This Week in Tabloids: Is Lionel Richie Khloe Kardashian's Real Father?

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which you and I take our mortal clay to the Lord's pottery wheel and gently shape a glittery turd to pass back and forth between our butts forever. This week, Ariana Grande refuses to shower after the gym; Lionel Richie created Khloe Kardashian out of his very own sperm-buddies;… » 10/15/14 4:10pm 10/15/14 4:10pm

​Custody Battle Over Ikea Monkey Ends in Heartbreak

The saga of the Ikea monkey—the infant Japanese macaque who got loose in an Ikea and inspired an entire generation of memes—has finally come to a close. After months of battling the Story Book Farm Primate Sanctuary for ownership of Darwin the monkey, Yasmin Nakhuda has finally given up the gun in face of mounting… » 3/02/14 3:30pm 3/02/14 3:30pm

Ikea Monkey Gives Up Malm Bed and Learns to Be a Monkey Again

Darwin, the Japanese macaque who captured hearts and mind across the globe after getting lost in an Ikea parking lot, is reportedly "growing into a healthy, confident adolescent" at the Story Book Farm Primate Sanctuary — the place he was moved to after being confiscated from his owners by Canadian officials. » 12/09/13 8:30pm 12/09/13 8:30pm

Ikea Monkey's Name Is Darwin, He's Now Living Happily at a Sanctuary

This past Sunday, a seven-month-old rhesus macaque, wearing a solitary Ugg boot as a jacket, was found wandering an Ikea parking lot in Toronto. It caused quite a stir as you don't see a primate in a baby-sized shearling coat roaming through Grönkulla towel sets and Knutstorp wicker baskets everyday. » 12/11/12 9:30am 12/11/12 9:30am

Coat-Wearing Monkey Gets Loose in an Ikea Parking Lot, Just Wants Some Damn Meatballs

Ikea shoppers in Toronto got a bit of a surprise this Sunday when their walk through the Swedish furniture chain's parking chain was interrupted by a small monkey that had gotten loose in the the ramp. And it wasn't just some plain old regular monkey, either — this little primate was decked out in a diaper and a wool… » 12/10/12 10:50am 12/10/12 10:50am