• John Travolta allegedly refused medical help after his son Jett suffered a seizure — which is why the paramedics in the Bahamas were trying to blackmail him.

Reportedly, Travolta wanted the ambulance to drive his son to an airport so he could be flown back to the US for treatment — instead of to the island hospital, 45 minutes away. [Daily Mail, Mirror]

• John Travolta will be the first witness called today. And there may be a secret videotape which allegedly shows the attempted extortion. [TMZ]
• Jaclyn Smith is not dead, despite what Perez Hilton has reported. He apparently mistranslated a story about her stunt double's suicide attempt. Smith's Twitter reads: "Jaclyn is safe and home with her family. She is not in Honduras. It is a lie." [Vancouver Sun]
• Just to clarify: Jaclyn Smith's former stunt double — from her Charlie's Angels days — may have attempted suicide and may be in critical condition, but Jaclyn Smith is fine. [E!]
• Two photographers are suing Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, claiming the couple's bodyguard shot at them outside the Costa Rican estate where the couple were having wedding celebrations. [NY Daily News]
• Congrats to Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr., who welcomed newborn daughter Charlotte Grace Prinze on Saturday. [Page Six]
• Mickey Rourke will play The Ice Man in a movie about a a sadistic Mafia hit man who murdered more than 200 people. [Page Six]
• In court documents, Britney's American Express card charges for the first 11 months of her conservatorship have been revealed: She spent $5,183.13 on restaurants; $10,096.53 on travel and $17,370.29 on furniture. [TMZ]
• Chloë Sevigny and Jason Segel drink champagne and eat chocolate and kiss and hold hands and so on. [Page Six]
• Beyoncé has rescheduled a concert in Malaysia after canceling what was supposed to be her first show there. Scheduling conflicts? Or the country's strict dress code? [UPI]
• How much would you love to see Will Ferrell sing a karaoke version of "Wanted Dead Or Alive"? [Page Six]
• Get well soon, Megan Mullally! She was injured in a car crash last week, and while the injuries are minor, she had to cancel performances of her play The Receptionist in L.A. [TMZ]
• According to a court order, Aerosmith's concert next month in Hawaii must be of the same "quality, type and duration" as a regular Aerosmith concert: No half-assing it with a 30-minute gig. [People]
• Billy Joel has a new lady in his life, a "Katie Lee-esqe brunette" named Deborah Dampiere. [HuffPo]
• The Jay Leno Show has lost more than two-thirds of its initial viewers. [USA Today]
• A woman connected to Michael Jackson's personal physician (Dr. Conrad Murray) — she may be his girlfriend — has been ordered to testify before a grand jury in Los Angeles. [CBS News]
• New details in the Anna Nicole Smith case: Two nannies who worked for Anna claim they saw Howard K. Stern and Dr. Khristine Eroshevich inject drugs into Anna's system. Afterward, she would be all messed up — falling in the house; sleeping for two or three days at a time. [TMZ]
• In addition, there are legal documents stating that Anna Nicole Smith and her shrink, Dr. Khristine Eroshevich, took nude pictures together in a bathtub and their relationship "crossed the boundaries of professionalism." [TMZ]
• There will be a court session for the Anna Nicole Smith case this morning, and Howard K. Stern could be charged with 11 different felony counts. [TMZ]
• Take a minute and read this interview with Charlotte Gainsbourg, about her experience shooting Lars von Trier's Antichrist. She talks about panic attacks, self-harm, working with a porn actor (or trying to) and doing movies with taboo subjects like incest. And she says: "Lars does portray his own fear of women and the sexuality of women. It's not at all a hatred against women-it's really quite the opposite. He's sincere in the way that he's talking about his own fears, his own questions, but he's not accusing women… Of course, [my character] has some kind of an evil part to her, but for me, it had a lot to do with the grieving and going into madness. And then the act of physically cutting herself was the extreme of madness and just trying, with her guilt, to-there's no way of coping with it, so how do you hurt yourself in the most horrific way?" [Village Voice]
• Alexandra Richards was hired to DJ a party but left after 38 minutes to go have dinner — yet she expected to be paid for the full 3 hours her contract stipulated. [Page Six]
• Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough: Maybe back on, if you care. [Page Six]
• Friends and family attended the funeral of Jasmine Fiore over the weekend, and "everyone was crying." [NY Times]
• "The cow's a diva; it's a little known fact.  She's not very giving." — Josh Jackson on his costar in Fox TV show Fringe. [Teen Television]
• "What I try to do is take the best bits of my mother's charitable work and the best bits of my father's charitable work and do them both together. I'm not in their league, but I'm warming up, hopefully, and I'm trying to do what I can." — Prince William. [Telegraph]
• "I was funny in school. I was funny in the classroom. I really got tired of giving it away for free. People say, 'How can you talk all day?' I could do it on the phone or do it on television. A painter paints. I yak yak all day." — Joy Behar, whose new show on HLN (formerly Headline News) begins next week. [WaPo]
• "I saw her on a chat show. I'd worked with her before on Alias and she's always happy and always pleasant to everyone really and when she swears she says thing like 'darnit' and 'darn' — now even The Waltons go a bit (further). Her favourite swear word is 'rats' - that's not a swear word! Rats isn't a swear word." — Ricky Gervais on Jennifer Garner, who he calls "Miss Goody Two Shoes." [Mirror]
• "This was a very joyous moment where I've got new life. It was also a very sorrowful moment, where my sister had gone on, and the family that donated the kidney had lost their daughter as well. My first reaction was that I wished I were back on dialysis to have my sister. These two people had left this earth – and I was here. Why? I feel like I don't deserve it." — Natalie Cole, on getting a life-saving kidney transplant and then learning that her sister Cookie had passed away. [People]
• "I was about 24 years old, and I had tons of acne. I met some random girl on a bus who told me to quit dairy and all those symptoms would go away three days later. By God, she was right." — Woody Harrelson. [Page Six]
• "She's not playing the victim! The press plays the victim for her. All the stories about her-'She's so lonely.' Please! She's having the time of her life! She goes to Mexico every other weekend with her girlfriends, while Angelina and Brad shuffle their kids across country. Would you rather wake up with a margarita or eight children?" — Chelsea Handler, on Jennifer Aniston, who will be a guest on Chelsea's show. [Village Voice]

[London, April 8. Image via Getty.]

