• Michael and Dina Lohan will work together on getting Lindsay Lohan off of pills. Says Michael Lohan. [Radar Online]

• Papa Lohan says of Lindsay: "Her problem is prescription drug use. I've seen pictures of her in Paris, and she looks totally out of it. There are morons hanging around her, and they have their hands on my daughter." [Gatecrasher]
• But! Dina Lohan says: "I don't go — like my ex — on national television and make things up. He's estranged from Lindsay; he doesn't know what's going on in her life. Michael doesn't talk to her. "I've had full custody of all my children for the last 10 years. He has been incarcerated for some of that time, so whatever is going on in Lindsay's personal life is our business. And for him getting paid to say things about her when he's five months behind in child support is wrong." Oh, and re: Ungaro, Dina sniffs: "The critics can say whatever they want, but Lindsay is a genius." [Page Six]
• "Leave Lindsay alone. Let her be a real 23-year-old. Let her grow, and let her artistic abilities flourish. Stop judging the Britneys and the Lindsays. They are very creative girls, and that is a gift from a higher power of God."— Dina Lohan. [Page Six]
• Dr. Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's personal physician, may face arrest — and could lose his medical license — after missing a late child support hearing. [NY Post]
• "The CBS producer accused of blackmailing David Letterman was convinced the comic king bedded 'six or seven' female staffers, a pal of the newsman said Thursday." [NY Daily News]
• A chimpanzee was supposed to be a guest judge on Dancing With The Stars on Tuesday, but PETA complained. This is not a joke. [NY Post]
• Nicole Kidman has teamed up with Omega watches — she signed watch boxes to benefit the United Nations Development Fund for Women. Fifty percent of the proceeds of the watch sales will go to UNIFEM. [WWD]
• Jon Gosselin didn't leave the twins' birthday party at 6pm — he stayed to put his kids to bed. And he was cordial to Kate. But did not spend the night. [TMZ, People]
• You know how Jon Gosselin brought a misspelled birthday cake (it's "Mady", not "Maddy") to his kids' birthday party? Well it was sort of an insult to Kate, who was making a cake from scratch. [BBC News]
• Mischa Barton was spotted buying rounds of shots for Ryan Ross — formerly of Panic At The Disco; currently in Young Veins. [Gatecrasher]
• Mischa Barton was spotted getting out a cab in front of a bar, yelling "I need a drink!" Been there. [Page Six]
• Uh-oh, Nicolas Cage owes over six million dollars in unpaid taxes. Uncle Sam doesn't like that. [TMZ]
• Dr. Phil is denying that he forced a woman to stare at a naked man and grabbed her breast. [TMZ]
• Hilary Swank walks around naked in front of her boyfriend's son. "You wonder at what age you should stop walking around nude," she admits. "But he doesn't look twice. He doesn't think about it yet." Really? He's 6 years old. [Gatecrasher via Marie Claire]
• Khloe Kardashian will now be known as Khloe Kardashian Odom. Adjust accordingly. [Page Six]
• Robin Williams will do his stand up act, Weapons Of Self Destruction, in NYC in November, his first show since having heart surgery. [NY Daily News]
• LOL: Woody Harrelson gets his zombie punchlines from Paul McCartney. [NY Post]
• Mya's dress split at a party; she used safety pins and staples to cobble it back together. Stars are just like us! [Page Six]
• "The husband of Danielle Staub from "Real Housewives of New Jersey" claims she strait up lied when she called him a rapist and a dog murderer ... and now he's suing her for defamation." [TMZ]
• At the link is a recap and insider report and blow-by-blow account of Jeremy Piven's Broadway drama/Speed-the-Plow meltdown. [NY Times]
• Kylie Minogue will do a residency in Vegas? Makes total sense. [Mirror]
• Speaking of Kylie: her ex-boyfriend Olivier Martinez has accepted undisclosed libel damages over a claim that he had cheated on her during their long-term relationship. The Sun apparently makes stuff up. [The Star]
• Breaking: Audrina Patridge is single and happy. [People]
• Kristen Bell will star as Christina Aguilera's rival in Burlesque, a musical drama about "a small-town girl with a big-town voice who finds love and success in a neo-burlesque club." You guys, Cher plays the club owner. CHER. [Hollywood Reporter]
• On the Wanda Sykes HBO special: "She is… the funniest person in America… Sykes gets the crowd laughing early and keeps them laughing to the end, with no significant down time and no cheap tricks… [It] all builds to a prolonged, brilliant segment on being gay and black that puts a racial spin on every coming-out cliché- making us see both with new eyes." [USA Today]
• "Filmmaker Steven Spielberg, long recognized for his artistic achievements, was honored with the Liberty Medal on Thursday for his compassion and humanitarian work." [AP]
• Parker Posey has joined the cast of Highland Park, a dark comedy with Danny Glover. The film focuses on the high school faculty in a struggling community. In the story, a teacher wins the lottery and uses the cash to restore the local library; the film is actually attempting to help reopen a real library in Detroit. [Hollywood Reporter]
• "Thursday's episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta took a dark turn. Following the news of the death of Anthony "AJ" Jewel outside his Atlanta strip club last week, viewers watched his then-fiancée, Housewife Kandi Burruss, waver about the future of their relationship - awkwardly unaware, as the cameras rolled, that the relationship had no future." [People]
• Isaiah Washington: Still looking for jobs. Sources say it's not because of the Grey's fallout, but because he is difficult to work with. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Gloria Estefan bought 2,000 tickets for her concert in Puerto Rico this weekend and will distribute them via raffle among 17,000 recently laid-off government workers. [AP]
• Gladys Knight is embarking on a farewell tour? Is she taking a midnight train? [Independent]
• "I'm in 'Gay Paris' — I swear as an Englishman that by the time I leave tomorrow it'll be known as 'Hetero Paris.' Or at least Bi Paris." — Russell Brand. [NY Daily News]
• "I was always thinking 'how am I going to keep my old chap in my pants?' But Ayda and me are very loved up – sprogs on the way and all that business. I don't know what will go on down the road, but I don't want to do anything to fuck it up or do anything to upset her." — Robbie Williams on gf Ayda Field. [Telegraph]
• "My dad went into a rant. Farrah came flying at him to defend herself, he blocked her and, in the process, broke her arm. They spun the truth to protect Ryan (but) I was there, I saw it happen." — Griffin O'Neal says his father Ryan O'Neal cheated on Farrah Fawcett and was abusive. [Daily Express]
• "It's obviously very strange, a little mad. Especially the [Audrey] Hepburn comparisons. I mean, that's such a lovely thing to say about the film, and I see it in the Paris montage. But you know, I didn't think about the end product much when I was making it. I just thought, what fun! There's Emma Thompson! I had to fight for this part; I auditioned three times and must have called my agent every day for two months afterwards. I knew it was a special gang going in, but I just thought…oh, I have to play Jenny. Her journey is enormous." — Carey Mulligan on all the buzz her performance in new film An Education is getting, in which she plays "a fiercely intelligent teenage girl living in barely pre-Beatles London." [The Daily Beast]
• "It's fucking weird. I'll be the first to admit that New York is one of the greatest cities in the world. But what you see on screen is not the life we really lead." — Gossip Girl's Penn Badgley, who likes taco stands, not fancy restaurants. [BlackBook]
• "The only expert thing I know about a relationship is that I don't know anything. I think every time I think I know something, obviously you then learn that you don't know anything, but I do know this to be true: I know that men marry women hoping that they will not change, and women marry men hoping that they will change, and inevitably, everyone's disappointed." — Vince Vaughn. [Independent]
• "Younger guys are generally more adventurous, not set in their ways. I don't like guys my age because they are normally either married or divorced and grumpy, fat and balding." — Madonna. [Daily Express]

• Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley: Headed for divorce? According to sources:

She's been "partying hard and hanging with a number of male admirers." The two, married in 2006, have not been photographed together since last December. [Gatecrasher]

• Chris Brown sat down with Larry King last night for a "no-holds-barred chat." Expect it to air sometime next week. Interesting that it wasn't not live — no one could call in or Tweet and tell Chris how they really feel about him. [E!]
• Meanwhile Rihanna went dancing with Serena Williams, Queen Latifah and Paula Patton. [Gatecrasher]
• At her concert in Bucharest, Madonna spoke out against the discrimination of Gypsies. She said it made her "sad" that the Roma peple were discriminated against. The crowd booed. [AP]
• These blurry pix are the "three slick hipsters" who allegedly ransacked Lindsay Lohan's house. [NY Daily News]
• WTF: Some fans were escorted from their seats by security for "dancing too provocatively" at the Britney Spears concert in NYC on Tuesday. This is the same woman who shimmied half-naked with a snake while moaning "I'm a slave for you," right? [Page Six]
• Jon Gosselin's reaction to Kate Gosselin's interview with Larry King: "She didn't say anything. She just kept on redirecting and avoiding answering the questions." Jon adds: "When Larry's ready for me, I can answer questions." [MSNBC]
• Cops have located Jasmine Fiore's Mercedes, missing since her murder. Ryan Jenkins was seen leaving a hotel near San Diego on August 14 in the car — carrying a suitcase — it was the same suitcase that was later found to contain Fiore's body. [TMZ]
• Uh-oh: Gerard Butler's pug, Lolita, got into an "altercation" with a greyhound. The greyhound allegedly bit Gerard's dog twice — but the greyhound's owner says that Gerard's dog wasn't on a leash and that Gerard hit his greyhound on the head and shouted, "That dog should be put down!" [MSNBC Scoop]
• Ashley Olsen wore corduroy trousers and a turban to a Girl Talk concert in Brooklyn on Saturday. It was 90°. [Gatecrasher]
• Heidi Klum gets naked in her new coffee-table book, Rankin's Heidilicious, out in October. She says: "It's very naughty. I've been shooting with this photographer, Rankin, for seven years, and working with him is fun because he always makes me look different. And he always gets me to take my clothes off for some reason. We'll do some job, and then he'll say, 'Why don't we shoot some more things,' and I'll wind up without anything on." [E!]
• Lily Allen looks effing hot on the cover of Elle UK. Inside she says: "I wish I'd never written [my song] 'Not Fair.' You know, the thought honestly - really, honestly - never even occurred to me that it would scare men. I thought it might empower women. I thought women would go: 'Oh God, yes, at last somebody is saying it.' I didn't think it would put me in a position where guys would be like, 'Whoa, no, I'm not sleeping with you in case you write something about it!'" [The Sun]
• Derek Jeter and MInka Kelly: Secretly engaged. [Page Six]
• Anne Heche was on Letterman last night and bashed her ex-husband, Coley Laffoon. She called him a "lazy ass" and when asked by Letterman what Lafdoon does for a living, Heche said: "He goes out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, 'Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!'" [People]
• Evan Rachel Wood spills some details about her True Blood character Queen Sophie-Ann: "She's not necessarily a lesbian. Her human partner is a girl, but I'm pretty sure she goes both ways [laughs]. I think vampires are like that in general." In addition, that interview links to an Alexander Skarsgård shower scene. Le sigh. [E!, E!]
• Singer, songwriter, Mandy Moore's husband and now blogger: Ryan Adams will be writing a video game column for website The Awl. [Page Six]
• Mad Men's Christina Hendricks on the big screen! She will star alongside Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel in the romance Life As We Know It. [Variety]
• Blake Lively has joined the cast of Ben Affleck's crime thriller The Town, which also stars Jon Hamm. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Paulina Porizkova blogs: "I feel the need to constantly prove I'm not some dumb model." So she reads "lengthy sagas set in hot foreign lands." Her choices include: A Suitable Boy, The Soldier of the Great War, and Rain of Gold. "None of these books are under 500 pages," she writes, "so once read, they can be used to tone biceps or in step class." [Page Six via Modelinia.com]
• Are we supposed to be focusing on Carrie Ann Inaba's crotch in this "spay or neuter today" PETA ad? [People]
• Tom Sizemore: Charged with spousal battery. [TMZ]
• Bob Dylan's Christmas album: Not a joke. [NY Daily News]
• "Malaysia's government has barred Muslims from a concert by U.S. hip-hop stars the Black Eyed Peas next month because the event is organized by Irish beer giant Guinness, an official said Thursday." [AP]
• The new Darren Aronofsky film Black Swan has an explicit sex scene — "not just nice sweet innocent sex, we're talking ecstasy-induced, hungry, angry sex." This paper claims: "No wonder Darren didn't want Rachel Weisz, mother to his three-year-old child, to star." Huh. Well. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis will star instead. [Daily Express]
• Joanne Woodward will take over her late husband Paul Newman's film project, Lucky Them, starring Marisa Tomei, which starts shooting in the fall. [Page Six]
• T-Mobile is pushing myTouch 3G, the product competing with the iPhone, and Whoopi Goldberg will star in some of the ads. Way less creepy than that Palm Pre lady. [AdWeek]
• A source close to Ryan O'Neal says there is no truth to the rumor that Redmond is getting his own reality show. [UPI]
• Robin Williams decided to get rid of his body hair for new movie World's Greatest Dad. "I shaved because if you don't, it's, like, animal-rights issues," he says. "With this, I said to [writer-director Bobcat Goldthwait], 'I think for this scene, I should take everything off because at this point he's literally shedding everything.' It's a breakdown, but in a weird way, a positive one." [LA Times]
• Isaiah Washington and his wife have fallen behind on their house payments and face eviction; the landlord claims the former Grey's Anatomy star owes $100,000 in rent. [USA Today]
• "The less and less you 'act,' great. I had a great acting teacher at Juilliard who said, 'Sometimes, Method acting can be like urinating in brown corduroy pants: You feel wonderful, and we see nothing.' " — Robin Williams. [LA Times]
• "I think women are bitchy. That's the difference. They'll smile at you and then kill you. The men just give it right at you. Oprah's just very cold. Oprah, if she don't need you, she don't know you. Streisand, they say she's desperately shy. I think when you've got $600million, take lessons on how not to be shy. If you've got $600million, say hello to everybody. They gave it to you." — Joan Rivers. [Daily Express]
• "Someone is going to take a tweezer to those brows, and I think her hair's going to change up a little bit. It's definitely time for her to sort of grow up a little bit. People are freaking out. There's a huge sort of battle, half the people are like, get them off! And other people are like, no! It's Betty! She's always going to be Betty, but yeah, the braces are gone, the brows are being trimmed, and she's going to get a little bit more of a swoop." — Ana Ortiz, aka Hilda on the upcoming changes on Ugly Betty. [NY Mag]
• "Being German, I had a pretty precise idea of what a German movie star would be like. But I've never been shot at in a film. Most of those scenes are actually quite funny to shoot. The blood is sticky, everything sticks to you and you're pretending to be in pain… I'm a big fan personally. Most actors are. All his movies are performance driven and he writes incredibly well for women. I loved Pam Grier in Jackie Brown." — Diane Kruger, on being in Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds. [HuffPo]
• "Man, we got so beaten over the head for that! It's not like the four boys and I wrote it. You get hired to do it, they give you a script and you learn your lines. If I could have, I would have done the whole thing in German, with subtitles-everyone in dirndls and on swings and milking cows. Each nominee would have had to ride in on a big cow and milk it." — Heidi Klum, on hosting the Emmys last year. [E!]

