• Jon Gosselin attempted to make peace with Kate Gosselin at a divorce arbitration hearing yesterday by bringing roses to the courtroom. Kate turned them down, "but in the end it all came together and concluded on a happy note." [People]

• According to Jon's lawyer, Mark Heller "it's possible" that The Gosselins divorce could be finalized by the end of the year. [People]
• According to ABC, production has temporarily stopped on Courteney Cox's show Cougar Town "in order for Courteney to deal with a private family matter." [People]
• Whoops! Michael Phelps allegedly owes $23,289.16 in back taxes to the State of California. [TMZ]
• "My old agent used to promote me as the male Keira Knightley. (Laughs) I thought: ‘Well, what does that say about me exactly?' Do I pout a lot or something?"-Robert Pattinson [Mirror]
• Melanie Brown, aka Scary Spice, says that she hasn't completely ruled out posing for Playboy: "Playboy are always asking me to pose for them. They've asked me on and off for the past five years, which I'm really flattered by, but it's all about timing and right now it's not the right time. But I definitely haven't ruled it out." [Mirror]
• One of Seth Meyers' ways of winding down on Sundays after a long night at SNL is to call his parents: "I've called them every Sunday since I went away to college," he says, "We started this family football pool when my brother and I were, like, 9 and 7; I guess they felt it was a key thing, to teach us the building blocks of gambling at a young age. Or maybe they figured it would always give us a reason to call home. I lost $10 last week." [NYTimes]
• "Not too long ago. my mum ran into one nun at home, who'd known me, and the nun told her, 'Oh my God, I watched the "She-Wolf" video, and Shakira looks phenomenal in it! I love how she looks, how she does the splits, and how flexible her legs are.' This was an 80-year-old nun. Times are changing."-Shakira [Guardian]
• Jennifer Aniston eats french fries. Is it because she's lonely? Because Angelina Jolie "stole" her husband away? Because she desperately wants a child?! Or maybe, just maybe, she eats fries because—gasp!—she likes them?! [E!]
• John Travolta thanked his neighbors in Ocala, Florida at a recent screening of his new film, Old Dogs, for the support they showed his family after the death of his son, Jett: "We know that we have a community. We know that we have friends. And we know that we are loved. We appreciate it. Jett appreciates it. We love you, Ocala." [People]
• Jay-Z reportedly "refused to be photographed with the Victoria's Secret models for fear of upsetting his wife, Beyoncé. [PageSix]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs spent $3 million on his 40th birthday party, which included a "$30,000 orchid display." [PageSix]
• Mariah Carey has also been a big spender lately, reportedly dropping £750,000 during a recent four-day trip to London. [DailyMail]
• New Moon took in 72.7 million dollars at the box office on Friday, breaking the one-day record set by The Dark Knight in 2008. [Yahoo]
• According to Entertainment Weekly, Lady Gaga's performance at the American Music Awards this evening "appears to be her most far-reaching live effort yet, as though she took a look at that bizarre gyroscope dress-to-piano transition she rather botched on Saturday Night Live and said, "Yeah, but what if we made it even harder for me to get to the keyboard?" [EW]
• Stop the presses: Victoria Beckham took her children out for frozen yogurt! And one of them had a tantrum! But then she gave him a talking to! And then everyone got yogurt! Huzzah! [DailyMail]
• "I don't want to be a sex symbol. I'm a geek. Anyway if I was naked on screen it would not be titillating."-Simon Pegg [Mirror]
• Gayle King, whose previous talk show attempt flopped in the ratings, may get a second chance at a talk show after Oprah Winfrey's show goes off the air in 2011. [PageSix]
• "I think there's some artists that are really focused on the music and the artistry, but I also think being a showman and being an entertainer is more than just being a musician. It's everything-it's something to look at and to listen to."-Adam Lambert [JustJared]
• "He has to be good in bed and the size matters. The inner beauty counts as well, but without a toy it doesn't make it fun. Right now I don't want to have a serious relationship, I want to have fun. I love flirting at the moment. I'm single and I'm enjoying my freedom. But I don't give my phone number out that often. But if I'm dating, I check the boy from the top to the bottom."-Rihanna [ShowbizSpy]
• "The day my Britain's Got Talent audition was shown on TV life changed for ever. I was sitting at home watching the show alone. Then, when I came on the telly, I heard shouting outside my window. My neighbours were outside jumping for joy, screaming and and shouting. We ended up having a bit of a street party."-Susan Boyle [Mirror]
• "I'm in the know because I did courses. I like to be known as me, first of all – that's the problem with being associated with any religion. Different things in Scientology have helped me become even more of an individual, not a blind follower. People are like: "What? I thought they steal your money." Nobody's stealing my money."- Juliette Lewis [Guardian]
• Michael Jackson's famous Moonwalk glove was sold at auction yesterday for $350,000, far above its original estimate of $40,000-$60,000. [Yahoo]
• Amy Winehouse is planning on getting a nose job. "Amy's become totally obsessed with surgery since her boob job," says a source, "She wants her nose made smaller to fit with her small face as she hates the fact her nose is so big and she doesn't like the shape. Amy says she can barely look in the mirror at the moment as she hates it so much. She's booked in for January but is pushing to get it done sooner. Her family are dead-set against it and her brother has gone mad at her saying it will ruin her whole look and she will become unrecognisable. They're trying to talk her out of it but Amy's having none of it." [Mirror]
• "Jake is the kind of guy who can do a spot-on impression of someone you work with that will make you giggle. He plays guitar and has a great voice. Kids and dogs love him. He loves his mom and sister and girlfriend. He's perfect. Too bad he's ugly."-Natalie Portman on Jake Gyllenhaal [JustJared]

[Image via INFDaily.]

• Heidi Klum is not Superwoman, okay? She's not walking in the Victoria's Secret runway show a mere month after giving birth to her fourth child. She's just going to host it. Sheesh. Some people have such unrealistic expectations. [E!]

• Meanwhile, this year's angels have been named: Candice Swanepoel, Chanel Iman, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Emanuela de Paula, and Lindsay Ellingson have all been welcomed into the fold. [SB]
• In other important lingerie news, some people who sell bras in London say that 1950s-style pointy bras are gaining popularity. However, none of the equipment pictured looks that pointy. [Daily Mail]
• Tom Ford says he struggled with depression after leaving Gucci, in 2004. "I started to sink emotionally, spiritually. I became a little bit lost. Leaving Gucci, it intensified because I had been able to cling to my job and to my work and to my identity as a successful fashion designer, and all of a sudden that was gone. It forced me to really think, Well, what am I, who am I, what am I about? It took me a bit of time to figure that out. I think this happens to most people in their life if they're insightful enough to indulge it and to get through to the other side." [W]
• This week's episode of Project Runway was shot partly at the Getty Center, and the challenge for the contestants is to create outfits that somehow reflect the museum and its architecture. There's a free screening at 7 tonight at the museum. [LATimes]
• Lady Gaga is now backtracking from her earlier claims, to Flare magazine, in which she said she would do a clothing line "at some point." The singer told the Accessories Council awards gala that she and her styling team aren't into that: "We will never do a line; we are not an economy." Then Toms founder Blake Mycoskie reminded the audience, gathered to celebrate, in Diane Von Furstenberg's words "friends you can carry with you and they make you feel better," that "Shoes, for 40 percent of the world, are not an accessory. They're a necessity." [Style.com]
• 50 Cent's torso appears in all its smoothly airbrushed glory for his new fragrance campaign, which he revealed to People. [People]
• Stephanie Winston-Wolkoff, who, until this July, worked at Vogue and essentially ran the annual Met Costume Institute Gala, has just been confirmed as the new director of fashion week at Lincoln Center. [FWD]
• There's news about Isaac Mizrahi's QVC collection, which goes on sale December 4, but we know what we all really are curious about is the cheesecake that will be sold. It's made by Junior's, the top looks to be printed with tartan in edible inks, and the crust is chocolate-flavored cookies. It'll be $40. Also for sale will be an Isaac Mizrahi banana nut loaf and chocolate-chip cookies. Yum. [WWD]
• Sociology major and current Prada face Kendra Spears, on embarrassing moments: "Well, during a hurried interview backstage an investigatory journalist asked me what I liked to do when I was at home and I said, 'nothing too commotious.' Afterwards, I realized commotious isn't even a word." And on jobs she held, pre-modeling: "I worked part time as an assistant to the owner of a company called LiftPort which was (and may still be) in the forefront of technologies, mostly carbon nanotubes, to build an elevator into space." [W]
• Because of the weak economy, more parents are trying to get agency representation for modeling and talent work for their children. Also because of the weak economy, there are fewer jobs to go around, and those jobs are still offered are less well-paying. [WSJ]
• Rumor has it that John Galliano is designing and decorating this year's Christmas tree for London's Claridge's hotel. [Style.com]
• Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders of Absolutely Fabulous are in the Marks & Spencer holiday ads. [Mirror]
• Designer Adam Lippes, who staffs his office with around 20 interns at any one time, says of them: "[I]t's rare to find an intern — especially one from a fashion school — that has good style. Because they try sooo hard, and it never works! You know?" Having been once dressed by an Adam Lippes intern who was wearing a kind of 1980s Medusa costume, with a corset, we are tempted to agree, but for chrissakes, Lippes, they work for you for free. (Also: look who's talking.) [The Cut]
• Photographer Jean-Baptiste Mondino is against France's proposed retouching laws, which would require digitally altered images to bear labels stating that they have been, well, digitally altered. He tells Libération Next, "The photos of old Hollywood? Retouched! The iconic image of Che Guevara? Retouched! All the photos taken by Richard Avedon of Marilyn Monroe? Retouched! And all of this before today's software existed, of course. Legs were lengthened using a wide angle; skins were smoothed through overexposure." Because using a wide-angle lens is exactly the same as scissoring one head onto another body and placing the Frankenstein creation into a separately shot background and then liquifying the nose a little and changing the light source and strength and whittling down the waist. [WWD]
• Christian Siriano's holiday collection for Payless has turned up online. Are these even supposed to bear any resemblance to what he shows with his runway collection anymore? [Payless]
• Jodi Arnold, starting with her resort collection, is changing the name of her line from MINT Jodi Arnold, to Jodi Arnold NYC. The designer, who has a new job working on a collaboration with The Limited, also just opened her first store, a pop-up in Greenwich village. [WWD]
• The son of the founder of Escada is one of the bidders — in a consortium with the former head of Gucci and the department store owners Borletti Group — for the bankrupt German house. They are offering $118.2 million. [Reuters]
• Steve Madden is not only not bankrupt, it's feeling pretty acquisitory. C.E.O. Edward Rosenfeld says the company is on the lookout for brands worth $30-$40 million, but could splurge on something worth up to $100 million. [TS]
• Valentino head Stefano Sassi, says everything at the house is just great!!! Nothing to see here!!! Doth the C.E.O. protest too much? [Reuters]
• Liz Claiborne's third quarter losses were even bigger than expected. This is the company's eighth consecutive quarter of losing money. [WSJ]

