• Chris Brown will not be singing on Good Morning America next week as scheduled. He will, however, "come clean" in a primetime interview about what happened the night he assaulted former girlfriend Rhianna. [NY Post]

• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have not, repeat NOT split up. Says a rep for Witherspoon. A person who, a year or so ago, probably would not have confirmed the two were together. [Us Magazine]
• Meanwhile, "in the wake of infidelity rumors," Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are about to spend time apart: She will be working on a musical in the US and then filming a movie in Germany. Will the marriage survive?!?!? [UPI]
• Britney Spears allegedly proposed to her boyfriend, Jason Trawick, only to have him reject the offer. Allegedly. This made her "furious," so she (allegedly) "banished" Jason from Australia, where she is on tour. [MTV.com.au]
• Perez Hilton has written a second book, in which he claims that Drew Barrymore is "always fucked up" and is "not the sober kitten that the main public may think she is." In addition, he claims that "someone" tips off the photogs when Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony want to show the world pictures of themselves together. [Gatecrasher]
• Despite an apparent suicide note via Twitter, Michael Lohan is not dead, did not try to kill himself and the Twitter account saying so is not even his. [Gawker]
• Meryl Streep is on the cover of Vanity Fair and says: "It's incredible-I'm 60, and I'm playing the romantic lead in romantic comedies! Bette Davis is rolling over in her grave." Director Mike Nichols claims: "She broke the glass ceiling of an older woman being a big star-it has never, never happened before." [Vanity Fair]
• Rachel Uchitel, who is being called Tiger Woods' alleged mistress (as we learned in Midweek Madness, Star magazine alleges Uchitel has been sexting Tiger) is working with famed lawyer Gloria Allred now and the two are "deciding" what the next step will be. [TMZ]
• Rachel Uchitel says: "I did not have any involvement with him [Woods]. Whatever was written in the Enquirer was not said by me, it was said by two people that claimed they were friends of mine but they're not." [E!]
• Tiger Woods canceled a meeting with the Florida Highway Patrol. [TMZ]
• The FHP is trying to obtain a search warrant to seize medical records from the hospital which treated Tiger Woods. The idea is to find out if his injuries were from car accident or domestic violence; some reports claim that his wife followed him out of the house and struck his moving car with a gold club, causing him to hit a fire hydrant and tree. [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt's "Make It Right" homes in New Orleans are getting mixed reviews. Some people feel that the architecture is not grounded in the history of New Orleans and that the houses can be "alien, sometimes even insulting," [PopEater]
• Michael Jackson's enormous debt may be paid off, thanks to the music royalties and box-office bonanza from This Is It. [Daily Express]
• Mary Murphy wants Tom Cruise to be a guest judge on So You Think You Can Dance, and Katie Holmes says: "He would be great. He really would." It'll happen, if Xenu wills it so! [E!]
• Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz sped away from a stampede via motorcycle in Cadiz, Spain yesterday — it was a scene was for their flick Knight & Day, but the stampede was real. [NY Post]
• David Hasselhoff's ex-wife Pamela Bach was busted for DUI Saturday night. Bail was set at $15,000; Bach was released on her own recognizance and attended an AA meeting yesterday. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, David Hasselhoff was under an involuntary psychiatric hold at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center over the weekend after drinking a "large amount of alcohol." [Radar Online]
• Except: David Hasselhoff's lawyer denies that David was on a psych hold: "David's at home. He's fine. I'm not sure where that information is coming from." [E!]
• Rumor has it Kate Moss is sick of the "media glare" in the UK and may move to New York or Paris, where, as you may know, there are absolutely no paparazzi or tabloids. [Daily Mail]
• After a record-breaking opening weekend, New Moon's ticket sales dropped nearly 70% from Friday to Sunday. Somehow, The Blind Side is doing really well. [Us Magazine]
• Rihanna says: "I haven't been in touch with my dad for a year and a half... by his choice. He came on tour and acted a mess. We sent him home and after that he didn't answer my calls." Her dad says: "I leave messages for her but I never hear back. I want nothing more in this world than to see my daughter again and to be part of her life." And: "I'm sorry and I love you." A page from the MIchael Lohan book of child/parent communication! [Mirror]
• Taylor Momsen does that sullen, insomniac teen thing so well in the new Japanese edition of NyLon. [ONTD]
• Congrats to Tom Arnold, who was married for the fourth time in Hawaii on Saturday. The lady's name is Ashley Groussman and the wedding had an Asian theme; the couple chanted a Buddhist prayer after exchanging rings. [Us Magazine]
• You know, if we're not supposed to be admiring the physique of 17-year-old Taylor Lautner, then stop shooting slo-mo video of his biceps. Jeez. [Rolling Stone]
• Taylor Lautner says that once Jamie Foxx approached him and said, "Hey, my daughter is a huge fan, and I'm a huge fan. Is there any way I can get a picture with you? I'm Jamie Foxx." To which Taylor replied: "Are you kidding me? Can I get a picture with you?" [Gatecrasher]
• Apparently Jon Gosselin tweeted that he was going to his grandma's for Thanksgiving, but Hailey Glassman tweeted: "LOL-U are in Utah snowboarding w/ ‘friends'-lol-ur redic." [Gatecrasher]
• When Tila Tequila performs, she demands that there be 20 cans of Red Bull on hand "at all times." Healthy! [Page Six]
• When Simon Cowell's X Factor comes to the US, the contestants will be vying for a chance to sing in Las Vegas. [NY Post]
• According to a police report, in early November, Anthony Michael Hall "bit his girlfriend's forehead" and "pushed, shoved and spit at" her during a fight in her apartment. [Page Six]
• Breaking: Hugh Laurie has a black eye, obtained while boxing. [Daily Express]
• Seriously, I can't believe that thieves transferred more than £200,000 from Ricky Gervais's bank account — using a fake passport with a picture of Gervais playing David Brent cut from a DVD of The Office. Insane. [Daily Mail]
• Susan Boyle's album is at the top of the UK charts. [NY Post]
• "The brother of Susan Boyle said U.S. actress Kathy Bates should portray his sister in a film about the amateur Scottish singer's life." [UPI]
• Michael Kenneth Williams, aka Omar from The Wire, plays a thief in The Road. He says he was Method acting for the role: "I followed Viggo [Mortensen]'s cues. We didn't wash, we didn't cut our hair. No grooming. I smelled. I reeked." And! He'll be in a new HBO crime drama produced by Martin Scorsese. He says: "I'm not afraid of typecasting; I'm afraid of not eating." [NY Mag]
• Welcome to the digital age, Bill Cosby! Congrats on your new website, Facebook account, Twitter account and Flickr account. [NY Times]
• "Jay Leno Losing His Audience To DVR Machines." [AP]
• "I wanted to be on the edge of personal space that is shy of violating a person's privacy but close enough to suggest intimacy. I was trusting my intuition from my past [talk show] experience when I'd ask myself, why is this desk in between me and the person I'm talking to?" — William Shatner has a special face-to-face couch on his Raw Nerve show on Bio. [NY Post]
• "I don't want to be any kind of a happy couple with a photograph on the television set. I find it embarrassing. You have to get involved with other people's relatives and great aunt Bessies and all of that — and I'd rather not. I'm 50 years old now and a pattern emerges and I accept that and I don't mind at all." — Morrissey. At the link, check out Moz's Desert Island Discs: New York Dolls, Ramones, Iggy and the Stooges. [Guardian]
• "I've become a bit of a gym person. I feel apologetic about it because it looks a little uncool, but I like to have an appointment every day. Plus it's the only time I watch TV." — Claire Danes. [Times of London]
• "Whilst we press politicians to pass global laws to reduce carbon emissions, we should not forget our individual capacity to act in ways that will help to fight climate change - such as limiting the eating of meat. Having one designated meat-free day a week is a meaningful change that everyone can make." — Paul McCartney. [BBC News]
• "From the '93 case — they accused him of just the most horrible things. This kid's father has committed suicide because he just couldn't take it, and now the kid has come forth and said, Michael never touched him." — Jermaine Jackson, on Evan Chandler, who accused Michael Jackson of sexually abusing his son Jordy. [OMG via Access Hollywood]
• "I read once that Alexander the Great would've not been great, that great, if he would've not traveled with the historians who documented his multiple battles and his victories. So documenting your work is important, making sure that the work, if it's well done, if you put many hours and effort and energy into that, that it does its job, that it's presented the right way. And that's when you make sure that you're surrounded by intelligent people who can also contribute to your career in great ways… You can't win a battle if you don't have the right army behind you." — Shakira. [LA Times]
• "I definitely believe in the possibility of intelligent life on other planets. There's just so much space out there to not believe in that. For me, the idea with this movie is to be open to change. You should be accepting of change because, only through change, can you grow and learn more about yourself, as a human or alien." — Jessica Biel, who voices an alien in Planet 51. [Independent]
• "I like me better naked. I don't mean that in a vain way… When you put clothes on, you immediately put a character on. Clothes are adjectives, they are indicators. When you don't have any clothes on, it's just you, raw, and you can't hide." — Padma Lakshmi. [Page Six]
• "The word gay has become used as a derogatory term and this is something which education can help to resolve. Either that or we choose another word to describe ourselves. I rather like another G word – glorious." — Ian McKellen. [Daily Express]
• "The first day I met [Tracy Morgan], I had a small Afro, and he was like, 'You know, if you want to get dreads, you should get your girl pregnant and put the placenta in your hair.' And I was like, 'What the fuck … are you talking about?' But from that point on, I thought, Any brain that can make that up needs to be studied." — Donald Glover, who quit 30 Rock before being cast on Community. [NY Mag]
• "Every woman should have naked pictures taken. In five years my body might not look like this! I've always been borderline raunchy and a little sexy. But sexy at 19 and sexy at 21 is two different things. I'm just having fun. When naked pictures I'd sent to a boyfriend were leaked this year I was so nervous and embarrassed that my mom was going to see them. But she reacted in the most surprising way. She just sent me a text saying, 'You're an adult now.' Basically saying, 'Welcome to the real world.' She says I'm a woman now so I have to handle things like an adult." — Rihanna. [The Sun]
• "I can't remember the last time I really worried about being appealing." — Meryl Streep. [Page Six]

[Los Angeles, August 26. Image via WENN]

• Kate Winslet tells Allure that when filming The Reader, she had to regrow her pubic hair:

"Because of years of waxing, as all of us girls know, it doesn't come back quite the way it used to. They even made me a merkin (wig) because they were so concerned that I might not be able to grow enough." [MSNBC Scoop]

