• When John McCain was asked to comment on Jerome Corsi's work of Obama-hating fiction, McCain told the reporter, "gotta keep your sense of humor." This caused an uproar, so McCain's spokeswoman said he never heard the question. So he's either politically tone deaf or going deaf? Good save. [CNN]
• It's probably because the campaign has more important things to deal with, like convincing right-to-lifers that McCain would, like, totally not pick a pro-choice VP even though he said he would. Pick one! Maybe then they really will stay home. [Politico]
• McCain defended his love of ABBA today by saying his taste in music was stuck back in the sixties when he got shot down. Unfortunately, it turns out ABBA started recording in the seventies. Was this part of the torture technique of the North Vietnamese? [CNN, Attackerman]

• Condi Rice is in the other Georgia, getting them to sign a cease-fire as the Russians continue running around shooting at stuff. [NY Times]
• The Pentagon is making sure troops overseas get absentee ballots for this election. They're doing their part — even though way more deployed troops are donating to Obama than McCain. Are you doing yours to make sure you can vote in November? [CNN, Attackerman]
• And in what might be the strangest news of the day, the conservative Heritage Foundation has admitted that Obama's tax plan will save middle class voters more money than McCain's. They tied themselves up in knots trying to make that sound like a bad thing, but they couldn't quite manage. Watch out for the Four Horsemen this weekend — this is definitely a sign of something. [NY Sun]

MEGAN: Are you ready for another morning of crap?

DAVID: Whoo-hoo!

MEGAN: I text messaged with Moe last night when we were both drunk and now I'm a little hungover, so I'm feeling very nostalgic.

DAVID: Aw, I'm not nearly as pretty as she is.

MEGAN: Neither am I, but it's okay because I made an entire bar of straight men stare at Michael Phelps' cock and thus made every single guy uncomfortably consider his sexuality for a brief moment. I should strive for volume control when I'm drinking, but it was late, the bar was empty and the Olympics were on, so when I went "Oh my God, look at how big his penis is!" everyone in the bar looked at the TV. The bartender might still be laughing. It's a good thing I'm a regular.

DAVID: I would have led the assembled bar patrons in the national anthem if I'd been there. So, does Phelps dress to the left or to the right?

MEGAN: Apparently, according to the embarrassed friend I was with, there's a penis-and-nut restraining strap in competitive swimwear, so it was sort of sticking straight up.

DAVID: Well, then I hope you and everyone there at least saluted or put your hands over your hearts.

MEGAN: I mostly dissolved into drunken giggling because I was drunk and I made a bar of dudes stare at another dude's penis.

DAVID: And you weren't even drinking on P Street were you?

MEGAN: Nope! But all of this was a roundabout way of saying to you "Hey! Look at these shirtless Obama pictures!. I'll wait for a minute while you do.

DAVID: While I do, have you downloaded your own .pdf of "Unfit for Publication" yet? All the cool kids are doing it.

MEGAN: No, I meant to but then I heard it is 40 pages long. And since I wasn't planning on reading the Corsi book unless someone paid me to do so for the purpose of ripping it to shreds, I don't need to read 40 pages about why it sucks and is inaccurate. I already assume that it sucks and is inaccurate. I watched Hillary: The Movie (because someone paid me) and that sucks and was inaccurate.

DAVID: Aw, look at Barry in the ocean. You know, I've really been trying to avoid the Candidate-as-Pin-Up phenomenon, but sometimes it's, um, hard.

MEGAN: I like penis jokes!

DAVID: Who doesn't?

MEGAN: John McCain probably doesn't. He just likes to call his wife a cunt for plastering on her make-up like a trollop.

DAVID: Has anyone seen video of the overenthusiastic handshake that did Cindy's wrist in? A friend of mine who has worked at the local battered women's shelter says that she's heard that kind of excuse for wrist injuries a million times. She thinks McCain was roughing her up. And given his temper and issues with women, I believe it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

MEGAN: Whoa. I never even thought about that. I just thought Cindy was so thin that with her little bird-like wrists it was too easy to sprain but you're right, just pumping a hand up and down, it would be hard to sprain a wrist and even the most enthusiastic hand-shakers usually temper it for a woman.