It's actually all the way down to #84 in America now, but when I was growing up in the eighties and nineties, Jennifer was everywhere. One commenter on The Baby Name Wizard says, "When you are a 'Jennifer' you will always be known by your first and last name, never just 'Jennifer'" — and indeed, I knew a lot of girls who were doomed to go through school as Jennifer L., Jennifer K., or Jennifer W. Perhaps it's inevitable that a name so common would pick up a girl-next-door vibe, and to me Jennifer immediately conjures up the image of a neat ponytail and a nonthreatening expression. Jennifer's pretty, but she isn't beautiful — and she certainly isn't slutty. She's nice, and she has good friends — she might be the kind of girl with two really close besties, but they're no mean-girl triumvirate. Jennifer will lend you an extra pencil if you need one, but she won't give you her kidney. She's not a Beth, after all. The best thing about being a Jennifer is that no one has anything bad to say about you. The worst thing is that they might get you mixed up with all the other girls who have your name.

Celebrity Jennifers fit the Jennifer stereotype to a T — and maybe they've helped define it. Diva J.Lo is something of an outlier, and Jennifer Connelly seems kind of icy, but smiley Jennifer Garner looks just like the kind of Jennifer G. who got picked a solid third in gym class seven years in a row. And would Jennifer Aniston be the all-American girl to Angelina Jolie's dangerous temptress if her name were, say, Isabel? I think not. Of course, perhaps Aniston's pleasant face and the lengths to which her publicists have gone to make her seem "relateable" have contributed to the image of a Jennifer as a comfortable, average girl — even if she was once married to Brad Pitt.

A common name does have its advantages. As I write this post, I've been thinking back to all the Jennifers I've known — giggly Jennifers, no-nonsense Jennifers, hilarious Jennifers, downright scary Jennifers, and of course a large assortment of Jennys, Jens, and Jenns. Everybody knows a Jennifer, so everybody probably has an opinion of what Jennifers are like — and some of these opinions are bound to be interesting. Having a vanilla name also gives you the opportunity for under-the-radar coolness. Mike Doughty has a pretty great song called "27 Jennifers" that goes, in part,

I went to school with 27 Jennifers,
16 Jenns, 10 Jennies, and then there was her.

When you share your name with 26 other people, you've got a shot at being her, the one who stands out from all the rest and makes an everyday name into something new and weird and awesome. Having a name that's cast from a common mold can be pretty cool, if you're the one to break it.

Jennifer [Wikipedia]
Jennifer [Baby Name Wizard]

Earlier: I Is For Isabel, Who's Snooty, But Earns It
H Is For Hillary, A Barrel Of Laughs
G Is For Grace - What's That Up Her Sleeve?
F Is For Francesca, And I Wish I Were Her
E Is For Emily, Who Seems Sweet (At First)
D Is For Danielle (Or Dani, Who's Apparently Kinda Judgey)
C Is For Courtney, Who's Too Cool For School
B is for Beth (And Barack! And Bandana!)
A Is For Anna: What My First Name Says About Me

• A London man found the album from Amy Winehouse's wedding to Blake Fielder-Civil in a dumpster with some photos torn out and Amy's beehive colored in.

• The man said, "I don't know if Amy threw the album away or her ex (did), but my wife said that's what she would do if we ever divorced, so it could have been the actions of an angry woman... Whoever threw it away obviously never wanted to look at that album again." Amy's rep issued a statement that she wanted it back, and the man returned it. [The Daily Express]
• A 44-year-old woman has accused Dr. Phil or sexually molesting her when she was being treated by him and interning for him in the summer of 1985, according to The National Enquirer. "He profoundly affected the course of my life. The world should know this man is a predator and a bully. He shouldn't be telling Americans how to live their lives, how to improve themselves." said the woman. [The National Enquirer]
• Vanessa Hudgens lawyer says she's considering filing criminal charges against websites that publish nude photos of her taken when she was underage. She took the photos herself and believes her computer may have been hacked. [TMZ]
• Tony Curtis claims in his new book The Making of 'Some Like It Hot' that he and Marilyn Monroe had an affair while filming the movie. They were both married to other people, and he says she was pregnant with his child, but miscarried. [The Daily Mail]
• Despite recent rumors that Katherine Jackson is so convinced foul play was involved in Michael Jackson's death she wants a third autopsy done on his body, a family source says, "there is neither a plan nor a need for another autopsy." [E!]
• The Jackson family has finally decided to bury Michael Jackson at Forest Lawn cemetery six weeks after his death. [WENN]
• In a federal complaint filed in New York, DEA agents say Michael Douglas' son Cameron Douglas has moved "pounds" of crystal meth since 2006. He was investigated for three years and allegedly tens of thousands of dollars of crystal meth. Three of his former clients are cooperating with prosecutors in the hope that the sentence for their narcotics convictions will be reduced. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus has been granted a temporary restraining order against Mark McLeod, the man arrested on Tuesday for allegedly attempting to stalk her. [TMZ]
• Wrigley's has "formally terminated" their relationship with Chris Brown. When news of his assault on Rihanna originally came out the company just suspended his campaign. [TMZ]
• Many American Idol staffers are excited to see Paula Abdul go according to a "veteran key Idol staff member" who said, "Can't you hear our celebration? We broke out the good champagne tonight." [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Paula says Simon Cowell already misses her and claims she hasn't heard that Nigel Lythgoe of offered her a guest judge spot on an episode of So You Think You Can Dance. [TMZ]
• Some American Idol sources say there's a good chance Paula Abdul will come back to the show next season. [TMZ]
• Victoria Beckham will guest judge one episode of American Idol next season. [The Daily Mail]
• Tom Sizemore was arrested on domestic violence charges after an altercation with a woman in L.A. last night and is still in custody. [TMZ]
• Polish fire emergency services have to approve evacuation routes before Madonna's Warsaw concert can take place. Some Polish Roman Catholics are protesting the concert, which is scheduled to take place during the feast of the Assumption of the Holly Virgin Mary because they say Madonna is anti-Christian. [UPI]
• A lawyer for Samantha Burke, who is having Jude Law's baby in October, responded to an interview request saying, "At this time, Samantha has decided not to give an exclusive story," which Radar thinks is news. [Radar Online]
• Does the following sentence mean anything to you? "Leonardo DiCaprio went on a mad bender in Ibiza last night - with Jodie Marsh's ex-hubby Matt Peacock." We know how to say, "Where is the library?" and "Did Peter Andre cheat on Jordan?" but are still not fluent in British. [The Sun]
• Kid Rock sent over $1,500 to a pizza boy who was beaten by a gang and needed emergency reconstructive surgery after reading about his story in The Cincinnati Enquirer. [The Daily Express]
• Steven Tyler was dancing onstage and fell off the stage at a show in South Dakota. He was taken to the hospital and treated for minor head, neck, and shoulder injuries. Video at the link. [TMZ]
• Kate Gosselin will be on Today on Monday for her first interview since she and Jon Gosselin announced that they're divorcing. [Associated Press]
• On August 15 Alyssa Milano will marry talent agent David Bugliari at a private home in New Jersey. [Radar Online]
• Milla Jovovich and director Paul Anderson will marry on August 22. "It's going to be small," she said, "It's just going to be family and close friends. And it's at our home and it's going to be kind of like Havana/Cuban, like very California-Spanish feeling. It's going to be nice." [People]
• The Jay Leno Show will premiere on September 14 with musical guests Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Kanye West. [Variety]
• Britney Spears will appear at the Teen Choice Awards on Monday night. [BritneySpears.com]
• Kristen Wiig bought a Manhattan co-op from Mad Men and Sopranos director Alan Taylor. [N.Y. Observer]
• In the video at the link RHOA's NeNe Leakes says, "I TiVo a lot of things I'm on. I'm just the bomb," and discusses her love for Anderson Cooper and Maxwell. [Entertainment Weekly]
• In Paul Giamatti's new film Cold Souls he plays "an angst-ridden actor who is also Paul Giamatti and who literally has his soul surgically removed to help him cope with the stress of his career and life." He says of playing a fictional version of himself, "The only time it really struck me as very weird was when someone said my whole name during a scene, and I'd go, 'We should cut and start again because there's obviously a mistake there.' Then I'd remember I was actually playing me." [Reuters]
• Molly Ringwald says of her new twins Roman Stylianos and Adele Georgiana, "You get up with one of the babies and feed and change that one and get the baby back to sleep, and the other wakes up, and then you feed and change that one. It is exhausting, but it's wonderful," [People]
• "My friends love coming over [to my house], because they get fed," says Jennifer Aniston. "It's the best restaurant in town." Her personal chef adds, "Jen's a homebody. It's been so much fun to create a place where everybody feels comfortable, like one big family." [People]
• Sienna Miller says she "probably looked awful" for dating married father of four Balthazar Getty. "I probably seem like not a particularly nice person, not a girl's girl," she said. "I do think sometimes people get morally superior without understanding situations and the situation I got into was not ideal, but it happened and if I could go back and be more responsible, I would." [Us]

• Adam Lambert put an end to the speculation about his sexuality by going out to a nightclub last night with his boyfriend Drake LaBry. The two held hands and occasionally kissed.

