• In case you were wondering what "the lowest of the low" looks like: tabloid reporters allegedly checked Brooke Shields' 75-year-old mother, Teri, out of an assisted living facility in order to get a story. [People]

• Shields claims that two reporters from the National Enquirer pretended to be friends of her mother, who suffers from dementia, in order to check her out of the facility. "They then drove my 75-year-old mother around looking for a tabloid story," says Shields, "As anyone knows who has a parent who suffers from dementia or Alzheimer's, it is one of the most difficult experiences you can go through as a son or daughter. The idea that the National Enquirer took advantage of her state is reprehensible and disgusting." [People]
• Natalie Portman denies the rumors that she is dating Sean Penn: "Sean Penn is a friend and colleague. The reports that we are romantically involved are completely untrue. I normally do not respond to rumors about my private life, however, this repeatedly fabricated story has forced me to do so." [USWeekly]
• "Everybody has the right to vocalize their own opinion. Me personally-I think that everybody deserves equal rights, it's really as simple as that."-Kristen Dalton, Miss USA 2009. [E!]
• Britney Spears reportedly spent over 10 million dollars between February and December of last year, including $625,000 that went to pay Kevin Federline's lawyers. The court documents refer to these payments as "Federline Fees." Ugh. Haven't we all paid our Federline Fees at this point? [TMZ]
• A source claims that Michael Jackson is currently battling skin cancer: "Michael's test showed spots of skin cancer on his body, and cell which could turn to skin cancer on his face," says the source, "He was at first very concerned, but says he has been assured by the doctors that they can treat this and he will recover." [DailyMail]
• "To be a contemporary movie actor, you have to kill people - that's basically it. If you don't cock'n'load'n'fire a Smith & Wesson at some point in your film career, you're not going to have a film career. There just aren't enough movies that I like to keep me working in movies all the time. Well, let me rephrase that: there aren't enough available parts.""-Ethan Hawke [Guardian]
• An employee of the restaurant Justin Timberlake formerly owned, Southern Hospitality, has filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against the current owners, claiming that her fellow employees forced her to watch "pornography while in a locked room... and made fun of her when she began crying." [TMZ]
• "In keeping with the great tradition of stars like Madonna and Cher who are on a first-name-only basis with their fans, I've decided to go by the name of 'Heidi.'"- Heidi Montag Pratt [E!]
• Spencer Pratt's take: "Legally, she's a Pratt. But to her fans she is 'Heidi.' I totally support my beautiful wife-no matter what she calls herself." Related: I would like to know how the reporter kept a straight face after Spencer said, "Legally, she's a Pratt." [E!]
• Gwen Stefani is looking forward to touring with No Doubt: "We're from Anaheim. This is cliche to say, but we never thought this would happen to us. We built a studio in the garage, and now we're driving around on tour with a bus that has a studio in it. We survived it all and we're still friends, and that's great." [Reuters]
• In a video that is slightly reminiscent of my own childhood experience with reading Where The Wild Things Are for the first time, Spike Jonze scares the daylights out of a small child by wearing a mask from the film. [Filmdrunk]
• "Whatever passes for normal for me is very important, otherwise there's nothing to feed what I write about. My lyrics have always been fairly straightforward. They're very narrative-based; there's not much room for interpretation. Therefore my songs have to be about something. So my real life is precious."-Jarvis Cocker [TimesOnline]
• Former Bachelorette Jen Schefft has married her non-tv-show related fiance, Joe Waterman. [USWeekly]
• A source claims that Kelly Bensimon regrets signing on to The Real Housewives of New York: "She realizes it was a mistake," says the source, "It has ruined her socially. She knows how bad she came off." Bensimon, however, denies the claims: "I think that's laughable. I had a fabulous experience on the show. My friends love me and had a ball watching me." [PageSix]
• Vanessa Hudgens on her upcoming non-Disney role: "People I think are going to be genuinely shocked,'' Hudgens said. ''It's about these girls in a mental institution that in their heads gets turned around to be a brothel. And in the meanwhile they are kicking serious ass." But will there be a choreographed dance number? [NYTimes]

