JD, who has made controversial statements in the media about the weight of some women (namely, Tyra Banks), has decided that being too thin can be a bad thing. Disliking plus-size women and holding very thin women up on a pedestal had previously been the one consistent thread we could expect out of the normally arbitrary former-model's mouth. At least we know that we can always count on her to be consistently inconsistent.

• In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, a visibly angry Jon Gosselin says Kate Gosselin is trying to prevent him from seeing their twins on their birthday tomorrow but, "She can't tell me what to do... I'm just going to stay."

• Kate wants Jon to spend only two hours with the kids tomorrow, but Jon says he owns half of the house and has joint custody, so he'll do what he pleases. Jon explains that he knows what Kate says about him to the kids when he's not there because, "Maddy can't keep a secret. She tells me right away." He adds, "This thing has gotten so crazy and we've let too many people in, and everything's going haywire…They didn't ask for this. It's not their fault. But it is our fault by throwing our kids out there, shoving a camera in their face and asking an eight- or nine-year-old to explain it." [Entertainment Tonight]
• In the video at the link Jon Gosselin pulls out his Blackberry and reads an email from Kate Gosselin about the party. They had planned to host it together but she says, "Due to recent events, it'll be too stressful." Jon calls her ridiculous and says, "I can stay as long as I want... and I will." [TMZ]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's scheduled hearing over their money dispute was cancelled today because the judge's wife died of cancer. [TMZ]
• The hearing will be delayed by at least a week, which gives Jon Gosselin some more time to blow through the cash he took out of his joint account with Kate. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan blames Jon Gosselin's problems on his lawyer. "From a legal standpoint, I don't agree with anything being done right now," says Lohan, adding that he believes, "that Jon will not have his kids living with no roof over his head so I think they'll work something out. However, and this is a big however, whoever his counsel was who advised Jon to do what he did are the ones who should be put on the chopping block." [Radar Online]
• TMZ has pictures of Kevin Federline's rented Tarzana, CA home, which he is accused of destroying. The house he was raising his two boys in was filthy and had cigarettes and glass bottles tossed all over the yard and near play areas. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston's rep says reports that she and Brad Pitt met in a New York City hotel to discuss his relationship with Angelina Jolie are untrue. [Us]
• Robert "Joe" Halderman didn't expose David Letterman's affair with his live-in-girlfriend Stephanie Birkitt for financial reasons. "This wasn't about money, not money alone," said a source. "This was revenge. It was about making Letterman miserable. He wants to hurt Letterman as much as he can — and he wanted to hurt the girl, too." [N.Y. Post]
• Stephanie Birkitt has been banned from the Late Show With David Letterman set. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila explained on her blog that the "post traumatic stress" she's been suffering since the domestic violence incident with Shawne Merriman was what led her to Tweet, "I am going to kill myself cuz I don't want to life in a world where its filled with IGNORANCE! which majority of you ARE! & racists!" She writes: "I am a bit embarrassed and ashamed that the whole world witnessed my very public meltdown about being suicidal, but at the same time, I know that I shouldn't be... Had I not spoken out for help, my loved ones would not have seen my cry for help, and I probably wouldn't be alive today. Had I not done what I did that night, I most definitely would have made the biggest mistake of my life, that I can never undo." [E!]
