The one context in which Taylor Momsen's teen goth makes sense! Besides, you know, high school.


Jessica Szohr goes topical, too: this is vaguely Interview with the Vampire. Retro!


Hey, if there's one place you can do steampunk spinster, this is it. Not that Agyness Deyn needs an excuse.


Rachel Roy boldly disregards the Tim Burton dress code, and as a result wears one of the more interesting - and certainly cheerful - outfits here. Dig the mixed patterns.


The lovely Ashley Greene plays a clairvoyant vampire. Her dress plays angry shag carpeting.


Alexa Chung's eyes sparkle with the unholy light of the true fan.


Kristen Stewart looks chicer and more comfortable every time we see her. No mean feat at 19.


Genevieve Jones' shoes are altogether too gay for such a serious event. Does she not realize that young girls are dying with love all over the world?


Fabiola Beracasa is...camera-ready. And yes, it is a teen vampire movie! Whatever, who doesn't love costumes?


Lydia Hearst is 1920s ethereal. The "good" to Fabiola's "evil," if you will.


I can't think of a single nice thing to say about Veronica Webb's getup, so let's move on for karmic purposes.


Haha, Natalie Portman thought she could sneak in the back way, did she? Not on our watch, sister! Admit that twi-love!


Ivanka Trump has the look, and the getup, of one who's just realized, wait, this isn't a charitable fundraiser?


Amber Rose just refuses to leave home without her dunce cap!


There are many embarrassing things about this event. This is obviously one of them.

[Images via Getty]

Many big stars use Auto-Tune for their recordings and live performances. It's kinda like airbrushing for vocals. Beyoncé sounds so drastically different on the raw mix than she does on what actually aired on Today, that we wonder if The Recording Academy will pull a Milli Vanilli on her and take back her Grammys.


Here's the original broadcast from Today:

Howard Stern Exposes a Screeching Beyonce [TMZ]
Beyonce's Dad Was Right — Hoax, Hoax, Hoax!!! [TMZ]

• Gwyneth's mom Blythe Danner says Gwyn's marriage is a-ok, despite rumors of a split. “They don’t take pictures together if they can avoid it. It’s a strategy. They don’t want the pandemonium.” [Fox News]

