• Ellen DeGeneres is so psyched about the California Supreme Court ruling regarding gay marriage that she's gonna get hitched to longtime love Portia de Rossi. Woohoo! It would be kind of awesome if they did it on TV. And then danced! [TMZ]
  
• Pregnant Angelina Jolie will be looking "sexy" on the July cover of Vanity Fair; she was shot by Patrick Demarchelier. Wonder if he'll have her Photoshopped? [Page Six]
  
• Click here if you need info on Angelina's tattoos. [Sydney Morning Herald]
  
• Angelina will probably give birth in France, FYI. [USA Today]
  
• Angelina's dad Jon Voight is all riled up over Israel: "God gave this land to the Jewish people; they shouldn't be giving it away," he says. But, um, Voight is not Jewish. [Mirror]
  
• "If I punched every bitch who called me fat, it would be dead bitches all up and down the highway." — Star Jones. [Page Six]

• Just two weeks after marrying Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon is driving a new car: the $120,000 Maserati Quattroporte. Did Drumline profits pay for it? [TMZ]
• Ali Lohan swears that even though sister Lindsay hangs with Sam Ronson, she is not a lezebel. "They're best friends. They're just friends. It's pathetic what people say," Ali claims. [Perez Hilton]
• Here's a book for your Amazon wish list: Hollywood Babylon: It's Back has full-frontal nudes of stars like Mick Jagger, Daniel Radcliffe, Ewan McGregor, John Malkovich, James Woods and Richard Gere. Plus! Stories about the size of other actors; Johnny Depp was known as "donkey dick" and an art student who sketched Sean Connery years ago swears, "It was the biggest I've ever seen. It made me drop my charcoal pencil." [Rush & Molloy]
• As previously reported, Britney Spears and Mel Gibson are on vacay together in Costa Rica. Also along for the adventure are Brit's dad Jamie and Mel's wife Robin, as well as some "unidentified youngsters." Apocalypto! [E!]
• An L.A. band says there's a Miley Cyrus song that sounds suspiciously like one of theirs. Miley's rep says, "She doesn't write the songs - she sings them. We have referred this to Disney." Ah, well, okay then. [Page Six]
• Hulk Hogan has written letters to the court trying to get his son Nick a softer sentence; Hulk says Nick isn't the wild kid people see on TV because their reality show "is scripted." [TMZ]
• American Idol alum Taylor Hicks will join the cast of Grease on Broadway. [ET]
• Duran Duran are in the news! They rerouted their world tour to perform for Deutsche Bank staffers; then the show got canceled. Now they're hungry like the wolf. Don't say a prayer for them now, save it til the morning after. [Mirror]
• Sheryl Crow has a new boyfriend; he's a restauranteur and pilot from Alabama. He can fly home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. [MSNBC]
• Movie-industry private investigator Anthony Pellicano has been found guilty of conspiracy after wiretapping and harassing a string of celebrities, including Garry Shandling, Kevin Nealon, Sylvester Stallone and Keith Carradine. [Portfolio]
• Rapper DMX has pleaded not guilty to felony drug possession and misdemeanor animal cruelty charges. [Yahoo News]
• Jury selection is complete in the trial of R. Kelly! Maybe the trial will finally begin? [Mirror]
• Ryan Kavanaugh, the executive producer of 21, smitten with Natalie Portman? What will Devendra Banhart say? [Page Six]
• Kanye West performed with four topless dancers wearing space helmets and made $1 million. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which TV legend likes to play dirty in the bedroom? The larger-than-life fella ties up his conquests with bathrobes - and takes breaks from "satisfying" the girls only to snort piles of coke." [Rush & Molloy]
• Lil' Kim won $500,000 in a lawsuit against a former fellow Junior M.A.F.I.A. member. That kind of cash will get her some nice fingernails. [Vibe]
• Dennis Rodman has been charged with battery and domestic violence after allegedly hitting his girlfriend last month in an L.A. hotel. Rodman is currently in a rehab facility, but he told TMZ "I've never hit anyone." [TMZ]
• Kelly Osbourne has a new boyfriend named Luke. [Mirror]
• "The handbags alone were heavenly. I'm a handbag girl, so I was just salivating. Every time a new purse came into the wardrobe room I'd get so excited. People would walk in with arms full of bags, just trying to decide which one my character should use that day. Just flipping through them, one more beautiful than the next. I was stunned... Next time I will make sure I put a clause into my contract that I get to keep all my purses." — Jennifer Hudson, on the Sex And The City movie. [Mirror]

[Los Angeles, April 28. Image via INFDaily.com.]