In I Love You, Man, directed by John Hamburg, Peter Klaven (Paul Rudd) gets engaged to Zooey (Rashida Jones) and realizes that he has no close male friends who could serve as his best man. After going on a series of "man-dates" with potential guy friends, he meets Sydney Fife (Jason Segel) and they hit it off. But soon Peter's newfound man-love begins to threaten his relationship with Zooey and comedy ensues.

Duplicity is about two former spies, Claire Stenwick (Julia Roberts) and Ray Koval (Clive Owen) who have been hired by rival pharmaseudical companies to find the secret formula to a mysterious skin cream that will bring a fortune to the company that patents it first. The movie skips between the present day and the pair's previous rendez-vous as they scheme against each other and of course, begin falling in love.

Critics generally praised both films, especially the performances of lead actors. The choice probably comes down to whether you're in the mood for watching Paul Rudd in a predictable but hilarious comedy, or following the more adult dynamics of Julia Roberts and Clive Owen despite an almost too-confusing plot. To help with this conundrum, we've compiled reviews for both films below, first for I Love You, Man and then Duplicity.

I LOVE YOU, MAN
New York Magazine

I Love You, Man is totally formulaic, but the formula is unnervingly (and hilariously) inside out. The typical Judd Apatow modern sex-comedy hero is supposed to forswear the world of drugs and self-pleasuring and inane teen fixations, not embrace them in the name of self-improvement. The buddy is supposed to buck up the man to help him get the girl; the girl isn't supposed to buck up the man to help him get the buddy. In screwball comedies, overly cerebral, "de-bodyized" men are forced to loosen up by free-spirited women, not men whose apartments have a special sacred chair for jerking off in. I Love You, Man is a howl, but maybe it's better not to think about it too hard.

The Washington Post

Peter is that rare creature in American cinema: a man who genuinely likes and respects women. It's the job of Sydney, who lives in a self-described man-cave with a steady supply of pot, pornography and post-adolescent playthings, to make Peter into a "real" man, i.e., a creature entirely without conscience or consideration for others. Thankfully, director and co-writer John Hamburg (Along Came Polly) keeps I Love You, Man on the light side, thanks in large part to Rudd's genuine warmth and humanity, and some refreshing touches that make the movie something more than just another snickering celebration of all things testosterone-tinged. For one thing, the girl isn't made out to be the humorless harridan of so many Apatow movies of yore (think of the Rudd character's bitter half in Knocked Up, played by Apatow's real-life wife Leslie Mann). Jones's Zooey is smart and successful and doesn't punish her man for indulging his inner guy; if anything she encourages it, until Sydney's rebel nature veers into a more troubling violation of boundaries.

Salon

The women here are secondary characters, and they're exaggerated — perhaps too much so — just to score comic points. They squeal and squeak at one another as they leak all kinds of secrets that ought to be private: "He goes down on you, like, six times a week!" one of them says when she learns of Peter and Zooey's engagement. (She doesn't know she's on speakerphone and Peter can hear the whole thing.) But Hamburg isn't out to make women the villains — they're hardly even the mysterious "other," because Pete gets them so much better than he understands his fellow guys. This role is perfect for Rudd, a terrific if often underappreciated actor, and he's the movie's killer not-so-secret weapon. Rudd's timing has always been good, but in I Love You, Man he gives the finest performance of his career, breaking his comic beats down into weird and wonderful fractional increments. It's as if he's invented a new comedy dialect.

The New York Times

Mr. Rudd, a slack screen presence who owns the patent on male adorableness and is charming to watch, even if all he can do are variations on a theme: adorable embarrassment, adorable goofiness, adorable sexiness. He's the ultimate in nonthreatening masculinity (Seth Rogan seems macho by comparison), the male equivalent of one of those plush animals girls and even some women like to keep piled high on their beds. Given that he's more of a character actor than leading man, he's perfectly cast in the "girl" role.

TV Guide

If watching Peter work his hardest to grasp the mysterious dynamics of male relationships is half the fun of I Love You, Man, the other half is watching Sydney give him a crash course in machismo that helps draw Peter out of his shell. As a result, the humor in I Love You, Man is more of the character-driven variety than the barrage of raunchy gags that have become a staple of the Apatow productions. That's not to say that the film doesn't have its fair share of unexpected, gut-punch laughs — it does — only that those moments are less frequent and more carefully dispersed than most audiences may expect. It's more Pineapple Express than Walk Hard or Step Brothers, and anyone looking for the kind of exaggerated, absurd laughs on display in the latter two films may be caught off guard by I Love You, Man's gentle, genuinely affectionate charm.

DUPLICITY

Washington Post

Yes, Duplicity features more than its share of spy-movie tropes: There's plenty of gobbledygook about computer hacking, chemical formulas and bugged photocopiers. But, happily, no one in the film gets punched, shot, strangled or beaten to death with a book.

The New York Times

If what thrills you is the swift-moving, unrelenting contest between equal and opposing forces, then the movies you seek out are surely the great romantic comedies of the studio era, verbal boxing matches that draw blood and end in kisses. And you have to go back that far - to the glory days of Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant, let's say - to find a duel of sharp wits, hidden agendas and simmering desires as satisfying as what transpires between Julia Roberts and Clive Owen.

Along the way, Mr. Owen, on whom a two-piece suit becomes as brazenly sexual a uniform as anything you can imagine, opens many bottles of Champagne and looks hungrily at Ms. Roberts, even though Claire is more of a natural predator than Ray. For this film, her first real starring role in quite a while, Ms. Roberts has almost entirely left behind the coltish, America's-sweetheart mannerisms, except when she uses them strategically, to disarm or confuse. Curvier than she used to be and with a touch of weariness around her eyes and impatience in her voice, she is, at 41, umistakably in her prime.

Slate

Shouldn't even a film constructed around a labyrinthine espionage plot have to make actual narrative sense?... But is it too much to ask that a spy movie unravel its secrets, at least the explicitly plot-bound ones, on a single viewing? ... There are so many leaps back and forth in time, so many twists and countertwists and double fake-outs, that we keep losing track of who (including ourselves) is supposed to know what when. There's a kind of pleasure in this repeated experience of bewilderment, but it's a pleasure predicated on the assumption that all the puzzle pieces will click together in the end. Duplicity does end with a whopper of a twist, but it's not clear how that revelation affects everything that came before. The conversation on the way home from a movie like this should consist of triumphant "aha!"s, not bumbling "wha?"s.

The Wall Street Journal

To give Duplicity its due — and plenty is deserved — Tony Gilroy's romantic caper goes against the Hollywood grain by smartening itself up instead of dumbing itself down ... Yet another question intrudes: Why does figuring out the puzzle come to feel a lot like work? Because Duplicity is betrayed by a surfeit of intricacy. Its ironic complexities tease the brain without pleasing the heart.

San Francisco Chronicle

If only the script's Chinese puzzle quality were subordinated to the exploration of character - in this case, two characters, a pair of government agents turned corporate spies, played by Julia Roberts and Clive Owen. But despite the considerable laying on of charm by both stars, they can't make their respective characters into objects of fascination. They remain rudimentary constructs. Their dialogue sounds like something out of a script, and their relationship holds no interest, except for the easily exhaustible fun of thinking, "Oh, yeah, there's Clive Owen. Oh, yeah, there's Julia Roberts. Yes, indeed, and don't they look nice together."

• Grey's Anatomy star T.R. Knight was in a three-car crash yesterday. He was not injured, but two other people were taken to the hospital by ambulance. [LA Times]

• The President Of The United States, Barack Obama, was on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno last night. He brought lulz (More later). [NY Daily News]
• Barack Obama made a joke about the Special Olympics and for that he is sorry. [NY Daily News]
• Here's a picture of Chris Brown getting off of a private jet and riding a bike around on the tarmac like he's having the time of his life. Raise your hand if it makes you feel stabby. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston is narrating a children's book. Cue the ZOMG SHE WANTS BABIEZ headlines. [Gatecrasher]
• Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel on a fast train to Splitsville? [Perez, Chicago Sun-Times]
• When Beyoncé stopped at Patricia Field the other day, she spent $11,000 in 20 minutes. How come didn't get us anything? [Page Six]
• It's a big weekend at the box office, with lots of stars: Nicolas Cage, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Clive Owen and Julia Roberts. Plus, Amy Adams's Sunshine Cleaning will move into additional theaters. What to see? [Reuters]
• "Five Reasons Julia Roberts Is Too Old (or Not)." Wait, what? [E!]
• This article asks "Is John Hamburg (the writer/director of I Love You Man) The New Judd Apatow?" [LA Times]
• Actual headline: "Miley Cyrus Shakes Her Ass For Paps." And it's not on Perez! [E!]
• For some reason there is a feud between Chris Jericho and Mickey Rourke. Jericho says when Rourke comes to Wrestlemania, he will "get out of the ring, walk over to Mickey, and slap him in the face." Lame. [Gatecrasher]
• Someone is pregnant on The Office. [E!]
• Speaking of The Office, did you dig Idris Elba? He has a Twitter. [EW]
• A Sheryl Crow/Stevie Nicks tour? Maybe! [Gatecrasher]
• There's a new Facebook group called UCLA Students Against James Franco as Commencement Speaker. It's jut mean! [E!]
• Dane Cook's half-brother and former business manager was indicted Thursday on eight counts of larceny; he'd been funneling millions from Cook's business accounts. No joke there. [E!]
• Real Housewives Of Orange County star Gretchen Rossi was spotted making out with Slade Smiley. [TMZ]
• Nick Lachey pitched a reality show to MTV and they liked it! Taking The Stage is about kids at a performing arts school (his alma mater in Cincinnati). Kinda like Fame, if you're old enough to remember hot lunch. [LA Times]
• Debra Messing is named in a lawsuit involving a traffic accident in which her car struck a police officer, even though Messing wasn't driving the car. [TMZ]
• The cast of the new Star Trek flick is heading to Australia; the movie will make its world premiere at the Sydney Opera House on April 7. No word if that guy with the Kirk chair will get to go. [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• Not only is Vanessa Williams awesome on Ugly Betty, she is working on a new album. "I had been wanting to do a Latin-flavored album since I played a ballroom dancer in the (salsa) movie Dance With Me," Williams says. [USA Today]
• Ooh, Elle Macpherson on TV! The CW show is called Beautiful Life, and she'll okay the owner of a modeling agency, naturally. [Reuters]
• Hmm, Mary J. Blige is joining the cast if the next Tyler Perry movie. Love her; not sure about him. [Reuters]
• Gossip Girl fans: Check out this new clip that's popped up: Chuck vs. Dorota! [People]
• Whitney Port and actor Robert Buckley were seen making out all over Miami. Hopefully someday soon we can stop thinking about these semi-famous [E!]
• There is a new romcom in the works called Merman. Yes, it is about a man who is half fish. He "comes to land so he can win back his mermaid fiance, who has left him for a real man." I'm not lying when I say it's produced by the dude who brought you Splash. [EW, Variety]
• Tara Reid has a job! She's been cast in an untitled horror film, in which she will play a mother whose family is terrorized by an unsees presence. [Variety]
• Former Soul Train host Don Cornelius has been sentenced to three years probation after pleading no contest to misdemeanor spousal battery. [Reuters]
• Blind item! "Which engaged young couple shocked an entire film crew when they were caught having sex on set?" [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item: "Which hip-hop fashion team is taking more credit than it deserves? While most designers acknowledge their assistants do much of the work, this up-and-coming pair accept kudos but never mention the staff in the back who actually make it happen." [Page Six]
• "I remember a performance of The Fantasticks where a mom brought a teenage son with Tourette's syndrome to the show. It was explained to me that because he liked me a lot, it became especially difficult for him to control his outbursts when I came on stage. Every time I said or sang anything, he would snort, howl or bellow some expletive about bodily functions or female anatomy, [and drop] F-bombs." — Kristin Chenoweth, in her memoir, A Little Bit Wicked. [Page Six]
• "I like all the Wii games. Love Guitar Hero. Growing up, I liked Tetris. I even like BrickBreaker on the BlackBerry. [My first console was] a Nintendo. I would play Super Mario Bros. We weren't supposed to play it after nine o'clock, and I would sneak and play all night. I loved it." — Beyoncé. [Mirror]
• "I had my tonsils taken out [at age 13], and they gave me liquid Vicodin. I found, when I take this, people like me. I'm having fun, I'm not getting picked on. It became a confidence thing." — Kelly Osbourne, who says she is finally completely clean after a month in rehab. [People]
• "I am shirtless and I have back hair in Observe And Report, and it's glorious. They did have me shave my back for Knocked Up. Judd Apatow said, 'People are not ready for a hairy back in a sex scene. We're just not there yet as a society.'" — Seth Rogen. [Page Six]