• OMG NOOOOOO: rumor is that Paris Hilton is dating Gerard Butler. First Shanna Moakler, and now this? Say it ain't so, Gerry. Say it ain't so! [ Perez]
• It really sounds like Nicole Kidman is ready to throw in the towel with this whole acting thing. "I have to say I'm not that interested in making films any more," she tells the Telegraph. "I know I'm not meant to say that, but that's where it is for me now. I'm 41 years old and very happy being in Tennessee with my baby and with my husband. I obviously have creative blood in me and it needs to come out in some way but I just don't have that burning desire any more. I'm not saying I'm never going to work again, but I'm at peace with whatever happens, which is a nice place to be at this stage of my life." [Telegraph]
• Aw, Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are star cross'd lovers! Says a source: "He still loves Rachel and Rachel still loves him, but the timing is off and they can't make each other happy right now." [People]
• Vanessa Hudgens canceled her 20th birthday at Chateau Marmont because she didn't want to come off as a party monster. “She canceled because she didn’t want the bad press because it’s a bar…She could have gotten in though, because they serve dinner as well." [E! Online]
• Pete Wentz, that charmer, has been dishing to Howard Stern about sex with his post-preggers wife. "Wentz revealed everything from how Simpson's body looks post-pregnancy to her bra size and the details of the couple's sex life post-birth…Seaking of the first time he and Ashlee had sex, Wentz said, 'It was the single best sexual encounter I've ever had. We were in the Soho Grand Hotel, and there was a mirror, and I was like, 'Oh my God, you're banging the girl of your dreams and you're watching it right now.'" There's more at MTV.com if you wanna read the entire TMI trainwreck. [MTV]
• Katy Perry is engaged to Travis McCoy of the Gym Class Heroes. We are way too old to really know or care who those people are. [Star]
• Carlos Leon, the father of Madonna's daughter Lourdes, is weighing in on Madge's recent split. "It is a bad situation for both Guy and Madonna and I send them a lot of love and all the children involved. I think it is too early to say if the divorce will make things better or worse for the family." [Perez]
• Jessica Alba will make a cameo on The Office episode that's airing after the Super Bowl. As we noted this morning, Jack Black will also make an appearance on that special ep. Star Studded! [EW]
• After her album of Tom Waits covers was so successful, Scarlett Johansson says she's ready to move on to writing her own material. "It'd be a project that I have to dedicate myself to. I feel like that's something for the future." [ONTD]
• Did you know there's a California Hall of Fame? Well there is! And Dr. Seuss, Jane Fonda, Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson were all inducted in last night because they embody "the state's spirit of inspiration and innovation." [UPI]
• Apparently Suri Cruise has a "huge vocabulary." Does it already include the words "glib," "Xenu" or "psychotropics"? [People]
• Australian tennis whiz Lleyton Hewitt had a baby boy named Cruz. He totally stole that name from the Beckham brood! [People]
• During a concert in Paris the other night, Enrique Iglesias took crotch shot of himself with fan's camera. We are liking him more and more these days. [Sun]
• John Walsh, the host of America's Most Wanted started hosting the TV show after his six-year-old son was tragically murdered in 1981. His son's murderer has now been identified: according to TMZ, "Police are expected to ID the killer as Ottis Toole, a convicted pedophile who died in prison in 1996." [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt says that despite the fact that he and wife Angie are richer than God, they don't spoil their kids with lavish gifts. "We have gifts, but we try to keep the money spent to a minimum. The rule is that everyone’s got to make something for someone else, you got to put time into it." [The Sun]
• Matthew Broderick says that doing the voices for the main mouse in The Tale Of Despereaux was kinda lonely. "Happy as I am to be in it with [co-stars Sigourney Weaver, Kevin Kline and Dustin Hoffman], they're not there. The challenge is you end up behind a piece of glass with a microphone and a lot of people telling you what to do." [ Mirror]
• Jason Schwartzman is giving away a song from his side project Coconut Records for free. The lil' ditty is called "Microphone" and you can find it here. [Perez]
• Fox Reality Channel is launching a new series called "House Husbands" which is exactly what it sounds like — a show about stay-at-home hubbies whose wives are the breadwinners. "The cast includes Tempestt Bledsoe ("The Cosby Show") and husband Darryl M. Bell ("A Different World"), Jillian Reynolds (formerly Barberie, from "Good Day LA"), her husband Grant and former Los Angeles Dodger Billy Ashley, among others." Sounds…delightfully trashy. [ONTD]
• Kate Hudson cannot stop talking about how she loves-loves-loves being single. This time she's talking about it in In Style, but seriously. We've read about it in every fashion magazine ever. Dear fashion magazine writers: please stop asking Kate Hudson about being single. [People]
• Sad news for Columbo fans: Peter Falk has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and dementia. [People]
• Hilary Duff says that she's a lady who does not dirty dance in smutty nightspots! "I've been accused by the press of giving lap dances at clubs. I mean, little ol' me? It's shocking. People love to believe it. It's way more exciting to talk about than the truth! And they're so descriptive about these lap dances. I don't even know how to do a lap dance!" says the Duffster. The lady doth protest too much! [E! Online]

• Minnie Driver squeezed out a 9 lb. 12 oz. baby boy on Friday in L.A. Her new son's name is Henry Story Driver. In an interview a few months ago, Minnie said she wanted to give birth naturally. "I'm totally the crunchy, Mother Earth-type, and I'm not looking for any type of intervention," she said. "So I'm afraid." Nine pounds? Sounds like that fear was warranted. [Us Magazine]
• Is Uma Thurman knocked up? Apparently she bought a bunch of dresses two sizes larger than she usually does. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jennifer Lopez will serve as a guest judge on the season finale of Project Runway. Yay? Last season it was Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham, it's tough to live up to that. [Us Magazine]
• BREAKING: Posh may have cut off all of her hair OMG. [NY Mag]
• Did Jennifer Aniston run into Brad Pitt at the Toronto Film Festival? Despite attempts by both of their camps to keep them far apart? And did they have dinner together? [Daily Mail]

