• Earlier this week on The View, Joy Behar joked about Tiger Woods' mistress Rachel Uchitel: "Yeah, you-ka-tell she's a hooker." Uchitel didn't find it so funny, and her lawyer threatened to sue the show.

• The View responded by issuing this statement: "Joy Behar made a play on Ms. Uchitel's name. This was intended as a joke. We sincerely apologize for the choice of words and for any misimpression the joke may have created." [TMZ]
• Woods, for his part, is taking an "indefinite" break from golf. [ESPN]
• An unnamed Tiger Woods mistress bragged to friends that she had been trying to get pregnant by him for years. "She used to try to arrange to see Tiger when she was ovulating. She thought she'd be set for life financially if she could have Tiger's baby," said a source. Tiger had no idea, but hopefully he's learned an important lesson about birth control. [Radar Online]
• On the Today show, Jamie Jungers said she was introduced to Tiger Woods at a nightclub in 2005 and they ended up sleeping together. She said, "The more we drank, the more flirtatious it got." Isn't that how these things usually go? Jungers insists she isn't part of the escort service that some claim Tiger uses. "I got nothing from this relationship – except a broken heart," she said. [People]
• Escort-service owner Michelle Braun says of Jamie Jungers' story, "That's just a lie. Of course she's going to deny it. What girl is going to go on national TV and admit she was an escort?" [E!]
• In court today Anna Nicole Smith's two doctors and her lawyer, Howard K. Stern, plead not guilty to drug conspiracy charges. A judge refused to suspend the physicians' medical licenses, saying the case has been going on for years, so they're obviously not an "imminent danger." [AP]
• You may have heard that Courteney Cox and David Arquette are adopting a child, but her rep says it's a "complete fabrication." [Daily Express]
• Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson has been charged with first degree residential burglary and receiving stolen property for allegedly stealing lingerie, mail, clothing, and handbags from her ex-girlfriend Jasmine Lennard's home. [TMZ]
• Here's something you shouldn't regift: engagement rings. The ring Tila Tequila gave her fiancee Casey Johnson is actually the same ring she gave Courtenay Semel when they were dating."It is absolutely not real and Casey is well aware," said Courtenay. "I would not expect Tila to be able to differentiate a real diamond from a fake one. Her ring is as real as her engagement!"" [Radar Online]
• Ashlee Simpson has been cast as a supporting character in Nicole Richie's new sitcom. "Nicole adores Ashlee, and she truly believes in her talent," says a source. "With few other job prospects on the horizon, Ashlee - who desperately wants to establish herself as an actress - was feeling down until Nicole stepped up and promised: ‘I've got your back. What are girlfriends for?'" [Hollywood Scoop]
• Ick. Heidi Montag wrote on Twitter, "Here is a poem I wrote for my hubby Spencer," and linked to a 58-line poem about the flesh-bearded one. Here's a sample: "You are the most selfless, loving, perfect, caring, miraculous soul to be / Every day I am in aw (sic) of you / All of you passions motives are always so pure and true / I feel bad for all the women in the world who don't have you / But sorry ladies there is one and I don't share [Us]
• Charges have been dropped against the 22-year-old Chicago woman accused of videotaping a part of New Moon. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Def Leppard's former manager filed a lawsuit against the band for allegedly not paying her after a 2008 tour. [Radar Online]
• VIDEO: At LAX the paparazzi get too close to a woman in Axl Rose's entourage. He says, "touch her again, I'll break his fucking neck." The photographer touches her again and Axl knocks him to the ground. [TMZ]
• A woman called the police from Nelly's house after she saw "an older man with glasses and a mustache" walking around the house with a duffel bag full of video games and electronics. When the man was asked "why are you here?" he didn't answer and ran for an open window. Was it an early visit from Santa? [TMZ]
• Judy Garland and Sir Elton John were named the top gay icons by a voters on OnePoll.com. [Contact Music]
• Liza Minnelli says The Wizard of Oz isn't one of her favorite films. "I just loved her so and for some reason The Wizard of Oz bothers me when I see it. They do terrible things to her. ... That's 'cause it's my mom." [AP]
• Alyssa Milano is among the many Italian-Americans offended by Jersey Shore "My husband actually showed me the trailer on YouTube last night, and I got upset," she said. "It upset me. I was like, 'Turn that off!' So no, I don't think I'll be watching that!'" Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. "Snookie," defended her show on The Wendy Williams Show saying, "The Italian, whatever, national, whatever their organization is, they don't understand that 'guidos' and 'guidettes' are good-looking people that, you know, like to make a scene and be center of attention and just take care of themselves... They are old-fashioned. They don't know that; they think it's offensive, because maybe in their time it was offensive, but now it's kind of a compliment. So they don't understand that and that is what we are trying to say. They are way overreacting to the show. We're 22 to 29 just having fun at the shore. They are just taking it way out of proportion." [Us]
