Earlier: Oprah's Favorite Things 2007: The Audience Freaks Out!

Ok!
"I'll Love Him Forever." This article, titled "Our Love Story," is about how Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are "like an old married couple." Why? Because they would drive to the set of Eclipse together, and, when headed home, one would wait for the other to get out of wardrobe and makeup. Oh, and Rob is like a "human magnet" for Kristen. They love each other, etc. BREAKING: Heels are not rain boots, Suri Cruise! (See image 7) Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom are "prepping for parenthood" by getting a dog. Lindsay Lohan has been partying all night every night in the last few days. The source here is a paparazzo who follows LL. He says: "After 4, 5, 6 in the morning, she's really crazy. She screams and yells and says very mean things, even though she knows us very well." Maybe she doesn't want to be followed at 5 am? Anyway, another "friend" says Lindsay refuses to go to rehab: "We ask, we beg, but she won't listen."
Grade: F (headlice)

Us
"Her Secret Deal."
Katie Holmes is sad and lonely because she's "committed herself" to a seven-year contract and Tom tells her what to wear, how to cut her hair and when to work out. "He even told her to be pale like Nicole [Kidman]," says a source. Meanwhile, Suri is 3 going on 30 with her heels and San Pelligrino and so on. As for Katie, the mag says her "situation" will "not improve until November 2013," when her contract is up. Moving on: Recently at a West Hollywood nightclub, Lindsay Lohan shouted at two photographers: "Why don't you go find my dad? He's the one who wants the pictures." Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale are stalking the stork; a source says: "Gwen has told friends she's trying for another baby." In Rob and Kristen news, they ordered the same thing for room service breakfast recently — and had it delivered to one room, which means, OMG, he slept over. A hotel staffer adds, "They were already dressed when room service was delivered." You can practically feel the magazine's disappointment! In case you're unsure of the milestones in the "Robsten" relationship, Us has provided a handy timeline (See image 8). Jon Gosselin is threatening to have a showdown on Thanksgiving because Kate Gosselin plans to invite her bodyguard, Steve Neild. A source says Jon's jealous: "Even though he knows it's over with Kate, he still can't stand the thought of her being with another man, especially Steve." Another source says Kate's constantly on the phone with Steve, "smiling like a teenager" and "I haven't heard her yell in two weeks." Lastly, Jennifer Aniston and two friends flew via private jet to the One & Only Palmilla resort in Cabo San Lucas. "On Aniston's agenda? Morning yoga sessions, lying by the pool, and being waited on hand and foot."
Grade: F (peeling scalp)

Life & Style
"Tears, Joy, And Drama At The Baby Shower."
While the magazine does not flat-out claim that it sponsored Kourtney Kardashian's baby shower, the guests drank from soda bottles decorated with with Kourtney's Life & Style cover (See image 9). And the magazine says: "Life & Style and Simmons jewelry company gave Kourtney a limited edition Hello Kitty necklace made from white gold, enamel and diamonds." Price? $950. There were 84 guests at the party, and they got chocolate Louboutin shoes and swag bags — it was a publicity event, not a baby shower. Each sister gave an exclusive interview to the magazine, which is where the "drama" comes in — Khloe and Kim used to hate Kourtney's baby daddy Scott Disick, because he was accused of cheating on Kourtney, but now they like him, because "he's done small things" like putting the crib together. And he got a job. With QuickTrim. For which the Kardashians are spokesmodels. Moving on: Michael Lohan is trashing Jon Gosselin and the way he treated Kate Major: "You sleep with a woman, you gain her confidence by saying you're going to hire her, then you use her like that?I spoke to Stephanie Santoro, and it was the same thing." Here are three ways Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are copying Angelina and Brad: First they denied they were in a relationship; then they get people used to the idea of them as a couple with an intimate photo shoot in a fashion magazine; then they GRADUALLY show PDA (see image 10). Also inside: Michael Lohan says: "I will not release another audio tape about Lindsay. I did it because I wanted Lindsay to know how I felt when I heard that tape. When I get a phone call at 2, 3, 4, 5 in the morning from my daughter and she's in dire straits, I get very concerned." Lastly: Michael Jackson's funeral cost $1,146,518.62, and the mag itemizes that receipt for you (See image 11).
Grade: D- (clumps of hair falling out)

In Touch
"Yes! They'll Reunite!"
Re: The cover image: Do you love how they are Photoshopped together, with her arm disappearing into his chest? The cover copy reads: "Jen waits for Brad at the resort they love." But inside, what they mean is: She went to a hotel in Mexico she'd been to with Brad and "waited" for him to text her. "After a few glasses of wine on November 13, his pal reveals that Jen ducked away from her group of friends and exchanged a series of text messages with Brad that crossed the line from friendly to downright flirtatious." Oh, and you know how two tell-all books about Brangelina are coming out? Angelina's "tarnished" image is driving Brad away, and he thinks she's brought this on herself because of her addiction to attention. The copy reads: "Brad isn't worried about how the books will affect Angelina, but how they might hurt their children." A source says: "Maddox is old enough to Google his mom now, and Brad is afraid he'll get hurt." Jen's friend says: "Brad seems haggard. All Jen wants to to when she sees him is give him a big hug and tell him he'll be fine." Oh, and Brad and Jen have reconnected over Norman, Jen's sick dog — who used to be Brad's dog, too. Also inside: Geena Davis may have put on 50 lbs. Jennifer Garner may have lost 35 lbs. Britney Spears is in a "race to the altar." She's expecting Jason Trawick to propose over Christmas, and she wants to get married in the summer of 2010. Wait, is that a race? She wants bridesmaids, a gown and a four-tiered cake — a traditional wedding. (What, no pimps and hos sweatsuits?) "Britney wants to tie the knot ASAP to insure that Jason won't leave her again." She also wants her dad's conservatorship to end. Oh, and her dad wants her to start on another album after her tour, while Jason wants her to take a break — and he thinks her family is using her. Next: When Sarah Palin was on Oprah's show, things backstage were "tense." Did Nicole Kidman have a boob job? (See image 12) BREAKING: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson were spotted getting off of a plane in Paris and HOLDING HANDS. "She grinned from ear to ear and snuggled into him happily," a source says. "They're obviously a couple and definitely in love." During their European trip, they booked separate rooms, but she ordered breakfast and coffee for two the day after they arrived. Lastly: a 41-year-old man named Matthew Roberts was adopted as a baby and found his birth mom in 1997, and she told him he was conceived when she was raped during a drug-fueled orgy involving Charles Manson and four other men. Why this story is here we have no idea, but the guy does look like Manson. (See image 13)
Grade: D- (matted hair)

Star
"Katie's $15 Million Tell All."
Since her contract expires on November 18 (TODAY), Katie is "prepared to pen an explosive and embarrassing exposé" of her life behind closed doors. She COULD get $15 million for her confessions. Like: They have separate bedrooms, and she says it's because Tom snores loudly, but Katie has hinted that they've never slept the whole night together. Tom likes it when Katie wears sexy lingerie, and Tom likes to "parade around the house in military uniforms," similar to the ones he wore in Top Gun, A Few Good Men and Valkyrie. "It makes him feel handsome," according to a source. Tom spends hours each day in front of the mirror, checking out his wrinkles and love handles. He also waxes his chest regularly and gets colonics. Tom lets Suri do whatever she wants and has already had to replace mahogany paneling twice in six months, because he lets her draw pictures on the walls. And! "Katie may also decide to go public about Tom's secret Scientology mobile unit. It's a black American-made van that looks like a regular vehicle on the outside, but inside it's fitted with high tech gadgets, monitors and computer equipment worth of a spy flick." A source says Tom spends a ton of time in the van: "It's how he keeps in touch with Scientologists all over the world. It's padded on the inside, so that no one can hear anything on the outside. Not too many people get to see the inside of this thing." Moving on: Did Kim Kardashian get a nose job? (See image 14). Rihanna is a "carbo-loader" who insists on fast-food feasts. And just so you know, Lady Gaga requests a hot, whole roast chicken in her tour rider. Precious star Gabby Sidibe is featured in a piece called "She's Got Style" and the copy reads, "she's a pro when it comes to turning heads." Seriously, there is not ONE crack about her weight from the magazine which does "Best & Worst Beach Bodies" regularly. (See image 15). Drew Barrymore has kicked Justin Long out of her apartment because he's a slob and started acting like a Frat boy, leaving his stuff all over the place. Someone told Jennifer Aniston that her ex, Adam Duritz, was on his way to a party — with his new ladyfriend, Emmy Rossum — so Jen "bolted out the back door." Bruce Willis took his wife Emma Heming to dinner and the owner of the restaurant mistook her for one of his daughters. Blind item! "Which actor plays a loving dad and hubby on TV, but likes to play the field in real life? While his wife cares for their kid, he hits NYC hot spots, trying to pick up young chicks." Khloe Kardashian was spotted picking up half a dozen pregnancy tests at Rite- Aid. In Brad & Angie news, they visited a museum, and the story goes, "They were so inspired by the beauty all around them that they babbled about their future family plans." Angie said: "I have a mosaic in my house. I have ancient cultures, and we celebrate everything. This year, we're doing Christmas, Kwanzaa and even Hanukkah." When asked if she was going to have one more kid, Angie said "I'm always thinking about it. I would love to." Brad said: "You never know." Fantasia Barrino's fans are upset because she is dating a married father of two who left his wife and kids to move in with her. He used to work in a T-mobile store and now Fantasia has his name tattooed on her chest. Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake went to a Jay-Z show and guess who came out to sing "Run This Town"? Rihanna. Seeing her was "like a knife" in Jessica's heart, but Justin danced and sang along. "Jessica stood there like a fool… trying not to cry." The New Moon promotional tour took Rob to Japan and Kristen to South America, and when they were apart, Rob realized he couldn't live without Kristen. So then there's some stuff in here for the Twihards: When Rob and Kristen stayed in that hotel in Paris, he arranged for the staff to place dozens of roses around the room — there were flower petals covering the floor and bed and lit candles everywhere when she walked in. The two are planning to get married once all the Twilight craze dies down. Which is never. They might elope in London. Finally: "Wow, Jen's New Bikini Body" is about how in Mexico, Ms. Aniston's belly was slightly rounder and she ate everything she wanted: "Could she be getting ready to be a mom?" A source says Jen's been hooking up with John Mayer — and they haven't always been careful. The "pal" reminds us: "Just because she's single doesn't mean she can't get pregnant!"
Grade: D+ (dandruff)

From Ok!

From Us

From Life & Style

From Life & Style

From Life & Style

From In Touch

From In Touch

From Star

From Star

ART IS TEARING THEM APART!!111!: "Angelina is always all, 'I like art,'" says a source who owns every season of Friends on DVD. "It totally bums Brad out. You'll notice that he's pulling away from her. That's because she stinks of art appreciation! And also because he never stopped loving Jen."


YIPES, STRIPES: BRAD CAN'T STOP MISSING JEN: "The stripes in this picture reminded Brad of Jen's highlights circa 2001," says some guy who watched a Brad Pitt movie once, "He misses having a mate who understands the importance of matching hair. Gwyneth and Jen were happy to go along with it, but Angelina refuses to grow a beard. It's no wonder he's about to leave her and whisk Jen away to the salon to relive old times."


JEN'S BROKEN HEART IS ANGIE'S FAVORITE ART: "This painting represents the inside of Jen's heart after Brad and Angelina destroyed it," says Sally Fever, who once watched Life Or Something Like It and really didn't like it very much. "I hear that Angelina is going to buy it and have it made into a dress, so she can wear it at every movie premiere just to shove it in Jen's face. True story."


BABY NUMBER 8 HAS ANGIE FEELING GREAT: "This painting turned into a baby two minutes after this picture was taken," says 11-year-old Alice Beans, "and then Angelina adopted it, named it Screwujen and sent its first dirty diaper to Jennifer Aniston in the mail. I don't even know who these people are but my Aunt Kathy swears it's true."


BRANGELINA'S DAY OFF: "Brad's a big Ferris Bueller fan," claims my dog, who is currently asleep on the couch. "He thought it would be fun to reenact the art museum scene. Naturally this means he's leaving Angelina for his ex-wife."


SOURCE OF ANGIE'S POWER: REVEALED!!!: "This is the picture Angelina performs witchcraft to when she's ready to steal someone's husband away," says fake Dr. Albert Quack, "as you can see, the picture represents a great divide, which symbolized Angelina's ability to separate loving couples like Brad and Jen. It also represents a powerful vagina, and I don't think I need to explain how that fits in here. Or do I? I'd rather not, to be honest with you."


Feel free to come up with your own headlines in the comments!

[All Images Via Getty.]