The first paragraph of writer Eric Wilson's glowing profile this past Sunday includes a blithe mention of Wu's boyfriend, Gustavo Rangel, who was present when Wu and a neighbor bought a Domino's pizza and sat down to watch the inauguration that would feature Michelle Obama making a dramatic entrance in one of Wu's gowns. Rangel oversees Wu's company's finances; Wilson includes at the end of the article the tidbit that Rangel is waiting for Milk actress Alison Pill to wrap up a dress fitting so he can take his boyfriend to a celebratory dinner. It's a sweet touch, but if what the tipster writes is true, Wilson's article was also the first Wu's extended family had heard of his sexual orientation.

The tipster explains that he overheard Wu saying that while his parents knew he is gay, some of his other relatives did not, and that the frank revelation has caused some awkward conversations. The tipster says the Taiwan-born designer's parents were "disappointed" their son couldn't have been more "discreet."

If true, this has to be a beyond awkward situation for Wu. Who wants to get outed, even accidentally, by the New York Times? Two years ago, Wu founded his business with money from his family; their "disappointment" would weigh heavily. Wu should be feeling on top of the world; he's young, talented, apparently happily coupled, and coming into professional success. My heart goes out to him if some in his family don't see it that way. It would be nice if this rumor wasn't true.

Other people have been outed in the media, and it must be deeply unpleasant. In October 2006, Isaiah Washington called T. R. Knight a "faggot" during an argument on the set of Grey's Anatomy; Knight wasn't commonly known to be homosexual prior to that. He later told People, "I hope being gay isn't the most interesting thing about me." And even a casual reader of Perez Hilton knows that gossip's penchant for viciously pursuing stars he perceives to be closeted. What's rare is that a publication as august as the New York Times would be the venue to have unwittingly marred Wu's moment.

The Spotlight Finds The Designer Jason Wu [NY Times]

• Jennifer Lopez attended the Latino Inaugural Gala on Sunday and said of Barack Obama: "He is the biggest star here, even though it's chock-full of celebrities." Well, yeah. [People]