• Lil' Wayne had a bag at the Fashion Rocks event but refused to let a security guard search it, hmm. Not like you have a history with drugs or guns or anything! [Page Six]
• Ugh. Howard Stern is auctioning off some girl's virginity on his radio show. The young lady plans to use the cash for her college tuition. Book deal to follow? [Rush & Molloy]
• Joey and Pacey together again! Josh Jackson surprised Katie Holmes with flowers at a rehearsal for her Broadway show. [Daily Mail]
• Barbra Streisand will sing for Barack Obama at a Hollywood fund-raiser on September 16. The $2,500-per-person reception has Dreamworks partners Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg and David Geffen as its co-hosts. Oh, and Barbra is not happy about the McCain/Palin ticket. She wrote on her blog: "We are not that stupid. I believe John McCain chose Gov. Palin because he truly believes that women who supported Hillary — an experienced, brilliant, life-long public servant — would vote for him because his vice president has two X chromosomes. McCain's selection of Gov. Palin is a transparent and irresponsible decision all in the name of trying to win this election." [Variety]
• Whitney Port was seen shooting her pilot — a spinoff of The Hills called The City — in New York's Meatpacking District. [TVGasm]
• Um, "footage" of the The Verne Troyer sex tape is available for purchase online, in case you're interested. [Yahoo News]
• Ashton Kutcher: Currently the assistant football coach at private LA prep school Harvard-Westlake. No, really. [Page Six]
• Headline of the day: "Now Heather Mills writes a novel: Surprise, surprise... it's about a model who weds a rock star." [Daily Mail]
• Sex And The City sequel? In London? [The Sun]
• Robert DeNiro has quit his role on Mel Gibson's flick, Edge Of Darkness. Apparently a scene of Bobby D hitting a golf ball out of a sand trap took 20 takes and Bobby was arguing with the director. In any case, they're going to shoot other scenes until they replace him. Not that you can replace Robert DeNiro. [ONTD]
• Eric Benet was asked to comment about David Duchovny's sex addiction, since Benet famously cheated on Halle Berry due to his own sex addiction. Benet said: "I hope he finds peace and help and whatever he's dealing with. Sex addiction is a real thing, you know. In retrospect, it's not what I would label my situation." So how would he label his cheating? "Making some stupid-ass, stupid-ass mistakes," he said. Word. [NY Mag]
• Hugh Laurie is bald. Sorry. [ONTD]
• Michael Jackson's underwear is for sale. Sorry. [Page Six]
• Ellen DeGeneres, the face of CoverGirl makeup? [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan had a seamstress come to her hotel room and take in four dresses, which cost her $500. [Page Six]
• JK Rowling has won her legal battle! She did not want the Harry Potter Lexicon, an encyclopedia of terms from the world of Harry Potter to be published, because it appropriated her creative work. A judge agreed. [BBC News]
• Leonardo DiCaprio on the torture scene with Russell Crowe in the political thriller Body Of Lies, shot in a former Moroccan jail: "We did that (scene) in the middle of some medieval torture tomb. There was some kind of horrific dust in the air. I got sick for two or three days afterward because of the intense energy it took." [News.com.au]
• Ghostbusters 3 news: The script is being developed. Bill Murray is willing to be involved. The old Ghostbusters would appear in the film in some mentor capacity… No word on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. [Gothamist]