• "When people saw Adam walk in all heads turned in his direction," said a source. "And it was obvious Adam was so proud to be there with Drake. So proud. As people were coming over to meet the singer Adam made a point to turn to Drake and introduce him to the crowd as his boyfriend." [Star]
• Michael Jackson told the promoter who is planning to sue him to perform in a concert with Janet Jackson and the Jackson 5 that he will do the concert in 2010. However, the promoter says he doesn't trust Jackson's word and he'll still sue unless he signs a contract. [TMZ]
• Diversity, the dance group that beat Susan Boyle, has already been booked by Kanye West to performat the Wireless Festival at London's Hyde Park in July, and it's rumored the Michael Jackson wants to work with them. [The Sun]
• Seven out of 10 Brits think Susan Boyle shouldn't have been allowed to appear on Britain's Got Talent according to a survey of 3,000 people. The article notes that she has "learning difficulties," and that people feel contestants on reality shows should undergo psychological testing before competing. [The Telegraph]
• At the trial yesterday of Tiny Virginia Makopo, the former matron of Oprah's school for girls, a teacher testified that Makopo forced one of the girls to watch pornography. [The Daily Mail]
• Here's some clips of Spencer and Heidi Pratt on the first episode of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here complaining that they're big celebrities, and they want NBC executives to get them out of there. It's may be fake drama for the cameras. Bonus: At the end of the clip Heidi eats a rat's tail. [TMZ]
• Or maybe it's not so fake. After Spencer and Heidi Pratt quit and rejoined the show several times during the first episode, NBC flew in Daniel Baldwin to join his brother Stephen Baldwin, who is already in the jungle, and Holly Montag, Heidi's sister. [People]
• Last night Lauren Conrad's last episode of The Hills aired. She wrote on her blog: It was a bittersweet night for me. A part of me is sad to say goodbye to something that has been such a prominent part of my life, but I know that it was time and I am very happy with my decision," adding, "From what I've heard the next season will not disappoint." [Perez Hilton]
• Last night's episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 showed Kate Gosselin celebrating her birthday with the kids while Jon Gosselin was in Utah with friends for a few days. Now a source says that his girlfriend Deanna Hummel was in Utah with him too. In other news, TLC has ordered 40 more episodes of the show and posted an ad on Craigslist looking for more families with multiples who want to appear on TLC. [The L.A. Times]
• The trophy Shawn Johnson won on Dancing With the Stars is in peices. "We had to take them to New York and they shipped them back and when they opened the box, they were in pieces," said her dancing partner Mark Ballas. "They're fixing them." [E!]
• 50 Cent said in court today that he wouldn't have bought Mike Tyson's mansion if he knew it needed millions in renovations. He's suing BVH Integrated Services, which he hired to inspect the home for him. They estimated it needed $500,000 in repairs, but so far 50 Cent has spent $6 million. [Associated Press]
• 50 Cent will star in the police corruption drama Caught in the Crossfire with Chris Klein and Adam Rodriquez. [Variety]
• After having dinner together at Tom Hanks' house, Jennifer Aniston invited Paul McCartney over to her home for lunch. [The Sun]
• Brandy has reached a settlement with the children of the woman who died in her 2006 car crash. Awatef Aboudihaj's two kids will receive $300,000 each. Her husband rejected Brandy's settlement offer in February. [TMZ]
• Though some have claimed Robert Pattinson has airbrushed-on abs in New Moon, costar Kellan Lutz says he's been training with fellow star Taylor Lautner. "Taylor been training Rob a lot, and that's why he's got such ripped abs. Rob's been working hard. He's trying to be the best he can be," says Lutz. [The Daily Express]
• Another day, another Robert Pattinson-Kristen Stewart rumor. A source says, "Robert and Kristen spent a lot of alone time together when they filmed the first Twilight movie - they'd stay up most of the night talking, laughing, playing music. Although [Robert] knew Kristen had a boyfriend, he made no secret of the fact that he was crazy about her." [Perez Hilton]
• The Real Housewives of New Jersey werer on the fourth hour of the Today show this morning. Danielle Staub alluded to the allegations that she was involved ina kidnapping and extortion plot saying, "I can just say, it's out there and it will be addressed. And I will definitely touch on all the subjects that are crucially in need of touching on at the time when the time is right." Also, Jacqueline Laurita couldn't be on the show because she's about to give birth to her third child and Teresa Giudice is pregnant. [People]
• Zac Efron will make a cameo on Entourage. Here's some scintillating gossip from the Beverly Hills Niketown where he was filming: "He was filming a scene and talking on his cell phone," says one Niketown employee. "None of the other Entourage cast was here. He was really nice." [E!]
• Rashida Jones and Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau have been seen out together many times this past week, fueling rumors that they are dating. [Politico]
• Jamie Kennedy showed up for an interview on the Johnjay & Rich radio show yesterday with girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt in tow and she did most of the talking. She said he'd better propose to her by next year and talked about Carrie Underwood snubbing her. You can listen to it here: [Perez Hilton]
• When talking to a gossip columnist, Vanessa Minnillo pointed to a 5-carat ring on her middle finger and said, "It will be 10 carats when it moves to the fourth finger!" as a not-so-subtle hint to Nick Lachey. [People]
• Michael Hall, husband of Michael Caine's daughter Natasha, is being sued by a former business associate who says he didn't pay him his cut of a large property deal. [The Daily Express]
• Trent Reznor says his former protégé Marilyn Manson is "a malicious guy and will step on anybody's face to succeed and cross any line of decency. Seeing him now, drugs and alcohol now rule his life and he's become a dopey clown." [Rolling Stone]
• Stephen Dorff is reportedly dating his publicist. [The Daily Express]
• Joan Rivers is selling the Upper East Side penthouse she bought 20 years ago for $25 million. You can check out pictures of her home, which looks like it was modeled after Versailles, at the link. [New York Magazine]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen went out together last night to celebrate a friend's birthday. An onlooker says, "They danced non-stop with their friends and playfully took photos of each other... They loved the music the deejay was spinning." [People]
• Pink Floyd co-founder Roger Waters visited a Palestinian refugee camp next to Israel's West Bank wall today. he said he hopes that "this thing, this awful thing, is destroyed soon." [Yahoo]
• Madonna will perform in Tel Aviv on September 1 for the last stop on her Sticky and Sweet tour. Her website says she's "very excited about returning to Israel for my last and final show." [USA Today]
• It seems Morrissey has recovered from his undisclosed illness. He's rescheduled four cancelled concerts for later this summer. [The Independent]
• Exene Cervenka of the punk band X, co-lead vocalist has revealed that she has Multiple Sclerosis. "After some months of not feeling 100% healthy, I recently had some medical tests run and the prognosis is that I am suffering from Multiple Sclerosis," Cervenka said. "Apparently, it has been affecting me for quite some time." [Rolling Stone]
• Diane Kruger is considering moving to Vancouver to be closer to Joshua Jackson. "My boyfriend's show [Fringe] is being transferred there," says Kruger. "He's from there. I'm going up this weekend but to see what it's like." But, she says, "it doesn't matter where we're going to live. We have no attachments anywhere. Home is where the other person is and that's really great. I could live anywhere as long as he's there." [The Telegraph]
• When Sports Illustrated reporter Dan Patrick asked Danica Patrick about taking performance enhancing drugs, she made some innocuous joke about it not being cheating if you don't get caught. This caused a huge controversy in the racing community and now she's apologized saying, "The whole interview with Dan [Patrick], and every other interview I've ever done with Dan, the questioning comes from left field. It was just a joke and I really apologize if it came across any other way. ... It was a bad joke. There is a lot of sensitivity in our culture about [performance-enhancing drugs]. With all the baseball stuff, I've followed it and this is a real problem. It's a shame kids think they have to do this to get ahead. It's very dangerous. ... It's absolutely not what I'm about. I've learned my lesson on what I should be joking about." [Sports Illustrated]
• When asked if she loves being pregnant with twins, Molly Ringwald said, "No. I don't hate it, though. There is something wonderful about it." She added, "I find it difficult to be restricted in my movements and to feel vulnerable all the time. I am used to feeling very strong and active." [People]
• "I never hook up," says Katy Perry, "If I really like a person, then I'll go on a date. But you'll never catch me just randomly making out with someone. I'm not casual at all. I've always been into making a connection with someone. That's what it's all about for me. Besides, it's sexier to be mysterious and not give it away." [People]
• Beth Ditto of The Gossip says she's willing to start a "band feud" with Katy Perry. She explains, "['I Kissed A Girl'] is a] boner dyke anthem for straight girls who like to turn guys on by making out or, like, faking gay. I hate Katy Perry! She's offensive to gay culture, I'm so offended. She's just riding on the backs of our culture without having to pay any of the dues and not being actually lesbian or anything at all." [The Daily Express]
• Nia Vardalos says: "In 2004 I came to the end of a 10-year infertility battle that knocked me over. So I decided to just quietly withdraw and write, and I enjoyed it... Now having come through it, I highly recommend it. I think when you let go and try and stop making things happen, you come out of it quite invigorated," Vardalos told Reuters. [Reuters]
• Michael Sheen, who played Tony Blair in The Queen received an OBE from the real queen for his service to drama, even though Queen Elizabeth probably isn't familiar with his work. He said, "I heard through a fairly reliable source that there was an agreement she was not going to watch the film and Mr. Blair wasn't going to watch the film either." [The Star]