• Aretha Franklin warmed up for the inauguration with a Martin Luther King Jr. Day concert. She's gonna bring it today. [AP]
• Brad Pitt is psyched today! He says of Barack Obama's inauguration: "It's a new era for us - it reconfirms the original ideals of America. We're very excited about what the future holds. You see people look invigorated at home rather than the cynicism for the last 10 years." [Mirror]
• Ellen Burstyn says: "If you're only going to do one inauguration in your life, this is the one." [USA Today]
• Moby is in D.C. for the festivities, especially since he loves MoveOn.org. Apparently he DJ'd a party and the power went out, but then "hope" brought it back on, or something. [Politico]
• Isaiah Washington was one of the many, many celebs at the Huffington Post party. The place where you could see John Cusack hop a barricade to kiss Marisa Tomei. Washington got "star struck" by meeting Christiane Amanpour. [Politico]
• The Root Ball had Oprah, Samuel L. Jackson, Spike Lee and Chris Tucker, among others. David Gregory was seen dancing to Biz Markie. [WaPo]
• Ben Affleck is in D.C. where he says he'll "camp out" to get good seats. [MSNBC]
• Also in town: Ron Howard, Tom Hanks, Tina Brown, Sharon Stone. [WaPo]
• Want to know where the celebs will be tonight? There's a rundown of the balls and which stars are expected here. [Page Six]
• Serena Williams is at the Australian Open, but is following the Obama news on TV. "This is an amazing moment for American history. Even yesterday, the United States being Martin Luther King's birthday. To have his birthday and Obama's presidency fall so close to each other… This morning, I was watching on the TV before I went out to play. I looked at my arm, and I practically had chill bumps." [AP]
• Quincy Jones, Grammy Award-winning producer and composer, is now a newspaper columnist. [Reuters]
• Remember Vogue's tabloidy December issue with Jennifer Aniston on the cover, and the line, "What Angelina did was very uncool"? The mag sold an estimated 465,000 single copies of the issue, outselling the December 2007 issue by nearly 65,000 copies. Anna Wintour knows what people want. [WWD]
• Paris Hilton is at Sundance, though she seems to have no interest in movies. Her sister, Nicky has been avoiding her, and Paris has been ditching her MTV BFF Brittany Flickinger for Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton swears her airhead image is just an act. "I'm a lot more serious and shy...and if I'm not out, having to be, you know, 'on', I'm at home just chilling and wearing sweat pants." Plus! She's totes an artist: "I have a room in my house where I paint. I've been offered an exhibition, which I might do next year." [The Sun]
• Maybe it's the Utah altitude? Paris was seen sucking face with MySpace CEO Chris DeWolfe at a Sundance party. [Gatecrasher]
• Lily Allen texted a nude picture to Ricky Wilson, the lead singer of the Kaiser Chiefs, by accident. A minute later Wilson got another text which read, "Sorry, wrong Ricky." Says Lily: "That was really embarrassing. I was completely topless." She claims she meant to send the snap to Rick Astley, yukyuk. [The Sun]
• In this video, Lily Allen talks about how she doesn't like how the world is so obsessed with celebrity culture, aesthetic beauty, money and consumerism. "And yet I'm a little pop star consumer," she muses. [Pop Dirt]
• Pete Doherty says of his buddy Amy Winehouse and her Caribbean vacation: "She had gone deeper and deeper into a black place. She needed a bright light. And that bright light turned out to be the sun." Profound! [ONTD]
• Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse has met a new fella in St. Lucia: A clean-cut tennis instructor. Love means zero! [The Sun]
• Amy's dad says: "Stories about my troubled daughter are selling newspapers and magazines. They don't want her to get better. But she is better. They didn't see her lying in bed for days in a dark room. She was close to death twice. We have been working a lot to get her to where she is right now." Liquored up in the Caribbean? Really? Guess it beats cracked out in Camdentown. Oh, and there's a documentary in the works, called Saving Amy. [Perez, People]
• SNL's Fred Armisen and Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss: It's on. The two were spotted canoodling. [Page Six]
• Hugh Laurie's Playboy interview touches on his house in Hollywood, depression, Facebook, his similarities to his character on House and the suicide pact he made when he was 15. [ONTD]
• Page Six has a bone to pick with Sean Penn. [Page Six]
• A one hour as-yet-untitled TV documentary about Spongebob Squarepants is in the works. That's right: Spongebob. [UPI]
• Meanwhile, Russell Simmons is working on Spongebob bling. [Gatecrasher]
• While filming the upcoming miniseries The Last Templar, Mira Sorvino broke five teeth trying to kiss Scott Foley on a speedboat. [Page Six]
• There's a hearing in the Roman Polanski case tomorrow, not that the director will be in the country. His lawyers are using information from the HBO documentary Wanted and Desired to try and get the case dismissed. [AP]
• Look for Kevin Kline, Paul Dano, Katie Holmes and John C. Reilly in The Extra Man, a comedy to begin filming in New York next month. [Variety]
• Aww, adorable pictures of Michael Stipe and his photographer boyfriend! [Perez]
• News you cannot use: Coolio has had crabs twice, and only once from a female. [The Sun]
• Jailed Boy George has been signing autographs for inmates who "demand" them. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which eccentric actor got his start in the biz by letting directors in where the sun don’t shine?" [Gatecrasher]
• James McAvoy hates overexposed Hollywood stars and thinks they're not thespians: "I just know so much about them. So how can I accept them in a role? There are just some people, they're not actors to me. They're chip paper. Just glossy paper. If I'm in a film, or a telly, or a play, then why should people come and see it? Because you know, they can just pick up some fucking rubbish magazine, and see me in that." [Daily Express]
• Olivia Newton-John says positive thinking helped her beat breast cancer: "I was terrified of chemotherapy, and nearly didn't have any. But my best friend Nancy reminded me that I had a little girl who needed me and that I had to take every chance I was given to beat the cancer. So rather than thinking about the toxins going through my body, I visualised a stream of pure gold. That night, instead of going to bed feeling lousy, I went to the cinema with Nancy." [Daily Mail]
• "I'm not so afraid of getting old, I'm more afraid of how I'll go. Fire and tight spaces don't appeal. A shark would be interesting." — Brad Pitt. [Reuters]
• "The one thing we have to offer, we are peddling joy with both hands. You come to our show and you will leave a happy camper. In a downturn, people need a few laughs. I know that sounds corny, and I can imagine some old-timer saying it. (But) I'm always happy to be uplifted when I go to a show. People look forward to it during the hard times. If they're looking forward to it, we got it." — Bette Midler on her Vegas stage show, The Showgirl Must Go On. [UPI]
• "[Antidepressants] are something I’ve tried that has helped. They’re probably good for my work because they help with confidence, and confidence is the prerequisite of all successful endeavors. But then again, as I said, I get suspicious if things start to feel too easy or comfortable, so that’s not a perfect solution either. Pharmaceuticals do raise the question of who we are as human beings. What are moods and feelings if we can change or even do away with them? Does that reduce the essence of who we are? Then again, I tend to overthink these things. I overthink everything, I think. But if your eyesight fails, it’s okay to wear glasses or contact lenses, is it not? If you feel cold, you put on a sweater. Is that changing the nature of who you are? No." — Hugh Laurie. [ONTD]
• "I didn’t go to acting school so I didn’t know that’s what I wanted to be. I came from a background of lawyers and academics and we just didn’t watch films in our household. I had no idea who Maggie Smith or Gary Oldman or any of these people were." — Emma Watson. [Daily Express]
• "I know the studio is gobsmacked by its success, and a lot of the critics have been surprised, but I wasn't. It was a no-brainer. I knew it would do well because it was aimed at an audience that has been neglected in recent years in film offerings - women. They are the last group anybody ever cares about." — Meryl Streep, on the commercial success of Mamma Mia, which has made almost $600 million worldwide. [Telegraph]

• Britney's big eff you to her (chef) dad: Skipping dinner: "Britney thinks that if she doesn't eat much she will lose weight, then people will notice," an insider says. [MSNBC]