• After a screening of her new film The Young Victoria Emily Blunt said, "I don't feel like I had a burning ambition to play the Queen of England... She learned not to mistake stubbornness for strength, and I learned about the humanity of that world." [Style]
• "I can't go two months without being pregnant, engaged, or breaking up because I'm too needy, which is always the one they love," says Kate Hudson. "I'm not needy. You kind of have to laugh it off, but it can kind of screw up other things around it." She added: "If I walk out on the street with any man, I'm dating him. I've been dating two of my best friends from high school who are like girls to me. I have a child, and there are people involved, and it's unfair to talk about somebody else, especially when you're not in that place yet to be discussing those things." [Star]
• Tori Amos says she went through years of therapy but her daughter Natashya, who was born in 2000, was "the missing piece of the puzzle for me. [Her birth] literally kicked out any kind of negativity or self-abuse that I was holding onto." [CNN]
• Dave Itzkoff, who interviewed the remaining members of the Jackson 5 for Sunday's New York Times Magazine says they "seemed mostly unaware of the aura that surrounds their surname. They were a quartet of garrulous, goofy, occasionally cantankerous men who just happen to belong to one of popular culture's most captivating and scrutinized families - and who are still coping with a devastating loss on that same tremendous scale." [N.Y.T.]
• "I am not proud of being rich," says Ricky Gervais. "I still think they are waiting for me to pick up the wrong fork." [ONTD]
• In Esquire's "What I've Learned" column, Peter Jackson admits, "I'm a technophobe. I don't know how the technology works. But I know what the technology is capable of, which is the important thing." He adds, "My thirteen-year-old daughter makes films with her friends on the weekends. Then she edits them on iMovie, and I sit with her and ask her to teach me how to do it. I'm trying to learn." [Esquire]
• 15-year-old Saoirse Ronan says of her character in The Lovely Bones, "I never really thought of Susie Salmon as someone who was dead... Although her body is dead, her soul is still there. That's what makes Susie who she is and that's what I love about her." [Reuters]
• After an Irish report found that Catholic church leaders covered up widespread sexual abuse of children for 30 years, Pope Benedict said he felt "outrage, betrayal, and shame," but Sinead O'Connor is still calling for him to step down. "Popes have had no problem voicing their opinions when we wanted contraception or divorce," O'Connor said. "No problem criticizing The Da Vinci Code. No problem criticizing Naomi Campbell for wearing a bejeweled cross. Yet when it comes to the evils done by pedophiles dressed as priests they are silent. It is grotesque, unbelievable, bizarre and unprecedented. They stand for nothing now but evil." [Reuters]
• Pierce Brosnan, who appears in Roman Polanski's upcoming film The Ghost, says of the director's arrest, "There's a sadness to the whole situation. What happened was wrong in every way, but I just wish the man well and closure for this time in his life, at this moment in time. He's a magnificent director. He's iconic in the world of cinema. I think we've made a good film, the cast is really top class and I just hope that justice will be served with some dignity and compassion, and swiftly... We had dinners, we talked, I met him before and we got on very well together, but I don't know the man. I certainly knew the history of the man, and my heart goes out to his family, to his wife and to his children, and, as I say, I hope this chapter can be closed quickly." [Daily Express]
• "I tried to lose my virginity when I was seven-years-old," Diddy tells Playboy. "I was on top of a girl who was nine or 10, but it didn't happen - so everybody doesn't have to bug out. My mother and the babysitter whipped my ass." [The Sun]

• For the love of God. Khloe Kardashian says: "I want to be a skinny pregnant person." Actually, what she says when she's asked about having kids is:

"Honestly, I just lost weight! I want to be a skinny pregnant person, like how my sister Kourtney looks so cute pregnant. I can't be a house [after] I just lost weight." She does sort of redeem herself by saying: "I am always fat no matter how much weight I lose… [My sisters and I] are all curvy and we are all accepting of our body types. I think if I was in Hollywood by myself, I would be so much more susceptible to falling into having an eating disorder." [E!]