• A fight broke out on the set of Pharrell's new video a few hours before Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson showed up. Oh, and the N.E.R.D. song, "Everybody Nose," is about girls waiting on line for a club bathroom to do coke. [Page Six]
  
• Hey, guess who is making a cameo appearance in that video about cocaine? Your girl Lindsay! Classy. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Contrary to earlier reports, a source says Lindsay's album is on track to be released this fall. [People]
  
• As previously reported, Anne Hathaway's boyfriend, Italian property developer Raffaelo Follieri, was arrested for trying to pass a bad check for $250,000. [People]
  
• Also as previously reported: Naomi Campbell was arrested after a kerfluffle at Heathrow's Terminal 5, after a dispute involving a missing piece of luggage. Since Terminal 5 opened last week, more than 28,000 bags have been separated from their owners. Naomi is out on bail and must report to the police station in late May. [Yahoo News]
  
• There's some new strain of medical marijuana people are calling "Tom Cruise Purple" and guess whose lawyers are investigating? Spoil sport. [Rush & Molloy]

• Are Beyoncé and Jay-Z getting married today? [Mirror]
• It seems like they are! Guests must wear ivory and the location was not on the invitation. [Concrete Loop]
• Madonna's new video, "4 Minutes," is out! Watch Madge and Justin Timberlake undulate and flirt! [People]
• Officials in Malawi are backing Madonna's effort to adopt David Banda, which looks like a go — we'll know when she visits the country next week. [Mirror]
• Prince William and girlfriend Kate Middleton were seen dancing, giggling and kissing at a charity event with a burlesque theme. Is he gonna marry her or what? [People]
• Nicolas Cage has won libel action against the Daily Mail and actress Kathleen Turner over false allegations that he'd been arrested for drunk driving and had stolen a dog. [Guardian]
• George Clooney's request for a writing credit on new film Leatherheads was denied by the Writers Guild, so Clooney has withdrawn from the union. [Reuters]
• "Motherhood has never been an ambition. I don't think like that. I never have expectations like, 'When I'm 19 I'm going to do this, and by the time I've hit 25 I'm going to do that'. I just take things as they come, each day at a time, and if things happen then all well and good." — Renee Zellweger. [ONTD]
• Kate Moss and Agyness Deyn are in a spat, yawn. [Mirror]
• Scott Storch had trouble getting into a club and it made the papers. [Page Six]
• Maya Angelou is turning 80 this weekend, so Oprah is throwing her a huge three-day party in Palm Beach! Perhaps our invitation was lost in the mail? [Page Six]
• Chloe Sevigny collapsed on the way to the Nylon anniversary party she was supposed to be hosting due to a viral infection. [Page Six]
• Mick Jagger wears Nikes with platform soles so he can measure up to his 6 foot 2 girlfriend L'Wren Scott. You make a grown man cry! [Page Six]
• Heather Mills is moving to New York. Sigh. [Gatecrasher]
• Hmm, Yoko Ono is sympathetic to Heather Mills. "It's not very easy for a woman to be associated with The Beatles," Yoko says. [Mirror]
• Shanna Moakler, former Miss USA and ex of Blink 182's Travis Barker, is now datng Jay Grdina, Jenna Jameson's ex. Romantic. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which publicist for the wife of one of Hollywood's biggest old school action stars doubles as a rep for her skin-care range? A journalist who recently expressed polite interest in the line was offered the chance to buy some." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which proud new papa cheated on his fiancée two years ago with a famous starlet? The two were hanging at a private bash in his apartment when the mood turned a little lustful." [Rush & Molloy]
• Really? More Ashley Dupre Girls Gone Wild photos? So over it. [TMZ]
• 50 Cent's baby mama wants to stay in her $2.4 million Long Island mansion even thought 50 owns the house and they split up years ago. [TMZ]
• Kelly Ripa says she's "so excited" for Kathie Lee Gifford's stint on the Today show. Babe, you're the only one. [People]
• Former ANTM contestant Yaya has been cast on All My Children. Act with your eyes! [ONTD]
• Hulk Hogan is "very happy" with his new girlfriend, Jennifer McDaniel, who is — surprise! — a busty blonde, much like his wife. And daughter. [People]
• During the first week of the Beijing Olympics, Mia Farrow will be in Darfur, protesting China's involvement in that region of Africa. [Yahoo News]
• Kevin Federline has spent $50,489 in Vegas over an eight-month period. Guess who pays his credit card bills? The "Bank Of Britney." [TMZ]
• Britney and her mom went shopping at Ed Hardy for birthday presents for Jamie Lynn — today is JLS's 17th birthday. [People]
• Will Britney return to How I Met Your Mother? [USA Today]
• Survey says: No. [ONTD]