• Janet Jackson says she hasn't been reading or watching the news since Michael Jackson's death. "People can have rhinoceros skin, but there's a point when something's going to hurt you," she said. "I haven't watched the news in weeks. I had to ask my chef, 'How's Obama doing?' I haven't read a newspaper." [The Sun]
• Though the sheriff's deputy who arrested Mel Gibson called TMZ twice on the same day the site leaked parts of his report including his anti-Semitic comments, authorities investigating the leak say they couldn't identify who handed over the report. [L.A. Times]
• Nick Nolte's son Brawley King Nolte, who was the kidnapped kid in Ransom, was arrested for suspicion of DUI and possession of a controlled substance yesterday in Santa Monica. His bail is set at $5,000. [TMZ]
• Janice Dickinson ignored a lawsuit filed against her by City National Bank and now a judge has ruled that she has to pay $304,449, the balance she owed on a loan plus attorney fees. [TMZ]
• At the link, watch a video for the campaign to get Tracy Morgan to join Twitter. [Buzzfeed]
• Jennifer Hudson will film a Christmas special for ABC called Jennifer Hudson: I'll Be Home for Christmas in Chicago. [AP]
• Alicia Keys is launching AK Worldwide, a new company that will handle her projects, especially her non-music related work. "It is really about finding ways to bring forth things into the world that will give you and all the people that encounter them, and myself, inspiration," she said. [AP]
• Outside the Cheesecake Factory last night Kanye West told the paparazzi that he ordered chicken because, "I'm black." [TMZ]
• The Lego David Bowie in the upcoming Lego: Rock Band game is so detailed it has two different colored eyes. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Illeana Douglas is producing a new web series called Sparhusen about a Swedish band that plays music for IKEA. It's a spinoff of her web series Easy To Assemble about a fictional version of herself taking a job at the store. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Heidi Klum has checked into the hospital to give birth to her daughter. [Perez Hilton]
• Rainn Wilson will star in a series of ads for the NBA on TNT. [UPI]
• Reports that Lisa Marie Presley's 17-year-old son has signed a recording contract with Universal Music are untrue. [People]
• Mark "Hollywood" Hatten says his ex-girlfriend Anna Nicole Smith was always, "begging with me to kill E. Pierce Marshall" because she felt that after her husband died, his son Pierce was "standing in the way of her money." [TMZ]
• At the link is a commercial featuring Drew Barrymore for this week's Saturday Night Live. [Just Jared]
• Maksim Chmerkovskiy says he's relived that his partner Debi Mazar has been kicked off Dancing With the Stars because he won't have to endure any more awkward encounters with his ex-fiancée, Karina Smirnoff. "I feel completely betrayed. I'm done," he said. [People]
• Marion Ross, who played Mrs. Cunningham on Happy Days, will do a five episode stint as Sally Field's mother on Brothers & Sisters. [L.A. Times]
• Jermaine Clement says Flight of the Conchords will, "be on one of the future Rock Bands. We don't know which songs yet but we're thinking about it at the moment and we're open to suggestions." [ONTD]
• Hilary Swank says, "For a long time, I was a loner because [my ex-husband Chad Lowe] was my best friend, and we were really happy just hanging out, he and I. I think it was maybe five years ago that I realized how important my friends were to me, and I realized they were a big part of my letting go. When I got divorced three years ago, I needed them more than ever. I have really good girlfriends. Mariska Hargitayis my best friend." [Just Jared]
• Prepare to have your heart broken: Emma Thompson has signed the petition to free Roman Polanski. [Shakesville]
• In the new Harper's Bazaar cover story, Tina Fey says that Liz Lemon and Carrie Bradshaw would get along because, "Liz has little to no style and little to no sex drive" and "Carrie would be very encouraging of Lemon and help her have more confidence." [People]

