I'm guessing Sandra Lee was troubled by the somewhat minimal adoption of the "snowflake" motif, complete lack of tablescapes, and sought to remedy things with her choice of gown.


Hillary Gumbel, meanwhile, did Grecian Winter Wonderland.


Can I tell you how much I love that Lauren Bush is rocking the eccentric Italian widow from a Fellini film look? (The bag, one supposes, is Unicef-related.)


Wonder what her cousin Jenna thinks? Gotta say, she's looking understated-holiday chic.


As for Barbara (with a classically-clad Maggie Betts ), that icy smile really says it all.


Alicia Blythewood does classic 60's benefit - complete with cruel under-arm abrasion.


Deborah Roberts may get the prize for best holiday-ball attire: can you beat metallic brocade for classic regal and sheer weight?


Ok, her or Gillian Miniter.


Annette Lauer: ready for the Ascotte Gavotte, the licorice candy stick, the 80s and, apparently, the charity ball.


Model Dayle Haddon has that deer-in-a-headlights look of one in a classic Marilyn gown and a miniature bag.


I know how Muffie Potter Aston feels: I'm always the gnome in pix, even when the other isn't as tall as Somers Farkas. Well, except for feeling like a full-time socialite in shantung benefit-wear, that is.


Singer Chrisette Michele's pompadour and Lillian Russell silhouette make for a pleasantly retro bombshell effect, no?
that is.


David Duchovny's all, "I'm a sex addict, get me out of here!" Tea Leoni's all, "not a chance."

[Images via Getty]

The letter is actually very sweet; it makes the White House sound like the most magical place to grow up, full of both history and possibility. Jenna and Barbara remember what it was like to first enter the White House at age seven, and then return again at age 18. They reminisce on the vacations spent in DC, the years they spent playing house in the East sitting room and staging plays in the grand ballroom. They offer some advice to Sasha and Malia from “two sisters who have stood where you will stand and who have lived where you will live,” including:

If you're traveling with your parents over Halloween, don't let it stop you from doing what you would normally do. Dress up in some imaginative, elaborate costume (if you are like us a pack of Juicy Fruit and a Vampiress) and trick-or-treat down the plane aisle.

And:

If you ever need a hug, go find Ramsey. If you want to talk football, look for Buddy. And, if you just need a smile, look for "Smiley."

And what may be the best advice:

Go to anything and everything you possibly can: the Kennedy Center for theater, State Dinners, Christmas parties (the White House staff party is our favorite!), museum openings, arrival ceremonies, and walks around the monuments. Just go. Four years goes by so fast, so absorb it all, enjoy it all!

Sasha and Malia are going to grow up in the public eye, facing constant scrutiny and receiving more attention than they are probably ready for. We have only just seen the beginning of this with the media madness surrounding their first day of school. However, this letter is refreshingly not about that. On such an exciting day, it seems right that Jenna and Barbara are cautioning the Obama girls on how to be kids living in the White House, and how to fully enjoy their father’s historic presidency without losing sight of the magic of their surroundings.

Playing House in the White House [WSJ]

• Though Laura did admit she disagreed with George about abortion, like Daum says, don't expect her to publicly bash most of what George did in office. She's clearly a very loyal wife, and I think has too much of a sense of decorum to disavow her husband's disastrous Presidency.
• Do expect her to talk more about the good work she did in the White House, like her initiatives on education, books, and women's health.
• Don't expect her to dish too much dirt on her daughters, Jenna and Barbara. Though there may be a warm or irreverent anecdote or two, like when Laura told her biographer Ann Gerhart about how "then-20-year-old Jenna Bush call[ed] her father right before he was to deliver the post-9/11 State of the Union address to announce she'd lost the sticker for her car," Laura will not be talking about that time Jenna got arrested for underage drinking.
• Do expect her to throw at least one curve ball. I would wager that she dishes about one of two things. 1. the tragic car accident she got into as a 17-year-old girl. Laura hit another car being driven by a classmate of hers and he died in the crash. She allegedly had a crush on the guy. 2. George's alcoholism. Everyone already knows that George used to be a huge lush and then found Jesus. She may reveal her reaction to George's substance abuse, because it's just adding emotional content to something that's widely known already.
• Don't expect her to reveal overmuch about the inner workings of her husband's administration. She'll probably talk about 9/11 and the events surrounding it, but the only secrets from inside the White House we'll get from Laura will likely be about draperies.

Of course, it's possible I've misjudged the situation. Maybe Laura's fed up enough to go rogue and write a bonkers tell-all where she discusses what George's lil' W looks like. Maybe it will have as much salacious detail as Sittenfeld's fictionalized interpretation of Laura, American Wife. Laura will be on Meet The Press this Sunday, and perhaps she'll give us a little taste of her autobiographical naughties. What would you like to hear Laura reveal in her forthcoming memoir?

Laura Bush Confirms She's Shopping A Book Proposal [USA Today]
Bushes' Books [LA Times]
The Perfect Wife: The Life and Choices of Laura Bush [Amazon]
Why I Love Laura Bush [Salon]
On The Sunday Shows [Time]

Earlier: Social Awkwardness, Long Odds & Sarah Palin: A Chat With Curtis Sittenfeld

• Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated: Dunzo. He's left her for a German model; she's admitted that it was never going to last and that they were "only together for sex." Keep in mind that this report comes from a terribly disreputable paper. [News Of The World, Page Six]
• By the by, Blake Fielder-Civil's jail sentence appeal was refused by two judges. [The Sun]
• "Impeccable" sources say Guy Ritchie is banking $70 million of Madonna's money as part of the divorce settlement. That kind of cash will buy a lot of rounds at the pub! [Perez Hilton]
• Oy, Alex Rodriguez is a "Kabbalah school dropout." Madonna will not be happy about this. [MSNBC]
• That was quick: Michael Jackson has settled his court case in which be was being sued by a sheikh. [BBC News]
• Bloody hell. The Twilight sequel has been greenlit. [UPI]