• Maybe Khloe shouldn't hear this, but Kristen Stewart says: "You should see my brother; he's, like, emaciated. We both just happen to be really skinny." [Us Magazine via Allure]
• Kim Kardashian will get $50,000 for celebrating her birthday at Tao in Las Vegas. A source says, "Kim is worth the huge fee because she's so hot." [Page Six]
• Headline Of The Day: "Michael Jackson's Giraffes in $100,000 War" [TMZ]
• Sources say the Jackson family has been invited to attend the premiere of This Is It; but Katherine Jackson and other family members insist they have been snubbed. [TMZ]
• Did Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have a secret wedding? Radar Online found out that Joel got a marriage license earlier this week. [The Star via Radar]
• Lindsay Lohan's on probation for DUI and has a court date this morning because she "failed to meet an unspecified probationary condition." [NY Post]
• Madonna on quitting Tracy Anderson workouts: "I learned a lot of great things working out with Tracy Anderson, I did not ditch or fire her. I simply wanted to try a new method of working out when my tour ended. We remain friends." [Page Six]
• Madonna and Carlos Leon threw a party for Lourdes' 13th birthday on Wednesday at trendy NYC restaurant Delicatessen. Lola had red velvet cake. [Gatecrasher]
• Eminem has declined to collaborate with fellow Michigan-er Madonna. She says: "I wanted to work with Eminem. I don't think he wanted to work with me. Maybe he's shy." That must be it! [Avril Lavigne's new man is Dole Food Company billionaire Justin Murdock. Not a sk8r boi. [Daily Telegraph]
• Diddy was throwing money off the stage at a show when his $20,000 diamond studded ring flew off. So naturally everyone was frisked before they left the event, which they didn't like. Guess what? The ring was not found. "He ain't getting' it back," one witness said. "Someone pocketed that, and they probably took it to the nearest jeweler." My guess? Someone swallowed it and is hoping for the best. [NY Post]
• "David Beckham's son Brooklyn is carving out a sporting name for himself... as an American footballer." Coaches at his school have called him a "wonderkid" and a "natural thrower and hard tackler." [The Sun]
• Courtney Love: Reformed Hole and is in the studio recording new tracks. This paper declares: "Should be interesting because she can definitely rock out." [The Sun]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy are still on and he "has no plans of ruining a good thing." [People]
• Jon Gosselin has reportedly approached awards shows with requests to appear as a presenter — and has been turned down by at least two productions. [MSNBC Scoop ]
• The guy who punched Leona Lewis in the face is an aspiring singer who didn't make it as a contestant on X Factor. Of course. [The Sun]
• There will be no lesbian talk in Anna Nicole Smith's hearing. Adjust accordingly. [Mirror]
• Except you can read about how "Anna Nicole Smith's female doctor funneled drugs to the Playmate to fuel their lesbian love affair" at this link. [NY Post]
• Howard K. Stern was urged to send Anna Nicole Smith to rehab, but told Anna's bodyguard rehab "would kill her." [LA Times]
• Does Donald Trump really not know who Tilda Swinton is? [Page Six]
• So you know how January Jones' rack looks huge on the cover of GQ? "They definitely did some significant retouching," claims a source. But GQ photo editor says: "Yes, they're real. And they're spectacular… People think that a person will look the same in every photograph, but that just doesn't happen… Terry [Richardson] likes to work with harder lighting, and that can create a stronger shadow — that, and body position and perspective could give the illusion that her breasts are bigger. January Jones needed no help. Trust me." [Page Six]
• Jimmy Kimmel and new girlfriend Molly McNearney — who works on his show — had a sleepover. And this is news. News accompanied by a picture of Jimmy "pasty and shirtless" on his balcony, watching Molly leave the morning after. [Radar Online]
• Wood alert: Jesse Metcalfe says that doing sex scenes with Eva Longoria for Desperate Housewives made him "pop a wheelie." [TMZ]
• Whitney Houston is mad at Wendy Williams. [Gatecrasher]
