Collins is ready with examples:

"Do you want me to hold something?" he will inquire. "Are you cold?" "Would you like a biscuit?" Adrian Hallewell, a chauffeur in Yorkshire, who has known Bailey since he was a boy, told me, "He keeps a low profile, does he, Christopher."

It's interesting that Burberry chose Bailey  whose father was a carpenter, and whose mother worked as a window-dresser at Marks & Spencer  as its new creative director in 2001, at a time when the venerable English house was trying, artfully and carefully, to distance itself from the appropriation of its brand by a distinctly lower-class kind of customer.

In order to revive Burberry from a beside-the-point position as a legacy brand, then-C.E.O. Rose Marie Bravo made Burberry and its distinctive beige-and-red check ubiquitous  but the paradox of an upscale-but-instantly-recognizable brand is that if it becomes too popular, or suffers from the wrong kind of exposure, the hard-won "upscale" image can evaporate. (Louis Vuitton waged a long-term fight to win back its identification with exclusivity by ending department store sales in favor of only own-store retail in the 1980s, but some would argue that the company's famous monogram  or imitations of it  metastasized to a brand-harming extent during the recent economic boom.)

In England, Burberry had gone from outfitting royalty, military top brass, and explorers to being worn by reality television personalities and second-rate soap opera stars making their first public appearances following septum-repair surgeries. (That would be Danniella Westbrook, of EastEnders, pictured above in 2002 with her daughter.) It used to count Roald Amundsen, Robert Scott, and Sir Ernest Shackleton as customers; by 2002, it had Jade Goody and a contingent of xenophobic soccer hooligans who were particularly fond of a $90 plaid hat.

Burberry stopped making the hat. It also began to devote much of its energies to policing its brand  no more pet products "in the famous Burberry design," or "Chavalier" Vauxhall Chevaliers with customized Burberry paint jobs. (Incidentally, virtually every tacky-Burberry example Collins offers up, including the "Chavalier," Westbrook, and a photo of a woman with Burberry-check acrylic nails, was highlighted in a thoughtful post about the history of the brand and its increasing identification with "chav" and football culture on the blog Finally Woken last November.) After new C.E.O. Angela Ahrendts took over in 2006, she discontinued many licenses and product lines she felt did not represent that brand well, or distracted from its core luxury image: "Burberry used to do little bottles of whiskey," said Bailey, "We're not experts on whiskey, so why the hell would we do whiskey?" Burberry Prorsum, the high-end line founded under Bravo's watch, is now the company's moody torch-bearer. But Bailey, who is understandably sensitive to any accusation of classism in the company's repositioning, especially in the class-fraught British context, is hesitant to cast the change in terms of sidelining "undesirable" customers. "I think that probably a lot of it was counterfeit," says Bailey, of the various Burberry-ish clothing items the paparazzi snapped in the early 2000s. In fact, the designer counts spotting one of his authentic designs in "a kind of skanky pub" as a highlight of his career, so far:

Few things please Bailey more than encountering his work in the nooks and crannies of the British experience  a trenchcoat draped over a Westminster politician's arm, lining out; a checked scarf, worn as a hijab, in the immigration queue at Gatwick. A small triumph of his career was spotting a checked purse that he had designed tucked under a table at a bar in Yorkshire. "It was this kind of skanky pub, and all of a sudden I was like, 'It's actually amazing that this little baby thing that I work on with my gang goes out into the world and then finds its way back to my home town,' " he said. "You want to know the story behind it."

Before coming to Burberry, Bailey worked at Donna Karan, and for another great recent fashion revival case, Gucci under Tom Ford. Although he didn't take much from Ford's sexy Cosmo-cover-line aesthetic, Bailey undoubtedly experienced an object lesson in how to design a venerable house away from the brink of irrelevancy.

Like almost every luxury company known to man, Burberry is facing hard times right now because of the economic crisis; since last fall, the company has laid off employees, closed factories, and still saw a 2008 loss of $8 million. (Perhaps partly because, as Collins notes, the company moved into expensive new purpose-built headquarters in London last November.) Nonetheless, Burberry has fared well enough since listing on the London Stock Exchange in 2004. Today, the company made the news when it was forecast to crack the FTSE 100 by the end of this week. With the news that Jaeger-reviver Harold Tillman is buying the fusty, bankrupt British classic outerwear label Aquascutum  with plans for a grand shake-up in place, according to British Vogue  it's clear that there are plenty of others seeking to meet the same challenges Burberry faced so recently.

Check Mate: Burberry's Working-Class Hero [New Yorker]
Harold Tillman Acquires Acquascutum [Vogue UK]
Burberry To Check In To FTSE 100 [FT]
Thinking About Buying Burberry? [Finally Woken]

• Katherine Jackson, Michael Jackson's mother, has filed a petition in court seeking legal guardianship of Jackson's three children, but the Jackson family thinks Debbie Rowe may try to get custody of her two children.

• A family source says, "Debbie sent her condolences, and said she was not going to do anything about the kids ... yet. Joe and Katherine think she's going to come after them." [People]
• Katherine Jackson's petition says the kids have, "a long established relationship" with her, but "no relationship with their biological mother." Debbie Rowe is named as the mother of the two oldest children, but in the box next to Prince "Blanket" Michael Jackson II's name under "mother" it says "none." A hearing about the petition is set for August 3. [TMZ]
• In this clip from Today, Jackson family lawyer Londell McMillan says Michael Jackson's children will most likely remain with their grandmother, who currently has custody. [TMZ]
• Katherine and Joe Jackson have filed a petition to probate their son Michael Jackson's estate. They say Michael died without a will and are seeking to take possession of his assets for "for the exclusive use of [his] three children." [People]
• Michael Jackson's longtime lawyer John Branca has a copy of his most current will and intends to file it with the court. The Jackson family hasn't seen a copy. [TMZ]
• Sources say it's looking more and more like Michael Jackson died from a drug overdose. [TMZ]
• A lawyer for Dr. Conrad Murray appeared on Good Morning America this morning and explained that even though CPR is usually performed on a hard surface, it was OK that Murray gave Michael Jackson CPR where he found him because it was a "firm bed." [TMZ]
• As mentioned earlier, reports about findings from Michael Jackson's autopsy were totally fake. The L.A. County coroner released this statement: "The report that is being published did not come from this office. I don't know where the information came from, or who that information came from. It is not accurate. Some of it is totally false." [TMZ]
• OK! paid $500,000 to put the picture of Michael Jackson dying on a stretcher on the cover. The other tabloids supposedly have tribute-style covers coming out on Wednesday. OK! has been losing money and ran the gruesome cover in an attempt to differentiate itself from the other mags. More in Midweek Madness. [Media Week]
• Here are some photos of Michael Jackson rehearsing for his London concerts two days before he died. [TMZ]
• In an interview, Marlon Jackson says his brother Michael wasn't in a wheelchair and was doing well when he saw him last month. Marlon adds that he hasn't been able to get in touch with his mom since Michael's death. "I've been trying to get a hold of my mom. I talked to Jackie. I talked to Tito. They feel the same way. A piece of our hear a piece of us went with him. It was a shock to them, too. I talked to my brother Jackie and he said, 'Marlon, is it true?' I said, 'I'm calling them right now to see if it's true.' That's when I called [Michael's manager] Frank Dileo and I couldn't get to my mom. I talked to him the first time and he was at the house and my mom was in the background crying, and she was just upset... It's like when anyone else loses their family member. It hurts. It hurts right now. It really hurts." [CNN]
• Quincy Jones got emotional at a London nightclub when Will.i.am started playing a tribute to Michael Jackson. "He got very upset when Michael's music came on – at one point his head was in his hands," said a source at the club. "but [Jones] loved the fact that people were going crazy on the dancefloor. Quincy seemed genuinely touched." [People]
• Jack Tweed says Michael Jackson called his late wife Jade Goody while she was dying of cancer. "He wanted to speak to Jade but Jade wasn't well enough to speak to him so I had to phone him," Tweed said. "It was very weird. He just went, 'Hello, Jack, this is Michael Jackson. Just giving his love for Jade really, and he wanted Jade to see him in his concerts in the O2." [The Sun]
• Diane Keaton hit her head while filming Morning Glory in New York had to be removed by stretcher. A studio rep says she was, "taken to a hospital for precautionary tests and has been cleared to return to work tomorrow." Keaton was wearing a sumo wrestler costume for a scene in the film when she was injured. [TMZ]
• The medical examiner who performed Billy Mays' autopsy says there was no connection between his death and the head injury he suffered during a rough plane landing. The autopsy showed "hypertensive and arteriosclerotic disease of the heart"  which means he probably died of a heart attack in his sleep. The official cause of death will be announced after test results come in. [TMZAP]
• Here's an in-depth legal explanation of Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce papers. Basically, they followed standard procedure for a no-fault divorce. [People]
• Tonight's episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 will feature a retrospective of the Gosselin's 10 year marriage, then the show will go on hiatus until August 3. They have posted a statement on their website saying, "During this very difficult time we will be working to focus solely on the needs of our family. This includes no longer commenting publicly or reacting to media stories and speculation. Our goal is to do the very best for our children and that will be done as privately as possible. We appreciate the understanding, support and well wishes from so many. Thank you." [People]
• Among the shows picked up by VH1 are three new series starring Salt n Pepa's Sandra "Pepa" Denton, TLC's Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas, and I Love NY participant Frank "the Entertainer" Moresco. New seasons of Celebrity Fit Club and Sober House With Dr. Drew were also picked up. [Variety]
• Drea de Matteo of The Sopranos will join the cast of Desperate Housewives as the matriarch of a new Italian family on the show. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay have signed a deal to stay on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit for the next two years. Also, Christine Lahti will guest star in the first four episodes next season and former regular Stephanie March will be back starting with episode five. [Variety]
• Sean Connery is annoyed because 300 BBC employees were sent to cover the music festival in Glastonbury this weekend, but none were sent to the Edinburgh International Film Festival, which he sponsors. Conncery said, "Not one (BBC technician) at the Edinburgh International Film Festival. It affects us all, it certainly affects me, and I think we should do something about it." [The Daily Express]
• Jordan says she isn't dating any of the men she's been seen out with since breaking up with Peter Andre. "Yes I've been seen with Anthony Lowther, and yes I've been seen with my ex Matt Peacock," she said. "There's nothing going on with either of them, it's just speculating like usual. What you have to remember is that Pete left me at the end of the day, but I don't want to go down that road." [The Sun]
• French filmmaker Luc Besson's movie company €was fined $140,580 for the death of a cameraman who was hit by a car during a 1999 stunt shoot for Taxi 2. The head stunt director was given a six-month suspended prison sentence. [Yahoo]
• Hayden Panettiere says, "My biggest crush was in the second grade on this kid named Mike. He was really good at kickball." Things didn't work out because Mike had a crush on her best friend and, "I was jealous, so I told her that he told me that he had a crush on both of us. So it made me feel a little bit better about the whole thing." [E!]
• Gene Simmons says Adam Lambert, "killed his career because now the conversation is not about his talent but about his sexual preference. He's done. I hope I'm completely wrong. I hope he becomes the next Beatles and proves me wrong." [Fox 23]
• New York Magazine asked Michael Urie of Ugly Betty if he thinks saying, "I'm Gay," would stop him from getting roles. He replied: "That's not really the point. By using publicity to say something like that, it could become a person's M.O, and I'm not interested in that. I really think this article should be about [his new play] The Temperamentals. I understand where you're coming from and why you think this is important and that this is a play about being true to yourself. But artists and activists are not quite the same thing, and I feel like support can come from lots of different ways... I don't think it's really newsworthy if the gay guy from Ugly Betty is gay or not." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Emma Watson says she didn't know that she had a £10 million fortune until she turned 18 last year. "My dad never told me how much money I was earning," she said, "Then, when I hit 18, he was like, 'I want you to understand that your money isn't some kind of abstract concept. I want you to have a feel for what it's worth and what you can do with it." [The Mirror]
• Abigail Breslin makes about $2 million per movie now, but she only saw a $1 pay raise. "I get $13 [a week] now, because I'm 13," she said. "My chores have gotten a little heavier. My brother used to always to feed the cat and now I feed the cat, which isn't a big deal, but it kind of is, because my cat eats tons. It's like an all-day long cycle." [People]

