1.) Jon Gosselin
I know it's nearly impossible that anyone in America managed to miss him since he was all over TV talking about how he doesn't want to be on TV anymore. On Monday on The Insider, Jon faced off with Nancy Grace. Later in the week, The Insider tried to propel that insanity by airing "footage you didn't see" from the event. Here, Jon admits that his earrings are CZs.


Jon also ran back and forth between The Insider and Entertainment Tonight, showing "bank statements" proving that he did not steal money from Kate.










However, even the correspondent on The Insider recognized that this one transaction receipt proves absolutely nothing.




2.) "I'm showing America how it works."
God, he's like the fountain of spoof.


3.) In other grossness: Tamerlane Phillips.
Remember two weeks ago when people didn't care about the Gosselins for four days because Mackenzie Phillips' rape and incest bombshell stole the show? Tamerlane Phillips misses those days.


4.) The best intervention ever, courtesy of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.





5.) Kaity Tong Drunk?
Speaking of interventions…sheesh.


This man-on-the-street from the story she was introducing is awesome.


6.) Shut up, Joy!


7.) People are still getting "The Rachel"?


8.) Does Kim know that wig hair doesn't grow back?


9.) Khloe Kardashian's 9 Carats


10.) WWWWD?
She would think WWJJD.

Tara is a homeless woman in her late 20s who is addicted to partying in general. Her drug of choice wasn't really made clear. According to the urinalysis Donna gave her, Tara came up positive for just about every single drug listed, although she claimed she'd been sober for several days. Tara lost custody of her firstborn daughter after her pediatrician discovered cocaine in the child's system. Shortly thereafter, Tara's family staged an intervention, but she was kicked out of the facility when it was discovered that Tara was pregnant, and the father was her drug dealer. She subsequently lost custody of that child, as well. She was finally ready to get her life together, and hired Donna as her sober companion to help her out and get her into a sober living facility. However, Tara wanted one last party before checking in, which Donna was not having. Basically, Donna didn't believe a word that Tara said about anything, which led her to say, "You can piss on my leg and tell me it's raining…" before walking out the door.


The sober living facility Tara was to check in to requires that residents be clean for at least 48 hours before moving in. However, Tara opted to get as high as possible instead.


After partying all night, Tara contacted Donna and told her she was ready to get serious about her sobriety. Donna invited Tara to stay in her hotel room for 48 hours to make sure she was sober so that she would be able to check into a sober living facility. Upon searching Tara's bags, Donna found a freshly used needle, as well as other people's checkbooks and identification. Donna then put her own valuables in a safe deposit box so that Tara would not have to opportunity to steal her identity. Tara finally checked in to sober living and 24 hours later, she relapsed and disappeared. She returned to the facility three weeks later, but because of some felonies she was charged with, she faces a very long jail sentence.

The follow-up episode showed Allison working and living near her rehab facility in California. She had just received her one-year sober chip, and decided to visit her family in Rhode Island to complete steps eight and nine of her program, by making amends with those who were affected by her drug use. She seemed way healthier and has a sense of humor about her original episode, which is one of the most well-known in the history of Intervention.

Earlier: Intervention: The Worst Case Of A Huffing Addiction We've Ever Seen

Related: Allison Is Walking On Sunshine [YouTube]

When it comes to reality television, my bar is set incredibly low. However, I was extremely disturbed by this episode: While I do think that Intervention is typically a responsible show—as well as helpful and educational for people going through similar problems with loved ones suffering from addiction—what took place on last night's installment left me questioning whether young children should be exposed to this level of melodrama.

Here's the backstory: Bret had been an alcoholic for 10 years. He didn't seem like a sloppy drunk, but a mean drunk with a dark side. (He'd recently purchased a shotgun that he kept loaded in his closet.) Although Bret's wife of over 20 years—Amaya—divorced him after a previous intervention and rehab stint failed, for this attempt at getting him sober, the family decided to involve Bret's two children—a teenage girl, Kelsey, and a boy, Kyle, about 9 or 10. (At the pre-intervention meeting, Bret's daughter Kelsey said she felt a lot better after hearing what the interventionist had to say, and found his counseling helpful. Kyle seemed particularly troubled by his father's alienation from the family, and blamed himself for his dad's absence in his life.)