• Jon Gosselin speaks! He's on the cover of People, saying, "Eight Enough Is Enough!" [People]
• Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez: It's getting serious. How do we know this? A source says: "He introduced her to a bunch of his friends." [People]
• In case you were wondering what Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou named their baby boy, it's Kenzo. Kenzo Lee Hounsou. Has a nice ring to it. [Page Six]
• Uh-oh: Stevie Wonder's son busted for domestic violence? Love's in need of love today. [TMZ]
• Steve Dennis has penned a book titled Britney: Inside The Dream and writes about the pop star shaving her head: "The head-shaving had little do with self-loathing, more a loathing against the public persona that had defined her until then. What few people knew was that Britney was rowing with her mom, Lynne, who seemed to be incessantly reminding her of her motherly duties and responsibilities… The head-shaving moment was the culmination of an escalating rebellion, heightened by heartbreak over her divorce and custody battle, that can be traced back to 2004 when Britney decided she no longer wished to conform, be controlled or take instruction." [The Sun]
• Lindsay Lohan is in London, and her hotel is right down the street from Samantha Ronson's hotel. What a coincidence! Anyway, LL's Twitter said: "Missing a certain someone after a massage and chicken noodle soup... U (she) knows. Cuddle time soon I hope - fly safe." [Daily Mail]
• This was in Midweek Madness three weeks ago, but here it is again: Rihanna has "less than flattering" nude pix of Chris Brown. And plans to leak them. [World Of Wonder]
• Whoops! Melissa Joan Hart was overheard last week saying she hoped Farrah Fawcett wouldn't die — cuz then MJH would get bumped off the cover of People. [Page Six]
• A woman is claiming she was attacked and left "crippled" by Sacha Baron Cohen (as Bruno) at a Bingo hall in 2007. [TMZ]
• This paper is restrained and not at all sensationalist when it prints the words: "CANCER-stricken MICHAEL JACKSON is shunning food and now weighs less than nine stone (126 lbs.)" [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio got carded at some bar in NYC. Guess they didn't hear he's king of the world? [Page Six]
• Taylor Lautner, who gets all werewolfy in Twilight sequel New Moon, says the flick is heartbreaking: "There is heart break and, oh it's horrible. New Moon will rip your heart to shreds. So get ready!" [Mirror]
• Is Audrina Patridge dating Star Trek's Chris Pine? And does that mean their relationship will be on her new reality show? "There's always romance, she says. "We haven't started filming it yet, but it will be mostly my life. I'm really opening up in everything that I have going on in my life right now-everything." [E!]
• LOL: NBC wants to replace Heidi and Spencer on I'm A Celebrity with someone else from The Hills, but Audrina's manager said: "Not in a million years. Audrina is moving in a completely different direction than those two ... she's a star." Again: LOL! [TMZ]
• Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle may return to work in Mumbai; he has purchased the rights to another book set in the poorest section of the city. [Times of London]
• Paul McCartney will play the first concerts at Citi Field, "inaugurating" the Shea Stadium replacement. He says: "As years go by, I think, 'This is when I thought I'd retire,' but I'm having too much fun. When you say to me 'Citi Field,' I go oooh inside. I'm hungry for that. If you like cheesecake, it doesn't matter how many you've had. You're still going to have the next one with relish." [USA Today, USA Today]
• Eminem had thousands of dollars worth of items stolen from his L.A. hotel room on Sunday night, including a $60K diamond necklace and his personal laptop. Hmm, it's not like he has any enemies… [Gatecrasher]
• If you'd like to relive some of Eminem's most controversial moments, by all means, check out this slide show. [CNN]
• Maya Rudolph, who plays a thirtysomething, six-months-pregnant woman in Away We Go — and is now expecting her second child — says the movie deals with the way people treat expectant women: "It's about people's feeling of wanting to be connected. It just doesn't come out the way it's supposed to: 'Oh, God, you're huge.' I think the last person who wants to hear they're huge is a pregnant lady." [USA Today]
• Susan Boyle could need weeks of psychiatric care. [Daily Mail]
• "Susan Boyle is to Britain's Got Talent what the kids of Slumdog Millionaire are to director Danny Boyle. In both cases, a machine bigger than any one person got these unknowns into the mess that comes with worldwide fame. Wouldn't it seem wrong for Cowell (or Danny Boyle) to stand by as the dreams of the performers they discovered were beaten to a pulp and left on the side of the road to die?" [MSNBC Scoop]
• R. Kelly has a new track called "Tip The Waiter, which you can hear at the link. It's not about leaving cash for the server — it's about sex. Obviously. [NY Mag]
• Jude Law is playing Hamlet on the stage in London, and one of his costars — the skull he holds when he gives the "Alas, poor Yorick" speech — comes from Salt Lake City, Utah and dates back to 1800. [Telegraph]
• American Beauty's Wes Bentley is divorcing Jennifer Quanz, his wife of seven years. [TMZ]
  
• Sanaa Lathan, James Earl Jones and Phylicia Rashad will star in an all-black production of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, to be staged on London's West End. [Variety]
• Jack Nicholson is in talks to join the cast of an untitled romcom with Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon and Owen Wilson; Bill Murray had also been considered for the part. [Variety]
• DMX: Almost always in jail! Eight days after he was released, he pled guilty to another crime, so he may be headed back. [TMZ]
• "Trista Sutter Blogs About The Bachelorette: Foot Fetishes, Unicorns & the Closet?" [E!]
• Recently married former Bachelorette Jen Schefft to single ladies: "For all those people who are discouraged, you can meet the right person. Just don't settle." [People]
• Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are producing a TLC series, Masters Of Reception, which focuses on a New Jersey family-owned catering business trying to top themselves each week. [Variety]
• Kelly Ripa's dad is being sworn in as Camden County clerk in New Jersey today. [AP]
• Phil Spector's wife, Rachelle, insists that he in innocent, and plans to stay with him even though he's in jail for shooting another woman. [UPI]
• "Peter Falk's dementia means he no longer remembers Columbo." [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which macho A-list actor was annoyed to find pressat a recent gala because he hadn't "put on [his] makeup yet'?" [Gatecrasher]
• "In a strange way, I don't have a job, so I have a lot of time on my hands. When I do work, it might be very concentrated, and it might be months where you're not really doing anything except maybe playing the banjo or writing something. You know, there's a lot of time in the day if you're not working 9 to 5. […] I use the Internet a lot to find music. I always download it legally — especially my own songs." — Steve Martin. [CNN]
• My most memorable scene? I have to say I'm still proudest of the stuff I did on "Fight Club," mainly the opening title sequence. It's a 95-second pullback through the brain. It starts inside a synapse inside the amygdala, the fear center of the brain. It goes through various structures, a forest of neurons and dendrites, passing through various outer layers, the surface of the brain, layers of skull, then skin and a hair follicle and out to the barrel of a gun, essentially following Ed Norton's character's thoughts." — Visual Effects Supervisor Kevin Mack. [LA Times]
• "Emma and I are creatively married. It's an extraordinary feeling when we work together. I don't think we – or, I'll speak for myself, I – have ever done anything closer to myself than the work I do with her. Marriage should be this easy! Right?" — Dustin Hoffman on Emma Thompson. [Telegraph]
• "This is a huge honour. I am both thrilled and slightly mystified, but very grateful." — Michael Sheen, who played Tony Blair in The Queen and just was made an officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE). [Daily Express]
• "When Obama's story is ready to be told I'll be too old to do it. And if it were made now, he has too much to do to have me asking for tips on how to play him." — Denzel Washington seems a little sad, no? [Daily Express]
• "I'm trying not to think of it as big or meaningful in any way. I find the whole celebration of approaching death a peculiar thing… I remember, I made a pact with some friends when we were 18 that we'd kill ourselves before we got to 40. It just seemed such a ludicrously distant prospect. I think I'd say that you'll never think you know more or feel more acutely or have any clearer an insight into existence than you do right now. From now on it's a gradually descending mist of confusion and doubt. I've never known less than I know now. You hope that your teenage self would like and forgive your 50-year-old self. It would be awful to think that they'd be ashamed and appalled – that you were a betrayal of everything they thought they'd become." — Hugh Laurie, who is on the verge of turning 50. [Telegraph]
• "Feminists don't have a sense of humor/They have a tumor on their funnybone." — from a song by Nellie McKay. [Page Six]
• "I don't think about that. That's beyond what I can control, and who the hell knows? I'm getting ready for another movie now." — Christian Bale doesn't want to talk about Terminator sequels. [Mirror]
• "The vampire is the ultimate bad boy. The vampire is the ultimate anti-everything. I haven't read Stephenie Meyer's books; the last encounter I had with the romantic vampire was with Anne Rice, and it was essentially 'beautiful people of the night.' But the line between attraction and horror is very, very thin. When you see footage of a polar bear walking in the snow, your heart melts. And then seconds later when you see the same polar bear mauling a baby seal, you can be horrified. And I don't see why these aspects of life cannot be reconciled." — Director Guillermo Del Toro, who has written a vamp book called The Strain. [Time]
• "I don't think I look particularly fantastic. I know you're not supposed to drink caffeine and I know you're not supposed to drink wine but I do both. I could be much thinner if I really worked at it. But there was a time when I was exercising a lot and then I realised that the person I was spending the most time with was my trainer. I thought: 'I don't have time to see my friends!"" — Julianne Moore. [Daily Express via Vogue]

• American Idol runner-up Adam Glambert has been vague about his sexuality, but a source says:

He'll come out, officially, on the cover of the next Rolling Stone. [Page Six]