DAVID: Also in the Telegraph, John Bolton on what we should do about Russia and Georgia. I haven't read the piece yet, but what do you bet his answer involves sending a bunch of other people's kids over there to fight?

MEGAN: No, I don't think there's any oil in Georgia and, like North Korea, the Russians have nukes. I would assume that this would be one of the rare occasions where the neocons talk about the importance of diplomacy and try not to look like the actual foreign policy cowards they are since they only like invading places they're sure they can topple in under a week and where the press isn't going to be able to get good footage of the casualties.

DAVID: How much longer before we can stop calling the neocons "neo-" anything? They've been around for a few years now.

MEGAN: Well, I don't think it's how long they've been around, I think it's to distinguish them from the brand of conservative that isn't quite as reprehensible when it comes to foreign policy. Since we're talking politics, can we please discuss the utter non-brilliance of bringing back the Fairness Doctrine, which far too many Americans think would be a good idea? Because that shit burns me.

DAVID: Oh, you know, this is your chance to educate me on why bringing back the Fairness Doctrine is a bad idea. I can see both sides of the issue and as with any issue where I haven't formed a solid opinion, I think I must not know enough about it yet.

MEGAN: The A Number One Reason it is a bad idea is that it relies on a government agency to decide fairness. And who runs government agencies? Politicians. And what changes periodically? Which party is in power. The Fairness doctrine is a stupid, outdated bullshit concept that government can mandate political speech appropriately. See also: Ken Tomlinson. Want another one of those dudes around telling you what you ought to be hearing?

DAVID: I dunno, at this point I'm willing to cling to anything that means less air-time for Limbaugh. I see your point, though, and I do find it a bit sinister that 30% of the people polled by Rasmussen favor enforced "fairness" in blogging, which is more than I think I could manage. How do they propose to enforce that?

MEGAN: Also, just so's you know, you know who also loves the concept of the fairness doctrine? Right-wing conservatives.

DAVID: But you know, Megan, there's something I want to discuss with you. Remember last year when you guys had a "Jezegay", Ryan? I was, like, so jealous. Can I call myself a Jezegay now?

MEGAN: I don't think you can dub yourself a Jezegay, you must be dubbed as such and that, my friend, is up to the commenters.

DAVID: Tell them that if they'll make me a Jezegay I'll be handing out foot-rubs and free beer all weekend.

MEGAN: Morning! People has this stupid teaser on its webpage for its cover story on Elizabeth Edwards' feelings told by other people as though people like you and I are going to run out and buy the magazine? I'd be tempted to make an appointment with my acupuncturist who has a description and gets it in the office, which costs a hell of a lot more money but is more useful than a magazine. Anyway, apparently, it hurt to hear that her husband was sticking his penis in other women. Has your curiosity been satiated?

DAVID: I don't feel like I'll have a real handle on the story until Mike Allen at the Politico has interviewed Elizabeth about her Hollywood crushes, though.

MEGAN: I'll be she thinks George Clooney is cute.

DAVID: Well, clearly the lesson from all this is that we shouldn't vote for John Edwards in November. Now, can we move along, people?

MEGAN: Wait, though, can we go back to Rush Limbaugh for a second? Because I think I might be allowed to crush on Keith Olbermann after he went after Rush last night. (Skip to minute 3, if you want to see it.)

DAVID: Oh, sweet. I need to watch that. Olbermann is uneven for me. Sometimes he's awesome and then other times he goes so far over the top. Whereas my love for Rachel Maddow is unconditional and all-consuming.

MEGAN: Yes, I have to agree about Rachel, but, um, Keith could, say, call me in Denver and yell about how awesome smart women are for a while.

DAVID: So, what do you think about Arkansas? Do you feel like the shooting was politically motivated?

MEGAN: I mean, if it wasn't politically motivated, why Gwatney in particular?

DAVID: Most reports I'm seeing are refraining from speculation about motivation, but I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that this is exactly what I was talking about yesterday with the Limbots going insane and lashing out at Librull Amurrka. Of course, the fact that Righty screamer Michelle Malkin felt the need to issue a denial of involvement before the body was even cold speaks volumes to me.

