1.) What's baby oil made from?

2.) What's propitious?

3.) Brain Babies
They're scary!

4.) People in the New York metro area love misery, as indicated by the most popular stories on the local news.

5.) Brooke Hogan thinks she looks hot as a lesbian. Others disagree.

6.) Bravo aired deleted scenes from the infamous "prostitution whore" finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey. We learned a lot of new things, like GL Juicy J (gays love Juicy Joe).



And we learned that linoleum floors are not desirable in the Garden State.

7.) We also got some insight into what Danielle's sex tape might involve.

8.) 16 and Pregnant is a breeding ground for future Judge Judy litigants: Parents who raise idiots who become parents who raise idiots. It may sound harsh, but that's only if you haven't seen the show.

I do have to agree with the girl on point:

9.) "This man is an idiot."

10.) Janice Dickinson was voted off I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!
I'm gonna miss her crazy like crazy.

So, take this for what it's worth but, a survey conducted by theragtrader.com, based on 3,000 workers, finds that, according to the New York Post, "one in four women think the secret of success is how they dress and are willing to show a little more skin to get ahead," while one in 20 women admitted to dressing in a deliberately provocative way on a regular basis.

This is depressing and lame enough to hardly require further analysis, but it also strains credulity. In my own experience, at one of my jobs someone had to take one woman aside to ask her to dress less provocatively, which was humiliating for everyone and seriously uncomfortable. Or, take Katie on Stylista: her cleavage hardly served to advance her career. Sure, these were women-heavy industries, but in what world does showing skin equal "getting ahead?" I'm not questioning that it gets some male attention, maybe some admiration, but executive material? These seem like some seriously misguided dames.

The rest of the findings were less than revelatory: 78 per cent of women believe the way they dress affects their day at work, feel and perform better when they look "smart," and, presumably, feel at a disadvantage when they're ill-kempt and shleppy. "Even when working from home, it's incredible how clothing can influence your productivity." (Anyone who's had to strategically position cardigans to conceal stains can vouch for this.) In terms of industries, marketing and advertising were found to be the most sartorially competitive, followed, allegedly, by "media workers," presumably of the Devil Wears Prada varietal.

Oh, then there were the humiliations, like the more than a quarter of women who, says the Telegraph, "had to face the embarrassment of someone else in the office wearing the same outfit as them," plus the 63% of workers who deal with "wardrobe malfunctions" like runs in tights and open flies - horrors that make massive worlwide unemployment a palliative indeed! "Fourteen per cent have even split their trousers while in the office."

Women Prepared To Dress Provocatively To Climb Career Ladder [Telegraph]
Third Of Women Happy To Wear Skimpy Clothing At Work To Win Bonuses And Promotion [Daily Mail]
Poll: Skimpy Dress Gets You Ahead At Work [New York Post]

Earlier: Judge Judy Teaches Wife Beater To Have Respect For Women

MEGAN: I have decided that drunkorexia is best practiced by professionals.
MOE: You gotta just remember it is beer that is your friend. Although apparently rising in cost these days. Are they showing this cop kicking dog video on your news channels? Because I bet they're not showing the Paula Abdul memory lapse clip...
MEGAN: They just spent 10 minutes discussing Carly Simon and Joni Mitchell and whatever on MSNBC. Apparently, there's nothing important in the world today.
MEGAN: I'll try out the beer thing next time. I went with my normal red wine this time.
MOE: Oh man that book. Carole King is the missing piece, although she doesn't seem to have much to do with the other two. Hey before I tire of the subject — oh wait, that happened two months ago — Obama joined Trinity for the gays.
MEGAN: Well, I mean, who doesn't like the gays? Um, well, I mean, except North Carolina Governor Mike Easley.
MOE: Oh good lord. I saw that quote. Tell me, when you saw that quote, did you think, "I am offended on behalf of homokind" or did you think, "New levels of rhetorical idiocy"? Because I think you know where I came down but I'm a certified insensitive person.
MEGAN: Well, I mean, personally I saw him, like, air punching out of the corner of my eye with the mute on and decided he was quite possibly insane. But, also, I guess I never thought about "pansy" as a gay slur but Aravosis is right, it is.
MOE: Yeah I thought it could also convey the proverbial 98 pound weakling? Butt sex totally optional?
MEGAN: I think it's both?
MEGAN: Butt sex: always totally optional, by the way, in my opinion.
MOE: Either way, gays, hear that? Obama became inextricably wound up with that crazy egotistical preacher who may sabotage his presidential ambitions for you people! Are you going to keep clinging to Hillary like PANSIES?