The intervention didn't go well. Bret became enraged almost immediately and ran out of the hotel conference room where everyone was meeting. (The family screamed and cried and chased him down in the parking lot to continue reading their letters.) Bret proclaimed, essentially, that he wouldn't stop drinking for anyone, including his children, which caused his son to collapse on the ground with his mother and sob uncontrollably. He then began walking home.

Concerned that Bret was going home to kill himself with is shotgun, the interventionist piled everyone into the car—kids included—to speed over to Bret's condo, break in, and get the gun. It seemed like a situation that could put these children in extreme danger. It left me wondering if Kyle would have been better off, emotionally, if he had been shielded from this mess.

I understand that probably Bret's kids really needed to confront him with their feelings, and since he was obviously a stubborn case, the family probably felt his children would be the most convincing at getting him to go into treatment. But allowing the children to go into Bret's condo and look for his gun? Completely irresponsible.

In the end, (and off-camera) Bret agreed to go into treatment only after his family threatened him with legally getting him involuntarily detained for psychological evaluation. After completing 80 days of treatment, Bret was diagnosed with advanced esophageal cancer, which is linked to alcoholism. He passed away three weeks later. He had been sober for 104 days. His son's speech afterward was heartbreaking.

Intervention has posted up an update on Bret's family on its website.

1.) Debbie Rowe
Love her.



LOVE. HER.



You can see her wild side in her ear lobes.



And her T-shirts.



When I saw this shirt over the weekend, it immediately made me think of Aileen Wuornos' dream job of raising "she-wolves" on a farm with her girlfriend, as revealed in Nick Broomfield's doc.

2.) "What makes you think you're Paris Hilton or some damn body?"
Last night's 16 and Pregnant featured a teen and her mom, both of whom are pregnant (out of wedlock). They — and their boyfriends and pets — all live in the grandmother's two-bedroom home. Looking for a place to store her clothes in the cramped house, the teen began emptying out a junk drawer in Meemaw's room, where she found a mug with a penis as the handle. But it turns out the mug was not Meemaw's. It was Meemaw's mother's — the teen's great grandma.

3.) She's Totally "The Other Paris" Now



Or at least for this week.

Also: Why does a guy who is too straight for high heels even wanna be Paris' BFF?

3.) Gay in the Face
Katherine Jackson subscribes to the "gay face" theory, as evidenced by this old ass interview Entertainment Tonight dug up.

4.) Five Fun Facts Dr. Arnold Klein
He was Michael's dermatologist.
He is responsible for Debbie Rowe in our lives.
He is friends with Carrie Fisher.
He has no problem going on television and claiming that he jerked off in a doctor's office to donate sperm just for the hell of it.
CBS News finds his clothing incriminating.

5.) What We All Missed On TV This Week
Judge Judy was preempted on Tuesday because MJ's funeral ran way over. I was upset about it because I had been looking forward to the case after I saw this preview for it and learned that it involved a girl urinating on her roommate's sneakers in retaliation for something.

But I seen saw this:

6.) This Guy:

7.) Motorized Wheelchair Commercial Lady
She makes getting older look easy…and dizzy.

8.) Big Brother 11
Big Brother returned this week. Part of "the twist" of this one is that a cast member from a previous season was allowed to enter the house. It was Jesse, from season 10. I'm pretty happy with this decision. He says "sweet beans" instead of "cool beans."

9.) The "No Shit" Award Goes To…
Nikki was on Intervention this week. She's addicted to Methadone and Anti-anxiety medication, among other downers. Needless to say, she is chilllllllled.

Her sister has a personal opinion as to why Nikki likes drugs.

10.) Katie's Sign Off

1.) Moms and Their Boxed Wine
After staging an intervention for her son, this woman's family then staged one for her over her Xanax addiction. She didn't want to go to rehab because of the its strict no-alcohol policy.

2.) Does Joan Rivers realize that perhaps she's gone too far with the cosmetic procedures?

3.) Did you like the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion shows?

