is getting her own reality show, Planet Holly. Holly says: "It's the perfect excuse for me to be normal in a lighthearted comedy romp. Think Mary Tyler Moore.' Um… MTM did not pose nude or have implants, though, right? [NY Daily News]
• Gossip Girl's Kelly Rutherford has filed court documents alleging that her stressful relationship with her ex husband has affected her ability to produce breast milk for her three-month old daughter. [Extra]
• Kelly Rutherford has been granted a temporary restraining order against her ex-husband, claiming he follows, threatens and scares her, her nanny, and her mother. [NY Daily News]
• Even though Kelis and Nas have been pictured together, their divorce is still on; there will be a hearing November 20. [TMZ]
• Jermaine Jackson's Michael Jackson tribute: "badly organized." [BBC News]
• Anne Heche says that she doesn't plan on marrying the father of her six-month-old child: "I want to stay in love." [E!]
• "Dancing with the Stars goes recession chic by reusing Shawn Johnson's costume for Natalie Coughlin." [NY Daily News]
• Click to see a picture of Emma Thompson is a Morris dancer outfit. [Daily Mail]
• Ricky Gervais explains how he got Philip Seymour Hoffman to do a cameo in his new film The Invention Of Lying: "I didn't know Philip Seymour Hoffman, but I sent him an email saying, 'Dear Philip, please do my new film. There's no money as I spent the entire budget on testicular implants. But don't think of them as my testicles, think of them as our testicles.' He loved it, and it worked." [Telegraph]
• From a great piece on Catherine Deneuve: "When we are talking of her role as a fashion model, and we reach the face, she confirms that she has never had any work done on it, while many of her age have. 'I haven't had the time,' she jokes. Then she adds: 'If you want an explanation, you would have to meet my mother. She is 98. It's genetic.'" [Times Of London]
• Edward Norton will play The Hulk in the Avengers movie. Norton says: "The thing about [Marvel's] universe that's fun is that it all cross-pollinates. Even when I was working on the script [for 'The Incredible Hulk'], I tried to plug in the whole Super-Soldier Serum from Captain America." [MTV News]
• "Olivia Newton-John claims to have seen UFO." [Telegraph]
• Justin Guarini, whose nose job nose is kind of insane, is getting married this weekend in a "spiritual," "intimate" service, which means Kelly Clarkson probably won't be there. [Prz]
• Brigitte Bardot is about to turn 75, and this column "reveals a life lived between bed and bedlam." [Daily Mail]
• Redmond O'Neal has been moved from jail to a an in-patient drug rehab facility. [People]
• Charles Manson follower Susan Atkins, who admitted killing actress Sharon Tate 40 years ago, has died. [NY Post]
• "As ailing showbiz mogul Dick Clark prepares to celebrate his 80th birthday in November, a new documentary threatens to tarnish his image by recounting his controversial beginnings." One word: Payola. [Reuters]
• "Richard Pryor's two children say they were never told their late father set up a trust for them…" [TMZ]
• "I haven't watched Vampire Diaries. And I haven't seen Twilight either." — True Blood's Stephen Moyer. [E!]
• "I think that by understanding Chanel's character and different sources of inspiration, you understand the rest of her life." — Audrey Tautou. [WSJ]
• "It's the first time that I really want to have kids. I've been very fortunate in my career, and my life has been about that for so long that you get bored of it. You're ready for your life to be about other people and other things." — Vince Vaughn, recently engaged... Will this turn into another "poor Jennifer Aniston" story? [People]
• "I wanna eat my potatoes and French fries and sponge cakes. When I play a role like this, I can't have my carbs and it makes me crazy." — Gerard Butler. [E!]
• "It's odd for my kids when they turn up at the theater and see me being a parent in a film. I know they're thinking, 'Who are these kids that are around my dad?' But they seem OK with it. Actually, my girls completely boss me. I have no power in my house whatsoever. I am the geek of my household. I am so low-status in my house, you wouldn't believe it. I'm definitely not treated like a movie star." — Clive Owen, who plays a widower dad in his new film The Boys Are Back. [Parade]
• "I love playing Peggy [Olson]. Finding the balance between playing her, finding new things, and not losing her, and constantly finding enough new stuff to keep her remaining herself…Playing her is an exercise in remaining simple, despite the fact that she is becoming more complicated. [She's] not out to hut anyone, she's just trying to figure out who she is. But it still is agenda-free. She is looking for her place in the world." — Elisabeth Moss, who is on the September cover of Vanice magazine. [JustJared]
• "Hitler was a genius orator. To make that many people turn and change and hate, he had to be a showman and he was." — Michael Jackson, on Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's tapes, which are now a book. [Daily Mail]
• Michael Jackson was asked by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, "Is there a lot of jealousy in your profession?" "Absolutely," Jackson says, "and 'M' is one of them. Madonna." [Page Six]
• "We're more in love than ever. It's great." — Patricia Arquette, who filed for divorce from husband Thomas Jane earlier this year but is now back with him. [People]
• "Atheism has been on the rise for years now, and the Bible of the atheists is [Darwin's] The Origin of Species. We have a situation in our country where young people are entering college with a belief in God and exiting with that faith being stripped and shredded. What we want to do is have student make an informed, educated decision before they chuck their faith.… I am proud to bring this to people's attention. You see things in the world that are truly distressing and you think, 'What can I do?' Well this is something I can do." — Kirk Cameron. [People]

[Los Angeles, September 1. Image via WENN]

[New York, July 15. Image via INFDaily.]