• Madonna is honoring Guy Ritchie's request to return to the UK for the holidays, so he can see the kids. But: Surprise! She's bringing A-Rod with her. Merry Christmas! [The Sun]
• Scarlett Johansson is threatening to sue Cosmopolitan UK over fabricated quotes about her marriage to Ryan Reynolds. [Guardian]
• Here's the thing: British Cosmo claims that the story written by Rebecca Winters Keegan had an "additional interview" by Francesca Williams. "Francesca Williams" is a pseudonym, and the "interview" was done at a press junket for Vicky Cristina Barcelona, on Aug. 4, when ScarJo wasn't even married. WTF. [WWD]
• Even Queen Elizabeth is feeling the effects of the crappy economy: They're serving leftovers at Buckingham palace. [Page Six]
• Skidoosh! Jack Black will be on a special post-Super Bowl episode of The Office! [UPI]
• Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber's newborn son has a name! Please give a warm welcome to Samuel Kai Schreiber. [People]
• January Vogue is all, "Yes We Can… Put Anne Hathaway on the cover, smiling like she's high on glue." [ONTD]
• By the by, Anne Hathaway's ex, Raffaello Follieri, has agreed to repay more that $3.6 million back to those he ripped off in a real estate scam. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Anthony Kiedis narrowly escaped kidney failure? [Gatecrasher]
• The news about Nicole Richie getting music advice from Rihanna and Kelly Osbourne? False. But! Nicole does eventually want to record an album. "Right now I have a lot on my plate," she says. "I've really been working hard – going on auditions for acting, doing design for my line, and being a mom – so that pretty much takes up my days." [People]
• Benji Madden and Paris Hilton were seen having a "quiet conversation" at the grand opening of the Dolce & Gabbana boutique on Robertson Boulevard hosted by Rachel Bilson. (?) Are they getting back together? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Someone besides the "Saudi Princess" was there in the Ruffalo death: Another person was arrested one day after Scott Ruffalo, Mark Ruffalo's brother, was shot; but he was released three days later without being charged. [TMZ]
• Dennis Quaid and his wife have settled their dispute with Cedars-Sinai Medical Center over that massive overdose that almost killed their twin babies. The Quaids will get $750,000, subject to court approval. [TMZ]
• Blind item! "Which daughter of a sports legend made a sex tape with two dudes when she was just 16? Lets hope this doesn’t hurt her (non-existent) showbiz career." [Gatecrasher]
• Anti-Scientology protesters tried to make a scene outside the premiere of Tom Cruise's new flick, Valkyrie, but they had the wrong location, whoops. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Meanwhile, Katie Holmes attended the Christmas party in her NYC building, because she is a good neighbor. [Page Six]
• Uh-oh: Uma Thurman's beau, Arpad Busson, is among those swindled by Wall Street deal-maker Bernard Madoff. He lost a lot. [Daily Mail]
• Brandy's 2006 car crash will not go away: A man was was injured in the multi-car pileup is suing Brandy… and the lady who died in the wreck. [TMZ]
• Isaiah Washington is now a citizen of Sierra Leone. [Perez Hilton]
• Click for video of Emma Watson, who says, after Harry Potter ends, "I think I will be ready to do other things…" but: "People just think of me as Hermione." [Guardian]
• Axl Rose wrote a 4,584-word open letter over the weekend and posted it on his band's website; he talks about Slash, the media, Chinese Democracy, and: "I don't see myself as solely Guns, but I do see myself as the only one from the past making the effort to take it forward whether anyone approves or not and giving beyond what many would or fight for to do so...I don't feel any reason whatsoever I should have to throw what I've not only worked for but fought and suffered for away because some hurt, angry, betrayed, misguided and lied to people with a lynch mob mentality, joined by others who could care less (especially in the media), enjoying the controversy and hate, choose one over the other regardless of what's right because they want what they want…" [Yahoo News via E!]
• Tim McGraw says despite rumors, he is not running for Governor of Tennessee in 2010. Maybe later in life, though: "I think I gotta get a lot smarter between now and then!" [People]
• Emma Thompson says her husband is so cheap: "He makes Oliver Cromwell look like Imelda Marcos on a spending spree in the Egyptian bit of Harrod's with Elton John's credit card." She adds: "When I whimper as I watch him pulling his ancient, baggy and fake Calvin Klein pants up over his perfectly formed six-pack to his chin, he snaps 'Oh, stop it. These'll be perfect for the next five years.'" [Telegraph]
• Look for Jennifer Lopez to star in a romcom called Plan B, in which a single woman conceives twins through artificial insemination (her Plan B) only to meet the man of her dreams (her Plan A) on the very same day. OMG what to do? [Hollywood Reporter]
• Reese Witherspoon will star in an untitled project by James L. Brooks, known for Broadcast News, Terms of Endearment and Spanglish. [Variety]
• Six minutes, six minutes, six minutes: Doug E. Fresh is facing triple foreclosure. [US News & World Report]
• Hoochie coochie yaya mama: The Labelle ladies — Patti LaBelle, Nona Hendryx and Sarah Dash — are back, playing a show at Harlem's Apollo Theater Friday and planning a 2009 tour. [USA Today]
• A jury says that three women who own Oscars won by silent film star Mary Pickford cannot sell them; Pickford never wanted the statuettes to be sold. But! Imagine the price those things would fetch? [Yahoo News via AP]
• Kirk Douglas, 92: The oldest celebrity blogger on MySpace. [Reuters]
• Peter Falk has Alzheimer's disease and can no longer run his own life. [TMZ]
• Hollywood private eye Anthony Pellicano's been sentenced to 15 years in prison for spying on the rich and famous. [WSJ]
• El oh el: "A contaminated monkey skull, termite-infested statues and other African artifacts of the so-called reality television show Survivor will not be allowed into the United States." Customs agents seized an bunch of stuff CBS was trying to ship from the African nation of Gabon back to the U.S. [CBS News]
• Mickey Rourke has ordered his tux for awards season: "It's got to have some pink in it," he says. "You're not going to see me ever in just black and white." [USA Today]
• "Brooklyn gets a lot of love. It's time for the Bronx to get a little bit of love too." — Pete Wentz. [Time]
• "I'm still kind of embarrassed to say it, but I had to go and see a therapist for many years and work really hard to find out what made me short circuit. There were just too many things in me that were broken that I didn't know how to fix, so I love my therapist because he took 13 years to sit there with me. I was very ashamed of seeing a therapist because I thought only crazy people went, and then, after about nine years, I asked him, 'Well, was I really crazy?' And he nodded and said, 'You were, but not any more.'" — Mickey Rourke. [Daily Express]
• "I felt the show could not go on any further without having the first black bitch on television. And he agreed." — Diahann Carroll on her conversation with Aaron Spelling about Dynasty. [Telegraph]
• "There are bands that I got into when I was 15, when I was mad at my dad and just wanted to be different. I don't think I'd give those bands half a chance now. But I hold some kind of nostalgia for them that I won't let go. Bands like Minor Threat and Black Flag. If someone just gave that stuff to me and I didn't have any of the associations that went along with punk rock or the angst, do I think that I would just go, Hey, I like this song, as opposed to 'Umbrella' by Rhianna? I'm not sure. I think I would probably go with 'Umbrella.' I'm probably going to get shot for saying that, but it's the truth." — Pete Wentz. [Time]
• "My mates are in a totally different place. I’ve grown up so much over the last few years, and they are still all into going out, and dancing and taking drugs, and they haven’t got work at five in the morning. I hang out with much older people, I go for dinners at posh places and talk about art! I haven’t really talked about this but when I decided I wanted to have a baby, I made a decision to change my life." — Lily Allen. [Spectator]
• "I'm a foodie. I like the best of the best, from sushi at Nobu to cheesecake at Junior’s in Brooklyn." — Jay-Z. [Gatecrasher]

• Sean Penn: Lousy gay lover! Diego Luna was asked about kissing Sean for Milk and said, "It was...dry." He added: "I guess he was thinking about Franco." But costar James Franco claims kissing Sean was "fine." Not hot, steamy, fun. Fine. [E!]
• Britney's youngest son, Jayden, has been released from the hospital. He was rushed to the emergency room on Sunday is because he had an allergic reaction to something he ate. The 2-year-old had hives, was itchy and irritable. The family is "just not sure" what triggered the reaction. [Page Six, TMZ]
• Madonna had a dinner party at her apartment and invited her non-Kabbalah friends, so they could meet her "friend" Alex Rodriguez. [Mirror]
• Madonna let Guy see his sons! There's a picture of Rocco and David at the airport, hugging Guy. Apparently Madonna has a list of demands that Guy must meet while the kids are with him in London. It includes a ban on TV, non-organic food and clothes not sent by her. For some reason, can't you picture Guy getting the kids hopped up on sugar and Disney cartoons? [Daily Mail]
• People and Us Weekly put Barack Obama on their covers, and those issues sold extremely well. America wasn't interested in Jennifer Aniston or Suri Cruise last week? Really? [MSNBC]