• A source claims that Lindsay Lohan "stormed out of" Brittany Gastineau's birthday party in tears after her ex-girlfriend, Courtenay Semel confronted her at the party and tried to talk her into going to rehab. [PageSix]

• "Everyone was trying to keep [Lohan and Semel] apart, especially since Courtenay is recently out of rehab and has pleaded with Lindsay to do the same," says a source, "Everything was fine for a while, and Lindsay seemed happy, but then there was a confrontation when she came out of the bathroom, and she ran out in tears. Everyone fears she's on some kind of self-destructive collision course." [PageSix]
• Meanwhile, Lindsay also reportedly has a crush on Leonardo DiCaprio. "Lindsay has a major crush on Leo but that's as far as it goes right now. She knows him, they are friends but that's it. Lindsay is ready to be more then friends with Leo but he doesn't see her that way." [ShowbizSpy]
• According to Ian Halperin, author of Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie , it was Angelina Jolie who came up with the storyline that Jennifer Aniston put her career ahead of having a family with Brad Pitt, as she "was convinced that this is the story that would resonate with all these women who saw her as a man-stealing bitch." [USWeekly]
• Katie Holmes looks very tired and like she wants you to get out of her way when she goes out to get coffee. Celebrities! And so on and so forth. [DailyMail]
• Daniel Radcliffe's rep claims that Harry Potter doesn't smoke pot, regardless of what the tabloids are saying: "Daniel does smoke the occasional roll-up cigarette, but he was not doing anything more than this." 420 points from Gryffindor! [PageSix]
• Kevin Spacey says that living in London has given him "a whole new perspective, not only on America, but on the world itself." He also says he's "starting to dress a little more formally, too, wearing British designer suits - which would have made my mother very proud." [DailyMail]
• Leona Lewis has turned down a $1 million offer to pose for Playboy. [TheSun]
• Liam Gallagher says that the remaining members of Oasis will carry on as a new band after Noel Gallagher's departure. "We're sort of doing things at the moment," he says, "Not Oasis, Oasis is done. Everyone except for Noel." [Reuters]
• Alanis Morrissette says she struggled with anorexia and bulimia as a teenager, and that being in recovery has helped her strengthen several aspects of her life: ""I'm really clear about what my life mission is now. There's no more depression or lethargy, and I feel like I've returned to the athlete I once was. I'm integrating all the parts of me — jock, musician, writer, poet, philosopher — and becoming stronger as a result." [CNN]
• Leading porn company Vivid Entertainment has "legally obtained" a copy of Carrie Prejean's "solo sex tape" and wants her to sign off before they distribute it. Yeah, right. She is so not doing this. Though in fairness, I Am Doing This would probably make a good title for the tape, no? [TMZ]
• Emmy Rossum was not amused when a DJ tried to compare her relationship with Adam Duritz to that of Rose McGowan and Marilyn Manson. [DailyExpress]
• "I used to repeat with many of the actors and actresses I've worked with, because it's a like an investment. If you find someone that you understand very well and they get you, it saves time and it also gives you more security. [With Penélope], I'm willing to push her as far as possible. I know her versatility, and am interested by the idea of working with her in 10 years when she's 45 and it's an entirely different character."-Pedro Almodovar, on working with Penelope Cruz. [WSJ]
• Joey Lawrence and his wife are expecting their second daughter in April. If you feel the need to celebrate, I suggest watching this. [People]
• Oprah apologized to Robin Givens on her show yesterday for a show she'd taped with Mike Tyson, wherein Oprah's audience laughed after Tyson noted he wanted to "sock" Givens after an interview she gave Barbara Walters about their abusive relationship. "I would say to you and every woman, who has ever been hit, I feel that I did not handle that as well as I should have and I feel that I could have gone further and should have said more to clarify that what he was doing and what he was saying was wrong," Oprah said, "So I apologize to you and I apologize to every woman who has ever been in that situation." [DailyExpress]
• Kiefer Sutherland would like you to know that he has not reconciled with his ex-wife, Kelly Winn, though they have "have remained good friends since they separated in 1999." 
[People]
• A source claims that Alex Rodriguezis thinking of proposing to Kate Hudson: "He's been talking about proposing quite a bit lately. He wants to think of a creative and cute way to pop the question." [ShowbizSpy]
• The man accused of trying to extort money from Cindy Crawford and her husband, Rande Gerber by threatening to publish a "provocative photo" of the couple's daughter is also being accused of repeatedly beating and raping his ex-wife. [NYDN]
• Stephenie Meyer says that Robert Pattinson resembles the Edward Cullen she always imagined: "There's something unusual. There are moments where he looks exactly like he did in my head." [E!]
• "If I could choose any role other than mine I would not mind playing Bella. That girl is facing some issues and it would be fun to get inside her mind for a day."-Taylor Lautner [ShowbizSpy]
• "I just want to say though, that if people have a problem with designers or magazines using too thin models, they should just stop buying the designers' clothes or the magazines. Don't buy them and then complain about it and feel bad about yourself! Use your power. Magazines will change if no one's buying them, believe me."-Cindy Crawford [TimesOnline]
• "Everyone in my family knows that I try to eat healthy and I'm trying to cut back on sugar. So I look at the dessert table at my mother's house and quietly grumble. But then, sure enough, there's always the one thing that is the kryptonite of my dessert life. So I shove the spoon in and eat the chocolate-pudding cake. Mom wins, and the whole crowd has a good laugh."-Alec Baldwin, Team Cake. [Parade]

It's actually all the way down to #84 in America now, but when I was growing up in the eighties and nineties, Jennifer was everywhere. One commenter on The Baby Name Wizard says, "When you are a 'Jennifer' you will always be known by your first and last name, never just 'Jennifer'" — and indeed, I knew a lot of girls who were doomed to go through school as Jennifer L., Jennifer K., or Jennifer W. Perhaps it's inevitable that a name so common would pick up a girl-next-door vibe, and to me Jennifer immediately conjures up the image of a neat ponytail and a nonthreatening expression. Jennifer's pretty, but she isn't beautiful — and she certainly isn't slutty. She's nice, and she has good friends — she might be the kind of girl with two really close besties, but they're no mean-girl triumvirate. Jennifer will lend you an extra pencil if you need one, but she won't give you her kidney. She's not a Beth, after all. The best thing about being a Jennifer is that no one has anything bad to say about you. The worst thing is that they might get you mixed up with all the other girls who have your name.

Celebrity Jennifers fit the Jennifer stereotype to a T — and maybe they've helped define it. Diva J.Lo is something of an outlier, and Jennifer Connelly seems kind of icy, but smiley Jennifer Garner looks just like the kind of Jennifer G. who got picked a solid third in gym class seven years in a row. And would Jennifer Aniston be the all-American girl to Angelina Jolie's dangerous temptress if her name were, say, Isabel? I think not. Of course, perhaps Aniston's pleasant face and the lengths to which her publicists have gone to make her seem "relateable" have contributed to the image of a Jennifer as a comfortable, average girl — even if she was once married to Brad Pitt.

A common name does have its advantages. As I write this post, I've been thinking back to all the Jennifers I've known — giggly Jennifers, no-nonsense Jennifers, hilarious Jennifers, downright scary Jennifers, and of course a large assortment of Jennys, Jens, and Jenns. Everybody knows a Jennifer, so everybody probably has an opinion of what Jennifers are like — and some of these opinions are bound to be interesting. Having a vanilla name also gives you the opportunity for under-the-radar coolness. Mike Doughty has a pretty great song called "27 Jennifers" that goes, in part,

I went to school with 27 Jennifers,
16 Jenns, 10 Jennies, and then there was her.

When you share your name with 26 other people, you've got a shot at being her, the one who stands out from all the rest and makes an everyday name into something new and weird and awesome. Having a name that's cast from a common mold can be pretty cool, if you're the one to break it.

Jennifer [Wikipedia]
Jennifer [Baby Name Wizard]

Earlier: I Is For Isabel, Who's Snooty, But Earns It
H Is For Hillary, A Barrel Of Laughs
G Is For Grace - What's That Up Her Sleeve?
F Is For Francesca, And I Wish I Were Her
E Is For Emily, Who Seems Sweet (At First)
D Is For Danielle (Or Dani, Who's Apparently Kinda Judgey)
C Is For Courtney, Who's Too Cool For School
B is for Beth (And Barack! And Bandana!)
A Is For Anna: What My First Name Says About Me

Life & Style
"I Lost 82 Lbs!"
Everyone loves a weight loss story… Except for us. Six pages of Biggest Loser info — including an "old diet" versus "new diet" chart and the obligatory grilled chicken over salad photo. Moving on: "More Heels For Suri" is self-explanatory (See image 7). "Wow! How Did They Do That?" is a baby weight feature in which pregnancy weights are compared to post-pregnancy weights. All weights were estimated from photos by a doctor who does not treat the stars. Obviously. Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler had a "hot and flirty date"! The lead image looks like a shot of the happy couple, but it's actually two pictures cleverly pasted together. (See image 8; we added arrows pointing to the seam.) A source says Jess and Gerard had chemistry, but she ended up going home with her hairdresser. Someone else says: "He's horny, but there's nothing really going on between them." Next: Brad Pitt had a motorcycle mishap and told some guy that Angie was going to kill him, because she thinks motorcycles are too dangerous. (But didn't she buy him the bike?) Psychotherapist Jenn Berman, who does not treat Brad, says: "I don't think it's a good idea for a father to risk his safety." Lastly: Ashlee Simpson's character has been written out of Melrose Place and she is "devastated." And! Losing her salary is not good for the Simpson-Wentzes.
Grade: F (broken filling)

OK!
"Split!"
Robert Pattinson showed up 45 minutes late to the Eclipse wrap party, and when he left, he was wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. The mag writes: "The reason? He was hiding his broken heart." A "friend" of the couple's says he was talking marriage but Kristen Stewart wasn't ready. Apparently Kristen filmed some steamy love scenes with Taylor Lautner, and keeps talking about how he's getting "bigger and bigger and bigger." A source says "she couldn't stop noticing his bod. His hot bod." Anyways, Rob and Kristen are on a break, but it doesn't mean things are over. The break, interestingly enough, coincides with the hiatus between Twilight movies. (Robert doesn't want to go to LA with Kristen because he's scared of earthquakes.) Next: Bradley Cooper told Renée Zellweger he wants to slow down before anyone's feelings get hurt. The mag calls out Star for printing that Mary-Kate got engaged and also refutes Life & Style's claim that Angelina Joie has a fear of hugging. Check out the "exhaustive research" by their "Investigative Team" (See image 9). Jennifer Aniston is "one step closer to being a mom" because she visited an orphanage in Tijuana, where she made the kids spaghetti for dinner. She's also house-hunting in Mexico. Lastly: There's a two-page feature on Abigail Spencer, who plays Suzanne Farrell — aka Don Draper's mistress — on Mad Men.
Grade: D- (poppy seed stuck in teeth)

In Touch
"Running Back To Jen."
Brad got into a motorcycle accident, but the real news is that he was on his way to a "top secret meeting" with Jennifer Aniston. In other words: Brad was trying to get to Jen and away from Angie so fast, he had an accident! According to sources, Angelina is "not liking" the independent streak that Brad has been showing lately, and Brad realizes that leaving Jen for Angie was "hotheaded and dumb." A "pal" says: "They had a whirlwind affair and he was following Angelina around like a love sick puppy for a while." But now? "He sees her for nasty, calculating person that she is, and he wants to leave. It's terrible, because he feels trapped." Next there are disturbing photos of RHONJTeresa Giudice's new baby wearing feathers and leopard print. (See image 10). Ashlee Simpson "cried in her dressing room" after getting the boot from Melrose Place, poor thing. Jon Gosselin has agreed to star in a "cheesy" new reality show in which he dates Nadya Suleman. It will be called Jon - Kate = Jon+ Octomom. BREAKING: "Katie Holmes returns to her sad life in Boston with Tom Cruise." BREAKING: Susan Boyle is younger than Madonna. (See image 11). Lastly, Matthew McConaughey's kid is just a tiny version of Matthew McConaughey. (See image 12).
Grade: D (pineapple string stuck in teeth)