• Britney shouted, "What's up London?" at a recent gig… In Manchester. Mancunians were irritated. [Daily Mail]

• Beyoncé backed out of a performance at a club in New York — and the club owner says he's already spent $100,000 preparing for the show. Lawsuit threat! [Page Six]
• Rihanna is expected in court on Monday as a witness in Chris Brown's assault case; her testimony will not be televised. [CNN]
• Angelina was taping Anderson Cooper 360 for World Refugee Day and said: "I usually just explain to [my kids] that there are other families in the world that aren't as fortunate as ours and other kids'...And so I tell them that it's important for all of us to do what we can and then go to these places and understand what's happening, Hopefully I'll take them to as many countries as I can and raise them with an education of the world." [E!]
• Here's a transcript of Anderson Cooper's interview with Angelina. [CNN]
• Oh for the love of God. Someone has their hands on a sex tape starring Leighton Meester — Blair from Gossip Girl — and it involves her "very talented feet." [TMZ]
• Jessica Alba has sent a donation to the United Way after defacing on of their billboards. Good idea! [E!]
• Sacha Baron Cohen wore a bull outfit in Spain yesterday. As you can see in this picture, his black costume had horns, a prominent penis and a hooves. He was attended by cute bullfighters. [USA Today]
• Katherine Heigl is staying on for season six of Grey's Anatomy. [E!]
• If Jill Scott is nominated for an Emmy for The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency and wins, she'll be the first African-American actress to have a best TV drama actress award. [LA Times]
• Dina Lohan, a little late on the uptake, has commented that her daughter Lindsay Lohan had nothing to do with the jewelry theft from an Elle photo shoot. Yeah. We know. Dina also says: "Last month her personal cell was posted online and now her phone messages have been hacked. This must stop. She is a 22-year-old girl who needs to live her life in peace. The tabloids need to leave her alone with all the lies and reporting with no proof." [People]
• Just what you always wanted: Jennifer Love Hewitt is writing a dating book called The Say I Shot Cupid. "I thought it was time to share the real story of what I've learned navigating the dating waters," she says. "Hopefully, in addition to having a good laugh, women reading this will learn from some of my hard lessons." [People]
• Shanna Moakler, who resigned as president from the Miss California USA organization, says: "If Donald Trump gives his blessing, I'll be back in a heartbeat." [E!]
• Hmm: Did Olive Garden pull its ad dollars from David Letterman's show after his kerfluffle with Sarah Palin? [Ad Age]
• Conan O'Brien is beating David Letterman in certain demographics, but Letterman is close behind in total viewers. [Variety]
• "Today I begin my fast for Darfur." — Maria Bello. [Huffington Post]
• Oh, dear: Amy Winehouse is causing trouble on St. Lucia. Just by being there! An "influential local newspaper proprietor" believes that Amy's stay on the island is good publicity; a former government spin doctor says Amy should have been arrested and kicked out of the country by "the morality police." [Guardian]
• In this story, Beth Ditto goes off on Katy Perry and her "party song" "I Kissed A Girl." Ditto says: "As a gay person, it's like, 'Oh, of course this straight person singing about kissing a girl goes straight to Top 40 and people buy this record. Who can give a fuck about real gay people?' That's what's really painful about the whole thing." [Spinner]
• George Michael was banned from driving for 2 years, but now he's back behind the wheel, with a new car: a $200,000 Ferrari California. Something subtle and low-profile. [Luxist]
• Au revoir! David and Victoria Beckham are thinking of selling their home ins the South of France. [The Sun]
• David Archuleta's dad has pleaded no contest to "patronizing" a prostitute in a Salt Late City massage parlor. And he doesn't mean he was condescending to her. He means he was a customer! He paid a $582 fine and completed a counseling class. [USA Today]
• LeAnn Rimes is not getting a divorce, says LeAnn's rep. [E!]
• Josie Bissett will return to Melrose Place — as a guest star. [People]
• Do Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo live under a rock? They have never heard of Susan Boyle. [Us Magazine]
• "Susan Boyle was dropped from a second Britain's Got Talent concert last night after launching into a bizarre rant over her beloved cat Pebbles." [Daily Mail]
• In this interview, Tyrese refers to himself in the third person and says: "I believe that people are going to love Transformers 2." Of course you do. [USA Today]
• OMG. If Susanne Bartsch had been on the Real Housewives Of New York it would have been a much different show. She is a legend, a spectacle and a freak show — rolled into one — in the best possible way. [NY Mag]
• Check out this zany interview with Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, the Mr. Show duo, who are reuniting for a string of Chicago shows. [Milwaukee Decider]
• You've gotta love these pictures of Sienna Miller "stumbling" out a club with rumored romantic interest, Irish comedian Patrick Kielty — her hair's disheveled and he's got a cocktail in his hand as he sits in the cab. [Daily Mail]
• But wait! Don't miss these pictures of Kate Moss writhing on stage with Pink Floyd's David Gilmour as she sings at a karaoke party. [Daily Mail]