• Brad and Angelina's family is just as cute and perfect in real life as they claim to be. [Page Six]
• OMG Barbara and Jenna Bush helped take Sasha and Malia Obama on a tour of the White House and all of the girls totally jumped on the beds! Says Laura Bush: "They're really tall beds; you need to get a running start." [People]
• Will Leona Lewis team up with Beyoncé and Jay-Z for Barack Obama's inauguration concert? [The Sun]
• Larry Rudolph, Britney Spears' longtime manager, discusses her documentary: "There just came a moment where she decided to get up, brush herself off and move forward. She had hit a low point in her life. She realized that and everybody else realized that. She wanted to get to a better place." Plus, there's A clip! [LA Times]
• Britney made an unexpected appearance in court Friday for a hearing on her ongoing conservatorship. [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Alba ate Nutella crepes at a downtown Manhattan restaurant, where the staff said the meal was "on the house," so she left a $200 tip. Classy. [Page Six]
• In this in-depth piece about Nicole Kidman, we learn that while Keith Urban is on tour and Nic rides around in the tour bus, "She likes to sneak away and go to people's garage sales. 'All I need is a hat, and I go,' she says. She bought little ceramic candle holders at one sale, she says, and embroidered Christmas stockings at another, 'when it wasn't anywhere near Christmastime. I love it.'" [Washington Post]
• Johnny Depp's movie took over a highway in Wisconsin; the detour traffic made a road collapse. Whoops! [AP]
• Ooh: Today is the day that Boy George is due to stand trial; he's accused of assaulting and falsely imprisoning a male escort. [The Star]
• How do people in the Bronx feel about the name Ashlee and Pete Wentz chose for their baby boy? Not impressed. [NY Times]
• "Bronx is beyond precious. I'm over the moon with joy," says Jessica Simpson. "Life is a beautiful miracle. Ashlee and Pete are healthy, happy and enjoying every moment." Cool, cool. Do people really say "over the moon"??? [UPI]
• Nicolette Sheridan, who ended her engagement to Michael Bolton about three months ago, was seen making out with "Hollywood Lothario" David Spade Friday night. Just let that image settle in. [Star]
• Even though Michael Phelps has professed his love for McDonald's, he has a deal promoting Subway. How did the sandwich chain land the deal? [AdAge]
• Illeana Douglas has a (laminated) message for the paparazzi, you should click and see. [DListed]
• Pleasure principle: Janet Jackson is going to take a break from music to focus on having a baby with her boyfriend Jermane Dupri. [Daily Express]
• The economy takes no prisoners: The Tyra Banks Show is moving to the CW's afternoon block after being in syndication for four seasons. Stations have been making budget cuts, so Tyra's production schedule will be cut to 26 weeks from 34. [Reuters]
• Natasha McElhone says her mission now, besides acting and providing for her family, is to complete some of the work her late husband, a doctor, began: "to finish his life, to finish his unfinished business." [LA Times]
• In this interview with Stephen Colbert, he discusses meeting Eleanor Holmes Norton (the District's delegate in Congress): "I felt so dirty. I felt like a piece of meat. I find being a piece of meat very exciting. In my last life, I think I was a veal cutlet." [Washington Post]
• Paris Hilton has been "constantly texting" Benji Madden and trying to show up at clubs where he is supposed to be. [Mirror]
• You can buy a silk couch owned by Jenna Jameson on eBay if you have $9,500 to spare. It's pearl gray. [DListed]
• Even though the economy is in the crapper, there's stuff celebrities won't give up: Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss needs her coffee; Jessica Biel must travel first class; Hilary Swank gets facials; supermodel/ANTM judge Twiggy must have pink Champagne, and much more [WWD]
• Dora The Explorer is getting a new voice: Will kids notice? [Page Six]
• Blind items: 1. Which ex-couple — an actor and a model — still share some aspects of their sex life? Both are known to sleep with a famous Lower East Side topless dancer who has a reputation of never going home alone. 2. Which TV host has such good rapport with his fetching female co-host that his wife has correctly guessed they're having an affair? [Page Six]
• No Doubt: On tour, summer 2009. [People]
• Ben Stiller and Chris Rock: "Israel is better than Hollywood." [AP]
• Dita Von Teese is suing Macmillan Publishers, which printed Patti O'Shea's In Twilight's Shadow, a paranormal romance novel about demon hunting. For some reason, Dita's face is on the cover. She certainly did not give permission. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Now that the Daily Mail has apologized to David Duchovny for printing a story about him having an affair with his tennis instructor, Duchovny's dropped his $1 million lawsuit. [E!]
• Travis Barker is suing the owner and makers of the "defective" Learject that crashed September 19, killing four and leaving him and DJ AM with severe burns. [Yahoo News via E!]
• So you know how Michael Lohan — Lindsay's dad — was going to box for charity? The parole board has stepped in, saying the boxing match can't happen because he spent 20 months in prison for attempted assault. Whoops! [Yahoo News]
• Will the Golden Globes not happen again this year? Last year is was a writers' strike; this year a Screen Actors Guild strike could cancel the event. [Fox News]
• Hollywood veterans and experts from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are spending $25 million on a lab called The Centre for Future Storytelling. Matt Damon is involved. [Times Of London]
• Lily Allen sought therapy after her miscarriage: "I was in a very, very dark place after the whole thing happened. That was the toughest thing I've had to go through in my life. [Therapy] is really, really helping me. I feel it's getting better and everything's going to be OK." [Mirror]
• Crazy stuff in this Q&A with Quincy Jones: His dad worked as a carpenter for the black mob, and in 1974 Q had two brain aneurysms. Oh, and Q talks about Frank Sinatra: "[He] was one of those guys where he liked you or he didn't. I got to know the Frank that nobody wrote about, the guy who visited Billie Holiday in the hospital to make sure her bills were paid and who took care of Amos and Andy when they were down on their luck. He was a stand-up guy who didn't see color, and that was rare back then." [Newsweek]
• Padma Lakshmi went to see the Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl dragged her on stage; she ended up playing tambourine with the band and getting hit on by Taylor Hawkins. [Page Six]
• Meg Ryan's Bel-Air house is for sale, if you have $19.5 million to spare. You get 6,877 square feet, a pool, spa, and guest house. [TMZ]
• Cedric the Entertainer may not be the obvious first choice for a Broadway drama, but he's getting good buzz for being in the David Mamet play American Buffalo. [NY Times]
• Cops are looking for a "Casanova conman" who claims links to Heath Ledger, Robert De Niro and Keith Urban and has left broken hearts and empty wallets across Australia. [News.com.au]
• Wow. A Keith Richards easy listening album. With a jazz version of "Over The Rainbow. Wow. [Telegraph]
• A doozy of a headline: "Camilla Admits To 'Letting Herself Go' Since She Married Charles... And Vows To Take Up Tai Chi As A New Year's Resolution." Lulz. [Daily Mail]
  
