It's true that the coverage surrounding Secret Life of Syrian Lingerie: Intimacy and Design book has largely focused on this notion of lingerie as an expression of sexuality denied women in everyday life. The ability to - and more, to the point, desire to - buy racy underthings seems to the average Western reader like a sort of freedom, or at the very least a sense of self-expression or gratification. But, says MMW's Krista, this kind of thinking only serves to simplify the reality of the situation and, in some way, play into our notion of an exoticized temptress.

What could be a more titillating image than that of a Muslim women (presumably veiled, of course) picking out something sexy to wear when in her private harem home? It might as well be proof of the Orientalist fantasy of the seductive, exotic temptress that exists within every Muslim woman, if only we could unveil her. (*shudder*)

What's more, she adds, the "sexiness" is not for the women's sense of selves, but rather, mandated and cast in terms of pleasing their husbands.

it soon becomes clear from the article that Muslim women apparently "value sexy" only in a patriarchal and heteronormative context in which "sexy" really refers to whatever their husbands want. Mohammad Habash, the (male) head of the Damascus Centre for Islamic Studies says, "Islam orders the woman to keep herself pretty for her husband, that's well-known," implying that female sexuality equals "pretty," and that this "pretty" is only important insofar as the husband acknowledges it. One woman interviewed for the article reinforces this perspective, stating that "Muslim wives must be desirable and pleasure their husbands so they don't stray," and that it is essentially the wife's responsibility to mould herself into the object of her husband's desire. If he goes elsewhere, it is probably because she did not "value sexy" enough.

I think she makes a really strong point, especially in regard to Western coverage of the phenomenon - and I count myself guilty in oversimplifying the issue. However, I also think, at least in my case, this arises not from wanting to perpetuate an "Arabian Nights" fantasy, as much as hoping that women in other parts of the world can take pleasure in an self-expression that's not a normal part of their public lives. Basically, lingerie's fun; I'm glad other people can enjoy it, too.

In some ways, I think Krista strips the women of too much agency: while she's absolutely right to point out the problematic cultural imperatives at work, by her argument, these women are denied any of the freedom which we were probably too quick to assume. I mean, I find it hard to believe that every single one of the women shopping for the rococo underthings in the described bazaar does so joylessly, or doesn't feel remotely sexy doing so. There are a range of people, of marriages, of dynamics, at work, as in everything. Perhaps we should not assume these women are doing this for themselves; but we also shouldn't do them the disservice of assuming they're not, surely?

Sexy Things: Women Or Lingerie? [Muslimah Media Watch]
Related: Undercover
Sugar & Spice

Remember in Working Girl when Alec Baldwin gives Tess sexy lingerie for her birthday and she says, "Mick, just once it would be nice to get something I could wear outside the house."

And apparently men are so crap at buying underwear for the dames in their lives that London's John Lewis store has set up a "lingerie academy" to prevent the purchase of Pussycat Dolls-esque monstrosities in random sizes. But seriously, is it really that hard? Apparently so!

According to the academy's mastermind, Maria Walker, men's problems fall into a few categories: buying for themselves rather than their recipients; cluelessness as to size; and generally being intimidated by the setup of the creepily-named "Intimates" departments and Victoria's Secret bordellos, and the fear of looking pervy. Then too, the mechanics of fit and hoist, or underwire and cuppage, are a language that's mysterious even to women.

So, in a panic, guys go with what they've been told is "sexy," almost never what we'd choose. Think red, black, thongs, and a lot of teddies. Says Walker,

I saw a programme recently called Britain's Worst Husband and these men were sent into a high street shop to buy lingerie and they all came back with red and black lace. Every one. We have some beautiful things in red and black, but you have to make sure of the quality and you have got to look at your partner's colouring. Someone with dark hair and olive skin would look wonderful in red but if you're blonde...

Rather than guessing at sizes (which I can tell you from my time in retail, men never know even if they think they do) the academy recs that guys get camisoles and panties and stay completely away from thongs, however much they want them. They also have to coax some guys out of the weird virgin/whore complex that presupposes that racy lingerie suggests "mistress." I would personally add to this: if there is any danger of receiving lingerie, ever, beat into the buyer's brain the brand you wear: it's so hard to find stuff that works with the vagaries of individual breasts there's no point taking a chance on a line that cuts small through the back (ahem, Elle MacPherson) or inconsistently in the cup (yes, looking at you, Gap Body.) Because the thing about lingerie gifts is, even if they kind of suck, most of us will wear them just to be good sports. Like faking orgasms, this kind of white lying runs the risk of fooling a guy into thinking he's done an awesome job and repeating the error but I do feel it's one of those occasions where prevarication is kind. Unless, you know, we're talking about a raccoon suit or some other outlier - which disciplines the academy does not appear to address.

How To Buy Underwear For Women [Times of London]