Image via the riveting YouTube productionCuttin' Crocs

MOE: Yooooo.
MEGAN: Hey, I am just sitting here contemplating how freakishly tan Joe Scarborough has gotten. I hope he has a good dermatologist.
MOE: I'm sure Charlie Crist has a recommendation!
MEGAN: Charlie Crist totally fake bakes. And/or does a spray-on tan. But now that he's totally getting married, I'm sure his wife will be running her hands all over his naked body regularly so she'll notice any changes in his moles
MEGAN: (I crack myself up sometimes)
MOE: Oh Jesus Christ, seriously?
MOE: (LOL)
MEGAN: I know, dude, wtf? I bet he's still mad at Scarborough for constantly mocking his ugly sweater, though.

“I thought that Fox’s coverage during the primary was comprehensive and fair and evenhanded,” Mr. Wolfson said Monday in a telephone interview from Liverpool, England, where he was vacationing. “It’s a huge audience, and it is important to have a strong, progressive voice on the network.”

MOE: Drudge, naturally, is so excited by this news his headline currently reads "HILLARY OPS: FOX NEWS FAIREST"
MEGAN: I love how, like, a year ago, Kos and that crowd were like "NO DEBATES ON FOX NEWS ARGH" and Clinton totally backed out and now her communications guy is fucking joining the network.
MOE: Speaking of, did you read the Carr piece recapping Fox's long history of, uhhh, "comprehensiveness"? To me their alteration of Jacques Steinberg looks less like Nazi propaganda than your basic Mr. Potatohead Garbage Pail antics. Do you think by "evenhanded" Wolfson meant "you have to credit them with keeping his features relatively symmetrical"?
MEGAN: I was totally wondering when someone was going to point that out about the alterations to the picture, because it's actually the first thing I thought when I saw them — like, um, does anyone else notice the anti-Semetic undertones of this? But being a card-carrying, weak-chinned, blonde-haired Anglo-Saxon-verging-on-Aryan type, I didn't feel qualified to point that out but now I do and so I say to Faux News: What the fuck, sirs? Please fire your Photoshop guy.
MEGAN: Also, even though I mentioned it last night, I feel like we should talk briefly about Webb dropping out.
MEGAN: Like, apparently there's hints it's some sort of skeleton? I mean, the man's a former Republican, former Reagan official whose written smutty books has a bunch of kids with 3 different wives... there's more??
MOE: Um, given what we know, is there any reason to believe there's not? Or do you think the reformed Hillary camp had something to do with it?
MEGAN: Ooh, that be some sort of awesome intrigue, wouldn't it? Because the HuffPo story just quotes an anonymous Democratic source that he dropped out after receiving the camp's veting documents to fill out, but that could totally be a Clinton smear job. In which case, Clintonistas,brava! Well done. Just don't do so much of that that George Allen can beat him, mmkay?
MOE:

A Democrat close to Webb confirms that a request for documents preceded his declaration to the Obama campaign. The Democrat said that Webb did not want to relive the vigors of a campaign so soon after his election to the Senate.

He keeps harping on that.
MEGAN: Which itself is kind of a shit thing to say about not running when the guy whose asking you wasn't elected that much before you, actually.
MEGAN: *who's asking you.
MEGAN: Also, I'm just going to put this out there, even if it's not true, this tale of homoerotic wrestling hilarity in the Deep South had better end up in Bruno.
MEGAN:

The audience, as well as local fighters drawn to take part in the show, became enraged. "It set the crowd off lobbing beers," Holland said. "They had beers in plastic cups. Those things can get some distance on them actually."