1.) Janice Dickinson
The Insider has a new format sort of based on The View's "Hot Topics," in which the "news" correspondents and a celebrity guest debate bullshit tabloid stuff. The show describes it as "entertainment news with opposing views." Janice Dickinson was the guest on Wednesday, and they really need to just give her the job permanently, because she has finally found her perfect calling.

On Jon Gosselin:

On Whitney Houston:

On confusing saying the word "jackass" and acting like one:

2.) Bobby Brown's body is "pure"

What does Janice think of him?

3.) New Judge Judy episodes!
It's been a cruel summer without some new JJ. Thankfully the new season has returned to dispense the most practical advice in the world.

4.) "Get off your period, dude."
On The Real World: Cancun reunion show, Emilee almost got all L7.

5.) Police work stinks for women

6.) Why did Kim look like Dracula's girlfriend?

Oh, and of course, this.

7.) "Get ready for the fashion show!"

8.) They're just not that into you.
On True Life: I'm Polyamorous, three gay men were in one relationship with each other, but one of them is totally the outcast.

The outcast's solution was to add one more guy into the mix, to a balance. Once he found a suitable candidate, he brought him home to meet his boyfriends, and it all worked out for the best.

9.) How not to raise children.

10.) Paula Abdul

She needs a pageant mom for some stability.

1.)The Jerry Lewis Telethon
He ages like cheese, becoming saltier, stankier, more intense, and thus more enjoyable.

Also more offensive.

2.) AARP Lapdance

Charo performed Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music" in the middle of the night during the telethon. I guess the intent was to wake people up. She went out into the crowd to get the audience dancing. When they didn't want to, she would hit them with her vagina.

3.) Tyra's back!

4.) And she wants to teach you stuff.
About menstruation.

How to frown with your eyes.

And how to not like your makeup.

5.) Janice still hates her.
After Tyra's Nightline interview during which she refused to discuss Janice Dickinson, Janice went running to The Insider to respond.

6.) The View returned.
Which is good news for those suffering in the recession.

7.) Kim needs a job.

Her daughter concurs.

8.) Blind-folded musical chairs.

9.) "She ain't messin' with no broke bro."

10.) The La Toya interview tonight will be awesome.
Judging from The Insider's preview of it.

However, her facial modeling indicated that the answer as to why Paulina and Janice hate her is "jealousy."

[Los Angeles, September 2. Image via WENN.]

In case you were wondering, Lou Diamond Phillips won. Totally anticlimactic.

Sadly, the rest of the marooned celebs did not allow Janice to come back. But she'll be on again on Wednesday night, when all the cast members (including Speidi) will reunite for the finale.

1.) What's baby oil made from?

2.) What's propitious?

3.) Brain Babies
They're scary!

4.) People in the New York metro area love misery, as indicated by the most popular stories on the local news.

5.) Brooke Hogan thinks she looks hot as a lesbian. Others disagree.

6.) Bravo aired deleted scenes from the infamous "prostitution whore" finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey. We learned a lot of new things, like GL Juicy J (gays love Juicy Joe).



And we learned that linoleum floors are not desirable in the Garden State.

7.) We also got some insight into what Danielle's sex tape might involve.

8.) 16 and Pregnant is a breeding ground for future Judge Judy litigants: Parents who raise idiots who become parents who raise idiots. It may sound harsh, but that's only if you haven't seen the show.

I do have to agree with the girl on point:

9.) "This man is an idiot."

10.) Janice Dickinson was voted off I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!
I'm gonna miss her crazy like crazy.

And that makes me cry, because I need her to be who she is. You know, the kind of woman who can face anything.

The campers were given some paper and pencils and asked to draw pictures of their experiences in the jungle. Most of them drew scenes of themselves in the river, or the view of the trees from their cots. Stephen Baldwin sketched himself topless, with the Bible:

He's also taken to calling himself Stevie B. And that brings us full circle to Janice's dream:

Consider us confused. He went on to say that he's a "straight gay best friend," which he claimed was a legit term that lots of people use, explaining, "I do hair and I'll sit in the corner and knit and a lot of my friends refer to me as their 'straight gay best friend' because we'll go do things that you stereotypically will do with a gay guy. It sucks that that's the term, but that's the kinda the term that has come to be."

Janice, who has a reciprocal love for gay men, wasn't buying it. But at the same time, Sanjaya is only 19, and entered the national spotlight through American Idol when he was just 16. It must be incredibly difficult to deal with that kind of sudden fame, even if you aren't being questioned about your sexuality (or questioning it yourself). What he does with his dick is his own business, but his explanation was too odd not to notice. Hopefully, hanging out with Janice will help him not be afraid to be the person he really is, whether that's a gay guy, or a straight guy who likes to braid hair.