Us
"This Time I'm Sure."
The guy from The Bachelor proposed to Meilssa Rycroft, then broke it off and got with the Molly from the show, and is now engaged to Molly. Or something. We didn't read the story. Moving on: An Melrose Place insider says they hired Ashlee because they needed a good name for "buzz," but she was embarrassingly bad. Another source says: "She's the worst actress, but nobody will tell her." The spread called "Tinseltown Transformations" is the best thing we have ever seen and proves that everyone you suspect had a nose job (coughTyracough) actually did. The ones you're not sure about are the ones with really good surgeons. (See images 13 and 14 ). Madonna gives Jesus expensive presents when she regrets being nasty to him. She bosses him around, feels guilty later, then buys him stuff like hand-tailored silk shirts. Ryan Gosling is still pining for Rachel McAdams. A friend says Ryan considered Rachel the love of his life and hasn't had eyes for anyone else since their breakup. Taylor Swift invited Taylor Lautner to the set of a commercial she was filming and a source says "they were definitely acting like a couple." Next is the amazing chart which proves that Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston are "on the same path." They like Mexican food! They have great hair! (See image 15). Kate Hudson and A-Rod are planning their life together, and A-Rod is "less of a jerk" now that he's with Kate. Apparently the sex is good and Kate "gets graphic" talking about A-Rod's body — "even to her parents." In Jackson kids news, a source says all the guys in the family (Joe; the Jackson brothers) look at them with dollar signs in their eyes — while the women (Katherine, the Jackson sisters) are protecting them.
Grade: D+ (popcorn husk stuck in teeth)

Star
"Tom & Katie: The End"
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' third wedding anniversary is coming up — November 18 — which means they can "renegotiate their marriage contract"! When they got hitched, Tom had a 100-page document drawn up, spelling out everything from Katie's clothing allowance to a cash bonus for having babies. She wants: A bigger clothing allowance; for Tom to find a movie for her to star in; and another Broadway show. She got a $3 million "gift" when she had Suri, and every year Tom increases the additional offspring prize offer as an incentive for Katie to get pregnant. This year he's prepared to bump it up to $5 million! Tom wants Katie to get pregnant NOW and every week he reminds her that she is 30 and her biological clock is ticking away. Her dad's a lawyer, so she talks to him about the contract and is holding off on the baby while the deal is being made. If Tom and Katie don't work out the contract, they could split and fight over Suri — plus, Katie could "spill some of Tom's dark secrets." Next: New Line Cinema is supposedly casting a Jon and Kate movie, and would like Cameron Diaz for Kate and Johnny Depp for Jon. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel were photographed together recently, and Rihanna got a ton of calls asking if she'd seen the pictures. She "flipped," because she's really into Justin. When she emailed him and asked him what was going on, he said he was trying to work things out with Jess. Now Rihanna feels that she got played. Kate Hudson answered A-Rod's cellphone, and when he complained, she threw the phone in the toilet. Blind item! "Which divorcée hasn't had a date with a man in months, because she digs the ladies? The housewife introduced her girl as 'a friend,' but now that things are over, she's on the prowl for a new gal to keep her company." This is weird: "Rachel Bilson wears the pants" in her relationship because she and Hayden Christensen went out to dinner and she ordered his meal, picked up the bill, and, "when they left, Rachel even drove!" Brad and Angie's English bulldog, Jack, destroyed a $500,000 Marcel Dzama painting. Jenny Craig spokeswoman Queen Latifah had breakfast in Beverly Hills and ordered a latte, three muffins, a slice of chocolate cake and a cinnamon roll to go. A source says: "She had a guilty look on her face." Maddox has been pushing his parents to get married, so in late September, Brad and Angie had a ceremony at their house, and it was officiated by Maddox. He assigned roles for everyone: Shiloh was the "ring bear"; Zahara was the flower girl, and Pax was the best man. Viv and Knox watched and giggled. Angelina wore a white dress; Brad wore a suit; Maddox wore camouflage; Pax wore a soccer jersey; Shiloh had her sword; Zahara wore a dress and tiara. Moving along: Kristen Stewart did not show up to the Eclipse wrap party and Robert Pattinson only stayed for 45 minutes before leaving alone. Sources say they had a fight on October 15 because Rob told Kristen that he was going back to the UK on their hiatus and wouldn't have time for her. Noah Cyrus, 9, wore a "racy getup" to a fundraiser last weekend. (See image 16). Jen, Jess and Cam are in the center of the "Hollywood Love Swap," surrounded by a constellation of guys (See image 17). Is Heather Locklear to blame for Ashlee Simpson getting fired from Melrose Place? Sources say Heather wanted her gone so it could be her show. Lastly, Miranda Kerr and Jamie King are "skin and bones." The mag writes of Kerr: "Although she refuses to reveal her true weight, Dr. Fisher believes Miranda weighs about 110 lbs." Does this mean a reporter actually called her publicist and asked for Miranda Kerr's weight?!?! Dr. Fisher, who has not treated Miranda, is the author of The Park Avenue Diet. Obviously.
Grade: C- (spinach stuck in teeth)

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• Jennifer Aniston has agreed to do a weekly talk show for Oprah's new cable channel, OWN. A source says:

"She is doing this for one reason only; she absolutely wants to do it.." [NY Post]

• Madonna has arrived in Malawi to visit the girls school she is building there; a groundbreaking ceremony takes place today. [AP]
• "Lindsay Lohan has a new addiction." Shopping! Specifically: Shoes. [Gatecrasher]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's lawyers will be in court today regarding the money missing from their joint bank account. [People]
• On November 19, Rihanna will perform in a very special location: On the Oasis of the Seas, the world's largest cruise ship, operated by Royal Caribbean. Wonder if she'll sing, "Love… Exciting and new... come aboard… We're expecting you…" [USA Today]
• Courtney Love has moved to New York because her home in Malibu has been the target of raids by people claiming to be LAPD. She says: "I tried to be charming. But one of the guys points a gun at me. My daughter, Frances, ran and hid under the house." And! "My biggest problem is that I'm Courtney Love." [NY Daily News]
• Lady Gaga's dad had heart surgery on Thursday, and she's been spending time at the hospital giving him footrubs and so on. She Tweeted: "He's my hero." [Daily Express]
• Lady Gaga is a sad little Harlequin in French Vogue. [The Life Files]
• Ivanka Trump married New York Observer publisher Jared Kushner over the weekend; pic at the link. [NY Post]
• Nick Prugo, the 18-year-old suspected of stealing from Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge, had his computer seized, and it shows Google searches like "can a stolen mac be traced" and "if i register a mac can it be tracked." In addition, the computer was full of searches for the addresses of a number of celebrities whose houses were burglarized and photographs of jewelry worn by those celebs. [TMZ]
• Nick Prugo's computer also had the address of Dr. 90210 (Dr. Rey), though his home was not broken into. [TMZ]
• A source says that Nick Prugo wore Paris Hilton's heels: "He could fit into her shoes… He put them on and got into a dance and said, 'Don't I look good?'" Also, the "ring leader" of this teen thief gang is Rachel Lee, 18; she's described as a kleptomaniac. [NY Post]
• Lawyers for Jennifer Lopez have sent a cease and desist letter to shut down production of a movie about her life with her first husband, waiter and model Ojani Noa. He's claiming How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J-lo and and Ojani Noa Story is a mockumentary and "100% parody." [The Wrap]
• Emily Blunt will wear custom John Galliano when she marries John Krasinski , in case you weren't already ridiculously jealous. [Gatecrasher]
• Sean Penn is in Cuba to interview Fidel Castro for Vanity Fair. No, really. [AFP]
• Recently divorced Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated have both changed their Facebook status back to married. [Telegraph]
• Morrissey collapsed on stage and was rushed to the hospital on Sunday; he's since been discharged. [Independent]
• Susan Boyle was at a soccer match on Thursday, waving a scarf over her head, and everyone saw that her pants were undone. [MSNBC Scoop]
• A song in True Blood sparked Stephen Moyer's marriage proposal to Anna Paquin. [People]
• Jackie Jackson saw his brother Michael Jackson's movie, This Is It. He says the film is "truly riveting" and: "We get a glimpse of a true genius at work." [TMZ]
• Here's a partial set list of the songs in the Michael Jackson movie. [NY Post]
• Seventy unreleased songs created by Michael Jackson after 2004 are up for grabs; Sony Music and Universal Music may bid against each other. [NY Post]
• The man who is accused of punching Leona Lewis in the face has been sanctioned under the Mental Health Act and is not fit to go to court. [The Sun]
• In the play After Miss Julie, Sienna Miller grabs the scrotum of Jonny Lee Miller. Or at least appears to. She reveals her acting secret at the link. She also admits that ex flings Jude Law and Daniel Craig — who are also on Broadway right now — have not yet come to see her play. [NY Daily News]
• By the by, Jude Law thinks it's okay to smoke in NYC bars. [Page Six]
• As for Samantha Burke, she sold baby pix and an interview about her fling with Jude Law to a Brit mag for about $300,000. [Gatecrasher]
• In this interview, Carrie Fisher touches on bipolar disorder, doing acid, Laurence Olivier, Cary Grant, and Agnes Of God. She also pulls out her iPhone and watches her audition tape for Star Wars. [The Daily Beast]
• Shauna Sand's sex tape should be out any day now, since a handwriting expert proved that she had, in fact, signed off on it. [TMZ]
• Interesting: Paul Haggis, the Oscar-winning writer-director whose credits include Crash, Million Dollar Baby and Letters From Iwo Jima, has left the Church of Scientology. In a letter, he writes that the Church's "public sponsorship of Proposition 8, a hate-filled legislation that succeeded in taking away the civil rights of gay and
  lesbian citizens of California – rights that were granted them by the
  Supreme Court of our state – shames us." [Showbiz 411]
• Patrick Swayze's widow, Lisa Niemi, will speak publicly for the first time tomorrow at a women's conference in Long Beach, CA on a panel on loss and grieving with Elizabeth Edwards and actress Susan St. James, both of whom lost children in accidents. [NY Post]
• A man named Robert George says Glee hates women. [NY Post]
• "Fatboy Slim was 'too drunk' to have a baby." [Daily Express]
• Nadya "Octomom" Suleman's Halloween costume is horrifying, but maybe not in the way you think. [NY Post]
• Andrew Lloyd Webber has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. His rep says he is "now undergoing treatment and expects to be fully back at work before the end of the year." [AP]
• James Gandolfini and Al Sharpton seem to be having a bromance. [Page Six]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jenna Elfman talks about how her second pregnancy is harder than her first. [E!]
• In a random online poll, Twilight's Edward Cullen has been named favorite vampire. [Mirror]
• A Run-DMC musical on Broadway? It's tricky. [Gatecrasher]
• "[I was] freaking out. Dying inside. But then when the towel dropped I was like, 'fuck that.' You just have to relax, and it's just like you're taking a shower at your house. There is no one around, you are taking a shower, it's very simple. I literally took a shower the way I take a shower." — Gilles Marini, on his Sex And The City nude scene. [BlackBook]
• "I was still showing up to work but I wasn't nearly as good as I should have been. Jon and the guys said, 'Hey, you've gotta take care of this and you've gotta take care of this now.'" — Richie Sambora, on his Bon Jovi bandmates staging an intervention and urging him to enter rehab. [Daily Express]
• Q: If you could have been born in a different century, which would it be?
  A: "Roman times. You never had to leave the couch." — Ozzy Osbourne. [Telegraph]
• "The nude scenes never felt magical. They felt like a pain in the arse." — Eric Bana on The Time Traveler's Wife. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "We didn't have trailers. That's unheard of. After Season 2, for two seasons we had a communal trailer that we all shared — me, Larry [David], Jeff [Garlin], Cheryl [Hines], any of the guests stars, we were all in the same trailer. Changing together, using the same bathroom. You think those Sex and the City girls didn't have trailers from day one? Oh yes they did!" — Susie Essman on the early days of Curb Your Enthusiasm. [Page Six]
• "I remember thinking, 'I don't know if I can do radio.' I never even listen to it. [But] There's no censorship. That's why I said yes. I couldn't imagine doing a show where I'd once again have to answer to corporate interests." — Rosie O'Donnell, on her new radio show, which she can do from home. She adds: "I don't even have a bra on! That's the best part of this job." [USA Today]
• "I take pride in saying I'm a fat girl, fabulous and thick, fluffy and tender, full and tasty. Don't it just make you happy to say that? Big from birth. Nine pounds, 13 ounces. They told my mother it was baby fat and I would grow out of it. At 41 years old, I am now 217 pounds. I didn't grow out of it. I grew into it… Am I wrong for not saying that beauty has to be blonde hair and blue eyes and a size zero? Now, that is beautiful. But beauty is also black with nappy hair, and it could be a size 52. Beauty comes in everything. It's what your eyes perceive to be beautiful. I just don't choose to buy into the foolishness of what this country says we deem is beauty. Who are you?" — Mo'Nique, who also talks about losing weight for her health, at the link. [CBS News]

• Kate Moss and her boyfriend, Jamie Hince, have been invited to spend Christmas on Johnny Depp's private island with Depp and his wife, Vanessa Paradis. Celebrities! They're just like us...if we had an ex-boyfriend with a private island. [TheSun]

• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are reportedly together again, for the 80th time. [TheSun]
• The pair were seen eating dinner together with Courteney Cox Arquette and her husband, David, and Aniston was "was on his arm and they were very lovey." [TheSun]
• Meanwhile, Aniston and her father, John Aniston have come together to narrate a children's book for charity; $2 from each book sold will be given to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. [JustJared]
• Blake Lively is allegedly a very big fan of Victoria Beckham and recently tried to convince Beckham to guest star on Gossip Girl, taking her case to the producers of the show. "Victoria isn't an actress and wanted her role to be very tongue-in-cheek," says a source, "And an idea for her to play Ed Westwick's long-lost mother was quickly vetoed. Victoria joked that she'd rather play his ex-love interest!" [ShowbizSpy]
• 3,000 people came out to say farewell to Boyzone star Stephen Gately this morning at his funeral; Gately passed away at the age of 33 last week. [Reuters]
• Pete Wentz, who says he wants a "soccer team" of kids, also says that having a son made him realize how much his own father did for him: "It makes me realize all of the little things that my dad sacrificed when he had me. It's sad it took 30 years but I totally realize it now." [People]
• An interesting question for your Saturday morning: "Is Kevin Costner Germany's new David Hasselhoff?" [People]
• Larry Birkhead claims that Anna Nicole Smith took methadone while pregnant with their daughter, Dannielynn, as she feared withdrawal would cause her to lose the baby. [NYDN]
• Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis was caught on tape screaming a homophobic slur at a doorman last night after being denied entrance a club. [TMZ]
• TLC reportedly knows just how much money Jon Gosselin has been making from his interviews and promotional appearances, and, according to RadarOnline, "the network wants all that money plus damages in a court battle that has the strong possibility of leaving Jon flat broke." [RadarOnline]
• Michael Crichton's wife and daughter are currently fighting over the late author's estate, as Crichton's daughter wants his wife (her step-mother) removed as trustee of Crichton's estate. [UPI]
• Levi Johnston is preparing for his upcoming Playgirl shoot by eating tons of lean protein, including moose meat, according to his trainer: "Moose meat is very good for you, high in protein and very lean." [People]
• Two Ohio police chiefs accused of breaking in to the home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate in order to collect information on Parker and her husband, Matthew Broderick, to sell to the tabloids, face between 14-21 years of jail if convicted. [E!]
• Ryan Reynolds is currently working on a film "described as a dude-in-drag romantic comedy, with Reynolds playing a jilted lover who must disguise himself as a woman and befriend his ex in order to win her back." [Variety]
• "I've found that people are cool if you don't treat them like jerks."-Penn Badgely [NYTimes]
• Andrew Keegan's ex-girlfriend claims she isn't surprised that a judge refused to grant her a permanent restraining order against Keegan, whom she's accused of abusing her in the past: "
  "I'm fine. I guess deep down inside, I knew I had a slim chance in winning, considering I didn't hire an expensive lawyer to bail me out. In fact, I went alone as a strong woman who was standing up to someone who hurt her." [TMZ]
• "What they really want from us is just to open the movie and then get lost after introducing a new generation of ghostbusters, who can start the franchise all over again. I've heard the script idea, and part of it is good but, ye know, it's going to be tough to start again." -Bill Murray on Ghostbusters III [TimesOnline]
• Cindy Crawford says she gets her famous mole checked often, as she fears it might become cancerous. [DailyMail]
• Curious about the type of condoms Jamie Kennedy uses? Well, wonder no more, I guess. [TMZ]
• Khloe Kardashian says no matter what she does, bloggers and commenters will criticize her body: "Well, I am always fat no matter how much weight I lose. It's like I can never have a good body. But I have a really strong sense of self-esteem. It kind of frustrates me because I do work really hard. I eat really well and I try to look the best I can." [ShowbizSpy]
• Debbie Rowe has filed a $490,000 lawsuit against Rebecca White, who claimed that she had an email from Rowe stating that Rowe didn't want custody of her children with Michael Jackson. [TMZ]
• "I want to hate Megan Fox more than anything. We all do. But I read a bunch of her quotes, and she's witty and smart and carefree. I thought, ‘This is the kind of girl I'd love to be friends with."-Kristen Bell [ShowbizSpy]

• A judge ordered Lindsay Lohan to appear in court tomorrow for a progress report because officials from her alcohol education course reported concerns about her sobriety. If she violated the terms of her probation, she could be jailed.

• Lindsay was ordered to attend the course after pleading no contest to a DUI in 2007. Usually in a misdemeanor case the defendant would not have to appear in court. [TMZ, TMZ]
• Kate Gosselin says she might sue Jon Gosselin after hearing Stephanie Santoro's allegations that Jon bragged about hacking into her emails, phone, and online accounts. She said in a statement that she's "profoundly disturbed" and "Under the circumstances, Ms. Gosselin is carefully considering all of her legal options regarding this matter, and she will pursue them if and when the time is right." [Radar Online]
• Roman Polanski's wife Emmanuelle Seigner attacked a female paparazzo who approached her outside her Paris apartment, punching and screaming at her in the middle of the street. [Radar Online]
• Jimmy Kimmel's admission that he's dating staffer Molly McNearney is developing into his own sex scandal. Apparently he fired her ex-boyfriend, who was also on staff, before they started seeing each other. Molly and her ex used to double date with Jimmy and Sarah Silverman. [Radar Online]
• According to the search warrant in the David Letterman extortion case, Robert Halderman met with Letterman's lawyer to present the incriminating documents and photos and demand $2 million from Letterman. The meeting was held and recorded and Haldeman was given a $2 million check. [TMZ]
• The legal documents say Robert Halderman told the lawyer that David Letterman's "world is about to collapse around him," and that he had, "a lot more" documents to back up his claims. [AP]
• At the link are pictures of Holly Hester, a woman who claims she had a relationship with David Letterman when she was an intern 20 years ago, goofing around in Dave's office. [TMZ]
• Lawyers representing Michael Jackson's estate went to court today to ask a judge to give them more power to make day-to-day decisions without going to court. The judge put off the hearing until later this month. [TMZ]
• Liza Minnelli says she and Barbara Streisand will attend Stanford and Anthony's wedding in Sex and the City 2: Electric Boogaloo and she will perform Beyonce's "Single Ladies." Liza says: "The choreography for the number is something I should have done when I was 22." [Contact Music]
• A spokesman for director Hype Williams has confirmed that Beyonce and Lady Gaga will appear in the music video for Beyonce's "Video Phone." [MTV]
• A source claims that Jennifer Aniston hooked up with John Mayer at a New York hotel in september. "He really got to her, and she's hooked on him," says the source. "She just can't let go." [Us]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger's solution to Maria Shriver being caught talking on her cell phone while driving was to hire her a driver. [TMZ]
• Leona Lewis, who was punched in the head by a man at her book signing yesterday, wrote on her website: "Thank you so much for your support it is truly overwhelming. Yesterday was a horrible shock and left me extremely hurt and upset. I'm very sorry to those I wasn't able to meet at the signing. Thank you again for all of the lovely messages." [People]
• Police have charged 29-year-old Peter Kowalczyk with assault for allegedly hitting Leona Lewis and "sectioned" him under the mental health act — which means he's being held so doctors can evaluate him. [TMZ]
• Leona Lewis was supposed to go to Germany today for a one day promotional trip but she cancelled so she could recover from the incident. [The Telegraph]
• A second Billy Mays autopsy report says contrary to earlier reports, "there is no evidence that Mr. Mays' death was related to acute cocaine intoxication .... rather, the use of cocaine by Mr. Mays appears to have occurred at a remote time several days before his death." [TMZ]
• The second autopsy was commissioned by Billy Mays' family. His widow Deborah Mays issued a statement saying: "In addition, there is nothing in his medical, social or professional history to suggest chronic cocaine use. Therefore, I do not believe cocaine played a significant contributing factor in the death of Mr. Mays as the autopsy specimens and findings are not consistent with the cardiac conditions normally observed in a person chronically using cocaine." [TMZ]
• David Archuleta's parents have filed for divorce less than a month after his father, James Jeffrey, was arrested during a sting on a massage parlor for soliciting a prostitute. [Radar Online]
• Paris Hilton says of the pet piglet she's purchased, "I'm getting her in a couple weeks. She's still a baby, so she's with her mom, getting ready for me. She'll be a perfect addition to the family!" [Us]
• Kim Kardashian did a Barbie-inspired shoot for the cover of Kurv magazine. She says, "I absolutely love this photoshoot I did for KURV Magazine! I worked with the most amazing photographer, Tony Duran! This could be my favorite shoot to date!" [People]
• Khloe Kardashian wrote on her blog, "According to Star, our marriage is on the rocks because I threw a fit when Lamar refused to give me a massage!!! I seriously died when I read that! LOL. Star is known for doing evil, fake and RIDICULOUS stories about my family. Remember the cover story, "Kardashians At War"? Honey please. They are becoming the Enquirer. Next thing you know they'll be saying that Kourtney is giving birth to a cat! LOL. All of their stories are absurd but at least we get a good laugh from their lies." [Khloe Kardashian Blog]
• A-Ha will split up following a farewell tour next year. The band says the split will allow them to pursue "other meaningful aspects of life." [The Mirror]
• Someone created a Rihanna tag on twitter and wrote: "The Wait Is Ova. Nov. 23 09." It's unclear if that's the date her new album is coming out. [CNN]
• Russell Crowe and Elizabeth Banks were shooting a scene inside a van when a fire truck pulled out of a nearby station and hit the front of the van. No one was injured. [TMZ]
• David Cook's "cougar," who is 9 years older than him, says he broke up with her because fans weren't happy about their relationship. Kim Johnston claims that Cook sent her a text reading: "Dude, I'm losing fans over this!" [Star]
• George Clooney says false news stories leave celebrities with "no recourse... It'll be false, and you'll go, 'It's not true.' And they go, 'We're not saying that, we're saying that a London tabloid has said it.' They're just reprinting and reprinting things that aren't necessarily true." [AP]
• Daniel Radcliffe has bought at $5.65 million brownstone in Manhattan that used to belong to a sea captain. [Observer]
• A 38-year-old man suffered a fatal heart attack at a Kelly Clarkson concert at Boston University. [Boston]
• According to an autopsy Sickle Cell Anemia may have played a role in the death of Ashley "A.J." Jewell of RHOA. He died in a bar fight but due to his condition he may not have been able to replenish the oxygen he lost during the incident. [TMZ]
• Emilie de Ravin separated from her husband Josh Janowicz when she was filming Remember Me with Robert Pattinson. She and her husband have reunited but a friend says, "She was miffed that Rob went back to Kristen Stewart after the film wrapped... She liked him a lot." [Star]
• Madonna says the past year, in which she got divorced and went on tour, was "challenging... I may have thrown myself off a building. I think work saved me and I'm very grateful that I had work to do." [Daily Mail]
• "People have told me, 'you could just go out there and play guitar and sing your songs like Paul McCartney', but I'd be too bored. Most of the joy of the shows is the magic of creating them: theatre. I'm a perfectionist. I like hard work. I like to sweat." — Madonna [The Telegraph]
• Some of Emily Mortimer's least favorite things are integrity, men in shorts, the sound of her husband clipping his toenails, and "how awful my boobs are when I'm pregnant." [Black Book]
• Carey Mulligan says, "A lot of people go to university for the sake of it and I knew I would probably waste my time and other people's time so I tried to get into acting." [The Telegraph]
• After hearing that January Jones was photographed in lingerie for GQ Bryan Batt said, "I'm in House Beautiful, thank you very much. In my bed, fully clothed. Please, people want to see January in her underwear. They don't want to see me in lingerie. Come on, who's not dying to see that? All the ladies on our show are uniquely beautiful in their own way." [N.Y. Magazine]
• According to a Playboy press release, Marge Simpson said when her family learned that she posed for the magazine's November issue, "Homer said he was intrigued because he had never heard of [Playboy]. The notion of women posing in the buff was completely foreign to him. Wasn't it sweet of him to lie? When Lisa heard about this, she said it was empowering to see a woman in control of her own body. Wasn't it sweet of her to lie? Bart will never learn about this under any circumstance."