• Warren Beatty is suing over the rights to comic strip detective Dick Tracy. Apparently he's working on a Dick Tracy TV special? Who knew? [Reuters]
• Paul Newman's will was made public and he left his personal property, including real estate, to his wife, Joanne Woodward. His Oscars and other awards went to the Newman's Own Foundation; his airplane and race cars will be sold, with proceeds going to his estate. [AP]
• A Smashing Pumpkins show has been postponed; Billy Corgan's sick! [UPI]
• Billy Zane's parents closed down the Chicago med school they owned, leaving some students in the lurch. [UPI]
• Enya: Might tour for the first time ever. [Reuters]
• Oh, good (oh God?): The Vatican's newspaper has finally forgiven John Lennon for declaring that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ. Plus, The paper says the Beatles made music that is better than "standardized, stereotypical" songs being produced today. [Reuters, AP]
• Speaking of the Beatles, Paul McCartney says his conflict with John Lennon was over before the singer was shot. [UPI]
• investigators say Olivia Newton-John's missing boyfriend probably drowned while on a fishing trip. [News.com.au]
• A man who waved Samurai swords at a Hollywood Scientology building had a "previous relationship" to the church; he was shot and killed by a security guard. [AP]
• Rocker Bryan Ferry is dating his son's ex-girlfriend. The Roxy Music star is 63; the lady in question is 27 and his son is 22. A "pal" says the lady had fling with the son about 5 years ago. Yuck. [The Sun]
• Jodie Sweetin has filed for legal separation from her husband but is "trying to stay positive for Zoie," their 7-month-old daughter. [People]
• Why is a letter Princess Diana wrote to her royal footman on her honeymoon up for sale? And how sad is it that she mentions how "terribly lonely" she is? [Daily Mail]
• Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster are trying for a baby. Yeah, he's 63, so what? [Mirror]
• "Ever since her Oscar nomination, Sophie Okonedo has been offered plenty of 'mini-skirted girlfriend' parts. But she'd much rather stay home and do nothing." [Telegraph]
• Blackadder: a Christmas comeback. [The Star]
• A New York rabbi paid $2500 at an auction to go out with ice skating queen Oksana Baiul. He says: "Well, I'm single, it's for charity, and she seems like a nice Jewish girl. I guess I'm the luckiest guy in my congregation." [Page Six]
• "My son would have been at that rally in Chicago when the first African- American president was elected, and I'm sure he would have gone up onstage and grabbed the microphone as only he could." — Ol' Dirty Bastard's mom. [Page Six]
• "I got drunk and lied to him. I said 'I've lost my keys and I can't wake my mum. Can I stay on your sofa?' He went to brush his teeth. I took my clothes off and jumped in his bed. It's the only way I can ever get together with people." — Lily Allen on her seduction technique. [Mirror]
• "I laugh when people say we don't get on. Of course we row. But we are best friends as well as partners. I don't think we'd know what to do without each other." — Kate "Jordan" Price on her relationship with her husband, Peter Andre. [The Sun]
• "Axl's a friend, and I don't want to compromise that. But as for 'fun' crazy: He wrote his (half) brother, Stuart, a $25,000 check every day to throw these lavish theme parties. It was like, we're in Indianapolis, so there were Formula One cars everywhere, with all the girls dressed up in pit-crew uniforms. It was decadence at the highest level I'd ever seen, a Caligula kind of outlandishness. There were orgies, sure. Was I involved? Yes. Well, I was in the same room — we'll leave it at that." — Lars Ulrich on being on tour with Axl Rose and Guns N Roses back in the day. [Perez Hilton]
• "Something else comes out of you when you become a parent and, as you get older, you start to see more character in your face. Now, when I look at myself, I just see somebody at peace, and I see a mom, and I see my own relatives in my face – and that’s a kind of beauty that exists for everybody and doesn’t disappear." — Angelina Jolie. [Daily Mail]

The book she is planning on "authoring" will be a picture book, aimed at children, and will hit bookstores just in time for the Republican National Convention, of course. Meghan says:

This book will offer children the unique opportunity to see the character building events that happened over his lifetime, experiences that led up to his current bid to become the future president of the United States.

Oh, gag.

While publisher Simon & Schuster won't disclose the financial arrangements they have with Meghan, they have promised to donate a portion of the proceeds to the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund, a military and veterans charity. Meghan, however, has no such plans at this time. Shiny hair doesn't pay for itself.

John McCain's Daughter Is Writing Children's Book [AP]

By the end of a season spent viewing the most thought-provoking and revelatory and turnout-generating political showdown in recent history transpire between a black man and a woman, few but the likes of Pat Buchanan, one of Nixonland's most heinously cynical architects, and Schlafly surrogates like Charlotte Allen seemed willing to cling without reservations to the scraps of angry white male ideology that has so laid waste to this once greatness-aspiring society. More people changed or were encouraged to entertain changing their minds during this marathon primary than in any political campaign my generation has seen, so for that, thanks Hillary. Who knows, the country may even be ready to vote for the both of you now.