MEGAN: Some Internet troll types think it's another Clinton conspiracy. For real.

DAVID: Conservatism, I am starting to believe, is a form of mental illness. Malkin is up to her old tricks again of publishing the contact information of people who challenge her. If you go down that thread and look, Malkin published some detractor's email address and full name and her commenters are bragging about looking up the guy's mother's name and threatening her.

MEGAN: Hey, you know, that shit got some dudes a NY Times Magazine cover story, so...

DAVID: Delightful people. Funny how much her denial of blame yesterday reminds me of her denial of blame in the death of UC Santa Cruz administrator Denice Denton.

MEGAN: Yes, we get it, Michelle, you are not personally responsible for all the evil in the world, not even the evil committed by your fans. Speaking of pissing off Michelle's fans, did you see that the Census Bureau came out with new figures that say white people won't be the majority by 2042? Interesting timing on that one.

DAVID: Except that she is. But speaking of trolls, did you see Larry King last night? Larry King and Paul Waldman handed Obama-bashing Jerome Corsi's his ass on a pizza.

HA! Segway jinx! Yes, 2042 is when Mark Penn's target voters will no longer be the top dogs. To tell you the truth, I'm a little disappointed because I thought that white people were already outnumbered.

MEGAN: I mean, is it just a little interesting to you that the government comes out with these figures that we've all know for ages now that prompt headlines like White Americans no longer a majority by 2042 a mere 11 days before the start of the first Democratic convention which will make Obama (an African-American) the first major- party candidate for President? Or am I just that paranoid?

DAVID: When it comes to the perfidy of corporate media, I don't think you can ever be too paranoid, can you?

MEGAN: Possibly not.

DAVID: I mean, you've got Karl Rove's buttboy in at the top of the AP, GE owns NBC and MSNBC, then there's ClearChannel and Pox News. Even public radio and television are beholden to big money donors like BP and Wal-Mart.

MEGAN: You know what's really funny?

DAVID: Really, Megan, it's all down to you. You alone can tell the world the Truth. What's funny?

MEGAN: A good friend of mine used to work at Alticor, which owns Amway (which, of course) doesn't advertise AND is heavily Republican... and they complain about the perfidy of the corporate media and the influence of advertising dollars, too.

Aaaanyway, back to topical stuff... Want to talk about how this might be the first convention since 1984 that Jesse Jackson doesn't speak at? Or that he'll watch D.C. mayor Adrian Fenty (kind of a cutie) and House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn but not House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charlie Rangel speak (though, the latter might be because he's had a couple of easily-foreseen ethical scandals crop up recently)?

DAVID: Oh, well, I think that might be for the best, don't you? Maybe he has a pressing gig talking about spaying and neutering at a veterinary convention. Honestly, I think it may be time for Reverend Jackson to spend some more time with his families.

MEGAN: I'm actually kind of disappointed in Charlie Rangel. It's like when people in D.C. said, "No one could be a bigger, more condescending prick who abuses the power of his office than Bill Thomas" he took that as a challenge.

DAVID: Everybody needs goals in life. Charlie was just reaching for that rainbow, living the dream. Can we really fault him for that?

MEGAN: Sort of like the owner of the gay cruising site that's maxed out to McCain.

DAVID: Well, I have a theory about that.

MEGAN: Self-loathing? Or straight entrepreneur?

DAVID: Your gay Republican types thrive in an atmosphere of repression and secrecy. They want their gay sex dirty, shameful, and totally secret. They don't want to have stable gay marriages or adopt kids. They want to get down on it Larry Craig style.

MEGAN: And so he thinks in a McCain administration his cruising site will do better? Actually, given McCain's incredibly gay entourage, that might not be too far off the mark.

DAVID: I've thought about this a lot. I never could understand why someone would be a gay Republican. It's like being a chicken for Col. Sanders.

MEGAN: God, reading that just made my stomach growl.

DAVID: But then the more I thought about it, and as more and more and more twisted gay sex scandals came to light in the GOP, I started putting together my Unified Field Theory of Gay Republicans. For them it's all about The Forbidden.

Well, that and racism.