• Scarlett Johansson blogged about tabloid accusations that she's losing weight in preparation for Iron Man 2. She writes: "If I were to lose 14 pounds, I'd have to part with both arms. And a foot."

• She says that while she is working out to fit into her superhero catsuit, reports that she's crash dieting are untrue. "I'm frustrated with the irresponsibility of tabloid media who sell the public ideas about what we should look like and how we should get there," she writes. "I would be absolutely mortified to discover that some 15-year-old girl in Kansas City read one of these 'articles' and decided she wasn't going to eat for a couple of weeks so she too could 'crash diet' and look like Scarlett Johansson." [The Huffington Post]
• Phil Spector was found guilty today of second-degree murder in his retrial for the death of actress Lana Clarkson. He faces a minimum of 18 years in prison. [Rolling Stone]
• After Easter services, Mel Gibson confirmed to a fellow parishioner that his wife of 28 years, Robyn Gibson has filed for divorce. Sources say they've actually been separated for the past three years. She is seeking joint custody of their 9-year-old son. [People]
• Mel Gibson has filed his response, and it only took a matter of hours. In documents available at the link, he says he and Robyn separated less than a month after his DUI arrest. He says the reason for divorce is "irreconcilable differences." [TMZ]
• Madonna emailed The Nation, a Malawian newspaper and said: "I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and health care possible ... It's my hope that she, like David, will one day return to Malawi and help the people of their country." [CNN]
• Madonna has also released this photo of her cradling a sleeping Mercy in her arms. [The Daily Mail]
• Someone broke into Tila Tequila's house this morning and posted on her Twitter: "I just broke into her house, killed her and her dog. Logged onto Twitter to tell you guys. She was signed on already. Tila Tequila is dead." The real Tila then wrote that she's OK, but someone broke in, locked her dog in her trunk, and posted on her Twitter. [MSNBC, ONTD]
• Jon Eardley, the lawyer tried to free Britney Spears from her conservatorship, supposedly at her request, has asked a judge to require Brit to take time out of her Circus tour to testify in court. The conservatorship is currently trying to file a restraining order against Eardley. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan's new post-breakup tattoo ion her inner wrist is of a quote from Marilyn Monroe. It says: "Everyone's a star and deserves the right to twinkle," and is surrounded by stars.[People]
• Miley Cyrus went to lunch with her ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas and her current boyfriend Justin Gaston was nowhere to be found. [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell may leave American Idol when his contract runs out next year because he can't handle filming the show, as well as two reality shows in Britain. "I don't want to come over as whiney because I am very grateful that I have got these jobs," he said. "But there is a point where I am not sure we can keep this schedule up." [Access Hollywood]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were photographed leaving an IVF clinic in San Diego. [Perez Hilton]
• Artist Mark McGowan is putting on a show in which he'll reenacting the final hours of Jade Goody's life. [The Mirror]
• Here's video of Paul Rudd singing and dancing on Sesame Street while wearing a giant planet Earth costume. [Video Gum]
• Lo Bosworth says even though Lauren Conrad has left The Hills she thinks Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag could carry the show themselves. She adds: "[Lauren] hasn't filmed in weeks and she's really excited about that… I think she'll come back for special occasions and stuff, but we just don't know how many episodes she'll return for or if there will be another season. It's really just all up in the air." [Perez Hilton]
• Watch this preview clip of Spencer from tonight's episode and decide for yourself. [People]
• And here's another clip featuring Heidi telling Spencer that they need couple's therapy. [Perez Hilton]
• Lauren Conrad is going to guest star on Family Guy. The episode will air on May 3 and she will date Brian. [People]
• Mark Wahlberg and James Franco have joined the cast of the Tina Fey-Steve Carell film Date Night. [Variety]
• A New Moon insider says, "I hear that Kristen [Stewart] and Rob [Pattinson]'s 'teams' are having an emergency meeting," which apparently means that they are dating. [E!]
• Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi posed naked in Allure and exposed a scar on her arm that she got when she was 14. "I love it because it makes me a person who has an interesting past, and it reminds me that I can survive any pain," she says. [People]
• Jason Priestley and his wife Naomi Lowde are expecting their second child. [Us]
• Ralph Fiennes will star in "The Men at the Pru, which is co-written and co-directed by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. [UPI]
• "I feel like a tranny a lot of the time ... I don't know, I'm ... large? They put me in six-inch heels, and I tower over every man. I've got this long hair and lots of clothes and makeup on. I just feel really big a lot of the time, and I'm surrounded by a lot of tiny people. I feel like a man sometimes." - Blake Lively. [ONTD]
• Drew Barrymore says it took four to six hours to apply the aging makeup to play Little Edie Beale in Grey Gardens. Drew said: "My face suffered as a result. We ended up with skin issues I'd never had before because I developed an allergy to chemicals in isopropyl, the alcohol used in removing cosmetics. A constancy of prosthetics also created a sensitivity to adhesives, and our makeup people had to find alternatives." [The Daily Express]
• The executor of Dee Dee Ramone's estate has gone to court to stop publication of the book Poisoned Heart: I Married Dee Dee Ramone by the late bassist's first wife. [AP]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck has written book on eating gleuten free called The G Free Diet. She says: "My grandmother was giving me her meatball-and-sauce recipe ... When she got to the part about adding breadcrumbs, she looked up at me and said, 'Elisabeth, you can add whatever you want here.' I thought, if my Italian grandmother can understand being G-free, anyone can." [People]
• Annie Lennox had surgery to surgery to release a trapped nerve in her back six months ago and says she may never be able to perform again. "When I had the surgery, I didn't even know if I would be able to walk again properly. My foot is still not right  it is kind of permanently numb. And it is a strange thing to live with, really," said Lennox. "I have been doing physical therapy and I still don't know if it will ever be back to normal again. ... I don't think I could do a normal concert any more at this point in time." [UPI]
• Kanye West was a good sport about the South Park episode mocking him at first, but the joke may be getting old. He blogged: "SOUTH PARK pt. 3 I WAS AT CHEESECAKE FACTORY YESTERDAY AND THE MANAGER BROUGHT ME A PLATE OF FISH STICKS... (in a sarcastic tone) uuuuuuum, GREAT! : /" [The Atlantic]

• The Malawi Human Rights Commission is stepping in to help Madonna appeal her adoption case. Sources say three-year-old Mercy James "understands what's going on" and has been asking, "Where is Mummy? Where is Lola?" [People]