MOE: Okay I cannot tell you how much I read and forgot last night while trying to get to sleep. And then a fucking earthquake came and toppled a thousand cell phone towers and trapped 900 high school students in school and if it's anything like the 1976 earthquake of a slightly lower Richter 240,000 people stand to die.
MOE: Did you also read how in Burma they are counting the survivors because it's easier than counting the dead? I guess the death toll there is supposed to reach 100,000...
MOE: But the Most Emailed story is this thought provoking Tom Friedman column.
MEGAN: That was last week, before the military decided that all the food was for them. So, I think we can safely assume that the total survival rate will be about equal to the members of the junta, the military and their families, since apparently everyone else is just supposed to die quietly and let the soldiers dump their bloated bodies in waterways so no one knows.
MEGAN: Fucking Tom Friedman.
8:55 AM
MOE:

That restriction has angered local government officials like Tin Win who are trying to help rebuild the lives of villagers. He twitched with rage as he described the rice the military gave him.

"They gave us four bags," he said. "The rice is rotten — even the pigs and dogs wouldn't eat it."

He said the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees had delivered good rice to the local military leaders last week but they kept it for themselves and distributed the waterlogged, musty rice. "I'm very angry," he said, adding an expletive to describe the military.

"The government told us that school must reopen June 1, if you have a schoolhouse or not," Myint Oo told his visitor. "'Teach under a tree if you have to,' they said."

When he began describing the devastation to the school and village, a portly man in a white T-shirt who also seemed to hold a position of power interrupted.

"Don't tell these foreigners anything," the man said.

Myint Oo replied that he wanted to talk to the visitors in the hope that they could help rebuild the village.

"They will send the facts to the world and show the weakness of the Myanmar government," said the man in the white shirt.

"This is not just a new generation, but a new kind of generation...In the omphalocentric process of self-construction and discovery," today's youth "stalks love like a wary hunter, but has no time or target — not even the mellowing Communists — for hate."

MEGAN: Maybe he can talk about how he held the Metro system's budget hostage until they agreed to spend more than a million dollars to change all the signage in the system to reflect the full name of National Airport.
MEGAN: But to guarantee his ability to fuck over the Republican Party and my ability to have something interesting to write about, I would totally make my first political donation to him.
MOE: No Peggy is totes the weird answer to Maureen Dowd. Her prose is kind of hilarious, like the way she seems to go inside a dark room and close her eyes and meditate and return with a Very. Melodramatic. Assessment. Of the feelings and attitudes governing the political awareness of the American populace. I should have Maria do a Best Of Peggy I think. And does McCain really need Bob Barr undermining his campaign when he's got RON PAUL undermining it already?
MEGAN: Scroll down, by the way, for the picture of them standing in front of the Eiffel Tower with a Ron Paul sign. Crazy ass motherfuckers.
MOE: Also: didn't two McCain advisers just step down after admitting to representing the Burmese junta? (That might lose Laura Bush's vote.) McCain is kind of a lousy subject right now.
MOE: Here we go.

Doug Davenport, the regional campaign manager for the mid-Atlantic states, founded the DCI Group's lobbying practice and oversaw the contract with Myanmar in 2002.
"Doug has tendered his resignation and we have accepted it," Jill Hazelbaker, McCain's communications director, wrote in a e-mail.
He joins former DCI Group CEO Doug Goodyear, who resigned yesterday from the post of convention CEO after Newsweek reported that DCI was paid more than $300,000 to represent Myanmar's ruling junta.

The Democratic front-runner's wife did not comment on other rival candidates for the party's nomination, but she has been sniping at Clinton since last summer. According to Obama sources, those public utterances do not reveal the extent of her hostility.

A procedural hearing on Fossella's drunken-driving arrest - which ultimately exposed his double life - is slated for a Virginia courtroom Monday.

MEGAN: Ah, that's the brilliant thing! When he got pulled over for running a red light drunk, his excuse was that he was on his way to a friend's house, after which he admitted he was going to see his sick kid.
MEGAN: Only his official kids were in NY with his wife. And, OMG, they've been having an affair since at least 2003? Five years? Dude, what the fuck. Even Kennedy got a divorce.
MOE: Even Prince Charles got a divorce! Dude did we learn anything over the weekend about this minister who officiated the Jenna wedding?
MEGAN: He's an Obama supporter who also does weddings?

• "It's out of control. There's always a different boy and everyone is worried he's going to pull a Halston." That's an anonymous friend of Marc Jacobs on the increasingly-erratic fashion designer. [Page Six]
  
• Ouch: David Lauren was not invited to his girlfriend (of three years) Lauren Bush's cousin Jenna's wedding. You know, Jenna Bush: Daughter of the POTUS. Apparently the Bush clan think David is too old for Lauren. Oh, and also too Jewish? Awkward. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Kristin Davis is pissed about the injustices she faced making the Sex and the City movie: "It's in the contract that we get to keep our outfits, which is a fantastic thing, except that, for me, all of my outfits were samples. I kept my running pants, which I love and wear them a lot, but I was like, Where are my clothes?" [E!]

• Blondes need not apply to model for the lookbook for Lindsay Lohan's new leggings line. [Perez Hilton]
• God is dead: Perez Hilton is getting his own clothing line. For Hot Topic. [Celebitchy]
• The New York Giants' Super Bowl Championship ring was designed by their defensive end Michael Strahan, who told jewelers at Tiffany's he wanted a "Ten-table ring": "When I walk into a restaurant, I want you to be able to see it from 10 tables away." Um, thanks but no. [WWD, 1st item]
• And what does Giorgio Armani think about paying the most in taxes in all of Italy? "I was on a beach when I heard that. I'm not concerned with it." [NYDaily News]
• Cindy Crawford: Regrets, she has some: ""I regret that I wasn't wilder," she says. "I was working and I was nervous. I was the one in the corner with the book, being responsible. I can be wild now. I'll sometimes dance on a table for my husband and his friends. But not naked - those days are gone." [Vogue UK]
• China's latest offense: The exportation of fake Nikes. [LATimes]
• Harper's Bazaar editor-in-chief Glenda Bailey says that her permanent plus one Steven Sumner says she was only awarded with an Officer of the British Empire award because, "I shop for Britain. He thinks OBE stands for 'Owns Bloody Everything.'" [WWD, 4th item]
• It's so hard to be Diane Kruger. Of the goings-on after the Met Costume Institute Gala, she says, "I went to that party at Phillipe, which was way too overcrowded, so I headed down to Bungalow, where I danced with Christian Louboutin. That was fun!" [Fashion Week Daily]
• Eva Mendes: Pics of her topless in Italian Vogue here. [Egotastic]
• Donatella Versace is still trying to tell anyone who will listen that her girl Hillary Clinton should wear a dress. [Page Six]
• Karl Lagerfeld's handbag and luggage line is inspired by...Karl Lagerfeld. [Vogue UK]
• Fergie's daughter Princess Beatrice is working at Selfridge's department store during her gap year between high school and uni. How pleb of her. [Telegraph]
• Hermes: Sales up 13.4%. Good for them? [WWD, sub req'd]