• While Justin Timberlake was working with Madonna on her album, Madge offered JT a B-12 shot. "She proceeds to pull a Ziploc bag of B-12 syringes out [of her purse] and says, 'Drop 'em.' I don't know what you say to that, so I immediately dropped my pants," Justin says. "She gave me a shot in my ass and looks at me and says, 'Nice top shelf.' That was one of the greatest days of my life." [People]
  
• Last night, Madonna was been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Music. Makes the people. Come together. Music makes the bourgeoisie and the rebel. [Mirror]
  
• A source calls Lindsay Lohan's new friends "leeches." Maybe LL is used to that? CoughmommyDinacoughcough? [Page Six]
  
• Dina Lohan on her show, Living Lohan, which begins shooting on the 16th and will air around Memorial Day on E!: "Be nice to us." [Gatecrasher]
  
• "I may be Eccentric, i certainly speak my mind and am slow to put out a record i need to mean the world to ME, and im sure i am quite Nuerotic [sic] but 'Bi Polar'. Thats just slander." — Courtney Love. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Yeah, yeah, we know. Patricia Heaton has no belly button. [TMZ]

• On her MySpace page, Brooke Hogan speaks out against her friend who had a fling with her father, Hulk Hogan: "I think she shoulda thought about what kinda press she was gonna get when she slept with her best friend's famous father . . . I think we're all seeing just exactly how karma works Christiane. Nothing you say will ever put my family back together." [Page Six]
• Superbad star Jonah Hill: Smokes his weed out of an apple bong. Just like Charlize! [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which 8-year-old son of a daytime TV personality told gossip reporters on the red carpet that he had recently come down from bed to find his famous mom drinking margaritas on the terrace? 'She told me she was going to do the dishes, but she lied to me!' the tyke complained earnestly." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which clean-cut pop star is a jerk behind closed doors? When a top model accidentally sat on his jacket at a recording studio, the warbler sprinted over and demanded she move immediately." [Rush & Molloy]
• Britney's lawyers are trying to get Kevin Federline to pay his own legal bills; K-Fed pleads poverty — despite recently tipping a waitress $2000 on a $365 bill. Being a bad-ass baby daddy is expensive! [Rush & Molloy]
• Meanwhile, Britney may get some financial independence back: A judge ruled that Dad Jamie can give her a debit card that has a $1500 per week limit on it. [TMZ]
• American Idol alum Sanjaya appeared at a Bat Mitzvah on Long Island and sang two songs — for free. Oy. [TMZ]
• Jessica Simpson does not have her pricey hairdresser with her in Kuwait; she flew a commercial airline and not a private jet, and she is staying in the barracks. "She has significantly scaled back her entourage," he rep says. Just so you know. [People]
• Project Runway winner Christian Siriano says the Saturday Night Live skit in which Amy Poehler does an impression of him was "SO FUNNY. The hair was absolutely perfect. I don't think I could have done it better myself. It was fierce!" [People]
• Mark Ronson will notbe DJing Suri Cruise's second birthday party. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." [ONTD]
• Aww! Emma Watson, aka Hermione Granger, has a new boyfriend. "We've only been going out together for three weeks, but it's brilliant at the moment." [Mirror]
• Uh, this paper claims Jennifer Aniston has dumped her man, Brian Bouma, a crew member on a film she was working on. Did you even know they were seeing each other? Wasn't she with Jason Lewis? [Mirror]
• James McAvoy says Angelina Jolie was rough with him in their new film, Wanted: "She kicked seven colors of poo out of me but, thankfully, I'm still in one piece." [Mirror]
• "Cheeky" photographs of Gisele Bundchen and Kate Moss are being auctioned off. And by cheeky we mean naked. [The Sun]
• HBO has ordered 13 episodes of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, a show based on the best-selling books. Singer Jill Scott stars! [Concrete Loop]
• Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch is in ruins. The Ferris wheel has rusted, the mansion has broken windows and the paint is peeling. The perfect set for a horror film! [The Sun]
• Rosie O'Donnell and Kathy Griffin made a video where they talk about Barbara Walters, lube, Helen Mirren, etc. [Perez Hilton]
• Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis is free. He's out of a Nevada jail and headed to Florida, where he'll face charges related to filming underaged girls. [USA Today]
• Janet Jackson is co-writing a book about her journey as an "emotional eater." Um, yay? [Reuters]
• Tori Spelling has a book, too! It's called Stori Telling, of course. She talks about her nose job, boob job, a passionless marriage and trouble with her mother. Also: When her dad died, she only got $800,000 of his estimated $500 million fortune. [USA Today]
• Van Halen continues to postpone shows as Eddie Van Halen continues to undergo tests for an undislosed medical condition. [Reuters]
• Gene Simmons: Bald. [Seriously OMG WTF]