• Nadya Suleman says she may apply for welfare. "If I need to apply for [the Women, Infants and Children program] to provide my babies with formula, then I'm going to," she said. [Whittier Daily News]
• Woody Harrelson attacked a TMZ photographer again at the airport. Along with the video TMZ posted this description: "Our photog says Woody smashed the camera to the ground, breaking it. Harrelson then picked the camera up and began walking away with it. The photog followed Woody, claiming he was assaulted and demanded that Woody return the camera. That's when Harrelson attacked again, striking the photog repeatedly and grabbing his neck. Our cameraman shot the action with his flip cam." [TMZ]
• Kate Hudson broke up with Owen Wilson again. A source says, "Owen wants to get married and he proposed to Kate soon after they got back together. But she's not ready." [Perez Hilton]
• The National Enquirer claims that Billy Joel's wife, Katie Lee, is cheating on him with Yigal Azrouel, a handsome 36-year-old Israeli-born fashion designer. [National Enquirer]
• Rihanna visited a six-year-old fan who has leukemia in the hospital. [People]
• Oprah Winfrey has teamed up with the FBI about to warn people that scammers are sending people emails saying they have been nominated to appear on an episode of Oprah and possibly win $1 million. All they have to do is click a link to buy plane tickets to Chicago from the sender. [People]
• Paul McCartney's website was hacked, but it's fixed now. [The Daily Express]
• Unlike ex-wife Heather Mills, Paul McCartney's girlfriend of one year, Nancy Shevell, is popular with his kids. [People]
• Jennifer Lopez won a cybersquatting case against a man who registered two websites that used her name to make a profit. The man had to turn the domain names over to the Jennifer Lopez Foundation. [Reuters]
• One room in Jennifer Lopez's home is devoted entirely to wigs. "Jennifer keeps the door locked and hardly ever lets anyone in the room, not even Marc," says a source. "The shelves on the walls are full of plastic heads holding the best hairpieces money can buy." [Star]
• Jade Goody's dying wish was to have a wax statue made of her at Madame Tussauds so that her boys could still see her. The museum says they are considering it and sources say they are considering a figure that talks and moves, saying Goody's most famous sayings such as: "Rio de Janeiro, ain't that a person?" and, "Where's East Angular though?" [The Daily Mail]
• Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr said, "Yeah, one day down the line, of course I'd love to be a mum - it's definitely something I'd like to do," which is a big deal because she's dating Orlando Bloom. [The Daily Mail]
• Real Housewives of New York City star Countess LuAnn de Lesseps said she and her husband were separated for three months when he sent her an email saying he was seeing someone else and it was serious. "I was devastated," she says. "I knew that we were kind of separating, but I was hoping that things were going to work out." [People]
• Heidi Klum's 64-year-old father, Gunther, is in a German hospital recovering from a stroke. [The Sun]
• The falconer who supplied the owls for the Harry Potter movies plead guilty to 17 charges of causing unnecessary suffering to his 42 birds and 11 chickens. He was accused of keeping the animals in "filthy, squalid abandon." [The Sun]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were in a just in a fender bender in L.A. We know this because Mariah Twittered: "so this is why I don't drive,or get up early. Just got into a little car accident in la..but we're all ok. Neither of us were driving." [TMZ]
• David Caruso is being sued by a woman who says he fathered her two children and promised to love her forever. But he broke up with her when their second child was born and she says he owes her the $1 million he promised her. [TMZ]
• Martha Stewart's daughter, Alexis Stewart, is suing her accountant because she says he calculated her taxes incorrectly and she had to pay $900,000 in back taxes and a $110,000 fine after an IRS audit. [NY Post]
• Kim Kardashian has big dreams for her career. "I would like die to be in Twilight," says Kim, "being around all those hot guys. I want to be a vampire." She adds, "I would love to be a Bond girl, that would be my dream of life." [People]
• An Australian woman stalking American Idol reject Diana DeGarmo is being held without bail until a hearing in May. [Yahoo]
• Bad news on Dollhouse. Joss Whedon says that FOX is only airing episode 12 and episode 13, the season finale, will only be available on DVD. [NY Magazine]
• James Gandolfini has asked a judge to ban camera from the courtroom when he testifies against a man he's accused of choking and punching in an airport. The fight started when the man greeted Gandolfini with his Tony Soprano impression. [Daily Express]
• Is Gabrielle Union pregnant with Dwayne Wade's baby or not? [ONTD]
• Spencer Pratt uploaded a picture to his Twitter, but when people pointed out there was a bong in the background he took it down. [Perez Hilton]
• Russell Brand is back on UK radio. He had to resign from BBC Radio 2 a few months ago after he left obscene messages on the answering machine of actor Andrew Sachs as part of his show. [Independent]
• Katie Holmes will read the story of a veteran during this year's National Memorial Day Concert in D.C. [E!]
• Miley Cyrus says her 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston has brought her closer to God. "I've never been closer to the Lord since I met him," said Cyrus. "He's really made me read my Bible. He's made me actually read the stories in the Bible  not the quick little verses  that not only help me, but show you how to help other people." [Us]
• Miley Cyrus told Tyra Banks that she's cool with invading her boyfriend's privacy. "I go through their text [messages]," she tells Tyra. "I see if they're nice to their mom, because if they're mean to their mom they're going to be mean to me." Cyrus adds, "It's so much better than going through their phone and stuff because they always know." [People]
• Benjamin McKenzie reveals in this lengthy interview that he watches 30 Rock and Mad Men and he still keeps in touch with the Cohen family from The O.C., but not the ladies of the show. He says: "Adam Brody and I live not too far from each other and I see him quite a bit. Peter Gallagher and I stay in touch. Kelly Rowan and I stay in touch. Josh Schwartz every once in awhile. That's about it." [Just Jared]
• Chris Isaak talked to Yusuf, the artist formerly known as Cat Stevens, and this is what he had to say: "The way in which I kind of unplugged and walked away was abrupt, and it needn't have been that way," said Yusuf "And perhaps that was because of my naiveté. I was always a little bit naïve. I thought people would understand that when I'd written a song called 'On The Road To Find Out,' that if I happened to one day find something out, they might expect, 'Well, he might disappear then.'" [The Huffington Post]
• If you missed last night's South Park, you should watch this video about Kanye West's legendary love of "fish sticks." [Perez Hilton]
• Here's Kanye West's response to the episode: "SOUTH PARK MURDERED ME LAST NIGHT AND IT'S PRETTY FUNNY. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BUT WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOUTH PARK! I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY EGO THOUGH. HAVING THE CRAZY EGO IS PLAYED OUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND CAREER. I USE TO USE IT TO BUILD UP MY ESTEEM WHEN NOBODY BELIEVED IN ME. NOW THAT PEOPLE DO BELIEVE AND SUPPORT MY MUSIC AND PRODUCTS THE BEST RESPONSE IS THANK YOU INSTEAD OF "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" IT'S COOL TO TALK SHIT WHEN YOU'RE RAPPING BUT NOT IN REAL LIFE. WHEN YOU MEET LITTLE WAYNE IN PERSON HE'S THE NICEST GUY FOR EXAMPLE. I JUST WANNA BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM. I NEED TO JUST GET PAST MYSELF. DROP THE BRAVADO AND JUST MAKE DOPE PRODUCT. EVERYTHING IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. AS LONG AS PEOPLE THINK I ACT LIKE A BITCH THIS TYPE OF SHIT WILL HAPPEN TO ME. I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I'M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE BUT I'M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I'M SURE THE WRITERS AT SOUTH PARK ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DRAW MY CREW. THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY ALSO!! I'M SURE THERE'S GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS... THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S ME!" [ONTD]

• Gisele Bundchen married Tom Brady again, this time in Costa Rica. They first got hitched in the U.S. in February. These days you can't be a celebrity and not have two or three ceremonies. [Breitbart, Mirror]

• Oh! But! There was gunfire at Gisele's wedding: Bodyguards shot at paparazzi. No one was injured, but the back window on an SUV was shattered. Says one snapper: "I could have lost my life for the sale of some pictures that Gisele didn't want published. Are they insane?" [NY Post]
• Madonna reportedly "shrieked in horror" when she found out that a judge was denying her adoption of Mercy. [Pop Dirt]
• Madonna has left Malawi in her private jet and is headed for London. [Star Tribune]
• Madonna is said to be "in pieces." [Daily Mail]
• And now Madonna is back in the UK; Guy Ritchie met her at the airport. They didn't seem to speak to each other but he had a big hug for David. [Daily Mail]
• Rihanna is partying in Barbados  it's her grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. Her father says the singer is "back to herself." [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, Chris Brown is due in court today where he will do some "intense" plea dealing. [NY Daily News]
• Over the weekend, news broke that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a huge fight and that Sam changed the locks at her house. Ouch! [TMZ]
• Lindsay was specifically asked not to attend a Charlotte Ronson party but showed up anyway. [Socialite Life]
• Did Lindsay go on a Twitter tirade? This report says she wrote: "Being cheated on does wonders to you. I'm doing this publicly because u&ur friends call People [magazine]. So you win, you broke my heart. Now go away. I loved you." So wait, Sam cheated? Also, not so long ago, you couldn't get LL to admit she was IN a gay relationship; now she announces the details to the whole world??? [This Is London]
• Farrah Fawcett, who has been battling cancer for almost three years, is in a hospital in L.A. [Reuters, RadarOnline]
• Meanwhile, her son, Redmond O'Neal, was busted for drugs yesterday. In the parking lot of a prison. Not a joke. Also, Ryan O'Neal says Farrah just went in for a procedure and "is not at death's door." [NY Post, EW]
• This report says the end is near for Farrah Fawcett. [MSNBC Scoop]
• This paper claims that doctors fear the worst for Farrah. [NY Post]
• Scandalous: Jennifer Aniston was seen smiling and laughing and generally having fun. [Gatecrasher]
• Dear Beyoncé, the bangs and the heels are understandable, but the suspenders? [Daily Mail]
• Paris Hilton says of Doug Reinhardt: "We're best friends. It's not like we just met. We've known each other over the past year. I was in a relationship before and we reconnected. I'm really in love and really happy. He's going to be my husband." Does that sound like a threat? [E!]
• There's a sneak peak of season five of The Hills up, and apparently the big question is whether Heidi and Lauren will reconcile. But the even bigger question is: Does anyone still care? [E!]
• Speaking of The Hills, Lauren Conrad's new guy, Kyle Howard, wants to marry her, so he took her mom and dad out for lunch  and picked up the tab. [Star]
• Ryan Gosling has a band, and the band has a video, and it's here. [Pop Sugar]
• Oh, Christ: After enduring all kinds of shit for those bikini pictures, now this headline from the Daily Fail: "Has Jennifer Love Hewitt Lost Too Much Weight?" [Daily Mail]
• Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher are shooting a flick called Five Killers and it appears that they kiss. [Socialite Life]
• "How Poor Suri Cruise Has Become A Style Victim At Just Three Years Of Age." [Daily Mail]
• Behold: Victoria Beckham in enormous shoulder pads. [Daily Mail]
• Gossip Girl's Blake Lively and Penn Badgley have left the country to vacation in Thailand and you have not. [Just Jared]
• It's not that Serena Williams can't find a pair of bikini bottoms that fit, it's that her derriere is awesome and will not be held down! [Daily Mail]
• Anna Kournikova took part in a triathlon in Miami on Sunday. [Daily Mail]
• Ooh, Seal will sing the National Anthem at the Red Sox/Tampa Bay Rays game today! [The Star]
• You may find this hard to believe, but Gary Coleman regrets doing a movie titled Midgets vs. Mascots. He has a YouTube rant explaining his mortgage made him do it. [Page Six]
• Possible new couple: 50 Cent and Ciara. [Page Six]
• Bai Ling wants you to know that Bai Ling never had sex with Mickey Rourke. [Page Six]
• A square-faced Jack Black slays demons with his guitar in a new video game called Brutal Legend. Check out his heart-shaped soul patch! [Wired]
• Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are not only back on, but looking for a "love nest" in Santa Monica. Megan wants ocean views because "she loves the beach and spotting dolphins." [Star Magazine]
• The series finale of ER did okay, ratings-wise, but not as well as Cheers or Friends. [AdAge]
• Miley Cyrus' wardrobe in the Hannah Montana movie is "clean cut, wholesome and decidedly demure." Are times changing?!?! [LA Times]
• Between Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift and Julianne Hough, women ruled at the Academy of Country Music Awards. Do you have to be blonde and toothy, or is it just a coincidence? [Yahoo News ia AP]
• Christina Ricci will star in a "porn-tinged comedy" co-written by Adam Sandler. She'll play "an innocent girlfriend." [Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Hudson's fans worry about her and can't stop talking about how they hope she doesn't cry while she is singing. [Washington Post]
• Jennifer Hudson says, "I'm fine, I'm happy." [USA Today]
• By now you must have heard: Demi Moore saved a suicidal woman's life via Twitter? [The Star]
• Brandon Michael Vayda, who plays Mike on 90210, pulled some guy out of a taxi and "beat the living crap out of him" outside of a nightclub. [TMZ]
• Alex DeSilva, a choreographer from So You Think You Can Dance, was arrested Saturday and charged with four counts of sexual assault. All of his victims were his students at the time. [E!]
• Fox's Roger Friedman wrote about the leaked flick Wolverine (which the FBI is investigating) in his column, saying, "It took really less than seconds to start playing it all right onto my computer." Now he's been fired. Whoops! [NY Times]
• Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr sang together for the first time in years at a benefit to introduce children to transcendental meditation. And yes, David Lynch runs the foundation in question. [Breitbart]
• Jeff Beck, Metallica, Run-DMC, Bobby Womack and Little Anthony and the Imperials were inducted into the hall of fame over the weekend. [NY Times]
• Fast & Furious sped away with a $72.5 million box office, which is huge. Huge. [Breitbart]
• Thousands lined the streets of London and Essex at the funeral of Jade Goody, which this paper calls "Princess Diana-style." [Daily Mail]'
• Jade Goody's family says they don't want her grave to be a shrine, "trampled by strangers." [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which C-list Hollywood stud was so drunk and desperate that he showed up at the home of an L.A. gossip reporter and demanded a booty call? Guess what, folks? She accepted!" [Gatecrasher]
• "There's a time for celebration and I partake, sure. But you know, it's important not to let that become too big of a distraction. The more you have access to, the harder it is to remain focused. You know what, I do not want to fall victim to that, it's too easy and too often done. It's out of style anyway, I think too many people have done it before me, I'm not going to. It's uncool, yeah. I think the rebellious thing to do would to actually be successful."  Zac Efron on drinking and the Hollywood party scene. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I'm excited to not have everything scheduled in advance. I can just call up a friend and grab lunch. I can wear white when I want to  I could never do that on camera. I can go backless!"  Lauren Conrad, on her plans for her life after The Hills. [LA Times]
• "It's kind of like a self-aware observational comedy of the simplest thing in the world, which isn't so simple."  Bob Saget on his new show, Surviving Suburbia. [NY Daily News]
• "People will always say that I'm over-exposed and that's what I want, all this attention. That's not it. What I love is the art of it all."  Miley Cyrus. [NY Daily News]
• "Somebody said to me 'Well, you know what? You just got such a big mouth and you just know how to talk to people. Did you ever think about runnin' for president?' I said 'I think we've had enough boobs in the White House.'"  Dolly Parton. [CBS News]
• "Some of my best compliments are on a $15 Ross dress. Ross gets you a weird look, but I've rocked two or three good pieces from there over the years."  Rosario Dawson. [New York Mag]
• "Well, I certainly got hit on a lot. And a lotta men thought I was as silly as I looked, I guess. You know, I look like a woman but I think like a man. And in this world of business, that has helped me a lot. Because by the time they think that I don't know what's goin' on, I then got the money, and gone."  Dolly Parton. [CBS News]

