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MEGAN: I had a dream the night before last that Dolly Parton was having a three-way with two guys on a helicopter maneuvering to escape enemy fire. And I was watching. What does this say about our psyches?

MOE: That's a rhetorical question right? Good.

MEGAN: Yeah, I don't want to know either

MOE: So let's see. I sort of feel like it's a snow day because Obama's turnout in Indiana actually kept rising after I fell asleep. Also, I'm taking off the rest of the day so there is that. And because I've been watching Fox I've been hearing nothing but "Clinton is going to pull through, she's our girl; she's a working class hero; he's arugula-class Hegel" blah blah so this was really fun. Last night Shep Smith was outright rolling his eyes dramatically at anyone who said she still had a chance.

MEGAN: Shep does a lot of things very dramatically

MOE: Unrelated: Michelle and the persimmon color: hot! I wanted Shep to weigh in on that but he didn't.

MEGAN: I switched channels around 10:30 or so when they did a whole piece on McCain and conservative judges and I couldn't take it anymore.
MEGAN: Yes, actually, I liked the colors of both Michelle's and Hillary's outfits last night. I particularly appreciated Hillary's jewelry choice for once.
MOE: OH I don't notice jewelry because I don't really do jewelry — I'd say because I am trying to do that whole "urbane tomboy aesthetic" thing but actually just because I will lose it — what did it look like?
MEGAN: It was like, simple and silver, rather than a huge chunky thing. Check it out.
MOE: Even Fox & Friends, which this morning was like "It's a big day for Obama, it's a big day for Hillary; it's a big deal for the host of Fox & Friends because it's his birthday..." Uh, happy birthday right wing conspiracy!
MEGAN: Doocey? If you emerged fully formed from the gaping mouth of hell, do you get to call that day your birthday?
MOE: Oh my god right now on Fox News they're blowing their outrage wad on the fact that some American Idol contestant last night didn't remember the words to the Byrds song he was performing. HOW COULD HE NOT REMEMBER THE WORDS TO THAT SONG IT'S LIKE THE FUCKING NATIONAL ANTHEM FOR CHRISSAKE.
MEGAN: Hey, it's no Proud to Be an American.
MOE: AAAAAH
8:45 AM
MEGAN: Sorry, couldn't resist. I didn't watch American Idol because the future of our democracy was at stake or some shit.
MOE: Okay now there are lots of kids on the Fox & Friends. The guy whose birthday it is is Brian. He has a Goodfellas unsinister bad guy face. And now here's Mike Huckabee! And he's chastising Brian for having such a big birthday cake!!! Is this what happens when Fox is temporarily forced to try and clear its viewers' mental caches so they forget how forcefully they've all been claiming things were the way they provably as of yesterday aren't?
MOE: Hey, here's a birthday cake! Here's a folksy governor! Here's some protest music! Kiddies!
MEGAN: Is there a clown?
MOE: Is there a clown...
MEGAN: I know! I was trying to throw you a joke softball.
MEGAN: Have you ever watched all of Obama's surrogates on TV and wonder why they are all so Midwesternly white?
MEGAN: (Sorry, some communications guy just came on MSNBC and he looks like a young Karl Rove only without the red glowing eyes)
MOE: I told you I don't have sound.
MOE: On my other news stations.
MOE: They haven't really had many Obama surrogates on Fox.
MOE: I'm switching to CNBC. Let's see what the market is saying about this.
MEGAN: Ah, ok. Well, they are. It's like they're coming to all of us and being like, no, it's cool, he has white friends. I'm honestly trying to remember a senior campaign official of his or national surrogate who is a person of color.
MOE: Oooh, weird, the first commercial was for something called Salesgenie.com and it is entirely in Mandarin.
MEGAN: Ok, so, the markets have decided that none of us have any money to buy anything anyway? Great.
MEGAN: I mean, in my case it's true, but still.
MOE: That's true I can't think of any black Obama surrogates. I feel like I've seen other minorities but not black surrogates and that's a very salient thing that hasn't been pointed out. I'm thinking this was incredibly calculated and it's entirely to blame for the entire Jeremiah Wright Al Sharpton rage thing. And maybe that is why this Wright scandal didn't cast the terrible "shadow" all the headlines were saying it would cast. Because if there is one thing I have learned recently it's that Boomer Fatigue is not just something White People Like. It's color bline.
MOE: blind
MEGAN: Ok, so, we could talk about something else because I totally have primary fatigue. Hey, look, Putin's buttboy/puppet just got inaugurated in Russian. That's vaguely interesting.

MOE: Sorry I had to get the door
MEGAN: No worries, I just thought you thought Russia was boring. The new guy is cute for a dictator.

MOE: We've discussed how Medvedev was sort of Putin's protege at school, when Putin was a KGB agent...but he was really a narc...I know we've discussed him before. Oh yeah and he's the former chairman of Gazprom. In other news Burma accepted storm aid.
MEGAN: Now just let's hope that the junta can keep their sweaty palms off of it, though I'm not that hopeful on that point.
MOE: Perhaps we should incorporate the sassy exchange from last night's CNN that a reader just implored us to excerpt.