• For the love of Zeus: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer might be back on. Here is an actual quote from a "source" o the set of The Baster: "[John] wasn't calling her or texting her. But, as she got lonelier and the shoot for her new movie wore on, she started reaching out to him, sometimes very late at night and sometimes after a few too many glasses of wine." Boozy old lonely sad tragic drunk dialing! [MSNBC]
• Jen Aniston's movie is filming near her ex-roommate's restaurant; the roomie is the one who wrote a memoir and depicted Aniston as "weight-obsessed." Unscripted dramz. [Page Six]
• Pierce Brosnan saved Uma Thurman from an out-of-control van on the set of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief! He saw the runaway vehicle "hurtling down a hill" towards Uma and jumped into the drivers' seat and slammed on the brakes. [Daily Express]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Nicole Kidman dyed her hair red and has a "poochy stomach," so clearly she must be pregnant. [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez have been dating for about a week but she is "already following A-Rod around." [Page Six]
• Order in the court! Al Roker got in big trouble yesterday for snapping pictures while on jury duty. [NY Daily News]
• Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman together on Broadway? Can your ovaries stand it? [NY Daily News]
• The ex-wife of Jon Cryer (aka Duckie Dale) has been arrested for felony child neglect. [TMZ]
• Is Demi Moore going to the UK without Ashton Kutcher? Well that would mean a woman acting independently of her husband! Sound the alarm! [Mirror]
• "Carla Bruni: I feel pain when people criticise my husband... and mock my low-heeled shoes." [Daily Mail]
• Will Susan Boyle bail out of Britain's Got Talent? At this point, she could get a record deal without actually finishing the program. "The producers of the show are going to do everything in their power to make sure she is there on May 30," said a source close to the show. "Whatever Susan wants between now and then, she'll have." [MSNBC Scoop]
• This report says that network bosses will not get rid of Susan Boyle, despite the fears that she's not coping well with her new-found fame. [Mirror]
• Before he joined the cast of SNL, Andy Samberg worked as a writer for the MTV Movie Awards. So the fact that he's hosting Sunday's show means he's coming full circle, in a way. He says: "It's going to be action packed. There's going to be some surprises - nothing I can divulge, but it will involve celebrities. It's going to be great. There's going to be some pre-taped stuff, some digital shorts-style stuff, and a lot of fun collaborations." [AP]
• The rules for I'm A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here state that there is to be "no bullying, nonconsensual touching, racist or homophobic language, romantic advances (at least ones 'which are not desired or returned'), assault or sex in camp." Can Heidi and Spencer abide? [Gatecrasher]
• Four words: Bridget Jones The Musical. [NY Post]
• Is Disney being cheap with Miley Cyrus? She's getting "only" $5,000 for a week of work to guest star on The Suite Life On Deck. [TMZ]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin spent Memorial Day apart: She took the kids on a boat ride in North Carolina; he was seen in an upstate New York bar with two women. [People]
• Here's video of the Gossip Girl cast talking about various things; Blake Lively has been traveled through Asia on her break from the show and is halfway to getting certified for her scuba license. Penn Badgley went with her and grew a beard, saying, "I looked like a homeless person." [E!]
• The Jonas Brothers do not fight, says Nick Jonas. "We get along very well. I think it's just because we have a different kind of respect for one another, being in the band together. We consider each other as equals. There's no picking on the youngest, it's just not that way." Boo. Zzzzz. [Mirror]
• "Her sunglasses gleam. Her skin is scrubbed, her body pneumatic, her vast white teeth dazzling in the sunshine. Meeting Kruger is, in fact, an almost entirely predictable experience. She is pleasant and pretty and punctual […] She looks extraordinary on screen, but disarmingly normal face-to-face. She is not alienatingly gorgeous […] bland, malleable beauty […]" — from a profile on Diane Kruger. [Guardian]
• Lily Allen will have a cameo appearance in the Aussie soap Neighbors. [Independent]
• Cate Blanchett's Sydney Theatre Company is thankful to Tom Stoppard, whose play Rock and Roll sold the largest number of tickets over the last 12 months. [Telegraph]
• So Mayim Bialik is the first celeb on What Not To Wear, but Stacy London and Clinton Kelly had some restrictions: the woman formerly known as Blossom doesn't wear pants or leather. [People]
• Sherri Shepherd will be taking WWE superstar wrestler Montel Vontavious Porter (MVP) to the prom. No, really. [Page Six]
• Dr. Dre appears in a Dr. Pepper ad, and so do eight seconds of his new, long-awaited album, Detox. [LA Times, Reuters]
• Comedian Zach Galifianakis gets a lot of big-screen time in The Hangover, which could make him into a movie star. [WSJ]
• NBC CEO Jeff Zucker says Seinfeld would not make it on TV today, since shows have less time to mature. [CBS News]
• An Australian woman was sentenced to more than two years in prison today for stalking American Idol's Diana DeGarmo over the Internet. [AP]
• Amy Adams will star in Leap, about a very detail-oriented woman who plans to propose to her boyfriend on Leap Day — "and things sort of go off course with the help of a very handsome, roguish Irishman." Matthew Goode is her co-star. [USA Today]
• Break out the jazz flute: Will Ferrell's in talks to do an Anchorman sequel. [NY Daily News]
• Emily Mortimer has purchased a house in Amagansett, Long Island. [Daily Express]
• Chris Martin has lost his voice and Coldplay had to cancel a show in Saratoga Springs, NY. [The Sun]
• Steve Martin's banjo music CD means the actor is on the U.S. pop album chart for the first time since 1981. [Reuters]
• Lucy Gordon, the Spider-Man 3 actress who was found dead in her paris apartment last week, apparently hanged herself, two days before her 29th birthday. She had just finished filming her role as British model-actress Jane Birkin in the biopic of Serge Gainsbourg when she died. [People]
• Phil Spector will be sentenced today. [UPI]
• The Rockabye Baby! CD has hits by Nirvana, Queen, AC/DC, Bob Marley and Pink Floyd — done in lullaby version. With the lights out, it's less dangerous? [The Sun]
• Blind item: "Which former newscaster was so drunk at a recent fete that she could barely remember her own name, never mind what day it was?" [Gatecrasher]
• "There are people who take the quest for youth too far. Madonna – she's from the show-off brigade. She makes my skin crawl. I call her desperate. I know she's got a wonderful willpower and beauty regime but talk about the ‘me' generation wrapped up in one! I think as you get older, you get the face you deserve. I'm hoping that good habits will get me through." — former Dynasty actress Stephanie Beacham. [Daily Express]
• "I tried really hard not to be who I am. I tried super hard. It was a difficult journey for me to come to terms and be whole and happy with who I am." — Kelly McGillis, who says coming out as a lesbian has not been easy, either. [People]
• "It is sad that Linda Hogan continues to attempt to throw her family under the bus to gain publicity. In terms of the ongoing divorce suit, Hulk Hogan and his legal team would gladly take Linda up on her offer to submit to a legally supervised drug test and certainly Terry would do the same. We believe the results would speak for themselves and reveal that Linda's idea of a good time would definitely not be appropriate for Mass or a family restaurant." — An attorney for Hulk Hogan. [Perez]
• "The Tonight Show means everything to me. I'll have good moments and bad, but I'll keep coming at it. At 4 a.m., I do wake up sometimes and go, 'Oh my God, it's The Tonight Show. But nothing funny comes out of reverence. I'll take care of this franchise. The key is to put aside the fear and say, 'Let's just make some people laugh.'" — Conan O'Brien, who plans to host the show "Until I'm 160, because there will be medical advancements. Fallon will take over for me when I retire at 108 to travel with my family. But it won't be Jimmy, it'll be his brain in a jar." [USA Today]
• "As I look around my friends' Tweets I see banality on all sides. I think if people were able to take these 140 characters (allowed in each post) and develop a poetic Western form - a haiku of our own in which all human existence could be compressed into those 140 characters - that would be a satisfying thing, but that's not what I see when I read them." — Hugh Laurie on Twitter. [MSNBC]
• "Tattoos are sexy. I love my name on a woman; it lets me know I'm serious" — Tyrese Gibson to InStyle. [Page Six]
• "I really want to work with Madonna. It doesn't seem a likely pairing, maybe, but I just think that she is so creative and has such vision." — Adam "Glambert" Lambert. [Mirror]

• Amy Winehouse was hospitalized for dehydration after she "fainted after being out in the sun and without drinking water. She has been taking part in a lot of activities which also played a part."[TheSun]

• In a bit of good news for the singer, however, Amy has won a high-court harassment injunction that forces paparazzi to stay at least 100 meters from her home. [Guardian]
• "I do really intellectually highbrow stuff in my downtime. I read first-edition Shakespeare. I write poetry. I'm trying to get my masters in neuroscience. That's the kind of guy I am...man, I don't even know what a masters is."-Robert Pattinson[Guardian]
• Meanwhile, Jay Leno admits that his hospitalization was for exhaustion. "That's like a rich person's condition. Poor people that work – they don't get exhausted," Leno says, "Only rich people get exhausted. It's an embarrassing thing." [People]
• "Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds." -Shia LaBeouf[ Star]
• Is Lauren Conrad coming back to The Hills? "She kind of realized, especially in this economy, there's not much else out there for her," says a source, "What else can she do that would earn as much?" Also returning to the Hills, my Laguna Beach favorite, Kristin Cavallari.[PageSix]
• Bristol Palin is reportedly still trying to "control" her ex, Levi Johnston. "What Bristol is doing amounts to emotional blackmail," says a source, "She no longer wants Levi in her life and is threatening to have him cut out of their newborn son Tripp's life." [NationalEnquirer]
• "I get to travel and go to London and Paris, while this person sits by the computer writing mean things about me. I'd rather be the one traveling."-Miley Cyrus on Perez Hilton. [ShowbizSpy]
• Sadness! 120 Minutes host Matt Pinfield has checked himself into rehab. "I've been struggling with a dependency that I need to address," Pinfield says, "I want to have a life, I don't want to be a statistic . . . It's the fight of my life, but you know what, I'm gonna win." [PageSix]
• Cindy Crawford's husband, Rande Gerber is being sued by two former employees, who claim that Gerber sexually harassed them while they worked as waitresses at the Moonstone Lounge, a part of the Hard Rock Hotel of San Diego. Gerber's rep denies the allegations: "These allegations were previously investigated and shown to be baseless. This lawsuit has no merit." [E!]
• Ouch: Scarlett Johansson's directorial debut was cut from the upcoming New York, I Love You for being "unwatchable." [PageSix]
• John Mayer's new romance is apparently over already; a rep for the singer claims that Mayer and Scheana Marie are "no longer in contact. She's been exaggerating her interactions with him." [E!]
• Oh, snap! Lily Allen was rejected when she tried to give a friendly hello kiss to Joan Collins. "Omg , was just introduced to joan collins, shook her hand and went to kiss her on the cheek," Lily wrote on her Twitter page. Apparently Joan's response was "I don't kiss people I don't know." Nobody messes with Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan! [TheSun]
• Lady Gaga has a new boyfriend, and his name is Speedy. [TheSun]
• "The reason I am in Los Angeles is that I'm making a television show that I can be proud of. One of my principle goals in life is to avoid embarrassing my children by doing what I do. And I think I've just about managed that."-Hugh Laurie [DailyMail]
• Casey Aldrige the father of Jamie Lynn Spears' baby, has been released from the hospital after sustaining injuries from a car accident. [People]
• Brigitte Bardot is speaking out against the slaughter of Egyptian pigs, a precautionary move meant to stop the potential spread of swine flu: "Taking advantage of the global hysteria over the propagation of 'Mexican' flu, which has nothing to do with animals, in order to launch a campaign to exterminate pigs raised by a destitute section of the population is extremely cowardly," Bardot says. [TimesOnline]
• A bouncer claims that Jon Gosselin is always on his best behavior when out with friends at a club: "He always has his wedding band on," the bouncer says, "He talks about his kids all the time. He loves his family." [People]
• PETA has backed out of a deal with Michael Vick, as the organization believes he's still not sorry for his crime: "Our No. 1 goal at PETA is to prevent cruelty to animals," says PETA's Dan Shannon, "I believe a genuine, contrite Michael Vick could convince people not to get involved in dog fighting. What we don't believe at this point is that there is a contrite, remorseful Michael Vick. At this point, it looks like there's zero chance." [AdAge]
• Kate Winslet on confronting the mean girls in her life: "I was shopping with my mum and we walked into a department store and I saw this girl behind the make-up counter who had been the ringleader of the mean girls at school. I walked up to her and said: 'Hello, how are you?' She said 'Oh fine, how are you?', a bit panicky because she remembered how much of a bitch she'd been and suddenly I was a bit well-known and she was very embarrassed. And I said:'So, working at a make-up counter, then?' This girl was going to be a model and her dad was going to buy her a car if she grew her fingernails. I said: 'Don't you want to be a model or a dancer?' She: 'No, I'm just waiting for, um, y'know a couple of contracts to come in and am doing this for the time being' and then she said: 'Things good for you then?' and I said: 'Yeah, they are - and I want to say thanks for being such a bitch 'cos you made me much, much stronger, so thanks a lot,' and walked off! And I thought: 'Yeeees! Come on!'"[DailyMail]

• Jamie Foxx apologized on the Tonight Show for his statements about Miley Cyrus (he called her a "little white bitch" and suggested she should "go catch chlamydia from a bicycle seat"), telling Jay Leno:

"I am a comedian, and you guys know that whatever I say, I don't mean any of it. And sometimes, as comedians, as we do, we go a little bit too far. I have a radio show...We're really the black Howard Stern. We go at everybody. There was a situation with Miley Cyrus, and I just want to say, I apologize for what I said. I didn't mean it maliciously. You know I'm a comedian. You know my heart. Miley, I apologize, so I'll call you. I got a daughter too, so I completely understand." [E!]