• Nadya Suleman was on Dr. Phil's show yesterday via telephone, talking about why she fired her baby nurses:

"Myself and my nannies felt extremely uncomfortable. I personally felt like a stranger in my own home. I felt as though every time I tried to hold the babies, feed the babies, they would be observing and they were waiting for me to make a mistake." Hmm. Probably true. [E!]

• Rihanna and Chris Brown are indeed "taking a break." "Jay-Z told Rihanna she needs to cut things out with Chris, at least in public," says an unnamed source. Yes! Good idea! [MSNBC Scoop via Us Weekly]
• Chris Brown was supposed to have a "private court meeting" Monday, but it was canceled. [E!]
• Kate Moss went to an East London tattoo parlor and got a bunch of piercings in her ear; she now has six holes in one lobe. Newsy! [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Aniston's hoodie is out-of-control, but an effective way to keep your face out of the paper. [Daily Mail]
• What do we think about Julianne Moore playing Hillary Clinton in a new flick? She doesn't really look like HRC, but JM can pull off anything. [NY Daily News]
• Sparkly vampire down! Robert Pattinson was smacked in the head by a sign on the set of New Moon. [Socialite Life]
• This story about Bruce Willis hand-picking his new wife at a casting call ignores the fact that the woman has emotions and thoughts of her own. She didn't have to go out with him. [Page Six]
• Coco Arquette, 4, daughter of David Arquette and Courteney Cox, is considereing modeling. [Mirror]
• Jennifer Hudson is scheduled to tape her American Idol performance today; the appearance will air on an upcoming ep. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Prince Harry went to some kind of "rave for posh people" wearing pink nail polish and a black wig. While there, he chatted up his ex, Chelsy Davy. Reunited and it fees so good? [Daily Mail]
• Here's a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker's stunt double, and that stunt double's underwear. [Daily Mail]
• Cops say that three-car-crash involvng T.R. Knight was caused by T.R. Knight. [E!]
• Juicy and delicious: The feud between Antony Bourdain and Rachael Ray has been taken down to a simmer, now that Bourdain found out RR likes the New York Dolls. We writes: "I don't know whether to go out and shoot a puppy, or send Rachael a fruit basket." [Gatecrasher]
• Gloria Vanderbilt, aka Anderson Cooper's mother, has an erotic novel called Obsession. Awesome or awful? [EW]
• Freida Pinto's been cast in a Julian Schnabel film; she's also shooting a Woody Allen flick in the summer. [Page Six]
• Cameron Diaz has been cast in Swingles, a romcom with "a 21st century When Harry Met Sally vibe." Here's a guess: She'll be goofy and giggly, and dance. [Hollywood Reporter]
• U2's massive new stage setup is something called "The Claw." It looks like an alien invasion, but it's supposed to bring the band closer to the crowd. [Rolling Stone]
• Flight Of The Conchords: The Movie? Maybe! [Mirror]
• Veronica Mars movie? Nope. [NY Mag]
• Josh Schwartz, the dude behind Gossip Girl, Chuck and The OC, has a new web series called Rockville CA: Two hipsters spend their nights at an LA rock club; each ep features performances by up and coming bands. [USA Today]
• Denise Richards got the boot on Dancing With The Stars. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Josh Groban's rep wants you to know that Josh and Katy Perry are friends but not, repeat, NOT a couple. [People]
• Star Jones has a new blog, in case you're dying to know about the scar on her chest or her thyroid. [E!]
• The rumor about Parks and Recreation being meh could be circulating because gossip columnist Nikki Finke hates NBC's Ben Silverman. [NY Mag]
• Michael Jackson would like to enter his London concerts riding an elephant, thank you very much. [Mirror]
• "Jade Goody and Princess Diana had so much in common." Pardon? [Daily Mail]
• Finish your Kirk chairs: Sunday's episode of Family Guy reunites the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation. [e!]
• Fred Astaire: Secretly racist? Sigh. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which hot actor is clueless about his GF's cocaine addiction? His lady waits until he's off promoting a film before throwing wild drug bashes at their home." [Gaetcrasher]
• "He is hilarious to me. I just got it. Every time I drove to record his voice, I was excited about coming up with this funny stuff to say. I felt like I accomplished something, making a movie kids like that is as hilarious as anything that is out there. [But] I did a meet-and-greet with kids after the premiere in Australia. I realized kids just don't like Seth Rogen. I scare the (bleep) out of them. Maybe it's my laugh or that I'm a big, hairy guy. They just don't like me."  Seth Rogen, on playing B.O.B. in Monsters Vs. Aliens. [USA Today]
• "He stinks. I mean, it's awful. He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy."  an insider on New Moon actor Robert Pattinson. [Perez]

• Lindsay Lohan a liar? In the latest issue of Nylon, LL says she's hoping to work with Seth Rogen but "Seth won't call us back." Rogen says:

"That's not true  I never got a call from anyone that works for her." [The Star]