• Rihanna has a new song, with guest vocals by Lady GaGa, titled Silly Boy. Kanye West posted it online, and the lyrics are:

"I said I'm not coming back. You fooled me once but you can't have that ego turning… Cause you had a good girl, good girl, girl. That's a keeper. You had a good girl, good girl but didn't know how to treat her… So silly boy get out my face. Why do you like the way regrets taste?" Maybe I'm old, but the vocals sound like they were performed by a GPS unit on a dashboard. [The Sun]

• Wow. Eminem is flying 200 laid-off Toledo auto workers to L.A. to be on Jimmy Kimmel Live May 15. The idea is to "put a face on" the plight of American auto workers. [Toledo Free Press]
• Tourism peeps in St. Lucia are still glad Amy Winehouse performed, even though her set at the St. Lucia Jazz Festival was cut short because of rain. Uh, didn't she walk off the stage? [Yahoo News via AP]
• Madonna is so over Yankee Alex Rodriguez, she took her kids to a Mets game. Burn! [Page Six]
• Although Brooke Shields is calling Kiefer Sutherland a "gentleman," this report notes that one of his former co-stars claims he would "go to the bar immediately after he'd finish working. He'd sit there for hours, putting them back. When it was time to go home, he'd be cantankerous and ornery. He was not a pleasant drunk." Now he faces a $1,000 fine and a year in jail in L.A. for violating his DUI probation. [Gatecrasher]
• Heidi Klum and Seal renewed their wedding vows in a "white trash" wedding, and reporter Rosemary Black writes, "Why is it still PC to make fun of a huge segment of the Caucasian population that is frequently low income and under-educated?" [NY Daily News]
• Will Kara DioGuardi return for another season of American Idol? Seems like she doesn't even know: "I hope I'm here for another season," she says, "but I haven't been asked yet." [Gatecrasher]
• After his stint on Saturday Night Live, Justin Timberlake had dinner with girlfriend Jessica Biel and father Randy Timberlake, who "seemed really proud of him." Aww. [Page Six]
• A lady who works at a St. Louis beauty salon found the Twilight sequel script in the trash outside of a hotel. She returned the New Moon pages to the studio and has been invited to the premiere. [Breitbart]
• The National Enquirer says that Kevin Federline wants more cash from Britney: He currently gets about $40,000 a month but "can't afford the rent, his help, the food and the booze it takes to keep up (his home)." According to a source. [MSNBC]
• Speaking of Britney, Sam Lutfi may have to pay her legal fees from the courtroom battle over the restraining order; that's about $123,142. Not to mention the $72,292 her lawyers are going to try and squeeze out of Adnan Ghalib. [People]
• How will the show Jon & Kate Plus 8 — the fifth season of which premieres in two weeks — deal with the "scandal" its star, Jon Gosselin is involved in? [MSNBC]
• Oh, no. No no no no. Jennifer Aniston wants to be on Mad Men. "I like Mad Men," says Jennifer. "I would love to be in that, it's great. I love the era. I would love it if they offered me a role." But, but, that's part of the charm! That there are no "stars," except for the ones the show created! Sniff. Sob. [Daily Express]
• These drunk pix allegedly caused the marriage of Katie "Jordan" Price and Peter Andre to disintegrate. The "mystery man" makes my gaydar ping, though. [The Sun]
• On Celebrity Apprentice, Joan Rivers sniped that Annie Duke was "worse than Hitler; Hitler never had PMS." Now Rivers says: "It's just an expression. But I stand behind it." [CNN]
• This paper says Joan Rivers is "forever the comeback kid." [NY Daily News]
• In this video interview from August, Farrah Fawcett talks about her terminal cancer: "It's much easier to go through something and deal with it without being under a microscope. It was stressful. I was terrified of getting the chemo. It's not pleasant. And the radiation is not pleasant. It becomes your life. People call, 'How are you?' 'How do you feel?' 'We're praying for you.' 'Do you still have your hair?' 'What do you feel like?' When every single call is that kind of call… it's all you talk about. It's all-consuming. Then, your quality of life is never the same." [LA Times]
• In this video, Farrah Fawcett's friend Alana Stewart talks about the "cutting edge" treatment FF received in Germany. [ET]
• Ryan O'Neal recalls the moment he knew Farrah Fawcett was really really sick; they were walking on the beach: "We used to take that walk all the time to the rocks and back. And halfway there she stopped and said, 'Can we go back?' And Red and I looked at each other and we knew…" Also, Farrah doesn't realize son Redmond visits the house in shackles, since he is currently serving a jail sentence. "When you go in to her," Ryan tells Redmond, "don't rattle your chains." Ryan told Today's Meredith Vieira, "She doesn't know... she just holds him." [People]
• The Gossip Girl spinoff, possibly now called Lily and not Valley Girls, appears to be BACK ON. [NY Mag]
• Heidi Montag Pratt has a new video, which involves writhing in a bikini. Also breaking: The sky is blue. [Perez]
• In this interview with Depeche Mode, Martin Gore talks about giving up drinking and Andy Fletcher comments on the band's 30th year of being together: "I think at first when we found out it was going to be 30 years, I think it was, 'Oh my God, how embarrassing. We're really old!' But I think now we've really got our heads around it, and I think it's something to be actually proud of." [CNN]
• Yoko Ono has unveiled a John Lennon exhibit at New York City's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex. Included is a billboard featuring Lennon's blood-splattered glasses that marked the 30th anniversary of his death. Ono says: "I thought I might be criticized for it.. But it's very important now for people to understand what violence is about." [USA Today]
• Congrats to SNL star Maya Rudolph, who is expecting baby number 2. [People]
• Ooh, Rachel Weisz is in talks to play one of my faves, Hedy Lamarr, in a flick called Face Value. Lamarr was not only a screen siren but an accomplished scientist; she created a method of changing frequencies which is the key to modern wireless communication — which will be the subject of the film. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Dermot Mulroney will make his directorial debut, Keep It Together, a comedy/drama about "love and divorce." Christopher Walken and Blythe Danner in negotiations to join the cast! [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Scott Speedman is in Atom Egoyan's film Adoration as a tow truck driver: "The guy teaching me didn't realize I was an actor doing it for a movie. He yelled at me up and down. I didn't use a tow double, even though I'm sure they had one at the ready." [USA Today]
• Every anniversary, Tori Spelling's husband slips a new diamond ring on her finger and this year it is a white diamond and a yellow diamond and blah blah blah being rich is awesome. [People]
• Trudie Styler, who co-founded the Rainforest Foundation, flew her hairstylist from New York to Washington, DC, last weekend on a private jet to do her hair and makeup for the White House Correspondents' Dinner. [Page Six]
• Mark Landon, eldest son of Michael Landon, has died at age 60. [Yahoo News via AP]
• The Simpsons stamp could become the nation's most popular stamp, knocking Elvis out of the top spot! [NY Post]
• Blind item! "Which buxom B-list pinup only helps out charities that ply her with cocaine?" [Gatecrasher]
• "How would you like being a young actor walking into a casting agent and the first thing they say is, 'Leave!' " — Liev Schreiber on NPR on the way people used to mispronounce his name. [Page Six]
• "As a mother, you have to read your kids a lot of these books, so it's fun to get involved in the process. I've had such a good time with this. This book is about becoming self aware and that realization in childhood. The title is my nickname, and I hated my nickname when I was seven years old. At that age, I tried to get rid of my freckles and I hated dodgeball - I still hate dodgeball." — Julianne Moore, at a reading of her second children's book, Freckleface Strawberry and the Dodgeball Bully. [WWD]
• "When David and I got to the first shoot we were both standing in our bathrobes, looking at each other and saying, 'Okay, who's going to drop their dressing gown first?' It can be a little intimidating standing half-naked in a studio full of strangers, so it's good to have the support of each other, reassuring and encouraging one another. David is always incredibly supportive of everything I do. I never used to go to the gym before working with Armani – but if you're going to be photographed in your bra and knickers you want to look as good as you can… I still work out every day. I drop the kids at school, and from the school I go to the gym and do the miles on the treadmill. I have worked hard, and if you are going to agree to be photographed in underwear you have to put the hours in, so when you turn up on the day and take off your robe you feel confident that you can do the job. As a 35-year-old mother of three, I'm looking okay." — Victoria Beckham. [The Sun]

• Chris Brown's lawyers are arguing that Rihanna shouldn't have to testify in court because her name and other information was leaked. They say she shouldn't be forced to compromise her privacy any further. [TMZ]

