1.)The Jerry Lewis Telethon
He ages like cheese, becoming saltier, stankier, more intense, and thus more enjoyable.

Also more offensive.

2.) AARP Lapdance

Charo performed Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music" in the middle of the night during the telethon. I guess the intent was to wake people up. She went out into the crowd to get the audience dancing. When they didn't want to, she would hit them with her vagina.

3.) Tyra's back!

4.) And she wants to teach you stuff.
About menstruation.

How to frown with your eyes.

And how to not like your makeup.

5.) Janice still hates her.
After Tyra's Nightline interview during which she refused to discuss Janice Dickinson, Janice went running to The Insider to respond.

6.) The View returned.
Which is good news for those suffering in the recession.

7.) Kim needs a job.

Her daughter concurs.

8.) Blind-folded musical chairs.

9.) "She ain't messin' with no broke bro."

10.) The La Toya interview tonight will be awesome.
Judging from The Insider's preview of it.

• Here's the first picture of Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick with their new twins, Marion and Tabitha Broderick. Big brother James, are you ready for double trouble? [TMZ]

• Britney Spears has dark hair and something that looks like an engagement ring. What does it mean??? [NY Daily News]
• Uh-oh: Us Weekly dropped $120,000 for exclusive rights to Kendra Wilkinson's wedding, but the death of Michael Jackson will push her bridal bliss off the cover. [Page Six]
• Will Michael Jackson's body be put on display in a coffin of glass, like Eva Peron? [The Sun]
• Michael Jackson's mother has been granted temporary guardianship of his three kids. [LA Times]
• According to a source, Michael Jackson almost died once before — in 2004 — he was unconscious and had to be revived. [Fox News]
• Michael Jackson's doctor didn't call 911 for a half hour after finding MJ unconscious. [TMZ]
• The LAPD is trying to identify and interview "multiple doctors" who treated or prescribed medicine to Michael Jackson. [LA Times]
• Michael Jackson's mother Katherine is worried about people stealing from MJ's estate. [TMZ]
• Debbie Rowe has been reaching out to the Jackson family, but has been unsuccessful. [People]
• A will drafted by Michael Jackson in 2002 may be released this week. [WSJ]
• "Michael Jackson's Last Art Purchase." A wicked witch painting. [TMZ]
• "Michael Jackson was spending £30,000 a month on prescription drugs," says this paper, which lied to us yesterday. [The Sun]
• "Michael Jackson's Death: Sorting Fact From Fiction." A run down of all the claims and contradictions. [NY Daily News]
• Two weeks before he died, Michael Jackson completed a video project; his last. [AP]
• Expect some "instant" Michael Jackson books — some due by the end of the week, one coming in July. [AP]
• Michael Jackson's "This Is It" tour is being transformed into a tribute concert in September, and Madonna may take part. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Here is Lindsay Lohan posing like Michael Jackson. [NY Daily News]
• Ladies and gentlemen, a statement from Jon and Kate Gosselin: "During this very difficult time we will be working to focus solely on the needs of our family. This includes no longer commenting publicly or reacting to media stories and speculation. Our goal is to do the very best for our children and that will be done as privately as possible. We appreciate the understanding, support and well wishes from so many. Thank you." [TLC]
• Chris Brown was not at the BET Awards because Al Sharpton and Jay-Z were "very vocal" with producers about not letting him appear. [Gatecrasher]
• A source says: "Jay-Z wasn't having it. He threatened to pull out of the show if Chris was involved, so BET dropped Chris." [Page Six]
• Chris Brown's friend Teairra Mari says: "He's sorry. That's my friend, and I love Chris. He's a good kid-he just made a mistake. He knows that and feels terrible about it." [E!]
• Justin Timberlake went out boozing with Guy Ritchie, and guess which one went home at 2:30am and which one stayed in the pub? Guy was in it til the bitter end. [The Sun]
• How is the filming of The Runaways going? Well, Joan Jett made Kristen Stewart cry. So. [Gatecrasher]
• Some GQ Brüno pictures in which the character is posing with a high school football team have infuriated a school official in L.A., who says: "We've allowed our students to be used, and not in the most glamorous circumstances either." [UPI]
• Susan Boyle on Ugly Betty? Why, yes. [Telegraph]
• Amy Winehouse has been banned from taking in any more stray dogs after resort management had to fumigate her house in St. Lucia. [The Sun]
• George Clooney is not dead. Why are there so many death pranks? That shit is not funny. [TMZ]
• Kate Moss's boyfriend Jamie Hince is getting tired of Kate's lengthy karaoke sessions and is limiting her to half an hour a day. [The Sun]