• A source says Lindsay Lohan is temporarily staying in a "therapeutic environment" organized by Stephen and Daniel Baldwin. Lindsay's rep says she's not in rehab. [Fox News]

• Natasha Richardson's death has been ruled an accident following an autopsy. The cause of death is "epidural hematoma due to blunt impact to the head." [TMZ]
• Madonna has dumped Jesus Luz, or as this paper puts it, "Baby Jesus is dead just in time for Easter." [The Daily Star]
• Bruce Willis will marry his girlfriend, model Emma Heming, this weekend in Turks & Caicos, where Bruce owns a home. [People]
• Justin Timberlake is launching a brand of tequila called 901 for the Memphis area code. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Michael Jackson is releasing an album to coincide with his comeback concerts this summer, and it's rumored that he wants to collaborate with Justin Timberlake, Rihanna, will.i.am, and Ne-Yo. Kanye West submitted tracks for MJ to consider. [ONTD]
• Dita Von Teese says that her ex-husband, Marilyn Manson, regularly calls her to apologize for ending their marriage, but she wants non of it. She says: "He has been in touch a little. The apologies come, and he was like, 'I made a big mistake.' And I'm like, 'Yeah, yeah, I know. Go ahead and say what you need to say to feel better and to sleep at night.' Right now I've got three (men). They're all in different parts of the world... That's my biggest sin - juggling men." [ONTD]
• Britney Spears is engaged in a super-sexy catfight with Fox News! In the music video for "If You Seek Amy" Britney takes a shot at Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly. In this video, Kelly invites Britney to come on her show and have it out, then makes the cat claws motion and meows. [E!]
• We've already seen the stills, but now Us has released video evidence of LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian's affair. They are shown kissing, holding hands and sucking on each other's fingers. [Us]
• Flight of the Conchords co-star Bret McKenzie has married girlfriend Hannah Clarke. They began dating in college and are expecting a child. [Stuff.co.nz]
• Mandy Moore was spotted wearing her wedding ring in public for the first time. [Pop Sugar]
• New Jersey Bruce Springsteen fans who say Ticketmaster cheated them are getting another chance at concert tickets. Ticketmaster is holding an drawing for 1,800 people for tickets to two May concerts. [Yahoo]
• Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson is tired of people saying she's not a real blonde so she posted blonde baby photos on her website. [ONTD]
• Salma Hayek has been developing a line of cosmetics. "I'm trying to develop a line with a drugstore so that it is affordable for everyone," says Hayek. "We've researched for two to three years. My grandmother was a cosmetologist and she used to make her own creams, but my whole approach is how can we get the essence of the really expensive ones, but for everyone to be able to afford." [ONTD]
• In this revealing interview Paul Rudd and Jason Segal make fart noises for three minutes and Rudd laughs so hard he cries. [Best Week Ever]
• Journalists Laura Ling (Lisa Ling's sister) and Euna Lee have been detained on the China/South Korea border because they refused to stop filming when asked to. [Perez Hilton]
• Joaquin Phoenix has added a new prop to his elaborate performance piece: He's now wearing an Ez-Comb. [Best Week Ever]
• Mark Whalberg and his girlfriend Rhea Durham just had their third baby in September and now they've announced that they're expecting a fourth child. [D Listed]
• Cartoon character Stewie Griffin of Family Guy is going to guest star on live action show Bones. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Not-so-nice guy Tom Hanks is pictured here flipping off the paparazzi. [TMZ]
• Golf pro Annika Sorenstam is expecting her first child. [People]
• 50 Cent will be replacing Forest Whitaker in the upcoming Sylvester Stallone film The Expendables. [ONTD]
• According to the National Enquirer Jessica Simpson's dad Joe Simpson is no longer a Tony Romo fan. He thinks that Tony is too much of a distraction and blames him for Jessica's recent career troubles. [ONTD]
• Simon and Garfunkel are reuniting for a spring tour of Asia and Australia. [CNN]
• Lady Gaga had a nipple slip while signing autographs in Portland. [Socialite Life]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are clearly not concerned about the economy. They have made an offer on the $125 million Fleur de Lys, the most expensive estate currently on sale in the world. [World Of Wonder]
• Ted Haggard and his wife are going to appear on Divorce Court but they're not getting a divorce. They just want to let us know how strong their marriage is. [NY Magazine]
• Meryl Streep says of friend Natasha Richardson: "Tash was the warm sun in the center of a large constellation of family, friends, all of those lucky enough to know her - she is irreplaceable in our lives; she gave us so much, so generously - her legacy is the love that connects us all." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Helen Mirren says of former co-star Natasha Richardson: "Natasha was a great actress, a fantastic mother, a loving wife and a whirlwind of energy, with an infectious love of life expressed firstly by her wonderful deep laugh. Anyone who knew her will be in mourning today. I hope that Liam and her sons are helped in their pain by the great love and sympathy that is coming to them from people all over the world." [Extra]