[Los Angeles, October 13. Image via x17]

• Penelope Cruz, who is rumored to be engaged to Javier Bardem, showed up to the premiere of Pedro Almódovar's Broken Embraces in New York on Sunday with a knuckle-sized sapphire surrounded by small diamonds on her ring finger. [People]

• Is Madonna trying to get into a Pedro Almodóvar film? They were spotted having dinner together. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Al Pacino says, "At 20, I lived in Sicily by selling the only asset I had - my body. An older woman traded food and housing in return for sex. I woke mornings not really loving myself." [Daily Express]
• A source close to Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston insists, "Angelina really couldn't care less," about their "feud". "And Jennifer really has moved on. I promise you this." [E!]
• Michael Lohan visited Jon Gosselin at his Pennslyvania home today and played with Jon's kids. [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin's lawyer, Mark Heller, who has been suspended by the New York State Bar, asked lawyer Michael Marino to sponsor him so he could get permission to represent Jon in Pennsylvania. Marino has withdrawn his sponsorship and says he only agreed at first because the Gosselins, "Didn't mean anything to me. I thought it was some simple divorce case where some lawyer wanted to be introduced to the court... I don't watch that kind of junk on TV. It was so insignificant to me." [TMZ]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin will head to court tomorrow to meet with an arbitrator to work out their money dispute. [People]
• Ugh. The cover of Star last week declared that Tori Spelling only weighs 95 lbs so she Tweeted: "come 2 my house&weigh me Star! I'm 107lbs." Now the mag writes: "As for Tori's challenge to come to her house and weigh her, we've accepted it - twice! - and we're waiting to hear back from her to name the time/date." [Star]
• Paula Anka says that "This Is It" is a rip off of a song he wrote and recorded with Michael Jackson in 1983. He claims that MJ stole the tapes and his vocal track is used in "This Is It." Anka gave his song to Safire, who recorded it in 1990. You can compare at them here: [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton says she's looking to get back to work now that The Beautiful Life has been cancelled. "There's a bunch of projects I always wanted to make, so I'm going back to thinking about things again," she said. "I just started looking at films." [Access Hollywood]
• Roman Polanski's lawyer said, "The filmmaker is very touched by the support he has received... He also knows that some of it is counter-productive." [AFP]
• Taping of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion special has been postponed to give the cast time to deal with the death of Kandi Burruss' former fiancé, Ashley "A.J." Jewell. [CNN]
• Just so you know, Bruce Jenner thinks President Obama did "absolutely nothing" to deserve his Nobel Prize. He said this while pumping gas. [TMZ]
• Courtney Love has left Twitter, but, unlike Miley Cyrus she has a good reason. She is being sued by fashion designer Dawn Simorangkir for her defamatory Tweets. [Perez Hilton]
• Bruce Vilanch's assistant, Seth Apper, has been arrested for selling coke. [Village Voice]
• Why won't people leave Jessica Simpson alone? She Tweets: "People have been contacting my family and friends saying that Daisy has been found. Untrue. People are so cruel. Please respect her memory." [People]
• Orlando Bloom has been named UNICEF's Goodwill Ambassador. He plans to focus on advocating for needy children. [AP]
• Bill Hader's wife Maggie Carey gave birth to their first child, Hannah Kathryn Hader, on October 6. [People]
• Can the ridiculously dapper Jon Hamm make David Letterman seem a little less sleazy? Check out this video to find out: [ONTD]
• Shauna Sand is fighting Vivid Entertainment because the porn company plans to distribute a sex tape featuring Sand and her boyfriend. She says: "Yes I did make a sex tape with my boyfriend earlier this year. In fact I've made several sex tapes, but I certainly didn't sign off on this and Vivid has no right to put it out. I am trying to get a hold of my attorney now." [TMZ]
• Lorenzo Lamas screamed at Shauna Sand, the mother of his three young daughters, when he learned of the sex tape. She was worried he would sue for full custody, but to prove to her that he wouldn't he wrote the following on a piece of paper: I, Lorenzo Lamas, will not seek custody of my minor children with Shauna Sand. Even in the event of a release of a sex tape with her and her boyfriend." [TMZ]
• In her memoir The Trump Card, Playing To Win In Work And Life, Ivanka Trump writes: "My parents have both led nontraditional lifestyle – but they have extremely traditional relationships with their children... They might have taken me to boxing matches or trips around the word but at the end of the day they were always my parents, not my best friends." [People]
• Sharon Stone hasn't been acting that much and she's been filling her free time with gardening. She says: "What I am finding is that when you start to really clear old, dead things and really take that time to take away the old stuff and organize a garden and clear out and get in the dirt and weed things out and then see the new stuff that's coming up and move things around, this time that you take that actually takes some labor and is meditative and organized with nature, you can get yourself in a harmonious place." [N.Y. Magazine]
• "I'm a single mother with no child support. I have to work. I also happen to love what I do and think it's a good example for kids to see their mother working. My son always says to me, 'Mommy, why do you have to go to work?' and I tell him, 'I have to be able to buy the toys.' He totally gets it." — Kelly Rutherford [L.A. Times]

• Madonnahas dropped celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson: "Madonna had grown tired of the baggage that Tracy always seemed to be carrying with her," says a source, "Tracy had grown to be more of a distraction than anything else." [PageSix]

• Stephen Gately of the Irish boyband Boyzone was found dead last night in Majorca, where he was vacationing. The cause of death has not been released at this time; Gately was only 33 years old. [ONTD]
• A friend claims that "It looks like [Gately] went out for a few drinks, then got back, fell asleep and never woke up." [ONTD]
• "Stephen was the kindest, gentlest soul. We send our love and condolences to his partner, Andy, and to all his friends everywhere."-Elton John [Guardian]
• Oh dear: David Letterman reportedly brought Stephanie Birkett, the staffer he was sleeping with, on Caribbean vacations with his wife and son. According to the New York Post, Letterman's wife, Regina Lasko "believed that Birkitt was only an innocent "friend" and "co-worker" at the time." [NYPost]
• A former flight attendant on Oprah Winfrey's private jet claims she was fired after two fellow flight attendants accused her of "inappropriate intimate behavior" while in flight. The woman says the flight attendants are lying, and is suing for $75,000. [TMZ]
• Jimmy Kimmel is currently dating the co-head writer of his show, Molly McNearney. "After Jimmy and Sarah broke up, Molly and Jimmy both found themselves single, and they clicked," says a source, "They're really happy together." [People]
• Britney Spears will attempt to regain full custody of her two sons before Christmas. A source says Kevin Federline is unlikely to oppose the bid "as long as he is granted full visitation rights." [DailyExpress]
• A source claims that Michael Bay is considering killing off Megan Fox in the next Transformers film. "Michael's pretty much discovered Megan and now he's very quietly looking for her replacement. He hasn't decided if he's going to kill her off in the next movie, but he just wants to be prepared." [PopCrunch]
• "I don't think you can plan or control love. I think you have to just be willing to take what comes and however it comes, you know? I have a really great relationship with myself and that's a lifelong process. I have a great job, a great family and great friends. I have my health and I love what I do."-Jennifer Aniston [ShowbizSpy]
• Meanwhile, Angelina Jolie is fed up with Brad Pitt's scrubby appearance and has hired Tom Ford to give Pitt a makeover. "His beard is so unkempt now that she can't even stand kissing him, and she started calling him ‘Billy Goat Gruff' to shame him into getting rid of it," says a source, "Angie called Tom personally and handpicked thousands of dollars worth of casual and dress-up clothes for Brad. She's desperate to get the old, stylish Brad back." [ShowbizSpy]
• Kanye West was a no-show at last night's BET Awards, even though he was nominated for nine awards. [E!]
• Moby is set to donate the proceeds from several of his concerts to the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence, as the cause is close to his heart: "I had to stop [my mother] from being stabbed to death by a boyfriend of hers. I hate to say this, but almost half of the women I know who are friends of mine have been in abusive relationships of some sort or another." [Reuters]
• "I just don't take any of it seriously. It's just a job and while it's a job I love, girls scream out for Edward, not Robert. I still can't get a date."- Robert Pattinson [ONTD]
• Vince Vaughn's Couples Retreat won the Friday box office, taking in 12.3 million dollars. [EW]
• Roman Polanski's lawyer, Herve Temime says Polanski is "depressed" in jail. "Roman Polanski, who is 76, seemed very dejected when I visited him," Temime says, "Polanski was in an unsettled state of mind." [Reuters]
• Katie Holmes has reportedly won a "victory" over Tom Cruise by enrolling the couple's daughter, Suri in a Catholic preschool, as opposed to a Scientology-based program. "‘She is not convinced by Scientology and has told Tom that she wants Suri to be educated as a Catholic – as she was," says a source, "They had been having huge problems agreeing on her school. To say they were having arguments is putting it mildly – but Tom came around to the idea in the end." [DailyMail]
• Hilary Swank would like you to know that she sleeps in the nude: "I don't sleep in anything. Well, my boyfriend's son is 6 years old, and you wonder at what age you should stop walking around nude. Every morning he comes into the bedroom, and you're just nude. But he doesn't look twice; he doesn't think about it yet. I just toss and turn too much when I sleep, and if I'm in clothes, I get all twisted up." [ShowbizSpy]
• The sad thing is that I feel so boring because Twilight is literally how every conversation I have these days begins - whether it's someone I'm meeting for the first time or someone I just haven't seen in a while. The first thing I want to say to them is, ‘It's insane! And, as a person, I can't do anything!' But then I think to myself, God damn it, shut the fuck up."-Kristen Stewart [ShowbizSpy]

[Los Angeles, October 8. Image via Flynet.]

• In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, a visibly angry Jon Gosselin says Kate Gosselin is trying to prevent him from seeing their twins on their birthday tomorrow but, "She can't tell me what to do... I'm just going to stay."

• Kate wants Jon to spend only two hours with the kids tomorrow, but Jon says he owns half of the house and has joint custody, so he'll do what he pleases. Jon explains that he knows what Kate says about him to the kids when he's not there because, "Maddy can't keep a secret. She tells me right away." He adds, "This thing has gotten so crazy and we've let too many people in, and everything's going haywire…They didn't ask for this. It's not their fault. But it is our fault by throwing our kids out there, shoving a camera in their face and asking an eight- or nine-year-old to explain it." [Entertainment Tonight]
• In the video at the link Jon Gosselin pulls out his Blackberry and reads an email from Kate Gosselin about the party. They had planned to host it together but she says, "Due to recent events, it'll be too stressful." Jon calls her ridiculous and says, "I can stay as long as I want... and I will." [TMZ]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's scheduled hearing over their money dispute was cancelled today because the judge's wife died of cancer. [TMZ]
• The hearing will be delayed by at least a week, which gives Jon Gosselin some more time to blow through the cash he took out of his joint account with Kate. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan blames Jon Gosselin's problems on his lawyer. "From a legal standpoint, I don't agree with anything being done right now," says Lohan, adding that he believes, "that Jon will not have his kids living with no roof over his head so I think they'll work something out. However, and this is a big however, whoever his counsel was who advised Jon to do what he did are the ones who should be put on the chopping block." [Radar Online]
• TMZ has pictures of Kevin Federline's rented Tarzana, CA home, which he is accused of destroying. The house he was raising his two boys in was filthy and had cigarettes and glass bottles tossed all over the yard and near play areas. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston's rep says reports that she and Brad Pitt met in a New York City hotel to discuss his relationship with Angelina Jolie are untrue. [Us]
• Robert "Joe" Halderman didn't expose David Letterman's affair with his live-in-girlfriend Stephanie Birkitt for financial reasons. "This wasn't about money, not money alone," said a source. "This was revenge. It was about making Letterman miserable. He wants to hurt Letterman as much as he can — and he wanted to hurt the girl, too." [N.Y. Post]
• Stephanie Birkitt has been banned from the Late Show With David Letterman set. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila explained on her blog that the "post traumatic stress" she's been suffering since the domestic violence incident with Shawne Merriman was what led her to Tweet, "I am going to kill myself cuz I don't want to life in a world where its filled with IGNORANCE! which majority of you ARE! & racists!" She writes: "I am a bit embarrassed and ashamed that the whole world witnessed my very public meltdown about being suicidal, but at the same time, I know that I shouldn't be... Had I not spoken out for help, my loved ones would not have seen my cry for help, and I probably wouldn't be alive today. Had I not done what I did that night, I most definitely would have made the biggest mistake of my life, that I can never undo." [E!]
• Janet Jackson says she hasn't been reading or watching the news since Michael Jackson's death. "People can have rhinoceros skin, but there's a point when something's going to hurt you," she said. "I haven't watched the news in weeks. I had to ask my chef, 'How's Obama doing?' I haven't read a newspaper." [The Sun]
• Though the sheriff's deputy who arrested Mel Gibson called TMZ twice on the same day the site leaked parts of his report including his anti-Semitic comments, authorities investigating the leak say they couldn't identify who handed over the report. [L.A. Times]
• Nick Nolte's son Brawley King Nolte, who was the kidnapped kid in Ransom, was arrested for suspicion of DUI and possession of a controlled substance yesterday in Santa Monica. His bail is set at $5,000. [TMZ]
• Janice Dickinson ignored a lawsuit filed against her by City National Bank and now a judge has ruled that she has to pay $304,449, the balance she owed on a loan plus attorney fees. [TMZ]
• At the link, watch a video for the campaign to get Tracy Morgan to join Twitter. [Buzzfeed]
• Jennifer Hudson will film a Christmas special for ABC called Jennifer Hudson: I'll Be Home for Christmas in Chicago. [AP]
• Alicia Keys is launching AK Worldwide, a new company that will handle her projects, especially her non-music related work. "It is really about finding ways to bring forth things into the world that will give you and all the people that encounter them, and myself, inspiration," she said. [AP]
• Outside the Cheesecake Factory last night Kanye West told the paparazzi that he ordered chicken because, "I'm black." [TMZ]
• The Lego David Bowie in the upcoming Lego: Rock Band game is so detailed it has two different colored eyes. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Illeana Douglas is producing a new web series called Sparhusen about a Swedish band that plays music for IKEA. It's a spinoff of her web series Easy To Assemble about a fictional version of herself taking a job at the store. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Heidi Klum has checked into the hospital to give birth to her daughter. [Perez Hilton]
• Rainn Wilson will star in a series of ads for the NBA on TNT. [UPI]
• Reports that Lisa Marie Presley's 17-year-old son has signed a recording contract with Universal Music are untrue. [People]
• Mark "Hollywood" Hatten says his ex-girlfriend Anna Nicole Smith was always, "begging with me to kill E. Pierce Marshall" because she felt that after her husband died, his son Pierce was "standing in the way of her money." [TMZ]
• At the link is a commercial featuring Drew Barrymore for this week's Saturday Night Live. [Just Jared]
• Maksim Chmerkovskiy says he's relived that his partner Debi Mazar has been kicked off Dancing With the Stars because he won't have to endure any more awkward encounters with his ex-fiancée, Karina Smirnoff. "I feel completely betrayed. I'm done," he said. [People]
• Marion Ross, who played Mrs. Cunningham on Happy Days, will do a five episode stint as Sally Field's mother on Brothers & Sisters. [L.A. Times]
• Jermaine Clement says Flight of the Conchords will, "be on one of the future Rock Bands. We don't know which songs yet but we're thinking about it at the moment and we're open to suggestions." [ONTD]
• Hilary Swank says, "For a long time, I was a loner because [my ex-husband Chad Lowe] was my best friend, and we were really happy just hanging out, he and I. I think it was maybe five years ago that I realized how important my friends were to me, and I realized they were a big part of my letting go. When I got divorced three years ago, I needed them more than ever. I have really good girlfriends. Mariska Hargitayis my best friend." [Just Jared]
• Prepare to have your heart broken: Emma Thompson has signed the petition to free Roman Polanski. [Shakesville]
• In the new Harper's Bazaar cover story, Tina Fey says that Liz Lemon and Carrie Bradshaw would get along because, "Liz has little to no style and little to no sex drive" and "Carrie would be very encouraging of Lemon and help her have more confidence." [People]

