Vote In The Official Jezebel Shittiest Celebrity News Of The Week Poll

So many awful, devastating, terrible things happened this past week. I read all of your comments, reacting to the stories, and my heart broke with you. I watched you shed your tears, all because this week brought a trio of tragedies to world of entertainment news reporting. » 11/03/13 3:53pm 11/03/13 3:53pm

Neil Patrick Harris Would Like The Emmys To Be Way Less Depressing

On Watch What Happens Live, aka the Algonquin Round Table on LSD, Neil Patrick Harris offered an apology for showcasing all that pesky death that ruined your enjoyment of America's Fourth Most Important Awards Show, aka the Emmys: » 11/02/13 11:30am 11/02/13 11:30am

There is a Rom Com Coming Out Called Jewtopia

Yes this is a trailer for a real movie and no, we have no idea why a man pretending to be Jewish to get a girl is interesting but that's apparently the premise of the movie Jewtopia, coming out this week in very limited release. Ivan Sergei plays Christian O’Connell, a man who wants to marry a Jewish "Because I never… » 9/17/13 2:20pm 9/17/13 2:20pm

Of Course Lindsay Lohan's Being Accused of Partying All Night

Bleh. Seven days out of Cliffside, where Lindsay Lohan served her 90 days of court-ordered rehab, she has allegedly been spotted partying with her friend-and-occasional-hookup Max George and sister Ali in Los Angeles. The party went all night, and a "source" (a pigeon? That disgusting oil heir Brandon "Firecrotch" Davis? » 8/09/13 9:00am 8/09/13 9:00am

Oh Wow, Gwyneth Paltrow Sometimes Eats Things Besides Lawn

As you probably know, Gwyneth Paltrow and Shrek have many things in common, one of which is that they were both in Shakespeare in Love. Another is that they are both like onions. A layer of Gwynnie was peeled away when she revealed to British Cosmopolitan that she has occasionally imbibed things that the rest of us… » 7/06/13 11:30am 7/06/13 11:30am

Kate Middleton's Birth Announcement Will Be Revealed via Royal Easel

The first post-birth update about Kate Middleton and Prince William's Royal Spawn will be delivered via easel to Buckingham Palace, according to The Telegraph: "The first indication that the Duchess has given birth will come when an aide leaves the hospital carrying a piece of paper with details of the baby’s sex,… » 6/20/13 9:00am 6/20/13 9:00am

Kanye Accused of Cheating on Kim With Rando Canadian 'Model'

As the birth of the Kimyeby draws nigh, a 24-year-old Canadian model told the Star — truly the hallmark of upstanding journalism — that Kanye West cheated on Kim Kardashian with her after explaining that they were just together "for publicity and nothing serious." Says Leyla Ghobadi: "This is going to destroy the… » 6/12/13 9:00am 6/12/13 9:00am

This Week in Tabloids: Khal James Franco to Wed Daenerys Targaryen

Welcome back to Midweek Madness. Every Wednesday, Kristine Gutierrez heads to the newsstand and picks up hot-off-the-presses issues of Ok!, Us, In Touch, Star, and Life & Style, then we flip through the pages of the tabloids, hoping our gossip dreams have come true. This week, Leonardo DiCaprio attempts to break a… » 6/05/13 3:20pm 6/05/13 3:20pm

Ughhh, Will Kate Winslet's Baby Have the Last Name Rocknroll?

GUYS, Titanic was on the Hallmark Channel a while ago, and now I am thinking that perhaps this was the magic eve* that Kate Winslet became pregnant with her first child from her third marriage to Ned Rocknroll, the gadabout nephew of Richard Branson. Her two older children, 12 and 9 respectively, are from her marriages … » 6/05/13 9:00am 6/05/13 9:00am

Zoe Saldana Totally Fine With Her Weight Being on the Cover of Allure

So here's a thing! Zoe Saldana's Allure cover prints her weight like she's a slab of nova at the Zabar's fish counter. The dek under her name reads: "115 pounds of grit and heartache." (The rest of the dek: "—117.6 pounds after quinoa lunch; 114 pounds after bikram yoga, 0.00 pounds in space" — was cut for design… » 5/16/13 9:00am 5/16/13 9:00am

OMG, Justin Bieber Got the World's Ugliest Tattoo of Selena Gomez

Though it is technically possible that this is just an extremely terrible drawing of a miscellaneous dark-haired angel wearing a suspiciously familiar mega-cleave gown, IT IS TOTALLY SELENA GOMEZ, YOU GUYS. And now it resides permanently on Justin Bieber's miniature forearm where it smudgily judges all the earthbound… » 4/25/13 9:10pm 4/25/13 9:10pm

Janet Jackson Quit Showbiz and Converted To Islam, I Guess

As Janet Jackson herself predicted in 2001: Maybe we'll meet at a bar / He'll drive a funky car / Maybe he'll be a Qatari-born retail billionaire / And I'll convert to Islam. Sure enough, rumor has it that Jackson has retired from show business for good and adopted the religion of her husband Wissam al-Mana, who she… » 4/20/13 11:30am 4/20/13 11:30am

Jennifer Aniston Panicky That Brangelina's Wedding Will Upstage Hers

Although Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Justin Theroux, Jennifer Aniston, Chandler Bing and that duck called a truce at some point, as Brangelina's and Jenreaux's (?) marriages draw nearer, threatening to even land sort of around the same time, some obvious problems become apparent. » 3/11/13 9:00am 3/11/13 9:00am

While little choreographed…

Hilaria Thomas, Alec Baldwin's Wife, Sued For 'Emotionally Upsetting'…

Alec Baldwin's yoga instructor wife Hilaria Baldwin née Thomas, who's been teaching at Manhattan's Yoga Vida since 2005, is being sued by a 32-year-old Yale Ph.D. candidate and HuffPo blogger named Spencer Wolfe, who cites an overcrowded class, her' "negligence" and her request that students "perform a dangerous activity… » 2/16/13 11:30am 2/16/13 11:30am

Elizabeth Taylor Had a Threesome With JFK and Another Dude in a Pool

In the age of designer drugs and Twitter and cell phone pictures of celebrities grinding with each other to music composed almost entirely of beeps, there's something classy about an old-school Hollywood scandal. Even Lindsay Lohan's sordid exploits can't match those of Elizabeth Taylor, whom Lohan depicts in the… » 10/11/12 9:00am 10/11/12 9:00am