A Real Life Jersey Shore Protest [FourFour]

Related: New 'Nine' Trailer: Anyone Rooting For A Kate Hudson Comeback? [EW]

Snooki doesn't agree with UNICO that "guido" and "guidette" are derogatory terms, and insisted that she and her fellow guidos and guidettes consider the description a compliment. She then told Conan how she would make him over, guido style.


When Conan asked Snooki to describe her ideal guy, she said that first and foremost, he must be an intravenous steroid user.

Jersey Shore premieres on MTV on December 3.

The ladies wouldn't open up to Jerry about, which is odd, since Jacqueline has already come clean about the incident to Life & Style, as we learned in Midweek Madness:

Danielle was trying to harm Dina by giving her ex-husband a phone number that might give him leverage in the custody of their daughter Lexi.

Earlier: Sneak Peek: Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reunion

What's funnier is that the nails, hair, and attitudes of the women of Wildwood haven't changed all that much in the 17 years since the film was made. Wildwood wasn't far from where I grew up, and while most of what I love about this highlight reel Rich made—like the indescribable accents and the nostalgia for women who proudly flaunt their tan lines—might rely on regional humor, I still think it could be enjoyed by most, if only for the fashions alone. So if you're not familiar with Wildwood, maybe it's time that you start to be.

Wildwood The Movie [FourFour]

Fergie's husband Josh Duhamel was there, though.

Danielle Staub On "All My Children" [SoapNet]

For more Teresa-isms, check out her Q&A in Newsweek. My fave: "If I knew she would have brought the book I never would have brung my kids."

For someone who didn't really have her own story line during the season, Caroline just wouldn't shut up last night. She totally controlled the room, monopoliizing every conversation, even in response to questions that weren't directed toward her. She talked about the importance of family, and added to the Manzo chorus that Danielle came between Jacqueline and her in-laws, and Dina and her brother, a relationship that Caroline says is still not right.

Danielle said, there had to have been issues in that family before she ever came into their lives, because it doesn't make sense that a group of people who crow about how strong their family is could crumble just because some ex-stripper befriended one of them.

In fact, Jacqueline — who was so full of baby that she was pregnant in her neck, nose, and lips — confirmed that Danielle was not the cause of the family feud. It was also revealed that Jacqueline once punched Caroline in the face as payback for a comment she made about her mothering. That must've been cathartic for her!

Caroline seems like the epitome of the pain in the ass in-law who pokes her nose into everyone's shit and has something to say about it. I pity the women who wind up marrying her sons. She will be the mother-in-law from hell.

Also, the hypocrisy of Caroline was astounding. She judged Danielle for having been a stripper, but everyone thought it was hilarious that her son wants to start a strip club. And, even though she said she didn''t want people to believe things written in the papers about her family's mob connections, she readily judged Danielle in relation to the things written about her in "The Book." (Did you notice how quiet Teresa was during the mob convo? If anything, she's the one — with the husband in "construction "— who should've been answering that question.)

The real meat of the reunion - including what exactly went down behind the scenes with Danielle that made Caroline break down - has been saved for part 2, which airs on Thursday. In fact, last night, Danielle pretty much kept quiet, "silently" hating the other women; I've never seen a Botoxed face capable of so much expression.

‘Jersey' Girl Talk [Newsweek]
Earlier: It's Official: Real Housewives Of New Jersey Has Mob Ties
Sneak Peek: Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reunion

Despite the fact that Danielle has said that she was merely a victim of circumstance and did not do the things that were written about her in Cop Without a Badge, The Smoking Gun has dug up federal court records regarding her case. It turns out that, according to plenty of sworn statements, Danielle (real name: Beverly Merrill) was a prostitute working at an escort service, was actively involved in drug deals, and made phone calls demanding ransom from the family of a man she kidnapped. She apparently went by the alias "Angela Minelli," which I love because it was obviously inspired by Who's the Boss.

So what did she do to Dina and Caroline that's worse than extortion, kidnapping, drug trafficking and prostitution (whore)? Hopefully, we'll find out tonight.

In this second clip, Teresa maintains that her husband Juicy Joe has gay friends and that his gay slurs were just "figures of speech." Host Andy Cohen—who is gay—tells Teresa that her husband's comments were, in fact, offensive.



"Jersey" Girl's Sordid Past [TSG]

The first season of New Jersey—which only had a run of six episodes—was the highest rated series out of the entire Real Housewives franchise. In fact, the finale was the highest-rated Tuesday telecast for Bravo since a 2003 episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Knowing the hit Bravo has on its hands, four new episodes (a reunion preview, above left) of RHONJ will air over the next two weeks:

"THE LAST SUPPER," Thursday, June 18 at 9 p.m. ET/PT – It was a dinner unlike any other. "The Last Supper" features never-before-seen footage, new commentary from the Jersey Housewives and their families, and a shocking post-dinner gathering that has to be seen to be believed.