I've been there before, and I know that once you're that full of shit, you have to get it out in another way, so you just talk about it to anyone who will listen. While they were all sitting around the campfire, the group decided to have a love fest and talk about who their favorite person in camp was and why. When they got to Janice's turn she said, "I love you all. I gotta try to go take a shit."

And while she has constipation of the butt, she has diarrhea of the mouth.

• Want to smell like Reese Witherspoon? Well, now you can, thanks to her new perfume, In Bloom. I mean, really: it's scented! I think it gives it a little something extra, don't you think? [DailyExpress]

• "I found myself drawn to the scents of my childhood in Tennessee," Reese says of the scent, "We had a great big magnolia tree in the back yard, and it's that beautiful white blossom that inspired the perfume." And yet I'll still think of the Nirvana song every time I see a bottle of this stuff. [DailyExpress]
• The former Miss California USA, Carrie Prejean, won't be attending the Special Olympics after all, as she feels it would be too awkward with her replacement around. In other words: she is not doing this. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Hustler is offering Prejean $500,000 to star in an "interactive parody film," promising: "Don't worry, you'll also have an opportunity to enjoy some opposite sex as well." [TMZ]
• Elisabeth Rohm's fiance refuses to see her new film due to her nude scenes. "He's chosen not to see the film," Rohm says, "and he really doesn't intend to. He doesn't need those visuals in his head." [DailyExpress]
• Daniel Baldwin is not a fan of his I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here co-star, Janice Dickinson: "Janice Dickinson is undereducated and over-medicated," Baldwin says, "I struggle with people who have that sense of entitlement. Like Spencer and Heidi [Pratt], she [thinks] being annoying will keep her on the show. She urinated in the camp rather than walk an extra 25 steps, she stole food and lied about it... It's almost a sociopath's behavior." [People]
• Blind Item: "Some good news for this formerly B+ movie actress and now a C. It appears she is off the drugs and even her husband appears clean. The bad news is he can't get a job and so has been hired by the producers as her personal makeup artist for the movie she is filming right now. I can't believe she got another movie." [BlindGossip]
• Christopher Lee will receive a knighthood from the Queen. [Reuters]
• Dustin Lance Black has spoken out about his private pictures that were recently leaked: "It is unfortunate that individuals and other outside parties are trying to profit from material which is clearly private. I have had the privilege to speak to people across the country, both gay and straight, on a number of critical issues including safe sex. More important than the embarrassment of this incident is the misleading message these images send. I apologize and cannot emphasize enough the importance of responsible sexual practices." [E!]
• Susan Boyle made a triumphant return to the stage and received a standing ovation after her first performance on the Britain's Got Talent tour. "Everyone was wondering how Susan was going to do," said a crowd member, "But she looked confident and her voice sounded amazing. She didn't look like someone who was in the Priory just a week ago." [DailyMail]
• "I thought I was attractive when I shot My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Studio executives and movie reviewers let me know I had a confidence in my looks that was not shared by them. In other words, they labeled me with words like: overweight, unattractive, unappealing. Hey, just say fat. I love the word fat. I used it in the title. It's actually not a naughty word. We give it a power it actually doesn't have. So, you're fat. Big deal."-Nia Vardalos [USWeekly]
• Britney Spears is going strong with her new boyfriend/agent, Jason Trawick: "They are tot-ally and definitely dating," says a source, "Her dad loves him. He's the best thing that's happened to her. They make a really sweet couple. Britney has always had a crush on Jason as he's one of her brother Bryan's best friends. He makes Britney really happy and he is great with the boys." [ShowbizSpy]
• Mariah Carey arrived in London yesterday...and so did all 23 of her suitcases. [DailyMail]
• Usher officially filed for divorce from his wife, Tameka Foster Raymond yesterday afternoon. [TMZ]
• My Name Is Earl is dunzo: the show will not be picked up by another network after being dropped by NBC. [EW]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's former bodyguard, Mickey Brett, says he's still considering writing a tell-all book about the famous couple. [E!]
• Kate Gosselin spent her 10th wedding anniversary with her children, and Jon Gosselin was nowhere in sight. [USMagazine]
• Joe Jonas drops the most obvious lyric ever about his breakup with Taylor Swift on the Jonas Brothers new album: "Got a rep for breaking hearts/Now I'm done with superstars/and all the tears on her guitar/I'm not bitter." [NYTimes]
• The First Lady won't have to worry about PETA protestors anytime soon: "Mrs. Obama does not wear fur," according to her deputy press secretary, Semonti Mustaphi. [PageSix]