JG: So today's NYT Styles section has this article on "innovative' menswear. Like, would you wear a skinny suit with a cropped ankle?
Don: "Innovative" is pretty much the word that gives your assertion credence.
JG: Indeed. So was my suspicion.
Don: This is great stuff.
JG: Like, would you rock that?
Don: Hahahahahha.
JG: It's not even esoteric. You know how you can rationalize absurd women's fashion with some overly-academic art historical-sociological explanation? You can't with this. This is a skinny checked suit. And no dude goes out looking to get laid — by a girl — wearing that.
Don: Okay, well, I like to not be harassed by people. That suit would definitely get a lot of "faggots" from strangers wearing that.
JG: Really, the sweater vest underneath the suit takes it to a whole other level. Like, you still might be safe without that.
Don: No, no you wouldn't. I don't know where you hang-out, but my favorite bar downtown has a lot of Cubs t-shirts. I feel weird walking in with a polo.
JG: Okay so even a gay man wouldn't wear that suit with a sweater vest?
Don: This one is probably worse...
JG: That's my thing with menswear! What purpose is it serving? No guy with an X-Box (or better, a Wii) will ever wear that. And it's never going to trickle down in some watered-down, derivative version, even.
Don: No, not at all.
JG: Guys who like beer, boobs, and video games are not going to adapt to that.
Don: I dream of a day when business attire is a jumpsuit. That way, I know exactly what I have to wear and only focus on the cleanliness of my underwear. Function is key. I would wear this. If I was going to a Halloween party. As Jarvis Cocker. But this could be a return to Rat Pack, no?
JG: Do you want to return to the Rat Pack?
Don: No. But I can see how it can appeal to certain men.
JG: What did you wear to work today?
Don: Taking the day off - KnivesOut t-shirt, jeans, and ghetto slippers.
JG: I think that is what every straight dude I know is prob wearing. Okay, my last menswear question is this — did you read the article I sent you? All that talk of pink silk pajamas? What would it take to get you into pink silk pajamas?
Don: Ohhhh no. I didn't read it, went straight for the pictures, like porn. I mean, looking at clothes and scoffing is far less painful than reading about clothes you really don't care about. But... I did want to make one point. The jeans/t-shirt/fuck it attitude does carry over to women as well.
JG: In what way?
Don: I was talking to some folks the other night about all that Victoria's Secret shit...
JG: Victoria's Secret is gross.
Don: But every now and then it's nice, kinda like role-playing with clothing. Okay , so I was talking to these 2 guys and 2 girls, like I was saying...
JG: Okay and what did they conclude?
Don: Well, it was more...heyyyy, favorite shit to see a girl in. And really, both dudes agreed it was when they use our button-downs in the morning. Of course, I'm partial to union-jack suits or underwear and an NHL jersey (and I don't even like hockey).
JG: But you don't like that because it's some profound sartorial statement — it's because it's nice to see a girl wearing your clothes the next morning.
Don: Ummmmm, maybe. It's also... holy shit, girls really are smaller than dudes.
My shirt can be a dress on my most women. (Unlike menswear!) But yeah, suits... I'm going to the Men's Wearhouse. And I'm not spending more than $500... maybe $600 if the shit's banging. I've had my one 5 hunny suit for a good 8 years. I have a thrift suit (30 bucks), but that shit needs some serious help. And I bought a suit for $150 because I was young and thought "Dude, Elvis Costello would totally wear this" — It's not that cool now. Yeah, suits are things you have to buy (funerals, weddings). I really think about a new bicycle, HDTV and the lust for tools (but since I don't own, it would be stupid, but damnnnnn I WANT IT). So right, that checkered suit, fuck that. Also, if we're going to boil it down... who's going to fuck you in that suit? You don't want to fuck that person!

Looking Like a Billion Bucks [NYT]