• Laura Bush gave a speech about Burma a.k.a. Myanmar and disaster preparedness and Jenna's wedding. Her lipstick was very well-applied. More than 10,000 people may die as a result of the cyclone. Harry built a limestone altar in Texas especially for the wedding. It will be "permanent" in contrast to many of the structures in Myanmar, where limestone and most other things are in short supply. The ruling junta is holding a referendum this weekend to solidify its control of their dirt- poor, isolated disaster zone and I guess this means they win. Governments that are more efficient when it comes to killing citizens than warning about floods always win in the short term. And also the medium term. [Huffington Post]
  
• Hey, speaking of nuptials/Third World personalities! Mariane Pearl might be Angelina Jolie's maid of honor. [Times Of India]
  
• The primary was so ugly, John and Cindy McCain couldn't bring themselves to vote for a candidate in 2000. [Huffington Post]
  
• Kind of similar situation with John and Elizabeth Edwards and Hillary and Obama. [TPM]

• A nun says Catholics like Hillary Clinton because they want to stick it to the Catholic Church for being so sexist. [Slate]
• Do you ever think how maybe back in the eighties Michelle Obama made a pact with Jeremiah Wright and Louis Farrakhan and Stokley Carmichael aka Kwame Toure to groom a charismatic neo Malcolm X figure only so they could later sacrifice him when he became too powerful and universally respected like something out of Malcolm X or like the Bible? Me neither, but that's sort of what Chris Hitchens seems to be saying. [Slate]
• The Rush Limbaugh Hillary Clinton lovefest is kind of cute in that sickening way true love is always kind of sickening. [Rush]
• Oh great now Germany is getting our jobs? [Indy Star]
• If you haven't been on food stamps or some other form of welfare yet you might as well go out tonight and pair an extravagant meal with an expensive bottle of wine because in all likelihood you are someday going to be impoverished, friends; just know it happens to the best 75% of us. [UPI]

She's got a boring hedge fund job, she worked at McKinsey before that, she keeps herself discreet and reserved, she represses all outward signs of personality, she speaks in a very soft voice. Her hair is always well-highlighted and groomed. The best CD she owns is probably by Radiohead. We all know the type. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just not what we're looking for right now.

Too Solemn For Her Generation?
Hillary and Chlesea Clinton: The Teenage Years [Reuters]

As is Julie Nixon Eisenhower, who loved her dad but, when it came time to running his Library and looking after his legacy, decided it was a job best left to an independent body open to hard criticism and serious scrutiny than a small family controlled body of deluded loyalists. Julie has been giving money to Obama.

Patti Davis, the most famous dissenting political daughter, likes to actively advise candidates against trying to "live up" to her dad's legacy, but in her craziness/being named "Patti", Patti sort of made it look bad to be the "daughter who publicly dissents." Maybe Jenna can make it look cool again.

October 5:

November 6:

April 15:

We love the color, Jenna. But you don't need to wear "slimming" hues anymore! Enough with the dysmorphia!

April 20:
Oh, man, Jenna rocks the Faith Hill pose! I think she just might be that skinny. Now I feel like one of those people who monitors celebrity weight fluctuations! I wonder if she's on this "no-diet diet" I keep hearing about...

MEGAN: The Internet hates Crappy Hour!!

MOE: Oh my god! It's a miracle! You're here!

I'm the most hungover I have ever been

MEGAN: Wow, that's saying something. I'm just morning thirsty, but I might have a Target hangover...

MOE: I have a tequila/beer/whiskey hangover
it is amazing I am here
No nevermind
My fingers don't even work. that is normal

MEGAN: Whoa. Tequila and whiskey should never be mixed.

MOE: So...
HINDSIGHT

MEGAN: So, shall we kick it off with illegal passport searches?

MOE: I guess so. Should I scan in the passport from when I was 4 that i use to get into bars?
Yeah, so, Obama, what the fuck. I mean, what was it they expected to find?

MEGAN: He's a Muslimy Muslim from Muslimstan?

MOE: What if he's been to NORTH KOREA and SYRIA and RED CHINA and also YUCCA MOUNTAIN ????

MEGAN: OMG, he's NUCLEAR, people, NUCLEAR! Only without a nuclear family, so that must be like so bad.

MOE: no he totally has a NUCLEAR FAMILY
and they're PROLIFERATING

MEGAN: Nuclear nonproliferation is best, people.

MOE: ok, oh god, so. what the fuck. I'm like still drunk

MEGAN: And I'm actually caffeinated! This is obviously opposites day. Normally I'm the one whose fucking hungover and you've already had coffee.

So, like, what else is opposite?

MOE: I can barely drink coffee. Um, that stingray story is the opposite of boring!
MEGAN: OMG, this is why I don't go near beaches. Creepy.

Well, that and the fact that I'm ghost pale and hate being all hurty on my skin and having the world make fun of my sunburns.
MOE: The Bill Richardson endorsement was the opposite of what I expected.

MEGAN: I know! Rats, sinking ship, et al. Man, what must he have against Hillary? Why must the boys all gang up on her? It's MISOGYNY.
MOE: OH fuck
MEGAN: Oh, Jesus H. Christ. Also, that's the same publication that published that he was in the church on July 22nd when he wasn't.