• Frances Bean Cobain has written an open letter to Ali Lohan. Would you like to know what it says? Here goes — and consider it to be [sic]-filled:

"This is my open letter to Ali Lohan.
Your not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name. Your idea of fame isn't fame. It's infamy. You want to be famous? Work your ass off and make decisions that could potentially catapult your career into a lasting one. Notariety for who you are and notaritey for the work you produce are two completely differnt things. I understand that you have been brought up in an envirtoment where the idea of fame is easily achievable but, that's not an excuse. You lack the talent, social understanding and credibility to be anything other then infamous. Your careere choices, thus far, will transcend a future career as someone who attempted to be famous, but never quite achieved it. And if you do, it will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you plumit into the murky abyss shared with the likes of Spencer Pratt & Jon Gosslin who, i'm sure, will steal your money whilst there. Fortunately for the world, there are people who have and don't have recognizable names, who have obtained artistic integrity and will one day, hopefully, bring that tangible artisticness into light again. Though, its hard to think thats achievable when people like You ali lohan are rendering the world of true talent by attempting to make your entitled ass noticed. How is this fair to the people who HAVE artistic integrity, or a mind? How is it fair to those who truly have something to offer the human race other then a dwindling last name and a few shitty films, both of which, solidified the idea that your just a celebrities sibling. I recognize that i might come across as harsh and no, i don't personally know you, but its the actions that you take, that speak for you. You blatently don't care how your recognized, its the objective to get famous and that is what makes you replaceable and a recycled idea .Well, im ashamed to have to be grouped into the same category of person as you. I would rather die a most painful death the be assoicated with the kind of careere your trying to make for your self. I hope i'm wrong because generally i'm not a very judgmental person, but in the case of you, that is MY entitlement." Phew! …And scene. [ONTD]

• Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston had a "secret meeting" in New York, yet somehow the Daily Fail knows that the rendez-vous took place in a hotel and that Brad "unloaded his emotional baggage" on Jen. [Daily Mail]
• I wish I'd seen the Madonna and Lady Gaga dance off on Saturday night after SNL; sources say Madonna seemed to be the winner. [Page Six]
• "Madonna and her toy boy Jesus Luz had a bust-up following the pop queen's admission she'd rather get hit by a train than get hitched again." He supposedly feels like a fool and is heartbroken. [The Sun]
• OMG Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart went out for dinner (with friends)! They ate and enjoyed themselves! They were acting like a couple! All together, now: TWILIGHTISREALSPARKLEVAMP4EVA. [People]
• After being in a car accident on Monday, Nicole Richie's been checked out at the hospital, visited by her mother at home, and hired a lawyer. Hope everything is okay. [People]
• Jon Gosselin on that missing $230,000 from the Gosselin's joint account: "I never took any money." [TMZ]
• Lamar Odom has met with his lawyer regarding a prenup in his wedding to Khloe Kardashian, and word is, he will not be giving her half his earnings. [TMZ]
• Spoilers! You know this pic of Kim Cattrall in a wedding dress for Sex And The City 2: Electric Boogaloo? It's supposedly a fake-out; the ones getting married are Stanford and Anthony. More spoilery details at the link. [JustJared]
• SHOCKER: Mariah Carey has been acting like a diva on her new tour. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Click for a pic of Kate Hudson in a wedding dress, modeling for a Bazaar photo shoot. [NY Post]
• Organizers "worked overtime" to keep feuding singers Lily Allen and Katy Perry away from each other at the Chanel show in Paris. [The Sun]
• Kevin Federline's former landlords want $110,661 in unpaid rent and damages — which include spit marks on the exterior paint, gutters full of cigarette butts and beer bottles, broken tiles, a broken dishwasher and dismantled smoke detectors. Popo wow. [TMZ]
• Tyra Banks doesn't drink anymore, and a "source" says, "I guess that's how she ended up dropping 30 pounds." Anonymous weight loss speculation FTW! [Page Six]
• Shannen Doherty is working on a reality show that will highlight her "lighter and funnier" side. [E!]
• Queen Latifah is concerned about the hip-hop scene: "Never in my career do I remember rap being so male-dominated. In videos, women are basically shown as the girl you shake the booty with. They're objectified. There are females out there who can rap, who listen to rap. Missy and Lil' Kim and the young up-and-coming ones need an opportunity to be heard. I think we're all masculine and feminine, and a society can't be right if you don't honor the feminine voice." [USA Today]
• Usher's divorce: Delayed. [NY Daily News]
• "The FBI investigated whether Anna Nicole Smith was part of a plot to kill her tycoon husband's son, whom she was battling for his late dad's fortune, but prosecutors ultimately decided there wasn't enough evidence to charge the Playboy Playmate who died in 2007 from a drug overdose, newly released files show." [AP, LA Times]
• A man who bid in the canceled Michael Jackson auction is pissed he didn't get the stuff he was willing to pay for. He's suing for $5,000,000. [TMZ]
• Honestly, I do not even get why story about Jude Law, Hamlet and someone being upstaged by a skull is "news." It sounds like much ado without nothing. [Telegraph]
• The number of viewers of The Jay Leno Show: In decline. [USA Today]
• Nick Lachey avoided Jessica Simpson while in Vegas and refused to be photographed with on and off girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo. [Page Six]
• No one wants to be on Tinsley Mortimer's reality show. [Page Six]
• "Mel's anti-Jew-spew DWI wiped off books." [NY Post]
• Is Cougar Town a virus? It's spreading. The show will air in territories across Europe, Africa and the Middle East. This is what we export, people. Cougars. Can I go back to bed now? [Variety]
• If you shop at the right consignment stores, you could find clothes worn by Padma Lakshmi, who's given up her pre-pregnancy ensembles for charity. [Page Six]
• Something happened to Tony Roberts during the Sunday matinee of the Broadway play The Royal Family. His daughter reports the actor had a minor seizure and is now "feeling great." [USA Today]
• At the link, you'll find Chris Daughtry's tips for a happy marriage. If you're interested. [People]
• Elvis Presley's grandson Ben Presley, 17, just inked a $5 million record deal but says: "The music will be nothing like Elvis, nothing like him at all." Good luck with that! [NY Post]
• Little Britain star Matt Lucas had tried to get his former husband Kevin McGee off coke, and even paid for rehab; McGee committed suicide earlier this week. [The Sun]
• "I wanted somebody who had a huge presence-charismatic, able to dominate a room [yet] who was very sensitive, whose emotions were right under the surface." — Spike Jonze, on casting James Gandolfini's voice in Where The Wild Things Are. [The Daily Beast]
• "I think the way kids create is so inspiring. They're drawing a picture? They love the picture they drew; they're not tortured about it. But I think that that's only one side of me. Right now, it's a good story because it makes a tie-in with the movie." — Spike Jonze, on getting labeled an overgrown child. [Daily Beast]
• "I have kissed a lot of rock stars in my time but seriously never so many as the last 24 hours." — Courtney Love. [Page Six]
• "Hanging around with Chris, he always has a video camera, and he's like, 'I'm gonna ask you some questions about hair.' I talked a lot, but that turned out to be, uh, funny, I guess… I had a perm and when guys have it straightened, they put the rollers in their head, you know, so you get that Super Fly look." — Ice-T, who is in Chris Rock's Good Hair and, yes, used to wear rollers. [NY Mag]
• "I'd never been averse to any kind of medication, but you get brainwashed. I started reading all these books and doing pregnancy yoga. By the end, you feel you have to go natural in order to be a real woman. I got myself a doula [birthing assistant] and a water tank and struggled on for 24 hours, and then I had an epidural. I can remember saying to the anaesthetist, 'Oh, I love you, thank you so much.' I don't know what I was thinking." — Emily Mortimer, who is expecting her second child in January. [Telegraph]
• "It was important for me to write that, to get it off my chest. And to discuss it with a therapist, and tell my parents — which I did, eventually, though it took me about 20 years. And hopefully it will be helpful to someone out there who has gone through a similar situation. [The incident] left me not knowing how to deal with certain things. Boys can put pressure on you, and I didn't do so well with saying no. I had a lot to figure out, and I did eventually, but it was tough. We have to do a better job of looking out for our young girls, because there are predators out there." — Queen Latifah, regarding a song on her new album, Persona, about when she was molested as a 5-year-old by a male babysitter. [USA Today]
• "I get offered movies on a regular basis, but most of them are terrible because most of the movies that are made are terrible. I don't think anybody saw Adventureland, but they marketed it as a big comedy, so I get sent these really shitty scripts that I think people assume that was like. So many scripts where people are having sex with each other. Every script starts off with sex… [With Zombieland…they were nervous to hire me because I'm not famous. There were other more famous people who were auditioning for it. I think the main reason I got into it was because Sony really likes Greg Mottola, who directed Adventureland, so he vouched for me, because he directed their biggest movie in the last several years, Superbad. — Jesse Eisenberg. [BlackBook]
• "Guns seem dumb. I felt bad holding guns because I don't know what influence it has on people watching movies. You can make the argument that it lets people take out their aggression so they don't do it in real life. You can also make the argument that it makes guns look fun and people are going take them out and play with them." — Jesse Eisenberg. [BlackBook]
• "I normally get recognized as either a guy from Spring Awakening, or there's this other guy that screams at me all the time, Hey Napoleon Dynamite! I don't go to nightclubs, I don't go to nice restaurants. There's no perk that can be had aside from getting a slice of pizza at interviews. But you could. People really could exploit it. I haven't been single for 7 years, but I know people who are maybe my level of attractiveness or less and they can have sex quite often… That's great, because then they'll tell me about it." — Jesse Eisenberg. [BlackBook]