• Miley's dad Billy Ray Cyrus thought Jamie Foxx's radio show comments were out of line, in case you were wondering. [E!]
• By the way: The 19-year-old hacker who broke into Miley Cyrus' MySpace last year is "very stressed" and in hiding. [E!]
• Another day, another Britney rumor; this time, it's that she's engaged to a 40-year-old real estate developer named John Sundahl. A source says the dude "got down on one knee in a Subway sandwich shop in Santa Monica" and offered Brit "a $4.5 million marquise-cut diamond." [Gatecrasher]
• Uh-oh, Britney's Circus tour might be a victim of the craptastic economy! She was supposed to add dates in Europe and Australia, but the outlook is now rather grim. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan on her Funny Or Die video: "I just think it's better to take something negative and turn it into something good... laughter is the BEST medicine." The video's director, Eric Appel, says: "She came up with the stuff about being a threat to all security guards — she improvised while doing it. She threw in a bunch of fun, funny stuff. People forget Lindsay Lohan's, like, a good actress." Wanna know why? Because we so rarely see her ACTING. [Us Magazine]
• Madonna's former nanny is still spilling deets about her time with her Madgesty! She says: "We weren't allowed to take any photographs of the family. We were given 'nanny cameras' so we could take photos of the children during their activities but when we got home we had to hand them in. The photographs were taken off and stored on Madonna's hard drive." [Daily Express]
• For crying out loud: Spencer Pratt wants a political career. He says: "Don't know if I'll be getting elected any time in the next century or so, but definitely going after mayor of L.A. and at least governor." [Us Mag via Pop Sugar]
• Is there another baby on the way for Heidi Klum? [MSNBC Scoop]
• When actors ask for money during a recession, they risk getting killed off. See: Edie of Desperate Housewives. Will Katherine Heigl's character on Grey's face the same fate? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Boo: The auction of Michael Jackson's stuff was called off yesterday; Jackson and the auction house reached a settlement. [AP]
• Mariah Carey has a Twitter, where she says things like "I gained a few pounds… My trainers back living w/me again..yippie." [E!]
• Oh. God. Mariah is covering Foreigner's "I Want To Know What Love Is." [Page Six]
• The 24-year-old Russian pop singer claiming to be the "mystery girl" to blame for the end of Mel Gibson's marriage is named Oksana Pochepa. She was seen "frolicking" with Mel on the beach earlier this year, and from the looks of these pictures she is not shy about her body. She says her relationship with Mel "is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting." Good luck! [The Sun]
• Speaking of Mel Gibson, the writer of Passion Of The Christ thinks Mel owes him money. [TMZ]
• Stephen Colbert is heading to Iraq to entertain the troops! [Page Six]
• Zac Efron might star in a film based on classic animated TV show Jonny Quest, even though Jonny was 11 years old. In talks to play Race Bannon, the brawny dude from the show? Dwyane "The Rock" Johnson. [LA Times]
• This Twilight "news" sounds juicy but actually isn't: Kristen Stewart's boyfriend Michael is "really insecure" when it comes to Robert Pattinson. A source says: "Everywhere [Kristen] goes, [Michael] now wants to go too. He's extremely jealous. And let's just say he's been trying to be up in Vancouver a lot lately." Which leaves Robert by himself, poor thing. [E!]
• William Hurt to Marlee Matlin: "My own recollection is that we both apologized and both did a great deal to heal our lives. Of course, I did and do apologize for any pain I caused. And I know we have both grown. I wish Marlee and her family nothing but good." She has said that he was violent when they were together; she told Access Hollywood: "I always had fresh bruises every day. And if I had a split lip, or if...I mean, there were a lot of things that happened that were not pleasant…I was always afraid...of him, but I loved him. Or maybe I thought I did. But look, I was 19, he was 35." [E!]
• The lady accused of having an affair with Bruce Springsteen wanted the details of her divorce to be private; the judge said no way. [NY Post]
• Wow, does David Letterman really hate Jay Leno? Apparently Jay wrote him a letter after his open-heart surgery and Dave did not respond. GQ calls this "heartless." [New York Mag]
• You guys: The show hasn't started yet but one of the Real Housewives Of New Jersey is pregnant. [People]
• The folks at ONTD are calling Johnathon Schaech's blog "The Saddest Blog Of The Year." [ONTD]
• Survivor star Richard Hatch wants to live in Argentina after he's released from prison for tax evasion; a federal judge said no fucking way. [USA Today]
• An arrest warrant was issued for model Angie Everhart, but she has paid a fine and her lawyer says it was a misunderstanding. [RadarOnline]
• Law & Order : SVU has been renewed for an 11th season, but it's not clear whether stars Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay will return. How can the show move on without them? [LA Times]
• Words I never ever thought I would type: Apple's Steve Wozniak will walk Dancing With The Stars' Karina Smirnoff down the aisle at her wedding to Maksim Chmerkovskiy. [Page Six]
• Private Practice star Kate Walsh filed amended divorce papers on Monday; she doesn't want her estranged hubs to get spousal support. [ET]
• Blind item! "Which singer/talk show hostess should be more careful where she shops? She was taken recently to a downtown storage facility where she bought $10,000 worth of luxury designer goods of dubious provenance — not fake, but fallen off the truck." [Page Six]
• "The girls were out of control-they were doing drugs and they were making out and they were coming on to us in a big way. They might have been 15 or 16, but in their heads they were already 40. I don't think there was a virgin on the set, except maybe a couple of the guys." — says Gerald V. Casale, of DEVO, reminiscing on playing the "New Wave Bat Mitzvah" on '80s sitcom Square Pegs. He also says he did coke with Jami Gertz and Sarah Jessica Parker in the talent trailers. [Heeb]
• "See, I don't think of myself as funny. I think of myself as rather grave, actually. And I'm suspicious of fun. I never quite know what that is or how to deal with it or how to generate it. That's my fault. I know it's a burden on the people I'm with. It's tiresome." — Hugh Laurie. [Mirror]
• "I'm in love with Angelina Jolie. Everything she does, I adore. I'd like to do an action film where I could kick someone's ass. I want to be strong and empowered. I want to shock everybody. [I have] really strong legs. I inherited them from my dad, who has tree stumps for legs, basically. I've got big calves that look good. When I wear heels, it looks like I've worked out my legs a lot, which is why I love them. I also have a big, big big toe. I call it my goat toe. I can climb anything." — Vanessa Hudgens. [Ok!]
• "I will donate 100K to one individual's favorite non profit organization.Of course,you must convince me why by using 140 characters or less." — Hugh Jackman, on Twitter, encouraging people to Tweet their suggestions. [Telegraph]
• "How long do you think the whole Internet thing is gonna last? Are people gonna get sick of that in five, 10 years, maybe? They [my kids] won't get to be, like, 15, 16, typing in, like, the word 'Fuck' and their father's name - a kid wouldn't do that, right? This just completely undermines all parental authority I would ever have." — Ben Affleck, worried that the "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" skit he did with Jimmy Kimmel will be seen by his kids someday. [Daily Express]
• "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife… I totally understand OJ. I get it." — Hulk Hogan. [Page Six]
• "My friend hypnotised me before I started rehearsals to have a real open mind. I was getting a bit nervous. My anxiety was getting to me. I was hypnotised to calm me down and it worked." — Mel B, on getting ready for her racy peepshow in Las Vegas. [Daily Express]
• "I said, 'Look I'm going to call out the elephant in the room. I've never done a part like this. I sound like a girl from the San Fernando Valley. I have nothing in my arsenal to prove to you I'm capable of doing this.'" — Drew Barrymore, on her casting meeting for Grey Gardens. [LA Times]
• This is my first action movie, and I love every minute of it. I have a wonderful role, named Virginia. I wish I could tell you more about who I am, but I had to sign a confidentiality agreement. And I'm a trading card, too! I said, 'Oh my God, I have to be the oldest female-action-figure trading card.' And it's a very odd child who will ask for my card." — Jane Alexander, 69, who is in Terminator: Salvation as well as the play Chasing Mamet. [NY Mag]
• "I WAS WORKING ON THIS DOPE ASS SONG WITH JARED AND BRANDON STOPPED BY. I PLAYED THEM SOME OF THE NEW JEEZY BEATS AND BEFORE EVERYBODY BOUNCED BRANDON HOPPED ON THE KEYBOARD AND I HOPPED ON THE MPC. SHIT WAS DOPE. OH AND YES THOSE ARE SWAROVSKI CRYSTALS ON BRANDON'S SHIRT BY DRIES VAN NOTEN." — Your Friend Kanye West, who is talking about Jared Leto and Brandon Flowers. Pic at the link! [Kanye UniverseCity]

• A source claims that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are still talking after their breakup late last week, but that Sam has "begged Lindsay to get help." Lohan is reportedly "heartbroken" over the split. [People]

• "Lindsay, despite appearances, is insecure and has relied on Samantha and their relationship to build her up," says a friend, "Lindsay barely sleeps, which explains a lot of her behavior. She's exhausted. She can't even sit down for a minute without pacing around the room. It's really sad." [People]
• Ronson also reportedly gave Lindsay a shout-out at a recent DJ gig, followed by "na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye." That was way harsh, Tai. [ONTD]
• Sorry ladies: Roger Federer has married his longtime girlfriend Miroslava "Mirka" Vavrinec. Federer confirmed the marriage with this post on his blog: "Earlier today, in my hometown of Basel, surrounded by a small group of close friends and family, Mirka and I got married. It was a beautiful spring day and an incredibly joyous occasion. Mr. and Mrs. Roger Federer wish all of you a Happy Easter weekend." [People]
• "Vanessa thinks Daniel Craig is the hot Hollywood hunk. But I also have a man-crush on Daniel Craig - he's just so cool.So I'll let her have that one. She's also hot for Ryan Gosling. She has a list."-Zac Efron [ShowbizSpy]
• Audrina Patridge says she hasn't gotten any plastic surgery: "People think I've got my nose done, my chin done. I just laugh at it. I'm just losing my baby fat - everyone grows up and changes." [DailyExpress]
• The Presidential Puppy will arrive at the White House on Tuesday; the Obamas have decided on a Portuguese Water Dog from a Texas kennel. [USWeekly]
• "I can see why Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse go nutty. All the attention I've been getting lately is surreal, and invasive, intrusive and weird. Whenever I open my door there are people with cameras outside. I'm trapped in my own home."-Lily Allen [ShowbizSpy]
• The French are apparently going mad over Hugh Laurie. The Guardian claims a French magazine "gushed" that "with Hugh Laurie, you don't sleep, you laugh. With Hugh Laurie ... you are moved ... It's the year of Hugh Laurie or it's no one's year at all. And, for now, there isn't the slightest sign of France overdosing." [Guardian]
• Lady GaGa has canceled plans to release her next single, which includes the line "I want to take a ride on your disco stick," because the song is "too rude" for release. [TheSun]
• Suri Cruise is reportedly going to start Scientology "training" this week. "The children have a lot of responsibilities from a very young age," a source says of the school, which was started last year by Will Smith "The school is particularly strict about nutrition, demanding a low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet. Katie is understandably a little anxious about being separated from Suri." [DailyMail]
• Justin Timberlake and Lupe Fiasco are going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro this fall for charity. Is there anything Justin Timberlake can't do? Seriously? [DailyExpress]
• Get ready for more Miley Cyrus, as the Hannah Montana movie won the weekend box office with a debut of 17.4 million. [EW]
• Blind Item:"This C list movie actress who came into her A list name recognition through a hit television show no longer on the air has always thought very highly of herself. But this is ridiculous, and shows you what an idiot she is. When she sees a homeless person on the street asking for money she stops and gives them her autograph and tells them to sell it on e-bay. I assume she thinks all homeless people have some type of wireless laptop they carry around with them and a way to collect the money." [BlindGossip]
• A giant bunny showed up at my house last night and left an enormous basket filled with chocolate marshmallow bunnies, various forms of delightful candy eggs, and delicious Starburst jellybeans. If you see this bunny, please thank him for me. And also ask him to consider making this basket o'candy thing a daily surprise, because it is AWESOME.

• Lindsay Lohan continued her post-breakup bender by hitting three clubs last night and throwing eggs at X17 photographers. [Us]

• As for Samantha Ronson, while her family has been publicly insulting Lindsay, she wants to take the high road. "Sam broke up with Lindsay, but it doesn't mean she hates her or wants to see her hurt any worse than she is," says a source. "She is over Lindsay and over all the drama, but still, she refuses to trash-talk her. She just wants to walk away gracefully." [People]
• Billy Bob Thornton is refusing to apologize for his immature behavior during a Canadian radio interview. He said he's only sorry for saying that playing for Canadian audiences was like "mashed potatoes without the gravy" because he meant to diss the interviewer, not all Canadians. [TMZ]
• Billy Bob Thornton is so passionate about not using his acting fame to promote his band that it states in his rider that the band should be credited as "Billy Bob Thornton And Special Guests The Boxmasters" [The Smoking Gun]
• A judge has ruled that Redmond O'Neal violated his probation and may be sentenced to three years in state prison. He was ordered to remain in court without bail until he is sentenced on April 17. [E!, People]
• Marc Jacobs kept Lil' Kim in high spirits during her 10 month prison stay. "He's one of my best friends and was actually a huge supporter when I was in prison," she said. "He wrote me every week! "I decided to buy a coloring book – I'm a huge Bratz fan – and I painted the Bratz and made them all wear Marc Jacobs, and sent it to him. He blew it up and framed it, and now it's hanging in his house. So Marc Jacobs is the best." [Style List]
• Check out Beyonce's new video for "Halo" in which she makes out with Halle Berry's ex, Michael Ealy. [The Sun]
• Debra Opri, the lawyer who helped Larry Birkhead win custody of his daughter with Anna Nicole Smith says that he never paid her, so now she's taking him to court. [Anna Nicole and Howard Stern.com]
• David Caruso is responding to claims by the mother of his two children that he is refusing to give her the $1 million that he promised her. His rep says: "Last month David became concerned about the welfare of his children and sought court assistance to redefine David's and Liza's custodial schedules. It now appears that Liza has decided to retaliate by raising false claims against David, which David finds unfortunate since these claims will divert the parties' and the court's attention away from the best interests of the children." [Radar Online]
• The film version of Tom Wolfe's The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test will hit theaters in 2010. [Rolling Stone]
• Lily Allen was supposed to chat with fans at a meet and greet after her show in Denver last night but she was too wasted. [Perez Hilton]
• Eighteen thousand Taipei Oasis fans got so excited to see the band that they made the walls of the venue rattle throughout the show. Noel Gallagher blogged: "So that was a bit mad. 18,000 people. Upstairs. On the 2nd floor of a huge exhibition centre. You could feel the building shake during Rock 'N' Roll Star. Scary fun." [The Daily Express]
• Lo Bosworth says "everything is fine" between Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag, but "the next few episodes will be a bit of back and forth." It's almost as if the producers want the girls to continue fighting! [People]
• Matthew Perry is not appearing on the series finale of Lost. It's just another rumor concocted to drive fans nuts. [L.A. Times]
• At a concert over the weekend Katy Perry changed the lyrics to "You're So Gay," to: "I'm so mean 'cause I cannot get you out of your head. I'm so angry 'cause you'd rather Twitter instead. I can't believe I fell in John Mayer!" [Perez Hilton]
• Katy Perry said they tabloids exaggerated when they said she and Rihanna bonded after the Chris Brown assault. "I don't think I really, like, reached out to her," Perry said. "We've hung out a couple times. ... Of course I consider her a friend, but it's not like 'I'm there,' making a big deal of it, because I feel weird about that type of stuff. I'm trying to always be there for my friends. She's a really cool chick. I love her style. ... She's one of those unaffected people." [MTV]
• The French translation of a novel Hugh Laurie wrote in 1996, The Gun Seller was number one on France's best seller list last month. [UPI]
• In a statement to fans, Billy Corgan says he's still going to perform under the name The Smashing Pumpkins, even though three quarters of the original band members are no longer with the group. He says: "The simple answer is that when I decided to write and record again under the name the Smashing Pumpkins in 2005, I committed myself 100 pct. 100pct of my mind-body-soul to come back and make the band really be great again, and I feel in tune to SP in a way I haven't felt in tune probably since 1995 or 1996. As they say in No Limit Poker, I'm ‘all in'. I'm not going to back out of the challenge in front of me now." [Rolling Stone]
• In an interview about his movie 17 Again which is supposed to be his transition to adult roles, Zac Efron got flustered and told the interviewer, "I'm trying to figure out what you want me to say. What do you want me to say?" [USA Weekend]
• Sigourney Weaver isn't sure if she filed her taxes or not. "This year I worked in so many different countries, I'm not sure they're all done. You have to file different files when you work in different countries. I'm not quite sure how all that happens," she said. [New York Magazine]
• In this interview, Dan Aykroyd explains what's going on with the Ghostbusters video game and the third installment of the movie. He says the animation in the game looks like that in The Incredibles and Sigourney Weaver won't participate in the video game, but has agreed to be in Ghostbusters III. [Newsweek]

Directed by Rob Letterman and Conrad Vernon, the film tells the story of Susan (Reese Witherspoon), a Californian bride who gets hit in the head by a meteor on the day she's supposed to marry her self-important fiance, Derek (Paul Rudd). Susan grows 50 feet tall and the military takes her to a detention center for monsters. While there she meets B.O.B. (Seth Rogen), a gelatinous blue blob; Dr. Cockroach (Hugh Laurie), who is half-insect, half-mad scientist; and Missing Link (Will Arnett), the part fish, part human. When the evil alien Galaxhar (Rainn Wilson) threatens Earth, General W.R. Monger (Kiefer Sutherland) convinces the President (Stephen Colbert) that the monsters should be released, as they are the only ones who can save the planet from cartoon doom.

From now on, DreamWorks Animation says it is only going to movies designed for 3-D. Monsters vs. Aliens is supposed to prove that the format can work as a story telling device rather than just a gimmick during Super Bowl commercials. With its stereotypical themes of outcasts saving the day and a bit of girl empowerment, it's not clear that they succeeded. While the critics found the jokes moderately amusing and most of the voice acting solid, when the film is viewed in 2-D, without anything being hurled at the screen, the story unoriginal. Below, we size up what the critics are saying about Monsters vs. Aliens.

Slate

Not to let any unnecessary ideology creep into a review of a fun animated movie, but let's get this out of the way up front: Monsters vs. Aliens is a film for children with a female lead. She is not the love interest, or the helpmate, or the mom. Nor is she a princess, or princesslike. She does not marry a prince or a prince-manqué. She does not marry at all. She tries to get married, but she is struck by a meteor on her wedding day (typical!), which transforms her into an unmarriageable, world-saving, 49-foot-11-inch superfreak and-thank you, O bountiful movie gods-a Strong Female Protagonist. (Or, as my more skeptical viewing companion put it, "a strong female protagonist who just happens to be ultra-skinny with big boobs and a pneumatic butt, and who sometimes wears a catsuit." Touché.)

The Los Angeles Times

The dialogue has its share of the sly grown-up/cultural references that have become de rigueur for DreamWorks projects, designed to make sure the adults in the audience don't fidget, but there aren't enough of them to push this into full-fledged comedy mode. Which means it's up to the action/thriller elements to power the film, and they are never quite bold enough.

So it comes down to the story and the voice actors to carry the day, and they have their moments — particularly the monster crew led by a feisty Witherspoon, who brings some of the edgy-fun of her Election mean-girl to Susan as she grows stronger.

Baltimore Sun

The best running gag comes when BOB falls in love with a Jell-O mold. The mold has more shape and structure than anything else about the movie. Rogen gives a textbook demonstration of the unlikely power a juicy voice performance can provide to a gelatinous mass. Yet, amazingly, in a cast that also includes Stephen Colbert as a reputation-conscious president and Kiefer Sutherland as a monster-wrangling general (with the joke name W.R. Monger), no one else stands out or steps up the way Rogen does.

The Boston Globe

The bright, enthusiastic performances from Rogen, Witherspoon, Laurie, et al., put Monsters vs. Aliens over, not the dialogue that trundles along a well-worn family movie rut. Rudd displays none of his sneaky charm as the fiance - turns out you need to see this actor to get the joke - and the same goes for Stephen Colbert as the US president, who's drawn much funnier than he sounds, like a Mort Drucker caricature in a vintage '60s Mad magazine. In general, though, the animation isn't terribly impressive if you take away the 3-D; the monsters are fetchingly bizarre, but all the women look like Bratz dolls.

Reel Views

Monsters vs. Aliens, one of the 2009 big movies designed to highlight where 3D could transport audiences, is an example of technology run amok. With a slight, light screenplay that required five credited writers, the film tells an unimaginative story about an alien invasion of Earth that is foiled by "monsters." Of course, they're not really monsters. They're just misunderstood. But since they're in the 3D, we're too busy watching whizzing comet fragments fly out of the screen to care about things like plot or character development. It's a good thing, too, because anyone on the lookout for those elements may be a little disappointed.

NPR

Here, directors Rob Letterman and Conrad Vernon push so hard for three-dimensionality - and they're so reliant on it - that they basically have their animators putting sightlines before storylines; they set up practically every scene so that something in it can be sent careening at your head. After a while, you can see the setups happening - and once you do, the careening gets predictable. Which gets old, really fast.

The A. V. Club

On some level, the latest DreamWorks CGI project isn't a movie so much as a gag-delivery system wrapped in special effects. The story is crammed with incident, yet completely trifling; there are a ton of personalities, but no real characters. It zips along at hyperspeed, alternating jokes, explosions, and videogame-ready action segments, but never comes to rest long enough to make an impression. It's available in some markets in 3D, but regardless of presentation, it's strictly two-dimensional.