MOE: OMG did you cover Bruno's fooling of the ex-Mossad agent? Because that = why I read Drudge. There's a lot of Bernanke shit today because of the speech he's giving but I'm not sure I care to address it. Also: I am hungover physically and metaphysically. But I got new meds yesterday so I should probably take one.
MEGAN: I did see the Mossad thing, but because it's Drudge, I sort of ignored. Also, I thought we should mention the fact that Congressman Waxman is scheming to find a way to make Karl Rove's position illegal forever more.
MOE: You know what sucks? When Safari decides to make its Java stop working, and then you're forced to use Firefox, which uses like 100x the ram. Also, did you blog McCain's endorsement of Crocs? I love it when free-marketeers hold up pointless little companies that feed off nothing beyond America's neverending ability to buy into stupid fads as these inspiring success stories that invariably started with two guys and a "great idea." Yeah, plastic shoes, great fucking idea. But anyway, as much as I love that I had nooooo idea what a cringe-inducing public speaker McCain could be, not that I should talk.
MEGAN: The first big speech I ever gave to 200 people (including my boss), I was running 102 fever, I kept running out of the conference room to vomit, I burst capillaries around my eyes and only barely avoided puking on the podium. I've gotten better.
MEGAN: Anyway, I also know the answer to Crocs — not that this is AT ALL surprising, but the founder is a big conservative donor type..
MOE: I have to say, I don't often give them credit, but it looks like Access Hollywood nailed a powerful scoop here.
MEGAN: Also, he doesn't like shopping, he's one of those dudes who likes to walk in and just buy stuff. He's a real guy! Watch him drink beer! Watch him uncomfortably hold Michelle's purse.
MEGAN: Actually, this makes me want to tell a funny story about my dad.
MEGAN: When I was in high school, I needed some new bras, and my dad had a credit card and the availability. We went to Sears. As I'm walking around browsing, my dad's stuck in the middle of the bra department trying not to look anywhere, so he's focused on the sign above one of the racks, which says "underwire" in cursive over a picture of water. My dad says in the typical Carpentier-lacking-volume-control-voice, "What do you need an underwater bra for?"
MEGAN: The sales lady, on her way to rescue both of us had to leave the department she was laughing so hard and sit in the shoe section.
MOE: Um that is AWESOME. My dad would never in a million fucking years go near a bra. In fact, I don't even think I have ever heard him say the word bra. In fact my dad forgoes no opportunity to tell me my "cleavage" is showing, when you and I both know "my cleavage"…well there is no such thing.
MEGAN: I used to take my dad bra-shopping as revenge for all the embarrassment he caused me. It's oneupsmanship on embarrassment in my household, this is why it is really hard to embarrass me and why I do it to other people all the time. And your cleavage is fine but if you would like to trade, I would be happy to do so.
MOE: This is going to shock you, but I'm somewhat occupied with a certain comments thread right now.
MEGAN: Gosh, you think? Might as well let everyone get back to that one if they want.
MOE: My friend Marcus is in the news. He's the new executive editor of the Washington Post! This signals a "generational change." He was in Obama's class at Columbia! And used to co-own a nightclub in Shanghai. I'm hoping he won't be too disturbed by my conduct to give me a job moving his stuff.
MEGAN: Oooh, can he open a good club in D.C.?

MOE: let me tell you something pathetic

MEGAN: Away

MOE: I just went down to the deli, bought an iced coffee, forgot the iced coffee at the deli.

MEGAN: Oh, I do that mostly with leftovers at restaurants

MOE: I guess I should go get it.

MOE: What are you reading this morning?

MEGAN: What's crappy hour without caffeine?

MEGAN: Most about how McCain's hiring all of Rove's people

MOE: Oh yeah, honestly, why is he doing that? Reading this "massive campaign shakeup" thing I was thinking, Is it really time for this? What has McCain even done "wrong" so far? And they couldn't get rid of Charlie Black? Also, isn't Charlie Black a weird name? Like an obscure mendacious Peanuts character.

MEGAN: What he's apparently done wrong is not hired enough Rove people? I mean, when I saw the news yesterday about the shake up, I thought it was to get rid of Charlie but there's not a word about it, actually, it's just bringing on more people.

MOE: Wow tell me this isn't a little overly "synergistic"…Also there is totally a joke to be made re zookeeping and Republicans but it is the Thursday before a long weekend so…

MEGAN: And Newt Gingrich grew up in Harrisburg?

MEGAN: Also, I've been reading about how Fox Photoshopped the NY Times writers to make them look uglier.

MOE: Oh this thought did not go through: "Yeah but did you get the Bronx Zoo bugs crawling all over that as you tried to read it? And you know what they say about Pennsylvania being "Alabama in between."" It was pretty deep. I still haven't gone and gotten my coffee. Last night was rough.