• Kylie Minogue: Spotted making out with her Spanish hunk at a party even though her parents were there. [Page Six]
• Depeche Mode's Dave Gahan denies he said "Thank you very much, Chile" when he was in Peru. [AP]
• Nigella Lawson's back went out, so she put on a corset and ate a chocolate bar. I'll have to try that next time. [Daily Express]
• BREAKING: Karina Smirnoff loves being single. [People]
• Fred Durst got married in July. Then separated a month later. And now he's filed for divorce. [People, TMZ]
• A column called "A Night Of Round Table With Monty Python" is predictably full of weird jokes. [NY Times]
• The new cast of Celebrity Apprentice includes Darryl Strawberry, Rod Blagojevich, Sinbad, Sharon Osbourne, Bret Michaels, Cyndi Lauper, Holly Robinson Peete, Carol Leifer, (who wrote for Seinfeld and whom the character of Elaine was based on), wrestlers Goldberg and Maria Kanellis, chef Curtis Stone and Olympic gold-medal swimmer Summer Sanders. [NY Post]
• "At the age of eight I discovered that I could write songs. My dad used to take them to the notary and register them so that nobody could steal them from me. Who does that? What parent takes a treasure in his child's scribbles?" — Shakira. [Guardian]
• "Before my third album, they warned me that if nothing really happened, they were going to drop me. I knew it was my last chance, so I took control. I started to get more involved with production. I started to use my own influences. My music was influenced more by the Anglo-Saxons than the local tropical or Latin roots. When I was singing in Spanish, I had a more rock'n'roll attitude. I was very inflexible, very rigid in many aspects. There were things that would be completely unacceptable to me, like wearing a leotard, or showing my legs. I was more of a purist then." — Shakira. [Guardian]
• "I envisioned that as my life: staying in academia to make a living and then taking summers off to write my novels. I understand the self-loathing and the resentment, and the discipline that it takes to sit down in front of a typewriter or computer every single day, whether it's going well or not going well … I didn't need to research how to be a professor [for Californication's third season] because I'd already been a teaching assistant when I was pursuing my Ph.D.; it was a very clear memory." — Former Yale doctoral student David Duchovny. [The Daily Beast]
• "In Uganda, fat is beautiful. [Jessica is] always scrutinized by the world. Beauty starts from within." — Joe Simpson, Jessica's dad. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I think that for the first few seasons, it was very clear that Amanda didn't want to be bothered with any type of work. She's at a fashion magazine because she loves fashion — mostly just wearing it. There is a certain reality show with a certain stylist [Newton declines to identify it, but duh, it's Bravo's The Rachel Zoe Project], and I thought, 'Oh my God, that's a glimpse of Amanda's future.' We're going to see that Amanda's love of fashion can help her get ahead in her career. Amanda has a real skill that can actually benefit Mode magazine, apart from looking cute - not that she won't still look cute." — Becki Newton, Ugly Betty's Amanda. [TV Guide]
• "I go outside, and I'm wearing a funky T-shirt and my hair is dirty, and people say, 'What's wrong with her? She needs to invest in a hairbrush. I'm like, don't you get it? I'm not that girl! Like, I never was that girl. It's not like I was really clean-cut last year. The commenters are usually worse than the bloggers. I know what people say about me." — Kristen Stewart. [Us Magazine via Allure]
• "I grew up going to Disneyland twice a week. But I was banned for a year because I went to Disney prison. I was really young so I wasn't responsible for this - it was all my brother's fault. You get a stamp when you leave the park which if you put hairspray on it you can transfer it to someone else's hand, so in the parking lot he went up to somebody and said, 'Hey can we spray hairspray on your hand?0' and we transferred it. And then we go in through the turnstile and there's people there called Fox Fighters or some weird name, They take us aside and I'm like six-years-old and my brother says 'No matter what they say do not confess.' He was like a professional felon at twelve!" — Blake Lively.[Showbiz Spy]