• Friends think Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are expecting a boy. [People]
• Gael Garcia Bernal and his ladyfriend, Argentinean actress Dolores Fonzi, are expecting a boy. [People]
• One of the dudes from Color Me Badd was arrested on charges of of domestic abuse and assault and battery after allegedly punching his girlfriend in the nose and threatening to kill her. Dude, what happened to "I wanna sex you up"? [TMZ]
• Rachel Bilson hosted a bachelorette party in Vegas for her bff who's getting married. Booze, cake, dancing, poolside lounging. [E!]
• Here's a video in which Julianne Moore discusses dying her hair and donning a fat suit for the new movie Blindness. Anybody read that book? [EW]
• Manager Benny Medina may be losing Mariah Carey as a client because she heard he was chasing Jennifer Lopez. Medina has also lost both Tyra and Usher this year. [Page SIx]
• Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner: On the rocks? And! Is Holly dating Criss Angel? [Perez Hilton]
• E! says Brody Jenner is dating Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole, but there's no link.
• Fiddy Cent was in court yesterday, and was awarded visitation rights with his son: Every other weekend. [Perez Hilton]
• Are Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams house hunting? [Perez Hilton]
• Will Catherine Zeta-Jones be in film version of Dr. Who? [The Sun]
• Remember Disturbia? The movie that looked like a Rear Window knock off? Steven Spielberg is being sued for ripping off the plot. [Reuters]
• Oasis is teaming up with the Arts Council and NME to encourage aspiring young musicians to pick up instruments. It would be an awesome idea… if kids cared about Oasis. [Guardian]
• South Park might get banned in Moscow for "offending the dignity of Christians and Muslims alike." [E!]
• Israel is cracking down on music with rock, rap or reggae influences. New haredi rabbinical rulings dictate that certain types of music will not be allowed in wedding halls nor eligible for rabbinical approval. Mordechai Bloi, a member of Israel's Guardians of Sanctity and Education, says: "Michael Jackson-style music has no place in our community … We might be able to adopt Bach or Beethoven, music with class, but not goyishe African music and beats." [StereoHyped]
• Tina Turner is freaking awesome. Watch this video. She turns 70 soon. How does she do it? She says: "I just have energy. I've never done drugs — a little wine, champagne on off days. I was born with this." She also says, "I think I'll probably live to be 100." [ET]
• Prince Harry dropped £5,000 on booze in TWO HOURS. [Mirror]
• Greg Kinnear is a protective dad who keeps his daughters (4 and 2) isolated from pop culture. "They don't watch a lot of TV," he says. "I just want to allow that innocence to drag out a little bit further." [People]
• "I ran 10 miles this morning and 18 miles on Thursday, and every day my mileage is going up and up — so I don't even think about the wedding. I'm thinking about that November marathon!" — Beth Ostrosy, Howard Stern's fiancée. [Yahoo News]
• "I regret calling my wife 'huge' on Conan O'Brien. I meant to say that there are specific areas of my wife that are larger than normal and growing every day. All other portions of my wife are quite petite. I apologize to her and will be coming home with flowers." — Jerry O'Connell. [People]