Actually, it was more of a promise than a threat.

Stephen Baldwin, Daniel's brother, actually made an incredibly astute observation when he said, "I've never seen anybody who continues to like, function, but be this wacked. With the exception of like, Courtney Love."

She went on to say, "I used to live in New York City, Heidi. If somebody started singing like that, somebody would go, 'Yeah, shut up!'" Janice justified her remarks by saying it was "constructive criticism. That's what I do."

Heidi and Spencer have been all about Jesus since they returned to the show, which prompted them to begin a fast. (That might explain why they complained that they hadn't eaten in several days, at first blaming it on producers of the show.) Anyway, the religious experience affected Heidi, even in her sleep.

It wouldn't be surprising if "Jesus" was a pet name for Spencer's boner. John Salley would know, since he was watching.

It should be noted that later that morning Heidi vomited repeatedly.

After several bouts of nausea, Heidi was rushed to a hospital, and Spencer put the entire ordeal into perspective.

The cast has taken to calling her "crazy old Aunt Janice" (behind her back), as a coping mechanism for dealing with her eccentricities, like how she refers to the comedy duo Frangela as "Frangelica," which is a combination of their name and Frangelico, the hazelnut liqueur.

• Susan Boyle was "comforted" by psychiatrists before the Britian's Got Talent finale. Then she lost. [Daily Mail]
• Paramedics and police were called to help a "spaced-out" Susan Boyle through a hotel lobby early Sunday. [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Now? Susan Boyle is in a mental hospital:

She had an "emotional breakdown." Sources say she is suffering from exhaustion: "She was very tired and hasn't been sleeping." Can I just say that I know someone who was on America's Got Talent and for 99% of the time that you're involved, the producers fuck with your head? They tell you you're amazing, and to "do what you do best," and if the judges don't like it, you're supposed to tell them off. There's no doubt that being on the show is a mindfuck. [The Sun, BBC News]