MEGAN: I keep having this conversation, I know, but I really, really don't understand the LGBT community's unabashed Hillary love. I really, really don't.

MEGAN: Anyways, so, by the way, the stupid do-not-fly list also grounds air marshalls. Can we now admit that this is a stupid clusterfuck of an idea and quit doing it now?
MOE: OH my God that is the most hilarious story ever. Who knew there were air marshals with the same names as terror suspects? What I love, too, is that the names are probably like "John Walker" and "Richard Reid" ...one thing I noticed when I used to be on the mailing list for those terror suspect lists was that they still had names of dudes who had, like, died before USS Cole.

MEGAN: Our government, protecting the skies from air marshalls! And Ted Kennedy, Congressman Darrell Issa, Congressman John Lewis, Congressman Don Young and Congresswoman Zoe Lofgren's husband.
MOE: And speaking of Not Flying for reasons other than general airline logistical ineptitude, Osama Bin Laden's super sweet son married to that sassy cougar is not allowed to come to the UK.
MEGAN: Aw! And we're still trying to put OBL's driver on trial, unsuccessfully.
MOE: Wow, and she totally wears the pants too.

"We have a nice house in Cairo, but we have no real place to call home. I need my family and I need medical attention in the UK. Our only chance to be together was to live in Britain. We have vowed never to be parted. Omar will never take another wife as long as I am alive."

MEGAN: Whoa, MSNBC is reporting breaking news that Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm is undergoing emergency surgery.
MOE: I don't know much about Jennifer Granholm. I know GM reported some disappointing earnings or something, but how disappointing could they be in the context of all that previous disappointment?

MEGAN: Well, and disappointing enough to cause the governor to need surgery?
MEGAN: Granholm, btw, can never be President because she's Canadian-born, and she's a Hillary supporter. Obama doesn't get all the female governors.
MEGAN: It's for a bowel obstruction.
MOE: We should do a video on that. A companion piece to Tracie's colonic video. That story about Osama Bin Laden's driver Salim Hamdan...is it about the fact that he chose to show up to court in prison clothes? Or how his exchanges with the judge at the military tribunal were somehow friendly and human and good-naturedly resigned after seven years of pointless interminable detention? I couldn't quite tell but it's interesting.
MOE:

Looking down across the makeshift courtroom on Tuesday, Judge Allred told Mr. Hamdan he wanted to give him a fair trial. He coaxed his famous defendant, who was once Osama bin Laden's driver, to stick with the process.

"Mr. Hamdan," Judge Allred said, "I think you should have great faith in American law. You have already been to the Supreme Court."

"The Supreme Court of the United States," he continued, "said to the president, 'You can't do that to Mr. Hamdan.' You were the winner. Your name is printed in our law books."

The detainee, a handsome man with curly brown hair and a quick grin, was noncommittal. Mr. Hamdan, in his seventh year of captivity, noted that despite the judge's literal words, he had not been to the Supreme Court himself. The lawyers, he said, had not taken him with them.

MEGAN: Only it's sadly real, and that dude is going to spend the rest of his life in captivity whether he participates or not.
MOE: I had this theory that they're too sleep deprived to figure out how to kill themselves, or even muster the will.
MEGAN: plus, they're totally guarded against doing that.
MOE: Did Bush actually reiterate his support of ethanol subsidies in the face of massive opposition from the reality based community yesterday? Because that is also bad. Will the food crisis actually make this into an issue? It seems like the media is trying.k
MOE: Faustian bargains sigh.

No place demonstrates the competing demands on corn better than Iowa, one of the two biggest corn-exporting states. Iowa is home to 28 ethanol plants, which consume more than a quarter of its corn crop; two dozen others are under construction or in planning stages.

Above is an audition tape of one of the roommates who's been cast on MTV's newest installment of The Real World. (This time, they'll be getting drunk and making out in Hollywood.) Her name is Kimberly and she's kind of an amazing human being in that she has absolutely no idea just how completely reprehensible she is. (Seriously, she has to be seen to be believed.) She brags about her "headlights" (her nipples), repeatedly mentions how much she hates fat and/or ugly people, talks about the time she got so wasted she didn't remember how she lost all of her teeth, and expresses her desire to be famous. Congratulations, Kimberly! Your stupid dream has come true!