• A friend of Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer says, "They're definitely broken up, but it was completely amicable. I know everyone is looking for the big juicy fight, but there was none." That's never stopped the tabloids before! [E!]
• California Attorney General Jerry Brown says three people were part of the conspiracy to feed Anna Nicole Smith's addiction, but Howard K. Stern was the "principal enabler." He says Stern was "the one that brought the drugs in many cases to Anna Nicole Smith." He added, "this was done knowingly and this was done with tragic consequences." [People]
• A source claims that Britney Spears is not dating Jason Trawick. "They are absolutely, 100 percent not dating," says the source. "He is her agent, and that is it." [Us]
• In this video Hugh Jackman speaks Japanese and flails about on a Japanese game show. Then a dude grabs his crotch. [ONTD]
• Nadya Suleman hasn't moved into her new house yet, but it's already been TP'd. [TMZ]
• Kylie Minougue is bringing her Spanish model boyfriend Andres Velencoso home to Australia to meet her parents. [News.com.au]
• Leighton Meester is the frontrunner to star in Beastly, a modern retelling of Beauty and the Beast. [E!]
• Garry Marshall contacted Robin Williams' people following his aortic valve replacement surgery earlier this month. He says of Williams' condition, "I hear very good reports." [People]
• In this video Larry Flynt makes the bold claim that he's slept with more women than Hugh Hefner. [TMZ]
• Elizabeth Taylor's granddaughter Naomi Wilding and her husband are expecting a baby, which will be Taylor's fifth great-grandchild. Taylor's friend says the news has given her a new purpose. "To Elizabeth life is all about friends and family and she's terribly excited about meeting the new baby due fairly soon," he says. [The Daily Express]
• Pete Doherty almost quit his band Babyshambles because a fan gave him a wedgie while he was crowd surfing. Pete says: "I hid in the tour bus crying. When they (my bandmates) found me I was crying my eyes out, going, 'The band's not working out. We should split up.' Nobody believed what was wrong, and eventually I snapped, 'All right, I got a wedgie, OK?'" [The Daily Express]
• The New York Times has posted pictures of things Judd Apatow has in his office. The writer was shocked to not see "a single bong, beer keg or passed-out partygoer." [NY Times]
• Here's the trailer for Jennifer Aniston's new movie Management. It starts with her telling a guy he can touch her butt and goes downhill from there. [Video Gum]
• Penelope Cruz is in talks to star in Venuto al Mondo, which is directed by Sergio Castellitto, the Italian director who gave her her first break in Don't Move. [Variety]
• Chris Cornell is responding to Trent Reznor insulting him on Twitter, writing back, "What do you think Jesus would twitter. ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone' or ‘Has anyone seen Judas? He was here a minute ago.' " [Rolling Stone]
• Jessica Simpson is speaking out about Rihanna and Chris Brown. She said at a concert in Phoenix last night: "No matter what you go through in life, no matter what abuse you go through, take your heart and run so far away." [E!]
• Tom Jones said his wife of 52 years told him she's OK with women throwing their panties at him "as long as you come home to me, as long as you don't go running off with somebody." [Yahoo]
• Marley Shelton, who stars on the CBS series Eleventh Hour is expecting her first child with her husband. [People]
• Marko Jaric, the basketball star who just married supermodel Adriana Lima, is under investigation for sexually assaulting a woman in Philadelphia. [TMZ]
• In this video Ricky Gervais makes fun of celebrities who say they have depression or who promote themselves by talking about their addictions. [The Independent]
• Katherine Heigl's character Dr. Izzie Stevens revealed she's dying of cancer on last night's Grey's Anatomy. One of her interns on the show estimated she has a 5% survival rate, and coincidentally Heigl has a 5% chance of staying on the show. [Us]
• Jaime Kennedy has confirmed that he's dating Jennifer Love Hewitt. [RyanSeacrest.com]
• The Pixies will play their first live performance in four years at the Isle of Wight music festival this summer. [Reuters]
• Korn bassist Fieldy has released a book, Got the Life: My Journey of Addiction, Faith, Recovery and Korn which includes letters he wrote to each band member apologizing for his past bad behavior. [Yahoo]
• Hundreds of fans showed up to see Shane MacGowan of the Pogues play at a bar in Scotland, but the bar said the show was cancelled at the last minute. But MacGowan's reps say he was never booked to play there in the first place. [The Daily Express]
• Olympic gold medalist Shawn Johnson says of being on Dancing With the Stars, "It's scary. The waltz was a challenge because of having to be romantic and stuff but now the salsa is even harder. I've never shaken my hips before. It's hard to let myself go." [People]
• Matthew Broderick is preparing to do the Broadway play The Philanthropist and says he's glad it's only running until July. "I used to do long runs, but after six months it's a struggle. You're repeating yourself... you go on autopilot and nobody pays attention to what they're saying anymore. You screw up, then everybody wakes up for the next two weeks," says Broderick. "A Broadway show's exhausting in its relentlessness. No more normal dinner hour. You disappear from friends. I'm starting to get set for it." [The Daily Express]
• Roseanne Barr is blogging about Chris Brown and Rihanna. She says: "Rihanna is violent too and that is one of the reasons why she is back with chris brown. She thinks she has him right where she wants him now. His career is over, and he is working her to help him get it back. She thinks that since he needs her and has shown some contrition, that she can call the shots now. Violent people are control freaks, and she thinks she is in control right now. Violent couples also have passionate make up sex, and that keeps a lot of battered and beaten women hooked ..." [Roseanne World]
• Carol Burnett is a wedding crasher! Friday Night Lights actor Zach Gilford is co-starring with her in a new movie. He says: "Carol Burnett's just so goofy and funny, telling these anecdotes about crashing weddings! Because no one would question her, they'd be like, "Oh, that's Carol Burnett! That's so exciting that Carol Burnett is here." Then they'd get a free drink, and take pictures. Then just leave. She did it for year or something, she and her friend, a few years back. She'd be like, "Oh, you know, I'm a friend of a distant aunt on the husband's side." Hilarious. It got to the point where a photographer friend of hers would come and take pictures of the wedding just to make it seem more official. She's just such a goof who loves to do things because it's fun and ridiculous." [Jossip]

Carrie Underwood & Ace (Rat Terrier)

Josh Groban & Sweeney (Wheaten Terrier)

Diane Lane & Milo (Rescued dog)

Piper Perabo & Rickson (The caption says that she doesn't even own a pet. This is her manager's dog.)

Amanda Bynes & Charlie (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel)

Perez Hilton & Teddy (Goldendoodle)

Jon Hamm, Jennifer Westfeldt & Cora (Rescued dog)

Serena Williams, Jackie, Bambi, & Laurelei

• Many have expressed doubts about Jennifer Figge's 24-day swim across the Atlantic ocean. As several internet commenters have pointed out, in order for Figge to have crossed the Atlantic in such a short time, she would have needed to swim more than 80 miles a day. • For the third year in a row, a 26-year-old Canadian woman has taken to the streets of Toronto to offer free hugs. • An 8-year-old British girl with a dentist phobia recently starved to death. After undergoing traumatic dental surgery, Sophie Waller refused to open her mouth to speak or eat. • Mattel has created a new Barbie doll based on German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Mattel says they hope that the doll (which is "flattering" to Merkel) will be an inspiration for young girls. • Just in time for Valentines Day: for the low price of £29.95 you can purchase Sex Panther cologne, first seen in the movie Anchorman. Sex Panther works every time 60% of the time, so you really can't go wrong! • Recent high school graduate Katherine Evens is fighting back against charges of cyberbullying. Evens was suspended for cyberbullying two months after publishing a Facebook rant about her teacher, which invited other students to share their complaints. She is now suing her school to have the suspension removed from her record. • A new study shows that women who drink two or more cans of soda per day are almost twice as likely to develop kidney disease. Fortunately, diet soda did not appear to carry the same risks. • The World Boxing Council has reversed their approval of Kazumi Izaki's title shot due to health concerns. At 45, Izaki is Japan's oldest female boxer, and if she had been allowed to fight for the belt, she could have been the oldest world champion. • Farmers in Britain are abandoning cauliflower due to decreased demand, opting to grow broccoli instead. However, cauliflower-lovers are fighting back with an ad campaign designed to increase public awareness of the benefits of the pale brassica. • The first woman to receive a face transplant in the U.S. has been discharged from the hospital. The woman, whose name remains unknown, is only the fourth person in the world to undergo this surgery. • An Indevus Pharmaceuticals gel designed to protect women from contracting HIV/AIDS has been shown to be effective up to 30% of the time. • Researchers have identified neurochemical mechanisms which they believe may be the underlying cause for feelings of depression and increased anxiety that arise in men when they are separated from their female partners. • There is a fascinating profile in the Telegraph of Ruth Dee (not her real name), who suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (also known as Multiple Personality Disorder). Dee describes her traumatic childhood and the many personalities that sprung up as her way of coping with abuse. • A new study shows that our "gut instincts" may be more effective than we think. Researchers found that when making decisions, we sometimes access memories that we are unaware of having formed. • Eluana Englaro, the 38-year-old woman at the center of Italy's right-to-die debate, passed away today, much to the relief of her family and friends. •

• Is Ashley Olsen getting married? The National Enquirer thinks so. It'll happen on the French Riviera next summer; she wants Karl Lagerfeld to make the dress and Annie Leibovitz to take the pix. Oh, the hubs-to-be is boyfriend Justin Bartha. [Daily Express]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the NYC marathon! His time? 3 hours and 50 minutes, faster than he anticipated. "It was an incredible experience," he says. He was asked how he'd celebrate and claimed: "I'll probably celebrate by eating my own body weight in raw dough." [People]
• Heh, things were "frosty" between Tina Fey and John McCain on Saturday Night Live. [MSNBC]
• A "crazed" Madonna fan stormed on to the set of Guy Ritchie's new movie and threatened to kill him. The teenager had a knife and was shouting, "I love Madonna." He was arrested, though if he were cast in Guy Ritchie's movie, that would be believable. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids went trick-or-treating in Malibu on Friday. Maddox was a Marine; Zahara was a Jolly Green Giant; Shiloh was a sheriff. Need pix!!! [Star Magazine]