But it sucks that they never revealed what exactly Danielle "tried" to do to Dina that Caroline was freaking out about. From the way Caroline told it, Danielle took a hit out on her. But that doesn't seem realistic. Danielle sort of hinted at what it might on her blog:

I had no idea at the time what "disgraceful" acts she was referring to. I only found out later what she was talking about, from someone in her own family. I simply gave a phone number to her ex brother-in-law to contact proper people with questions that he had concerning something that was absolutely none of my business. I was asked to give this information to him.

4.) Cop Without a Badge Guy Talks
Danielle's ex-husband, Kevin Maher, who gave up all the dirt on her in "The Book" was on The Insider talking about how Danielle is "a bisexual." She didn't really deny it though.

5.) Promise Piercings
Kids are expressing their love for each other in new and different ways, like piercings…

…And emails.

6.) More Kid Stuff
NYC Prep was alright, but not great, IMO. But I did really like this girl, who is friends with one of the cast members, but not part of the cast herself. She's down town/to earth.

She seems tipsy.

And I love the way she communicates.

7.) Snoop's Statement On Michael Jackson

8.) Snoop Getting Off The Phone




9.) Larry King And "My daddy, P. Daddy"

10.) Reading: With Kathie Lee & Hoda

Jason was a jock, and readily admitted that he was a bully in high school. He found out that his name was on the "white hat" list — a rundown of jocks and bullies who were targeted in the attack — compiled by mass murderers Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. For the past 10 years, Jason has believed that he, in part, caused the Columbine massacre, and used intravenous drugs as a way to escape. Incidentally, his mother was so pained over her son's problems with drugs, that she would have severe panic attacks. She began abusing Xanax to cope, and after the intervention for her son took place, her family also asked her to go to rehab.

Being fraternal twins, Julia is three inches taller than Sonia. Growing up, Julia weighed more than her sister, which helped contribute to eating disordered behavior. When Julia dropped to 86 pounds, Sonia felt like "the fat twin," and became competitive with her sister on how little the two could eat. As a way to control the competition, the girls decided to come up with their rules, and began mapping out what they would eat each day, so that it would remain equal. Their obsession caused them to drop out of college, and move in with their parents, where they sleep in the same bed and live their lives around their shared disorder.

At the intervention, the girls agreed to get help at a clinic, and seemed to be improving by the end of the episode.

Chris's family is accepting of the fact that he's gay, but they don't view his long-term relationship as "real," the way they do with his sister and her husband, who have been together a much shorter amount of time. He's also resentful that his nieces and nephews don't refer to his boyfriend as "Uncle Shawn." Lastly, he's upset that he doesn't own a house and have a family. His pain about these issues is real and palpable, but it's hard to say that if they weren't present in his life that he wouldn't suffer from alcoholism, as his father and his father's parents all had the disease.

20.) Bobby Brown Farts On Carnie Wilson, Pees On Dee Snider
Bobby Brown took a half-hearted stab at earning a pay check and having a country music career via the reality show Gone Country, in which he lived with other out-of-work celebs down South and competed for a record contract. In this clip, he gets drunk, eats ribs, farts and pees.

19.) Teen Bathes, Then Bonds With Senior Citizen
Baby Borrowers was a social experiment in the form of a reality show that was supposed to teach teenagers how hard it is to raise a family and run a household. For some reason, one of the episodes called for the teens to care for senior citizens, maybe to scare them off of the burden of dealing with elderly parents later on down the road. In this clip, a teen has to bathe her senior ward, and then they have a touching conversation about the generational differences of filing nails square or rounded.

18.) Meet The Two Most Effective Forms Of Birth Control
Some episodes of Supernanny are scarier than horror movies. In this clip, two little terrors defiantly pick their noses and wipe the boogers on a wall, physically abuse their mother and say terrifying things like, "I have a dick and a weenie in my weenie," and "I'm gonna fuck you in your privates one day!"

17.) Vagina Insults Are The New "Ya Momma"
MTV's That's Amore — the spin-off of Shot at Love with Tila Tequila — featured women who incessantly talked about other women's vaginas.