• Lady GaGa visited an HIV Support Centre in Manchester, UK yesterday, and said: "I've been doing volunteer work since I was two." She also said: "I want to make it fashionable to have safe sex. You must be safe. You can have sex with hundreds of people with a condom on and get nothing. If you have sex without one, then you could get all sorts of problems." To which this paper asks, "Speaking from experience?" [The Sun]
• Ashton Kutcher is Tweeting for the White House. No, really. [Politico]
• Kathy Griffin on NPR! "NPR listeners, I know who you are. I know you guys read books, which I find tedious. You guys might try a book called Us Weekly. OK? It's a really good book. It has a lot of pictures." [NPR]
• Megan Fox spent the weekend in Las Vegas with Brian Austin Green. Back together? [E!]
• Someone threw a drink on Anna Kournikova at a club in Vegas and the tennis player "sprang into action," showing and screaming at the lady. [Page Six]
• Marissa Jaret Winokur continues to blog about her "weight loss journey." She writes: "I downloaded the video of Beyoncé's 'Single Ladies' and started to learn her dance. Let me tell you, if I ever did that dance in a club I would still be a single lady!!! But what a workout! It was free and fun and it kept my son very entertained – it was like a real-life Muppet danced out of his TV and into the living room. It kept him and, sadly, my husband very amused for almost an hour." [People]
• "Hollywood stars Antonio Banderas And Melanie Griffiths' Garden Seized As Spain Cracks Down On Illegal Coastal Homes." They'll lose their 40 foot swimming pool! [Daily Mail]
• Is Antonia Kidman — sister of Nicole and TV personality in Australia — addicted to exercise? [News.com.au]
• Redmond O'Neal with be allowed to leave jail to attend his mother Farrah Fawcett's funeral. [People]
• Law And Order: SVU fans, take note: Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay have finally signed on to stay for two more seasons. [Variety]
• Amy Adams is in negotiations to star alongside Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg in boxing drama The Fighter. [Variety]
• Some kind of drama involving Kanye West's bisexual girlfriend Amber Rose and a singer named Nicki Minaj, who Amber hit on? [ONTD]
• Here's a Q&A with Wilco's Jeff Tweedy, who says: "We did get word that whoever's in charge of loading [Barack Obama's] iPod requested the record and we got the record in." [Time]
• Best wishes to 92-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor, who is out of the hospital after a 6-day stay for flu-like symptoms. [AP]
• The Nutty Professor is coming to Broadway, and Jerry Lewis will direct. [AP]
• Whatshername and Whatshisname: fighting in public. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which former boy bander looked oh-so-strung-out over the weekend? His diet of booze and nose candy certainly isn't helping his skin-and-bones appearance." [Gatecrasher]
• "I don't watch TV comedy in the UK anymore. We've got some poor copies of Curb Your Enthusiasm, some poor copies of Entourage and some poor copies of Seinfeld. With a few exceptions the Americans seem to be ahead of the game." — Ricky Gervais. [The Sun]
• "I pointed to a spot where I told him I wanted to be buried. Michael had a meltdown right then and there when he heard this. He shrieked and bent over and said, 'No, no, no.' [He said,] 'Don't ever talk about your dying. Don't ever think about it.' I couldn't pretend to understand him. There were so many complicated signals. Did he want me to be his 'older woman' friend? He gravitated to older women. For solace? Succor? A beard? Did he want me to teach him the ropes? I never could quite figure it out." — Jane Fonda, on her relationship with Michael Jackson. [E!]
• "I wish I could say that I was inspired by him for a role, I was inspired by him because I think he was a great artist but he was not the inspiration for Willy Wonka contrary to what most people say. No no no, I never ever thought of playing Michael Jackson in a film, I think if anyone should play Michael Jackson in a film it should've been Michael Jackson. A mother and a father have lost a son, siblings have lost a brother and millions of people around the world have lost someone they love. Children have lost a father so it's obviously a very sad, sad moment." — Johnny Depp. [The Star]
• "At the moment I feel like I need to go away and figure out what I want to do and be myself for a bit. I just want to take a step back from it and not rush into stuff. I need university to give me that break. People think because I'm going to university I'm never going to act again, but it's actually me… I want to… figure out how I feel about everything first. Maybe I'll keep acting, maybe I won't. I just want to find something where I feel I have to do this. Maybe that'll happen when I read a script. It felt like that with Hermione. I want to feel like that again." — Emma Watson, who will attend Columbia University in the fall. [Elle UK, NY Daily News]