"REUNION: WATCH WHAT HAPPENS PART ONE," Tuesday, June 23 at 9 p.m. ET/PT – The ladies sit down with Bravo's Andy Cohen, for part one of this explosive reunion special.

"REUNION: WATCH WHAT HAPPENS PART TWO," Thursday, June 25 at 9 p.m. ET/PT – A reunion special so juicy it needed two episodes – watch what happens as the Jersey ladies finally let it all out on the table.

"THE LOST FOOTAGE" – Thursday, July 9 at 9 p.m. ET/PT – Bubbies, Botox and Books – the ladies from Jersey had their share of drama, but we could only fit so much into each episode. "The Real Housewives of New Jersey – The Lost Footage" features new moments from season one with Housewives Caroline, Dina, Jacqueline, Teresa and Danielle.

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Finale Puts Bravo #1 For Adults 18-49 [TV by the Numbers]
Earlier: Real Housewives Of New Jersey Finale: "Prostitution Whore!"

Teresa didn't mind having the kids hear her innuendos about blow jobs, or how their father made their mom have sex with him immediately after her buh-bies surgery. She also didn't mind having her kids hear about how sore her vagina is. But "prostitution whores" are another story. As for Danielle's, Jacqueline's, and Caroline's kids: they wanted to see the shit go down.

It all started when Danielle pulled out "the book" at dinner, and placed it on the table, forcing the women to discuss the entire scandal openly. You have to hand it to her. She knows drama. She's like the TNT of the Real Housewives franchise.

She tried to explain herself — which was difficult because the Botox hindered her facial expressions — but her accusations about Dina showing the book to people at their hair salon took over. The best is when Caroline admitted that she was the one to show the book to the people at the salon, and Dina was merely with her. Which is some obvious bullshit: Dina loved showing people that book and she knows it. Who wouldn't love that kind of dirt on their enemy?

(Side note: Dina is weird. She quit her dream career to spend more time with her 14-year-old daughter who will probably hate her mother in four months anyway, as most teenage girls do for a time. But then she went and opened a lame-ass internet store.)

Then Dina dragged her sister-in-law Jacqueline into it, causing an uncomfortable family fight. (I know all about this kind of thing. My dad is one of eight, and he has four sisters. They would alternately be really friendly or horrible witches to my mother and their other sisters-in-law. I totally know how the kids at the table were feeling. My parents keep their distance from those women, but are cordial to them at certain family functions. I, on the other hand, want nothing to do with those ladies and haven't spoken to them in 15 years. I'm being forced to invite them to my wedding, and if they have the balls to show up and give even a flash of a dirty look, I'll probably pull a Teresa and start flipping tables and dropping F bombs. It goes to show you that: 1.) Pushy in-laws can push people away; and 2.) You can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can't take Jersey out of the girl. THANK YAU VARRY MUCH! THANK YAU!)

That said, Teresa, while not articulate, managed to get her point across. I love that she said, "Look, the book" in Italian, and that she counted the following problems she has with Danielle on her fingers:

1.) Name change
2.) Arrested
3.) All the stripping
4.) Prostitution whore
5.) Fucking engaged 19 times

That's when the table got flipped, and all of her grievances, beyond what she enumerated, were impossible to discern through her shrieking. But then she kissed Juicy Joe and told him she loved him, and all was right in her world again. As Teresa said, "[Danielle] doesn't know who the fuck she's fucking with. OK? And I have no fucking skeletons in my fucking closet."

Deleted scenes from the Last Supper will be aired on Bravo on Thursday. As for what the ladies are up to now, it seems as though Danielle is writing a book. From her blog:

I am very excited to now be able to write my own book and move forward with my life. I have such a positive outlook and I know if there is one person watching that decides to not attack another woman because of what they saw me going through, then it is worth it all. Please build one another up instead of tearing each other down. Thank you to my newfound friend, in whom I have found a new light and trust. I am grateful for her guiding me to keep me positive. I will tell you more on my soul sister later. God Bless!!

On their respective blogs, each of the women made allusions to the fact that there was a bunch of drama going on "behind the scenes" that will be addressed during next week's reunion show. But it looks like Jacqueline and Danielle are no longer friends, per Jacqueline's blog:

With some recent shocking developments I have cut the toxic people from my life. I'm not going to talk about it - I am just going to act on it. Let's just say I was very disappointed with people, and I regret giving them my heart and time. Because of that rejection, I am now the target of a pathological liar. Fuggetaboutit!

Oh, and Danielle might be a (home) movie star.

In an interview the sleazebag gave to Star, he said that he has lots of footage — the two of them together, Danielle by herself — that he's looking to unload in order to recoup some of the money that he gave her while dating:

"She tries to look affluent, but sometimes she couldn't pay the household bills or buy food. Even then, she'd want to borrow 20 grand from me to buy jewelry!" Now Steve is considering recouping some money by selling steamy naked videos of Danielle! "I'm definitely weighing my options as far as selling them and getting them out there. She cost me so much money, why shouldn't I make a few dollars?"