16.) American Idol Contestant Who Looks Like Willem Dafoe With Face Glitter
Alexis Cohen was one of those "bad" auditions featured during the open-call leg of American Idol. They're always easy targets, but her working knowledge of the English language and her literal glittery attempt at polishing a turd made her the best of the worst.

15.) Stage Mom Has Violent, Psychotic Outburst
Rocky, stage mother to Haley, from VH1's I Know My Kid's a star first won our hearts when she asked her daughter if her tampon string was visibly hanging below her miniskirt. This freak out sealed the deal.

14.) Woman With A Half Wig Cries About It
Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta attracted attention and confusion over her hair — an obvious wig that did not match the color of the natural bangs in the front. Her attempt at clearing the matter up (she had cancer!) only confused everyone more (wait, she only thought she had cancer!).

13.) Pussylicious
The reality show in which women compete for a spot (that's actually never given to them) in the the Pussycat Dolls lineup was called Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious, which obviously needed to be shortened to "pussylicious." Especially after one girl's introduction included her saying, "I'm Cassandra. I'm from Aurora, Illinois, I live in Chicago now, and I have a tattoo of cherries on my hoo-ha." Later, another girl gets injured and is forced to dance in her wheelchair.

12.) Women Past Their Prime Audition For Modeling Competition
She's Got the Look was supposed to be America's Next Top Model for the over-35 set. In this clip its obvious that there were reasons beyond their age that have kept these women from working the runway.

11.) Corey Haim Doesn't Understand Why Everyone He Knows Wants Him To Go To Rehab
It's always ridiculous/sad when addicts who can't fully open their eyes or articulate words think that they are fooling everyone. It's double ridiculous when it's someone like Corey Haim who has had a long public history of drug addiction.

10.) Is This Lady's Husband Gay?
Alex and her husband Simon were the breakout stars of Real Housewives of New York. They were attached at the hip, obsessed with teaching their uncooperative children French, and dropped $20k on opera tickets even though their Brooklyn brownstone was literally falling apart. But the question on everyone's mind was whether or not Speedo-wearing Simon is gay or just simply European.

9.) Women Get Wasted, Puke, Break Dishes, & Hock Loogies
This scene from Charm School: Rock of Love was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior since Bret took the girls to Vegas on season one.

8.) Stripper Mom And Porn Star Have Threesome With Dude, While Another Girl Mistakes Couch For Toilet
Scratch that! This is the was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior, brought to us by those classy roommates of Bad Girls Club.

7.) Flavor Flav Draws The Line At Herpes
As though he doesn't have the virus himself.

6.) The Matchmaker & The Mafia
Intervention is supposed to be a poignant, serious show about addiction, however, some of the characters — like this Italian woman who comes from a family who is part of "The Family" — make us smile.

5.) Denise Richards Calls A Celebrity Journalist A Cunt
As much as Denise Richards: It's Complicated sucked, it was fun to see the real reason behind why the tabloids are so hard on her.

4.) Brooke Hogan Is A Sexist Moron
The irony of her show being titled Brooke Knows Best escaped no one. In this clip, she reveals that her thoughts on politics, and how women's menstrual cycles makes them unfit to serve as President.

3.) America's Next Top Model Is A Menstrual Show
Per Tyra Banks' advice, women should bend over and wince in pain, as though they have menstrual cramps, in order to look "editorial."

2.) Terrifying Texas Mom Shows "Pansy" Husband Who's Boss
Wife Swap is a reliable source when looking to investigate the weirdos of America.

1.) Bikini Corie
The best elimination speech in competition-based reality TV programming ever, courtesy of Paris Hilton's My New BFF.

Janet's first husband was a millionaire drug trafficker, but she left him after all of their assets were seized by the government. The second time around, she married for love, but missed the money and partying lifestyle. However, the lack of the former did not keep her from pursuing the latter: Her second husband has filed for divorce, she's taken up with a 75-year-old boyfriend who lives in a trailer park, her wardrobe is limited to bikinis and sarongs, and she drinks a gallon of white wine a day. She refers to herself as a "lady of leisure."

Earlier: Sometimes It's Mom — Not Media — Who Gives Girls Eating Disorders