• Nancy Pelosi left a health-care forum at the White House to meet with Brad Pitt. This piece calls them "Brancy." [WaPo]

• Everybody on Capitol Hill was atwitter over Brad Pitt being in their midst; Rep. James E. Clyburn says: "I did not realize when the Speaker asked me to chair the Katrina/Rita task force that it would lead to my getting in a position to make my grandchildren so envious of me, because this effort brought the two of us — Brad Pitt and myself together." [Politico]
• This headline sums it up: "Capitol Hill Goes Gaga Over Brad Pitt." [USA Today]
• Back in September, Amy Winehouse was involved in some kind of "incident" (uh, which one?) and now she has been charged with assault. Run back to St. Lucia! [People]
• Oh yeah: It was when she punched a fan who asked for a picture. [The Sun, Daily Mail]
• Um, Amy's husband Blake Fielder-Civil is "besotted" with Francesca Morralee, who is 17. [The Sun]
• Chris Brown appeared in court yesterday but did not enter a plea. His arraignment was delayed until April 6. [People]
  
• Here's a picture of two "fans" outside Chris Brown's court hearing yesterday, with signs which read "I love you Chris." [Concrete Loop]
• After Chris Brown was charged with two felonies, one of Rihanna's relatives told People: "It's about time." [People]
• Rihanna's lawyer told Chris Brown: "I think Rihanna would like this over as quickly as possible. It benefits everybody." Then Brown's own lawyer told Brown: "I've explained it to you that the best thing that could happen in this case is, Don [Rihanna's lawyer] is involved. Didn't I tell you that?" [LA Times]
• Nine days passed before Chris Brown apologized to Rihanna for beating her. [Fox 411]
• The reason Usher backed down on his criticism of Chris Brown? Rihanna. Trying to show support for Rihanna. [MSNBC]
• Chris Brown "hit the town" after his court appearance. Not really… He hung out at a hotel bar with bodyguards. [TMZ]
• What the goop was Gwyneth Paltrow doing getting into a chauffeur-driven car with Christiane Amanpour? [Page Six]
• Jewel and Nancy O'Dell have both withdrawn from Dancing With The Stars due to injuries suffered during rehearsals. What the hell goes on at that show? [People]
• Girls Next Door star Holly Madison will replace Jewel and Nancy. [NY Daily News]
• It may have sounded like there were screaming masses at Michael Jackson's press conference, but there were only 25 people including press. [Gatecrasher]
• But! People trying to get "pre-sale" tickets for Jackson's show are complaining that the website is effed. [Telegraph]
• Even though Heath Ledger's dad told a reporter that the family planned to keep Heath's Oscar "forever," it will actually go to Michelle Williams. Today. She will hold it for Matilda. [LA Times]
• WTF. This report begins, "Madonna has offered a gnarly old hand to Sienna Miller…" [Daily Star]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were "in tears" watching American Idol finalist Jorge Nuñez. [E!]
• "Regis Philbin Blackmail Shocker!" [National Enquirer]
• David Beckham will stay with AC Milan until the end of the season and will return next season, but he'll be "timeshared" with the LA Galaxy between July and October. [Daily Mail]
• "Flip-flopping" Bachelor Jason Mesnick swears he is not a jerk. [MSNBC]
• Shh! Don't tell anyone, but Lucy Liu is an artist, painting under the pseudonym Yu Ling. Snap up her portrait of two people kissing for a mere $28,000. [Page Six]
• It's all baby-talk all the time on the set of Ugly Betty. [People]
• For an episode of Oprah's show, Dennis Quaid and his wife returned to the hospital where their twins were given an overdose of blood thinner. [AP]
• Vince Vaughn is engaged and the lady is named Kyla Weber; she's a Canadian real estate agent. [Gatecrasher]
• Simon Cowell and ex Terri Seymour went on a dinner date. Cue the "ooooohhhh!" [Daily Mail]
• Gossip Girl's Matthew Settle and his wife welcomed a daughter, Aven Angelica, yesterday. [People]
• "LSD, Easter Island, science fiction and, of course, Lorne Michaels, all played a role in developing the Coneheads sketch for Saturday Night Live. [Page Six]