• Lindsay Lohan a liar? In the latest issue of Nylon, LL says she's hoping to work with Seth Rogen but "Seth won't call us back." Rogen says:

"That's not true — I never got a call from anyone that works for her." [The Star]

• More Lindsay Lohan drama: A source says she "is spending like crazy" and is living on credit right now. And most of the cash she spends? It's Samantha's. [Gatecrasher]
• Sad face! Agyness Deyn and Albert Hammond Jr. broke up. [NY Mag]
• Has Madonna dumped Jesus Luz? [Just Jared]
• This report says Jesus recently said: "Madonna has an amazing body, is a sexy, kind person and a great mother. The difference in our ages means nothing. She looks like a 30-year-old and has a youthful personality to go with it. I love her and nothing else matters." Which sounds like they are not broken up. [PopDirt]
• By the by, Madonna's nanny gave notice, then her Madgesty told her to leave, immediately. [Daily Mail]
• This paper claims that Guy Ritchie has a black eye, but the photographic evidence is sketchy. [The Sun]
• Jade Goody, dental assistant turned reality-TV star, died Sunday at the age of 27. [AP, NY Times]
• The Jade Goody farewell will be planned by her family. [Mirror]
• Jade Goody leaves behind £4 million for her sons. [Telegraph]
• Amy Winehouse's label isn't thrilled with her new music; they were expecting her "trademark vintage soul" sound and she is now "heavily influenced by reggae," naturally. [The Sun]
• "Bruce Willis Ties Knot With Underwear Model" means he married a woman who has posed for Victoria's Secret. The ceremony took place at Parrot Bay in the Turks & Caicos. [Breitbart, Yahoo via AP]
• Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher and Rumer, Scout and Tallulah attended the wedding. [Star]
• Yes, Ashton Kutcher Twittered a picture of Demi Moore's ass — taken while she was steaming his suit (maybe for the wedding?) Yes, she knew about it. No, I don't know why people are so interested. Like they have never seen a woman bending over before. [Defamer]
• Michael Jackson wants to adopt a kid. No comment. [Gatecrasher]
• Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are engaged; he decided to put a ring on it. [NY Post, Daily Mail]
• Katie Holmes "played babysitter" for Cruz and Romeo Beckham, taking them — and Suri — out around L.A. over the weekend. [Daily Mail]
• A wake was held for Natasha Richardson on Saturday in Manhattan. [Star]
• Natasha Richardson's funeral was held late Sunday afternoon in upstate New York. [E!, USA Today]
• Another picture from the forthcoming Where The Wild Things Are flick can be found here. Guess what? The kid who plays Max is named Max. [USA Today]
• Winnie Cooper is married, you guys. Danica McKellar got hitched in La Jolla, CA this weekend. [ET]
• Here's everything you want to know about Annie Leibovitz's money troubles — which may have nothing to do with same-sex marriage after all. [Page Six]
• Whoa: Katy Perry is dating Josh Groban? I kissed a (singer who makes people want to) hurl! [Perez]
• Honestly, it is sort of shocking that Knowing topped the box office, with $6 million more than I Love You, Man, since there were no early reviews and Nicolas Cage did zero publicity and Paul Rudd worked overtime. But Knowing is PG-13 and ILYM is rated R, so maybe families went to see Cage? [Breitbart]
• Like House? Like spoilers? This link pretty much tells you who is going to die. [NY Mag]
• Remember that Jennifer Aniston movie, The Baster? This casting call is looking for a "heavy set woman" and a "woman with a round face, small eyes, and upturned nose" to have profanities shouted at them in a scene. Fun? [TMZ]
• Johnny Depp topped a list of stars people would most like to share a candlelit dinner with. [The Star]
• Prince Harry will have lunch with the soldier he called a racial slur. [Telegraph]
• Are you ready for this image-shattering picture of 18-year-old Emma Roberts in the new GQ — in which she is wearing a tanktop and no bra? [Just Jared]
• Hilary Duff is back on TV: First she landed a guest spot on Ghost Whisperer; now she's gonna be on Law & Order: SVU. [E!]
• Speaking of L&O, Mariska Hargitay is headed back to work after a three-week absence. [People]
• Justin Guarini says American Idol sorta sucks: "Every single year, we cannot stand the group performances. I know they can't stand it either. And I think what makes [the group performances] even worse now is that they're lip-synced. They're really prerecorded now." [E!]
• Metallica went on stage at South By Southwest, telling the audience they were a "young band from Norway." Are they still in therapy? [USA Today]
• Kanye West closed SXSW, saying "It feels so good to rock for you tonight." [AP]
• We heard Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green broke up; then we heard they were back together, now we're hearing that she has moved out and is staying in a hotel. Ah, l'amour. [E!]
• Congrats to Natasha Bedingfield, who got hitched in Malibu on Saturday. [E!]
• After the success of that video which is an internet hit, Ricky Gervais and Elmo are working on a show together! [The Sun]
• Flavor Flav turned 50 over the weekend?!?!?! [Hollywood Rag]
• John Mellencamp blogged about the record business for HuffPo. [Huffington Post]
• Jamie Lee Curtis blogged about the "Recession Diet." [HuffPo]
• M.I.A. will play Coachella on April 18. [NY Times]
• "John Cleese halves payout for ex-wife to £650,000 in first celebrity credit crunch divorce." [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which closeted TV icon enjoys "watersports" in his bedroom? His steady stream of gentleman callers are a little grossed out by it." [Gatecrasher]
• "I love writing for Dwight because he has one of the richest back stories of any of the characters. He is a farmer who is part Amish, who has war criminal relatives and who was involved in a secret love triangle — and has a nine-bedroom, possibly haunted hotel-farm. He has such a colorful past, and Rainn [Wilson] is such a gifted actor that it's like a great treasure map writing for his character… I think the Kelly character is fun to play because she's not a role model for anybody. Although I do sometimes believe my parents wish I played a cardiologist at Johns Hopkins." — Mindy Kaling, of The Office. [Washington Post]
• "To say that they like this movie would be like the crazy understatement of the world, 'cause they are crazy about it. They carry the characters around; they play in the morning with their action figures, so this is a really great experience to make a film for my kids that they love. There's not that many movies that have female superheroes in them so this was a great opportunity to not only be telling a great story of female empowerment but also create this awesome character." — Reese Witherspoon, on Monsters Vs. Aliens. [The Sun]
• "I'd probably have head-butted her new boyfriend, put her over my shoulder and run off." — Pete Doherty, on what he'd have done if he'd seen Kate Moss at his record label. [The Sun]
• "A few people have gone overboard. We have people come in to spray them. But there's a little Oompa-Loompa going on this season. It's not for me. I'm holding to the middle-age pasty-white-guy look." — Tom Bergeron, on the orange-ness on the contestants on Dancing With The Stars. [E!]
• "I love doing photo shoots. I mean, if I could just sign with IMG and do ad campaigns and model more, I'd do that… because that's fun for me. That's not work." — Lindsay Lohan, to Nylon. [Page Six]
• "A size zero? I've never heard of that. That didn't exist when I was growing up. When did that start? What does it mean?" — Heidi Klum. [Socialite Life]

• Jennifer Lopez attended the Latino Inaugural Gala on Sunday and said of Barack Obama: "He is the biggest star here, even though it's chock-full of celebrities." Well, yeah. [People]

• Aretha Franklin warmed up for the inauguration with a Martin Luther King Jr. Day concert. She's gonna bring it today. [AP]
• Brad Pitt is psyched today! He says of Barack Obama's inauguration: "It's a new era for us - it reconfirms the original ideals of America. We're very excited about what the future holds. You see people look invigorated at home rather than the cynicism for the last 10 years." [Mirror]
• Ellen Burstyn says: "If you're only going to do one inauguration in your life, this is the one." [USA Today]
• Moby is in D.C. for the festivities, especially since he loves MoveOn.org. Apparently he DJ'd a party and the power went out, but then "hope" brought it back on, or something. [Politico]
• Isaiah Washington was one of the many, many celebs at the Huffington Post party. The place where you could see John Cusack hop a barricade to kiss Marisa Tomei. Washington got "star struck" by meeting Christiane Amanpour. [Politico]
• The Root Ball had Oprah, Samuel L. Jackson, Spike Lee and Chris Tucker, among others. David Gregory was seen dancing to Biz Markie. [WaPo]
• Ben Affleck is in D.C. where he says he'll "camp out" to get good seats. [MSNBC]
• Also in town: Ron Howard, Tom Hanks, Tina Brown, Sharon Stone. [WaPo]
• Want to know where the celebs will be tonight? There's a rundown of the balls and which stars are expected here. [Page Six]
• Serena Williams is at the Australian Open, but is following the Obama news on TV. "This is an amazing moment for American history. Even yesterday, the United States being Martin Luther King's birthday. To have his birthday and Obama's presidency fall so close to each other… This morning, I was watching on the TV before I went out to play. I looked at my arm, and I practically had chill bumps." [AP]
• Quincy Jones, Grammy Award-winning producer and composer, is now a newspaper columnist. [Reuters]
• Remember Vogue's tabloidy December issue with Jennifer Aniston on the cover, and the line, "What Angelina did was very uncool"? The mag sold an estimated 465,000 single copies of the issue, outselling the December 2007 issue by nearly 65,000 copies. Anna Wintour knows what people want. [WWD]
• Paris Hilton is at Sundance, though she seems to have no interest in movies. Her sister, Nicky has been avoiding her, and Paris has been ditching her MTV BFF Brittany Flickinger for Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton swears her airhead image is just an act. "I'm a lot more serious and shy...and if I'm not out, having to be, you know, 'on', I'm at home just chilling and wearing sweat pants." Plus! She's totes an artist: "I have a room in my house where I paint. I've been offered an exhibition, which I might do next year." [The Sun]
• Maybe it's the Utah altitude? Paris was seen sucking face with MySpace CEO Chris DeWolfe at a Sundance party. [Gatecrasher]
• Lily Allen texted a nude picture to Ricky Wilson, the lead singer of the Kaiser Chiefs, by accident. A minute later Wilson got another text which read, "Sorry, wrong Ricky." Says Lily: "That was really embarrassing. I was completely topless." She claims she meant to send the snap to Rick Astley, yukyuk. [The Sun]
• In this video, Lily Allen talks about how she doesn't like how the world is so obsessed with celebrity culture, aesthetic beauty, money and consumerism. "And yet I'm a little pop star consumer," she muses. [Pop Dirt]
• Pete Doherty says of his buddy Amy Winehouse and her Caribbean vacation: "She had gone deeper and deeper into a black place. She needed a bright light. And that bright light turned out to be the sun." Profound! [ONTD]
• Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse has met a new fella in St. Lucia: A clean-cut tennis instructor. Love means zero! [The Sun]
• Amy's dad says: "Stories about my troubled daughter are selling newspapers and magazines. They don't want her to get better. But she is better. They didn't see her lying in bed for days in a dark room. She was close to death twice. We have been working a lot to get her to where she is right now." Liquored up in the Caribbean? Really? Guess it beats cracked out in Camdentown. Oh, and there's a documentary in the works, called Saving Amy. [Perez, People]
• SNL's Fred Armisen and Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss: It's on. The two were spotted canoodling. [Page Six]
• Hugh Laurie's Playboy interview touches on his house in Hollywood, depression, Facebook, his similarities to his character on House and the suicide pact he made when he was 15. [ONTD]
• Page Six has a bone to pick with Sean Penn. [Page Six]
• A one hour as-yet-untitled TV documentary about Spongebob Squarepants is in the works. That's right: Spongebob. [UPI]
• Meanwhile, Russell Simmons is working on Spongebob bling. [Gatecrasher]
• While filming the upcoming miniseries The Last Templar, Mira Sorvino broke five teeth trying to kiss Scott Foley on a speedboat. [Page Six]
• There's a hearing in the Roman Polanski case tomorrow, not that the director will be in the country. His lawyers are using information from the HBO documentary Wanted and Desired to try and get the case dismissed. [AP]
• Look for Kevin Kline, Paul Dano, Katie Holmes and John C. Reilly in The Extra Man, a comedy to begin filming in New York next month. [Variety]
• Aww, adorable pictures of Michael Stipe and his photographer boyfriend! [Perez]
• News you cannot use: Coolio has had crabs twice, and only once from a female. [The Sun]
• Jailed Boy George has been signing autographs for inmates who "demand" them. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which eccentric actor got his start in the biz by letting directors in where the sun don’t shine?" [Gatecrasher]
• James McAvoy hates overexposed Hollywood stars and thinks they're not thespians: "I just know so much about them. So how can I accept them in a role? There are just some people, they're not actors to me. They're chip paper. Just glossy paper. If I'm in a film, or a telly, or a play, then why should people come and see it? Because you know, they can just pick up some fucking rubbish magazine, and see me in that." [Daily Express]
• Olivia Newton-John says positive thinking helped her beat breast cancer: "I was terrified of chemotherapy, and nearly didn't have any. But my best friend Nancy reminded me that I had a little girl who needed me and that I had to take every chance I was given to beat the cancer. So rather than thinking about the toxins going through my body, I visualised a stream of pure gold. That night, instead of going to bed feeling lousy, I went to the cinema with Nancy." [Daily Mail]
• "I'm not so afraid of getting old, I'm more afraid of how I'll go. Fire and tight spaces don't appeal. A shark would be interesting." — Brad Pitt. [Reuters]
• "The one thing we have to offer, we are peddling joy with both hands. You come to our show and you will leave a happy camper. In a downturn, people need a few laughs. I know that sounds corny, and I can imagine some old-timer saying it. (But) I'm always happy to be uplifted when I go to a show. People look forward to it during the hard times. If they're looking forward to it, we got it." — Bette Midler on her Vegas stage show, The Showgirl Must Go On. [UPI]
• "[Antidepressants] are something I’ve tried that has helped. They’re probably good for my work because they help with confidence, and confidence is the prerequisite of all successful endeavors. But then again, as I said, I get suspicious if things start to feel too easy or comfortable, so that’s not a perfect solution either. Pharmaceuticals do raise the question of who we are as human beings. What are moods and feelings if we can change or even do away with them? Does that reduce the essence of who we are? Then again, I tend to overthink these things. I overthink everything, I think. But if your eyesight fails, it’s okay to wear glasses or contact lenses, is it not? If you feel cold, you put on a sweater. Is that changing the nature of who you are? No." — Hugh Laurie. [ONTD]
• "I didn’t go to acting school so I didn’t know that’s what I wanted to be. I came from a background of lawyers and academics and we just didn’t watch films in our household. I had no idea who Maggie Smith or Gary Oldman or any of these people were." — Emma Watson. [Daily Express]
• "I know the studio is gobsmacked by its success, and a lot of the critics have been surprised, but I wasn't. It was a no-brainer. I knew it would do well because it was aimed at an audience that has been neglected in recent years in film offerings - women. They are the last group anybody ever cares about." — Meryl Streep, on the commercial success of Mamma Mia, which has made almost $600 million worldwide. [Telegraph]

