For starters, it's pretty easy to put together a Stevie Nicks costume in five minutes at any Salvation Army. It's sort of like the adage about what you're supposed to wear for your wedding, except instead of "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue," it's more like "Something old, something black, something fringey, and some kind of a shawl or cape or corset or top hat or sparkly beret." The theme of NOTS 18 was "Nightbirds," and in the song "Nightbirds" Stevie actually gives specific instructions for how to replicate her signature look:

"And then the summer became the fall/ I was not ready for the winter/it makes no difference at all/Cause I wear boots all summer long ... Eye makeup dark and it's careless ..."

Keeping this in mind, I applied Bennett's makeup very carelessly.

After a beer, we headed out to the Hammerstein Ballroom.

My costume was a little bit less dramatic than Bennett's, partly because I had decided to wear my real hair instead of a wig and partly because I was born female.

Once inside, we encountered a few setbacks. The entertainment was not, at first, as awesome as we had hoped. One too many drag queens had elected to lip synch "Stand Back," which has never been a favorite song of mine. (Note from Bennett: "I LOVE STAND BACK!!!") It's from Stevie's second, more disco-y solo album, and I'm more of a fan of her work with Fleetwood Mac and her first solo album, Bella Donna, which was made when she was dating that guy from the Eagles. The great thing about being a fan of Stevie Nicks, though, is that Stevieism is a big tent. Here is my theory about the demographics represented at NOTS:

1) Theater nerd girls who just enjoy wearing capes and corsets and crushed velvet. See also: Renaissance Faire Laydies. Their favorite song is Rhiannon, of course, because it's about a witch from Welsh mythology.

2)The male equivalent of these girls. These dudes would have grown up playing Dungeons and Dragons and reading Lord of the Rings if they were straight, but instead they had to like Stevie Nicks.

3)Gays who are into the coke-addled era of Stevie. Their favorite song is "Stand Back."

4) Heterosexual couples who are into the romance of Fleetwood Mac — the idea of being in a band with someone you're in love with, and then breaking up with them in a messy, druggy, cheating-related way, but always sort of carrying a torch — and singing about it! That is hot. We saw a lot of these couples, including a few who were dressed as Stevie and Lindsay Buckingham. If I ever find a guy who is willing to accompany me to this kind of event dressed as Lindsay Buckingham, or Mick Fleetwood, or even Don Henley, I will have found my soulmate, I think. Extra bonus points if he also wants to learn the harmony to "Leather and Lace."

This couple wasn't dressed up, but they were getting really amorous in a cute way.

Outside, we caught performance artist Julie Atlas-Muz and took a picture of her as though we were the paparazzi, and she gamely played along:

The second setback we encountered was that someone stole Bennett's wig! They just came up behind him and yanked it off his head and disappeared back into the crowd!
In a moment of true STEVIE REALNESS, Bennett chased after the thief, felled him with a fierce karate kick, and bit him in the face, leaving a puddle of blood and sparkles in the dance floor. Just kidding! Actually, a frightened and humiliated Bennett just made a pathetic face and turned his cape into a headdress, making him look more like Little Edie than Stevie, but whatever. Later someone complimented the headdress as being "very Timespace" and he was happy again.

Night Of A Thousand Stevies [Mother NYC]

Related: Young Rapper With A Plan: Lil Mama Tries To Move Up From Makeup [NY Times]

Ha ha! Not Lance! It's about Karl Rove. Remember their creepy confrontation at last year's White House Correspondents Dinner? I'd totally forgotten about it. But Sheryl sure hasn't! Her latest album, Detours, also includes a song for the Chief Turd's old boss inspired by the Valerie Plame thing! She calls the album "urgent, in-your-face, barf-it-out-onto-a-page." It's her first collaboration with producer Bill Bottrell since Tuesday Night Music Club, which featured the last Sheryl Crow song I didn't feel slightly guilty for liking. (The last Sheryl Crow song I do feel guilty for liking: My Favorite Mistake.)

In the Times of London today, writer Caitlin Moran claims that while men love discussion music trivia in a "some secret nerd-battle", women, on the other hand, "prove that they love a song by either screaming: 'I love this song!' and getting up and dancing to it, or wailing: 'I love this song!' and bursting into tears."

Continues Ms. Moran:

Women make jokes about the band's hair, drink a shot of tequila for each time Rihanna sings the word "umbrella," and work out in which order they would have sex with the band lineup... That is, quite obviously, the more pure response to music. After all, no bands form with the dream of being speccily rowed over by trainspotting blokes in the no-fun corner of the pub. They form to make ladies drink, dance on tables, and want to have sex with them. On this basis, we can see that women understand rock music in a way men never will.

Are Women And Men On Different Tracks When It Comes To Their Favourite Music? [Times]
Related: BBC Chief: Male Musical Tastes More 'Intellectual' [Guardian]
6Music Boss Thinks You're An Idiot [The Lipster

I'm asking for a comment dump! A misery playlist with your patheticmost songs, lyrics, and how they make you feel. I.e. the part of Mariah Carey's Shake It Off, where she goes "Hold up, my phone's breakin up, lemme hang up and call the machine right back" was consistently for a good three months the sole source of mirth in my life; a moment of dumbass levity in the midst of a sea of songs about dead boyfriends and the tears of a clown.

The slant of this writer's letters range from somewhat left to somewhat right, plus straight up and down. These slants indicate emotional moods that can range from solitary and self-involved, to un-impulsive and logical, to somewhat outgoing. One may never know from moment to moment which of those moods will dominate.

There are hooks at the beginning and ends of many letters including the lower case Ys and Fs. This is a writer who grasps to own things and once they're gotten they won't be let go without a terrible struggle.

The writer is a methodical, detail-oriented thinker who takes time with getting things right. Goals are set where they are easy for the writer to reach without much stretching.

There is tendency of this writer to make "gut" decisions, which is another way of saying intuition. Intuition speeds up the thinking of a methodical thinker so that the methodical thinker can compete with much faster thinkers. This writer uses intuition on occasion, but may not trust it entirely. In the same vein, this writer is sometimes open to new ideas, and sometimes preconceptions and fears clog the arteries of communication (narrowed loops in some Es).

When I worked at BUST, we got this album sent to us, and we would all sit around singing "The Abortion Song" in really exaggerated operatic voices, "Freeeeeee our sisters! Aboorrrrrrtion is our riiiiiiiiiight!" laughing our faces off. It's a good way to celebrate the 35th anniversary of Roe v. Wade.

And just to experience just how wacky some of those second wavers were, you should check out their jam "So Fine."

Here are some lyrics of what they thought sucked about being women:

"We used to think we were only good for pleasing men, having babies, doing housework, having shit jobs, doing volunteer work, and, you know...sex [cue sad sound affect]"

And here are their lyrics for what they think rules about being liberated women:

"We didn't know that women could get together and play rock music, fix cars, give abortions, love our sisters, stay single, choose our own lifestyle, and, you know, SAY NO!"

I dunno, I feel like I'd rather have sex and do volunteer work any day over fixing a car and giving my friend an abortion. But hey, that's just me. Feminism isn't monolithic.

[Caribbean (specific location not given); January 17. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Fox had the Pennsylvania-native hop on Amtrak yesterday, and filmed her interacting with pedestrians in the freezing cold on the sidewalk in Times Square. Never before has the channel's journalistic brand of "dance, monkey, dance" been so overt — or shamefully entertaining. But perhaps we shouldn't feel too guilty about laughing at (with?) Alexis. According to her MySpace profile, she is a member of two different improv troupes. (The Tool and Ministry fan is also a Wiccan and hails from "the planet UR Rectum.") Clip above.

[London, January 13. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Related: Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story [Wikipedia]

They called it "d.e.m.o." — a name "meant to evoke 'demolition,' 'demonstration' and 'demo tapes,'" company president Tim Harmon told the Orange County Register in 1998 — and stocked it with velour tracksuits and outsized medallions and Rocawear tracksuits, Apple bottom jeans and really tasteful miscellaneous rhinestone jewelry.

But something was changing, slowly but also sort of fastly, about suburban youth culture.

Skater boys began collecting sneakers. Hip-hop boys learned to skateboard. Skater girls discovered rhinestone-studded acrylic nails. Hip-hop girls discovered the Beatles. Large corporations lost their hold on the music the kids heard, the music that had previously divided them. Japanese guys started turning up out of nowhere, setting crazy new colorful — color-blind — trends.

Paul Wall also happened. I just wanted to point that out.

And the big corporate peddlers of pop culture were challenged. Challenged to think of America's teenagers not as rapper thugs or skater punks or emo/goths — goth mecca Hot Topic is suffering a similar fate as d.e.m.o. — but as individual, openminded, humanesque customers who exercise Equal Opportunity on all their possible consumer choices.

Including their next president!

