The universe works in mysterious ways, but occasionally a gear will click into place and simplify at least one aspect of your troubled adult existence. Examples: cheese going on fries, and the fact that Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen are dating. See? Motherfucking TOLD YOU. It's like the plot of The Time Traveler's Wife…
As if Lindsay Lohan smacking a woman at a nightclub after a Justin Bieber concert over some dude from a band called The Wanted didn't already sound like a demented Canterbury Tale written in glitter pen ("Lindsay got drunker and drunker… and it turned Max [George] off"), there is now a whole new dimension of…
First Karl Lagerfeld said she was "too fat" and then he came out and apologized, saying that his words were taken out of context and he too knew the sting of being vilified for your weight in the press. But Adele has come forward to say she couldn't give a fat fuck one way or the other because she's never aspired to…
Finally, that storyline between Vienna, Kasey, and Jake Pavelka is over: after doing everything in his power to maintain his residency at the Bachelor Pad, the other contestants voted him out. That's not to say that Jake didn't put up a good fight — and he would know how to, considering this is his fourth reality…
- Teen Mom star Amber Portwood's boyfriend Gary Shirley has been photographed hooking up with another woman at a club. Amber's dad confirms that they've broken up, adding that it's Gary's fault that Amber hit him on national television.
- While attempting to disguise himself by wearing a baseball cap, thick glasses, and a giant fake mustache in L.A. today, Mel Gibson approached a paparazzo sitting in a car and asked, "What's the matter? Got nothing better to do?"
- In the September issue of Elle, Julia Roberts says she refuses to get Botox because, "Your face tells a story and it shouldn't be a story about your drive to the doctor's office..."
This week the tabs share lurid details from stars' sex lives: Joel cheats on Nicole with a "mystery blond," Kendra describes group sex with Hef, and Jake Pavelka has a penchant for hiding in dark closets...while praying.
- Today Mel Gibson's camp put the word out that he's filed a restraining order against his ex Oksana Grigorieva. However, she actually got a restraining order against him first, claiming domestic violence. She explains, "He's playing dirty."
- In an interview with a British tabloid, Glee creator Ryan Murphy says he's OK with cast members dating each other, "But I have a rule: don't do it in your trailer! They've broken that rule on many occasions..."
- Lindsay Lohan attempted to DJ at a party in London last night with respected DJ Gareth Geno. One partygoer said, "She seemed like a total drunken, incoherent mess... It was really embarrassing to watch."
- Helena Bonham Carter says of her relationship with Tim Burton: