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Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
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TurtleWexlerKickedMe
01:22 PM

In reply to Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
It's so interesting that we're only now seeing Simon's controlling side. Clearly, the fact that the rest of his life and finances are out of control is why he's now choosing to push his wife around. Classic red flag there.
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slowpoke.r
12:42 PM

In reply to Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
I thought it was hysterical and pathetic that Simon's criticism of Vicki is that she supposedly tells Tamra what to do. The problem isn't Vicki; it's that he doesn't want anyone else to tell his wife what to do and who to be.

Way to be self-aware, dude.
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Tippi Hedren
12:32 PM

In reply to Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
This is not even remotely surprising to me. Both sets of aunts and uncles live in gated communities in Southern California. One set is normal, the other is totally fucked up. There must be something in the water, because let me tell you:

My uncles does not allow my aunt to go anywhere by herself, not even to visit her parents after her mother (my grandmother) had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery.

My uncle orders for her at restaurants. She can only have grilled chicken and steamed vegetables because he doesn't want her to get fat. He is extremely fat and orders whatever he wants. Then taunts her with it.

They hang out in Vegas all the time with their son and his girlfriends, LIKE THEY ARE PEERS.

My uncle still tries to control my cousin, who is my age (late 20s) and married. He calls her three times a day, every single day.

We (my parents and I) were once kicked out of their home at 3:00am because he had been stewing all night over a totally harmless joke that my stepdad had made. We lived four hours away.

I don't know what it is about this false sense of security that many people who live in gated communities seem to feel, but there is something terribly wrong with all of this.
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WanderlustingIngenue
02:18 PM

@Tippi Hedren: I realize this may be intruding a bit, but the things you've mentioned about your uncle are things that abusers do. Since you've mentioined nothing physical, I would not leap to domestic violence but rather to mental and psychological abuse.

I know very little about it, but the super controlling factors you've mentioned are enough to see that all is not well in Denmark. The instance of ordering for her is a textbook example of abuse. Do you think your aunt needs help?

Apologies for any sensitive material. I just felt this needed to be pointed out.
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Tippi Hedren
02:33 PM

@WanderlustingIngenue: No, I'm totally aware of this and thank you for your concern. She doesn't want to leave him though.
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Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd)
12:31 PM

In reply to Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
Alexis' husband makes my skin crawl. Did anyone see the episode where she said it's her job to look good to keep him from cheating? Their whole dynamic gives me the heebie-jeebies.
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Tchotchke
12:18 PM

In reply to Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
Lynne was out of her fucking mind and clearly stoned this entire trip, which was, interestingly enough, the only time I've ever found her likeable.

Alexis's relationship with her husband is truly my worst fears realized. He has an incredible amount of control over her and she leads this gilded-cage-like existence. Basically, he buys her expensive jewelry to placate her and in return, she's completely subservient. Moreover, every single thing she does is for his pleasure. All of her confessionals say something along the lines of "I go to the gym 6 days a week for 3 hours and never eat sugar because my husband doesn't want to worry about having a frumpy, old wife." It sickens me.

Simon is a total jackass, but at least Tamra is feisty enough to fight with him and she's honest about his controlling tendencies. Alexis just "yeses" everything her husband says.
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FactCat
12:34 PM

@Tchotchke: I'll admit I don't have a lot of sympathy for Alexis. The part last week where she was having lunch with Gretchen and talking about how Christian and "Godly" she and her husband are, and how they both subscribe to these very defined roles that men and women should each occupy in a marriage...just, ugh. I'm about to get all Judgy McJudgerson here, but has she ever even considered that the whole "Godliness" angle might in fact be a vehicle for control and manipulation to ensure the man gets to keep all the power in the relationship? Doubtful.

In any case, I'm beginning to see where all these Prop 8 voters came from.
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Tchotchke
12:43 PM

@FactCat: Oh, you're totally right about the "godliness=control mechanism" thing. I just think she's too dumb (sorry!) and young to realize it. I don't know much about her age, but I think I remember that she was in her early twenties when she married Jim--who is much older and wealthier--and basically took the role of a bird in a gilded cage.

I loved Gretchen's line last week when she said something along the lines of: "They keep talking about the Bible and being a good Christian and leading a life without temptation, but Alexis shows up to lunch with these huge, fake boobs hanging out of the tightest dress. How is that modest and rejecting temptation? I don't get it." +1 for Gretchen.

Plus, Slade's a huge dirtball, but he and Gretchen will break up, so I don't worry about their relationship. Plus, she's bubbly and "hot", so she'll find another guy in 10 minutes.
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bluebears
01:15 PM

@Tchotchke: Yeah but then Gretchen ruined it by writing a blog about how she just was surprised and she really respects their marriage and their commitment to christian values etc etc and totally basically kissed their asses.

Sidenote: you guys should really be reading the housewives blogs.
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Tchotchke
02:09 PM

@bluebears: @L'Chaim!: Really? Ugh. Everything is two steps forward, one step back with these women.
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PaigeTurner
12:17 PM

In reply to Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
I've always thought Tamra was a bad influence on Vicki. Tamra brought the cattiness within the cast to a whole new level.