Pacific Sunwear To Close Remaining d.e.m.o. Stores [Reuters]

Céline Dion Is Amazing [FourFour]

Bryony, a graphic designer who has the screen name Paperlilies, films herself in her bedroom at her parents' home. She tells the Daily Mail: "I'm freelance at the moment so I have quite a lot of time on my hands. It's great that so many people enjoy them but it's all just a bit of a laugh to me." As for her Britney impression, she wrote us: "I am from London so that is why the accent is way off." She also notes that while these two clips are celeb-oriented, "Most of my videos are just me talking about crap all day." Check out her Britney and Amy impersonations, below.

Two Million YouTube Hits For Girl Who Pokes Fun At Amy Winehouse And Britney Spears [Daily Mail]
Winehouse Album Is UK Top-Seller [BBC]
Paperlilies [YouTube]

Harpo, Who Is This Woman? [Crunk & Disorderly]

Moran notes that when they were 22, the Beatles were not photographed around the clock or followed by "a pack of screaming Eurotrash paparazzi on mopeds." And if they had been, would they have been able to, you know, make music? "In fact," she writes, "John Lennon was ONCE referred to as "the fat Beatle", and was so distraught about it that he semi-retired, retreated to Weybridge, and spent all his time taking acid and eating only corn-flakes. Just ONCE. And he was John LENNON."Moran believes that Amy and Lily just need a break. Amy's "life of high-profile addiction" is a way of retreating from the chaos; though she may end up in jail or rehab, she maybe secretly wants to. As for Lily,

By deciding to have a baby, Allen is — like Britney Spears before her — ducking out of facing international management teams, record companies, promoters and tour agents, and saying "I, Lily Allen, need to have a six-month holiday". Instead, she's having a baby — because no one can argue with a baby.

The Pressure Cooker Lives Of Amy Winehouse And Lily Allen [Times]

However, one glance at Amy hysterically crying while half naked, wandering the streets of London in the wee hours, and I think it's clear that her image is no construct. Her pain, while of course, projected to the masses, is entirely real, and probably drug-induced.

Every day, in any major city, you can find a haphazardly clothed junkie wandering around drug-addled in public. If someone photographed it, would that mar its authenticity? The only difference between the faceless junkies and Winehouse is that her demise is being chronicled. Hannaham also claims that Winehouse's Jewishness is a "liability" and that she's deliberately hiding it to further her R&B diva image. But as far as I can tell, Winehouse's Judaism is purely secular. If she's not proclaiming her religion to the heavens, is that the same as muffling it? The fact of her heritage is as plain as the nose on her face. How is it at all relevant to her art if she's not religious?

The Philadelphia Inquirer has also weighed in on Winehouse, and, although it doesn't doubt Amy's authenticity, it does decry her tabloid treatment. Writer Karen Heller calls Amy "Britain's Britney," (you know, except talented), and blames the London tabs along with Amy's attention-whoring mother and Karl Lagerfeld for enabling Amy's drug-addled antics. Heller has a point: until Winehouse sees any sort of tangible consequences to her actions, she's not going to stop her cycle of destruction. Like any addict, she needs to hit rock bottom, and rock bottom doesn't include being Lagerfeld's muse or getting six Grammy nods.

"There is no need for fiction" in Winehouse's case, Heller says, and that's why Hannaham's allegations of inauthenticity — "To turn your failures into pop songs is to make commodities of them — which trivializes them a bit, no matter how sincerely you intended your audience to take them when you started out" — ring so hollow. He wants to make the thesis that all pop music trivializes emotions, and really, that's just something he cribbed from Walter Benjamin. If pop music's accessibility by the masses makes it inauthentic, then all forms of mass produced art are inauthentic projections of emotion. One look at Amy Winehouse's desiccated body and bloody, wretched visage makes it clear, at least to me, that her pain is all too real.

Flirting With Disaster [Salon]
The Ruin Of A Ralent, Shrilly Told By Tabloids [Philadelphia Inquirer]

Earlier: Amy Winehouse Vs. Sarah Silverman

The slant of this writer's handwriting is basically straight up and down, an indication that she thinks first and acts later, at least most of the time. Yet there are times when the slant is somewhat to the left (introverted and little sharing of deepest feelings) and to the right (responsive emotionally). There is an immaturity about the inconsistency of the writing that is probably because she is so young (just 20).

Her printing indicates she wants to be understood clearly by others, and the printing (rather than cursive) is her way of doing that. But at times her writing intertwines with letters above and below, which indicates a tendency to occasional confusion.

She is very intuitive (she jumps over several steps of logical reasoning to come to trustworthy conclusions) which speeds up her naturally methodical method of thinking. She is not a deep prober; she takes matters as they are and deals with them, much of the time with "gut" instincts.

The straight down-strokes of the "y" formation indicate that she is essentially a "loner" who, while she can be with others, actually prefers to be alone.