• Will a Barack Obama documentary sweep the Emmys? It's co-produced by Ed Norton… [LA Times]
• Malia and Sasha Obama might get to visit the set of Hannah Montana! "The invitation is there," Billy Ray Cyrus says. "The Hannah Montana film comes out in April. Maybe something might happen around then. Maybe not. I don’t know… I have got to keep a secret." Uh, too late! [Access Hollywood]
• Michelle Williams' dad, Larry Williams, a prominent stock market trader, has agreed to return to the U.S. to face tax evasion charges. He's been in Australia, though he's actually a resident of the Virgin Islands. He possibly owes $1.5 million in unpaid taxes. [Yahoo News]
• Here's a snippet from the Blake Lively interview in W magazine: "Lively doesn’t even attempt to hide her glee at all the freebies foisted upon her, from designer dresses and diamond bangles to an utterly insane number of pricey purses. 'I probably have, like, 60 gorgeous bags,' she says. 'I have a closet with my really sharp, fancy, nice ones—the ones that go with my Valentino pumps, for example. And then I have a closet with the ones that are a little more rugged-feeling, the kind that go with my Belstaff motorcycle boots.'" [W]
• Juliette Lewis met Ed Westwick and said, "Who is this guy?" Someone's not watching Gossip Girl. He's Chuck Bass! [Rush & Molloy]
• The creators of Gossip Girl say the show is like "a chess game." See, "Chuck and Blair are the king and queen. Everyone else, except Serena, is a pawn.” Hmm, isn't the show more like Trouble, what with the pop-o-matic dice and the moving in circles? Wait, what was the question again? [People]
• Amy Winehouse "lost it" after finding out Blake Fielder-Civil contacted the "other woman" when he got out of jail. Blake Formerly Incarcerated says, "She hasn’t dumped me. We both love each other and will be together for ever. We have spoken on the phone and I’m expecting a visit from her any time now. We can’t wait to be back together." Keep hope alive! [The Sun]
• When asked about the rumors linking him to Evan Rachel Wood, Mickey Rourke said, "She's a good friend, that's it. Tell that faggot who wrote all that shit in the paper I'd like to break his fucking legs." Whoops! Mickey's sorry! Rourke has released a statement which reads, "I want to sincerely apologize for the derogatory word I used. It was insensitive and inappropriate of me and I am deeply sorry that I may have offended anyone." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Nicole Kidman was on Oprah yesterday, and at O's urging, she pulled out a picture of her baby, Sunday Rose. [Perez Hilton]
• Speaking of Nicole, something is up with her new flick, Australia. The studio forced director Baz Luhrmann to change the ending, but don't click unless you want to know, this entire article is a spoiler alert. [LA Times]
• Mariah Carey's demands for the World Music Awards: A £100,000 private jet transport to the ceremony in Monte Carlo and a £10,000-a-night penthouse suite at the exclusive Hotel de Paris for two nights. Plus! VIP treatment for her 15-member entourage. [Daily Mail]
• Mariah was on Simon Cowell's X Factor over the weekend, and some people are saying it was one of her worst performances ever. Click for video and judge for yourself. (My 2¢: Her voice is not what it used to be.) [The.Life Files]
• Blind item! "Which proud new papa isn't much of a family guy? The handsome actor, notorious for having a roving eye, was spotted leaving a downtown hot spot with the beautiful bartender." [Rush & Molloy]
• Evan Rachel Wood claims the Obama camp wanted Marilyn Manson to play for Barack. A spokesperson says, "That it not true." [Yahoo News]
• Isaiah Washington is speaking out about Brooke Smith being fired from Grey's Anatomy: "I looked at a brilliant actress, whom I have adored since I first saw her in Silence of the Lambs. For her to be treated this way, I find very interesting. The fact is that, just before the holidays, you have a mother, a wonderful actress removed from a steady income without the proper reasoning behind it…You look at the way another consummate professional [is] being treated because her character, her story line [has] potentially made producers uncomfortable. Now that I see what they're doing to a show that I love and I care about, I think it's disgusting. The fact that Shonda has been put in this position is extremely unfair. It's unfortunate because it was probably, at the time, the most progressive show on television. Now I see it [being] systematically torn apart. Bring Burke back!" Yeah, that's right, Burke. Not Brooke. He's talking about himself, you see. [Perez Hilton
• Oh dear: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will guest star on How I Met Your Mother. Well, at least Heidi's psuedo-employed after losing her fake job. [E!, People]
• America Ferrera will star and executive produce a drama called American Tragic, about a young war vet who sets off across the country with a buddy to find redemption. Ferrera will play his wife. [Variety]
• Queen Latifah will host the People's Choice Awards on January 7. [Variety]
• Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel getting married or not? (Seems like "not.") [MSNBC]
• Tim Robbins is still battling the New York City board of elections. Did he show up to the wrong polling place? Or did they change his location without him knowing? [Page Six, NY Times]
• Regis Philbin gave his old elementary school $1.5 million in 2005; it's since been shut down. Think he wishes he had the cash back? [Page Six]
• Will Eminem's new CD come out on time? There was a December due date, but a source says, "He is being a perfectionist and is completely obsessive-compulsive about this album. There's a 50-50 chance it will be done by the end of this year - but most likely it'll be the first quarter of next year." After this long, why rush? [Page Six]
• NBC's Medium returns in January with new castmember Tracy Pollan, aka Mrs. Michael J. Fox. [EW]
• In Roger Moore's memoir, you learn that that during the filming of Live and Let Die, his first Bond flick, he had kidney stones, so he took a painkiller, methylene, that both knocked him out and turned his urine blue. He woke up in the middle of the night, mistook his closet for a bathroom and peed all over his clothes, "dying them a delightful azure." [Time]
• Kelsey Grammer on Sarah Palin: "I don't know that she doesn't know that Africa is a continent… And if I read it in the New York Times, I have to get a second source." Damn librul media! [TMZ]
• The Dallas reunion was a Texas-sized mess! Hundreds more people than expected showed up for Saturday night's barbecue and cast reunion at Southfork Ranch; angry fans complained they didn't get the access to cast members they'd paid $500 to see; while others got close to the stars without paying. [Yahoo News]
• By the by, Mayim Bialik, the star of '90s sit com Blossom, had a baby about a month or two ago. Her second child, a boy named Fred. [TMZ]
• Former boy band mogul, Lou Perlman, is discussed in a new book, and the consensus is the dude is "creepy" and tried to "wrestle" with the boys he managed. Perlman's currently serving a 25-year jail sentence for conspiracy, money laundering, etc. [Rush & Molloy]
• Actress Gong Li: Being called a traitor, because she's decided to become a Singaporean citizen. (She was born and raised in China.) [Breitbart]
• Tony Dow, who played Wally on Leave It To Beaver, will have one of his abstract sculptures on display at the Louvre. Upgrade! [Yahoo News]
• Headline of the day: "Fleetwood Mac's Lindsey Buckingham wants to play a song for President George W Bush called 'Treason.'" [Telegraph]
• WTF. Another William Shatner video, in which he talks shit about George Takei. [Perez Hilton]
• James Cromwell, who starred in the Babe movies, is recovering from a broken collarbone and partially deflated lung after falling off of his bicycle in an L.A.-area canyon on Sunday. He should be out of the hospital now. That'll do! [AP]
• Geri Halliwell has dumped her "toyboy" lover, dancer Ivan "Flipz" Velez. He's devastated. Maybe his new middle name will be "Mopez." [Mirror]
• Here's a rare photograph of Marilyn Monroe in stockings and garters. [Telegraph]
• Chris March of Project Runway was interviewed by a snarky New York magazine editor and wasn't really amused. The writer was mocking Seal's facial scars, though, so: Team March. [NY Mag]
• Beyoncé says offers have come in from magazines wanting wedding pictures and it's "crazy money that's just ridiculous." Don't worry, B is classier than that: "It's so not worth it. If anything, if you wanna put something out, then put it out, not for (money). We worked really hard at keeping it private. I've always been this way, and he's always been this way, so that's why we complement each other. We always knew that it would be private and quiet, for all the right reasons." [AP]
• Here's a lovely poem Chuck Norris has written about Barack Obama's "political stink." It rhymes! [E&P Pub]
• "He’s never let himself become a lost cause. He’s hardcore and very strong. Off-duty he flies his own plane and helicopter and he insists on doing as many of his own stunts as possible. It’s him riding the bikes and throwing the punches — he doesn’t palm it off to a stunt man." — Jamie Milnes, Harrison Ford's personal trainer, on working with him for Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. [Telegraph]
• "I thought it would be easy to cast a Bond girl, because there are so many beautiful women in this world. But not many of them can act. Their acting needed to be really strong and three-dimensional. Historically, the role of women in the world has changed. You can't have someone in a Bond film just as a sex object. [But] they have to be sexy and beautiful. That's what people expect, and that's what Bond is about." — Quantum Of Solace director Marc Forster. [Esquire]
• "I call her 'The Mouse.' And The Mouse holds on to the edge of a chair now and is gaining the confidence to think, 'Maybe these legs belong to me.' I keep telling Nicole that it's a bad sign, because once those legs gain confidence, then they're out of here!" — Lionel Richie on 10-month-old granddaughter Harlow. [People]
• "She taught me the importance of looking good and feeling good but also that beauty comes from within, because it fades. I looked at her like a therapist and a makeover queen –- the perfect glamorous smart woman. People would walk in, talk to her and tell her their issues and they'd walk out feeling and looking like a new woman." — Beyoncé, on her mother, who owned a hair salon when B was a kid. [People]
• "It's cool when you have a movie where you can show another side of yourself, like this one does. The movie is not going to be successful, I don't think. It's not the usual Van Damme action movie, so I'm not really kicking butt. People who know me, they know my story, that I came with nothing and because famous with martial arts. I did the movie because it felt good to do something like that. [I won't do a reality show because] I don't want to expose my family or even my animals to the cameras all the time. You can't even go to the toilet because they shove a camera up your butt. I would probably throw the camera out the window. They did approach me once, though — the channel with the guy with the long hair. Gene Simmons? [Checks with son.] No, it was Ozzy Osbourne, who's a big teddy bear. A letter came to my desk and he wanted to know if I'd do a reality show. Bad or good, only God should know what you're doing at all times." — Jean-Claude Van Damme. [WSJ]
• "It was OK. I wasn’t into the waif thing. She kind of looked like my nephew. I mean she’s beautiful – she’s a very pretty nephew – but I’m more into curvy women." — Mark Wahlberg on posing with Kate Moss in those 1992 Calvin Klein ads. [The Sun]
• "I'm running a business. And sometimes being the boss of your own empire and creation, you have to be assertive. Being a female, that comes with being labeled a 'bitch' and given titles that men wouldn’t receive. But if that’s what I’m going to be called by being assertive and knowing who I am and what I want out of life, so be it. I wear that label proudly." — Christina Aguilera in Rolling Stone. [MSNBC]
• "I apparently offended some animal lovers. Um, really people? I love animals as much as anyone, I don't eat pork – so for those of you fighting that good fight against me ... shut up! I was just pointing out the fact that people in California seem to care more about animal rights than human rights … I'm not running around killing chickens for fun or firing a slingshot at a squirrel." — Samantha Ronson, resonding to people who were offended by her Prop 2 vs. Prop 8 post. [People]
• "[I said] 'Sen. Obama, when you were in school in Boston, did you encounter any racism?' And he said something really interesting. He said, um. He said, 'I'm Kanye West.'" — Sarah Silverman. [Page Six]