• More Lindsay Lohan drama: A source says she "is spending like crazy" and is living on credit right now. And most of the cash she spends? It's Samantha's. [Gatecrasher]
• Sad face! Agyness Deyn and Albert Hammond Jr. broke up. [NY Mag]
• Has Madonna dumped Jesus Luz? [Just Jared]
• This report says Jesus recently said: "Madonna has an amazing body, is a sexy, kind person and a great mother. The difference in our ages means nothing. She looks like a 30-year-old and has a youthful personality to go with it. I love her and nothing else matters." Which sounds like they are not broken up. [PopDirt]
• By the by, Madonna's nanny gave notice, then her Madgesty told her to leave, immediately. [Daily Mail]
• This paper claims that Guy Ritchie has a black eye, but the photographic evidence is sketchy. [The Sun]
• Jade Goody, dental assistant turned reality-TV star, died Sunday at the age of 27. [AP, NY Times]
• The Jade Goody farewell will be planned by her family. [Mirror]
• Jade Goody leaves behind £4 million for her sons. [Telegraph]
• Amy Winehouse's label isn't thrilled with her new music; they were expecting her "trademark vintage soul" sound and she is now "heavily influenced by reggae," naturally. [The Sun]
• "Bruce Willis Ties Knot With Underwear Model" means he married a woman who has posed for Victoria's Secret. The ceremony took place at Parrot Bay in the Turks & Caicos. [Breitbart, Yahoo via AP]
• Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher and Rumer, Scout and Tallulah attended the wedding. [Star]
• Yes, Ashton Kutcher Twittered a picture of Demi Moore's ass  taken while she was steaming his suit (maybe for the wedding?) Yes, she knew about it. No, I don't know why people are so interested. Like they have never seen a woman bending over before. [Defamer]
• Michael Jackson wants to adopt a kid. No comment. [Gatecrasher]
• Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are engaged; he decided to put a ring on it. [NY Post, Daily Mail]
• Katie Holmes "played babysitter" for Cruz and Romeo Beckham, taking them  and Suri  out around L.A. over the weekend. [Daily Mail]
• A wake was held for Natasha Richardson on Saturday in Manhattan. [Star]
• Natasha Richardson's funeral was held late Sunday afternoon in upstate New York. [E!, USA Today]
• Another picture from the forthcoming Where The Wild Things Are flick can be found here. Guess what? The kid who plays Max is named Max. [USA Today]
• Winnie Cooper is married, you guys. Danica McKellar got hitched in La Jolla, CA this weekend. [ET]
• Here's everything you want to know about Annie Leibovitz's money troubles  which may have nothing to do with same-sex marriage after all. [Page Six]
• Whoa: Katy Perry is dating Josh Groban? I kissed a (singer who makes people want to) hurl! [Perez]
• Honestly, it is sort of shocking that Knowing topped the box office, with $6 million more than I Love You, Man, since there were no early reviews and Nicolas Cage did zero publicity and Paul Rudd worked overtime. But Knowing is PG-13 and ILYM is rated R, so maybe families went to see Cage? [Breitbart]
• Like House? Like spoilers? This link pretty much tells you who is going to die. [NY Mag]
• Remember that Jennifer Aniston movie, The Baster? This casting call is looking for a "heavy set woman" and a "woman with a round face, small eyes, and upturned nose" to have profanities shouted at them in a scene. Fun? [TMZ]
• Johnny Depp topped a list of stars people would most like to share a candlelit dinner with. [The Star]
• Prince Harry will have lunch with the soldier he called a racial slur. [Telegraph]
• Are you ready for this image-shattering picture of 18-year-old Emma Roberts in the new GQ  in which she is wearing a tanktop and no bra? [Just Jared]
• Hilary Duff is back on TV: First she landed a guest spot on Ghost Whisperer; now she's gonna be on Law & Order: SVU. [E!]
• Speaking of L&O, Mariska Hargitay is headed back to work after a three-week absence. [People]
• Justin Guarini says American Idol sorta sucks: "Every single year, we cannot stand the group performances. I know they can't stand it either. And I think what makes [the group performances] even worse now is that they're lip-synced. They're really prerecorded now." [E!]
• Metallica went on stage at South By Southwest, telling the audience they were a "young band from Norway." Are they still in therapy? [USA Today]
• Kanye West closed SXSW, saying "It feels so good to rock for you tonight." [AP]
• We heard Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green broke up; then we heard they were back together, now we're hearing that she has moved out and is staying in a hotel. Ah, l'amour. [E!]
• Congrats to Natasha Bedingfield, who got hitched in Malibu on Saturday. [E!]
• After the success of that video which is an internet hit, Ricky Gervais and Elmo are working on a show together! [The Sun]
• Flavor Flav turned 50 over the weekend?!?!?! [Hollywood Rag]
• John Mellencamp blogged about the record business for HuffPo. [Huffington Post]
• Jamie Lee Curtis blogged about the "Recession Diet." [HuffPo]
• M.I.A. will play Coachella on April 18. [NY Times]
• "John Cleese halves payout for ex-wife to £650,000 in first celebrity credit crunch divorce." [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which closeted TV icon enjoys "watersports" in his bedroom? His steady stream of gentleman callers are a little grossed out by it." [Gatecrasher]
• "I love writing for Dwight because he has one of the richest back stories of any of the characters. He is a farmer who is part Amish, who has war criminal relatives and who was involved in a secret love triangle  and has a nine-bedroom, possibly haunted hotel-farm. He has such a colorful past, and Rainn [Wilson] is such a gifted actor that it's like a great treasure map writing for his character… I think the Kelly character is fun to play because she's not a role model for anybody. Although I do sometimes believe my parents wish I played a cardiologist at Johns Hopkins."  Mindy Kaling, of The Office. [Washington Post]
• "To say that they like this movie would be like the crazy understatement of the world, 'cause they are crazy about it. They carry the characters around; they play in the morning with their action figures, so this is a really great experience to make a film for my kids that they love. There's not that many movies that have female superheroes in them so this was a great opportunity to not only be telling a great story of female empowerment but also create this awesome character."  Reese Witherspoon, on Monsters Vs. Aliens. [The Sun]
• "I'd probably have head-butted her new boyfriend, put her over my shoulder and run off."  Pete Doherty, on what he'd have done if he'd seen Kate Moss at his record label. [The Sun]
• "A few people have gone overboard. We have people come in to spray them. But there's a little Oompa-Loompa going on this season. It's not for me. I'm holding to the middle-age pasty-white-guy look."  Tom Bergeron, on the orange-ness on the contestants on Dancing With The Stars. [E!]
• "I love doing photo shoots. I mean, if I could just sign with IMG and do ad campaigns and model more, I'd do that… because that's fun for me. That's not work."  Lindsay Lohan, to Nylon. [Page Six]
• "A size zero? I've never heard of that. That didn't exist when I was growing up. When did that start? What does it mean?"  Heidi Klum. [Socialite Life]

I have been aware of Jade Goody for some time now; she was all over the British tabloids in 2002 when my fiance was living overseas, and when I went to visit, her face seemed to be everywhere. I assumed, at the time, that she was a singer or actress of sorts. My fiance informed me that she was "just some girl from Big Brother," a show that never quite took off in the States as much as it had in England.

A few years later, in 2007, Jade came under fire for making racist remarks toward her Celebrity Big Brother castmate, Shilpa Shetty. Stuart Jeffries of the Guardian notes that Goody quickly became reviled for her behavior: "The People had already branded the 20-year-old "Miss Piggy" on account of her appearance, and ran headlines such as "Ditch the witch" and "Gobby Jade is public enemy no 1". For a moment, it seemed that a vulnerable and evidently poorly educated woman was going to be lynched – certainly figuratively – for the 21st-century crimes of being dim, mouthy and libidinous on a reality show."

A year later, Jade appeared on yet another reality show, Bigg Boss, an Indian version of Big Brother, wherein she discovered that she was battling cervical cancer, and that the cancer had spread. She left the reality show and became the star of her own strange saga, a reality show based purely in reality itself; she was dying, and the tabloids were invited to document every moment. An OK! magazine tribute cover was published weeks before Goody actually died, a bizarre testament to the coverage surrounding Goody, which seemed to be a countdown to getting the scoop of her actual death, rather than a celebration of her actual life.

Perhaps this is because Jade Goody filled the role of reality TV star to the extreme: she was "famous for nothing," she once said, a woman who went from obscurity to a national sensation due to the public's desire to create heroines and villains out of their neighbors, their peers, people who look and act quite like they do. Her short life was defined by public opinion; she was loved, then fiercely hated, and then pitied, but all of these things came through a lens, a distanced view; she was simply another character for the public to follow, and she knew and seemingly accepted this, giving her blessing to the tabloids to follow her until the very end. As Jeffries notes, "Like a working-class Princess Diana, Goody became the object of strangers' intense feelings, and she became a sacrifice, a woman whose suffering and death made it possible for people to ritually cry for someone they scarcely knew."

Goody hoped that her public struggle would raise awareness about cervical cancer and inspire young women to be more proactive about their health. But Goody's legacy may be her ability to use the reality tv/tabloid media to her advantage, even in dark times: for example, she recently held an elaborate wedding to her prisoner boyfriend, Jack Tweed, in order to sell the media rights and leave her sons with a substantial amount of money, knowing she'd be leaving them soon. Jade Goody was able to make a living out of living; as long as there was a camera present, and a photographer ready to chase her every move, she was able to capture the minds of millions, for better or worse. She forced the public, however unwittingly, to discuss racism, the challenges of cancer, and ultimately, the boundaries of fame.

"It's easier sometimes for me to deal with bigger things in the public eye," Goody once said. One wonders how that life will be remembered, if the public will take any lessons from her death, or if, as the world of reality tv often seems to move, the public's eye is already on the lookout for the next heroine, the next villain, the next star in the never-ending tabloid show.

Obituary: Jade Goody [The Guardian]
Jade Goody and her Big Mouth: Quotes From Her Life [Telegraph]

• British reality TV star Jade Goody, 27, died in her sleep early this morning after a highly publicized battle with cervical cancer. "My beautiful daughter has gone to sleep, has gone," her mother said. [People]

• Prime Minister Gordon Brown praised Goody for her attempts to educate the public about cervical cancer: "'She will be remembered fondly by all who knew her and her family can be extremely proud of the work she has done to raise awareness of cervical cancer, which will benefit thousands of women across the UK," Brown says. [DailyMail]
• After seven and a half years of dating, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are engaged. [People]
• In more wedding news, singer Natasha Bedingfield married Matt Robinson on Saturday. "We are now very much looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together," Bedingfield says, "Love is hard to find, so when you do find it, hang on to it!" [USWeekly]
• In even more wedding news, Bruce Willis is set to marry model Emma Heming today. Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, and Madonna are all expected to attend the ceremony. [USWeekly]
• Mischa Barton, however, is not a fan of marriage: "I'm not a huge fan of marriage. It puts too much pressure on the relationship. People try harder until they're married and then you see a lot of relationships fall apart because it's the last step. There's nothing left," Barton says, "Whoever is going to be the father of my children I'll probably inevitably marry - but that's not on the cards any time soon."[ShowbizSpy]
• Taylor Swift has a similar view on things: "I actually do not have a boyfriend. I'm completely single," Swift says, "I think meeting someone in that way is a worry for anyone in my position. You meet someone and you can't help but be worried that they just want to date the person they see on TV.
  They are not really bothered about the real person. I think that's a curse for any relationship. But I'm not worried. It's not my big goal in life to get hitched and have a family. If I find someone really awesome I will think about it then." [ShowbizSpy]
• Kate Moss threw a fit when she realized she had to wait in line for the bathroom at a club. "She barged into the ladies and when she realised there were no cubicles free she starting kicking one of the doors, shouting: ‘Hurry up or I'll kick the f***ing door down,'" says a source. "The female toilet attendant told her to calm down and offered her some tissue paper to use when it was her turn, but Kate threw it back at her, saying, ‘I don't want any of your skanky toilet roll'." [The Sun]
• Madonna's nanny attempted to quit, but Madonna decided to fire her before her notice was up: "The rumor is that Madonna was furious that Angela was leaving and dismissed her before she had the chance to complete her full notice," says a source, "All Madonna's employees work incredibly long hours, so it's no surprise that Angela had had enough. If you work for Madonna you are on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There's no such thing as a weekend." [ShowbizSpy]
• Michael Jackson is thinking of adopting another child. [DailyExpress]
• Robert Pattinson is looking for a soul mate, but not anytime soon: "I guess it would be quite scary to find a soul mate when you're young because you're probably going to mess it up," Pattinson says, "I remember there was a girl I was totally obsessed with for about 10 years, I never ever spoke to her. I think that's the best type of love. Then when I finally told her she was like, 'You've never spoken to me in my whole life. You've only spoken to me about three times and never said anything nice'."[ShowbizSpy]
• Pete Doherty, who prefers to be called "Peter," still can't talk much about his breakup with Kate Moss: "I really shouldn't talk about it," Doherty says, "Because really and truly, I miss her. And I'd like to speak to her. But the first part of speaking to her probably would be just not to talk about her. And that's one thing I've got to learn. But I need to talk to people so badly about it, because it's something that's so confusing for me still. But I can't. Because the only person really I can talk to would be her." [Guardian]
• Anne Hathaway is reportedly in talks to play Judy Garland in an upcoming biopic. [TheInsider]
• "As a feminist (you know, one of those people Lady GaGa thinks are so angry), I shouldn't watch Rock of Love. But as a fallible human being who craves amazing entertainment, I can't not watch it."- Diablo Cody [EW]