Life & Style
"Slim Down Super Fast."
Did you know that if you dance all day instead of working at a desk, you can lose weight? Kelly Osbourne says now that she's on Dancing With The Stars: "I do five hours of rehearsals a day — sometimes even six." Debi Mazar says: "I've lost 11 pounds, and I've noticed my body toning in weird areas — my bra bulge is gone." This six-page extravaganza of peeps who lost weight dancing includes Mya — who was "soft" but is now "toned"; Kathy Ireland, who was "full-figured" but is now "foxy" and model Joanna Krupa, who was "thin" and is now "athletic." Moving on: In a poll titled "Who'd You Want To Be Frisked By?" Jon Hamm wins with 42%! (See image 7). The "cutest Jolie-Pitt pics ever" involve Shiloh buying snacks and making faces. "Perpetually single" Jennifer Aniston found herself in a "sticky situation" because Brad Pitt, John Mayer and Gerard Butler were ALL in New York City AT THE SAME TIME. Imagine that: Being on the same island with all of your exes! And 1.4 million other people! According to handy map provided, John Mayer was downtown in his apartment; Brad was uptown at the Essex House and Gerard ate at a restaurant in Tribeca. DRAMZ. Lastly: "Real" "Housewife" Kim Zolciak would like for America to know that she has never been a stripper: "I'm honest about the fact that I'm dating a married man," she says. "If I'd been a stripper, why wouldn't I tell you?" About her hair, she says: "I have great hair. It's shoulder-length, and it's the same color as most of my wigs. I have naturally black hair, but I bleach it."
Grade: F (runaway bride/missing groom)

In Touch
"I'm Going To Be A Mom."
What she means is: Someday. Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey granted the mag an interview, and when asked if they want a family, she said: "Definitely." He said: "It's at the forefront of our minds. We're very close, but we want to enjoy our first year together." Nick also says that they'd like two kids but "we want to make sure we're ready when the time comes." Mariah has been staying fit by jumping on a trampoline, but she says she wouldn't mind gaining baby weight. "I'd be fine with it," she claims. Oh, and they ask her about turning 40: "Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long." She goes on to explain that she thought she'd die young, like Marilyn Monroe. Oh, Nick says of Eminem: "I don't respect him as a man… He and I need to have an old-school sit down." Moving on: Alongside blurry pictures of the Kardashian wedding, there's news that Lamar Odom's ex, Liza, was so upset about the nuptials that she tossed out thousands of dollars of his possessions from the NY apartment they had shared with their two kids. His kids did not attend the wedding. Neither did Khloe's stepbrother, Brody Jenner, whose girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, is suing Joe Francis, who is BFF with the groom. Next: Jon Gosselin's lawyer spoke to the mag about why Jon delayed the divorce and the guy says: "A divorce, especially for a woman with 8 children, is a very very traumatic thing. But as the mother of his children, [Jon] doesn't want her to have a nervous breakdown." To "win" fans back, Jon and Kate may appear together on Oprah, where they can iron out their differences on national TV. Oh, and a source says Hailey Glassman's parents want her to stay away from Jon. Next: Brad Pitt and Angelina are "purposely" being seen apart in public so that IF they decide to separate, it will come as less of a shock. "They plan to play up the fact that they never really defined their relationship in traditional terms," says a "friend." "They will say when they met, they were on the same page about having children, but neither wanted a life-long partner." Um, okay. He went alone to the Clinton Global Initiative not because she was home with the kids, but because he was making a point about being seen alone. Says a source. Also inside: Britney Spears has reunited with Jason Trawick; they went to a candy store with her kids. He is still her agent, he just can't be in a high-profile relationship right now, an insider says. Lastly: This mag calls out Us magazine for printing a cover story about Jessica Simpson spiraling out of control and finding solace in booze after the disappearance of her dog, Daisy. A friend says: "Of course she's sad about Daisy… but it's so blown out of proportion. She's not drinking excessively."
Grade: D (shitty wedding DJ)

Ok!
"My Dream Wedding."
Khloe sold her wedding snaps to Ok!, and they printed 13 pages of Kardashian pictures and info. How anyone could possibly care is a mystery. Margaret says the most notable thing about the story is that the ceremony was done so quickly that all of the bridesmaids' dresses don't fit properly, and the groom's pants need hemming. (See image 8 and image 9). Kim, whose dress is totally straining and pulling, says: "I was freaking out because I had mine tailored really tight. There was some crazy working out and taking Quick Trim to try and get in shape." Vera Wang is a friend of the Kardashians, and custom-made the bride's dress. Khloe says: "If Vera didn't think our marriage would last, she wouldn't have done it." Next week: Reception photos! Moving on: A source says Brad told Angie that if she got up to 115 pounds by November, he'd "move forward" with child number 7. The story reads: "Angie's been noshing on crepes, omelets. pasta and garlic bread, all prepared lovingly by her partner." A source says: "It's not like Brad's force-feeding her. But he's trying to steer her in the right direction." Kevin Federline wants to lose weight before he joins Celebrity Fit Club. Apparently he blames stress from his unstable custody situation and "Jamie Spears' spicy grilled meats" for his heavy physique. Lastly: Jennifer Aniston had dinner at Monkey Bar in NYC; John Mayer had dinner at Gemma — but pals say he wanted to be sharing a table for two with Jen. "He's been trying to get back into her life," says a friend. "He begged Jen to let him join her on her upcoming trip to Cabo."
Grade: D+ (fallen/broken wedding cake)

Us
"it's Over!"
About a month ago, Justin Timberlake told friends "it's over" with Jessica Biel. He's over it; she's too much to deal with. Except they're always off and on. Anyway, she refuses to accept it, and is pretending nothing's wrong, because "she needs him emotionally and for her career." Says a "pal." But after the VMAs, Justin was "clearly on the hunt." Lindsay Lohan has claimed that she hooked up with Justin several times while he was with Jess, and in June, she Twittered something about him being a cheater. She claimed she'd been hacked, because Justin told his network of people to ban Lindsay and make her life miserable. Apparently when Justin was first getting together with Jess, he visited her on the set of a movie she was making, but wore disguises — beards and hats — so as not to be recognized. JT's cheating rumors include Kate Hudson, Lindsay Lohan and Ciara, though a source says of Lindsay: "Her record of truthfulness is not awesome." The good thing about the "Celebrity Arms Race" is that everybody wins. The bad part? Michelle Obama is a "celebrity." (See image 10). On the "Are They Too Young?" page, we learn that 85% of people think it's okay for a four-year-old to wear a bikini; 48% think a four-year-old is not too young to have a manicure. 76% think Suri is too young to wear heels. (See image 11). Lastly: Raise your hand if you wish you could go inside the Gossip Girl closet!!! (See image 12)
Grade: C- (terrible weather for outdoor ceremony)

Star
"It's On!"
Justin is "pressing" Rihanna to plan another hookup. (They tried to keep their VMA hookup a secret, but Jessica found out within days.) An insider claims: "They like excitement of sneaking around… They got off on keeping it on the down-low." Once, they were alone in the studio late at night working on RiRi's new album, and Justin was joking about strippers — he said she needed to entertain him like that. So Rihanna gave him an impromptu lap dance. "She likes to test the boundaries," says a source. But! RiRi doesn't want to be seen as a boyfriend stealer. She wants it to be publicly out there that JT is single before she commits to him. Anyway, they've been talking and texting, but Rihanna wants to be sure she's not a "lady on the side." Just an FYI on those "exclusive photos": One shows the side of her head and the back of his head; the other shows the back of both of their heads, standing near each other in a crowded club. Not exiting. Moving on: Blind item! "Which singer has rebounded after splitting from his wife by secretly bedding his sexy twenty-something assistant? And no, it's not the one he's been photographed with." Our guess: Usher. Nicole Richie lost 14 pounds in the first seven days after her son Sparrow was born — "and she keeps getting thinner." Wait, are they including the actual infant in those 14 pounds? Anyway: Her secret is "lots of fruit, veggies and fish" and no carbs. The mag says people are "shocked" by her weight. Jennifer Love Hewitt is "scary-skinny." An eyewitness saw her in L.A. and said she looked "frail and drawn" and her face was "achingly thin." Could it be that she's lost her appetite due to love troubles? Lastly: Ashlee Simpson has a crush on her Melrose costar, Colin Egglesfield. They were getting touchy-feely between scenes on September 23 — while Pete Wentz was on tour in Dallas. Ashlee was hugging him and holding his hand and "doing the whole hair flip thing," a spy reveals.
Grade: C (stained bridal gown)

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• Gerard Butler is not, repeat, not dating Jennifer Aniston.

"I love her to death," he says. "She's the coolest and she's become a great friend, but there's nothing going on. And if there was, I'd be happy to say it!" Next week's tabloids covers: JEN'S HEARTBREAK! REJECTED BY GERARD! [E!]

• Starbucks barista to Nicole Kidman: "You know who you look like — that lady who used to be married to Tom Cruise. What's her name?" [Page Six]
• Randy and Evi Quaid were arrested yesterday, but they posted bail last night after the Presidio County Sheriff was kind enough to drive them to an ATM. Apparently law enforcement sources believe Randy and Evi have a pattern of staying in pricey hotels and not paying when they leave. [TMZ]
• Jude Law is the biological father of a newborn child, but he has told his one night stand Samantha Burke that he will not see their daughter for three months. He needs to finish Hamlet on Broadway first. [Telegraph, Telegraph]
• Bruce Willis doesn't like Facebook: "It's frightening, I think it's like the fall of Rome. Three years from now, after all the bees are dead..." [Mirror]
• In her book, Mackenzie Phillips claims she had sex with Mick Jagger when she was 18 (he would have been around 35). "I've been waiting for this since you were 10 years old," Jagger allegedly told her. She says: "I'd known Mick since I was a kid, and maybe most people think their parents' friends are old and gross. But this was Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger! He was hot. He had the most perfect ass in history." [NY Post]
• Britney Spears' 50/50 custody split with Kevin Federline will continue, at least through the end of the year. [TMZ]
• Chris Brown has booked his first show since assaulting Rihanna in February: He'll play Power 105.1's Powerhouse '09 concert with Keri Hilson, TheDream and Trey Songz. A source says: "Chris isn't advertiser-safe yet - his image has a long way to go… But for this show, he'll draw a crowd, so the producers of the show are willing to pay." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Jessica Alba's one-year-old daughter Honor is becoming bilingual. "I am a mother who shoves information down her throat, poor thing," Jessica says. "I sing her songs about colors in Spanish and English when I'm cooking. Literally I integrate learning into everything I do. We're into colors because I feel that's something a 15-month-old can sort of identify. So now she kind of points to blue and says 'azul' and I say 'Yes, azul, muy bien!' It's slow going but she's sort of picking it up." [People]
• How is Travis Barker doing after surviving a plane crash and the death of his good buddy DJ AM? Friend Rob Dyrdek says he's doing "better than I would probably think anyone would really expect." [People]
• "Mariah Carey is in a happy place with projects, love life." [USA Today]
• Brody Jenner's girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, is suing Joe Francis, alleging assault and battery. Joe Francis' response: "Jayde Nicole is an absolute and total liar. The only thing that Jayde Nicole is famous for is having a tattoo of the word 'respect' above her vagina." What does that have to do with anything? [TMZ]
• Khloe Kardashian's fiance, Lamar Odom, called off his bachelor party, which was to be hosted by Joe Francis and Khloe's brother Rob. Lamar opted for a private dinner with his teammates (and Joe and Rob) instead, which sounds like a smart move. [TMZ]
• Lamar Odom's bachelor party was supposed to have "stripper poles, midgets, and tons of candy." Because Joe Francis is classy like that. [Page Six]
• Sources says Ok! magazine will pay $300,000 for an exclusive on Khloe Kardashian's wedding. The money will go to Khloe and her mom. [Gatecrasher]
• Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's former "number one" girlfriend, is getting her own reality show, Planet Holly. Holly says: "It's the perfect excuse for me to be normal in a lighthearted comedy romp. Think Mary Tyler Moore.' Um… MTM did not pose nude or have implants, though, right? [NY Daily News]
• Gossip Girl's Kelly Rutherford has filed court documents alleging that her stressful relationship with her ex husband has affected her ability to produce breast milk for her three-month old daughter. [Extra]
• Kelly Rutherford has been granted a temporary restraining order against her ex-husband, claiming he follows, threatens and scares her, her nanny, and her mother. [NY Daily News]
• Even though Kelis and Nas have been pictured together, their divorce is still on; there will be a hearing November 20. [TMZ]
• Jermaine Jackson's Michael Jackson tribute: "badly organized." [BBC News]
• Anne Heche says that she doesn't plan on marrying the father of her six-month-old child: "I want to stay in love." [E!]
• "Dancing with the Stars goes recession chic by reusing Shawn Johnson's costume for Natalie Coughlin." [NY Daily News]
• Click to see a picture of Emma Thompson is a Morris dancer outfit. [Daily Mail]
• Ricky Gervais explains how he got Philip Seymour Hoffman to do a cameo in his new film The Invention Of Lying: "I didn't know Philip Seymour Hoffman, but I sent him an email saying, 'Dear Philip, please do my new film. There's no money as I spent the entire budget on testicular implants. But don't think of them as my testicles, think of them as our testicles.' He loved it, and it worked." [Telegraph]
• From a great piece on Catherine Deneuve: "When we are talking of her role as a fashion model, and we reach the face, she confirms that she has never had any work done on it, while many of her age have. 'I haven't had the time,' she jokes. Then she adds: 'If you want an explanation, you would have to meet my mother. She is 98. It's genetic.'" [Times Of London]
• Edward Norton will play The Hulk in the Avengers movie. Norton says: "The thing about [Marvel's] universe that's fun is that it all cross-pollinates. Even when I was working on the script [for 'The Incredible Hulk'], I tried to plug in the whole Super-Soldier Serum from Captain America." [MTV News]
• "Olivia Newton-John claims to have seen UFO." [Telegraph]
• Justin Guarini, whose nose job nose is kind of insane, is getting married this weekend in a "spiritual," "intimate" service, which means Kelly Clarkson probably won't be there. [Prz]
• Brigitte Bardot is about to turn 75, and this column "reveals a life lived between bed and bedlam." [Daily Mail]
• Redmond O'Neal has been moved from jail to a an in-patient drug rehab facility. [People]
• Charles Manson follower Susan Atkins, who admitted killing actress Sharon Tate 40 years ago, has died. [NY Post]
• "As ailing showbiz mogul Dick Clark prepares to celebrate his 80th birthday in November, a new documentary threatens to tarnish his image by recounting his controversial beginnings." One word: Payola. [Reuters]
• "Richard Pryor's two children say they were never told their late father set up a trust for them…" [TMZ]
• "I haven't watched Vampire Diaries. And I haven't seen Twilight either." — True Blood's Stephen Moyer. [E!]
• "I think that by understanding Chanel's character and different sources of inspiration, you understand the rest of her life." — Audrey Tautou. [WSJ]
• "It's the first time that I really want to have kids. I've been very fortunate in my career, and my life has been about that for so long that you get bored of it. You're ready for your life to be about other people and other things." — Vince Vaughn, recently engaged... Will this turn into another "poor Jennifer Aniston" story? [People]
• "I wanna eat my potatoes and French fries and sponge cakes. When I play a role like this, I can't have my carbs and it makes me crazy." — Gerard Butler. [E!]
• "It's odd for my kids when they turn up at the theater and see me being a parent in a film. I know they're thinking, 'Who are these kids that are around my dad?' But they seem OK with it. Actually, my girls completely boss me. I have no power in my house whatsoever. I am the geek of my household. I am so low-status in my house, you wouldn't believe it. I'm definitely not treated like a movie star." — Clive Owen, who plays a widower dad in his new film The Boys Are Back. [Parade]
• "I love playing Peggy [Olson]. Finding the balance between playing her, finding new things, and not losing her, and constantly finding enough new stuff to keep her remaining herself…Playing her is an exercise in remaining simple, despite the fact that she is becoming more complicated. [She's] not out to hut anyone, she's just trying to figure out who she is. But it still is agenda-free. She is looking for her place in the world." — Elisabeth Moss, who is on the September cover of Vanice magazine. [JustJared]
• "Hitler was a genius orator. To make that many people turn and change and hate, he had to be a showman and he was." — Michael Jackson, on Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's tapes, which are now a book. [Daily Mail]
• Michael Jackson was asked by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, "Is there a lot of jealousy in your profession?" "Absolutely," Jackson says, "and 'M' is one of them. Madonna." [Page Six]
• "We're more in love than ever. It's great." — Patricia Arquette, who filed for divorce from husband Thomas Jane earlier this year but is now back with him. [People]
• "Atheism has been on the rise for years now, and the Bible of the atheists is [Darwin's] The Origin of Species. We have a situation in our country where young people are entering college with a belief in God and exiting with that faith being stripped and shredded. What we want to do is have student make an informed, educated decision before they chuck their faith.… I am proud to bring this to people's attention. You see things in the world that are truly distressing and you think, 'What can I do?' Well this is something I can do." — Kirk Cameron. [People]