• "It started with the fact that it was my very first week on The View and Barbara and Whoopi asked me if I thought the earth was round or flat. The response that came out was, 'I don't know. I'm trying to take care of my son.' I was really nervous. I was totally outside of my comfort zone and I made a comment that I didn't mean to make. It was a brain fart. I did not know that people were going to hate me as much as they did. I mean like, hate me. My website crashed. But then the women of The View came together and said, 'If we didn't think you could be here, you wouldn't be at this table. We love you. We support you. Don't even worry about it.' I got a ton of e-mails from women saying, I don't care if the earth is round or flat either, Sherri. I'm just trying to pay my bills. That's when I realized that we've gotta give ourselves a break or permission to say dumb things and keep moving. I know what a lot of other women are going through, you try to be perfect for everybody. We've gotta give ourselves a break." — Sherri Shepherd on her new self-help memoir, Permission Slips: Every Woman's Guide to Giving Herself a Break. [Time]
• "I'm old. It's an interesting thing to watch yourself grow older on screen. I was watching Up In The Air and I thought, 'Jesus, who's the old gray-haired guy?' And it was me. I never wear makeup for movies and now it's starting to show. But I'm kind of comfortable with getting older because it's better than the other option, which is being dead. So I'll take getting older." — George Clooney. [Telegraph]
• "I want to hate Megan Fox more than anything. We all do. But I read a bunch of her quotes, and she's witty and smart and carefree. I thought, 'This is the kind of girl I'd love to be friends with' "—Kristen Bell in Women's Health. [Page Six]
• "It was a challenging year. I may have thrown myself off a building. I think work saved me. I'm very grateful I had work." — Madonna. [The Sun]

• Avril Lavigne has officially filed for divorce from Sum 41's Deryck Whibley.

They were married 3 years and 1 month, and Avril cites "irreconcilable differences." She also doesn't want to have to pay him any money. If he does want spousal support, she'll be forced to ask, "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?" [TMZ]

• Interesting: The guy arrested for allegedly burglarizing Lindsay Lohan's house, Nick Prugo, is friends with Teen Dream Drake Bell. [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin would like for you to know that he will "continue on television" and that he's "not worried about future employment." Great. [NY Daily News]
• Alex Rodriguez flew from New York to Miami for one night to "wine and dine" Kate Hudson, who was in South Beach. Romantic! Oh but A-Rod's ex-wife, Cynthia, and their two daughters live in Miami, and Alex also wanted to see his kids. Romantic? [Page Six]
• "Leona Lewis hit in the face by maniac who then screamed ‘I love you.'" Don't get it. [Mirror]
• Apparently the guy was at the bookstore event where Leona Lewis was signing autographs for 90 minutes. A witness says the man walked up with the book, she signed it, and as she looked up he punched her. People could hear the impact. Then security jumped on the man — who was laughing — and Leona was hustled out with her hand over her eye. Leona says she is "ok." [BBC News]
• Taylor Swift will host Saturday Night Live next month. Will there be a Kanye West sketch? Taylor says: "I've been thinking about skit ideas for a long time. There are definitely some hilarious things that have happened to me over the past couple of months that I think will be pretty substantial skits." The problem is that SNL needs more black people. Keenan would not make a good Kanye. Or Beyoncé, frankly. [AP]
• Love love love this 10 Questions With Tracy Morgan column. When asked, "What are the cast members for 30 Rock like to work with? Tracy answers: "I don't know what they do when they're at home. Tina - she's a mother and a wife. We don't hang out. But at 30 Rock, everybody pretty much gets along. Jack McBrayer, we're very close, and it was an honor to be nominated [for an Emmy] in the same category with him. If he would've won, that means we would've won. If I would've won, that means I would've won. I'm not sharing my award with nobody." Also, his healthcare advice is interesting. [Time]