• Joe Francis denies he accidentally bumped into Brody Jenner's girlfriend at a club, which sparked a screaming match. Joe, ever the pacifist, says: "There was no physical contact, but if you're Brody Jenner and dating an ugly piece of trash…you should expect these types of altercations." [Page Six]
• Ghostface has written a song for Rihanna. Sample lyrics: "Shake it off, wake up… Pretty lady, come about yourself…" [Concrete Loop]
• Fantasia Barrino returns to the musical The Color Purple for a five week stint in Washington DC. [Variety]
• Mark Wahlberg will star in a "dark thriller" which this piece calls "one of the hottest scripts in town." It's set in Boston, so Wahlberg can do his best "Say hello to your mother for me." [The Hollywood Reporter]
• DNA tests prove that Jerry Lewis has a daughter — he mother had an affair with the entertainer back in 1952. He has not publicly acknowledged the woman as his daughter, but his son agreed to a DNA test because "everybody deserves to know where they came from and who they are." [UPI]
• Blind item: "Which flowery former wild child had a bad sexual experience with the creator of a hit TV show - but went for another round because 'she'll try anything twice'?" [Gatecrasher]
• R.I.P. Sydney Chaplin, Charlie Chaplin's son and Tony-award winning actor. [AP]
• "My dad is more of a rock star than me. He embraces the lifestyle. People think having your dad on tour would cramp your style. But I don't have any style - he's got all the right moves. He's living the dream. I am going to check he hasn't trashed the hotel room before we leave each city." — Chris Martin. [The Sun]
• "The biggest thing for me is that I am now going to have to choose between work - this script or that script. Until now, my roles have chosen me; my career has been shaped essentially by never saying no. But now I will have to say no. I just hope l'll be wise in my choosing." — Melissa Leo, about her life post-Oscar nomination. [Guardian]
• "So when I do go out with him I sit and get progressively more pissed, and he's one of those annoying people who remembers everything. I go to him, 'Just have a fucking beer! One beer!' And he says to me that if he has one beer he'll probably end up in a crack house in Kings Cross within 40 minutes. I'm like, ‘Brilliant, I'll come with you.'" — Noel Gallagher, on hanging out with Russell Brand, who does not drink. [The Sun]
• "It's fine if Tori wants her own reality show or wants to write books about her childhood. I just wish she'd leave me out of it. She has plenty to talk about without saying things like, 'I wish I were closer to my mother,' or 'Did you see what my mother wrote on her Web site?' I wish she would call me, rather than say on television, 'I should call my mom.'" — Candy Spelling, whose autobiography, Stories From Candy-Land, is out at the end of the month. [Gatecrasher]
• "Dave [Stewart] and I talk to each other only rarely these days, and I can't see another reunion. He lives in America and I'm over here. We're both working on our own things. For me, it would feel like a step backwards and I want to keep moving forward. I enjoy multi-tasking, so I want to do a lot of different things. I want to keep all the plates spinning." — Annie Lennox. [Daily Mail]
• "I am in perfect health. I'm in very good shape and feeling very good." — Hugh Hefner, knocking down reports that her was "far from his normally alert self" at a recent party. [Yahoo News via E!]
• "It doesn't vacuum, it doesn't wash the dishes or stuff like that." — Charlize Theron, joking about her Oscar. [The Star]
• "I'd love to work with Amy Winehouse. She has a very distinct, sexy, soulful voice and she writes great lyrics." — John Legend. [Mirror]
• "[The role reminds me of ] a period of my life where I had to work several jobs to pay my bills. Something would go wrong and you'd have to take another job to get your car running. That was very real for me." — Amy Adams, on Sunshine Cleaning. [WSJ]

• Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were wed yesterday in Santa Monica. The bride wore Dolce & Gabbana, and so did her three dogs. [Us Magazine]

