Jezebel
leftovers
Posts Tagged “
iPhone
”
leftovers
good vibes
5 Household Items That Will Help You 'Get Off' Easy
For a lot of us, masturbating is like eating: It's something we need to do to survive, and we've evolved beyond using our hands. (Or maybe it's just that some of us are so lazy that we've come to rely on technological advances to do it.) So when I packed to go on an 8-day vacation last week, I surveyed my vibe collection to see which would be the most travel-friendly for a trip with a large group of people sharing bedrooms in an open, airy beach house. In the end, I decided against packing any of them, because I knew they were all too loud or large to not draw attention. But by day 6 of my trip I was going out of my mind, and I decided I needed to be a little more self-reliant in self-pleasuring. I began compiling a mental list of items found in a typical household that aren't intended to help one masturbate (and that aren't "personal massagers"), but still help out with the task, and then went about testing each one. My results, after the jump. More »
rag trade
No Love Lost Between J. Lo And Label's Former Designer
- Jennifer Lopez is expected to file suit against former Sweetface design partner Andy Hilfiger, ostensibly because, uh, the line really sucks. Hilfiger, meanwhile, is expected to countersue because Lopez' hubby Marc Anthony is a psychotic asshole. [NY Daily News]
- In a strange twist of fate, PETA's new phone number was previously "owned" by designer Zac Posen's mother, Susan Posen. Now, when people call the number looking for Susan, PETA officials kindly inform them that her son is murdering animals for his designs. [NY Daily News]
- Kim Cattrall: Future PETA target? It appears her wardrobe is awfully croc-skin heavy in the upcoming Sex and the City movie. [WWD, 6th item]
- Karl Lagerfeld won a raffle? That seems wrong, somehow. [WWD, 3rd item]
iphone widow
The iPhone is Cool and All, But Can You Stick Your Dick in It?
I used to have a boyfriend. He was actually perfect: cute, funny, thoughtful, lots of chemistry, pulled my hair at all the right times. He was, for a period, even attentive—that is, until June 29, 2007, when the iPhone went on sale. And just like that, homewrecking Steve Jobs took my man away from me. Wherein we used to actually interact with one another during cab rides or walks or, you know, dinner, now I sit there and watch him make love to that damn phone, his unblinking eyes glazed over with rapt-geek puppy love. Granted, he is still a warm body with a functioning penis. I do still have that. But mental stimulation, emotional support—all that he gives, in full, to his beloved little iPhone. I try to pull him back to me, but he just exclaims, "Look at it! It's so thin!" Right, I get it. I'm fat. Go fuck yourself. Actually, no: You can go fuck your skinny little phone. More »
expensive shit
iGag Over Designer iPhone Cases
Status-obsessed women can now drop more cash in the name of staying 'stylish' by accessorizing their iPhones with Louis Vuitton carrying cases, being sold exclusively at the NYC Vuitton 5th Avenue flagship starting Monday. The cases range from $225 for monogrammed canvas to $1120 for alligator skin. Which, yes, means a case can cost you close to, if not twice as much, as your stupid, new, possibly outdated electronic toy. More »
commodity fetishism
The iPhone Line. Is Stupid.
Camping out for consumer goods is sort of a boy thing. Boys are always lining up for sneakers and XBox games, but you don't see women camp out at Target and H&M days before the next hotly-anticipated high-low JV. Do you? [Uh, yes. -Ed.] Well whatever. The iPhone is supposed to be insanely coveted among women — divorced women especially (and nonsensically) — who are apparently not put off by the fact that Steve Jobs has yet to use his gigantic bankroll to buy his way onto 1/20 of a Vanity Fair cover. We sent Intern Maria to find out what sort of women were about to become the envy of every boy we know. Answer: The sort of women who wear shirts that say: "Do I Make You Look Fat?" (To be fair, she's 16. Of course she makes you look fat.) After the jump, Intern Maria's experiences with middle-aged moms, stoners, reps for Heeb magazine and, of course, pasty white dudes. More »
surprisingly girly gadgets