• Does Daniel Craig have a tattoo on his magic stick? He told Jay Leno: "I have a couple of tattoos where you’d see them. There’s another where you wouldn’t. It’s hidden away."

Jay said, "Is it one of those where it says OK and then it says Oklahoma?" And Craig answered, "Yeah, it says 'Welcome to Oklahoma.'" [The Sun]

• Speaking of tattoos, Amy Winehouse wants to get Blake's name removed from her chest. Love is a losing game. [Mirror]
• Holy crap, what will happen if Peaches Geldof checks into the same hotel in St. Lucia where Amy Winehouse is vacationing? [The Sun]
• Boo, Amy's "friend" is leaving the Caribbean. Amy's dad will fly to St. Lucia to comfort her. Oh! Amy allegedly told one paper: "When I’m with Josh I don’t need drugs to feel good because he makes me feel so amazing. I’ve finally escaped from hell. I’m in love again. Look at me, I’m glowing! We just had sex... can’t you tell?" [The Sun, News Of The World]
• Is Blake Fielder-Civil filing for divorce? [Daily Mail]
• Was Angelina Jolie's face pumped full of Botox at the Golden Globes last night? [Gatecrasher]
• Heath Ledger's father says the whole family is thrilled that the late actor won a Golden Globe: "We are overjoyed for him. It's wonderful." [People]
• Sean Penn refused to attend the Golden Globes because Milk was snubbed. [Fox 411]
• Hmm, Angelina and Brad were supposed to open the show and somehow Jennifer Lopez was their replacement? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Uh-oh: The male nanny who was caring for Jett Travolta is a Scientologist photographer with no known childcare qualifications. [The Sun]
• This video supposedly shows a man falling off of a balcony and Pete Doherty fleeing the scene. [Daily Express]
• Prince Harry has apologized for the racist remarks he made on video 3 years ago; in the picture accompanying this story he certainly looks contrite. [USA Today]
• A Muslim leader calls Prince Harry's slur "sickening." [Daily Express]
• Lindsay Lohan says the tabloids and paparazzi create false information about her becuase they're into head games. "Head Games" happens to be a song by Foreigner, and Sam Ronson's dad Mick Jones founded that band. Get it? [People]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are "worming" their way into an inauguration event in DC, even though they didn't support or endorse the Obama campaign. [Page Six]
• Obama on 30 Rock?!?! [Extra]
• Madonna was spotted out with friend and photographer Steven Klein, yawn. [The Sun]
• Madonna hasn't been paying any attention to her special "friend," Alex Rodriguez, which is maybe why he took Kate Hudson out to dinner. [TMZ]
• David Beckham has started his stint playing for AC Milan: He was in the game for 89 minutes on Sunday. The AS Roma crowd booed him. [AP]
• Charlie O'Connell has flashed a picture of his new nieces, Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip, on his iPhone. Click and see! (They look like babies.) [E!]
• Lily Allen, 23, was hanging out with art dealer Jay Jopling, 45, but has split up with him because of his age. By the by, Jopling is worth £100 million. [The Sun]
• Wow: Faye Dunaway is guest-starring on Grey's Anatomy! [EW]
• Glenn Close, who has never committed to a TV series before, has signed on for 6 seasons of Damages: "Keep thinking of Angela Lansbury," she says. "I'll be doing my version of Murder, She Wrote." [CBS News]
• Blind items! #1: "Which pop star/reality-TV hostess and her husband tried to lure a hottie publicist into their Atlantic City hotel suite for a threesome? When the singer suddenly stripped naked and got into bed, the terrified flack made her excuses and fled." #2: "Which petite screen actress isn't as intelligent as her college degree would imply? She refuses to read the scripts her agents send her and then throws a fit when plum roles go to her harder-working peers." [Page Six]
• Blind item! #3: "Which TV and big-screen funnyman has a little too much porn on his phone? He’s reluctant to let his cell out of sight for fear someone will discover his cache of naked women." [Gatecrasher]
• The author of this piece about Cate Blanchett writes: "Cate is curious-looking, like an incredibly beautiful sea anemone, sloe-eyed, with straight, chic teeth. If I were going to be terribly picky, they’re a bit bloodless, perhaps." WTF. [Times of London]
• Roman Polanski has lost his bid to have his unlawful sex case dismissed in L.A. [Reuters]
• Michael Phelps is back in China, making commercials for Mazda. They're paying him more than $1 million to endorse the brand in China, which is the single largest sponsorship deal for a foreign celebrity in the country. [AP]
• Sheree Whitfield, one of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta, is showing at Fashion Week. No, really. [Page Six]
• High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens scooped up "overflowing" bags of freebies in the Golden Globes swag suites while talking about the "huge house" she just bought. Tacky! [Gatecrasher]
• Has Sienna Miller been dropped from Ridley Scott's Robin Hood flick for her "partying lifestyle"? Her rep says she dropped out. Her love interest in the film would have been Russell Crowe, do with that what you will. [Telegraph, Mirror]
• Keeping Up With The Kardashians returns in March, and inquiring minds want to know if Reggie Bush will propose to Kim Kardashian on the show. Plus: Will Khloe's NBA boyfriend Rashad McCants appear on screen this season? [E!, UPI]
• Cutiepie Amanda Seyfriend is dating her hunky Mamma Mia costar Dominic Cooper! Lay all your love on me, for real. [Perez]
• Gossip about Jennifer Love Hewitt's "neediness" and "coming on too strong" sounds fishy. [Sun Times]
• Fantasia: Not homeless. [Perez]
• Kylie Minogue and her "Spanish hunk" are still going strong. Who cares if he's the "spitting image" of Olivier Martinez? [Mirror]
• Congrats to singer Jill Scott, who is pregnant for the first time. She spent her first trimester shooting HBO's The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency in Botswana. "That was one of the biggest challenges of my life," she claims. "First trimester! You're sick every morning. It was seven hours time difference, the heat, the bugs, the 14-hour days." Scott is engaged to a drummer named Lil' John Roberts. [UPI]
• None of his costars seem to know what will become of Balthazar Getty on Brothers & Sisters. [E!]
• Dustin Hoffman steals from hotels, tsk tsk. [The Sun]
• Jamie Oliver wants to save your bacon. He thinks that people are "ignorant" about the ways that pigs are raised: "How many people outside of the industry know the difference between outdoor-bred and outdoor-reared, for example? Not many." [Guardian]
• Absolutely Fabulous' Joanna Lumley is also concerned about the piggies. [UPI]
• Sadie Frost is too busy to date, unless you are a handsome Russian billionaire. [Mirror]
• Uber-bronzed George Hamilton loves talking about himself. "It’s my favorite subject." [NY Times]
• Boy George let a DJ named Fat Tony stay at his house while Fat Tony was awaiting trial for raping a 12-year-old boy in a public restroom. Bad idea? [The Sun]
• Singer Charlotte Church gave birth to her second child yesterday, a boy. [The Sun]
• A Tito Jackson paternity suit? And the offspring in question is 25 years old? Wanna be startin' something. [UPI]
• Have you seen Lil' Kim's uh, corny new hairdo? [The Life Files]
• "It is difficult to live up to the level of expectation that directors or other actors or the public and most of all the people you work with have. It is frightening." — Catherine Deneuve. [Mirror]
• "Those were blissful days, I must say. We couldn't even imagine a life in Hollywood back then. Hollywood was as distant and impossible as El Dorado. It was all about fun. Watching Emma was like watching the sun or wind or some other elemental force. Her talent even then was inescapable." — Hugh Laurie, who dated Emma Thompson back in the day. [Page Six]
• "I'm driving down the road, I'm having a drink. It's 4 o'clock; I'm supposed to have a drink. But one day I went, 'I don't see anybody else in their car with a plastic takeout container filled with ice and wine.'" — Alec Baldwin on his alcohol abuse epiphany. [UPI]
• "There are lots of nice things about British men. For instance, they can be very funny and very self-deprecating. In Britain, you very rarely get the sort of macho self-confidence of the Latin man who is soooo out there and sort of 'Yes! Of course! I'm lovely!' I like that about them. But, on the other hand, when it comes to emotions, they can also be... Well, let's face it, they can be just fantastically retarded, can't they? Almost to the point of lower case autism, really." —Emma Thompson. [Daily Mail]

[Los Angeles, CA, January 7. Image via Getty.]

Will SNL tackle the Blagojevich scandal? Will Kanye pop up in any skits? Will Hugh Laurie freak House watching audiences who don't know his other work out by speaking with his real accent? Will MacGruber find a way to have a happy holiday? And, most importantly, how will the SNL crew say goodbye to Amy Poehler, who is performing her last show as an SNL cast member tonight? Let's all tune in and find out.