• LOL: Robin Wright Penn calls Keanu Reeves a "gentle giant." [The Star]
• When asked about Sean Penn, Robin joked: "Thank God somebody's staying with the kids!" [Mirror]
• "Heidi Fleiss speaks up for tropical birds." [Sadie Frost is 44 and single and just hosted a speed-dating night, which is "news." [Daily Express]
• Common and Queen Latifah will star in a sports romance called Just Wright, in which a sports trainer finds herself falling in love with a professional basketball player while rehabilitating him from a career-threatening injury. [Variety]
• Kevin Williamson is working on a new Scream trilogy, but Neve Campbell refuses to be in it. Williamson's Twitter reads: "This sucks." [ONTD]
• Hollywood is out of ideas, part MCDLXXXV: Teen Wolf remake. On the way. [Movie Hole]
• Gravely ill: Walter Cronkite. [NY Post]
• Jeremy Piven hasn't eaten fish in 10 months. [People]
• Blind item! "Which music mogul looks at himself in the mirror every morning and recites an ode to his greatness?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I would love to do [a movie about] Harriet Tubman. I think maybe one day a slave epic. Apart from Roots, which was on television, I don't think there's been a serious film dealing with slavery in this country. It would need alternative means of finance. It's not something that you could get made through the traditional Hollywood system." — from "10 Questions With Spike Lee." [Time]
• "Jennifer does not share the same sense of humor as me - she did not like my jokes. I was picking on [Jen's husband] Ben Affleck and making fun of him because I've known him for a really long time - I was talking smack - and Jennifer goes, 'You know, if you keep saying stuff about him, I'm going to kick your ass.' And she could - I've seen Alias. She has a real girly sense of humor and didn't understand that I was kidding." — Kevin Smith. [Gatecrasher]
• "It feels to me like [the band] has run its course at the moment. I'm not going to quit making music, and I probably will make some more Nine Inch Nails stuff down the road. But I'm going to try some different things now." — Trent Reznor says NIN is going on hiatus after a summer tour. [Newsweek]
• "If there's any turmoil, I think it's managing all of it, but having an incredible team that helps me do that it makes it very easy, or easier than it would normally be attempting to do it myself." — Usher on filing for divorce. [Mirror]
• "I'm embarrassed to say it was my first time voting-but my guy got in." — Ginuwine, who never paid attention to politics until Barack Obama came along. [US News & World Report]
• "Maybe because she doesn't look anything special, people identify with her. I get letters all the time from people who think she is real, and they give me fashion tips for dressing better, telling me that if I smarten myself up I'll be able to stand up to everyone better at the magazine." — America Ferrera, on her Ugly Betty character. [Daily Mail]
• "Right now I'm shouting out to real dads. Some are great role models with real academic achievements. Some are not ... We deserve the love!!! We put up with everything, standing true to what's real and letting life take its course protecting our household, our woman, our children, our family ... Biggest Shout To My Son On The Way!!" — Nas. (Wait, what?) [TMZ]
• "There was lot of material to memorize… Curb is improvised and I'm making it up as I go along in many cases. Here, I was doing someone else's words, which was really a pleasure, because you can get pretty sick of being yourself every minute of every day. To actually have a chance to say someone else's words, no less Woody Allen's, was fun." — Larry David, on being in Whatever Works. [WSJ]
• "I've been wearing similar outfits to Lady GaGa for years across Europe while I've been promoting my records. Now when I wear outrageous costumes people say I'm copying her. It really annoys me. She stole my look and I want it back." — Swedish singer September, who appears to favor rubber and blonde hair. [The Sun]
• "My parents' generation wasn't so good at that… Now, I try to talk to my kids - they don't want to hear it from me. They know." — Michelle Pfeiffer on giving the bird and bees talk. [NY Magazine]
• "I've known Sacha since he did Bruno when he was a young man and my son is named Bruno after him – partly after Bruno!" — Nigella Lawson. [Daily Express]
• "Back then everyone wanted their body to look like mine. Women would say: 'I've worked out for five years to look like you.' I'd trained constantly for the film, but I couldn't sustain my fitness." — Linda Hamilton's Terminator biceps hit the screen 25 (?!?) years ago. [Daily Mail]
• "Man, I'm not into that stuff. All I need is a brush. That and some Carol's Daughter Body Butter to keep off the ash. My family, we use this stuff at home. I wish I had the time to get manicures and pedicures, but the season is so crazy. Some people make the time, but I don't." — LeBron James, as he got a cucumber-and-lavender manicure. [NY Mag]
• "Who am I? I'm just another schmendrick who used to be in a goy band. I don't know what the hell that means either, but I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be funny… Ok, that's enough schtick in the box from me." — Justin Timberlake's jokes at an event at the United Jewish Federation, where his record label boss, Barry Weiss, was being honored. [AP]