• Lindsay Lohan won't be in court today to respond to a warrant for her arrest, but her lawyer will be there. The attorney claims it's all a misunderstanding, to which we say: Sure, sure. [AP]

• Lindsay Lohan's dad is "concerned" for his daughter: "I've said it before and I'll say it again  she has to be careful of the people around her. I worry about any of those negative elements in her life." Is one of those negative elements you, sir? [Extra]
• Lindsay Lohan's warrant seems to be due to her missing or being late to one of her alcohol education classes, which she must take as part of her probation. LL blames the paparazzi for making it impossible to show up on time. [TMZ]
• Six women were injured and three people were arrested and charged with inciting a riot at the America's Next Top Model stampede on Saturday. [NY Post]
• Lily Allen has filed charges against photographers who allegedly rear-ended her car; this comes after she punched one of the dudes. [E!]
• Here are pictures of Mel Gibson "frolicking in the surf" in Costa Rica with a woman who is not his wife. [Daily Mail, RadarOnline]
• Jennifer Aniston is telling friends she dumped John Mayer after he "went cold" after the Oscars. Sound like he did the passive-aggressive breakup thing. [The Sun]
• Rihanna may star in a remake of the Whitney Houston/Kevin Costner flick The Bodyguard? Why, Hollywood, why? [Gatecrasher]
• This is interesting: The Rihanna/Chris Brown duet was just an old demo. "Nothing has been recorded by Chris and Rihanna since February," says an unnamed source. [NY Daily News]
• Twilight's Robert Pattinson was overheard telling a fellow Brit, "I can't get laid [in N.Y.C.]" Sparkly vampires are so last year. [Gatecrasher]
• Pattinson had to "do all this naked stuff" for a man-on-man sex scene for his new Dali movie. He admits: "In a lot of ways, I was kind of crossing lines of what I thought I was comfortable doing." [Mirror]
• Drew Barrymore and Justin Long were seen making out at a bar in Hollywood one night, and laughing and smiling while eating sushi the next. That is not a euphemism. They're back on! [Just Jared]
• The first of Nadya Suleman's octuplets could be home tomorrow. [People]
• Ryan Reynolds says it took months and months to prepare for his role in Wolverine: "When you think about it like that, it's vaguely depressing," he says. "But when you actually do it, it's worth it when you see on the screen that's me and it's not a stunt person, and I'm doing the whole thing." [LA Times]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's trainer, Tracy Anderson, is having trouble getting people to join her gym. Maybe because membership is $4,500 a month? [Perez]
• Tracy Anderson says of her pupils, "Madonna never slacks off. She's like a gym nerd. Gwyneth is cheekier than Madonna, that's for sure. Some days she'll be like, 'Do I have to do cardio?'" [Mirror]
• This report claims Madonna works out so hard and and gets regular glyco peels on her face because she wants to look like her daughter. Yeah, right. [Daily Express]
• Speaking of Madonna, her new man, Jesus Luz, is moving in. [Mirror]
• And! He is macrobiotic now, thanks to her Madgesty. [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, clashing schedules mean Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin won't see each other for weeks. Alert the media! [Daily Mail]
• Is there a cash prize on Dancing With The Stars? Because Lil' Kim owes $1 million in state and federal taxes, ouch. [UPI]
• Check out this profile of Paul Rudd, in which he says: "I went through a phase where I thought it was really funny to make pratfalls in very crowded places. And I jumped out of a moving car once for a laugh. That was a mistake." [NY Times]
• The promoter behind Michael Jackson's upcoming concerts says "He's 50 but he's going to dance his ass off." Also: "If Mike gets too nervous to go on, I'll throw him over my shoulder and carry him on stage. He's light enough." [Telegraph]
• There's already a Michael Jackson ticket-scalping scandal. [WSJ]
• And! Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch is about to be sold. [Fox 411]
• "Rob Lowe has been carpeted by bosses for being too orange." [The Sun]
• Robin Thicke will be touring with Jennifer Hudson and says that the tour will be "cathartic" for her. "I think it's going to be the perfect thing for her to do, to get out there and get outside her head and feel the love she's been getting. She's a special lady." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Gossip Girl's Jessica Szohr dropped by the set just to say hi to her boyf, Ed Westwick. [Gatecrasher]
• Kristen Stewart's gushing about the new Twilight movie: "To see them cope without each other and to see this character Jacob, who is supposed to represent light and warmth and he pulls her out of a rut that's like seemingly impossible  it's really tragic. Like, I can't wait to see Taylor's [Lautner] face when I tell him, 'It's him, it's always been him,'" she says. [LA Times]
• Keira Knightley will not be in the next Pirates Of The Caribbean flick, saying: "It was a completely fantastic experience, and it was an amazingly large portion of my life, but I don't think I need to go there again. I think that it's done." So who will be the leading lady in the film? We need to know, since Russell Brand may be playing Johnny Depp's brother! [Mirror]
• This profile of Kat Von D has a quote from a 12-year-old fan, who says: "I like how she says her tattoos are everything she's been through." [WaPo]
• Whoa, Rhys Ifans looks totally different and dare we say hot in these pictures. When he was dating Sienna Miller he looked like a vagrant. [Daily Mail]
• Rumors about Liz Hurley's marriage continue to circle; today it's that she is "more like a boss than a wife." Wait, is that bad? [Daily Mail]
• Liz Hurley's mother-in-law denies the rumors that Liz and her husband have broken up: "This is just gossip. That's all I can say. I don't like commenting on family matters in public." [Telegraph]
• Charlie Sheen's wife had twins Saturday night; the first kids for her and Charlie's fourth and fifth. [Star]
• Heather Mills bought a seafood restaurant in Hove, East Sussex, and plants on making it vegan. [Daily Mail]
• MC Hammer is being sued for not delivering a book on fatherhood to his publisher. Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em. [Mirror]
• What's cooking with Gordon Ramsay? He has been taken to court over unpaid debts three times in a month. [Daily Mail]
• British reality star Jade Goody is "near death." Do you get the feeling the papers are circling like vultures? [NY Times]
• Aww, the movie industry nursing home is closing by the end of the year. [UPI]
• R.I.P. Ron Silver, whom you may have known as Bruno Gianelli on The West Wing. [NY Post]
• Blind item! "Which songbird's hard-up husband is having a hard time paying off her $500,000 engagement ring? He tried to stiff the jeweler and when finally threatened with a lawsuit, said he'd pay - on an installment plan." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rehabbed starlet's wallet turned up in the Financial District, with her driver's license, black American Express card and several bags of blow?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Nine months ago at the conception I pulled all my best moves - I used new style. Apparently it's all about temperature so the windows were open. We'll see what happens."  Jamie Oliver, who is hoping his unborn child will be a boy. [The Sun]
• "I don't think there was one dinner that I ever cooked my kids that wasn't burnt because I was always on the phone, because teatime came when America was buzzing. When it was noon in New York, it would be 5pm at home in England, and the phone would be going nuts. You know, they go on about women juggling, well, my theory is that something always has to give, and, in my case, it was my kids."  Sharon Osbourne. [Daily Mail]
• "I find that word so unconstrained and unsophisticated. I don't know if you are referring to The Sun newspaper's Shagger Of The Year title, which I've been awarded three consecutive times now. It ranks among my finest achievements along with my British comedy awards and other accolades. I continue to live as a single man might but I certainly don't do anything as vulgar as shagging."  Russell Brand, on being called a champion shagger. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "Children are so cute and talkative when you get them out of bed, vulnerable blabbermouths, but when they get older they talk less. As the days fly past, it's only going to be a few more years that he likes me. Maybe he'll always love me, but he might not always want to be around me – he might not always like me. He's borderline embarrassed by me already, so…"  Sarah Jessica Parker, on spending time helping her son get dressed in the morning. [Daily Mail]
• "Finding someone that you like, or who likes you, is always difficult at my age. But being famous complicates things much more. I suppose that some boys feel a bit intimidated by me and stay on their guard."  Emma Watson, who is about to turn 19. [Telegraph]
• "My teeth are capped and I had the fat removed from under my chin. That's basically why I have the goatee because it covers the scar. And my nose was straightened. Then they took the heaviness out of my eyelids. Thank God the plastic surgeon said you've got to be careful, you've still got to look like you. But I've stopped dying my hair, that's it now. I never did it before because it would have been a salt-and-pepper look, which wasn't good. But the older I've got, the whiter my hair has got and I like it."  Tom Jones. [Mirror]
• "I never watch my [movies]. I make an album and then maybe 10 years later, I hear a thing or two. If I walk into somebody's house or a department store, I always say, 'Can you please turn that off?' Because I spend so much time on it, before it's released, that once it's released it's on its own. I really don't want to listen to it."  Barbra Streisand. (Yentl is now on DVD!) [Newsweek]
• "I want to very badly. But I want to get it right. We are definitely on band practice. There are a lot of performances in the movie."  Kristen Stewart, on singing while playing Joan Jett in new movie Runaways. [LA Times]
• "How this IVF rumor started, I really, really have no idea. But I can tell you that it is definitely not happening in the near future…It's great that Ellen and I are a gay couple and people are open-minded enough to talk about us having a family. The only thing I'm trying to avoid by denying it is, I just don't want those horrible pictures in magazines where they circle your stomach and point and go 'baby bump!' "  Portia de Rossi. [LA Times]
• "I went to a pitch meeting for a show last year and the guy in the office asked me why is it that people do drag? And I said why is it that more people don't do drag? What in our culture keeps us from dressing up and using all the colors in the creative box? The answer to that question is we grow up in a fear culture that says blacks go there, and Jews go there, and it's really interesting that we inflict these margins and parameters on our lives. I have to credit drag with helping me tear down a lot of those walls. Once you tear down one wall its like, you know what, we could have a really great room if we tore down all of these."  RuPaul. [The Daily Beast]
• "Bad behaviour makes men more glamorous. Women get destroyed, thrown out of society and locked up in institutions. My mother had me locked up in an insane asylum the first time I told her I was doing drugs. A really heavy place. Mick [Jagger] came and got me out."  Marianne Faithfull. [Telegraph]

