Ladies, your spring wardrobe is incomplete without "boy-cut" and "updated" jeans.

Stomach roll party in the front, and butt roll party in the back — Mom jeans are the ultimate in capital S Style. And even if you're all, "WTF NO," please know that you're wrong, and will soon be wearing them, too. Oh yes, you will.

Men. Are you tired of "scrunching, squishing, squashing or splitting" the goods when you try to wear pants? Are your skinny jeans so tight that you're now a natural soprano? Do you have to store your dick in your butthole so you can squeeze into your favorite khakis?

When you take a good look at these jeans, keep in mind what's special about them is what you don't see. Announced last year and hitting stores this month, Denim Spa Therapy For Legs by Wrangler are jeans "infused with moisturising and slimming ingredients."

Humans have been on this planet for so long that you'd think we'd have already come up with every possible combination of objects with which to hurt each other—and yet we continue to create new and ever more bizarre weapons. The latest innovation comes courtesy of a man in Barnstable, Massachusetts, who got mad at his…

Sometimes when you mix two things that don't naturally go together, you get something magical—like salty caramels or a mule. But sometimes things go terribly wrong, and you end up with a hideous mutant. That is exactly what happened here, with this unholy combination of cargo shorts and a denim waist. (They're so ugly…

Much unlike many a magazine editor who recommends you buy all sorts of crap that they most likely got for free, your Jezebel staff doesn't get jack shit (other than books, unsolicited). And that's how it should be. But on our own time, in our personal lives, we still buy stuff. So this is Worth It, our recommendation…

Levi's latest ad campaign is all about how its jeans fit different kinds of bodies. Unfortunately, the company doesn't seem to understand what "different" means.

Before I proceed to rip apart what's got to be the worst clothing item I've seen since the Forever Lazy, I have an admission to make: I love jeggings. I think they're comfortable and I wear them nearly every day. (I would never wear them in the place of jeans, or pretend they're not what they are.) That said, what in…

A young woman was recently barred from taking an exam at BYU-Idaho because an employee at the University testing center felt her pants were too tight. Now some Mormon bloggers are coming to her defense.

"I haven't seen anyone come out sobbing, but some were definitely devastated." So says Jennifer Althouse, the buyer at American Rag, a store in L.A. which has just installed an "ass cam." A dressing room camera offering a rear view.

• The cover of this magazine has been out for a while, but only the full spread reveals just how well Marc works a handbag. [Fashionologie]
• Trendy label Eleven Paris booked Zoe Kravitz and model Ash Stymest for its lookbook. [TLF]

• To further her plan for wold domination, Snooki — author, slipper-wearer, and cultural touchstone to millions — will soon be pimping a slew of licensed products, including jewelry (a NYE ball necklace!), clothing, and sunglasses. [NYPost]

• Want free jeans? Don't mind handing a corporation access to your personal data and real-time location? Gap will give away 10,000 pairs of jeans to Facebook fans who "check in" to its stores on an as-yet-unannounced date tomorrow. [Fashionista]

A Levi's ad has the word "ass" in it. Old Navy said "booty." And someone "referred to his hindquarters as ‘butt'" in an ad. America's decency is going to shit.

• Courtney Love hired Michael Mouris to create a short animated video about her life. Karl Lagerfeld comes to her and tells her she is "drowning in the kook," like a Teutonic fairy godmother of style. It is awesome. [WWD]

Brooke Shields still fits in the Calvin Klein jeans from her iconic 1980 ads. "I looked like a sausage," she said on Ellen, "but I was going to get them zipped up if it was the last thing I did."

• This makes so much sense! Levi's sizing system is now taking into account one very important metric: your ass. Because bodies are three-dimensional, and sometimes people with the same measurements are very different shapes.

The folks at Old Navy swear that they've got the perfect jeans for your body shape. Hence: The "Booty Reader." Like the love child of Miss Cleo and Sir Mix-A-Lot, she likes big butts and she cannot lie.

According to a Consumer Reports/ShopSmart survey, the average woman owns seven pairs of jeans, but only wears four. Possible explanations: Women buy "aspirational" sizes, jeans go out of style, or you're still hoping to repair that weird crotch tear.