• Ooh, check out Angelina's eyes on the cover of British Harper's Bazaar. [ONTD]
• The head of rap label Def Jam died Saturday: Shakir Stewart, who succeeded Jay-Z as VP in June, committed suicide. [Reuters]
• Daniel Craig talks about his arm: "I tore my shoulder when we were making Casino Royale and it started to ache during Quantum Of Solace. I went to see a surgeon and had reconstructive surgery - I had six pins put in. So now I can't really move my arm and it's a little painful, but I'm having physio every day, and it's healing well." [Daily Mail]
• Lindsay Lohan will have her deposition videotaped in Samantha Ronson's ongoing lawsuit against her former attorney. She has a lot of conditions, though, and wants the transcripts to be destroyed when the case is over. [E!]
• Lindsay was supposed to host the World Music Awards in Monaco next weekend, but she's been replaced by, um, Denise Richards. Downgrade! [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell and girlfriend Terri Seymour: Dunzo. She ended it after 6 years. Want to guess who doesn't believe in marriage? [Newser.com]
• After Terri broke up with him, Simon allegedly said "Thank God! " [Daily Mail]
• Terri wanted kids, Simon did not. [Mirror]
• Simon also says: "You know, the most incredible thing I’ve seen on TV for absolutely ages was the Sarah Palin/Joe Biden debate. I watched it for an hour and there wasn’t one second I wasn’t completely riveted. I would love to bring the concept of the American presidential debate to Britain. I know I could engage the audience, get people involved." [Daily Mail]
• Peaches Geldof walked out of a London store with an item of clothing draped over her arm and didn't pay for it. A shopkeeper ran out and confronted Peaches, who said it was an accident. Apparently this is the fourth time she's walked out of a store without paying for clothes, although it seems like she always has a good excuse. [Mirror]
• Joaquin Phoenix, who is retiring from acting, might be back on drugs: He was "out of it" at a tribute to Paul Newman last week in San Francisco. Grief-stricken, maybe? [Page Six]
• Peaches' husband's band has a new single, "She Loves Everybody," about a controlling, insecure girl who craves affection. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse has gained weight and is trying to stop smoking. She's still hooked on sugar, however. [Mirror]
• Oh, wait, Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital. It seems to be related to the chest infection she had last week. Or her emphysema. [People]
• A New Zealand TV journalist is being investigated and might lose her job after a "trainwreck" interview with Pink; it seems the woman's sister used to be Pink's assistant and the reporter ambushed the pop star with questions about why she'd fired her sister. [News.com.au]
• More weird New Zealand news: A pizza chain used a Halloween ad which featured skeletal animations of the Queen Mother, Sir Edmund Hillary and Heath Ledger dancing on gravestones. The company has apologized. [Times of London]
• In case you couldn't already guess, Tyra is endorsing Barack Obama. [Yahoo News]
• Usher is taking a year off from music to travel the world and find "inspiration." Good luck! [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson's BFF, stylist Ken Paves, had his face bloodied during a paparazzi crush outside of an L.A. restaurant. There were so many cameras swarming that some guy accidentally hit Ken near his eye with a camera. Jess and Ken made it to the car, and went directly to the hospital. [TMZ]
• Bruno, aka Sacha Baron Cohen, crashed a rally banning gay marriage in California. [Yahoo New]
• There was a memorial for Jennifer Hudson's family members, including nephew Julian King, on Sunday. His second-grade teacher read from journals written by his classmates. [AP]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is renewing her vows in Egypt, but Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham doesn't plan to attend. Snubby spice? [The Sun]
• It appears to be really and truly on between Criss Angel and Holly Madison. If you have a strong stomach, gaze upon this image of them kissing. [TMZ]
• Mindy McCready is out of jail. [E!]
• Here's a video in which Senator John McCain meets Anna Nicole Smith, one of her "biggest fans." [Politico]
• Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio have Oscar buzz for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Revolutionary Road, but Oscar voters tend to like it when actors play real people. [Reuters]
• Nigella Lawson once made her kids give their Christmas gifts to charity. "I wanted them to think about how lucky they are," she explains. Hmm, could work, could make them harbor resentment. [The Sun]
• Bon Jovi's being sued for £250,000 after one of the rock group's entourage allegedly deliberately ran over a woman with a golf cart at a concert. [Telegraph]
• Viggo Mortensen is in a film adaptation of a play about about an ordinary man in 1930s Germany being slowly co-opted by the Nazis. He says the story has relevance today; "You don't need to be some kind of bookworm or political activist; little and big decisions that individuals make in society on a daily basis are what any country is." [LA Times]
• LL Cool J has been inducted into the Long Island, NY Music Hall Of Fame. Didn't know there was such a thing, but, congrats? [UPI]
• Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones have made a very important election-related video you simply must watch. [Funny Or Die]
• Is Sienna Miller's relationship with Balthazar Getty fizzling out? [Mirror, Daily Mail]
• In an op-ed about paparazzi and papers vs. celebrities — especially Sienna Miller, who's gone to court seeking damages for a "campaign of harassment" by photographers, this writer states: "We have no right to invade people's privacy, but we do have a time honoured journalistic tradition of doing so that I would hate to see disappear." [Independent]
• Kylie Minogue would love to be an actress: "I’d love to do a comedy." [The Sun]
• It's weird to think about Dakota Fanning as 14-year-old sophomore and varsity cheerleader in real life, but that is what she is. [USA Today]
• Elle UK asked Kelly Osbourne to be part of a photography portfolio celebrating friendship and love; she decided to do it with her boyfriend. "My boyfriend is my best friend," she says. "We always go shopping together, we like going to music festivals and we chat on the phone a thousand times a day." [Elle UK]
• Haven't heard about these two in a while, but Nelly says he and Ashanti are "serious." They've been on and off since 2003. [People]
• Here's a piece about how stars change shape for films. A former Royal Marine who has worked on the last five James Bond films, has also been training with Jake Gyllenhaal for Prince Of Persia. He says: "Most actors are athletes nowadays. Their fitness is a big factor in whether they get cast or not. Jake has to look like a warrior capable of sword-fighting, not like he's been hitting the gym. He is working out twice, sometimes three times a day, six days a week, for three to four months on top of stunt rehearsals before filming begins." Ready to go back to bed? [Times of London]
• Did Paris Hilton steal Benji Madden from Sophie Monk? This was 8 months ago, if you care. [News.com.au]
• Johnny Carson's former lawyer is calling the Tonight Show host a sad, depressed man who cheated on his wives and was tormented by his mother. Tears of a clown? [Page Six]
• Whoa: Mickey Rourke once planned to kill a man and then commit suicide, because the guy had raped a woman he knew. [The Sun]
• The Pet Shop Boys will be presented with an outstanding contribution to music award at next year's Brit Awards, which means Simon Cowell won't get it. What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this? [BBC News, Mirror]
• The Communist Party of St. Petersburg must not have much to do, because they're pissed at "Bond girl" Olga Kurylenko for "sleeping with the West." [UPI]
• Jean-Claude Van Damme canceled promotional appearances for a film because one of his dogs is in a coma. Tragic! [Page Six]
• "Kate Winslet is always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked. She's free. I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that" — Halle Berry in Elle. [Page Six]
• "I've kept in touch with William — he's really good looking. But I prefer Harry, he's more my type." — Paris Hilton on the Princes. [Mirrror]
• "I need you to make the best sub you have ever made because it's for Snoop Dogg," A "handler" to a Subway employee in Australia. [News.com.au]
• "I've always been a slow starter. My first date was with a girl called Cessi. We had a beautiful relationship over the phone all summer and then when we met I couldn't look her in the eye." — Leonardo DiCaprio. [Guardian]
• "I don't know if seniors like me at all. I think they're a little sick of me. I think they say, 'Get off! We just want to rest.' I thought I was wonderful. Then I saw a replay. I couldn't believe I was just one, two, three, turn. I didn't have the spunk I thought I had." — Cloris Leachman, on her final Dancing With The Stars performance. [Newsweek]
• "Owen Wilson is so divine in this film. I've never seen him play a part like this. He was a man; he was a husband; he was a father. And I feel like, how brave of him, to walk through the year that he walked through." — Jennifer Aniston on her Marley And Me costar. [LA Times]
• "It's a different part of my life. I try and look back on it with fondness but when I'm reminded of it I'm really embarrassed… Honestly, I really hoped my daughter wouldn't see it, otherwise she'd never listen to a thing I say again. I thought I was the coolest guy in the world but really I was just a jackass." — Mark Wahlberg on his "Marky Mark" music career. [Telegraph]
• "If someone starts talking to me negatively about something they've never actually studied that actual text of, I don't really admire them very much because it shows they don't have much integrity, so I just kind of ignore them. I'm not going to listen to gossip and hearsay about something that's affected my life so tremendously in such a tremendously positive way. It's a new religion. Historically every new religion has been [dismissed]. People were hanged, fed to the lions for their beliefs so this is just a modern day evolution of what happens when something new comes into our culture. It is not fully understood yet. I've seen drug addicts completely rehabilitated, I've seen the illiterate become literate, I've seen people that were so depressed and hopeless completely rehabilitate their goals in life, become happier, find partners. It's beautiful." — Jenna Elfman on Scientology. [Perez Hilton]
• "Every other guy I've been out with has used me for money or sex — but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people… I loved this guy for three years but he betrayed me. Rick’s a scumbag and I hate him. It was just the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me. So humiliating and embarrassing. But at the end of the day, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve found someone who loves me for me. Benji’s my best friend and I know he’d never hurt me." — Paris Hilton. [News Of The World]
• "To go on about acting as art is ridiculous. You don’t have to be gifted just to hit a mark and a line. As far as I’m concerned, that’s 90 per cent of the job. Anyone who finds acting difficult just shouldn’t be doing it." — Kurt Russell. [Daily Express]
• "I'm thinking, 'If this guy (Jesus) can die for mankind, the least I can do is quit smoking. I really felt an epiphany was happening. I even thought I saw a light around me. Four hours later, I bought a packet of Marlboro Reds. Who am I kidding? I need a cigarette." — Gerard Butler, on his religious experience at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, Israel. [ONTD]
• "I shaved my back just in case. I went fully bare, like a two year old. I was ready. I didn't want to be too real for the world. I don't think the world is too ready for a hairy back in a love scene. Has there ever been a sex scene with Robin Williams? People don't want to see that. That would border on bestiality." — Seth Rogen, on preparing himself for Zack And Miri Make A Porno. [Daily Express]