• Video: Samantha Ronson peels out of a Vegas club parking lot. A minute later, Lindsay Lohan emerges, saying, "Did she leave? She fucking left? Where's my car? I want my fucking keys now." [TMZ]

• More on this in Midweek Madness, but: Brad Pitt! And the nanny?!?! "Angelina flew into a jealous rage when she walked past the open bedroom door of 8-month-old twins, Knox and Vivienne - and didn't like what she saw! And it's not surprising, for Brad was on the bed, rubbing the back of a pretty young nanny! Angie got so mad she slapped Brad and fired the girl on the spot!" [Star]
• Speaking of Brad and Angie, E! donated $250,000 to the Jolie-Pitt Foundation last year. They probably thought it would get them not-snubbed on the red carpet; the money went to Brad's Make It Right Foundation in New Orleans and three different UN organizations working in Darfur. [Fox 411]
• George Clooney got drunk and was seen stumbling back to his hotel in St. Louis. [Gatecrasher]
• Hmm, Sean "Diddy" Combs says he did Chris Brown and Rihanna a "favor" by letting them stay at his house. "It's my house, and I'm allowed to give my house to whoever I want to give my house to," Diddy told Ellen. "I don't cast a stone – cast judgment on anybody. So, if friends ask me for a favor, then I'm going to be there for a favor as long as I know the energy of the favor is positive." He also said: "I don't think it's right for anybody to hit anybody." [People]
• The father of Chris Brown's manager, Tina Davis, says of the speculation that Chris and Tina were having a romantic relationship is just" old rumors." [E!]
• Hey, guess who's not going to the Kids' Choice Awards? Chris Brown. [People]
• Miley Cyrus says she's not ready to move in with her 20-year-old boyfriend: "I love him to death…but no…[Justin] is so smart, but just like, everything has to, like, go where it's supposed to go and if it doesn't, I get like really frustrated." Uh, what? [Page Six]
• So on Dancing With Stars, Lil Kim gave her former fellow inmates a shoutout. The Scoop asks, "Is it possible for inmates to vote for Dancing With the Stars, but not for the president?" A spokesperson from prison says: "The inmates cannot dial toll-free numbers." And there's no internet. So. [MSNBC Scoop]
• This piece, titled "Octomom Spurs Media Madness" is about how Oprah and Dr. Phil saw ratings jump with Nadya Suleman-themed shows. [Variety]
• Oh, of course TMZ's Harvey Levin has seen the tape of Nadya Suleman giving birth. Jeez. He says the "friend" filming was "annoying the doctors and nurses by getting in the way." [TMZ]
• Holy crap: PETA vice president Dan Mathews shook hands with Anna Wintour. [Page Six]
• The French are mad at Carla Bruni for showing up at a Mexican state dinner wearing "a dazzling array" of diamonds  her husband, President Nicolas Sarkozy, was in Mexico to discuss the world recession. Anyway, they're calling her Marie Antoinette. [Gatecrasher]
• There's an interesting interview with Katy Perry on Esquire's site, and at the top of the web browser frame are the words "Katy Perry Naked - Hot Pics Of Katy Parry[sic] Topless." She is neither naked nor topless. [esquire]
• Someone somewhere claims that Mischa Barton didn't want to audition for the new Melrose Place but to just be given a role. In the end she had to go through the casting process like anyone else, sigh. Tough times! [Perez]
• Meanwhile, word is that Ashlee Simpson is doing Melrose because she wants something stable so she can be close to her baby. [People]
• The American Idol "dialing disaster" was averted, hopefully. You know Anoop's original phone number was a sex line, right? [People]
• Geri Halliwell has said ciao to her Italian fiancé. [The Sun]
• Does Amy Winehouse want to work on a TV quiz show? And more important: Wouldn't you watch? [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse has been updating her Facebook page to say things like "Nothing is worth as much as Blake," and "Where's my oblivious Blakey Boy?" For some reason, this is "news." [The Sun]
• "Hundreds of women in skimpy two-pieces will gather Saturday on the shore in Miami Beach and spell out the word C-O-S-M-O for an aerial photograph to be featured in the August issue." For Cosmopolitan, that classy publication. [Page Six]
• Hulk Hogan needs cash. His lawyers are trying to get some assets unfrozen; the Hulkster had back surgery and won't be able to work for awhile. [AP]
• Q: Are you busy? A: I'm trying to be busy. It's not so easy. Everyone thinks I'm dead.  From an interview with Lauren Bacall. [Houston Chronicle]
• Oy: Matt Lucas, co-creator of Little Britain, is working on a Jewish sitcom. [Telegraph]
• Jade Goody, the Brit celeb diagnosed with cervical cancer and given weeks to live, has left the hospital to be home with her husband and kids. [BBC News]
• Sir Paul McCartney's show in Las Vegas is already sold out, sorry. Tickets were gone seven seconds after going on sale. [Mirror]
• Blind item: "Which Celebrity Apprentice was such a boozebag behind the scenes that all alcohol had to be removed from the set?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I wasn't, quote, 'dropped' from the movie. I resigned from the movie because I didn't think I had enough time to achieve the look of the wrestler who was on steroids, which I would never do."  Nicolas Cage, on The Wrestler. Then he said: "The movie was written for Mickey. And, for whatever reason, they couldn't get the financing for the movie back then."
• "Fortunately I haven't had any break-ups. This is my first relationship. I'm very, very happy, that's all I'll say. We were together for a really long time before we got married, we were in no rush."  Beyoncé. [The Star]
• "I always wanted to suspend from the ceiling in a twirling banana. I'm going to be inside the banana. So the banana drops into a fruit bowl with the other sparkling, glorious fruit, and their tops pop off and dancers come out and help peel me out of the banana. I have a fascination with fruit… It's Lucille Ball meets Bob Mackie. It's about innuendo. I want everybody to get the joke, but I want them to think about it for a minute."  Katy Perry, on her persona. [Esquire]
• "If things happen in the press that are hard to deal with or you give in to that awful temptation to occasionally Google yourself and be mortified at what people can write about you. It's hard to ignore it. Keira will phone me up. She's like, 'I'm thinking about doing it.' I'm like, 'I am, too, but don't do it.' And we'll kind of talk each other out of it."  Sienna Miller, on her friendship with Keira Knightley. [Mirror]
• "My mom thought it was cool that if you got a business card that said 'Taylor' you wouldn't know if it was a guy or a girl. She wanted me to be a business person in a business world."  Taylor Swift. [Rolling Stone]
• "That one kinda hurts, because I don't have any rights to participate in it at all. It was done at a time when I was dirt poor so I had to sell everything when I sold the script, so that one hurts a bit."  Wes Craven on the remake of Nightmare On Elm Street. [The Star]
• "The past year has obviously been very difficult for me. Yoga has really helped me turn it into a huge learning experience. I'm working hard to take what I went through and turn it into something positive. Yoga helps me focus."  Ashley Dupre, former call girl of former Governor Eliot Spitzer. [Page Six]
• "My feeling about the movies is that most of them are terrible. If you don't have a decent script and a decent director, forget it. That's why I thought the Benjamin Button movie was so encouraging. I'll forgive anybody anything if they have talent. What I find most disconcerting is that people in the profession are not creative but only interested in money, which is what this country is most about. It doesn't appreciate talent. … For eight years we had a moron in the White House who didn't even know what art meant."  Lauren Bacall. There are more quips in the interview! [Houston Chronicle]

• On the red carpet at a fundraiser a reporter touched Hayden Panettiere's shoulder. She screamed, "Don't you ever touch me!" and told the rest of the press, "You all make my life miserable." [Us]

• Jimmy Kimmel went on The View dressed as Rosie O'Donnell and the ladies asked him why Sarah Silverman broke up with him. Jimmy said, "What do you mean, what happened? Look at me. What do you think happened? I'm a 41-year-old man with a bra filled with Koosh balls. I'm an imbecile. She couldn't date an imbecile anymore." [Star]
• In this video from December, Chris Brown jokes with a DJ about "island girls" being feisty. But don't worry, Chris says he and Rihanna don't fight because if she started arguing with him, he'd just "laugh it off and walk away." Chris adds, "I ain't the fightin' type." [TMZ]
• Jade Goody, the British reality star who has cancer, woke up in her hospital bed to find a woman looming over her with a hammer. The woman was taken into police custody and Goody is uninjured. [UPI]
• Sources say Megan Fox and Robert Pattinson had secret rendez-ous at a West Hollywood hotel last week. [ONTD]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are planning a camping trip across the U.S. They'll sleep in a tent, but unlike most campers they are taking their Scientologist friend with them and will have security camped down the road to keep away "to keep any unwelcome people at bay." [Newser]
• Doug Reinhardt gave Paris Hilton a a baby teacup Pomeranian for her birthday for her birthday. "He probably got me more presents than any guy ever," said Paris. [People]
• On Sunday Metallica cancelled a concert in Stockholm minutes before it was set to start because singer James Hetfield had to be hospitalized for a stomach bug and dehydration. [AP]
• Christina Ricci says she's a fan of the paparazzi because she feels no one would attack her while she has a gang of paparazzi with her. Also, one helped her get a snake out of her driveway. [The Daily Express]
• British newspaper The Sun is apologizing to Isla Fisher for claiming she had plastic surgery (which she has not). [The Sun]
• If you were dying to know what Samantha Ronson thinks about Coolio's recent arrest at LAX for crack possession, here you go: "The thing that baffles me most is the fact that you can't even smoke on planes anyway... if you're gonna be an idiot and do drugs - I guess I should just stop there - if you're dumb enough to do drugs then you're probably not thinking about much else ..." [The Daily Express]
• In this video, Miley Cyrus is asked what she would call Justin Gaston, since she already calls an ex-boyfriend "Prince Charming" in her autobiography. "Probably just Justin," said Miley. "Because he's perfect." [E!]
• Mariska Hargitay underwent a second surgery last week for a collapsed lung. She's going to miss one episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit because she's still recovering. [Entertainment Weekly]
• "Drew is going to surprise a lot of people. Little Edie is such a huge role, and people are not accustomed to seeing the depth of Drew's capacity for drama." - Jessica Lange on co-star Drew Barrymore's performance in Grey Gardens. [W Magazine]
• Paul Rudd and Jason Segel were pretending to flirt with each other at the screening of their new movie I Love You, Man. When asked about the quality he looks for most in a man, Rudd said "height"; while the 6 foot, 4 inch Segal said said "extreme shortness." Rudd replied: "You are a gem." [WWD]