• We were feeling kinda blue today. Then we saw this. [Boing Boing]
  
• Now that Isaiah Washington has a new job maybe he'll stop his pointless bitching. The former Grey's Anatomy cast member been cast in 5 episodes of the upcoming TV show based on The Bionic Woman. [E!]
  
• In the UK curry laced with ecstasy = attempted murder. Over here curry laced with ecstasy sounds kind of like a fun Friday night! [BBC]

• The Killers' Brandon Flowers and his wife now have a son. They are both 26. We were about to feel a little depressed about this, but then we remembered that all three of the Hansons are now married with children. And now we feel really depressed. [People]
• The Catholic Church has been ordered to fork over $660 million to 500 alleged sexual abuse victims in Los Angeles alone. [CNN]
• The X-Files Movie, Round II?! Oh 1998, it's as if we never left you! [Entertainment Weekly]
• President Bush has pledged his support to Palestinian President Abbas. Oh, Georgie — way to play the Arabs both ways! [NYT]
• So unacceptable: Celebrity The Apprentice. Any (has been) star who goes on this show will lose whatever piddling amount of respect we still hold for them. [USA Today]
• 1 U.S. casualty identified over the weekend. [DoD]

• Christina Aguilera is in the family way! Just like with a genie in a bottle, her husband rubbed her the right way. The baby-making way. [E!]
  
• Isaiah Washington's verbal diarrhea of the day: He now says Patrick Dempsey is to blame for his spewing of hate speech. [ABC News]
  
• R.I.P Beverly Sills. And big thanks to our Intro to Opera prof from college, without whom we would not care about Sills' passing. [CNN]
  
• Violent crime in South Africa is at an "unacceptable" level. Do we hear the sweet sound of the Truth and Reconciliation Committee: The Revival? [BBC]

• We all know that Pete Doherty is no fan of rehab. But now he like, totally loves it! Or so he told a judge when faced with the choice of rehab or jail. Rehab is fun! Just ask Lohan, Petey Boy! [BBC]
• President Bush still might pardon Scooter Libby, on top of commuting his sentence? Way to practice small government and morality, Republicans! [CNN]
• Awkward international news item of the day: Japan's defense minister saying that it was sorta okay for the U.S. to have dropped the A-bomb on his country during WWII. And all over the world, people squirm uncomfortably. [NYT]
• Katie Holmes, Rosie O'Donnell, and Anna Nicole (and Larry Birkhead's!) baby were 3 of British tabloid OK's list of the 19 Most Influential Celebrities. We cry for Rosie, to be put in such company. [Yahoo]
• Even senior citizens have to show ID to buy booze in Tennessee now. Which means that those poor, unfortunate college students don't stand a chance in hell. [Slate]
• How does Paris Hilton show how much jail has matured her? By scoring a Hello Kitty t-shirt, of course. [People.com]
• The Dept of Defense's website is down, and thus our regular source for reporting the U.S. casualty reports is thwarted. How do you say "vast right wing conspiracy"? [DoD]
• Wait! Ugh. Reports of 5 U.S. casualties today. [Iraq Coalition Casualties]

• Isaiah Washington — for the love of God — please keep your mouth shut. The latest from everyone's favorite fired homophobe? That ABC lied when saying that he had gone to rehab since "there is no rehab for homophobia." (Thanks to Slut Machine for this awesome graphic.) [People]
  