• Lily Allen's been seeing a shrink? Good for her. [The Sun]
• Dannielynn Birkhead, 18 months old, has officially been declared the sole heir to Anna Nicole Smith's estate. If the court battle involving Smith's late husband's fortune is ever settled, Dannielynn could get millions! [TMZ]
• Scarlett Johansson: Moving in with Ryan Reynolds? [Rush & Molloy]
• Linda Hogan is claiming that Hulk Hogan is using their son Nick to deliver messages about the divorce. Kids are always caught in the middle! [TMZ
• A New York City restaurant with cameras in its "private room" has caught stars like Diddy, Sienna Miller, Tom Brady and Gisele "frolicking" on video, but a rep says the tapes get deleted, shizzle. [Page Six]
• Salma Hayek loves her 6-month-old daughter but "I wanted a boy," she says. "There is always conflict between mothers and daughters. But now that she's here, I'm so happy she's a girl. And I can't imagine there ever being conflict between us, because I'm in a state of innocence where I love everything she does." Eh, just wait until she's 17. [Page Six]
• Does Kimora Lee Simmons have a contract rider for personal appearances that requires someone to refill her champagne glass if it gets below one inch? Will she only drink Fiji water? Do places have to provide fans that blow on her in case it gets hot? [Page Six]
• Is twice rehabbed Pat O'Brien being dropped from The Insider? [Page Six]
• Chace Crawford, aka Gossip Girl's Nate: Spotted partying with JC Chasez in Las Vegas. [Page Six]
• Ryder Robinson, son of Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson, was in Miami Beach when he got into an elevator that reeked of booze and cigarettes. "It smells like Daddy's concert!" the 4-year-old proclaimed. [Page Six]
• A guest at the Real Housewives Of New York City party was heard saying: "These women do not represent New York. This show is a joke." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which actress went into rehab only after she suffered a miscarriage? She was on a four-day cocaine bender when she lost the baby she didn't even know she was carrying." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which red-carpet couple will finally have someone to talk to now that they're new parents? The Hollywood pair are so strange and reclusive, 'they have no other friends.'" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which super-star mommy cut a PR deal with the private hospital in which she gave birth to cut down on the costs of her VIP suite?" [Gatecrasher]
• Oh, now Barack Obama is not attending opening night of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. Boo. [Gatecrasher]
• Emma Thompson's "adopted" Rwandan son thinks Brits are obsessed with the "pathetic celebrity culture." Smart guy! [Daily Mail]
• Daniel Baldwin is working on becoming an interventionist? Really? [TMZ]
• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo, hot-spot hopping in New York, blah blah blah, yawn. [People]
• David Hernandez, who danced nekkid before becoming an American Idol finalist, won't be kicked off the show because, producers say, "We're never judgmental about what people do to earn a living." And hey, being ogled in the buff probably prepared him for the competition! [People]
• "Millions of fans" are supporting Jennifer Aniston in "internet chat rooms" and "fan sites" after she didn't get a chance to confront Brad and Angelina at an Oscar party, sez this paper. Sure, sure. Whatever. [Daily Express]
• Sandra Bernhard is in the new issue of Vanity Fair and her girlfriend just happens to the a publicist for the mag, interesting. [Radar]
• Lil' Jon has a winery??? Jon is offering his own Merlot, Chardonnay and Cabernet Sauvignon in slick black bottles. From crunk to classy! [Ad Age]
• Mariah Carey says she's not ready to be a mom. "It's hard enough to have a puppy." Word. [MSNBC]
• Cruz Beckham, in a Batman suit. That kid is destined for stardom. [Daily Mail]

