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Insurgents Bomb Women's Cafeteria • French Pedophile Asks To Be Castrated
Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?

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formergr
10/20/09

In reply to Insurgents Bomb Women's Cafeteria • French Pedophile Asks To Be Castrated
Whoa, I think someone I know is very well acquainted with a Celeste Ricciardi (from the catburglar link) who lives in NYC. Trying to figure out if it's the same person... #pakistanattackonfemalecafeteri...
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distractedbyshinyobjects
10/20/09

In reply to Insurgents Bomb Women's Cafeteria • French Pedophile Asks To Be Castrated
I don't understand how castration is an effective punishment for rape. Castrated penises can still become erect, so the rapist can still rape...if anything all the castration will do is eliminate any DNA evidence (semen) from being left behind in or on the victim. Sound's like this French dude just wants to keep on going, but not get caught. #pakistanattackonfemalecafeteri...
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SUNNY1
10/20/09

@distractedbyshinyobjects: I'm going to assume the French guy thinks it'll take away his sex drive/doesn't know that erections can still occur? I've actually heard that a lot from guys and girls I know, the idea that castration makes it all go away... #pakistanattackonfemalecafeteri...
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distractedbyshinyobjects
10/20/09

@SUNNY1: @dropkickninjas:

The fallacy there is that rape, or the desire to rape has anything to do with sex drive. It's a violent crime that's about power and control - not arousal. #pakistanattackonfemalecafeteri...
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kung fu lola
10/21/09

@distractedbyshinyobjects: That is not necessarily true. Most rapists are capable of enjoying consensual sex as well. Some people have a fetish for rape - it is the only kind of sexual contact in which they are interested. Not all rapists are rape fetishists. I believe the difference is similar to that between child molestors who are known as "opportunistic" abusers, and those who are genuine pedophiles. #pakistanattackonfemalecafeteri...
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Jill7
10/20/09

In reply to Insurgents Bomb Women's Cafeteria • French Pedophile Asks To Be Castrated
Whenever I hear someone suggest the U.S. should "share" Afghanistan with the Taliban, I think about the female half of the population and what that would mean for their lives. #pakistanattackonfemalecafeteri...
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lobsterswithmittens
10/20/09

In reply to Insurgents Bomb Women's Cafeteria • French Pedophile Asks To Be Castrated
Dr. Erin: Proving that couples named Edward and Bella are doomed to intolerable toxicity. #pakistanattackonfemalecafeteri...
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kaiwhakamarie
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
I've never been much of a hugger. I've gotten better in recent years because I have several girlfriends (and guy friends) who insist on hugs and kisses before they leave, and its just expected. But I went for years without hugging friends or even family. My Dad is one of those awkward 'from the side' huggers and my Mom is even more closed off than he is.

I've been told a few times that my lack of 'hugginess' is the sign of some kind of social anxiety or deeper problem. I never felt that was the case. I'm just not a hugger. That said, I guess I am a little closed off because I'd never dream of walking up to a friend and just giving them a hug. I don't think that means I'm somehow damaged though, maybe just a little on the shy/unsure side?
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Tart of Darkness
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
This is a very timely article. I'm going to make a confession. I am a hugger. But I excused myself for this by asking for permission by saying "Can I give you a hug?" But it occurred to me recently that getting "permission" that way is completely bogus. Who is going to say "no"? Especially in a social setting? The people who most want to say no are probably the least likely to say it. So I've sworn off of hugging for the most part.

The other day I was in a situation though where a person I know gave me a huge, warm hug and it meant a lot to me. And the reason that it did was because it was more than a social reflex...it was a genuine expression of friendship and validation and I treasure that.
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Tart of Darkness
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
I remember that Fran Liebowitz' solution to huggers and touchers was to carry a pack of matches and start lighting them when people came too close. A bic would do.
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rodmanstreet
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
One of my managers is always touching me, and it's verging on inappropriate. Like, he'll touch my neck and my hair and my face as a way of greeting. Thing is, I like the guy. At first I thought it was just me, (I'm one of those people that doesn't like being touched) but maybe this is something else? Like coming up behind me and stroking my neck with his finger when my hair is up. Not normal management behavior, right?
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Tart of Darkness
06/30/09

@rodmanstreet: It's sort of "grooming" behavior and is already absolutely inappropriate. And the number one reason it is inappropriate is that it makes you uncomfortable.