• Kanye West is "thankful" that a law was named after his mother. The measure will protect people from "unnecessary bodily trauma" that could result from elective cosmetic surgery procedures, if they are not physically fit to undergo surgery. [Radar Online]
• As you may recall, Fox NFL Sunday showed a skit mocking Jessica Simpson's weight. Now Fox says: "Burger King Corp. did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp. approved it before it aired. Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended." [Us Magazine]
• The shitty sound of this dumb video of John Mayer partying in a gay bar nearly blew out my speakers, so beware. [ Radar Online]
• "Howard K. Stern helped Anna Nicole Smith crush, cook, inject Valium, ex-bodyguard testifies." [NY Daily News]
• Maria Shriver has issued an apology for illegally using her cell phone while driving and will donate her favorite old cell phone to the HopeLine program that helps domestic violence shelters. [TMZ]
• Will the editors really choose to put Tara Reid on the December cover of Playboy instead of Kelly Bensimon? [Fox News Pop Tarts]
• Michael Jackson's This Is It is selling out all over the world. [NY Daily News]
• Ew, Mariah Carey calls Nick Cannon "DJ Sex Fingers." As the kids say: Vom. [Page Six]
• "Spike Jonze had ex-girlfriend Karen O of Yeah Yeah Yeahs record Where the Wild Things Are music." She says: "It's the best way to continue the relationship in a professional way." [Gatecrasher]
• Is Kids Incorporated to blame for Fergie's meth habit? She says: "What happens when you're a child professional is that you have to be, well, professional. You're taught not to have tantrums, to always people-please. That's part of how I got into (drugs) later." Hmm. [NY Post]
• So you know how Jimmy Kimmel's girlfriend Molly McNearney works for his show? "Staff members are said to troubled by the romance and the unfair promotions it's earned McNearney." [MSNBC via Radar and Gawker]
• In the David Letterman case, the prosecutor wants to keep search warrants sealed and for a hearing to take place behind closed doors. [E!, AP]
• It's CBS vs. CBS in the David Letterman investigation. [NY Post]
• "Stephen Gately smoked cannabis on the night of his death." [Telegraph]
• Jodie Foster, Mel Gibson and Mel Gibson's beaver were hanging out in a high school in White Plains. [Page Six]
• Jeremy London (Mallrats, Party Of Five) may default on his mortgage unless he pays $12,856.81. [TMZ]
• Andrew Keegan was accused of abusing a former girlfriend, but a judge rejected the woman's request for a restraining order after hearing evidence. [TMZ]
• The Beckhams were named "best modern family" in a random online poll. [Mirror]
• "And I think for Letterman to get up there and say ‘I'm the innocent victim and I had some consensual sex'-and he actually said some interesting things: He used the word ‘creepy'-well, the last time I tried it, consensual sex wasn't creepy." — defense attorney Gerald Shargel, who has represented John Gotti. [The Daily Beast]
• "If I see Brody Jenner, he is dead… [He] has the smallest penis I have ever seen." — Always classy Joe Francis, who apparently has experience with seeing Brody naked? [Page Six]
• "I'm afraid it's because they are good. When [co-star and ex-wife] Connie and I wrote them we took about six weeks to write each episode, which is unheard of. People who care a lot spend 10 days, most people do it in a week. But the fact is, we used to write 135 to 140 pages (per episode) ... There was so much in the shows that people could watch them a lot of times because they would forget the things that are in them ... And secondly, in the character Basil we nailed a certain kind of English lower-middle-class type who people are aware of and who, I think, does exist in quite a lot of people." — John Cleese, on Fawlty Towers. [Reuters]
• "Just as what you are feeling in your life affects your acting, what you act in definitely affects what you are feeling in your life. And whether you want it to or not, and even if you don't know it, it bleeds into your life. I made 'Heat' when I was 14 and played a girl who died. A year later, I got into a fight with my mother and cut myself. I had never done it before and I never did it after that, but I think having my wrists bloody in a movie definitely affected my psyche." — Natalie Portman, whose film New York, I Love You starts Friday. [LA Times]