• Did Hulk Hogan have an affair while he was still living with his wife, Linda? And was the woman he slept with a friend of his daughter, Brooke? [Perez Hilton]
  
• Nicole Richie's baby! On the cover of People! Cute! [People]
  
• Someone styled & shot Lindsay Lohan to look like a tired tranny hooker on the cover of Paper magazine. [The.Life Files]
  
• March 17: The date a judge will tell Sir Paul McCartney how many millions he has to give to ex Heather Mills. Mark your calendars! [Mirror]
  
• Is Amy Winehouse back on drugs? Friends say she feels rehab is turning her into "some sort of zombie with no emotion." She apparently says she feels "numb" and recently held a lighter over her hand and purposely burned her skin. Fuck. [The Sun]

• A court in Norway has postponed Amy's drug possession hearing. She was arrested there last October on charges of marijuana possession. She and Blake Incarcerated were due in court Friday, but Blake is due in court in the UK Friday, so he won't be able to make it. So many court dates, so little time. [USA Today]
• Gossip columnist Cindy Adams wrote that pregnant Nicole Kidman was drinking white wine backstage during the Oscars; Kidman's publicist, who was with Nicole backstage, says the beverage was tea and that Adams is "an idiot, and you can quote me." [News.com.au]
• Jenna Bush had a girls-only spa weekend bachelorette party in Boca Raton; her fiancé had a boys' weekend in Miami. [People]
• Jessica Simpson is traveling to Kuwait to "entertain" the troops. Just what they need. [People]
• High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale had a nose job in November; her recently released doll has her old nose. LOL. [MSNBC]
• Something is going on between Jonathan Jaxson of gossip site JJ's Dirt and Perez Hilton, but it's sort of too early to think about it. The gist: Sex tape in return for blogging help. "I fell in love with Perez. I thought he had a huge heart...but he's just a [bleep]hole," Jaxson says. YAWN. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba says she was called a slut in 6th grade because she had big boobs. That ain't right. [Page Six]
• Did Selma Blair and model boyfriend Matt Felker split because he came home and found her with another man? [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears went to the Betsey Johnson store on Melrose in L.A. and asked if they could copy a Dolce & Gabbana dress. They were all, "uh, no." So she bought the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window. [Gatecrasher]
• The LAPD is investigating suspected drugger/robber Sam Lutfi, though they won't come out and say it. [TMZ]
• Kevin Federline is turning 30 next month with a huge party in Las Vegas. Think Brit's invited? [People]
• Lynne Spears has been praising her ex-husband Jamie for taking control of Britney's troubled life. A family friend says, "He's gathered a team of reputable people who are around [Britney] now. She's not well, but for the first time in a long time she has people around her who really care about her." [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has shot a public service announcement for UNICEF to raise money for HIV prevention. [People]
• Is Kate Hudson trying to bag Justin Timberlake? A source says she has been "texting him nonstop." But she's also seeing Owen Wilson, apparently. So. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which TV vixen, based in L.A., spent a lot of the writers' strike downtime in New York City? Word is that she was cheating on her boyfriend with her girlfriend." [Gatecrasher]
• That diamond band, wedding-ish ring Ashlee Simpson's been wearing? "It's a promise ring," she says. From Pete Wentz, natch. [Rush & Molloy]
• Bill Cosby is hosting the Playboy Jazz Festival, if you care. What would Claire Huxtable say? [AP]
• Isaiah Washington was on Capitol Hill meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus and lobbying to preserve the history of an island known off the coast of Sierra Leone. [Politico]
• A judge won't let Ja Rule post bail for his homies, who are co-defendants in a gun possession case. [Yahoo News]
• Josh Hartnett: Forced to fly coach. [Page Six]
• Oooh, Ludacris, Thandie Newton and Gerard Butler star in the new Guy Ritchie movie! [Page Six]
• Boy George denies he kept a 28-year-old Norwegian dude handcuffed in his apartment. Do you really want to hurt me??? [Yahoo News]
• Naomi Campbell remains hospitalized in Brazil, though her doctor says she is "completely cured and walking." Be well! [Yahoo News]