• Jessica Alba put up posters of sharks in Oklahoma City — defacing a United Way billboard — and then took pictures of herself, arms raised victorious. Turns out…

The landlocked city wasn't too keen on being plastered with shark posters and the United Way — a non-profit — will have to pay to have them removed. Alba has released a statement which reads: "I got involved in something I should have had no part of. I realize that I should have used better judgment and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign. I sincerely apologize to the citizens of Oklahoma City and to the United Way for my involvement in this incident." By the by, the "campaign" is supposed to raise awareness of Great White sharks, not that the posters have any text about that, anywhere. [TMZ]

• Kendra Wilkinson: Pregnant. [Perez]
• LOL: "Beyoncé drives 15 yards from hotel to go shopping." Involved: Two chauffeur-driven cars and a "group" of bodyguards. [Telegraph]
• Brad Pitt hit up the Art Basel event in Switzerland and purchased a swirly oil painting of a race car (seen here) for just under one million bucks. [WSJ]
• Madonna is "on top of the world" and "just days away" from adopting Malawian kid Mercy James, who will arrive in NYC via private jet. [The Sun]
• Britney is trying to get rid of London concert tickets, selling them at the bargain-basement price of £2. [The Sun]
• And! A '"source" is confirming that Britney is dating her agent, Jason Trawick, whom she "always had a crush" on and is also one of her brother Bryan's best friends. [People]
• Uh-oh, Tonys drama: Even though Neil Patrick Harris was joking about it, and immediate word was that Bret Michaels was okay, Bret was never informed that the set piece would be descending — so he did not "miss a mark," as reported. And Bret's rep says: "Had this incident happened to Liza Minnelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John the Tonys would have at least issued a letter of concern." True that! [Rolling Stone]
• Kanye West and Amber Rose: Dunzo. In a word: Boo. They were hot together. [Page Six]
• Take a moment and read this great piece, in which John Krasinski interviews Maya Rudolph. [BlackBook]
• Chris Brown was at a club in Miami, and so was Khloe Kardashian, but a source makes sure to say: "They were not there together. [E!]
• Congrats to Thomas Beattie, the "pregnant man," who has given birth to his second child, a baby boy. [ABC News]
• "Jon & Kate more popular than Brangelina?" Apparently the People issue with Jon on the cover sold very well. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Headline of the day: "Tina Fey: Let's Face It; She Rocks." [LA Times]
• Ugh, these two are seriously playing things out in the press way too much: Kelly Rutherford's estranged husband says he wasn't notified of his daughter's birth on Monday night and had to read about it on the Internet like the rest of us plebes. [People]
• Good news: Mad Men and AMC have settled that dispute over the two minutes that were going to be cut. The solution: The show will run over into the 11pm hour. No complaints here! [Deadline Hollywood]
• Ugh, why, why?!?! "David Carradine Sex Toy Shopping List." [TMZ]
• The Australian Prime Minister is calling Gordon Ramsay a "new form of lowlife" after the chef called a female TV presenter a pig and a lesbian in front of 3,000 people at a live cooking show. [Independent]
• Gordon Ramsay has apologized for his comments, saying he realized "with hindsight" that what he said was inappropriate. But it can't be undone, sir! [The Star]
• Even Gordon Ramsay's mother was "disgusted" by his remarks. [Yahoo News via AFP]
• Set your DVR: Kathy Griffin will visit the Late Show with David Letterman for the first time in 12 years. [UPI]
  