MEGAN: If I lived in a 5th floor walk up, I wouldn't leave the house much. I mean, I already don't leave the house much, but still.

MOE: Holy shit that is insane re Fox News. Can the FCC just shut those fuckers DOWN? The other day they were insisting that birth control was an "abortificient." I was screaming at the TV and I have no emotions so it was something.

MEGAN: The FCC has no control over cable, but the liberals have this brilliant idea of bringing back the Fairness Doctrine, which would set an arm of the FCC to policing that right wing and left wing views have exactly equal amounts of television time, not that that's not scary and creepy depending on which party is in office but of COURSE the Democratic party will have power forever and ever so it won't be a problem.

MOE: Oh right the FCC can't police cable, duh. Which is kind of hilarious since cable penetration in this country is probably 80% of households. But the misinformation those guys consciously and constantly disseminate surprises and pisses off even me, on a daily basis! Also, the ads on the E&P website are funny. One's about how to deal with your yellow teeth. I wonder if they suggest Photoshop!

MEGAN: Anyway, so, like McCain is best buds with Sarkozy who is going to meet with Syria and Caroline Kennedy is more than window dressing, but I am having trouble caring about anything other than the Brinkley divorce trial in which it turns out that her soon-to-be-ex only banged his teenage mistress 10-12 times in the year he was having an affair with her, but he gave her, like, $300,000? Damn,

MOE: Whoa he gave her three hundred grand? I wrote something the other day in Dirt Bag about how I wasn't so much feeling the Brinkley divorce but then yesterday when he admitted he only hired that girl to do typesetting for his firm because he wanted to fuck her I was like, "Ooooh, oooh, we should probably do a post on how to tell if someone is hiring you for a "job" that is actually prostitution!" And then I promptly forgot natch. Dude, his lawyer is a dick though!

MOE:

"For goodness sake: She's on her fourth husband," Sheresky told the court. "Your honor, we're here because of the self-indulgent wrath of a woman scorned."

MEGAN: Well, she's on her 4th husband because she sadly keeps marrying assholes and idiots, you idiot asshole.

MEGAN: Also, by the way, he reportedly stuck Billy Joel's daughter Alexis's face in a bucket because she took a long shower and something flooded.

MOE: No. fucking. way. I think Alexis is on the cover of Ocean Drive this month and I was going to buy it but…Ocean Drive is really heavy and…I just can't fucking believe this guy! And I wanted to talk about FARC and whether that laptop had anything to do with saving Betancourt and what she is going to say about Hugo Chavez now but…actually this is a really good story. And it's on the covers of the NY tabloids every day so that makes it sorta "news" right? Also it is the third of July motherfuckers!

MEGAN: That's right! Plus, um, can we have a little Bush/Rove conspiracy theory about the timing of his trip to Colombia and the freeing of the prisoners?

MOE: Wait only after you check out the culinary delicacy featured on the Weekly Standard blog I was looking at in hopes of finding some reaction to Hitch getting waterboarded, which I did not find, although I did find a review of a William Safire book by Chris Hitchens, who is still mad about Nixon…anyway.

MEGAN: Um, I really, really wish I hadn't seen that. I didn't mention earlier, but this Crappy Hour is coming to you live from my bathroom floor where I seem to be reliving last night's dinner in reverse in a most unfortunate way and I'm glad I puked after the last sentence I wrote before this because if I hadn't, I would've after seeing that picture. That said, Attackerman talked about Hitchens' waterboarding. He's not a fan of Hitchens, but he thought the video itself was important for people to see.

MOE: Well I was trying to look at right-wing blogger reactions to it you see because the right wing bloggers somehow don't talk about torture a whole lot. Also my coffee drink, which I went down and retrieved, is called "Big Black." Because Steve Albini won't fucking let it go that I wrongly referenced him in that Liz Phair post. Ugh.

MEGAN: I think the right-wing blogosphere is ignoring coverage of torture because, like actual torture, if they ignore it, they won't have to think about it seriously or try to defend the indefensible.

MEGAN: hey, if it's cool to be done, i'd really like to lie down for a while

MOE: go ahead babe. I was looking around for stuff to write about and um failing.