• Did John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston break up? Sources say she's been dumped. Gah! An unnamed, possibly non-trustworthy, totally random source says: "John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn't ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved. Contrary to reports, Jen didn't want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together." Is it a good or a bad thing? And how long will we have to hear the "desperate single" gossip about Jen? [Mirror]
• Britney and her sons are wearing white on the cover of OK!. And she, uh, doesn't want Jayden and Preston to have careers in showbiz. "But but I’d love them unconditionally if they wanted to. I’d just as soon they have a more normal childhood," she says. Is it "normal" to be on the cover of a trashy tabloid with your weave-wearing mom? (More in Midweek Madness!) [MSNBC]
• Britney went to a party! And her dad went with her! And she didn't drink! And people say she looked good! [E!]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie are "on the very cusp" of adopting a little girl from Malawi. Her name is Mercy and Madonna "fell in love" with her at an orphanage last year. [The Sun]

• Meanwhile, Guy Ritchie has been doing ju-jitsu with Jason Statham. "I've been fighting Guy in his garage in L.A.," Jason says. "We're killing each other. That's another of my passions, strangling friends." Why does he make it sound so hot? [Mirror]
• Lily Allen is back with ex-boyfriend Ed Simons but by the time you read this they may be broken up again. [The Sun]
• Rhys Ifans is back with Kim Stewart but by the time you read this they may be broken up again. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse is finally settling down to work on an album, which she hopes to finish by the time Blake Incarcerated gets out. We'll believe it when he hear it. [The Sun]
• Oh, dear. In a survey of 3,500 Britons, the number one celebrity people had nightmares about was Amy Winehouse. [The Star]
• Officials have released the news that the cause of death for Isaac Hayes was a stroke. The saddest sentence ever: "Family members found Hayes lying on the floor of his home beside a treadmill that was still switched on." [Yahoo News]
• Natalie Portman's directorial debut, Eve, is a 17-minute film described as "a civilized comedy." Opening at the Venice Film Festival, it stars Lauren Bacall and Ben Gazzara. Wanna see! [Yahoo News]
• Oh lord. Here we go again. George Clooney says: "I have never texted or emailed Senator Obama. And I'll offer a million dollars to anyone who could prove otherwise. In fact, I've only talked to the Senator once in the last year and a half… on the phone." WTF. This is the same thing that happened with Scarlett Johannson. We just heard that George was giving Barack tips on policy! Does this mean that the Daily Mail lied? Are we not to believe everything we read? [Yahoo News]
• Nicole Kidman brought her one month old daughter to her movie set. Working mom! [Star]
• Blake Lively's nose job seems to have occurred sometime in 2006. Plus, she says: "I've kissed just three people in my life, other than stuff that I've done for TV or movies. I know — I'm weird!" [LA Times]
• Chris Martin joked about dating other women on Japanese TV, saying, "Thankfully, my wife is over 1,000 miles away." [Mirror]
• Is Tom Cruise's career in the shitter? [Page Six]
• Julianne Moore is a stone cold fox in shots for Wonderland magazine. She talks about always being nekkid in flicks: "People ask all the time if sex scenes and nudity are hard. What’s hard? Not the lines or the physicality, but the emotion." [Daily Mail]
• Does Ryan Adams want Mandy Moore back? [Gawker]
• The fantastic Ellen Burstyn is coming to Law & Order SVU as Stabler's mom! [EW.com]
• Adrian Grenier and Isabel Lucas (aka Shia LaBeouf's car crash costar): Dunzo. [Yahoo News]
• Tori Spelling won't be on 90210 after all. Jennie Garth=sad. "I'm really bummed because I love Tori and I was psyched Tori was going to be on the show. I think she should definitely get paid as much as either of us is getting paid. Her father created the show. It just seems wrong if that’s the case. I don’t know what really happened… I don’t know if it’s about the money." [EW.com]
• Mark Consuelos will perform the ceremony in the marriage of Howard Stern to Beth Ostrosky. Uh… [Fox News]
• Dane Cook is not alone in hating the poster for his own movie. It's dumb and ugly. And a Photoshop of Horrors. [People]
• A Kylie and Dannii Minogue duet of an ABBA song is the campiest thing I can think of without picturing Liberace. [The Sun]
• Shania Twain is "progressing" and "working hard" to get over her split from her husband of 14 years. Breakup advice, anyone? [People]
• Janet Jackson's set list for her upcoming tour: Yes, "Nasty" is included. [Perez Hilton]
• "It was fantastic to do that album. Not only live with that music that I love everyday, but I just worked with such wonderful musicians who are so talented. I would love to do another album. Right now, though, I'd like to focus on developing something to direct." — Scarlett Johansson. [Perez Hilton]
• Jay-Z may use is 40/40 club to take over Las Vegas. [Page Six]
• Adam West, aka Batman, might be on Dancing With The Stars. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton is being sued for not doing enough publicity for a sorority film she was in, National Lampoon's Pledge This! Maybe she was doing them a favor? [AP]
• Now that he's a dad, Clay Aiken is returning to Spamalot, so he can make cash for his baby. The kid's name is Parker Foster Aiken. Unrelated: The pic of Clay makes me shudder. [USA Today]
• Bernie Brillstein, a Hollywood manager and producer, died last week. At a tribute Monday night, Jennifer Aniston, Rob Loew and Kermit The Frog attended. [E!]
• "I hate blogs but I love mine. Cause I can be F-in REAL with people!!!! I wanna make a difference in a good way even if that means speaking my mind. people might take offense to it but whatev. First of all lets address my 'voting" comment- first of all opinions are like (you know whats)-everyone has one. I decided to make a very blunt comment. Notice how i said "I know IIIIII couldn't do it cause I'd be pms-ing and freaking out all the time" ....Honestly I'd LOVE to meet a woman with NO emotional problems....but thats not the point...but its true. LOL Second- Only 54 percent of eligible american voters cast their ballots!!!!!! Half of them are only voting cause its "cool " to vote for so and so...they aren't even up to date on information. I'M personally not up to date on the facts, so I don't wanna make a stupid choice for our country. I WANT to vote but only when I know exactly whats going on. More ppl should think like that. Paris Hilton said "yaaaay go vote cause its cool and hott!!!!" ...SHE WASN'T EVEN REGISTERED. seriously." — Brooke Hogan. [ONTD]