• A source claims that often, and especially towards the end of the marriage, Guy Ritchie would call Madonna "It." As in "It's in a bad mood today." And "We can't make It angry." This paper has a helpful illustration of Cousin Itt wearing a pointy bra. [The Sun]
• Blake is no longer incarcerated! Amy Winehouse's husband got out of jail yesterday and says of the divorce: "It's all going ahead - but I don't really know what will happen." And! "It's just nice to be on the outside again. Now I am going to get over my drug habit." Amy, who is still in St. Lucia, may return to London to try and "save her marriage." Really? [The Sun]
• Will Chris Brown go to jail? Will the charges ever be filed? Is his crime a misdemeanor or a felony? So many questions, not enough answers. [People]
• Robert Pattinson and Hugh Jackman went out and did karaoke together in Tokyo. Ten bucks says they sang nothing but show tunes. [E!]
• Daniel Radcliffe took a "mystery brunette" out on a date and the paps were there to make things even more awkward! [Daily Mail]
• Remember how Jeremy Piven abruptly quit Speed-The Plow? A grievance hearing took place yesterday, but no agreement was reached. Will producers take it to court? [AP]
• Piven says he dropped out of the play after being examined by a "Harvard-educated cardiologist affiliated with Yale." So there. [TMZ]
• Piven cried twice during the 20 minute hearing and said he'd been "incredibly sick." [NY Times]
• Producers failed to prove that Piven should not have dropped out of the play. [People]
• Initiation ceremonies require Princes William and Harry to drink through a straw from a toilet filled with beer and strip naked to run the length of the runway at the Royal Air Force base in Lincolnshire. This is how you "earn your drinking wings" or something. [The Sun]
• So you know the little girl who played Latika in Slumdog? Rubina Ali? Her parents had to be pulled apart after brawling with each other at her homecoming yesterday. A neighbor says: "They were hitting each other and tearing each other's clothes off." Apparently her mom walked out when Rubina was four, leaving her father to care for her, and her father called the mom a "money grabber." Countered the mother: "I'm not here for money, I just want to celebrate the success." [The Sun]
• Crap: Azharuddin Mohammed, the ten-year-old boy who played young Salim in Slumdog was beaten by his father yesterday. He was tired from his flight from L.A. and refused his father's request to leave their shack and face the media; his father started hitting him. There's a picture of the kid crying. [Daily Mail]
• Even though Jewel hurt her knees while rehearsing, producers are "desperate" to keep her on Dancing With The Stars. [MSNBC]
• Early word is that Lil' Kim is the one to beat on Dancing With The Stars. Can't wait to see her costumes! [People]
• Russell Simmons has agreed to pay $40,000 a month in child support to Kimora Lee Simmons. She has sole custody of their 2 daughters. And now: Gobs of cash. [AP]
• Loving, loving Beyoncé's hair on the April 2009 cover of Ebony! [The Life Files]
• LOL: please just look at the expression on his face in these high school yearbook pictures of Will Ferrell! [TMZ]
• Jodie Foster was caught speeding, and it was caught on tape, but the footage won't be shown. Apparently she got "annoyed," "angry" and "agitated" with the cops. [Page Six]
• Critics are praising U2's new album even as they critique Bono. Writes Washington Post's J. Freedom du Lac: "It's becoming increasingly difficult to hear U2's music without filtering it through your feelings about the other Bono, that strident, sanctimonious swirl of idealism, agenda and ego." [Reuters]
• If you're interested in the 1996 audition that changed Edward Norton's life, click the link at the end of this sentence. [ET]
• This is interesting: A film version of the musical Damn Yankees will star Jim Carrey and Jake Gyllenhaal. Who will play Lola? You know that whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. [Variety]
• Not sure why this behind the scenes video of Mischa Barton at a photoshoot is so dull, maybe because she has the same blank expression in every scene. [BlackBook]
• No idea what Woody Allen's new flick is about, but the cast is intriguing: Antonio Banderas, Freida Pinto, Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin and Anthony Hopkins. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Pink. Dolly Parton. Rocking chairs. For sale! [USA Today]
• The conflict between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards has died down. So says Charlie's younger brother Ramon Estevez, whom I did not know existed. [E!]
• George Lucas will produce his first film, post-Star Wars. It's based on the famed Tuskegee Airmen. [Fox 411]
• The Coen brothers have a new film, and it's a short, fake commercial slamming the coal industry. [Guardian]
• MC Hammer's new TV show, Hammertime, will give viewers a glimpse of his life as "as a businessman, computer geek, proud father and husband." No word on whether he is too legit to quit. [AP]
• Jermaine Jackson is working on getting custody of his sons after one told a teacher that his mother had been slapping him repeatedly across the face. [RadarOnline]