MOE: Seriously, seriously I want to go back to bed now.
You think they just pulled that out of their asses?
MEGAN: No, sadly, I'm thinking they didn't.
MOE: That's the problem
MEGAN: Also, frankly, I'll admit, I stopped paying attention to the ins and outs of that particular intractable conflict like 7 years ago, aka, when I finished graduate school, so I'm sure there's refutable stuff in there because it's World Net Daily, but I cannot correctly identify it. But, overall, Obama does advocate dialogue, so it's probably more spun in a certain direction than actually completely wrong.

Sadly.
And, I think this is what happens when you run an anti-establishment campaign staffed with anti-establishment-y scholars. Fuck ups. Lots of 'em.
MOE: Oh yeah they say Obama loves Hamas and hates Israel and some aide of him named Malley is an anti-Semite

MEGAN: As a person of Irish descent, may I just stereotype my people and say: it does not surprise me that one of us would be an anti-Semite.
MOE: OH fuck it's Good Friday

I haven't eaten meat yet

Just cheese

MEGAN: My antidote to this day has been to youtube up some soothing music. And, since I don't celebrate it, hoorah! Steak for dinner!

Do you think there will be specials?
MOE: Maybe they will have Obama halal el sadr specials for people like you.

MEGAN: Or else they'll be full up with goddamn fish specials.
MOE: So that guy who just got fired from the McCain campaign for Twittering that video...

yeah I don't know where I was going with that. Just wanted to provide a link.
9:31 AM
Um, me and my roommate just sang the FreeCreditReport commercial in unison.

MEGAN: Twitter is evil! It's like gmail status, only worse. Like, for instance, a certain conservablogger I know who shall not be named but I know you hate has ended up as a gchat contact of mine, and encouraged everyone recently to be offended by us babykiller-bonerkillers promoting babykilling with a wire hanger necklace. And I almost sent it to you, but thought better of it.

OMG, I totally catch myself doing that and then realize that's the beginning of the descent into utter madness.

MOE: Oohhhhhhh I bet I know who you are talking about!

MEGAN: Shhhhhh.
MOE: I should have seen it coming at me like an atom bomb

MEGAN: Oh, fuck, like she reads this anyway? Certainly not that far into this.
I like the pirate one better than the car one, Free Credit Report.com people. Also, please never again let your actor do the white man's overbite and bob his head on camera ever again.

MOE: Yeah, no one is still reading now.

NO one.

MEGAN: Is it sad how we know this?

No, i have to say, ONE LONE COMMENTER (whyknot) apologized to me the other day for all the shitty white men in my life. So he's probably still reading.

MOE: Oh fuck, awesome scarf, Nancy Pelosi. She has the best scarves.
She like consulted the Dalai Lama on the color.
MEGAN: Why the fuck has Hillary Clinton not gone shopping with Nancy Pelosi? I mean, girl, please. You know you always pick out your most stylish friend and go shopping with her.

MOE: SO TRUE.

WTF HILLARY

MEGAN: Also, Hillary needs to embrace her curves and stop trying to hide her ass. YOUR ASS IS NOT A BAD THING>
MOE: Nancy has your best interests in mind.

MEGAN: It's only a bad thing in mom pants and overly long suit jackets.

MOE: Nancy Pelosi would not undermine.

MEGAN: I'll take you shopping!

No, Nancy would not undermine at all. She's be the one who'd be like, ummm, no, let's try these pants on you instead.
Also, Nordstroms or Needless Markup instead of Macys. It's not like Hillary can't afford nice suits.
And tailoring. Look into tailoring. I have a tailor because I am short and have a big butt, I cannot lie. Her name is Kathy and she's awesome and anyone who lives in DC can email me for her contact information.

MOE: Can we get back to Bill Richardson for a second though? Like, it takes you until practically April to realize Obama is a "once in a lifetime leader"? You don't really have the excuse of, like, not knowing he was until he started visiting your state...
Also did you read the thing on Meghan McCain?

MEGAN: Well, um, he was sorta busy growing the beard and probably getting all the strange he forewent on the campaign trail.
I did. Meghan, I'll repeat myself here on Jezebel if you didn't hear me the first time. Do NOT get a tramp stamp with McCain in an Olde English font. Just. Don't.

MOE: Also I want to point out I read this column at the deli this morning and snorted. Barack O'Bama...you have to be so hungover you're worse than drunk to enjoy that. But look, Drudge linked it!
OH, Meghan, get a fuckin BUTTERFLY on the small of your back if you want, I don't care.
MEGAN: No, please, make an effort not to be a girl cliche. For the good of the sisterhood.

Also, can I Hurt, Charles? NO MORE O'BAMA JOKES. They are not funny.
MOE: You voted for Kerry in '04 and are pretty much the best chance America has seen for a pro-life candidate's daughter needing to get an abortion in the White House since...well...I would have said Jenna Bush, but you know that motto of hers. "Be nice to each other and always use condoms." I bet Meghan doesn't always use condoms...speaking of, I like how she complains how she hasn't gotten laid and the only dudes who want to do her are investment bankers. She needs to become an Obama campaign Springtern!
MEGAN: Although, I have to say, I'm all for a First Daughter who runs on a platform of not fucking i-bankers. Run, Meghan, run! Preach!

(Even if you do have the "h" in your name).

• Did Hulk Hogan have an affair while he was still living with his wife, Linda? And was the woman he slept with a friend of his daughter, Brooke? [Perez Hilton]
  
• Nicole Richie's baby! On the cover of People! Cute! [People]
  
• Someone styled & shot Lindsay Lohan to look like a tired tranny hooker on the cover of Paper magazine. [The.Life Files]
  
• March 17: The date a judge will tell Sir Paul McCartney how many millions he has to give to ex Heather Mills. Mark your calendars! [Mirror]
  
• Is Amy Winehouse back on drugs? Friends say she feels rehab is turning her into "some sort of zombie with no emotion." She apparently says she feels "numb" and recently held a lighter over her hand and purposely burned her skin. Fuck. [The Sun]