• "People have told me, 'You could just go out there and play guitar and sing your songs like Paul McCartney,' but I'd be too bored. Most of the joy of the shows is the magic of creating them — theater. I'm a perfectionist. I like hard work. I like to sweat." — Madonna. [Page Six]
• "Listen, I would love to tell you that I was this wonderfully smart and full-of-integrity kinda guy. But at the same time, man, I wanted to get laid. That was a big part of it! This is why I wanted to be different and why I wanted to have power and fame and money: because I wanted to be attractive to the opposite sex. I'd be lying to you if I didn't say that was a big part of it." — Michael Bublé. [Telegraph]

• Justin Timberlake and Rihanna reportedly hooked up after the VMAs and they've "been seeing each other for the past few weeks," says a source, "He is really into her and it's only a matter of time before he dumps Jessica".

• The source suggests that they were the subject of a New York Daily News blind item last week that said, "Which two pop stars made sweet music on Sunday night after the gal gave the guy a private lap dance? Hope his longtime girlfriend doesn't find out ..." [Showbiz Spy, N.Y. Daily News]
• Chynna Phillips says when her half-sister Mackenzie Phillips revealed that she had an incestuous relationship with their father John Phillips for 10 years, a part of her died. But, she adds, "After long nights of heroin use, she's claiming that she once woke up and that my father was on top of her having sex with her. Was he actually raping her? I don't know. Do I believe that they had an incestuous relationship and that it went on for 10 years? Yes." [Us]
• Chynna's mother, Michelle Phillips, the ex-wife John Phillips, says her stepdaughter is lying about their incestuous relationship. She says Mackenzie told the family in 1997 "She told me, then she called me back and said, ‘You know I'm joking,' " Michelle said. "I said it wasn't funny. Mackenzie said, ‘I guess we have different senses of humor.' " She says Oprah Winfrey should have never let her do the show and added, "Mackenzie has a lot of mental illness. She's had a needle stuck up her arm for 35 years. She was arrested for heroin and coke just recently. She did ‘Celebrity Rehab' and now she writes a book. The whole thing is timed... Mackenzie is jealous of her siblings, who have accomplished a lot and did not become drug addicts." [Showbiz 411]
• Hailey Glassman was pictured walking out of a plastic surgeon's office looking disheveled as her parents helped her walk. Star claims she got a boob job because she wants to compete with all the women hitting on Jon Gosselin and that she plans to get even more work done for him. [Star]
• Joe Francis' tax evasion case has ended in a plea deal. Francis agreed to plead guilty to two counts of filing false tax returns one one count of bribing Nevada jail workers in exchange for food. He'll have to pay $250,000 in restitution and receive credit for the 301 days he already spent in jail in 2007. He could have faced 10 years in prison. [AP]
• John Travolta testified this morning in the trial of two Bahamians accused of hatching an extortion plot against his family. He said the nanny woke him and Kelly Preston up and said his son, Jett, was unconscious on the bathroom floor. Travolta ran downstairs and gave his son CPR along with a caretaker. Travolta admitted for the first time that in addition to Kawasaki disease, Jett was autistic. "My son was autistic and he suffered from seizure disorder every 5 to 10 days," said Travolta. "He would suffer a seizure that would last 45 seconds to a minute and sleep for 12 hours." It's unclear if Travolta will have to testify again tomorrow. [E!, People]
• John Travolta said he and Kelly Preston rode with Jett to the hospital in the ambulance and were told he was "not alive." [TMZ]
• Lynn Redgrave said of her niece Natasha Richardson, who died in March, "Well, we just go on, day by day... We remember her every day, we'll never forget. She was a bright, bright light in our lives." [People]