OK!
"How I Got My Body Back!" A Britney exclusive. With new photos. How to lose 12 pounds in 30 days. There are "exclusive" shots of Brit on a treadmill and sitting on a horse. Here's how to lose weight: Don't eat sugar, including fruit, and only eat 1200 calories a day. Have grilled chicken breast with raw organic broccoli for lunch.
Grade: F- (nails on a chalkboard)

Life & Style
"Living Separate Lives." Actually, the whole story is on the cover: "Six days together, 15 days apart, Tom's in LA, Katie's in New York. Tense and tired, they're desperate to make it work!" Also inside: Rare photographs of Scarlett Johansson kissing fiancé Ryan Reynolds! (Fig 1.) Next: Britney has been sober for 201 days, can you believe it? It was January 3 when she was taken to the hospital in tears. How things have changed! Moving on: Joel Madden invited Mary-Kate Olsen back to his tour bus to show her pictures of Harlow. Then Joel told Nicole Richie about it on the phone and she freaked out. Lastly: A random quote from Calum Best re: Lindsay Lohan: "I hope I didn't turn her gay."
Grade: D (microphone feedback)


Us
"Tears, Joy & Scandal." Intern Margaret says that the info about Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin in this mag is only the "untold story" if you haven't been watching the Olympics on NBC. Plus! This story was written before the gymnastics ended (last night) so it's obviously not the full story. Moving on: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer: "The Split Gets Nasty." Intern Margaret thinks Jennifer Aniston wrote this article. A "confidant" says: "This is not high school, but for some reason, John seems to think the whole world should know who ended the relationship." Another source says Jen dumped John because she thought he was tipping off the paparazzi to their location. Apparently things weren't totally dunzo until John made that long-ass video statement to the press. Now, a source says, "Consider the door slammed. Jennifer needs some time to herself. When she's ready, she needs to find a mature man, ready for a grown-up relationship." Noted. Us also points out that OK! repeatedly misled readers about Jen's love life (Fig. 2). Did you know that Lindsay Lohan is obsessed with Facebook? Next! Sharon Stone is dating a man half her age: She is 50, he is 25. Joel Madden was seen hanging out with Mary-Kate Olsen, whom he finds "amusing." Lastly: Verne Troyer is getting his own reality show. "It's about being a dwarf in Hollywood," he says. Imagine that!
Grade: D+ (dentist drill)


In Touch
"Brad Storms Out." Intern Margaret and I were sure that we had seen this cover before, but we could not find it. (We did find "Brad Walks Away", also on In Touch.) This time, they're fighting because Angelina's nerves are shattered and she might have post-partum depression. Brad goes out drinking and she yells at him when he comes home late smelling like smoke. She made him sleep in another bedroom. But! The day after their "fight" they were seen at a restaurant in the South of France holding hands through dinner and being very affectionate. So. Next: The Jennifer Aniston post-breakup status: "She wasn't hurt at all. She feels fine." Also, "Mohawks run in the family" for Joel and Harlow Madden (Fig. 3). Britney went to see Robin Thicke at the House of Blues in Hollywood and Justin was there with Jessica Biel! Britney wanted to get his attention but Justin never turned around, so they left without ever seeing each other, sigh. Okay, so The Hills castmates are fighting over money. Lauren Conrad gets $75,000 per episode, which comes to $1.4 million for the entire season, but she says, "I couldn't even tell you how much my friends make." Lastly: Jamie Lynn Spears has either "walked out" of her relationship with Casey Aldridge or just gone to her mom's house to visit.
Grade: C- (shrieking children)


Star
"Jen Turns To Brad." See, Jen was upset about her breakup with John Mayer, so she called Brad's mom, with whom she has maintained a friendship. Brad's mom was at Brad and Angie's chateau in France. Brad happened to walk into the room and his mom handed him the phone, so he ended up comforting Jen in her time of need. A source says,"He told her that John's probably not the right guy for her, he suggested that she stop trying so hard to meet someone before she turns 40. He told her there is no deadline, that she is a beautiful, wonderful person and the right guy is out there." At the end of the call, Brad said, "Of course we're still friends, call if you need me." Angelina was happy Brad was there for Jen and she's okay with them being friends. Hahaha! Moving on: Jamie Lynn, Runaway Bride! After hearing that Casey was cheating on her, JLS has decided to move to L.A. with baby Maddie. Britney's encouraging it! One of Casey's friends told the mag: "Casey's the kind of guy who will come to your party, drink all your beer, hit on your girlfriend and bounce." Eric "Dr. McSteamy" Dane and Rebecca Gayheart: Marriage on the rocks! She's checked into Chateau Marmont. Blind item! "Which actress is mulling over getting a nose job after another minor surgery went so well? Sources say she plans to get her schnoz fixed and is already shopping for docs in NYC." Next: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz went to the doctor and found out she's gained more weight than is considered healthy. She freaked out and bought six pairs of size zero jeans as weight-loss motivation. She's pregnant, btw. Here's a great caption on a picture of Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "Lindsay fell for Sam's protective nature, telling friends, 'She's the father I never had.'" Brad and Angelina sent blushing brides Ellen and Portia a present and an arrangement of white orchids and roses in a crystal vase — with one yellow rose, symbolizing friendship. Close friend Ryan Seacrest missed the ceremony but made the reception. Lastly, and random: While Ryan Cabrera was with Ashlee Simpson, he was banging Audrina Patridge! He was cheating on both of them. It was all over by the summer of 2006.
Grade: C (creaky door)


Fig. 1

Fig. 2

Fig. 3

I like to think that [my time at Jezebel] is a natural extension of my time [in college], where I spent my time trying to have something to say about the way in which language registers trauma, the way in which Virginia Woolf posited an imagined apocalypse, the way in which James Joyce's Molly Bloom was able to engage in time travel through remembering kisses. Fashion, like literature, like language, is about interpreting a narrative. And being a fashion blogger is about finding what's interesting and what's substantive about this medium, and being unafraid to occasionally remark, "Sorry, but I think this is bullshit." (Which is a statement frequently incurred when presented with...anything, like a bad novel, without a point of view.)...

[T]he really helpful thing, I think, that I got out of my education in the humanities was an awareness of restrictions and liberations afforded by subjectivity. All day long, I write about what I think is "good" and "bad" in regards to that most heinous of phrases, "personal style." But what I'm always trying to remind my readers is that these are just my opinions. I don't really know any more than they do about these things. I just know what I like and what I don't like, and they should be unafraid to have opinions about how they dress themselves too. The unusual thing about covering fashion for a blog as opposed to a print publication is that my readers interact with me in real time. The moment I post something, they're off commenting. In a five minute window I will be told by people I don't [personally] know...that I should quite my job, move to L.A. and become a celebrity stylist, stealing the reigns from Rachel Zoe, and then hear from someone else that I have the worst taste of anyone "ever" and that I should never leave my house. Occasionally, this leaves me amused; frequently this leaves me paranoid.

The internet is still the renegade medium of the publishing world, and oddly even more so of the fashion world, a community that, of all things, prides itself in being more forward thinking, inventive, and creative than the rest of the poor mortals inhabiting the earth. I suspect that part of the resistance is that fashion community has longed thrived on its insular nature, the fact that only the so-called elite who work in it are privy to its ups and downs and changes. The Internet is all about accessibility, which, in my opinion, is what the fashion industry should be about, too. Fashion is fun; It's silly and a little frivolous, sure, but it is also about self-expression and one of the most direct and palpable manifestations of the culture and politics of our age. It's impossible to not see a connection between current events and the way in which 'lady-ism' and prim and proper hyper-feminine silhouettes emerged on the runways following September 11th, showing a desire, perhaps, for older, more conservative and debatably safer times. For Spring 2008 Marc Jacobs...took these dainty lady looks and shredded them to pieces, doing granny suits in sheer fabrics, or with entire panels cut out of the sides and backs. The shoes he showed hand an inverted heel: Though many critics hated the style Jacobs showed, I admired it. To me, it was one of the most vocal cries against conforming to the current political agenda - this desire for the costuming of "safety' and nostalgia - I have seen to date. Getting dressed might not be rocking the vote, exactly, but fashion is a form of art and powerful tool for messages of revolution and rebellion.

Victoria Beckham, however, is not. But the most-trafficked article I ever wrote was, in fact, titled "Victoria Motherfucking Beckham Is Here." It was the liveblog I did from my little Blackberry chronicling each and every second of the Project Runway finale this season...but I really am a great admirer of Ms. Beckham's. She is probably the most influential face in fashion right now which is hilarious because all she ever did, really, was be the worst singer in a cheesy manufactured pop girl group, marry a soccer star, and spend lots and lots of money on clothes. But I think the way she has been championed by the big name fashion magazines and the tabloids alike is, in a perverse way, a good sign for where things are going in the fashion community. Beckham is, really, a sort of everywoman: She is an average girl who made her something into something "important," if you will, essentially though dress. To me, she represents how things ought to be: Any of us can be something more, or at least different, through how we choose to present ourselves through our wardrobe. And Beckham gets this: She knows she's just a front and I respect that, because, really, that's all that fashion is, too. It is only representation.

I also think I have the world's best "people" (my "actual" family and those who are like family to me), all of whom allow me to love what I do because they are a part of my life. (If you are reading this and nodding, you are one of those people, btw.) In particular, I have to thank Matt, who always asked for/feared a post about himself; my parents, who put up with all my mishegas; and Jason, the world's wisest younger brother, who can accomplish anything he sets out to do.