• This didn't get a lot of press, but people in wheelchairs protested the Academy giving Jerry Lewis a humanitarian award at the Oscars because they object to the way he talks about "the cripples." Producers actually tried to make sure the foreign press wouldn't write about the incident. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart will get a lifetime achievement award from songwriter's group ASCAP. [Reuters]
• Paul Newman was given a posthumous honour by the US Congress on Tuedsay. [Reuters]
• Be honest: How do we feel about the fact that Eddie Murphy will play Richard Pryor in a biopic? [Guardian]
• Blind item! "Which angry comic had a few cast and crew members fired from his hit show - all because they overshadowed him?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I think that what I'm getting to explore is really the heart of a woman. And I can't say that about everything that I've done. Or maybe I've explored the heart of a woman, but it's been like skating on ice. You know, often you don't get to swim in it. It's an in-depth exploration, and kind of a close-up look at a woman, at all the different ways that she… I think in a way it's about love. You know? It's about love… all the different ways that she loves and whether those loves are acceptable or not." — Holly Hunter, on Saving Grace. [The Daily Beast]
• "I know that Ben Stiller for example, he watches American Idol and he'll email me: 'Hey, who got kicked off?' you know, the night it's on. I'm like, dude — I can't tell you, sorry, you're gonna have to watch. Coming up tonight on prime time!" — Ryan Seacrest, on Idol's celeb fans. [Mirror]
• "It's particularly distressing to me to observe that we're fine with these young women, who it normally is, who are chased, stalked, put under siege by battalions of strange men who sleep in their car and follow them and take pictures up their skirts, and when they throw the dummy out or whatever, everyone thinks they've gone mad. I would defy anyone not to be affected by what is, I think, harassment really. I just think it's slightly below a moral code that I have as a man or as a human being. To chase people, it just seems very bestial." — Rupert Friend, aka Keira Knightley's hottie boyfriend, who is in two films of his own this spring. [Independent]
• "I did not kiss her. She kissed me. We had fun." — Teri Hatcher, on her on-screen smooch with Eva Longoria Parker for Desperate Housewives. [Mirror]
• "At times I was incapable of getting enough oxygen to get my lines out on stage, and sometimes I'd forget where I was in the play. This misconception that I was out partying was wrong. My problem was that as soon as I woke up, I wanted to figure out a way to get back into bed." — Jeremy Piven. [NY Times]
• "Ty said he thinks his best chance of beating me is if I get pregnant during the show so I would be too tired to dance. Talk about a strategy! Of course, that would be fine with me if it did happen, so either way would be a win!" — Jewel, on competing against her husband, Ty Murray on Dancng With The Stars. [People]
• "We pay millions and millions of dollars in tax. The thing that stung us [about the criticism] was the accusation of hypocrisy for my work as an activist. I can understand how people outside the country wouldn't understand how Ireland got to its prosperity but everybody in Ireland knows that there are some very clever people in the Government and in the Revenue who created a financial architecture that prospered the entire nation – it was a way of attracting people to this country who wouldn't normally do business here. And the financial services brought billions of dollars every year directly to the exchequer. What's actually hypocritical is the idea that then you couldn't use a financial services centre in Holland. The real question people need to ask about Ireland's tax policy is: ‘Was the nation a net gain benefactor?' And of course it was – hugely so." — Bono, on the criticism of U2 moving part of its business to the Netherlands to lessen its tax burden. [Irish Times]
• "If you get knocked down, setbacks in life, like applying for a job if they don't hire you, keep trying, keep getting up, keep doing it. Don't give up, that's what it's about. I'm so tough and so bad, I can be humble and lift another guy up." — Mr. T, giving advice to the unemployed. [Mirror]
• "'Brown Eyed Girl' I didn't perform for a long time because for me it was like a throwaway song. I've got about 300 other songs I think are better than that." — from 10 questions with Van Morrison. [Time]
• "Hmm, [how to add] a sexy sizzle to your look? Well high heels are probably the easiest thing, I would say. Instant glamour. Walking around in them naked, you don't need anything else really." — Dita Von Teese. [Daily Express]
• "I hope it won't change anything in how other directors and actors work with me. I mean, the Oscar's going in the loo, next to Sam's. I'm not taking it on a set. I'm just going to work the way I've always worked, which is just to get on with it." — Kate Winslet on her Academy Award. [Daily Mail]