• Want to see a picture of Mickey Rourke as Whiplsh in Iron Man 2? Click the link! [USA Today]
• Ever one to keep the world guessing, Lauryn Hill has canceled all of her European tour dates. [Yahoo News via AP]
• At the Apollo Theater's 75th Anniversary concert, Prince called Patti LaBelle "My mother, my teacher, my cook and my stylist." [Gatecrasher]
• James Van Der Beek and wife: Splitsville. Hoping someone will use that awesome weepy Dawson animated gif! [Us Weekly]
• Q: How do you maintain your ageless beauty? What beauty products would we find in your bathroom? Vanessa Williams: "Twice a year I receive Botox injections from a doctor whom I trust very much. I also have some favorite beauty products that I use on a daily basis-Perfekt's Skin Perfection Gel and Mila Moursi's moisturizing oil." Q: What defines sexy for you in terms of your own personal style at 46? Vanessa Williams: " Being at ease with yourself and your body is sexy. Every woman should accentuate their best assets and not be afraid to show them off." [Essence.com]
• Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson's son Colin Hanks got engaged, and Rita gave the bride-to-be a $10,000 handbag as congratulations. What will the wedding gift be??? [Page Six]
• For some reason, it is "newsworthy" that Katie "Jordan" Price is taking kickboxing. In fact, this paper spins it as she's "getting fit for her divorce." Dumb. [The Sun]
• Usher was seen entering a hotel with a woman who works at a record label. Business or pleasure? [Page Six]
• Etta James' At Last — along with twenty four other "culturally significant recordings" — have been selected for preservation in the sound archives of the Library Of Congress' National Recording Registry. [USA Today]
• "Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees is lending his voice to the fight for artists' rights in the age of digital piracy." [Breitbart]
• "Bombshell: He has been hailed as the greatest living Welshman, but records of Sir Tom Jones's ancestry have revealed the awkward truth: he is three-quarters English." [Times Of London]
• Blind item! "Which music man brings along three necessities on all his tours: men in tight shorts, muscular food servers and Persian rugs?" [Gatecrasher]
• "It was totally a publicity stunt. 100%. I have her [Peaches] on retainer. Not as my PR, as my friend. On my personal payroll. She's my friend for money. She also orchestrates publicity stunts for me." — Max Drummey, Peaches Geldof's ex-husband, joking (?) about their marriage. [Daily Mail]
• "It's been really unpleasant and makes you feel really vulnerable. But the fact of the matter is that we did not lose everything. We lost hard-earned money that we worked very hard for that was what we thought in a safe place. It's painful but a lot of people lost a lot more. And we have a lot of things to be grateful for in our life, and we never ever forget that." — Kyra Sedgwick on she and Kevin Bacon investing with Bernie Madoff. [AP]
• "My uncle owned a camp in Minnesota, a girls' camp that's still up and running called Camp Birchwood. All the cool things I know how to do, I learned how to do at camp… Like carry a canoe on my back for miles and miles. That's kind of cool." — Julia Roberts, who was at an event raising money for Paul Newman's Hole in the Wall camps. [USA Today]
• "Separate 'sexist' from 'sex.' There's a lot of discussion about sex on the show, and I think people have a knee-jerk reaction: 'Oh, my God, that's sexist!' People kind of lose their minds as soon as they hear the word or prefix 'sex.'" — David Duchovny. [LA Times]
• "I thought back to when I was in high school: I was very into music, but the equipment was really expensive and hard to get a hold of. The basketball court at school was free. Or it was free to play a violin or a drum set, but the way music on the radio is made, there was nothing in high school that helped with that." — Kanye West, on the the Kanye West Foundation, a charity which helps kids learn to write music and use music studio equipment. [USA Today]
• "There was no one who inspired me or who I thought was worthy." — Paul McCartney, on why he didn't vote in he European elections. [Telegraph]
• "Ryan is rock hard, but no no no no, nothing was hard. I'm sure it gets hard, but not that time, and it was all fine. I mean, I wouldn't know if he had anything down there because I never looked!" — Sandra Bullock on her nude scene with Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Q: How do you keep that body in shape? When I told a friend I was talking to you, he said, "Ask her how she gets that ass!" A: "I wasn't blessed in the upstairs department. Baby was given some back at birth. Didn't know what to do with it at first, but it's just what I got. The purpose is to maintain it and keep it where it is. I was an athlete all my life. I have an athlete's body. I don't have a model's body. We also get paid to go to the gym. But you know, I get lazy just like everyone else. I'm not a fanatic. I love to feel good, but I'll put on weight. But if you're getting paid to be naked, you do put the incline on six and stay on there a little bit longer because it's like, If my ass is going to be on camera, let's make sure it's in the right place when they start rolling film." — Sandra Bullock. [Yahoo News via E!]
• "My whole theory on this part is, I won the lottery. Not only am I on this show with incredible writers and all that, but I've been given a part they can have play good stuff and bad stuff, all at once. I'm not just in the comedic parts, I'm not just in the dramatic parts, it's an incredible role in which you can kind of ride the rail between both things." — John Krasinski, on The Office. [LA Times]
• "She's out there drinking and partying and she should not be doing that. People see her drinking. She should stay away from it. With the drugs, I think she's in a much better place than she used to be. But I have a problem with her being even on prescription medication." — Michael Lohan on daughter Lindsay. [Perez]
• "Truth… autographs R annoying." — Ashton Kutcher. [Perez]
• "I'm proud of my sexuality . . . I embrace it. [But] I'm trying to be a singer, not a civil rights leader." Adam "Glambert" Lambert. [Page Six]
• "I do not wear, buy or own fur or animal skin other than leather or skin of animals raised for feeding pur poses. I am not a vegetarian and I don't find it illogical to wear skins of animals whose meat is also eaten. I would gladly consider giving away sable, fox and other fur coats — if I owned any." — Carla Bruni, in a letter to PETA. [Page Six]
• I think Susan has an amazing voice. But she needs to work on the pose. I think she should come up with something new, since she's such a huge celebrity now. I suggest getting a stylist. She could look really hot if she just wore some pretty dresses." — Paris Hilton on Susan Boyle. [Mirror]

[Beverly Hills, May 31. Image via INF]

The executives at New Line Cinema can't wait to take more hard-earned cash from women who don't care about storyline and just want to see something about dating and love — again!

That's why there is a project in the works called Valentine's Day. It will hit theaters right before — wait for it — Valentine's Day, 2010. The plot? The plot is iffy. Something about "would-be romantics working their way through a tangle of circumstances in L.A." But that doesn't matter, because Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and Shirley MacLaine will be in it. And Bradley Cooper. New Line will come up with a way to work a story around these people, since all that matters is that there's money to be made. Apparently, He's Just Not That Into You proved that women want to go see "romantic" movies — with other women or a date — right around Valentine's Day.

I have nothing against romance, comedies, or romcoms. I love stuff like When Harry Met Sally, Flirting, and Amelie — thoughtful films with strong writing and characters who are forces of nature. But He's Just Not That Into You — a movie based on a self-help book based on a catchphrase from a TV show — lacked substance and soul; the characters might have well have been cardboard cut-outs with labels like "The Optimist" or "The Seductress" taped to them. And for every bad review, there was a person who said, "I'm gonna see it anyway." Now the studio has 94 million reasons to pull that shit again.

As I wrote earlier this year, when you go see a movie like He's Just Not That Into You, you're casting a vote, telling Hollywood you want more flicks in the same vein. And this is what HJNTIY's box office bonanza hath wrought: Valentine's Day. As a former screenwriting major, it is painful to read that this project is being dictated by a calendar date — along with a cast and director (Garry Marshall) — and not by an actual story someone was inspired to write.