Jen: tracie - don't you think heidi sorta has jaslene's voice?
Jessica: wow, he's supposed to be a designer with that shirt?
Dodai: this guy is jay 2.0
Jen: no he is vincent 2.0
Dodai: MISSHAPES HAIR
Tracie: homer simpson said that only two types of people wear hawaiin shirts "gay men and party animals"
Dodai: that guy is both

Jen: uh oh - carmen is a model?
Dodai: her skin!!!!
Jen: she looks like she is going to get beat up, this young one who works for ralph
shit her name is pistol
Jessica: Pistol?
Tracie: kit is last year's Alison
Jen: i loved alison and i think i hate kit already
Jessica: i hated all the girls who would go to college and change their name, tell people it was sadie or nico or some shit
Dodai: STRAIGHT GUY??? with gay facial hair
Tracie: omg! ew! scary puppets
Dodai: my point is that guy may be straight but his facial hair is not
a 39 year old man named marion is also not straight
Tracie: wait, how old is sweet p?
Jen: $10 says sweet p is the next wendy pepper
Jessica: 42! i think
Dodai: i bet sweet p reads bust magazine
Jen: what's with her erin fetherston hair? and schizo tattoos?
Tracie: i don't want to grow up to be sweet p i will not shop at delias when i'm in my 40s

Dodai: I'd like to call and end to sweeping keychains on jeans, thank you
Tracie: so how many dudes are straight?
Dodai: it's only been 6 minutes and they're already drinking
Jessica: so far i'd count one

Dodai: GEMINIS that equals CRAZZY
Dodai: ok the hat
Tracie: that guy went from gay career to gay career
Jen: in the words of elaine stritch in sondheim's "company": doesn anyone still wear a hat?
Tracie: the art school boy with the glasses looks like a lesbian
http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com/
Dodai: first challenge!!!! haha TENTS

Jen: how..ironic?
Dodai: ugh this is a cop out ANYONE CAN MAKE A DRESS OUT OF FABRIC
Tracie: omg, big fat party animal was just clutching his chest
Jen: ew grass stains my ass
Dodai: grass stain? fucking hippies.
Tracie: i bet she smells like patchouli

— FIRST COMMERCIAL BREAK —

Dodai: i can't remember anyone's name
Jessica: me neither
Dodai: except sweet p
Tracie: i remember sweet p hahaha jinx
Jen: do you think tim worries about becoming a cariacature of himself? like, how he jsut said make it work?
Dodai: he knows what the people want
Jessica: he's a fashion monkey dance tim, dance!
Dodai: the hat gay
Jessica: hat gay!
Dodai: RAMI IS HOT
Jennifer: guys, elisa is so this season's angela
Dodai: UGH ELISA IS THE HIPPIE
Tracie: I'm sorta into elisa
Jessica: she's not nearly as bad as angela
Jen: we don't know that yet
Jessica: angela just had those retarded fleurchons. elisa actually seems like she's doing something different

Tracie: she will probably start a compost heap in the apt.
Jen: i am worried that elisa is going to stab herself with a needle, sewing onto herself Jessica: former model has kelis hair
Jen: i don't think jack is so hot. i would take rami over jack even though they're all gay
Dodai: you know what color i don't like? GRAY YawN that dress is nice though. christian's looks like a suicidal librarian
Jessica: simone is hot
Jen: i agree. she is the alison
Dodai: where are the grass stains on elisa's dress?

Jen: i like that tim just took the piss out of elisa's dress
Tracie: yeah, what happened to the grass stains
Jen: and is tim wearing jeans????? i thought that tim doesn't believe in jeans????
Dodai: that dress looks like it is three hours after the mermaid parade
Jen: elisa dares to question tim???. she is a FOOLi like how she is all about deconstruction or whatever and she has such an overstyled haircut

— SECOND COMMERCIAL BREAK —

Jessica; Ah he's doing his lesbian hair!
Tracie: I have that orange and hite comforter cover in the gay party animal's rom
Jen: Does Elisa have a Madonna Detroit-Brit accent?
Dodai: How is Simone's dress taking so long when it's so simple?
Jen: Guys is it weird that watching this I miss people from seasons past?
Jessica: Was Tim's hair always this poufy?

Dodai: Where is the Lezebel model?
Jen: Her name is Marie! She has NAME!
Dodai: OMG the hippie is PISSING ME OFF
Tracie: Hand measure?
Jen: No hand measuring is fairly common
Jessica: She needs to make sure the model has good chi.
Dodai: Seriously though, she was feeling up that model.
Jessica: Maybe she's a Lezebel too.
Dodai: Ricky ricky ricky, that HAT
Jen: That blonde model is FUG
Jen: shocker: elisa's dress doesn't work. God I can't wait to see Nina take a big juicy bite out of Elisa's soul.
Tracie: I hope we get to see her model fall.
Dodai: "I think there's some hand sewn crap up in here". That was Misshapes.
Jessica: He's establishing himself as the bitchy gay.
Dodai: I am so excited for bitchy panel!
Jessica: I think Nina Garcia has a case of the cuntface.

— THIRD COMMERCIAL BREAK —

Jessica; Whoa, Sweet P. With the bra. An the halter top. Looks like Natasha Lyonne in Slums of Beverly Hills.
Jen: KORS!!!
Dodai: Hurry and do the runway show!!
Jessica: I'm bored too.
Tracie: I love the way she says "Nina Garcia". Neeeeena Garseeeea.
Jen: Monique Lhuillier sorta looks like a trophy wife.
Dodai: Monique designed Britney's wedding dress y'all!
Tracie: And Pink's dress.
Jessica: Oh she's carrying it so she doesn't kill herself.
Dodai: Did you see the way Elisa wrinkled her nose?
Jen: Fat guy's dress is awful. What intelligence?
Jessica: Kevin's is worse.
Dodai: I like that dress!
Tracie: That model is a Heather Asperger knock-off.
Dodai: TOTALS
Jessica: Sweet P's is cute but not flattering.
Tracie: Of course Sweet P made a baby doll dress. I'm surprised she didn't accessorize with baby clips and a lunch box.
Dodai: Simone's dress, as I said, is SNOOZEVILLE
Jen: Simone's dress made the model's butt look big.
Jessica: Whoa, 80s prom!
Jen: I love that orange dress.
Dodai: I like eating disorder's dress!
Jen: HAHAHA LOOK AT MARIAN THE LIBRARIAN!
Tracie: Rami's is really nice.
Jessica: That dress looks like a broke down flapper.
Dodai: Rami kicks ass you guys
Jen: Rami is the frontrunner by far.
Tracie: J. Lo would wear Rami's dress.
Dodai: Ricky: NO MORE HATS RICKY!!!
Jen: Ricky's dress looks like Forever 21.
Dodai: Wait who is Jack? I never even saw him
Jessica: He's the male model.
Jen: Jack has AIDS I think. I THINK.
Dodai: That model looks like a tranny.
Tracie: That model looks like Laura from last year.

Jessica: What's up with all the sideburns?
Tracie: Ew, Pistol.
Jen: Marie!
Dodai: Carmen has what they call a "vision"

Jen: I hate that they call her Sweet P. call her by her god given name.
Tracie: I know, way to indulge her
Dodai: Heidi said Sweet P and I spit on my keyboard I laughed so hard.

Jen: Haha Heidi hates it. But she's a follower. She didn't like it and now she does cause Nina and Michael do.
Jessica; OMG Simone's model is so not cute.
Dodai: Simone is totes going home.And that shit is riCOCKulous.
Jen: Is Rami's model, kinda, in the words of Tim Gunn, zaftig?
Tracie: Hahaha.
Dodai: We should drink everytime someone says "new and modern".

Jessica: Heidi kinda has man hands.
Dodai: Poor Ricky, I know there are going to be tears.
Jen: I am waiting for my favorite Nina-ism: "aesthetically unpleasing"
Jessica: We should have a crying count for Ricky.

Jessica: I don't like Victorya's dress.

Jessica: Haiku of a cut!
Dodai: Haiku of a cut! WTF
Jen: I am speechless.
Dodai: Nina I'm confused
Tracie: Haiku of a cut!
Jen: Nina is going to cut her.
Dodai: GO HOME HIPPIE.
Jen: "You had me at hello!"
Dodai: Some of my best friends are hippies.

Dodai: Ok, cue the tears on Ricky.
Tracie: Grass stains on fabric; patchouli scented nap time; means your dress will suck. That was a haiku, you guys.
Jen: That was amazing, Tracie.

Jessica: Simone is so going home.
Tracie: hahahaa pooing fabric.
Jessica: That would be so painful.
Tracie: I love that Michael Kores loves a poop joke.
Jen: Michael Kors sorta IS a poo joke.
Dodai: This really is the greatest show on earth.
Tracie: I think that fabric would be less painful than some of the stool I've passed in my day.
Jen: Oh, cry me a river. I have CROHNS.

— FOURTH COMMERCIAL BREAK —

Dodai: RAMI RULES
Jessica: Oh we called Rami FTW
Jen: Rami wins!
Dodai: Israeli army takes no prisoners
Jessica; The lesbian misshape is so peeved
Dodai: Oooh, ricky stays.
Jessica: Yay Ricky is in!
Dodai: Bye bye Simone.
Jen: Is Elisa crying? I think I see tears.
Dodai: Hippies don't cry, they become one with the rain
Tracie: Damn we're good.
Jessica: For reals
Dodai: We really are.
Jen: We called all that shit.
Tracie: Elisa must have excellent karma.
Jessica: The editors need to do a better job of tricking us.

Jessica; God, being the first person to get kicked off sucks. No one recognizes you in the supermarket.
Jen: Look at Tim's limp wrist.

Dodai: Next week, Ricky cries.

Jennifer Lopez: Yes, She's Pregnant! [Us Weekly]