• A court in Norway has postponed Amy's drug possession hearing. She was arrested there last October on charges of marijuana possession. She and Blake Incarcerated were due in court Friday, but Blake is due in court in the UK Friday, so he won't be able to make it. So many court dates, so little time. [USA Today]
• Gossip columnist Cindy Adams wrote that pregnant Nicole Kidman was drinking white wine backstage during the Oscars; Kidman's publicist, who was with Nicole backstage, says the beverage was tea and that Adams is "an idiot, and you can quote me." [News.com.au]
• Jenna Bush had a girls-only spa weekend bachelorette party in Boca Raton; her fiancé had a boys' weekend in Miami. [People]
• Jessica Simpson is traveling to Kuwait to "entertain" the troops. Just what they need. [People]
• High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale had a nose job in November; her recently released doll has her old nose. LOL. [MSNBC]
• Something is going on between Jonathan Jaxson of gossip site JJ's Dirt and Perez Hilton, but it's sort of too early to think about it. The gist: Sex tape in return for blogging help. "I fell in love with Perez. I thought he had a huge heart...but he's just a [bleep]hole," Jaxson says. YAWN. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba says she was called a slut in 6th grade because she had big boobs. That ain't right. [Page Six]
• Did Selma Blair and model boyfriend Matt Felker split because he came home and found her with another man? [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears went to the Betsey Johnson store on Melrose in L.A. and asked if they could copy a Dolce & Gabbana dress. They were all, "uh, no." So she bought the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window. [Gatecrasher]
• The LAPD is investigating suspected drugger/robber Sam Lutfi, though they won't come out and say it. [TMZ]
• Kevin Federline is turning 30 next month with a huge party in Las Vegas. Think Brit's invited? [People]
• Lynne Spears has been praising her ex-husband Jamie for taking control of Britney's troubled life. A family friend says, "He's gathered a team of reputable people who are around [Britney] now. She's not well, but for the first time in a long time she has people around her who really care about her." [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has shot a public service announcement for UNICEF to raise money for HIV prevention. [People]
• Is Kate Hudson trying to bag Justin Timberlake? A source says she has been "texting him nonstop." But she's also seeing Owen Wilson, apparently. So. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which TV vixen, based in L.A., spent a lot of the writers' strike downtime in New York City? Word is that she was cheating on her boyfriend with her girlfriend." [Gatecrasher]
• That diamond band, wedding-ish ring Ashlee Simpson's been wearing? "It's a promise ring," she says. From Pete Wentz, natch. [Rush & Molloy]
• Bill Cosby is hosting the Playboy Jazz Festival, if you care. What would Claire Huxtable say? [AP]
• Isaiah Washington was on Capitol Hill meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus and lobbying to preserve the history of an island known off the coast of Sierra Leone. [Politico]
• A judge won't let Ja Rule post bail for his homies, who are co-defendants in a gun possession case. [Yahoo News]
• Josh Hartnett: Forced to fly coach. [Page Six]
• Oooh, Ludacris, Thandie Newton and Gerard Butler star in the new Guy Ritchie movie! [Page Six]
• Boy George denies he kept a 28-year-old Norwegian dude handcuffed in his apartment. Do you really want to hurt me??? [Yahoo News]
• Naomi Campbell remains hospitalized in Brazil, though her doctor says she is "completely cured and walking." Be well! [Yahoo News]

MEGAN: i am sooooo sorry
MOE: NP.
MEGAN: there's also a taxi strike today. i actually wonder if they are blocking bridges
MOE: Happy Valentine's Day!
It's cool Jane Fonda said "cunt" on the Today Show! That bought us some extra time.
But not that much!
MEGAN: Whoa!
MOE: Anyway I decided that today we were going to do it free-association style
just for Valentine's Day.
No real agenda.
MEGAN: Someone this morning sent me an old link of Shepard SMith saying "blow job" on air, but yours is better.
MOE: Just some riffin on the whole politics makes strange fuckbuddies or whatever.
What's that sayign?
MEGAN: "Bedfellows," because Washington is so gay.
MOE: Airport bathrooms for the gays!
Srsly though I was just jokin.
I used to have this editor at my college paper.
Yochi Dreazen.
He was also my housemate for awhile.
But that's another story.
MEGAN: Aw, they should totally be decorated. Senators need love too.
MOE: Anyway Yochi Dreazen, whose full name "Yochanan" means Gift From God apparently, was allllways using those dumb little aphorisms as his story ledes. And it annoyed me. He was obsessed w. the strange bedfellows line. Now he works at the Wall Street Journal. I hope he is well! Shout out Yochi if you're listening! That story on the soldiers keeping the underground railroad of stray dogs in Iraq was a Tjerker for reals! Anyway.
Oh yes they do. Shout out to our troops! I sure hope they tell those kids in training camp that if there's one thing that will make their lives easier upon return from the warzone — besides Ecstasy — it's getting their wives and girlfriends really expensive vibrators before they leave.
But back to Valentine's Day!
Do you have plans?
MEGAN: Which is now your constitutional right! (Except in Mississippi).
MOE: Jesus Motherfucking love of Christ.
MEGAN: Um, well, my initial plan was to watch Resident Evil:Apocalypse with a bottle of red wine. But, now I'm meeting a friend of mine for wine first, in a place where they serve wine but not dinner in the hopes that DC women demand dinner on Valentines Day.
MOE: I didn't know Texas had a sex toy ban.
MEGAN: Texas and Alabama, and Mississippi.
Also, in Texas, the law said not only that the sale of them was illegal, but ALSO the gifting or sharing of them was. What the fuck goes on in the Texas legislature that they felt the need to regulate the sharing of sex toys?
MOE: Who fucking passes something like that? Nevermind. That's just insane. INSANE. I guess we should go look up the proceedings. I'm mad. And today is all about love. I wanted to talk to you about your all time fave Capitol Hill couplings! But first I suppose I should get the news out of the way: some Hezbollah guy was killed and waterboarding is illegal so no more of your crazy pranks, John McCain doesn't believe in earmarks, and...more hand-wringing about Hillary.
Oh yes and Larry Craig acted improperly.
MEGAN: I have a mark on my ear from an ill-considered piercing!
MOE: But he acted improperly in the name of love!
Or sex.
MEGAN: Yes, but not by trying to get some anonymous gay ass! Just by trying to withdraw his guilty plea. I love moral relativism.
The sex thingie was fine, it was everything he did after taking responsibility for his creepy actions that they had issues with.
[Side note: if you're curious, I have links to the relevant sex toy case documents here, but the link is very NSFW.]
MOE: Good to know so I can stab myself later. Can we talk about sex in Washington for a sec?
MEGAN: Yes! I'd like to have some sometime soon.
Or, do you mean cute couples?
MOE: Whatev! How do we feel about Jenna and Henry?
MEGAN: I think she's cute. He doesn't do anything for me, but he must really love her to have put up with Laura calling him not a serious boyfriend back in the day and all the picture-taking pressure and stuff.