Who knows? Maybe there will be some surprises! Maybe they'll change the title to Single Awareness Day. Maybe some great writer (writers, plural, probably) will be hired by the studio to come up with a perfectly charming Valentine's Day tale. (I can already guess that one woman, who you think will stay single, will suddenly find a date; one woman, who you think will have a date, will suddenly be single; and one couple will remain together despite going through a dilemma that should tear them apart.) But for now, I'm already announcing that I'm just not that into it.

Hollywood Has Feb. 14 Circled in Red [NY Times]

Earlier: Liveblogging He's Just Not That Into You
Cliché-Laden Chick Flick Tries To Convince You It's Not Full Of Clichés
He's Just Not That Into You: Gay Minstrel Show?
More Reasons Not To Get Into He's Just Not That Into You
He's Just Not That Into You - First Review
There's No Way You'll Be Into He's Just Not That Into You

[Washington, D.C., May 7. Image via Getty]

WASHINGTON - MAY 07: Actress Jessica Alba reads to children after a meeting at the Unity Health Care Upper Cardozo Clinic to discuss the struggles faced in accessing quality affordable healthcare on May 7, 2009 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Kris Connor/Getty Images)

• Miley Cyrus wants to dump her boyfriend Justin Gaston, but her father doesn't approve:

According to the National Enquirer, "Billy Ray thinks Justin is a solid, stand-up Christian guy who keeps his nose clean and stays out of trouble," says a source. But: "It's finally dawning on (Miley) that she's young, rich and famous," the source said. "And she can have any guy she's interested in." [MSNBC via National Enquirer]

• Poor Jonas Brothers: Their new show has fewer viewers than Miley Cyrus' Hannah Montana. [LA Times]
• Lindsay Lohan is hazardous to little sister Ali Lohan's health, says a psychiatrist who does not treat either of them. "If you have an older child who is breaking a lot of the rules and engaging in dangerous and risky behavior, this can have a negative impact on the younger child," says Dr. Eva Ritvo. Um, duh. [NY Daily News]
• The self-proclaimed father of Mercy, the child Madonna is trying to adopt, is being called an "opportunist" by Mercy's family. [NY Daily News]
• Did writer James Frey tape his phonecalls with Oprah Winfrey or did he just make it seem like he did, in a new "fictional" passage in his book? [Page Six]
• George Clooney is willing to help his buddy Rande Gerber — Cindy Crawford's husband — in regards to that sexual-harassment lawsuit filed against him. Turns out Cloons was with Gerber the night of the alleged incident. This should get interesting… [E!]
• Gerber says both he and Clooney are willing to take lie detector tests! [MSNBC Scoop]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Is Gisele Bundchen pregnant? [Page Six]
• Courteney Cox ran into Brad Pitt at a concert — you know, her best friend's ex-husband — and "chatted away" with him all night. Page Six seems to think this was evil of her. [Page Six]
• Spencer Pratt spoke to The Daily Beast, dropping gems like: "Heidi and I do we love fame… We're honored to be famous. We feel blessed to be famous. We pray every day to stay famous. It's the most fun. That's our mentality with fame. That's why we're so different than everybody else in these tabloids-because we embrace it." He also says: "Interscope can put $18 million behind Nicole Scherzinger's flop solo album, but Heidi and I are going the underground route, where iTunes takes its cut, and the rest goes to Heidi. Sure, Lady Gaga's got hit songs, but she's eating at Taco Bell. Heidi's got amazing songs and has her portrait on the wall at Cut [steak house in Los Angeles]." And! "Twittering is an absolute gift from God." [The Daily Beast]
• So you know how Jessica Simpson is, inexplicably, on the June cover of Vanity Fair? The mag's PR director says it's because: "She's at a crossroads in her career… Where she's headed - or not - says a lot about the nature of celebrity in America. And she looks pretty decent in a swimsuit, contrary to recent reports." All together now: *headdesk.* [MSNBC Scoop]
• Amy Winehouse has been "frolicking" with a "mystery man" in St. Lucia; as seen in these pictures, dude is dark & lovely. He may be a "local sheller" named Anton Moses; a source says: "Amy has become very cozy with Anton. Amy sets aside every evening to spend time with him and each day he saves her his best shell." [Daily Mail]
• The woman who is accused of having a thing with Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8 speaks! Deanna Hummel says: "We're just friends." [People]