• Judge Piers Morgan says of Susan Boyle: I spoke to her yesterday for about half an hour and she's fine. She's gone in for some rest. She needs to get away from everyone – get away from the show, from the media, the public, and just have a bit of down time to herself." [People]
• "Susan Boyle set for £6million fortune with hit album and blitz on America." [Mirror]
• Bruno (aka Sacha Baron Cohen) — wearing angel wings and a butt-exposing jockstrap — flew in to the MTV Movie Awards over the audience, on a wire — but a "mishap" cause him to get stuck and lowered over the crowd, with his ass right in Eminem's face. (Video here.) Eminem was pissed and stormed out — but was he in on the joke? [AP, People]
• Eminem reportedly said, "Get this motherfucker off me." [NY Daily News]
• Kate Hudson and Madonna were both at Veuve Clicquot's Manhattan Polo Classic on Governors Island Saturday afternoon, and there was no clawing scratching catfight now that Kate is dating A-Rod, because her Madgesty doesn't give a shit. [Gatecrasher]
• If you missed the angsty, muscular, fuzzy, werewolfy New Moon trailer, see it here. [NY Daily News]
• Are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt regretting their decision to join the cast of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here? Apparently the couple threatened to quit the show and Heidi bitched, "I wish they got some real celebrities like K-Fed." [RyanSeacrest.com]
• Here are some "leaked" pictures (possibly from a cellphone) of Rihanna and Chris Brown kissing and cuddling, from happier days. [The Sun]
• "Chris Brown Predicts Next Album Will Be His Biggest." [People]
• Although she never confirmed that she is pregnant, Jennifer Hudson had a baby shower in Chicago. [UPI, Chicago Tribune]
• If you ever wanted to lick Daniel Craig's abs, here is your chance: An ice cream company created a purple "licence to chill" popsicle crafted to look like 007 in Casino Royale. As you'll see in the picture, things get real weird below the waist… dude's hands and hips are fused together. [Telegraph]
• Thank Zeus: The rumor that TLC will send the kids to a Swiss boarding school and just have a show called Jon & Kate Unleashed is totally false. [TMZ]
• This weekend, Jon Gosselin was in New York, shopping; Kate Gosselin and the kids (and the bodyguard) were in Bald Head Island, N.C. Separate lives. [MSNBC Scoop]
• The eldest daughter of Billy Bob Thornton has been charged with child neglect; a one-year-old she was babysitting died in October. She and Billy Bob are estranged, but he calls the situation "an unimaginable tragedy." [TMZ]
• Seen having an intimate dinner: Drew Barrymore and Adrien Grenier. Hmm, his eco-mindedness and her flower-child persona could be perfect together! [Perez]
• Stephanie Pratt told Sandra Bullock she was her grandfather's favorite actress. Unsult! Stephanie also said: "Oh, he's dead now, but the two films of yours he used to watch over and over were Miss Congeniality and Pretty Woman." Sandy replied: "Well, if I were actually in 'Pretty Woman' I'd be very flattered." [LA Times]
• Victoria Beckham is freaked out by the earthquakes in L.A. — she and her family are having lessons in a tremor simulator, to learn what to do. Scream and head for a doorframe? [Daily Mail]
• That oh-so-lovely painting of Madonna and Guy Ritchie by artist Peter Howson failed to sell at auction yesterday. Wonder why? [Daily Express]
• Amy Winehouse may have canceled her UK comeback gig, but she is still working on her third album; and this is a picture of Amy strolling the beach and playing guitar, which proves that somehow. [Daily Mail]
• Simon Cowell has spent all week with his "glamorous" ex-girlfriend, Jackie St. Claire. That is a steamy romance novel name, you gotta admit. [Daily Mail]
• At next week's Venice Biennale, Yoko Ono, called here "the world's most famous rock widow" will receive the Golden Lion award for a lifetime's achievement in the visual arts. [Financial Times]
• Donald Trump has changed Miss California USA Carrie Prejean's contract, throwing out the clauses which forbid her from making unauthorized appearances and penning a tell-all book. Her lawyer, who helped work the deal, is also the lawyer for NOM. Naturally. [Perez]
• Some 500 actors, including George Clooney and Tom Hanks, urged members of SAG — the largest U.S. actors union — to vote "yes" on a new contract with Hollywood's major studios on Friday. [Reuters]
• Paul McCartney will be the first musician to perform at Citi Field, the new home of the New York Mets, on July 17. [UPI]