And unfortunately if you want it to stop, it's up to you to tell him to stop. And you need to document that you have. So that if he doesn't stop you can report him to Human Resources.

When you tell him, emphasize that you like working for the company and you like your job and you intend to keep working there, but you are uncomfortable with his touching you. Period.
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Mafalda para Presidente
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
Personal space is kind of a cultural notion, though, and it varies from region to region and in different countries. I know I'm waaaay more touchy if I'm in Mexico, where it's customary to kiss hello and goodbye. If I tried to kiss anyone hello here I'd get weird looks, which is why I do that American half-hug that people do here.

At work, though, I would say that the lesser touching the better.
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queenieinmanhattan
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
I worked with a really good friend of mine for six years (sharing a two-person office for two of the years). We (he's a man, I'm a woman) never kissed in the morning, or hugged at the end of a normal day, but anytime we saw each other outside of work, we kissed on the cheek hello, and hugged goodbye. Weird, but it worked for us.
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Mymoustache
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
The hug itself is difficult to figure out...there's the quick embrace, the tight hold, the lingerer...
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brendastarlet is on it
06/30/09

@Mymoustache: and the man hug, which is kind of an awkward back patting thing.
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brendastarlet is on it
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
I always hug my friends, and lately I have started to give them a sincere kiss on the cheek, not just an air kiss. I am following the example of Maya Angelou, who bestows warm greetings on one and all and especially on those she really likes.

On the other hand, if we have just met, or you are someone outside my office with whom I am dealing professionally, DO NOT APPROACH unless I do so first.
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misspell
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
I'm really into The Handshake. I love giving handshakes, firm ones where I look a person hard in the eye. I do it to everyone - coworkers, friends, casual acquaintances. I think it's a shame that handshakes are no longer in vogue for non-business-people. You can tell a lot about people by their handshake. Plus, because they're not as common anymore, they're surprisingly intimate. "Let's touch hands. Let's really connect." Like that. I think I'm beginning to sound like a maniac.
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Beets.Go.On is the Fat Yogini
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
oh god, I hate being touched/hugged by anyone I am not intimately involved with, very close friends with or paying for a massage/medical care. I hate that people presume they have a right to touch anyone else. You don't know if people have been battered or sexually assaulted (as I have been) or what unwanted touching can bring up for people.

My fiance's family are not only aggressive huggers, but kissers! They are under the impression that they are "European" or worldly or some shit so they hug and kiss (on the mouth!) everyone hello/goodbye every time they see anyone and it makes me so fucking uncomfortable. Gah! I'm getting creeped out just thinking about it.
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tscheese
06/30/09

In reply to Personal Space: Are We Too Touchy?
Closely related to my disapprobation of People I Don't Know Well Who Want To Put Their Mouth Somewhere On Me, I also have a deep and longstanding hatred for People, Usually Men, On Mass Transit Who Feel The Need To Splay Their Legs Out Like Their Balls Are Not Only Cantaloupes But Also Radioactive, Seriously Guys They're Not Made Of Lava And Will Not Destroy Your Legs, Please Let Me Ride Home With Some Seat Space And Dignity, God What Is Wrong With You People.
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emilyanne
06/30/09

@tscheese: oh that's another bugbear of mine. I long for the tube and its civilised one seat, one person policy. Although actually even then men manage to extend their arms out while reading their paper so that you can't actually see anything as ink smudges itself on your cheek while they pretend you aren't in fact sitting in the seat next to them.
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