Her goals are very practical, and she sets them where she knows she can reach them. She has no particular interest in stretching for pie in the sky, nor does she take the easiest way out.

The close, round dots over her letters "i" indicate both loyalty (not that often seen) and strict attention to details. She holds on tightly to what she believes in (see final hooks on the "f's" of her last name) but not to the point of stubbornness; she is open-mined and will allow new ideas into her mind without hindrance by preconceptions.

She is very direct and does not like to waste time (no wind-up strokes on any letters).

Now and then you see a partly formed lower loop on her "g" formations, a sign that she has the ability to generate creative ideas, but seldom follows entirely through with them.

She has the ability to speak expressively, but more significantly she knows how to listen, which is probably a key to her early success.

Earlier: Cosmo Girl Beyonce Knowles: Detail-Oriented, Thoughtful, Possibly Power-Hungry
Cosmo Cover Girl Ali Larter: Self-Involved, Stubborn, Easily Distracted
Cosmo Cover Girl Jessica Alba: Emotionally Unavailable, Intuitive, Creatively-Unfulfilled

According to the tabs I'm dating Pete Doherty and we went to a Wetherspoons. Yeah, I get the joke. Fuck off. I hardly know Pete Doherty. I've talked to him once on the phone about rehab, because I'm a good rehab guide.

On protecting daughter Frances from the press:

It happens to me when I get papped in the UK, in the car. It's like Diana! Diana! Diana! You can't see anything because of the flashbulbs.

The other night... I got talking to Vivienne Westwood, Dame Vivienne, and I said, "Great to meet you. I'm a huge fan," and she said, "We've met before. And we talked on the phone for three hours one time." I had zero recollection of it. I said, "Was I horrible? Was I boring?" She said, "No, I would have hung up on you if you had been. You were terribly amusing."

There is a disconnect between who I am, and how I live, and how I am perceived. I used to play up to it a bit when I was on drugs because who cares: sex, drugs, rock'n'roll, waaaah! I always seem to come number two to Keith Richards in lists of greatest hell-raisers of all time. But if I was a guy, I wouldn't even be on the list! I didn't know it was such a guy's job. It's like playing football in high heels and lipstick; no wonder it smears.

I am a good mother, and the proof is in the pudding. I would never, ever put Franny on television. I would never let her do press. She has been offered the lead in four films, and was offered a campaign for [the fashion label] Tommy Hilfiger, and I tell her about these offers, but she wants to be a political journalist anyway, so... I don't think any kid has been more wanted by both her parents and I don't think any parents have ever wanted to fuck up less than we did.

Courtney Love, Actually [Telegraph]

With tenuous logic, Weldon explains her Spice-Girls-are-the-root-of-all-evil theory. She points to the Spice Girls lyrics as encouraging young'uns to get high and fornicate. "What chance did formal sex education have when faced with the catchy lyrics - written by men, of course - that told young girls to indulge in such things as 'weekend love' and encouraged 'playing games'? What it did of course was to separate love from sex. The Spice Girls killed romance," Weldon concludes. Wow. She is really giving Zig-a-zig-ah way too much credit.

But it gets even weirder! Weldon says that the Spice Girls are also destroying modern feminism. She explains that the Spices' fem-botty bodies are maintained so Posh and the lot can remain attractive to men, then, in the same breath, Weldon criticizes them for being working mothers. "According to the rumour mill, chickenpox has struck on the tour. It must be dreadful in that 747. Well, what did the feminists think would happen? That these girls wouldn't have messy relationships and have to drag their kids round the world so they could go to work? At the end of the day, a working mother's a working mother. In the cotton mills 150 years ago, toddlers crawled about the dusty factory floors. Now it's on the aircraft floor, up and down the aisle. What's the difference?"

What's the difference??? Well first of all, the mothers working the cotton mills didn't have a choice. Secondly, the fact that the Spices are working mothers doesn't mean that they're inattentive or bad mothers. What's wrong with involving your kids in your work life? At least they're spending time with their children! We're tempted to say that this article was meant to be a satire, but reading reviews of Weldon's books makes us wonder if she's dead serious. Says the Guardian on Weldon's What Makes Women Happy: "The contents page lists the causes of women's happiness. They are the usual suspects - sex, chocolate, shopping, and the three Fs - friends, food, family." Well then! Weldon is clearly an expert on women and we should defer to her Spice Girl revelations.