• Kanye West has been charged with battery, theft and vandalism stemming from that incident last September in which he smashed a paparazzi's camera at LAX. He's planning a fly courtroom outfit right now. [TMZ, Mirror, Gatecrasher]

• Here is piece about Natasha Richardson's life and death, including who visited her before she was taken off of life support (Joan Didion; Meryl Streep.) [NY Post]
• Vanessa Redgrave, Natasha Richardson's mother, played Joan Didion on Broadway, and the play was about losing a daughter. [Fox 411]
• Rihanna's "mentor" (?), producer Evan Rogers, says all the attention from Oprah and Tyra Banks makes matters worse: "I think that everyone has good intentions and means well, but it turns up the heat in terms of it seeming like the whole world is telling her what to do." Eh, she needs to listen. [MSNBC]
• Rihanna's car was pulled over last night in Hollywood for having tinted windows and no front license plate. She was in the backseat, not driving. [TMZ]
• A judge has issued a restraining order against Britney's ex, Adnan Ghalib. It's in effect until 2012, and there's no way he can wait that long. [NY Post]
• Uh-oh: Jessica Lange fell in her home, suffering a broken collarbone and a small cut on her forehead. Be well! [Daily Mail]
• Oh snap! LeAnn Rimes is not denying that she's having an affair with Eddie Cibrian, (as noted in Midweek Madness.) She says, "This is a difficult time for me and my loved ones." [NY Daily News]
• Jason Segel brought a date to the premiere party of I Love You, Man and she passed out by the pool and had to be carried out on a stretcher. Must have been an awesome bash! [Page Six]
• Katie Holmes: Not on a special Scientology diet; not pregnant. Despite everything we've heard. [E!]
• Sad face: One of Oprah's cocker spaniel puppies died and the other one is sick. Sadie the puppy is fighting a life-threatening disease called parvovirus. Hope she pulls through! [NY Daily News]
• Shocker: "Kate Moss Parties For The Third Night In A Row." [Daily Mail]
• Prince William has a "Harry Potter scar" but no magical abilities, as far as we know. [Yahoo News via AFP]
• Here is a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow picking off of Madonna's plate. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Some phone billionaire paid Leona Lewis £1 million to sing at his daughter's 21st birthday party. In this economy! [Telegraph]
• The Colbert Report will spend a week taping on a USO tour in the Persian Gulf; Comedy Central is claiming this is the first TV series to shoot more than ep in a combat zone. Colbert says: "I can't tell you where I'm going, but the fact that I can't tell you where I'm going should tell you where I'm going." [Variety]
• Did Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell kiss?!!?!?! [E!]
• More rumors about Liz Hurley's marriage: "He keeps flying off to India. There's no sign of that longed-for baby. And gossips whisper about her terrible temper..." [Daily Mail]
• Gossip Girl spinoff news: Josh Schwartz says the new show will focus on Lily, played by Brittany Snow. "Brittany and Krysten Ritter have amazing chemistry as these mismatched sisters and Andrew McCarthy plays their father, which is incredible. We also got No Doubt to record a cover of Adam and the Ants' 'Stand and Deliver' for the show. They're going on tour and they don't have an album, so this is the only new song that they've done. They performed it on the show and everybody, Gwen [Stefani] and the band, were just super into it." [E!]
• As previously posted, Project Runway's Kenley Collins assaulted her now ex-fiancé with a cat yesterday and was arrested. She says: "It was a miscommunication. Fights happen, and that's that." But… what about the cat?!?! She also threw her laptop and three apples at the dude. [NY Post]
• Taylor Momsen tops this list of "Worst Celebrity Mullets." [ONTD]
• You know what's cool? How the new Real Housewives Of New Jersey — Italian ladies with mob ties — isn't stereotypical. At all. [NY Post, NY Daily News]
• Girls have "figured out his schedule" and are now stalking James Franco outside of his classes at Columbia University. At least they're learning something? [Page Six]
• Are the final four American Idol contestants already chosen? [E!]
• Kate Bosworth is single again; she dumped hot boyfriend James Rousseau. [Star]
• A folk singer is accusing Lil Wayne of copyright infringement. What a world. [NY Daily News]
• Alex Rodriguez is suing over a real estate deal. [TMZ]
• Chow Yun Fat will play Confucius in a new film, which is a pretty big deal, no? [Yahoo News via AFP]
• Thank Zeus: VH1 is bringing back Behind The Music. Lil Wayne and Scott Weiland have signed on; expect sex and drugs and drama! [Yahoo News via Hollywood Reporter]
• Actor Stacy Keach was hospitalized Tuesday after suffering a mild stroke. [Variety]
• "She was a wonderful woman and actress and treated me like I was her own. I didn't see much of her over the years but I will miss her. My heart goes out to her family. This is a tragic loss." — Lindsay Lohan on Natasha Richardson, who played her mother in The Parent Trap. [E!]
• "It was my responsibility as a kid to regulate her pills. I remember sitting in hotel rooms, opening capsules, emptying out the drugs and filling the capsules with sugar…I was taught to never, ever call an ambulance, no matter what happened. I was to call my father or someone else never an ambulance because it would get into the press. I was taught at a young age to lie, to deceive, to manipulate." — Lorna Luft, on her mother, Judy Garland. [Page Six]
• "He's been in touch a little. The apologies come, and he was like, 'I made a big mistake.' And I'm like, 'Yeah, yeah, I know. Go ahead and say what you need to say to feel better and to sleep at night.'" — Dita Von Teese on Marilyn Manson, to Inked magazine. [Page Six]
• "When I got the call, I was playing pool with Scott. I remember picking up the phone and someone started asking me how the Veterans Day parade was. At first I didn't even recognize who it was, but it was my brother. He just sounded so down in the dumps, I had never heard him like that! He told me he got the letter I'd been dreading and everything just changed. My mind was going a mile a minute. Everything disappeared, Scott, the cameras, I was just absorbed in that phone call. At first I wanted so bad for my brother to say he was joking, but he wasn't." — Ryan Conklin, of The Real World, who was called back to serve in Iraq. [LA Times]
• "When me and my dad played pool, he'd always beat me. I'd like be putting 'em quickly. But he'd be really slow and methodical and then just wait for me to mess up. And as soon as I did, he'd be like this [swishing noise]. So when I decided to take that method, and really take my time and take one careful shot, I'd always beat him. Always. I just know now that if you take your time with something, things just seem to work out best." — Idris Elba. [USA Today]

• Interesting: Chris Brown and Rihanna are "taking a break." They're not calling it a breakup, though.