• Susan Boyle is so popular now she's had to changed her phone number. For her home phone, that is: The "technophobe" has been given a mobile phone but is "nervous" about using it. [The Sun]
• Dolly Parton's children's book, I Am A Rainbow, drops May 14. "It's about moods - pink for shy, red for angry, green for jealous," she says. "It teaches children that we all have these moods; it's about what you do with them." [USA Today]
• Liam Neeson has spoken to the ski instructor who last saw Natasha Richardson alive. A source says: "He was very dignified and never sought to blame anyone - he just wanted to understand what happened for his own peace of mind." [The Sun]
• NBC wants advertisers to know that Jay Leno is "advertiser friendly," and "not afraid to experiment with live commercials and with sponsorships." Which doesn't sound desperate at all! [AdAge]
• "Since swine flu is super trendy I wanted to make sure I was in style with my swine flu ring!" blogged Katy Perry. There's a picture of her new ring, which is a sparkly flying piggy. Katy also blogged about a conversation she had with her cat, Kitty Purry: "Kitty Purry was telling me the other night that she remembers when bird flu was in and now pig flu is cool and she wonders when kitty flu is gonna hit," writes Perry, "as she would like to be more popular than she currently already is. Fame whore." [People]
• Ed Westwick was spotted kissing costar Jessica Szohr at the BritWeek charity football match in L.A., but when asked if his girlfriend was there to support him, Westwick answered, "My who?" [Mirror]
• Christina Aguilera will make her silver screen debut in a flick called Burlesque. She'll play "an ambitious smalltown girl with a big voice who finds love, family and success in a Los Angeles neo-burlesque club." In other words, yes, she will sing. [Variety]
• Jack White wants Kate Moss on his new band Dead Weather's album. As an aside: White Moss would be a cool name for a band. [The Sun]
• By the by, Meg White is engaged to guitarist Jackson Smith, son of Patti Smith and Fred Smith. [People]
• Also betrothed: Alyssa Milano and CAA agent Dave Bugliari, who just had an engagement party Saturday. [E!]
• Bebe Neuwirth was wed to Chris Calkins, founder of Napa Valley's Destino vineyard, in a "quiet" Buddhist/Christian ceremony performed by Peter Coyote, who has one of the best voices in showbiz. [Page Six]
• Mad Men! Returns! But will be sorta delayed! It was supposed to come back in July! But we'll have to wait until August! Still! Mad Men! Returns! [Variety]
• Click the link at the end of this sentence if you would like to see a giant Lego portrait of JK Rowling, which kids helped build. [Telegraph]
• Your friend Billy Zane has baby fever! "I'm single right now — and kind of loving it," he says. "[But] I hear the patter of little feet. But I foresee that - I sense it, I feel it, I feel it coming. It's just a sense that you get. I think I'm ready for fatherhood. But I'm not out there hunting for my bride - as of yet." Then he got in the lifeboat and left you behind. [Daily Express]
• Ed McMahon, who was suing L.A.'s Cedars-Sinai hospital for misdiagnosing a neck fracture, has settled his lawsuit. [TMZ]
• "Dallas star Victoria Principal 'threatened maid with a gun after accusing her of taking too long walking her dog.'" [Daily Mail]
• "It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity. It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life." — Bob Dylan to Rolling Stone. [Page Six]
• "You know, I've seen him [Springsteen] several times in concert, and I've only met him twice and I put out my hand and I mumbled. I couldn't get a sentence out. The same thing happened with Mick Jagger. We were on the plane coming back from Miami." — Henry Winkler, aka The Fonz. [Daily Express]
• "I no longer feel insecure about my acting. Early on I took any job that was offered, milking it for the money. I had no idea what I was doing - that's when insecurity and self-loathing start." — Tom Hanks, star of Turner Y Hooch. [Mirror]
• "My friend's mom, Wendy, blogs almost daily on a site called Wendy from Encore which goes great with my morning coffee. I like to catch up with my friends across the country by reading their blogs, which is ironic as the phrases 'my friend's blog,' 'blogging' or 'blogosphere' always make me cringe. I just happen to have some very clever friends who are wonderful writers and offer up a slice of real everyday life." — Scarlett Johansson. [The Daily Beast]
• "I always find it funny that so much skin-cream advertising features, like, Jessica Alba. She's gorgeous and 12!" — Brooke Shields to More. [Page Six]