How the Spice Girls Have Killed Feminism, Subverted Morality And Embarrassed Us All [Daily Mail]
Lie Back And Think Of Jesus: After Seven Decades As An Atheist, Fay Weldon Has Found God. But Has She Stopped Believing In Women? [The Guardian]

Earlier: British Women Prefer Buying to Boning
British Women Have Enormous Breasts

[Wembley Arena, UK, December 2. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Earlier: John Mayer's Sex Faces: Hot... And Not!

Yo Gabba Gabba
Earlier: Stevie Wonder Funks Up Sesame Street, Kids Freak

Part of the "Cosmo Quiz"

The handwriting is extraordinarily clear, rhythmic, meticulous, logical, and open. She may be somewhat secretive about private matters (as signaled by loops on the right side of "o" formations).

The big, plump loops on the "y" formations indicate an imagination that is very creative and because most of the loops finish above the (imaginary) baseline, there is evidence that she has the power to bring her dreams to fruition.

She is not a fast thinker (the rounded "m" and "n" formations indicate a mostly methodical mind), but she makes up for the relative slowness of process with a good and trusted intuition (signaled by the breaks between letters) that accelerates her ability to draw decisions from strings of facts.

The writer pays close attention to details and is well organized, even though she might complain that she is not. The rounded "i" dots indicate that she stands by what she believes in and isn't easily swayed.

Although she says she over-analyzes, there is scant evidence in her handwriting that she probes and weighs and digs too much.

Her "f" formations have what we call tie strokes (they look like a tied shoelace) that signal a person who will keep at it, and at it, and at it until she gets it.

Her overall slant is straight up and down, the sign of a person who seldom is swept away by impulse and thinks before she acts.

The tops of certain "p" formations are higher than the round part of the "p" (as in shopping). This can signal a person who might, on occasion, be called argumentative, perhaps in a defensive way. If she argues it may sometimes be with facts, at other times with her imagination.

She underscores her first name, which is her famous one, and this is also a sign of self reliance. She can and will do things on her own.

The writer expresses herself fluidly on many levels regardless of the education, class or culture of others. The open "e" loops indicate a mind that is not limited or closed by preconceptions. She allows new ideas in. She also has the capacity to listen as well as to talk, a rare commodity.

There are hooks at the start of certain words (like card) that indicates a person who wants to have more than she does now, perhaps material things, perhaps power or knowledge.

In some words (like card) there are capital letters in the midst of a word; these are signs of a person who wishes to stand out and to be different.

All in all, the clarity and elegance are outstanding.

Stevie Wonder — Superstition Live On Sesame Street [YouTube]
Earlier: Remember Sesame Street Before Elmo Ruined It?

[Paris, November 13. Image via Splash]

We headed over to our favorite hypochondria-inducing application, WebMD's symptom checker, and focused on the head. After choosing "mouth sores" as the symptom, we were asked: "Mouth sores along with: long term smoking long term alcohol use, or none of the above." Well Ms. Winehouse does smoke and drink — so if by long-term you mean "constant," then, yes and yes!

After those were checked off, WebMd asked if the mouth sores were brought on or made worse by "swallowing irritating chemicals or poison" or by "ingesting hot food or drink." We couldn't be sure! We skipped that part. We ended up with eight conditions: Mouth (oral) cancer, Coxsackie virus infection, canker sores, esophagitis, pemphigus, thermal burn of mouth or tongue, ulcerative colitis, Crohn's disease.

Coxsackie virus causes sores in the throat. That's not it! So. Is it a canker sore? "Canker sores have a red border and white or yellow center. They may be painful and can make it hard to talk and eat... Unlike cold sores, you cannot spread canker sores to other people." (Oh wow, who knew they could be caused by stress, getting your period, food allergies and hurting your mouth?) But Amy's little blister just doesn't look like a canker sore, so we crossed that off the list. A thermal burn is possible, but not probable. We also ruled out esophagitis (inflammation of the esophagus), pemphigus (a rare autoimmune skin disodrer that causes blisters), colitis (although we did learn what a toxic megacolon is) and Crohn's. Which leaves us... (oh no!) with oral cancer. WebMD instructs us to contact a doctor! A real doctor, that is. The odd thing is that herpes was never an option. We had to search for it. But if we had to go by the horrifying illustration, we'd say uh, no. Cancer it is! Although we're not professionals. So maybe it is a cold sore. P.S. If you need to quit smoking, just Google images of "oral cancer."

WebMD Symptom Checker

Earlier: Paging Dr. Jezebel: Does Amy Winehouse Have A Rare Blood Disease?
Paging Dr. Jezebel: Amy Winehouse Needs Another Appointment
Oh No: Does Amy Winehouse Have Syphilis?

Kanye Performs 'Hey Mama' For His Mother [MTV]