Unfortunately, this report has sources close to Brown saying things like, "He's just putting ideas down for some songs he wrote," and "He needs to feel like he's moving forward." We're definitely interested in what he thinks he needs. [E!]

• Rihanna was spotted "flying solo" in New York over the weekend. [Page Six]
• Vanessa Redgrave was seen visiting the hospital where Natasha Richardson is reportedly on life support. [TMZ]
• Friends of Natasha Richardson are in mourning; Ted Casablanca says they have all been informed that she is "brain dead." [E!]
• A Natasha Richardson family friend says: "There is no chance. It is a fact that her heart is beating but she is brain dead." [People]
• Two of Nadya Suleman's octuplets have gone home. Six more to go! [The Insider]
• Apparently the police in Chicago are not amused that Lady Gaga does not wear pants; they stopped the singer, who says, "It was really funny because all you saw was this half-naked girl on the street yelling at some cop 'It's fashion! I'm an artist!' It was fun." [Perez]
• Lady Gaga hearts Prince Harry: "I spotted him last year in a club and couldn't take my eyes off him. British men are cool. I especially love the accent and Prince Harry sounds so posh." [The Sun]
• An artist named Ben Tegel has made an "American Gothic" type poster — called "American Sapphic," starring Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. LL looks good, but Sam looks sinister. [E!]
• Coming soon to a bar near you: Justin Timberlake brand tequila. [Page Six]
• John Mayer's latest Twitter: "This heart didn't come with instructions." Naturally the papers think it's Aniston-related. [Mirror]
• Joy Behar has been with her man for 26-and-a-half years and may get married! She says: "Somebody that I know lost her partner. They were gay women. And the partner was in the hospital, and she had to pretend that she was her sister in order to really deal with stuff. I don't want that to happen to us … and I also just feel that I want to." [People]
• Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow had dinner with Valentino last night and talked goop all evening. [Daily Mail]
• Madonna will release a fourth greatest hits compilation, because she owes her current record label one more album. [Perez]
• Nicole Richie has launched NicoleRichie.com. You'll find posts about her jewelry line, her charities, her Brazilian blow dry — all while listening to Deep Purple. [Socialite Life]
• An ad for Angelina Jolie's film Wanted was banned in the UK for glamorizing violence. Here in the US, we encourage that sort of thing. [Telegraph]
• Two contestants on Paris Hilton's British Best Friend were screaming at each other and going so nuts a psychiatrist was called in. Apparently there is a shrink on hand "at all times," but shouldn't the doctor be questioning why the hell the ladies are on the show to begin with? [The Sun]
• Ellen DeGeneres will play Mother Nature in a comedy flick written by Sex And The City writer-producer Jenny Bicks. She does really really love animals… [Reuters]
• George Michael played a one-hour performance for a Russian nickel magnate and made £1,606,856. How much is that in rubles? [Daily Mail]
• Sleazy 'N Sync mastermind Lou Pearlman might be in jail, but he's plotting a reality show. Part Charlie's Angels and part Making The Band, "it essentially would feature Lou's disembodied voice on a speakerphone," a source says. Creepy! [Gatecrasher]
• Mena Suvari's image is being used to sell condoms in China without her knowledge. But she looks good. [SF Gate]
• Kimila Ann Basinger — more commonly known as Kim Basinger — is playing a the head of a large family whose perspective on life has been changed by breast cancer. A different kind of role for her, no? [Independent]
• Salma Hayek, Maya Rudolph and Colin Quinn have joined the cast of an untitled Adam Sandler comedy. Salma is Sandler's wife; Maya is the wife of Chris Rock. Yeah. The old goofy guy/hot chick cliché. [Variety]
• Simon Baker has been named the sexiest man on TV. Did anyone see him glisten in the sun in that movie Something New? That was hot. [Mirror]
• Actor Stacy Keach has been hospitalized for an undisclosed health problem. [Reuters]
• What the world needs now: A Goonies reunion. Seriously: Goonies never say die! [The Sun]
• Blind item: "Which hip-hop icon gets laughed at when he strips down at the gym? Guysin the locker room can't believe it's that small." [Gatecrasher]
• "It's hard to know what the rule book is for guy friends. Girls call their friends girlfriends. You'll never hear me say, 'My boyfriend Paul Rudd and I were working together.'" — Jason Segel, whose "bromance" flick, I Love You Man, is opening Friday. The back and forth between Rudd and Segel in this interview is pretty funny. [USA Today]
• "I went crazy for the script. I was going through a phase where I was turning everything down. This gem landed. I finished the last page and called my agent. It was a rare gem." — Clive Owen, on Duplicity. [USA Today]
• "I'm embarrassed on almost a daily basis. You sort of have to suck it up sometimes. [Fans] say stuff like, 'You're so much shorter in person Or 'Oh, my god, you look just like that girl, but you are a lot prettier than she is.' You have to grin and bear it. I might say in return, 'I know I looked skinnier in The House Bunny, but thanks to my diet of beer and doughnuts, I'm back to my fightin' weight!'" — Anna Faris, to Self. [People]

Over at feminist blog Shakesville, Melissa McEwan writes:

Even when women do what they're meant to do by the fucked-up standards of The Patriarchy-get naked and submit themselves for public objectification-they're going to get mocked for doing it. Because, even though we're ostensibly laughing at the Judd Apatow Boyz for their uproarious send-up of a sexy female-oriented VF cover, implicit in that laughter is a condemnation and marginalization of the female-oriented cover: See how silly it is when a man does it?! Ho ho ho.