For those of you who need a warm up for tonight's show, here's a clip of Hugh with cast member Fred Armisen:

• Minnie Driver squeezed out a 9 lb. 12 oz. baby boy on Friday in L.A. Her new son's name is Henry Story Driver. In an interview a few months ago, Minnie said she wanted to give birth naturally. "I'm totally the crunchy, Mother Earth-type, and I'm not looking for any type of intervention," she said. "So I'm afraid." Nine pounds? Sounds like that fear was warranted. [Us Magazine]
• Is Uma Thurman knocked up? Apparently she bought a bunch of dresses two sizes larger than she usually does. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jennifer Lopez will serve as a guest judge on the season finale of Project Runway. Yay? Last season it was Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham, it's tough to live up to that. [Us Magazine]
• BREAKING: Posh may have cut off all of her hair OMG. [NY Mag]
• Did Jennifer Aniston run into Brad Pitt at the Toronto Film Festival? Despite attempts by both of their camps to keep them far apart? And did they have dinner together? [Daily Mail]

• Lil' Wayne had a bag at the Fashion Rocks event but refused to let a security guard search it, hmm. Not like you have a history with drugs or guns or anything! [Page Six]
• Ugh. Howard Stern is auctioning off some girl's virginity on his radio show. The young lady plans to use the cash for her college tuition. Book deal to follow? [Rush & Molloy]
• Joey and Pacey together again! Josh Jackson surprised Katie Holmes with flowers at a rehearsal for her Broadway show. [Daily Mail]
• Barbra Streisand will sing for Barack Obama at a Hollywood fund-raiser on September 16. The $2,500-per-person reception has Dreamworks partners Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg and David Geffen as its co-hosts. Oh, and Barbra is not happy about the McCain/Palin ticket. She wrote on her blog: "We are not that stupid. I believe John McCain chose Gov. Palin because he truly believes that women who supported Hillary — an experienced, brilliant, life-long public servant — would vote for him because his vice president has two X chromosomes. McCain's selection of Gov. Palin is a transparent and irresponsible decision all in the name of trying to win this election." [Variety]
• Whitney Port was seen shooting her pilot — a spinoff of The Hills called The City — in New York's Meatpacking District. [TVGasm]
• Um, "footage" of the The Verne Troyer sex tape is available for purchase online, in case you're interested. [Yahoo News]
• Ashton Kutcher: Currently the assistant football coach at private LA prep school Harvard-Westlake. No, really. [Page Six]
• Headline of the day: "Now Heather Mills writes a novel: Surprise, surprise... it's about a model who weds a rock star." [Daily Mail]
• Sex And The City sequel? In London? [The Sun]
• Robert DeNiro has quit his role on Mel Gibson's flick, Edge Of Darkness. Apparently a scene of Bobby D hitting a golf ball out of a sand trap took 20 takes and Bobby was arguing with the director. In any case, they're going to shoot other scenes until they replace him. Not that you can replace Robert DeNiro. [ONTD]
• Eric Benet was asked to comment about David Duchovny's sex addiction, since Benet famously cheated on Halle Berry due to his own sex addiction. Benet said: "I hope he finds peace and help and whatever he's dealing with. Sex addiction is a real thing, you know. In retrospect, it's not what I would label my situation." So how would he label his cheating? "Making some stupid-ass, stupid-ass mistakes," he said. Word. [NY Mag]
• Hugh Laurie is bald. Sorry. [ONTD]
• Michael Jackson's underwear is for sale. Sorry. [Page Six]
• Ellen DeGeneres, the face of CoverGirl makeup? [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan had a seamstress come to her hotel room and take in four dresses, which cost her $500. [Page Six]
• JK Rowling has won her legal battle! She did not want the Harry Potter Lexicon, an encyclopedia of terms from the world of Harry Potter to be published, because it appropriated her creative work. A judge agreed. [BBC News]
• Leonardo DiCaprio on the torture scene with Russell Crowe in the political thriller Body Of Lies, shot in a former Moroccan jail: "We did that (scene) in the middle of some medieval torture tomb. There was some kind of horrific dust in the air. I got sick for two or three days afterward because of the intense energy it took." [News.com.au]
• Ghostbusters 3 news: The script is being developed. Bill Murray is willing to be involved. The old Ghostbusters would appear in the film in some mentor capacity… No word on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. [Gothamist]
• Friends think Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are expecting a boy. [People]
• Gael Garcia Bernal and his ladyfriend, Argentinean actress Dolores Fonzi, are expecting a boy. [People]
• One of the dudes from Color Me Badd was arrested on charges of of domestic abuse and assault and battery after allegedly punching his girlfriend in the nose and threatening to kill her. Dude, what happened to "I wanna sex you up"? [TMZ]
• Rachel Bilson hosted a bachelorette party in Vegas for her bff who's getting married. Booze, cake, dancing, poolside lounging. [E!]
• Here's a video in which Julianne Moore discusses dying her hair and donning a fat suit for the new movie Blindness. Anybody read that book? [EW]
• Manager Benny Medina may be losing Mariah Carey as a client because she heard he was chasing Jennifer Lopez. Medina has also lost both Tyra and Usher this year. [Page SIx]
• Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner: On the rocks? And! Is Holly dating Criss Angel? [Perez Hilton]
• E! says Brody Jenner is dating Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole, but there's no link.
• Fiddy Cent was in court yesterday, and was awarded visitation rights with his son: Every other weekend. [Perez Hilton]
• Are Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams house hunting? [Perez Hilton]
• Will Catherine Zeta-Jones be in film version of Dr. Who? [The Sun]
• Remember Disturbia? The movie that looked like a Rear Window knock off? Steven Spielberg is being sued for ripping off the plot. [Reuters]
• Oasis is teaming up with the Arts Council and NME to encourage aspiring young musicians to pick up instruments. It would be an awesome idea… if kids cared about Oasis. [Guardian]
• South Park might get banned in Moscow for "offending the dignity of Christians and Muslims alike." [E!]
• Israel is cracking down on music with rock, rap or reggae influences. New haredi rabbinical rulings dictate that certain types of music will not be allowed in wedding halls nor eligible for rabbinical approval. Mordechai Bloi, a member of Israel's Guardians of Sanctity and Education, says: "Michael Jackson-style music has no place in our community … We might be able to adopt Bach or Beethoven, music with class, but not goyishe African music and beats." [StereoHyped]
• Tina Turner is freaking awesome. Watch this video. She turns 70 soon. How does she do it? She says: "I just have energy. I've never done drugs — a little wine, champagne on off days. I was born with this." She also says, "I think I'll probably live to be 100." [ET]
• Prince Harry dropped £5,000 on booze in TWO HOURS. [Mirror]
• Greg Kinnear is a protective dad who keeps his daughters (4 and 2) isolated from pop culture. "They don't watch a lot of TV," he says. "I just want to allow that innocence to drag out a little bit further." [People]
• "I ran 10 miles this morning and 18 miles on Thursday, and every day my mileage is going up and up — so I don't even think about the wedding. I'm thinking about that November marathon!" — Beth Ostrosy, Howard Stern's fiancée. [Yahoo News]
• "I regret calling my wife 'huge' on Conan O'Brien. I meant to say that there are specific areas of my wife that are larger than normal and growing every day. All other portions of my wife are quite petite. I apologize to her and will be coming home with flowers." — Jerry O'Connell. [People]

[Top: Los Angeles, August 18; Bottom: London, August 19. Images via Bauer-Griffin]

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden did not get married this weekend, despite reports by Star magazine that they were having a $2 million wedding. But! Joel did post fake wedding pictures on his band's blog with a message that read: "I've been getting calls and texts from my family all week asking me why they weren't invited to my wedding. I guess the only answer I could give them was that I didn't know we were having one." In the pix, he and Nicole are gorillas. [E!]
• Amy Winehouse agreed to sing at the party of a Russian billionaire, but when she showed up in Moscow, she was "in no condition" to appear on stage. Organizers spent two hours trying to pull her together, and a source says "she put on a terrific show." [Rush & Molloy]
• You may have heard that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama have an e-mail relationship: But did you know that Scarlett's brother Hunter works for the senator? [Page Six]
• M.I.A., whom this paper calls a "lady rapper," is engaged! Check out her bling. [Rush & Molloy]
• Tim Russert's heart was enlarged. [People]

• Ashanti says that she and Nelly are "good friends," who might get engaged in the future. [People]
• Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong: Hanging out in Canada, where Lance was in a fund-raising bike ride. [People]
• NCIS actress Pauley Perrette is asking the public to help find her missing friend. "Her purse was found at one end of Runyon Canyon with all the contents in it; her jewelry was found in another part of Runyon Canyon," says Perrette. [E!]
• This picture of David Beckham talking to Didier Mbenga of the L.A. Lakers is high-larious. [ONTD]
• Has Lily Allen given up partying??? [Mirror]
• Princess Eugenie: Seen frolicking naked on school grounds. [Daily Mail]
• Snoop Dogg's wife was busted for DUI over the weekend, and from the looks of her mugshot, she was wasted! [TMZ]
• Kid Rock was hospitalized for stomach cramps and dehydration over the weekend. [TMZ]
• At her baby shower, pregnant 24 actress Mary Lynn Rajskub jumped into the swimming pool to beat the heat. [People]
• Mary-Louise Parker broke her toe during a love scene for Weeds. "I smashed it on the bed frame," she says. [People]
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were both in Vegas over the weekend, though they apparently didn't run into each other. Kev was honored as Father Of The Year; Brit had father's day dinner with her dad. Where were the kids? [People]
• Sean Connery was in the hospital Friday for a fractured ankle he suffered while playing golf. How does that happen? Don't you just hit the ball as far as you can and then get in a little car and chase it? [Star]
• A Hindu leader wants Mike Meyer's new movie, The Love Guru, to have an NC-17 rating. Says Bhavna Shinde: "From the information available about the movie, it appears to be mocking and ridiculing Hinduism, Hindu philosophy, ashram life, Hindu concepts and terminology, Gurus, etc. Cinema is a powerful medium and it can create stereotypes in the minds of some audiences, especially in the minds of younger audiences, who are passing through an impressionable phase." [Punjab Newsline]
• Is actor Michael Madsen is being a total pain in the ass on his new movie? [Rush & Molloy]
• What are all of the kids from the School Of Rock now? Find out! [ONTD]
• Legendary actor Richard Dreyfuss: Seem "ogling the bare-breasted talent" at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club. [Page Six]
• Is anyone sorta curious about Kit Kittredge: An American Girl'? Starring Abigail Breslin? At the premiere, Abigail said, "I'm excited to see all the girls, and welcome the boys who come too!" Boys? Really? [ET]
• Keira Knightley's mom says Keira is not anorexic, and that she "eats like a horse." "She has always been thin. She's her daddy's daughter, with his long body." [The Sun]
• The Sun has apologized for a false story it printed about Rhys Ifans punching Sienna Miller's friend and co-star Matthew Rhys. [The Sun]
• Dr. Oz from Oprah — getting his own show. [UPI]
• Does Hugh Laurie have a Burger King Gold Card? Does he get limitless supply of free burgers? Do all celebs get one? So. Jealous. Hate to miss a Whopportnity. [ONTD]

[Star Magazine]