So stop the divisions. Stop trying to split us into these groups,
Paul, because you and I know both know we have been in more campaigns.
We know how Democrats win and to simply suggest that Hillary's coalition
is better than Obama's, Obama's is better than Hillary's — no. We have
a big party, Paul.

BEGALA: That's right.

BRAZILE: Just don't divide me and tell me I cannot stand in
Hillary's camp because I'm black, and I can't stand in Obama's camp
because I'm female. Because I'm both.

BEGALA: That's — Donna -

BRAZILE: And I'm wealthy so I might go with McCain and sit with
Bill Bennett, Paul.

BENNETT: That's funny.

BRAZILE: Don't start with me, baby.

MEGAN: Ooh, by the way, the AP is just now reporting that Hillary loaned herself another $6.4 million in the last month, in addition to the $5 million she never paid back.
MEGAN: Despite the $10 million she raised in 2 hours after Pennsylvania
MOE: Yeah apparently she said something along the lines of, "Forget post-racial, the Clinton argument has become post-rational."
MOE: And then there was that amazing appendage comment.
MEGAN: The appendage comment?
MOE: It's referenced here. Regarding the math. You know: Well, if she manages to reason with all the superdelegates, and wins 72% of the delegates in the remaining races, and engineers some strategy whereby Michigan and Florida take on Obama before the Supreme Court, and Operation Chaos ramps up, then she can still... And then some dude was like "And if my aunt had a male appendage, she'd be my uncle."
MEGAN: Oh, right. Also, Hillary needs 72% or so of the remaining vote to retake the pledged delegate lead including Florida and Michigan, according to MSNBC.

MOE: Is this why we are finding this boring now?
MOE: I mean, he couldn't have had a more negative news week.
MOE: Oh shit, and PEGGY NOONAN WAS RIGHT AGAIN
MEGAN: Obama? I mean, I suppose it could come out that he beat someone or had gay tendencies or something, but barring that, it wasn't a good news week.

MEGAN: But I think the beneficial thing about the 24 hour news cycle is that eventually 95% of people tune out and nothing pundits say matter anyway, which is why most people are just happy to not hear about Reverend Wright anymore.

MOE: One thing I didn't quite understand that I learned from the New York Post is that last night Obama picked up 69 delegates to Hillary's 63, which seemed...uh...a little off. But I don't do math.
MEGAN: In North Carolina?
MEGAN: No, I think that's just wrong.

MEGAN: CNN says Obama picked up 64 in NC and 38 in Indiana, and Hillary got 44 and 41, respectively. I can't do math, but I think the NYP is wrong.
MOE: that's 85 for hillary and 103 for obama
MOE: So yeah
MEGAN: Mere bloggers have proved actualy journalists wrong. The world might need to stop turning on its axis.

MOE: OK I guess we gotta do this today like every day but I got nothin but a sharp pain in my right temple.
MEGAN: Yeah, dude, today sort of sucks for news. Where was everyone yesterday?
MEGAN: It's so slow, Politico has a column about what Obama should go dirty about if he went dirty.
MOE: Well the DC madam was en route to... the big brothel in the sky? And NY State Supreme Court Justice Robert Doyle was in the parking lot, arraigning a guy who was too fat to squeeze into the courtroom. I was getting a facial and buying shoes and going to the National Magazine Awards, which were incredibly exciting. Hillary was getting her ass licked by everyone on Fox News for her courage and grace under the pressure of "The master" Bill O'Reilly.
MEGAN: Also, Congressman Vito Fossella got arrested for a DUI in Alexandria. Dude, that's what interns are for,

MEGAN: to drive your drunk ass home
MOE: I do kind of love something about this:

"You're a polarizing personality," Mr. O'Reilly chuckled during the interview. "You're like I am, and I hate to say that," he said.

MOE: Yeah or when you just learn that the "that bartender is TOTALLY IGNORING ME BECAUSE SHE HATES ME" sensation is a very self-obsessed one and that, if you just chill, they will come. Although sometimes at the Magician it can feel like it is taking a hysterically long time for the bartenders to remember there is another side of the bar. But hey people spend three days in line for bread in Venezuela.
MEGAN: And prolly longer for good dirt cookies in Haiti. You know, I will admit that I have in past years done better with male bartenders than female (cleavage=attention getting device) but lately I've been making friends with lady bartenders, too. I have one's card from last Friday night. She was fun. I taught her how to make a new champagne cocktail.
MOE: I don't know why I am talking so much about alcohol on this hangover but I do enjoy a Kir Royale once in awhile. I always figure bartenders respect that I stick to whiskey and the snobbiest ales they have on tap. But I flatter myself. And male or female it doesn't seem to matter in my case. Although making out at a bar you are more likely to be kicked out by females I think.
MEGAN: I've never been kicked out of a bar for making out. Being rowdy, yes. Making out, no.
MOE: Yeah, the Magician again. I guess I have some unresolved hostility toward that place.
MOE: Never kicked out for being rowdy though.
MOE: Oh wait I missed my segue.
MEGAN: Seg away!
MOE: Obama drank crap beer
MEGAN: God. Panderer.