And wow. Lynn looks like a different person. Not so much younger, just different.
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R_Claw
12:14 PM

In reply to Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
I hope Tamra divorces Simon, he seems controlling, vindicative, and like a complete and total mysogynist (sp?). It's kind of scary actually.
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bluebears
12:16 PM

@R_Claw: As much as I dislike Ryan, who is an entitled little rape-y creep, I feel for him because Simon did everything he could to come between the two of them. I really feel like Simon couldn't stand Ryan even existing because it showed that Tamra had a whole other life before Simon came on the scene.
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PaigeTurner
12:23 PM

@bluebears: I thought Simon was pretty fair to Ryan. He basically just told Ryan he had to have a job if he wanted to live in their house. Up to that, Ryan was just drinking and partying all day and night (and probably using their money to do so).

Tamra and Ryan have a strange relationship, too. Remember when they all went clubbing together?
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otherginger
01:01 PM

@PaigeTurner: More than a tinch of Oedipus there, fer sure. I actually think the stricter approach Simon keeps trying to take was better parenting than Tamra's weird technique.
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bluebears
01:08 PM

@PaigeTurner: Yeah but if you watch the first season they appear on Ryan talked a lot about he was basically forced out of the house by Simon while he was still in high school, he lived with his Grandma. I believe it, given Simons controlling persona.
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bluebears
01:12 PM

@otherginger: I agree but I think a step-parent has to be respectful that they're not actively coming between the birth parent and the child and he just seems to not care about that one whit. Ryan isn't his kid, bottom line.
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otherginger
01:38 PM

@bluebears: True. But I imagine young Ryan made it very difficult for anyone to date Mummy seriously, let alone marry her (and support mom and son in a pretty spectacular, til recently, fashion). Maybe it's just that I loathe Ryan. I loathe 85% of the Kids of Orange.
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bluebears
11:50 AM

In reply to Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
Also watching those three men (Simon, Jim and Slade) sit around be catty bitches was nauseating.
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bluebears
11:43 AM

In reply to Real Housewives: What's The Deal With The Controlling Husbands?
Vicki isn't exactly a "feminist ally" but I agree that she's the only woman left who has actually made her own money instead of relying on her husband to support her. I felt really bad for her last night (even though, yes, she has certainly been mean on occasions herself) it's never fun to feel like a 3rd wheel.
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LazyHippo
01:53 PM

@bluebears: Do you have to not rely on your husband's money to be a feminist? Does that mean that Michelle Obama can no longer be one? Or what about Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who was supported by her husband (as was Lucretia Mott)?
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bluebears
02:06 PM

@LazyHippo: Yeah, comparing Michelle Obama, a highly educated attorney with a career in her own right before she became a first lady to Tamra and Alexis is like, the definition of NOT APT and actually ridiculously insulting. As to Stanton and Mott, again this is not a fair comparison, since women of that age didn't work and really I would argue that they did work on behalf of the feminist movement even though they were financially supported by husbands.

So yes, I don't consider women, in 2009, who make it their lives goal to be financially dependent on a man to be feminists. Not saying that at times circumstances conspire to where you cannot support yourself without assistance but that is simply not the situation these women are in and have aspired to.
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the sieve
06/02/09

In reply to Men Married To Younger Women Live Longer
/adds to "chatting up younger women" repertoire
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clevernamehere
06/02/09

@the sieve: Wow, you're creepy!
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lalaland13
06/02/09

In reply to Men Married To Younger Women Live Longer
Err my mom is married to a man eight years younger and they are so ridiculously happy in a cute but not annoying way that I call bullshit. I mean, maybe she'll get hit by a bus or have a heart attack, but correlation does not equal causation. Now if the study said, "Women married to assholes die younger," than yeah, you might be onto something.
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clevernamehere
06/02/09

In reply to Men Married To Younger Women Live Longer
This really sounds like a novelty study, something someone did because the data was lying around and they were curious.

They were only looking at Denmark and only looking at 15 years of deaths. Maybe Danish culture has an influence on who marries younger or maybe people born in the 1910s-1930s had different marriage patterns than contemporary Danes or Americans. Also, the headline seems misleading-the article says their risk of premature death is cut, not that they live longer. If the average Danish man dies at 80, that means men with younger wives are less likely to die before 80 not that they are more likely to live beyond 80.
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PreposterousHypothesis
06/02/09

In reply to Men Married To Younger Women Live Longer
My fiance is 9 years older than me. I have actually cried at night thinking about if he dies significantly before me. Methinks that's part of why the women die younger. I don't know how much longer I'll want to stick around if I'm like 80 and he kicks off at 89.
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SpasticFurchild
06/02/09

In reply to Men Married To Younger Women Live Longer
So, because my boyfriend is ten years and we plan on marrying, I'm going to DIE EARLY?

Bummer. Maybe I should find an article saying I'm going to die even sooner because we're having a baby.

*grumpy*
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SpasticFurchild
06/02/09

@SpasticFurchild: ten years YOUNGER, I mean. Not um, ten years old...
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LaMorena
06/02/09

@SpasticFurchild: HAHAHA, I knew what you meant but still did a double-take on that one. I hear that jail time isn't very good for your long-term health.
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HillGirl
06/02/09

In reply to Men Married To Younger Women Live Longer
Maybe a higher percentage of men who are married to younger women have more money. Thus, they have higher access to better health care which impacts their life span. Just a guess. I really don't know what to say about women's life expectancy decreasing in both directions.
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