• Jessica Alba is pregnant! The father is boyfriend Cash Warren. Congrats? It's kind of worrying that they're on-again-off-again, sigh. Good luck, kids. [People]
  
• Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell supposedly pointed to Victoria" Posh Spice" Beckham's tummy during a show and allegedly said, "She's pregnant." Hahahahahaha, wait, what? [News.com.au]
  
• Madonna to New York City yoga class: "I want you all to leave." And they did! [Page Six]
  
• Speaking of her Madgesty, she was seen sporting two black eyes. Surgical procedure, perhaps? [Daily Mail]
  
• Custody battle news: Britney Spears will finally have her deposition taken under oath — today at 10 a.m. OMG. [TMZ]
  
• A French producer wants Britney Spears to play the Virgin Mary in a new film. But it's satire, see? [Page Six]

• Kiefer Sutherland has been getting "a ton" of fan mail while in prison, says an officer. "Easily more than 100 letters a day." Jack Bauer would have busted out by now, though. [People]
• Howard Stern is pissed Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck moved to his block on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, since the paparazzi now hang out there. Dude, they're not interested in you, srsly. [Page Six]
• Christina Aguilera ordered a set of photo enlargements from her Marie Claire pregnant belly photo shoot. Perfect to hang over the couch! [Page Six]
• Did Ethan Hawke bang the nanny while he was still married to Uma Thurman? [Gatecrasher]
• Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow may have been on the rocks over the summer but they are totes happy now, so rest easy. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which perfectly lovely young star has an ugly assistant who is ruining her reputation in celebrity circles with her rude behavior and love of freebies?" [Gatecrasher]
• This extremely old quote (originally from the January issue of Elle) where Angelina Jolie calls Shiloh Jolie-Pitt a "blob" and a likely "outcast" keeps getting recycled and taken out of context, and frankly we're sick of it. [MSNBC]
• Nicole Kidman may take a break from acting: She says, "A lot of my wish to work was about wanting to get lost, not wanting to be in the world." But now, "I have a reason to be in the world now and that reason is Keith." Aw, romantic. Now do something about his hair. [Telegraph]
• It was announced that Lily Allen will be a judge on the panel of the Orange Broadband Prize For Fiction, the prestigious literary award for female authors (past winners include Zadie Smith and Lionel Shriver). Literary Lil, sounds good. [Independent]
• Hulk Hogan is having a rough year: his wife Linda has filed for divorce and his son Nick is facing charges of reckless driving. "I just pray that things get better for my family," Hogan says. "I love my family and I love my wife to death and I just don't know what tomorrow's going to bring." [ABC News]
• Some idiot tried to rip Naomi Campbell's VIP pass from her neck at the Led Zeppelin show. Dude, you're begging to get pistol-whipped by a cell phone! [Daily Mail]

• Lindsay Lohan and her family celebrated Thanksgiving with a day of group therapy! Meanwhile, her beau Riley Giles met the fam, then spent his nights partying without LL. Bad boyfriend! [Page Six]
  
• Oh, and Riley posted a bulletin on MySpace: "Theres some rumors circulating of a breakup... These "sources" are just bored, unemployed bloggers... Ny was a blAAst... I wished we could have stayed longer, minus me being forced to smile @ wOprah. what a whackjob!" OMG even he thinks Dina "White Oprah" Lohan is crazy! [ONTD]
  