MEGAN: So, apparently we missed the memo yesterday? It was officially name calling day! We should spend the rest of Crappy Hour hurling invective at one another and other people in honor of the holiday, IMHO.
I mean, I don't really see any other reason to invoke Ken Starr or call one's opponent a monster.
Also, according to one of the news stations yesterday, Ickes and Penn got into it this week and devolved down to "Fuck you!" and "No, fuck you!"
MOE: I love that Samantha Power — declared the "smartest woman in America" last month by Marie Claire — gave that interview to the New Scotsman. Ummm what?
I also like how she says "We fucked up in Ohio."
MEGAN: And than is all "Oh, by the way, the headline making thing I just said is, like, totes off the record even though I said nothing would be." Like, was she drunk?
MOE: She sounds drunk. But also: "monster"... okay ... I mean, there's like "created a monster" and "monster trucks" and "cookie monster" and they all kind of have different connotations. Ughhhh but what do I know.
I kind of want Samantha Power for prez now.
MEGAN: Um, also this little gem: "You just look at [Clinton] and think, 'Ergh'."
I'm not saying I don't want to go get drunk with her because, frankly, if that's what she says to reporters sober, well, drinks are fucking on me and let's go somewhere that they'll make 'em strong and keep 'em coming.
But congrats to Obama's ENTIRE foreign policy shop for keeping your guy in the news in a bad way! You did in one week waht Clinton couldn't do in 3 months, and that's tar him!
Ok, well, fine Foolsbee [sic] is econ, but you know what I mean.
MOE: Well I guess this takes away from the whole "disciplined campaign" thing...but...Ken Starr? Ken fucking Starr? Not that I want anyone seeing my tax returns. In fact, I am going to change the subject how bout.
And now how about I call everyone's attention to this somewhat puzzling comment of yesterday regarding Hillary's assertion that she had felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. It's about Smurfette.
MEGAN: Things I thought when tracking back to the Holy Spirit article: OMG, Christian Broadcasting Network? Wait, They have a "senior" national news correspondent? Wait, this article isn't negative? Wow, the right really does want her to win the nomination. OMG, head exploding
Also someone has spent waaaay too much time thinking about the Smurfs.

es
MOE: Um, okay, topic switch. Back to Pennsylvania. Hillary has Governor Ed Rendell on her side, former mayor of Philadelphia, crusty lecherous fat gregarious machine politician known for busting unions and trying to get with writer Lisa De Paulo. His son is an Evangelical Christian, which is weird since he's a Jew, but whatev. Anyway, Anna sent me this story about how Pennsylvania could tip for Obama and I just don't see it. it's just...nah. People take orders from their block captains there, you know? Obama is fucked in Pennsylvania. I'm pretty sure. Fuck, I could be wrong. But you know.
MEGAN: Pennsylvania's a pretty machine state. Of course, the unions screwed the pooch in 04 where they split their own fucking ticket and backed both Arlen Specter and John Kerry, but whatevs.
MOE: Oh look fun, the Economist has turned it into a contest of wine drinkers vs. beer drinkers. I should take this opportunity to point out that Pennsylvania is a very good place to buy wine, as long as you do so before 9 pm., because the state is the largest purchaser of wine in the country, making it like the Wal Mart of decent wines. Props to the antiquated liquor laws; I never appreciated you till I saw Louisiana.
Arlen Specter is the machine. Ed Rendell is the machine. Comcast, the airport, a few law firms, the insurance company...they're all in this together, and none of them are particularly ideological, but if there's one thing they're not big on it's, you know, CHANGE.
MEGAN: Side note: fuck you, Comcast!
Ugh, Pennsylvania politics sound fun, and vaguely mobbed up.
MOE: You know what's also big in Pennsylvania, no surprise? ANARCHISTS. People say "change" and you think "oh those nasty dirty rotten crust punks squatting in the crack den? We thought that place was bad when it was a crack den..." And speaking of anarchists, they took credit for yesterday's terror attack on Times Square by sending postcards to Congress saying "We did it!" whereas Hamas, in stating it didn't bomb that Israeli school, just sent a text message. "We bless this operation. It will not be the last." Just notes on evildoer etiquette.
MEGAN: Except now they're saying that that LA-based anarchist/weird dude is not involved, he's just crazy and a bad writer.
MOE: Ah, so the lesson is, if you want people to take you seriously, just send a text message.
MEGAN: Unless you're dumping the person.
MOE: By the way, the Hamas text message...was that like, a group text message i.e. "karaoke sing sing 11 p.m. come out BYO!!!!" or an individual text message sent to the New York Times??
MEGAN: Dude, why does Hamas have the cell numbers of people for the NYT? Also, I'm guessing it's a blast text.
It's like, is there some terrorist Pr guy who walks around Gaza with a cell full of journalist numbers so he can text message everyone when they bomb stuff or kill people?
if that's the case, btw, I'm pretty sure there world is fucked.
MOE: P.S. did you hear about
>this story in Vanity Fair blaming Bush Condi et al for a botched coup that led to the Hamas takeover of Gaza?
Think on that for a second. I have to brew coffee before I like die or something.
MEGAN: Wow, for an Administration filled with neocons, they certainly didn't learn any lessons from previous Cold War Administrations about how to run a motherfucking coup in a small country in order to install friendly regimes.
Oh, wait, whoops, sorry, they've actually always sucks at it. My bad.