• Jennifer Aniston had dinner with Gerard Butler at L.A.'s Tower Bar — days after eating there with John Mayer. Don't hate the player, hate the game. [Page Six]
• Amy Winehouse was in the hospital last night, being checked out for a chest infection. Is it related to the emphysema she was diagnosed with in June? [Mirror]
• Amy missed an appointment to talk to cops about punching a fan; it will be rescheduled. [TMZ]
• Although this report says Amy could get arrested, and that she's doing so many drugs she's totally out of it. [The Sun]
• Jennifer Hudson's sister, Julia Balfour, is begging for her son to be returned safely. He disappeared after a shooting which killed her mother and brother. At a news conference on Saturday night, she said: "All I ask, I don't care who you are, just let my baby go, please. I just want my son." [CNN]

• Jennifer Hudson showed up to officially identify the bodies of her mother and brother yesterday. [TMZ]
• Cops say there was "trouble in the marriage" between the suspect, William Balfour, and his wife, Julia. William is in police custody. [TMZ]
• Barack Obama, who also calls Chicago his hometown, says he and Michelle are "heartbroken" to hear of Jennifer Hudson's tragedy and offer "thoughts and prayers." [People]
• America's Most Wanted plans to help in the search for Jennifer Hudson's nephew. [ET]
• Jennifer Hudson has offered a $100,000 reward for her nephew's safe return. [AP]
• Baby-wipes enthusiast Terrence Howard allegedly punched composed Tex Allen during a rehearsal for Cat On A Hot Tin Roof in January. Allen is suing for $5 million. [UPI]
• A source says Lindsay Lohan is not planning on coming out of the closet, because she's not a lesbian: She still loves men. "She has been telling everyone over and over that she’s still into guys," a "friend" says. "She keeps saying if anything went wrong with Sam she would date a guy next. She even flirts with guys when they go out." [NY Daily News]
• Kate Hudson had a Halloween party! Courteney Cox came as a witch. David Arquette was a wizard. Cindy Crawford was Amy Winehouse. Isla Fisher was a princess; Sacha Baron Cohen was a cow. Click for pictures! [Daily Mail]
• Miley Cyrus is living with her boyfriend Justin Gaston, don't you know? A source says: "Billy Ray wasn't born yesterday. He figures the safest path to take is to keep Miley and Justin on a short leash — and under the same roof." Just imagine all the sneaking around going on. [UPI]
• Mama mia: Victoria Beckham's been offered millions to host a documentary about husband David moving to AC Milan. Remember the one she did about moving to L.A.? It would be similar, but "more polished." [Mirror]
• David Beckham was speeding around Hollywood in his Porsche and got stopped by the cops. He flashed a smile and got a talking to instead of a ticket. [The Sun]
• David Beckham says even though he's being loaned to AC Milan, he will stay with his L.A. team. "At the end of the day, my commitment is still to the Galaxy and that's not changed," he explains. "But I've been given a chance to join up with one of the biggest clubs in the world, so I'm going to do that." [AP]
• Madonna: In "full meltdown mode"? [MSNBC]
• Madonna plans to gather all of the items she received from Guy Ritchie: photos, gifts and letters — and scan them before burying them. Yeah, she's gong to bury them. In the ground. "It will be a little bit like a funeral as she lays that part of her life to rest," a source spills. [NY Post]
• The latest is that Madonna and Guy are fighting over the household staff, with each demanding that the employees testify against the other. [Daily Mail]
• Guy will visit the kids next month but there's "no way" Madonna will be there when they see each other. [Mirror]
• Did Guy try to turn Madonna into an English housewife? [Mirror]
• Did Guy And Madonna's marriage end when she started scheduling sex around her gym workouts? [Daily Mail]
• Madonna and the kids were seen leaving the Kabbalah center in New York over the weekend. Lourdes was wearing a Barack Obama T-shirt. [The Sun]
• Yay, Amy Poehler had a baby boy named Archie Arnett! Boo, Amy won't be on SNL ever again. [AP]
• Slash: Working on a "star-studded" solo album! [Reuters]
• Jerry Lewis was on Australian TV when a reporter asked him about cricket. "Oh, cricket? It's a fag game. What are you, nuts?" Lewis replied. It's been a year since he used the same gay slur on his telethon. What's his problem? [AP]
• Check out this picture of Beyoncé as Sasha Fierce: Flexible! [Concrete Loop]
• Zack And Miri Make A Porno: Not playing in Salt Lake City, Utah. Too "raunchy." But! You can totally see Saw V there. [Page Six]
• Thieves hit the set of Prison Break! Cash, credit cards, documents and a computer were stolen from trailers. The robbers cleaned out $25,000 from Jodi Lyn O’Keefe's checking account and charged $14,000 on her credit cards, right on the heels of her finding out she's being written out of the show. The thieves hit Dom Purcell's credit cards as well. [The Sun]