Obviously, the New York City Region of the Gay Officers Action League does not agree with me. The decision not to prosecute Lane on the original charges sends a "disturbing message" to the public, they say. Oh, and perhaps it does! That the judicial system is capable of being twisted and corrupted by the feminine wiles of one of those hot insane women, perhaps? But you know, it's capable of much worse. In the meantime, we have a beloved term of endearment, and a temporarily vindicated bona fide train wreck on the loose. PAGEVIEWS! I eagerly await her apology to us dykes on Howard Stern.

Gay NY Police Officers' Group Criticizes Case Against TV Anchor [Newsday]
Alycia Lane: 'I'm So Glad This Is Over'
TheVery Public Self-Destruction Of Alycia Lane [Philadelphia Magazine]

• So, the "pregnancy rumors" are just a ploy to keep Nicole Richie out of jail! This is so silly we are nominating it for a MacArthur "Genius" Fellowship in Absurdity. It's like if Banksy were a publicist. [Page Six]
  
• Mandy Moore tells Blender it was "tacky" of Wilmer Valderrama to tell everyone about how he took her virginity. Especially when so many other twenty-something male stars manage to make their appearances on Howard Stern so totally refined and cerebral. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• It is possible to simultaneously be stupid famous and celebrate your 21st birthday barf-free. Next the Olsen twins are going to drive sober, eschew coke, have low-key bachelorette parties, and still somehow be famous. Because they are thin! [Page Six]
  
• There's a new scandal about Las Vegas authorities allowing into the public record the "wild and unsubstantiated claims" that former President Bill Clinton had been a client of a whorehouse. Nice try, New York Post, but the feds already committed to public record the fucking Starr report. [Page Six]
  
• Did you know Paris is still in jail? That Lindsay sometimes drives drunk? That confidentiality clauses are not always so much effective? Then the news on TMZ today will not be so like shocking. [TMZ]
  
• Naomi Campbell's old assistant settles on unspecified cash for assault by Blackberry, not to be confused with the assault by jewel-encrusted mobile phone or the assault by hotel land line. [ Yahoo News]

• The San Antonio Spurs won the NBA Finals. It's their fourth title since 1999 so they're getting very close to that place where the Chicago Bulls were when those pictures of Michael Jordan and his five championship rings were so ubiquitous, except that their form of Michael Jordan is this really geeky Caribbean with a voice like Colin Powell's and their form of "Chicago" is "San Antonio" and the kid who's getting paid nine figures to be the "next Jordan" was on the team the Spurs clobbered in four straight games. So yes, branding=everything. [Sports Illustrated]

The trials and tribulations of living as a country-club wife. [Washington Post]

Memo to "N.Y.": Maybe you shouldn't have gotten engaged to the guy before, well, getting to actually know him. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

Hopefully, after reading this, Madonna will finally stop pretending she's British. [Daily Mirror]

Women like us may get to combine our two (sometimes conflicting) tastes for Howard Stern and Oprah Winfrey with the reported XM/Sirius merger. [NYPost]

Beth Ostrosky is kind of cheesy, although she was in one of our favorite movies, and she does love animals. So, happy
engagement, Beth.

The least-annoying woman on Sex and the City is dating one of the sleaziest guys in Hollywood.