• Strawberry Shortcake: The Fall Of Orange Blossom
• Plot: Orange Blossom, once a dear friend of Strawberry Shortcake, moves in with the Peculiar Purple Pie Man of Porcupine Peak and changes her name to Citrus Frost. All hell breaks loose when she tries to freeze her former fruit-friends into oblivion. Will Strawberry Shortcake save the day?
• Tag Line: "Orange You Glad This Shortcake Can Kick Some Ass?"
• 
  
  
  
• Care Bears And The Stare Of Doom
• Plot: A stomach virus infects Care-A-Lot, causing the Care Bears to fall into a trance, and their patented Care Bear Stare into a weapon that Captain Coldheart aims to use to ruin everything. Only one Care Bear, Funshine Bear, avoids the plague. But does he care enough to stop the end of the world?
• Tag Line: "Get Ready To Care....Or Be Taken Care Of."
• 
  
  
  
• She-Ra, Princess Of Power
• Plot: No, seriously, make this movie. There already is a plot. Just don't cast Megan Fox. That is all.
• Tag Line: "For the Honor Of Grayskull!"
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• Rainbow Brite: Colors That Kill
• Plot: Murky Dismal has designed a device that will rid the world of color...and humanity. It's up to Rainbow Brite and her crew to stop the plan through many violent action sequences involving multi-colored lasers and catchphrases like, "He just blue you away!" And "you'll be seeing red after this!"
• Tag Line: "These Colors Don't Run...Motherfucker."
• 
  
  
  
• Get Along Gang: The Final Battle
• Plot: Shit gets real when the Get Along Gang finds itself in the middle of an all-out gang war in a post-apocalyptic world. Can they get along...and survive?
• Tagline "The Gang's All Here...To Kick Some Ass."
• 
  
  
  
• Jem And The Holograms: Showtime, Synergy
• Plot When Synergy is corrupted by a hacker hired by the Misfits, Jerrica Benson and her alter-ego, Jem, go on a crime spree that shocks the nation. Can the Holograms rewire their lead singer before its too late?
• Tag Line: "She's Truly Outrageous...And We're All Paying The Price."
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• Lady Lovely Locks: Locks And Loaded
• Plot: When the Russian government decides to take over the world using tiny microchips implanted in hair follicles, it's up to Lady Lovely Locks and the Pixietails to save the day, and the hairstyles of all.
• Tagline: "You're About To Get Locked."

Feel free to add your suggestions (including casting!) in the comments.

'Asteroids' Lands At Universal [Reuters]

So who could possibly out-sparkle Edward in the toy chest? Let's take a look, shall we?


Glitter And Gold Rio: Awwww, yeah! Check out this fine flashy gentleman. Glitter and Gold Rio didn't mess around, ladies. He had purple hair and a gold lame suit with the kind of sparkle power that could easily knock Vampire Boy to the ground. And he dates Jem, which only ups his sparkle power. See his hands in this picture? He's holding his right hand up, but he's saying, "Edward Cullen, to the left, to the left."


Earring Magic Ken: Earring Magic Ken had a short run as the most awesome Ken doll of all time, before Mattel crumbled under homophobic pressure and pulled the doll from the market after an urban legend spread that his earring-inspired necklace was actually a cock ring. The cock ring of sparkly awesomeness, I say. Look at Edward Cullen's boring Forks, Washington attire. He can't even come close to Earring Magic Ken's purple vest and winning smile.


Rocker Ken: Half-astronaut, half-rock star, Rocker Ken comes to us in a suit of silver and a hairdo that can only be described as 1985. So you're a vampire, Cullen. Can you sparkle AND rock out on your silver guitar? I think not.


Dream Glow Ken: Sure, you can sparkle, Cullen, but can you GLOW? I don't think so. Dream Glow Ken has an aura of sparkles, just like you. Not such a special snowflake anymore, are we, Cullen?


Jewel Secrets Ken: Jewel Secrets Ken has a sparkly suit, sparkly tie, AND sparkly cummerbund. Also? He has secrets. Just like you, Cullen. So you're not the only mysterious one in the toy chest anymore either. You need a new gimmick, Cullen, and you need it fast. Yeah, yeah, you're a vampire. That's really not going to impress the bloodless Barbie crowd. Sorry.


Bonus! Meet Your New Neighbor: Finally, here's our friend Buffy. She prefers to be called an "action figure." And she can't wait to meet you.

Barbie Collector Doll- Twilight [Toys R Us]

Jem PSAs [RetroJunk]