• Rihanna's May 28 concert in the Middle East, the first since the Chris Brown assault, has been cancelled. The promoter says, "it is not appropriate timing for her." [Neon Limelight]

• Ciara's new album Fantasy Ride, which comes out tomorrow, includes a duet with Chris Brown. "Honestly, with that record, it's just more about the music for me," said Ciara. "I wanted to focus on the music and leave it at that, because it's a record that I've had for a while, I love the way it sounds and it's one of my most favorite records on the album. And if I alter it, it's not gonna sound the same." [Rolling Stone]
• A Malawi court has adjourned Madonna's adoption appeal case indefinitely. [Reuters]
• In an interview on CBS's Early Show, 15-year-old James Kambewa spoke out again against Madonna adopting his 3-year-old daughter, Mercy James, who he has never met. "I want to take care of her and I'm capable to take care of my baby," he said. "Mercy, she is a Malawian-so [I] need her to grow as a Malawian, as well with our culture." [E!]
• Here's a higher quality video of the fan who rushed on stage during a Britney Spears concert. Supposedly you can "see the fear in her face." [Perez Hilton]
• In this video chat, Pink says of the incident this weekend in which she denied that she is bisexual, that she marched against prop 8 and has spoken out on gay rights, so "if I were gay, do you really think I would have a problem coming out? There's nothing wrong with being gay. There's nothing wrong with being bisexual. I would be waving my fucking flag all over the place, but it's not my truth." [Perez Hilton]
• In this video from Beyonce's concert in Rotterdam the lights don't go on at the right time and she sings, "somebody's getting fired." [Perez Hilton]
• Roman Polanski's lawyer told a judge that the director won't appear at a hearing this week to seek dismissal of the sexual assault case against him, and argued that Polanski's presence is unnecessary. [AP]
• In a story that gives some disturbing insight into the U.S. legal system, the Supreme Court has ordered a federal appeals court to consider reinstating a $550,000 fine that the FCC imposed on CBS over Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction at the 2004 Super Bowl. The case had been put off while courts dealt with the FCC's policy on "fleeting" cursing. [L.A. Times]
• Days after being hospitalized for "dehydration," Amy Winehouse was spotted frolicking on the beach with a mystery man at her resort in St Lucia. You can check him out here: [The Daily Mail]
• George Clooney will testify against two former waitresses who say Rande Gerber sexually harassed them. Clooney, who was an eyewitness, will take a lie detector test to back up his claim that the allegations are false. [TMZ]
• Two bystanders were harmed during the filming of a Nicolas Cage movie in Times Square when a car skidded and knocked over a lamp post. Their injuries are not life threatening. [TMZ]
• One of Jamie Foxx's friends, who is not identified, said of Foxx insulting Miley Cyrus, "He almost lost it completely on The Soloist, so it's little wonder he went nuts on Miley like that. I mean, people just don't know how close to the edge he really was." [E!]
• Robert Duvall is campaigning to stop the construction of a Wal-Mart Supercenter near a Virginia Civil War battlefield where Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee first fought Ulysses S. Grant. Duvall is a descendant of Lee. [AP]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, is being sued, but lawyer Gloria Allred won't reveal her client's identity. She says it's, "an attempt to protect Nadya Suleman's children." [TMZ]
• Dennis Rodman has agreed to go enter an outpatient rehab program, after his friends and family staged an intervention to get him to go to an inpatient facility. "Yes, they tried an intervention, but unfortunately Dennis refused to go," says Rodman's rep. "We all know how amazing he is when sober, and we hope he gets there soon." [E!]
• Jennifer Hudson is taking a break from her national tour this week so that doctors can treat a throat condition related to her singing. [E!]
• Twilight and Slumdog Millionaire lead the MTV Movie Award nominations. The show will air on May 31. [People]
• Here's a video of P. Diddy and Russell Brand hanging out in Las Vegas. [RussellBrand.tv]
• Russell Brand was dining with P. Diddy at Tao in Las Vegas, as was Holly Madison. "Russell and Holly were flirting with each other all night," a source says. [E!]
• Later this month Paula Abdul will release a new single titled, "Here For The Music." [L.A. Times]
• Jessica Alba says her 11 month old daughter Honor Marie is "getting new teeth every day," and "doesn't walk, but she's crawling around and pulling herself up," and is always "covered in lots of drool." [People]
• Katie Wright, who is expecting her first child with boyfriend Hank Azaria, says the baby is "going to come out already knowing all the voices," of The Simpsons characters his dad voices. [People]
• Natascha McElhone of Californication says she almost lost her home after her husband died suddenly at 43 without a will, a day after the their 10th wedding anniversary when she was pregnant with their third child. She says, "We thought he'd be the cash-flow guy, and I'd be the investor in our little team. So it was unbelievably stressful and that's why I'm so amazed that my pregnancy was fine, and nothing went wrong." [The Telegraph]
• At a benefit for the Padres Contra El Cáncer and Childrens Hospital Los Angeles, Eva Longoria said being around the kids makes her think about adopting. "They're resilient and they're hopeful and they're happy. They're amazing human beings, and to go through something like that and yet still be as strong as they [are], it really inspires me. I could only wish to have children as strong as the kids I've worked with," she said. [E!]
• Trent Reznor is engaged to Mariqueen Maandig of the band West Indian Girl. [MTV]
• Eminem says he's recovered from a drug addiction that ws so bad he was taking as many as 20 Vicodin, Ambien, and Valium a day. "The numbers got so high, I don't even know what I was taking," said Eminem. He nearly overdosed on pills a friend gave him that turned out to be methadone. "My doctor told me the amount of methadone I'd taken was equivalent to shooting up four bags of heroin," Eminem said, noting that had he known, "I probably wouldn't have taken it. But as bad as I was back then, I can't even say 100 percent for sure." [People]
• Marie Osmond, says that after she lost 45 pounds, in 2007 her 19-year-old daughter, Rachael, "went into my closet and threw everything away and said, 'I'm dressing you now because you are hot, and then I can borrow your clothes,'" Osmond says. "She said: 'No more long jackets, no more full skirts. You don't need to hide anything now. You just need to hide your credit card from me.' " [USA Today]
• Alexis Bledel says she is interested in doing a film in Spanish, her native language. She says, "Spanish is my first language-but since I don't look stereotypically Hispanic, it's hard to get cast in those sorts of Spanish-language films. I mean, if someone is making a film about a social issue that affects Mexican factory workers, I don't want to barge in and suggest that I should star in it. I don't want anyone to sacrifice the integrity of their story, in other words. But I'd love to do a film in Spanish. [Wall Street Journal]
• Tom Hanks said of Julia Roberts liberally using the F-word at a ceremony honoring him at Lincoln Center. Hanks said, "She laid into me, and then everybody else started doing the same thing. She is so much of a template, that lady! Everybody loves [Julia], and she decided to get right to the point and cut loose and turn the evening into what it was really meant to be because how much can you hear about 'nice guy' and 'quality work'?" [E!]
• When asked about her plus-size co-star on her new show Drop Dead Diva Margaret Cho said, "I don't think of her as plus-size. I just think of her as beautiful. I think people are going to fall in love with Brooke and the character Jane and realize that beauty comes in all sizes. That's something we are trying to promote with the show. The idea of being plus-size is somewhat ridiculous, because most women are. I mean, I am, and most women are." [CNN]
• "Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds." - Shia LaBeouf. [Star]