MEGAN: Oooh, a minister asked McCain about the cunt thing! And he wouldn't say.
MOE: It worked!

Obama greeted George L Sheneman, 80, who pulled out a yellowed letter which Obama read and thanked the man for his service. Your pooler chatted later with Sheneman, who was born in North Liberty and who said he is now an Obama supporter. The letter was one of gratitude from President Truman, written in 1947 when he was discharged from Korea. He served there before the war.

"We have a man whose temper can get the best of him," Parrish said. "What I am worried about is his temper. Our country is in a serious crisis. This election is the most significant one since 1860. It appears America is asleep — so I stood up and asked the question."

MOE: Okay, I'm going to say something about Hillary.
MEGAN: WARNING: CONTROVERSIAL PARTISAN CONTENT TO FOLLOW
MOE: Maybe I am glad she has stayed around this long. Because the Republicans who are suspicious of Obama, namely because he breathes new life into Old Liberal Values and is, truly, "transformative" in terms of the ideological battle between left and right in this country, have been forced to reconsider Hillary entirely. And what started as "grudging self-serving respect" seems to have turned into something more genuine. I truly think some of the same Angry White Men who made her ankles and her cookies and her arrogance into such the Machialesbian Menace have changed their minds. I think the respect is more genuine today. I think they are listening to her when she talks. I could be wrong and it could all be a put-on. But hearing Fox News on the subject of Hillary is about the only thing I can really bear to hear them discuss that isn't, you know, celebushit.
MEGAN: I think part of it's put on, but I'd agree that being in it long enough had brought her more respect than she had before.
MEGAN: However, part of me selfishly wishes that the stupid thing was already decided.
MOE: I mean, of course it is. But in the put on I think a lot of partisan right wingers have really been forced to genuinely rethink Hillary. Ann Coulter is 95% satire, but there was some genuine fondness in her various pro-Hillary screeds, and I'd possibly say the same for Rush, and I think it's really fascinating. Because I never understood in the first place how she was so polarizing — I always thought she was just beholden, and possibly too interested in power for power's sake, and I hate Bill Clinton — and Bill O'Reilly's deference toward her I think was something of a watershed.

MOE: Oh also black churchgoers feel the same way we do about Jeremiah Wright
MEGAN: I think that's sort of where the sexism comes in. Plus they hate Bill Clinton, too, for coopting their messages and being a better politician than them. And possibly for fucking their wives/sisters/daughters.
MOE: I think the campaign has forced a lot of sexists to acknowledge their own sexism definitely. also
MOE: This funny blog called Jeremiah Wright an example of "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong" and I just got a reallll bad case of Chapelle nostalgia.
MOE: Where the Fuck is Dave right now for this election
MEGAN: Aw, Dave Chapelle! If it helps you come back, I'll totally pretend to not find you funny!
MEGAN: Jerking off into piles of cash?
MOE: Yeah I will come see you and bring 9 black people with me!
MEGAN: And I'll pretend to be shocked and slightly horrified by your comedy!

• Rev. Jeremiah Wright is going on PBS tomorrow night to reflect on his newfound fame. "I think they wanted to communicate that I am unpatriotic, that I am un-American, that I am filled with hate speech, that I have a cult at Trinity United Church of Christ. And by the way, guess who goes to his church, hint, hint, hint?" [NYT]
  
• OMG who's winning in Indiana???? Check this space back at 11 p.m. for the results of the very latest poll. [Indianapolis Star]
  
• Speaking of Indiana, its local media went all the way to the Evansville Abercrombie to solve the mystery of the Aberdudes. Reportedly, they're neither gay nor did they plan their outfits that way. Times like this you really wish Toqueville was around but maybe we'll be in shape to fully fathom that tomorrow. [NYT]
  
• John McCain made the outlandishly courageous decision to distance himself from the Bush Administration with regards to its handling of Katrina. [Wash Post]

• Sometimes the urban elite needs the sad reality of the mindset of the provincial American electorate spelled out for them but a lifelong Londoner born in Moscow sorta seems like a weird guy to be doing that. [Times of London]
• Even racists find it hard to hate Obama so Republicans are trying to remind them how much they hate that awful rap music. [Reason]
• Someday, when oil hits $500 a barrel perhaps, they will develop a pharmacological cure for mullah fatigue syndrome. [BBC]
• The kind of legal action that sort of betrays a misunderstanding of the whole "freedom of speech" thing. [Reuters]
• Remember how all your friends who were responsible enough to buy houses over the past few years had all these horror stories about getting outbid and showing up at open houses at 8 a.m. to a line of 86 people? Yeah, well, things change. [WSJ] Sorry to be a bonerkiller, dudes, but it turns out you'll have to scratch "cancer avoidance" off your list of reasons to jerk off. [US News]