This Week in Tabloids: Is Lionel Richie Khloe Kardashian's Real Father?

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which you and I take our mortal clay to the Lord's pottery wheel and gently shape a glittery turd to pass back and forth between our butts forever. This week, Ariana Grande refuses to shower after the gym; Lionel Richie created Khloe Kardashian out of his very own sperm-buddies;… »10/15/14 4:10pm10/15/14 4:10pm

Ikea Monkey Gives Up Malm Bed and Learns to Be a Monkey Again

Darwin, the Japanese macaque who captured hearts and mind across the globe after getting lost in an Ikea parking lot, is reportedly "growing into a healthy, confident adolescent" at the Story Book Farm Primate Sanctuary — the place he was moved to after being confiscated from his owners by Canadian officials. »12/09/13 8:30pm12/09/13 8:30pm

Coat-Wearing Monkey Gets Loose in an Ikea Parking Lot, Just Wants Some Damn Meatballs

Ikea shoppers in Toronto got a bit of a surprise this Sunday when their walk through the Swedish furniture chain's parking chain was interrupted by a small monkey that had gotten loose in the the ramp. And it wasn't just some plain old regular monkey, either — this little primate was decked out in a diaper and a wool… »12/10/12 10:50am12/10/12 10:50am