• New studies show that domestic cats are descended from 5 female cats from the Middle East's Fertile Crescent region, approx. 100,000 years ago. Middle East? Maybe this why they coined the term 'catfight'? [BBC]
  
• God save the Queen! Literally! Buckingham Palace will crumble into decay unless immediate emergency repairs are made. [BBC]
  
• Okay it's official: Every consumer product that comes from China is fucked. [CNN]

• Today's good news for theh animals: The bald eagle is no longer considered 'endangered'. (Just in time for 4th of July!) We brim with patriotism. [CNN]
• Today's bad news for animals: Mitt Romney once strapped the family dog to the roof of the car during a trip from Boston to Ontario. [ABC News]
• How (yawn) surprising! Democratic presidential candidates are all trying to secure the African-American vote. We don't know about you, but we make no decisions 'til Al Sharpton says we can. [MSNBC]
• The legality of veganism: Now being debated in a divorce court near you! [ABC News]
• 1 U.S. casualty identified today. [DoD]

• Is a bridal line in Kate Moss's future? Her boyfriend, supposedly sober Pete Doherty, says that if he can stay clean, he hopes to marry Moss this summer. We say there's as good a chance of that happening as there is our voting for Giuliani in 2008. [Yahoo News]
  
• New names being tossed around to replace Rosie O'Donnell. Yay, the gays! Sex and the City's Mario Cantone and Ross "The Intern" Mathews (of Tonight Show fame) are both being considered for the gig. [E!]
  
• Speaking of the gays, Jerusalem's Gay Pride Parade went off without a hitch this year. And by "without a hitch" we mean, aside from those 18 arrests of ultra-orthodox Jews during the parade, including one who attempted to bomb it. [BBC]
  
• And while we're still on the topic, maybe-homophobe Isaiah Washington continues his reign of victimhood, now saying that it is his Grey's Anatomy castmate T.R. Knight who should have been fired from the show, not him. Dude! Get over it! [People.com]
  
• Wes Craven is suing his neighbor Pauly Shore, claiming that water seeped from Shore's property onto his own and caused major damage. Wow: Pauly Shore and Wes Craven are neighbors? That's fucking hilarious. [USA Today]
  
• No porn or booze for Australian Aborigines. Glad to know that colonial paternalism is still alive and well! [CNN]
  
• First it was the whales, then the dolphins, and now all we can do is worry about the seals. Haven't marine mammals been through enough?! [Reuters]
  
• 9 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]

• Yeah, it's supposed to be vacation, but Beyonce doesn't exactly dress down. Just walking around with those earrings is like working out with weights strapped to your ankles. She reminds us of our grandmother. (Photo after jump) [People]
  
• Suri Cruise about to get a celebusib? [Sun]
  
• Gays petition to restore epithet-loving Isaiah Washington to Grey's-ness. [Page Six]
  
• Naomi Campbell to play an abusive crazed bitch (herself) in a Dunkin' Donuts commercial. [Page Six]
  
• Shar Jackson to sue Star for keeping her relevant. [TMZ]
  
• Will somebody please invite us to the Maxim Women of the Israeli Defense Forces party tonight? Thanks. [Rush & Molloy]

• The paparazzi are becoming even more underage than than the stars they stalk. [TMZ]
• Keri Russell has a baby. It turns out she is old enough to do that. Which means we are too. Fuck. [People]
• NBC trying to poach Jon Stewart [Broadcasting & Cable]

• Durham D.A. Mike Nifong is out out out. [Charlotte Observer]

• Shamed and fired former Grey's Anatomy cast member/homophobe Isaiah Washington tells the media he is getting by post-ousting by staying focused on his "day-to-day" life. And somewhere in prison Paris Hilton gets to call "First World Problems" for the very first time in her life. [People.com]
  
• Former Enron Broadband CEO Ken Rice gets sentenced to 27 months. The funny thing is, Enron Broadband was barely even a real business but.. well, yeah. [CNN]
  
• Topless lady gets $29K for settling with New York City over her wrongful arrest for exercising the right to her own Britneyness. "I've always just felt that was something natural," she said. "I've kind of always done it out of practicality." [CNN]
  
• Following the deadliest insurgent attack of the Afghan war, a US air raid kills seven children. And yeah, Iraq still really really sucks. [NYT]
  
• Sayeth Rosie O'Donnell: "I've been hanging around with those heteros for a full year and it's not fun. Turn around one and they'll stab you in the back with a high heel. They will." [People.com]
  
• The age-old question of whether Democrats or Republicans are uglier is debated by the nation's best and brightest. [Wonkette]
  
• Michael Jackson settles a $48 million lawsuit brought against him by some guy Michael claims to "not remember." [USA Today]
  
• Seven U.S. casualties identified since Friday. [DoD]

First and foremost, what will happen to Cristina Yang? Dumped by her fiance, Burke, at her wedding, Cristina now has no man, no eyebrows, and, if series creator Shonda Rhimes has anything to say about it, no sense of self. So our favorite bitch has got lots of work to do next year. And what better time than now for Cristina to connect with her Jewish heritage?! Sure, it isn't really a "heritage" per se, since, uh, she's Asian and all... but why let that stop the her?! Just look at Madonna! At least Cristina's parents are Jewish! Speaking of Madonna, Cristina will learn to let go of her anxiety by focusing her energies on founding a Kabbalah center in Seattle. Or at least a Kabbalah study group at Seattle Grace. If you can't have a man, at least you can have red string around your wrist!

With Addison gone and Meredith and McDreamy on a break, McSteamy and Meredith should get it on. Hardcore. Anyone can screw in the off-duty room. Or a supply closet. But these two need to do it in front of everyone. (In the gallery of the teaching operating theatre! Inverse voyeurism!) And then McDreamy can start sleeping with the new intern, Meredith's half-sister (whom she's never met) Lexi, which would mean that, basically, McDreamy, Meredith, Addison, Sloane, and poor, innocent Lexi Grey will all have exchanged bodily fluids and can stand in a circle and sing Kumbaya.

Alex Karev (Justin Chambers) needs to forget about the faux-amnesiac, "Ava" (aka Rebecca) and get back together with Izzie Stevens. George, meanwhile, should go ahead and end his marriage to Callie and admit — in a great art-imitating-life moment! — that he's actually gay. And since he failed the boards and can't be a doctor anymore, we suggest we start a fabulous new life... as a fashion designer, naturally!

Isaiah Washington Let Go From 'Grey's Anatomy' [People.com]

• Grey's Anatomy's resident homophobe, Isaiah Washington, to appear in PSA tonight condemning hate speech. Too bad pretty much every Thursday night show is on hiatus and no one will be viewing network TV! [People]
  
• A bird took a shit on the President today. Then Cheney tried to shoot it but hit Barney instead. [CrooksAndLiars]
  
• Naomi Campbell to star in a romantic comedy. [Fashionista]
  
• "Women's fertility" supporter wants to save us from birth-control pills. [Feministing]
  
• We continue to have a bad feeling about the whales. [CNN]