A friend who is similarly infomercial-obsessed (let's just say we've both seen the inside of a PedEgg) told me about this at a party this weekend and I couldn't believe it. The obvious question: "Where does the fat and skin GO?" isn't answered by this commercial, which appears, like most infomercials, to be aimed at the baby boomers, but it did give us an idea for some sort of invisible Spanx-like invention that pulls all of the skin on your entire body up and into a neat and tidy huge lump on the top of your head, which you would then cover with a hat (hat not included.) By women, for women! In the infomercial realm, nothing is far-fetched.

Watch Women Get Arm Lift & Thigh Lift Instantly [YouTube]
Instant Arm Lift [Official Site]

The Topsy Tail! Because your ponytail isn't worth a thing unless it somewhat resembles an Auntie Anne's pretzel.


Hairigami is important to those who enjoy having their head look like a basket filled with pastry.


Nads: The Hair Removal System. The first line of this video is worth it: "I come out of the bathroom...'You have NADS?!'" Classic.


The Crimper: For some reason, using The Crimper turns you into an extra from a Motley Crue video. It's sort of like a secret weapon that allows you to be a soft core porn star at night, and a tea drinking lady by day. And you can buy it at Sears!


Bumpits: Okay, these haven't been retired yet. But Sarah Palin is leaving office, so it's only a matter of time.


HairLites: Endorsed by Ginger Spice and the Bride of Frankenstein.


The Flowbee! How did a vacuum cleaner home hair cutting system ever fade away?! HOW!?!

The PedEgg is a home pedicure system that's designed to scrape rough, dead skin from the feet. It looks a bit like a marshmallow-lamprey hybrid and costs approximately $10. You can usually find the PedEgg at any drugstore, on the shelves next to other random "As Seen On TV!" products, like that weird razor sharpener that allows you, for some reason, to keep a disposable razor sharp for infinity and beyond.

Let's just get this out of the way: the PedEgg commercial is gross. It is gross for a myriad of reasons, a major one being the aforementioned foot shavings scene, wherein our enthusiastic PedEgg users show how the product works by scraping its sharp, grated edge along their soles before opening the PedEgg to reveal the layers of dead skin they've just removed. This, I believe, is supposed to impress us, which it would, I'm sure, if we were looking at our own "OMG I can't believe all of this dead skin was on my foot" results in the privacy of our own homes. Seeing someone else's foot shavings pile while you're sitting on your couch, just trying to eat your waffles and relax on a Saturday morning, is quite different:

Still, as gross as the PedEgg may appear on television, there's no denying that it's a popular product, with over 2 million PedEggs sold. As the economy tanks and people begin to cut back on luxury spending, I wouldn't be surprised if PedEgg's sales skyrocket over the next few months: now that sandal season is over, people might think twice about getting that $30 pedicure, opting instead to scrape their dead skin away by themselves in the comfort of their own homes, with a savings of $20 tucked in their pockets. Is sitting in the bathroom, rubbing your heels with a handheld cheese grater-esque contraption as glamorous as soaking your piggies in a hot spa at a nail salon? Maybe not. But it's a lot cheaper, and right now, that's what counts.