• Celebs who live in Greenwich Village, New York, are being targeted by "trash-trollers." Someone's going through the garbage and discovering secrets in the trashcans of people like Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker, Liv Tyler, Charlie Rose and Graydon Carter. It's mostly prescription receipts. [Page Six]
• Elle Macpherson's new man is a convicted drug trafficker. He's reformed, though. [Daily Mail]
• OMG: Sienna MIller and Jude Law almost ran into each other in London. [Mirror]
• A new book alleges that Heath Ledger was bipolar. [Mirror]
• Look for Michelle Obama to be hanging out with Jay Leno on The Tonight Show this evening! [USA Today]
• John Malkovich, who has lived in France for 10 years, is in the midst of a tax dispute. He's refusing to hand over the cash and there will be a trial. [Daily Express]
• Even though she was seen cuddling up with a hot hot model, Kylie Minogue says she does not have a man. She's free and single! [The Sun]
• Prince Harry wants to start the full Army Air Corps program and be a helicopter pilot. The failure rate is high, but Harry has passed an initial aptitude test. Fly, Harry, fly. [BBC News]
• Katie "Jordan" Price and husband Peter Andre are holding crisis talks about the future of their marriage. Stay tuned. [Mirror]
• Mariah Carey will appear on UK show The X Factor. [The Sun]
• Alvin and the Chipmunks: releasing an album of covers for theur 50th anniversary. Led Zeppelin's "Rock and Roll," Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer," Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds." Migraine meds not included. [Reuters]
• Phil Spector talks shit about the Beatles. [Mirror]
• A blonde teenager who was "wooed and bedded" by James Blunt — and then caught the singer in bed with another woman — says: "I just want people to know exactly what type of person he is. Everything he says in his songs is bullshit." [News.com.au]
• Peter Cook is not giving teen mistress Diana Bianchi any cash, because her lawyers badmouthed him? [TMZ]
• Dave Grohl and wife: Expecting baby #2. [People]
• Former Grateful Dead keyboardist, Mel Saunders, has died. Harold "Hal" Kant, the lawyer who represented the Grateful Dead for more than 30 years, has also died. [AP, UPI]
• No man has won more Emmys for performance than actor and social activist Ed Asner, but there has never been a biography of his life — and there probably never will be. [Yahoo News]
• The title track from Axl Rose's Chinese Democracy was actually released to radio last week. The album will be released on November 24. It's been 17 years since a Guns N'Roses album came out. [Guardian]
• These celebrity trading cards, PopCardz, sound lame. [AP]
• "I just like sitting and watching people. I love seeing people having fun. Everyone over in L.A. is too cool for it. That’s the problem." — from "A Night Out With Lukas Haas." [NY Times]
• "I had the fat removed from under my chin. That's why I wear the goatee because it covers the scar. If I went for laser treatment, I could get rid of it, but I thought, fuck it, I'll wear a goatee. My nose, that was straightened. Then, with the eyes, they took the heaviness out of the lids." — Tom Jones, detailing his plastic surgery. [Mirror]
• "I hadn't heard that Joe the Plumber dropped my name. I'm honored to be in the little passion play, to be an extra." — Matt Damon. [USA Today]
• "A legend is someone who has died… I used to drag people up on stage, whip them and pretend to fuck them in the rear. You can’t get more intimidating than that. But I’m honest about it, so the men who go out with me know I’m going to be more macho than them. My husband used to shout at my mother, 'What is wrong with your daughter? I'm married to a man.' I'm not like a normal woman, that’s for sure." — Grace Jones. [Times of London]
• "Oh, there's no squabble [between me and Tina Turner]. The people at USA Today just grossly exaggerated that I was fuming. That's ludicrous. I've always appreciated Ms. Turner and she just kind of overstepped herself and chose to speak on my ego when I really thought she was being more descriptive of herself. Mmm-hmm. Particularly in view of the fact that she doesn't even know me." — Aretha Franklin. [Washington Post]
• "I definitely regret all the things I said about Samantha [Ronson]. I’m a Christian. I should not pass judgment on anyone. In the past, I felt that the best way to get to [Lindsay] was to speak out publicly, and it was the wrong choice. Family matters should be kept private. I’ve learned that now." — Michael Lohan. [NY Magazine]
• "I put on a significant amount for Body Of Lies and I really enjoyed that. When I got that phone call it was just one of those wonderful moments where you turn to your wife and say, 'Baby I'm really sorry but I gotta eat.' I loved it." — Russell Crowe. [Daily Express]
• "It's not all about singing. Being the Queen is not all about singing and being a diva is not all about singing. It has much to do with your service to people. And your social contributions to your community and your civic contributions as well. I contribute to the food banks in Detroit, and the churches. And that kind of thing." — Aretha Franklin. [Washington Post]