• Britney Spears will get custody of her kids on Christmas Day, since KFed got 'em on Thanksgiving. Makes sense since Mama's got the dough for presents. [TMZ]

• Meanwhile, Brit's attorney is trying to get the custody case sealed, so details don't leak out, for the sake of the kids. The poor, poor kids. [USA Today]
• And? Details magazine has Kevin Federline on the cover, calling him a "good father" and one of the "50 most influential men under 45." What a world we live in. [MSNBC]
• Hulk Hogan is said to be "devastated" his wife Linda filed for divorce — is it all about the Benjamins? A source says she loves to spend. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which paranoid billionaire always travels with heavy security and doesn't like any employees with him on the elevator - but also doesn't want to be seen as racist, so black staffers are allowed to share the lift?" [Page Six]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie will host a preview of his film Revolver, which has not been released in the States but bombed abroad due to its "pretentious style and fractured storytelling." Hey, at least Madge isn't in it. [Gatecrasher]
• Did Heath Ledger spend Thanksgiving hitting on pretty brunettes? And did any of them give him the time of day? [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which singing heartthrob currently tied to an actress is really single and living out his sex fetish dreams with different girls all over the country?" [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which A-list pop star snaps her fingers angrily when clubgoers spill drinks on her, causing her burly bodyguard to immediately run for napkins? She doesn't even bother to thank him when he hands them to her." [Rush & Molloy]
• Foxy Brown is out of prison on good behavior! [TMZ]
• George Clooney and Don Cheadle are being honored by Nobel laureates for their efforts to bring peace to Darfur. [People]
• Kate Moss and boyfriend Jamie "Hotel" Hince had a fight... over Pete Doherty. Kate apparently misses being on stage with Pete, and was considering joining him at a gig; Jamie was all "Nuh-uh." [Mirror]
• Lily Allen reveals one of the reasons she dropped 20 lbs: Doctors discovered she had a heart murmur. [Mirror]
• Despite fainting, divorce and critics who say she can't dance, Marie Osmond is the popular choice on Dancing With The Stars, sigh. [ABC News]

• UK's News Of The World is reporting that Britney Spears is adopting Chinese twins. The paper isn't the type to have stories about the Loch Ness Monster dating Big Foot, but we still can't trust this "report." Seriously. [TMZ]
  
• Amy Winehouse was seen pulling something from her bra (not her beehive) and snorting it at a concert in London on Thursday. Think it was nasal spray? [Gatecrasher]
  
• But Amy may check into rehab in the new year, friends say. The trick isn't checking in, the trick is staying. [Daily Mail]
  
• Oprah Winfrey is the subject of an exposé. A man claims to have tapes in which an office manager speaks about Oprah's private life and business practices and reveal "what they don't want the public to know about [Oprah]." And yet he can't find a publisher for this project, hmm. [Page Six]

• Meanwhile, Oprah made a "secret trip" to South Africa Sunday and met with the student who claims to have been abused by a dorm matron and her parents. "Oprah looked beautiful and was so easy to talk to. It went very smoothly," the girl's father says. [People]
• At the 20-year celebration of The Princess Bride, actress Robin Wright Penn "looked phenomenal" while former costar Cary Elwes was unrecognizable. Maybe he should have walked around saying, "As you wish!" [Page Six]
• Rocker Pete Wentz has sent a cease-and-desist request to metal band Neurosonic over their new song that mocks Wentz's girlfriend, Ashlee Simpson. The band will probably respond by laughing and playing the song again. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which supposedly sober country queen seems to have tumbled off the wagon? The much-liked Southern singer had to be helped from the stage to her dressing room after a recent live appearance." [Gatecrasher, last item]
• When Tara Reid was a guest-star on Scrubs, she allegedly stank of booze and smokes. Blech. [Rush & Molloy]
• Director Todd Haynes on actress Charlotte Gainsbourg: "When she came on the set, I never wanted to be straight more in my life." [Rush & Molloy]
• Hulk Hogan's wife, Linda, has filed for divorce. The news was broken to the wrestling and reality star by a reporter from the St. Petersburg Times. [People]
• Us magazine asked Loveline host Dr. Drew Pinsky about Britney, and he says the fallen star is "a drug addict. We know that she is a drug addict because she's been admitted to a treatment center. You can't be admitted unless you've met criteria for addiction." He also says "It is hard to get through the sycophants who are enabling her and be able to find people around Britney who are willing to potentially sacrifice either their salary or their access to her by bringing her into treatment." [MSNBC]
• There's still some drama over the fact that Zahara Jolie-Pitt's biological grandmother told the adoption agency that Z's mother had died — and had witnesses sign paperwork affirming her statement — when in fact, the mother is alive and giving interviews to different news outlets. [Daily Mail]
• Does singer Kylie Minogue push herself during her shows to the point of collapse? [Daily Mail]
• Eunice Kennedy Shriver, sister of the late President John F. Kennedy and mother of Maria Shriver, has been hospitalized. [ET]