• Madonna took Jesus Luz to a Kabbalah service. Again. This paper calls her "the world's most boring date." [Daily Mail]

• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou got married in Africa over the summer??? Well, it was a ceremony. But it's not necessarily legal in the U.S. [Gatecrasher]
• Katie Holmes has to make weekly written confessions as part of her "commitment" to Scientology. "Katie has to confess to something as minor as forgetting to tell him she has met with a friend," says a source. "If she commits a transgression against the moral code of their marriage, she has to tell Tom in writing, giving full details of the time and place and what happened." [Daily Mail]
• Jolie-Pitt alert: After filming a few scenes for Salt in Washington DC, Angelina and the brood will hit New York tomorrow. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Now that Amy Winehouse is rested and ready after a long vacay in St. Lucia, she says she's got writer's block. "I'm not feeling creative," she says. "I start things but I don't finish them. I know when stuff is rubbish." [Mirror]
• Uh-oh: Amy Winehouse has been denied a US work visa and can't appear at Coachella next month. [Mirror]
• Britney Spears spent Saturday visiting sick kids at Miami's Children's Hospital. [People]
• Chris Brown has been hard at work, recording tracks for his new album. It's odd thinking about anyone buying it. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Oh, wait: Guess who is experiencing steady album sales? Chris Brown. [Perez]
• Meanwhile, Rihanna is also focusing on music. [Yahoo News via E!, Extra]
• TMZ's Harvey Levin says the unseen Rihanna photos are worse than the one leaked: He calls them "horrific" and "monstrous." [Tennessee Guerilla Women]
• Chris Brown wants his plea to be to a misdemeanor  with no jail time. [TMZ]
• Why is Chris Brown up for a Kids' Choice Award? A Nickelodeon exec says he "was nominated by kids several months ago, and the kids who vote will ultimately decide who wins in the category." [TMZ]
• Oprah to Rihanna: "He will hit you again." [NY Daily News]
• How do we feel about this: Ashlee Simpson landed a role on the new Melrose Place. [EW]
• Zanessa! Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens will get married in September, says this source whose reliability we question. Disney wedding? We've got dresses! [PopCrunch]
• Prince Harry was seen "laughing and joking" with Astrid Harbord, a friend of Kate Middleton's. This paper calls her "the new blonde." [Daily Mail]
• This piece is all about how Freida Pinto got cast in Slumdog Millionaire; she was a model and had an "edge" because she was "confident and articulate." [Hindustan Times]
• So you know how Michael Jackson's possessions were up for sale? The auction house catalogs have been published. See a painting of MJ in Henry the Eighth garb; a carousel horse given to him by Liz Taylor, and some sculptures, including one of two boys plating leapfrog. [Fox 411]
• One of Martha Stewart's dogs has gone to heaven: Ghenghis Khan died in a freak propane explosion. [TMZ]
• The guy who usually dubs Sean Penn's voice for all of his movies in Brazil refused to do the voice in Milk. "I did not feel comfortable with the job," he said. Is it because Harvey Milk is gay and you're a pastor? [Variety]
• Leonardo DiCaprio, Lukas Haas, Tobey Maguire and Kevin Dillon went on a bike ride around New York's East Village Friday. An eyewitness says it was "really uncool." [UPI]
• Speaking of cycling, Matt Damon was among 35,000 riders attempting a 68 mile bike trek in South Africa on Sunday. [Daily Express]
• Dancing With The Stars producers are downplaying the fact that they lost two contestants  Jewel and Nancy O'Dell  and hyping the announcement of their replacements, whose identities will be revealed tonight. Except don't we know that one is Holly Madison? [UPI]
• So maybe you knew that Jodi Lyn O'Keefe  of She's All That, Prison Break, and various TV shows  has been dating John Cusack. Bet you didn't know that she's broke up with him because he won't marry her? [Star]
• You may have noticed this, but Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is trying to reposition himself. He's no longer just a former wrestler but into comedies and films for children. "Audiences, particularly kids, seem to love discovering that a guy this big and this good looking is actually very sweet and very funny," says his Race To Witch Mountain director. [NY Times]
• Macy Gray will appear as a guest performer/lecturer on the first day of a UCLA Extension course on the music business this spring. The course is run by Doors manager Jeffrey Jampolm who says: "Macy Gray is getting on the cutting edge of where music is going. She just made a new record that she financed herself. She owns it, and she's going to market it independently." [LA Times]
• Russell Brand is now in the music biz, managing a little-known singer-songwriter named Simon Kaye, who performs under the name Little Wonder. Apparently there's a record label bidding war to sign this guy, so prepare yourself. (Video of his latest song at the link.) [The Sun]
• There's a new DA and a new task force on the JonBenét Ramsey case, more than 12 years later. [People]
• Are Elizabeth Hurley and husband Arun Nayar in a fast car to splitsville? [Hindustan Times]
• Hurley's rep does not deny rumors of a separation. [Telgraph]
• Here's a profile on Joan Allen, who stars in a Broadway play called Impressionism. [NY Times]
• Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss has been cast in a romcom called Did You Hear About The Morgans?; Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are already attached. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Interesting: There's going to be a remake of the dark comedy Death At A Funeral, with Tracy Morgan, Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock. No word on whether Peter Dinklage will be in this version! [Hollywood Reporter]
• Julia Roberts will produce Jesus Henry Christ, a comedy about a boy conceived in a petri-dish and raised by a loving, left-wing feminist. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Joss Stone's CD has been delayed until July. [Daily Mail]
• Rita Wilson, Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will be in an untitled Nancy Meyers flick; Her movie What Women Want was the most successful film ever directed by a woman. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Mick Jagger, his girlfriend L'Wren Scott and his son Lucas went to the Getty Center in L.A., and because L'Wren held the nine-year-old kid's hand, this paper claims she "played mom." [Daily Mail]
• Sigh: Pixie Geldof was turned down by the art school she applied to. [Daily Mail]
• Jade Goody and her sons were christened in the hospital where she is being treated for terminal cancer. Jade may only have days to live. [Daily Mail]
• Charles Barkley had a news conference, shook hands and posed for pictures over the weekend. While in jail. [TMZ]
• M.I.A. says she never named her baby Ickitt. So what is the little boy's name? [Daily News]
• Blind item! "Which pop diva just got her second boob job? Bet you didn't know about the first one, either - it's that good, and that out of character." [Gatecrasher]
• "Kate Moss is a vampire who stole my style."  Marianne Faithfull. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm not going to be [pregnant for a while] because I'm going on tour. I wouldn't want to do that to the poor child." And: "At first I would just stay in and wouldn't go outside [because of the paparazzi], but I would start getting bored with the treadmill and I like to hike outside. I'm not going to let them rule my life. For me it's not about being thin. For me it's about being in shape and being healthy. I have to have stamina onstage or I lose my breath very easily."  Fergie on trying for a baby and getting in shape. [Mirror]
• "I'm still baffled as to why people are so interested in my life. It's so weird – even my dog Norman gets recognized. I'm cutting him off – I've told him, no more Oprah appearances!"  Jennifer Aniston. [Daily Mail]
• "I have never been a woman who dreams about getting married and having children and having that house in Connecticut. On the contrary, I've always gone with the flow. I enjoy the moment because life goes on while you try to make plans; it's better to make the most of every second. So I just try to live in the present."  Jennifer Aniston. [Daily Mail]
• "I spent my time cross stitching. But I made it fun by stitching naughty words into handkerchiefs. There were long gaps between filming and I was bored, so it kept me occupied."  Miranda Richardson, on her hobby while filming The Young Victoria. [Daily Mail]
• "We have a similar sense of humor. Our list of priorities in our personal lives are not different. We are both happily married with families and lead a pretty normal, unaffected existence within in this odd universe of show business that we've both chosen to go into."  Julia Roberts on Duplicity costar Clive Owen. [People]
• "It was really funny seeing Baz Luhrmann and Rob [Pattinson] singing a David Bowie song. It was a talky one so they both could sort of talk to each other, and they were riffing back and forth. They were looking longingly into each other's eyes." Kristen Stewart, who says she hopes there will be a movie based on the fourth Twilight book, Breaking Dawn. [Yahoo News via E!]
• "Look! [Suri] painted these canvas ballet slippers. Isn't she the best? She'll be 3 soon. It's such a good age. She was in musical school this year, but starts real school next year."  Katie Holmes. [Gatecrasher]
• "I actually worked as a kid at the Dallas Times Herald, because my dad had worked with [American journalist] Bill Moyers and then his son was working at the Times Herald and I got a job as a runner one summer. And as a kid it was really exciting to be around in the summertime doing that."  Owen Wilson, on his stint in journalism. [The Star]
• "I'm excited to have a girl. I was saying I didn't know if I could ever love someone more [than my son]. So I'm happy it's a girl. That way, I can love my boy like crazy, and I can love my girl like crazy. They'll feel even."  Pregnant Gossip Girl star Kelly Rutherford. [Gatecrasher]
• "It's all different from what I was taught in gymnastics. I have to learn to let go and just be emotional."  Shawn Johnson, on Dancing With The Stars. [LA Times]
• "I've had enough of women."  Colin Farrell. [Daily Express]
• "I have no desire [to have children]. I would not be a good mother. I mean, I love being an aunt to my niece and nephew. And I used to want to, like, adopt 10 kids - because I had friends who were adopted, and I thought that was the coolest thing, to be chosen. But again, my job is too selfish."  Kelly Clarkson. [USA Today]
• "I don't think unique creativity can be put into a shape. What leaves a bad taste with trying to create pop stars overnight these days is that they seem to try to identify people according to a size or a shape and say what will work. It's like trying to create artists with a cookie cutter! I don't like how the judging works on The X Factor. Who are the judges to say what's good and what isn't? I hate the cruelty and humiliation of it. And when it's a kid or a teenager I can't bear them to be ripped to shreds. Does it really have to be so cruel?"  Annie Lennox. [Daily Express]