• Catherine Zeta-Jones was paid £1.55m in salary and expenses to appear in a shampoo commercial which will be broadcast in China and Japan; that comes to about at £3,691 for every second she appears on screen. Her hair is super shiny, I must say. [Times of London]
• Katie "Jordan" Price has agreed to give estranged husband Peter Andre a "quickie" divorce. [Daily Mail]
• Will Princess Eugenie join a British reality show based on The Hills? [Daily Mail]
• John Travolta is "struggling" five months after the death of his son, and can't promote his new film, The Taking of Pelham 123. Costar Denzel Washington says: "One moment he's OK and the next he's in tears." [CNN]
• Halle Berry is in talks to star in The Surrogate, a film about a a couple desperate to have a child — and then find out the surrogate they hired to carry their baby is insane. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Lisa Ling has written a statement, pleading for the release of her sister, Laura Ling, as well as journalist Euna Lee, who were arrested in North Korea. It reads, in part: "It has been nearly three months since their arrest… We have been holding our breath… Laura and Euna are journalists who were simply doing their job. They have been charged with 'illegal entry,' and 'hostility to the Korean nation.' We aren't certain of the details of what happened on March 17, but we can say with absolute certainty that when the girls left U.S. soil, they never intended to set foot onto North Korean territory. If at any point a transgression occurred, we sincerely apologize on their behalf." [People]
• Did you know that Spike TV has "Guys Choice" Awards? Well, they do. And Mickey Rourke was named Guy Of The Year on Saturday. Clint Eastwood was given a Brass Balls award. [UPI]
• Constantine Maroulis, who got a Tony nomination for his role in the Broadway show Rock Of Ages, says, "Oh, I'll never win. I'm pretty sure it will go to the guys from Billy Elliot." He also says he would love to do Shakespeare: "I'd cut off my hair tomorrow." [NY Times]
• Haha: Harry Connick Jr. got his tarot cards read by a fortune teller and asked if he "could double down" if the news was good. [Page Six]
• Here's a profile on Tom Barrack, a financier who made billions buying and selling distressed properties — his latest investment is Michael Jackson. [LA Times]
• Lori Petty, aka Tank Girl: Arrested! The charges are felony DUI and allegedly hitting a skateboarder with her car… [TMZ]
• Tonight's the night! Conan O'Brien hosts The Tonight Show. "It's a venerated, beloved NBC franchise," O'Brien says. "That doesn't mean I can't do silly things in that space, but the space itself should be beautiful." [UPI]
• Andy Richter is excited to be back on TV with Conan O'Brien: "I'm not gonna lie to you. A steady paycheck is a very rare thing in show business generally. And specifically right now a very rare thing. That in itself is the sublime revelation. To get that stress lifted, man, life is really nice." [LA Times]
• Sophie Dahl has a book about food and says: "I'm naturally very greedy. I go to bed wondering what to have for breakfast." [Mirror]
• Kylie Minogue and her model man, Andres Velencoso, are about to buy a beachside Villa in Spain. [Daily Express]
• Natasha Richardson left most of her assets to husband Liam Neeson, but also set aside money for her half-sister, a costume designer and and employee in London. [TMZ]
• Scott Weiland's estranged wife, Mary Forsberg, will publish her memoir, Fall To Pieces, in October. As you may know, Weiland was arrested on battery charges while with Forsberg, a former model. Her book is described as a ""visceral, rollercoaster ride inside bipolar disorder, rock 'n' roll, celebrity culture, and the competitive world of modeling from a rock star wife and recovering drug addict." [Daily Express]
• Tom Sizemore will be on the third season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew — but so is his ex-girlfriend, Heidi Fleiss. He was convicted of assaulting her back in 2003. Now they have to share space and airtime. [TMZ]
• Pete Doherty says The Libertines will reunite next year. Just when people have ceased to care! [The Sun]
• "Rock legend Jimi Hendrix was murdered by his manager as part of an insurance scam, a new book by one of his former aides claims." [Daily Mail]
• Words you maybe thought you'd never read: Phil Spector blogging from prison. Just so you know: The authorities took his wig, and he's befriended a cockroach – "I'm naming him Wilson" – and is playing air chess with him. Raise your hand if you think this is fake. [ONTD via Daily Express]