Author Amanda Marcotte, on her Pandagon blog:

"I prefer jokes that send up sexist stereotypes, like when Liz Lemon makes a stupid mom joke and high fives herself. This joke, it seems to me, works off the idea that it's stupid to want to put men in an objectified position, ‘cause duh, that's for ladies! The bodysuits just makes it more insulting."

Salon's Rebecca Traister adds:

All this silliness does is amplify the point that men can become famous in Hollywood, and famous enough to be photographed by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair, without having bodies that you want to see unclothed. There is not a similar path to success for Hollywood's women.

But we're really behind Mary Elizabeth Williams of Salon, who says:

Between the hack work and the pawning of her photos, I guess Annie Leibovitz really is hard up. That this drivel is being peddled by the same woman who shot one of the most famous male nude photos ever — the beautiful, vulnerable image of John Lennon curled up against Yoko Ono for Rolling Stone, just makes the whole business all the more cynical and pitiful.

See, we're starting to wonder if Vanity Fair is the problem, or if Annie Leibovitz is the problem. She's one of the most famous photographers working right now, but she pushes people of color off of covers, turns black basketball players into gorillas, gets 15-year-old girls to pose half-naked and has no regrets.

As an artist, it is certainly her job to push boundaries and break the rules. But lately it seems that instead of inspiring and innovating, Leibovitz offends and denigrates. What is she doing? What is her goal? To create "art"? Or to rock the boat? Or merely to get paid? On the one hand, she's been generating lots of negative press lately — why would any magazine continue to use her? On the other hand, no publicity is bad publicity, right?

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other [Shakesville]
Quick Take: Funny Or Not? [Pandagon]
Dudes Undress For Vanity Fair [Salon]
Earlier: Vanity Fair: Not In Favor Of Naked Men
Photo Finish
LeBron James "King Kong" Cover
Is Vogue's "LeBron Kong" Cover Offensive?
Miley Cyrus: Fifteen & Topless in Vanity Fair
Is Tween Titillation More Offensive Than Casual Racism?

[All images by Annie Leibovitz.]

• We're starting the weekend with some sad news: Patrick Swayze, who is receiving chemotherapy to treat his pancreatic cancer, checked himself into the hospital this morning with pneumonia. [Us]

• While in prison, Martha Stewart broke up a lesbian orgy taking place in the exercise room. She marched in, flipped on the lights, and yelled, "Chop! Chop! Ladies!" [Celeb News Wire]
• Is Amy Winehouse peeing standing up in this picture ... or is it a plant? [The Superficial]
• Is Winehouse a terrorist target?! Supposedly Islamic extremists have a hit list of some of Britain's leading Jews, and Winehouse is on it. [Perez Hilton]
• At the Critics' Choice Awards, Angelina Jolie lost the award for Best Actress to Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep (it was a tie). During Hathaway's rambling acceptance speech, Angie totally gives her bitch face. Yes, there is video. [E!]
• Obama supporter Anne Hathaway shared her thoughts on Rick Warren after the awards show: "My older brother is gay, and so its a family issue for me. My father is coming with me to the Inauguration. At first we discussed not going, and then we thought we’d just turn our backs when he [Warren] speaks. But we didn’t want to be disrespectful. So we’re going to wear ribbons protesting his appearance.” [Fox News]
• OMG! Kate Middleton just turned 27 and she is still not engaged to Prince William!!! The British press has taken to calling her "Waity Katie," which she hates. [CBS News]
• Angela Bassett says that she has her tickets to the inauguration, but won't be attending the balls because, “We’ve all done parties.” Are there any celebrities not attending the inauguration? [NY Magazine]
• Bono is writing an Op-Ed for this Sunday's New York Times. Bono says: "I've never been great with the full stops or commas. Let's see how far we can take this." [Alley Insider]
• Scarlett Johansson says she's given up on trying to get Woody Allen to try new things ... or pretty old ones. "One day, I said something about Neil Young and he was like, 'Neil Young? Who's Neil Young?'" said Johansson. [Daily Express]
• Mena Suvari says she thought her new horror film was a comedy when she first read the script. Her character hits a man with her car and when he becomes stuck in her windshield she is too scared to go to the police so she drives home. [The Star]
• Match.com columnist Whitney Casey told Howard Stern that Rocco Dispirito was the best sex she ever had and that he has a perfect penis "like the statue David." When Howard pointed out the statue has a small penis, she elaborated that his penis is like a Viagra version of the statue of David." [DListed]
• Did you know Paul Rudd has been arrested? When he was in college at the University of Kansas police arrested him because he was drinking outside - while underage. [Daily Express]
• Kate Hudson punched Anne Hathaway on the set of Bride Wars. It was an accident, or so Kate says. [People]
• Just so you know, Ashley Olsen allegedly doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom. [Yeeeah]
• "I can get on with someone really, really well and if they are no good at having sex with me it really upsets me," says Lily Allen, who cannot seem to stay out of the gossip columns this week. [ONTD]
• Ryan O'Neal pled guilty to meth possession in court today and was sentenced to 18 months in rehab. [TMZ]
• Evan Rachel Wood is dating Jason Segel! So maybe he and Drew Barrymore are "just friends." [E!]
• More evidence: if Ladies Home Journal is to be believed, Drew has been single for the past six months. But she still believes in love. [People]
• Everyone in Defiance, including Daniel Craig, was so nervous about their accents that they said their lines very quietly on the first day of rehearsals. "No-one wanted to give away how bad their accent actually sounded," said Craig's co-star, Jamie Bell. [Daily Express]
• Jennifer Connelly said that she and Jennifer Aniston really hit it off while making He's Just Not That Into You and says she wishes they were close friends so they could still "hang out" together. Um, so why can't they? Will their moms not let them be friends? [Daily Express]
• Rock stars! They are doing things! R. Kelly finalized his divorce from his wife of 11 years. Justin Timberlake will appear at the fashion show for his line William Rast, but won't perform. Merle Haggard is suing an environmental group that misused his name to raise money. And U2 is warning fans about fake tickets to no-existent shows this summer. [Rolling Stone]
• Natasha Lyonne explains what she really meant when she said she was going to sexually molest a neighbor's dog: “They were missing the point a bit when I said I was going to molest a dog. Is it my problem in the first place for being fucked up and acting like a maniac? Clearly. But should you steer your puppy in the opposite direction on the street when you’re walking by me? No! I love puppies as much as the next guy…. The only difference is what I like to do to them.” [NY Magazine]
• Cops say Charles Barkley's blood alcohol level was nearly twice the legal limit when he was busted for a DUI last month while on a quest for awesome oral sex. [TMZ]
• "I wanna make popular music, but I want less fans. I want the freedom of having less fans. It’s like the freedom of having less money. If you have less money, you have less responsibility. It’s like Björk. If she wanted to pose naked, you’d be like, ‘Oh, that’s Björk.’ But if I wanted to pose naked, people would draw all type of things into it. I definitely feel like, in the next however many years, if I work out for two months, that I’ll pose naked. I break every rule and mentality of hip-hop, of black culture, of American culture.” - Kanye West in the new issue of Vibe [Just Jared]