• 1. Vera Wang: All I can think of when I see this is Chris and Christian (aka Team Fierce's) "avant-garde" look from Project Runway two weeks ago. It's way too trendy for Jenna and a Texas country wedding. This is a Southern sorority girl we're talking about, here.
  
• 2. J. Mendel: This tiered look screams "I'm pregnant and don't want daddy to know"!
  
• 3. Arnold Scaasi: Could this dress be any more old-school? Whatever Laura wore to marry Georgie Porgy probably looked a whole lot like this. (It's probably what his Barbara wore in her wedding to George, Sr. too.) Jenna may be a Republican, but she's not old. She needs contemporary conservative. Not to be confused, of course, with "compassionate conservative".
  
• 4. Carlos Miele: I can imagine Jenna in something like this; the strapless look is so traditional, and the bottom is full without being princess-y. (Jenna did teach children in South America; she's of the people!) One problem: Jenna's figure can come across as a little square, and this dress may not play up her curves.
  
• 5. Amsale: The girl can drink her Secret Service detail under the table. No way in hell is she going to wear a dress strewn with flowers.
  
• 6. Carmen Marc Valvo: Ooh, cool and modern without trying too hard; no avant-garde aspirations. Just stylish. And thus, possibly too good for Jenna. (See: Southern sorority girl, drinks like a fish, above.)
  
• 7. Angel Sanchez: Interesting detailing in the front, but those spaghetti straps won't be doing Jenna any favors. Pass.
  
• 8. Badgley Mischka: We have a winner! This dress has traditional styling, old-school glamour, romance, and class. And the White House can use all the class it can spin.
  
• 9. Nicole Miller: The bustle in the back, draping across the front, and underlayers peeking out look old-fashioned, but not in a cool, vintage way. Too dated for an all-American party girl.
  
• 10. Lela Rose: The scoop neck is unexpected and modern, but it just might be a little too fashion-forward for the stiff-necked blueblood Bush clan.
  11. Marc Bouwer: This shape might have looked good when Audrey Hepburn played Eliza Doolittle, but Jenna Bush, my friends, is no Audrey Hepburn. (Or John Kennedy.)
  
• 12. Oscar de la Renta: Strikingly similar to the Badgley Mischka gown, this one is a teensy bit more sophisticated. And Jenna Bush just doesn't scream "sophistication."

• Two weeks after they exchanged vows at a "spiritual" ceremony in Bora Bora, Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy have indeed split. The two will "remain friends" and since they never had a legal US wedding, Eddie — who acted like a bit of an asshole to Tracey — won't have to pay any alimony. [People]
  
• Cops were called to the home of Britney Spears last night, but not for the pop star! Several photographers were arrested for reckless driving. Seriously, it's all fun and games until someone gets nailed by an SUV. Or has a nervous breakdown. [Perez Hilton]
  
• According to a poll, 51% of people think that Britney should be able to see her kids a few times a week. Only 1% wanted Britney to get full custody. Was that 1% one person? And was that one person Britney? [Reuter]
  
• Kevin Federline's lawyer says Kevin knows how difficult the custody situation is on the kids — and their mother. "It's a sad situation. There's no victorious feeling." Isn't it amazing how he's become the one to sort of trust and admire? [People]

• Uh-oh! Blake Fielder-Civil is livid with wife Amy Winehouse and has said "I want a divorce." Will she lose her man? Also: She doesn't have a pre-nup, crap. [Perez Hilton]
• Jeremy Piven has a crush on Dita Von Teese! The Entourage star sent two satin mini dresses to the burlesque queen, awww. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which talented singer/guitar player seems to have forgotten he's married with children? He's been spotted entering and exiting a building in Battery Park City where he spends the night with a beautiful record company executive." [Page Six]
• Clint Eastwood is suing Palliser Furniture company for creating a chair called "The Eastwood." The estate of Marlon Brando is also suing; the chair company claims The Brando chair was named after a town in Corsica — and yet they also have seats named after Charles Bronson, James Cagney and Sean Connery. [E!]
• "He was uncomfortable with the side effects of stardom. There was a sadness in his eyes for someone so young, and he always had an air of trouble around him." — a friend of the late Brad Renfro. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which rising actor with a celebrity girlfriend has been sending 'dirty, flirty' texts to a slew of young ladies in Hollywood? At least that's the gossip." [Gatecrasher]
• Is Sienna Miller to blame for the break between Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn? [Rush & Molloy]
• Simon Cowell denies he got a a "tit job" on his man boobs. "I've tried to cut out red meat, biscuits, cakes and desserts and I eat a lot of fruit," he says. [MSNBC]
• Ike Turner's death was indeed a cocaine overdose, though the singer had a long history of cardiovascular disease and emphysema. [Reuters]
• Faith Hill is recovering from knee surgery — she injured it playing softball in high school. Who knew she was sporty? [AP]
• Foxy Brown is hoping for early release from prison as she slowly goes deaf. "I am terrified of not hearing a fire alarm go off, or being locked in a cell, and someone not being kind enough to let me out, since not everyone understands the severity of my condition," she wrote in a letter. [E!]
• Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker is suing Rockstar energy drink company for publishing a photo of him holding a can of the product. What's with all these companies trying to exploit celebs? [USA Today]
• Liz Hurley pregnant? The 42-year-old has a "bump." Ugh, to be a star and have everyone staring at your stomach all the time. Must suck. [Daily Express]