In a move that obviously has nothing to do with brother Michael's $2 billion estate, no, nothing whatsoever, LaToya Jackson has swooped in on miniature heirs Prince, Paris and Blanket Jackson and taken them under her wing. By which I mean she signed them to her talent agency, Ja-Tail Enterprises—which has no other…

Professional semi-endearing obnoxious person Howard Stern has backtracked (not apologized, he clarifies) from ragging on professional semi-endearing obnoxious person Lena Dunham. After Girls co-star Jemima Kirke tipped Dunham off that Stern had called her "a little fat chick who sort of looks like Jonah Hill and keeps…

After weeks of having her house elves prettify the brownstone, last night was Carrie Bradshaw's $40,000-per-person fundraiser for President Barack Obama. Although pixie druid Matthew Broderick was not in attendance (occupied by a performance of his Broadway musical "Nice Work If You Can Get It"), the guests included…

Over the weekend, Britney Spears Tweeted a video of her 3-year-old niece Maddie covering her song "Up N' Down." The line is actually "I know you want me like kids want candy," but Maddie has about 14 years to practice her lip-synching before launching the tribute band Britney One More Time.

• In an upcoming MTV documentary about her, Nicki Minaj discusses how The Showbiz's double-standardism discourages women artists from being more assertive. "When I am assertive, I'm a bitch," she says. "When a man is assertive, he's a boss."

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we roll around in the dirt dug up by In Touch, Star, Life & Style, Ok! and Us. This week: Pixelated blobs at the True Blood wedding! Travolta's weave fridge! Spiced Hamm sandwich!!!

• Doctors have discovered a cancerous tumor in Michael Douglas' throat. He'll undergo eight weeks of radiation and chemotherapy, and says, "I am very optimistic."

• After serving only 14 days of her jail sentence, it looks like Lindsay Lohan won't be spending a full 90 days in rehab either.

• Jamie Lynn Spears has reportedly broken up with Casey Aldridge, the father of her child, and is now dating 28-year-old James Watson, who doesn't care "at all about who she is. They really seem to like each other." [NYDN]

• This morning Charlie Sheen reported that his SUV, which he left in his open garage with the keys in the ignition, had been stolen. Later it was found totaled at the bottom of a ravine.