• Did Mariah Carey have an eye job or something? She won't walk down the red carpet without her sunglasses. If so, it's probably not her first procedure; her nose and boobs seem to have changed in the past few years. [Page Six]
  
• Also: Mariah's been wearing a giant ring that gossipers want you to think is engagement-esque. And she's been hanging with Nick Cannon. [People]
  
• David Bowie and Iman's 7-year-old daughter, Alexandria, listens to Hilary Duff songs, at which point "David just leaves the room," Iman says. "He thinks she should be listening to underground music." [ONTD]

• Amy Winehouse says she's not cheating on her hubby: "Me and Blake are meant for each other, he's my man." [Mirror]
• But, um, apparently Blake Incarcerated thinks she's divorcing him and wants £3 million. These tears dry on their own. [The Sun]
• But Amy denies having an affair. [Daily Mail]
• Ashley Alexandra Dupre is suing Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis. Her statement claims that she was offered alcoholic drinks and "once intoxicated, she was induced into exposing her breasts while being filmed and told to sign a 'release' form." She was 17 at the time and not "legally competent" to enter a into a contract. She's seeking $10 million. [ET]
• Joe Francis says: "To show my appreciation, I'm sending Ashley a dozen cupcakes from Magnolia (Bakery)- assorted with sprinkles along with a card attached that says thanks for the free publicity." [Rush & Molloy]
• So yeah, Britney's back on How I Met Your Mother. Abby, the "sassy office assistant," will try and get revenge on her crush, Ted, since he's dating her boss. Yawn. [Yahoo News]
• Meanwhile, Brit's Child Custody Evaluation report, which is "several hundred" pages long, is both damaging and encouraging for Britney. [TMZ]
• Jamie Lee Curtis says of Miley's pix: "I only wish that her guardians had protected her." [People]
• Bill O'Reilly on Miley Cyrus's Vanity Fair pix: "If you have a billion dollar franchise, you don't throw it away." And what about the millions of Hannah Montana-loving kids? [Perez Hilton]
• Kathy Griffin and Apple billionaire Steve Wozniak: Dunzo. "As a matter of fact, I got an email last week from him, and he is going to marry someone else," Kathy says. "I think he might be married. I don't really know that for sure, though." [WOW]
• Tracy Ullman plays Dina Lohan on her show, State Of The Union, and says: "I think I need to get bigger, better teeth to play her... American teeth that will do her justice." [Page Six]
• Ludacris with lipstick on his collar sounds like a song. [E!
• Jason "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" Segel: Seen making out with soap star Adrienne Frantz. [Page Six]
• Kristin Bell still has her Catholic high school uniform. "I tucked that away when I was 18," she says. "I'm going to wear it on my wedding night." [Page Six]
• Pamela Anderson is now an American citizen. [Page Six]
• Dancing With The Stars' Christian de la Fuente was rushed to the hospital after being injured while dancing with Cheryl Burke. He got hurt dancing. [TMZ]
• Rocker Scott Weiland has been sentenced to 192 hours in county jail for his November DUI arrest. Good luck! [TMZ]
• Shenae Grimes, who plays Darcy on Degrassi: The Next Generation, will be joining the cast of the 90210 spinoff. I'll admit I used to watch D:TNG. The storyline where Darcy posed half naked in her cheerleader uniform and sold the pictures to some guy over the internet was crazytown. [ET]
• Is Ryan Seacrest going to get kicked off of American Idol? [MSNBC]
• A documentary fronted by Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson — in which she plays "lifestyle coach" — might be dropped from the UK's ITV after one of the participants was arrested following the discovery of the body of an 18-year-old man in her apartment. [Variety]
• Victoria Beckham's boobs are gone. Isn't that old news? [The Sun]
• Mel Gibson will be in his first feature film since 2002. He'll play a police investigator. Wouldn't it be awesome if the cop were a Jew? [Yahoo News]
• The guy accused of stalking Uma Thurman might not have broken any laws. "He loved her and possibly still does. He never wanted to annoy her, threaten her or alarm her," says his lawyer. "Creepy? Yes. Obsessed? Yes. Criminal? No." Uma is testifying in court today. [Reuters]
• Cher had a fling with Tom Cruise at the start of his career. She's 16 years older than he is! And there's a joke in there about Cher being popular with The Gays but it's best left alone. [Daily Mail]
• Janet Jackson's boobs are in the news again. She wasn't wearing a bra at the GLAAD awards and it was pretty obvious. [Daily News]
• Four words: Jimi Hendrix sex tape. Let me stand next to your fire! [NY Times]