MOE: Apparently even "avowed neocons" were mad about it which is why Cheney's chief Middle East adviser resigned. But yeah, I mean, reading it you're just sort of struck with, wow, Bush was in a big hurry to do SOMETHING with Israel and Palestine...why exactly? Just bored?

"Everyone was against the elections," Dahlan says. Everyone except Bush. "Bush decided, 'I need an election. I want elections in the Palestinian Authority.' Everyone is following him in the American administration, and everyone is nagging Abbas, telling him, 'The president wants elections.' Fine. For what purpose?

"Everyone blamed everyone else," says an official with the Department of Defense. "We sat there in the Pentagon and said, 'Who the fuck recommended this?' "

MEGAN: I want to say that, in Boeing's case, it was bolts or rivets or something
Yeah, I vaguely recall being in anti-counterfeiting meetings with a really lovely Boeing lobbyist and hearing her talk abut that.
MOE: Oh, look, here's a story on airplane parts. Frank Ahrens, didn't he used to cover...something inconsequential I actually used to read about? Music maybe? Good going on the aerospace beat Frank!
MEGAN: OMG, quality control

During a visit to one parts supplier, the inspector general's office observed an employee who "used a piece of paper, scotch-taped to the work surface, as a measuring device for a length of wire on an oil and fuel pressure transmitter."

Related: A League Of Her Own [Men's Vogue]

I know it's hard to remember that there are women in the world like that who aren't butch dykes or sexless hippies, but there are. And they're tough, because all though they are generally required to be sexually appealing in order to get anywhere at all, they encounter countless butt-pinching, innuendo-spouting permutations of you along the way.

And yet: they've probably never met anyone quite as brazen and batshit and verbally abusive as you on a cranky day. Even on fucking Wall Street, and that's saying something. Which I can only imagine is the reason this busy anchorwoman chose to take time out to write about your off-camera antics on the company blog: because that is how out of line you are.

Anyway, that's all for now.

P.S.: Love the new jersey dresses!

American Apparel's CEO Charney: "That Interview Was Dirty" [CNBC]

Says Levey: "You see someone who's wasted on alcohol or stoned on your couch. Viruses like HPV can seem minor by comparison."

Uh, Levey, a bad case of the muchies and cervical cancer are sorta , you know, an apples-oranges type of issue, see what we mean?

(Check user-generated content created by Laura's afternoon chat for the thoughts of even more idiotic, ignorant citizens.)

In No Hurry To Give It A Shot [Washington Post]

'Unhooked' Author Warns Against 'Hooking Up' [NPR]

Just when you thought that the twin concepts of 'New York' and 'Speed Dating' couldn't get any more evil, along comes Elite Speed Dating.

Reducing marriage to a basic of him=money, her=physical appearance, Elite Speed Dating is something that we feel really does deserve the accolade of 'only in New York folks', simply because of its shameless barefaced candour.

"A man hoping to snag the woman of his dreams will be judged by pretty stiff criteria. Guys who are 25 and under must make at least $200,000 a year, and men between the ages of 26 and 30 have to bring home $300,000 a year. Older than 30? The required income level jumps to $500,000.

Not gainfully employed? No problem. Men who have at least $1 million in invested assets or a $4 million trust fund can apply."

And then, the kicker:

"For women there's only one guideline: beauty. Five photos are all that's needed to enter the competition. Education, profession, personality and income will not be considered.

We're off to vomit. Or poop our pants. Or both.

[Idiots who probably deserve each other will probably end up with each other]