• Blind item! "Which sexy rapper was rolling on Ecstasy during a recent VIP event?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Most of the time I think, deep down, I'm three different people. You have to jump from place to place – go along with the situation. It's different, wherever you are. You gotta roll with it." — Prince Harry. [Mirror]
• "If it happened now, Bill would go to jail."— Mandy Smith on the Rolling Stone (Bill Wyman) who seduced her at the age of 13. She married him in1989, when she was 19 and he was 53. [Daily Mail]
• "He's a good influence. He doesn't drink or do drugs or anything like that. And I have a girlfriend so it's not like I hit on girls with him. He's the best, a very sweet professional and incredibly smart." — Jonah Hill on Russell Brand. [Mirror]
• "I feel sexier now than I did then: it's what's in my head that's sexier. If I could go back and be in my 25-year-old body with my head, boy, would I be dangerous… I've read books like The Beauty Myth. I guess I see it very differently. I don't use beauty products or dye my hair to please anyone else; I don't do it to capture a man, I do it because it's something I enjoy. I think it's innate, something you're born with. Femininity is an amazing quality and with it comes wanting to dress beautifully – as a little girl, it's in your nature. I watched my daughters do it – you don't teach them." — Andie MacDowell. [Daily Mail]
• "We should stop cutting music programmes in schools. It's vitally important that our kids are exposed to music: give them the opportunity to play instruments. It's still a mystery to me, the whole idea of how you write songs, and I've been doing it all my life." — Sting. [BBC News]
• "I'm not one of those people that can suddenly start running and hire a Pilates trainer, it's just not my thing. Walks helped clear my head. I was weighing myself once a week, just trying not to be obsessive about it. I just wanted to feel better; I wanted to feel healthy… It was never about that Hollywood pressure to lose weight, I laugh at that. It was always just an issue of health. Some people have been calling it a comeback, I actually call it a resurfacing." — Nia Vardalos, who slimmed down after blood sugar issues. [People]
• Q:Do you have any advice for aspiring stars? A: "I do. No. 1, stay clean and sober. Say no to drugs and alcohol, especially if you're under 18. No. 2, make sure you have a credible agent [or adult] with you at all times when you go into photography studios. No. 3, when you start out shooting your portfolio, don't let photographers rip you off or steal your money. You only need 10 good pictures. No. 4, make sure your agent is credible." — Janice Dickinson, who has a soon-to-be-released pop song called "Crazy." [Star Tribune]
• "People sometimes think I'm on drugs when I'm not. It's because I am actively in my creative headspace. I operate in a different way to other artists." — Lady GaGa, who is newly single. [News Of The World]
• "They think this is a game show. It isn't. It's arduous. It's fighting hunger. Since I haven't eaten in 32 years, it won't affect me. After I have sex with Sanjaya, he'll come out of the closet and run out of the jungle." — Janice Dickinson, on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. [Page Six]

1.) Cougars!
Babs had a hard time saying it at first…

…but once she did, she liked how it sounded.

A lot.

2.) Sometimes soap opera dialogue sounds like that of a Russ Meyer movie.

3.) Talking about the weather, being judgmental about seat belt safety…Lauren Conrad is the definition of a square snot.

4.) Tyra is square snot².

5.) The Insider suggests the state intervene with Jon and Kate…because they are raising narcissists. Could you imagine the tax hike that would occur should indulgence be made a criteria of neglect/abuse?

6.) But that's business as usual for The Insider.

7.) Did Whoopi fuck Hugh Hefner?

8.) My mom was in The View audience this week. I could recognize her anywhere. Dollars to donuts I hear all about how freezing it was in the studio, and how rude Joy Behar is for not wanting to pose with her during a commercial break, the next time we speak. This is at least the sixth time in 11 years that's she's been an audience member on that show.

9.) How do you call monkeys?

10.) Janice Dickinson was on Finland's Next Top Model, and we posted about how she got wasted, fell down a flight of stairs, and then insulted the contestants by calling them "fucking dumb." However, she was totally blotto when she first arrived on set, acting like Miss Hannigan.