Ugh. He also tells the mag that Danielle loves having sex in public (which we kinda knew already), and the locations included her patio, public bathrooms, a police firing range, a park... and a church.

How did Danielle not think this sex tape would surface? It's one thing to want to try and suppress your shady past (even though it's been widely noted), but making a sex tape while your filming a reality show with a guy you end up dumping on television? She must be incredibly naive, or know exactly what she's doing, as far as marketing herself. Either way, it's unsettling.

More on this in Midweek Madness, and the Real Housewives finale recap.

RHONJ's Danielle: Sex Tape Bombshell [Star]

In this bonus clip, Teresa gives Dina a tour of her new, unfurnished home. Try and count how many times Dina says "freakin'."

"Happy wife, happy life" was what Teresa's husband Joe said in response to whether or not she should get buh-bees. You can purchase his words of wisdom on a T-shirt for $30, and on a baseball cap for $25.


Technically, "delicious" is a word, and not a phrase. It can be yours on a baseball cap for $25, or a T-shirt for $30.


"Love, love, love" is not a command, but rather, how Teresa feels about her three daughters.


Teresa's 7-year-old daughter Gia is an aspiring model/actress, which was probably the inspiration for this "Model, Model" children's shirt that costs $30.


Teresa is also selling three children's charm bracelets named after her girls, that are expensive pieces of costume jewelry to give to kids ages 7 and under. This Milania Fantasy Bracelet is $130.


The Gia Bracelet is $105 worth of cubic zirconia.


The Gabriella Bracelet, featuring such charms as a bikini top, tube of lipstick and what appears to be a champagne bottle on ice, is $170.


Also for sale are a large selection of children's hair accessories, like the ones Teresa's daughter's wear on the show, that range from $15 - $35.


There's a lot of marabou in this collection.


And a lot of leopard print.


And a lot of combination of both.

Teresa's husband Joe decided that he wanted to take a dancing lesson, after getting into Dancing with the Stars. So Teresa organized a night out for everyone. During the evening, Joe made several gay slurs about the dance instructor, and Danielle called him out on it, later saying, "If you wanna do that thing that Italian guys do out here in Jersey, do it, but I'm taking offense by it."

Earlier: Real Housewife Danielle's New Weave, Old Mugshot

Of course, the ones who understood the question said yes. Teresa just sat there with her bigger-from-pregnancy buh-bees. Hoda also asked Danielle about the "weird stuff" from her past, which will be the centerpiece of tonight's episode. Danielle gave a confusing response, saying, "I will definitely touch on all the subjects that are crucially in need of touching on at the time when the time is right." However, she did say that some of the "weird stuff" was "embellished."

The preview of next week's episode of Real Housewives gave us a clue to Danielle's past: The book A Cop Without a Badge. Published in 1995, it's now out of print, and even Star-Ledger reporter Vicki Hyman had a tough time locating a copy at New Jersey libraries. But the hunt was worth it, as the information contained in it is juicier than Teresa's husband. Written by Charles Kipps, the book is the non-fiction account of con-man-turned-informant Kevin Maher, who left his wife and children for "the morally ambiguous charms of stripper Beverly Merrill" — Danielle's name at the time — "who by her own estimation had slept with about a thousand men." (Guess that's where the "husband stealer" rumor stems from.)

According to the book, Beverly is a "coke whore," who danced under the name "Danielle" at various topless bars in North Jersey, including Satin Dolls, aka Bada-Bing on The Sopranos. And, as hinted at on Real Housewives, Danielle does indeed have a criminal past that involves kidnapping and a Colombian cartel:

A few moments after meeting the undergarments-averse Merrill at a Miami drug party, Maher is told that Merrill is out on $10,000 bail. Apparently, Merrill was partying with a drug dealer who had kidnapped a rich kid who owed him $25,000. The dealer beat the kid up, starved him, then called the kid's father for ransom. The police busted them and charged Merrill with extortion, kidnapping and possession, but Maher, with his law enforcement connections, helped her work out a deal in which she pleaded guilty to extortion. She got five years' probation.

Her mugshot:

ONTD scanned in a few pages from the book:

Eventually Maher left her because he decided he wanted to have kids and didn't think she was "mother material."

In today's Times, Danielle poses — with her new long hair — for pictures in the 12,000 square foot Wayne, NJ home she lives in with her two daughters and her two dogs, Fendi and Paradise (who took a shit on her white carpet in front of the reporter). In an audio slide show, she talks about her endless amount of closet space, a wall of which looks like it's from a dressing room at a strip club rather than a McMansion in NJ…or maybe not.

'Real Housewives of New Jersey': Danielle Staub's Past Revealed In Book? [NJ.com]
Jersey Girls, Nesting [NYT]
Real New Jersey Housewife's ~Alleged~ Mugshot [ONTD]

P.S. We now have a new word for "vagina" — "chucky." Although Danielle, as we learned last night, still says "pussy."

P.P.S. I have to read this book now.