• Oh Christ: Jennifer Aniston "burst into tears in her trailer" while filming in New York.

The "unlucky-in-love actress" was late coming out of her trailer while filming The Bounty a few weeks ago, and allegedly tearfully said to an assistant: "I need a moment. This scene reminds me of Brad and me." A source says: "While she enjoyed flirting with Gerard on set and put a brave face on every day, privately she is still very fragile." Eyeroll! (Note: Her rep says this story is "ridiculous… it never happened.") [Page Six]

• By the by, Jennifer Aniston went to see Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig in A Steady Rain on Broadway on Tuesday. [Gatecrasher]
• Samantha Burke, who had a dalliance with Jude Law, gave birth yesterday in Florida. [Page Six]
• What the what? Renée Zellweger is not going to gain a bunch of weight for the third Bridget Jones flick? A source says she will wear a fat suit, out of concern about the health effects of quickly putting and then losing 30 lbs. [MSNBC]
• Katherine Heigl made the news of her adoption public the same day Ellen Pompeo gave birth to a daughter of her own, and a source says: "It looks like they were trying to one-up one another." There's something very Penelope about this: "Well my kid was born earlier than yours, and is already at Harvard, so…" [Page Six]
• John Travolta took the stand yesterday, admitting that his son Jett was autistic and suffered from a seizure disorder — having seizures every five to 10 days. [MSNBC]
• Travolta also said that the ambulance took 40 minutes to reach his son, and by the time his son got to the emergency room, he was not alive. [NY Post]
• The alleged extortionists in the John Travolta case have been caught on video haggling over money; their lawyers will try to get the videotape thrown out of court on the grounds it was illegally recorded. [TMZ]
• Lily Allen: Quitting the music biz. She blogged: "Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record (applause). I do however remain a fan of new music, so this is not some selfish crusade. The days of me making money from recording music has been and gone as far as I'm concerned, so I don't (at this point) stand to profit from legislation… If you can't sell your music, you can't go on. It's that simple." [Digital Spy]
• Lily Allen will concentrate on acting; she will be in a production of Neil LaBute's play Reasons To Be Pretty in London's West End. [Daily Mail]
• Photos of Kelly Bensimon will be in Playboy. A source says: "Kelly is telling everyone that she might be on the cover." The snaps were taken years ago by Kelly's ex, Gilles Bensimon, but a source says: "They're sexy, but they won't set the world on fire." [Page Six]
• Mackenzie Phillips has revealed shocking details of her relationship with her father, and John Phillips' ex wife, Michelle Phillips (who was in the Mamas & The Papas), says: "Mackenzie has a lot of mental illness. She's had a needle stuck up her arm for 35 years. She was arrested for heroin and coke just recently… The whole thing is timed. Mackenzie is jealous of her siblings, who have accomplished a lot and did not become drug addicts." But Michelle Phillips daughter, Chynna Phillips, who is Mackenzie's half sister, says: "After long nights of heroin use, (Mackenzie is) claiming that she once woke up and that my father was on top of her having sex with her. Was he actually raping her? I don't know. Do I believe that they had an incestuous relationship and that it went on for 10 years? Yes." [MSNBC]
• Christina Aguilera recently traveled to Guatemala with the World Food Programme to see the impact of hunger; . Guatemala has the fourth highest child malnutrition rate in the world. Christina says: "WFP urgently needs donations to keep feeding some 150,000  women and undernourished children – I want to raise awareness and open people's eyes so they can get the funds they need to keep on working… One of the biggest lessons I'm taking away from this trip is the importance of healthy food. If a child under two doesn't get the nutrients they need, we can never fix the damage later on." [WFP]
• Kirsten Dunst will testify today against a man accused of burglarizing her hotel room. [NY Daily News]
• Kanye West is being prosecuted for breaking a paparazzi's camera at LAX last September; last Friday, his lawyer went to the judge and pushed back the hearing until late October. Is he still trying to keep a low profile? [TMZ]
• Hmm: Kanye West has posted a video promoting his "Fame Kills" tour with Lady Gaga. So maybe the tour is on after all. [KanyeUniverseCity]
• "First new Michael Jackson song set for release; posthumous single 'This Is It' to hit airwaves" [Gatecrasher]
• Macy Gray was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars and was too distraught to go on Jimmy Kimmel Live afterward, like most eliminated contestants do. Her partner, Jonathan Roberts says: "She put her whole heart into the show. She feels like she let her fans down." [ET]
• Real NYU students find Gossip Girl's version of NYU laughable. [NY Post]
• Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan: Still on. [Page Six]
• Eva Longoria Parker says she wants to go back to school and enroll in a master's program in Chicano studies and political science to learn more about her Mexican roots. She's a Texas native, but her family is originally from the northern Mexican city of Monterrey. [AP]
• In the Anna Nicole Smith case, search warrant affidavits suggest Howard K. Stern put his name on prescriptions for drugs that were given to Smith, and claim that a total of 44 different medications were prescribed for Smith under a number of other names, including Stern's. [NY Post]
• Remember how Suzanne Somers said that Patrick Swayze should have fought his cancer "nutritionally"? Whoopi Goldberg didn't like that, and says: "Patrick did everything and went everywhere to try and stay healthy as long as he could. That he's been gone a week and this statement came out is bad timing and bad taste and Suzanne, you should know better." Now Suzanne says: "In a casual conversation at a private party (with someone who never identified himself as a reporter) at the Toronto Film Festival last week, I was asked about this beloved actor. It was never my intention to make an official statement about his passing. I was not informed or aware I was being interviewed. I would never have been so insensitive as to offer a public statement so close to his untimely passing. I sincerely apologize if my comment has caused any additional pain to his family during this difficult time. I send my deepest condolences for their loss." [Perez]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jennifer Jason Leigh is pregnant; she and director husband Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale) are expecting a baby in March. [ONTD via National Enquirer]
• Michael Moore stirred up trouble on Good Morning America yesterday, exposing the stripped rights of permalancers. [NY Post]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch was denied his request to serve the remaining weeks of his sentence for tax evasion in home confinement. He'll have to stay in jail. [USA Today]
• "Phyllida Law, mother of the actress Emma Thompson, has had her stolen gargoyles returned two years after they were stolen after announcing she had put a curse on the thieves." [Telegraph]
• Q: How traumatic is it for you to not be wearing tights and poofy britches?
  A: "It's very easy. I do miss sliding off the back of a horse, but apart from that it's all good. It's actually rather wonderful running around, blazing a Glock on my hip." — Joseph Fiennes on his new show, FlashForward. [Washington Post]
• "I'm a bit scared of being single and scared of getting into another relationship, but I'm married to my work right now." — Natalie Imbruglia, who split from husband Daniel Johns in January 2008. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I took a couple years off and, during that time, I felt like I wanted to know what was important to me, what I really loved and what I was interested in. And if I even wanted to make films anymore. I felt I had done what I had to do. I contemplated being a hermit. I went to a distant mountain top that you could only walk to. No electricity. No water. I spent about five days there and thought, 'This is fantastic. Maybe I am a hermit.' " — Jane Campion, on life after her 2003 film In The Cut, which critics panned. [USA Today]
• "Once I got the part, I did some work with a coach. Everybody else in the show is doing a modern Southern accent and I wanted something old-fashioned. There are no contractions. Bill never says can't or won't. It's always, 'I did not want you to do that,' which is funny because you then find yourself doing it in everyday life, saying things like, 'I cannot stand pains aux raisins.'" — Stephen Moyer on his True Blood character. [Telegraph]
• "I am fine — happy and healthy. It's irresponsible when people obsess about my shape and size. I appreciate there are young girls and women who look at me as a role model and it is untrue to say I do not eat and I am unhealthy. 'I have a healthy diet, a healthy lifestyle and plenty of energy to run after my three energetic boys and travel the world managing my fashion business." — Victoria Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "We did have a few moments of friction when we were tired or after a long day of shooting. [Jennifer Grey] seemed particularly emotional, sometimes bursting into tears if someone criticized her. Other times, she slipped into silly moods, forcing us to do scenes over and over again when she'd start laughing. I was on overdrive for the whole shoot - staying up all night to do rewrites, squeezing in dance rehearsals, shooting various scenes - and was exhausted a lot of the time. I didn't have a whole lot of patience for doing multiple retakes. It was horrifyingly, hypothermically cold in that lake, and we filmed that scene over and over. And despite the fact that Jennifer was very light, when you're lifting someone in water, even the skinniest little girl can feel like 500 pounds." — Memories of making Dirty Dancing, from Patrick Swayze's memoir. [Gatecrasher]