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Are All Female Friends Really Frenemies?
New York, 5:56 AM
Sat Dec 19
73 posts in the last 24 hours
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Are All Female Friends Really Frenemies? |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
06/25/09
I'm really getting tired of male friendships being held up as the ideal. Yes, I think they have less drama than female friendships, but there is loads of research out there that shows that men do not confide in other men, they confide in other women. If you rarely admit insecurity or weaknesses to your friends, there is going to be less drama because there is less ammo. But you also don't get the emotional benefits of having friends you can confide in. Men mostly confide in their significant others, not their friends, which comes with pluses and negatives. (I was literally just reading research on this, so the post is really apropos).
06/25/09
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06/25/09
You know, I feel like that sometimes. It was part of my motivation to study hard, because I always felt lacking in financial resources when I was a kid. Not that I was poor, but when compared to classmates and some relatives, I FELT poor...relatives who constantly like to remind you of it don't help much, either. I'd be lying if I said I don't have a bit of a complex in that area, so I did my best to be better than others in the one area I was good at: academics.
However, I'm painfully conscious of this, thanks to a lot of introspection. I try very hard to fight those feelings, because I know they're negative and I know they're not helpful. It's gotten better, I have to say. I remind myself that I don't have to constantly compare myself to others, and that we all have a different life, different circumstances, and we all just do the best with whatever cards we're dealt. It doesn't make any of us better or worse than others.
Wow, I'd never mention this to anyone else (THANK YOU, INTERNET ANONYMITY).
06/25/09
06/25/09
Damn, that make me jealous. (D'oh!)
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06/25/09
I've also been the girl who says I never get along with other women. In the past its been true. Luckily as I've grown up I realized it was more about the type of friends I was choosing in the same sex more than all women in general.
06/25/09
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Hell, I guess I should stop writing stories where women are supportive. Maybe that is why I cannot get published??
06/25/09
06/25/09
I also have a friendship-sisterhood just like it. Man, I love those girls.
06/25/09
It is natural to feel a twinge of jealousy from time to time with friends. We are happy for their successes, but those successes often cause periods of self reflection, and sometimes we don't like what we see. So we feel a little jealous, or depressed. This does not make us "frenemies". It is when we become passive aggressive (like the characters in said novel) that we have problems, and it is incredibly insulting that any person would insinuate that the complex nature of female relationships lies in our inability to be always happy and always smiling for the good of our friends.
Where's the book that explores THAT?
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06/25/09
But when you get in the habit of compromising too much, then what sisterhood is that?
Another thought: books like this socialize young women to act this way. Look, it's totally normal to be incredibly mean to your "friends" and to undermine those people you pretend to care about! Culture is enormously influential on the behavior of the people living in that culture. Why is this acceptable? "Oh, it's so true, it really speaks to my experience of reality." Why is that? And isn't that fucked up?
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*i am not being "misandrist" or any such thing. that the patriarchy exists and it is unkind to women is a fundamental aspect of my life, and so it falls under the umbrella of "in my experience."
06/25/09