Welcome to Midweek Madness, our weekly binge on the sort of celebrity content we usually try so fastidiously to avoid every other day of the week. In which we "read" the Wednesday tabs. So you don't "have" to.

Us Weekly ("100% Paris Free!")
•Cover story: "Hollywood Baby Album!" Us clearly put a Herculean effort into coming up with Paris substitutes this week, starting with this eleven-page spread on Hollywood babies — the very definition of "filler topic"! A semi-creepy "My Life So Far!" sidebar on baby Suri (page 45) is written in Suri's imagined first-person voice.
•Although week's "hot story" for all of the magazines was Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's romantic Scandinavian getaway (pages 30-31). Us isn't as dick-sucky towards Timberlake as the rest of the tabs — early to the backlash, wethinks? — noting that he "turns women into Debbie Downers" and that he threw a tantrum in Sweden when some fans asked him to pose for pictures with them.
•Us also sports a preview of an upcoming interview with Nicole Richie in Nylon (page 56), which is a more refined twist on the "exclusive about an exclusive" feature. Nylon — unlike Atlanta Peach and Genre two magazines whose "exclusives" are reported "exclusively" this week by Page Six — is a magazine we have actually heard of.
•More filler! "Us Investigates" probes deep into the minds of 100 women at Rockefeller Center as to whether they would "rather date Prince Harry or Prince William" (66% said William!); "Have Michael Lohan or Joe Simpson as your dad?" (78% said Simpson, because making inappropriate comments about his daughter's tits is a lot classier than securities fraud!); and "Share custody with David Hasselhoff or K-Fed?" (63% said K-Fed). (Pages 58-61.)
•In more substantive content (not!) Us brings in the big guns of Hulk Hogan to declare "winners" in celebrity feuds (pages 62-63). [SPOILER ALERT: Tom Cruise beats Germany, Samantha Ronson beats Candy Spelling and Elizabeth Hasselbeck beats Rosie on grounds of "Rosie isn't a true friend."] A "bonus section" features LeAnn Rimes' "Hot-Weather Hairstyles" (pages 64-65), which, in our opinion, beats Paris news any fucking day of the week!

Star
•Cover Story: "Hollywood Baby Secrets!" (pages 48-55). More baby filler stories, which include the following huge secrets: Britney might not be the most mature mom (page 50) and Angelina lets Shiloh suck on a diamond-encrusted pacifier (page 52), because nothing says "I Am Africa" like a pacifier mined by child slaves!
•Meanwhile, on page 47, Star reports on more details of Timberlake's tantrum in Sweden, which involved the tossing of water bottles ping-pong balls and spitting on fans who had gathered below his hotel room. Jessica Biel reportedly "watched in horror" but she's still gonna stick with the asshole because this is pretty much the only thing her career is riding on right now.
•In its strangest story Star reports on an AIDS-related, health-coverage scandal in Florida we'd never heard about (page 38). It is, according to an "insider" at the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, "the kind of stuff that has Hollywood up in arms." Too bad it, uh, doesn't! The story quotes nary a celebrity, celebrity representative, celebrity flak or Hollywood "insider" professing "outrage" over the scandal, which basically amounts to Florida Governor Charlie Crist award