• Howard K. Stern was arraigned today on 11 felony counts related to Anna Nicole Smith's prescription drug use. He plead not guilty. [TMZ]
• Ellen Pompeo has given birth to a baby girl, Stella Luna Pompeo Ivery. [People]
• Jude Law has become a father again. Samantha Burke gave birth to their daughter on Tuesday night. "I doubt Jude was there," says a source. "Besides the financial support, he's not involved." [People]
• Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart are suing Gawker.com for $1 million for posting their nude video online and are seeking an injunction to have the video taken down. Gawker publisher (and our boss) Nick Denton Tweeted: "To quote the great Marty Singer — Eric Dane's lawyer — if you don't want a sex tape on the internet, 'don't make one!'" [TMZ]
• Looks like we owe Lindsay Lohan an apology! Though we assumed she was just rambling nonsensically when she Tweeted, "Nice to see @samantharonson has found a 90210 rather than being a loyal" over the weekend, it turns out Samantha Ronson has filmed a guest appearance on 90210. She advises one of the characters "on matters of the heart." [People]
• Here's the new poster for Disney's The Princess and the Frog: [ONTD]
• Amy Winehouse's rep says the story that Amy went to a school in London and spit at a girl who was bullying her goddaughter is "absolutely untrue." [Daily Express]
• Here's the new promo video for the Fame Kills tour, featuring Lady Gaga and Kanye West. [Perez Hilton]
• The sister of Michael Lawrence Kozelka, the man accused of stalking Jewel, says he hasn't had any contact with the family for two years and has had a hard time holding down a job. She apologized to Jewel on his behalf. [AP]
• Betty White will guest star on an episode of 30 Rock this season! [Entertainment Tonight]
• Though reports that Jaclyn Smith was shot yesterday are untrue, Sandra Franklin, her Charlie's Angels stunt double, really did get shot in the abdomen in Honduras while in her home. [TMZ]
• La Toya Jackson is covering this season of Dancing With the Stars for Access Hollywood. [UPI]
• Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, who host a faith-themed program together, are planning to give away 100,000 copies of a new edition of Charles Darwin's On The Origin Of Species which, "shares the gospel in an updated introduction, designed to clear up the pervasive mistake that Darwin did not believe in the existence of God." [UPI]
• Sadly, there is no truth to the reports that Anderson Cooper will replace Regis Philbin on Live With Regis And Kelly next year. "Regis is the king," Cooper says. "He's not going anywhere!" He adds, "It's completely made up. I have no idea where it came from. Regis is not retiring, and I'm very happy with what I'm doing." [People]
• This headline makes us want to, well, barf: "Jennifer Love Hewitt: My Boyfriend Helps Me Diet" [People]
• Joseph Fiennes says he didn't chase big budget movies after Shakespeare In Love because, "There's always going to be a Next Big Thing and a hottest this and the sexiest that. That's the nature of the beast, but I didn't want to be involved in it. It's too easy to get pigeonholed in the movie business, and I didn't want to be pigeonholed. I wanted to be a free agent, and if I wanted to go and work with strange European alternative filmmakers rather than big American studios, I could." [Esquire]
• Drew Barrymore says, "I am okay with my dad, but my mom and I have yet to work it out... I don't talk about it because … how do you talk about something you're confused about?" [People]
• Nicholas Cage used to drink before filming Leaving Las Vegas to get into character and Werner Herzog says of Cage's role in his upcoming film Bad Lieutenant, "There's a scene where Terence rips open a bag of coke and snorts it. Nic was so realistic I was frightened. I thought he was no longer snorting the prop cocaine, the saccharine. So I asked Nic, 'What is it that you are snorting?' He just smiled and said, 'The prop, of course.' But he was just so realistic." [NY Magazine]
• Common says rap is taking a new direction thanks to President Obama. "I also don't find as much gangsta talk," he said. "You see the whole chain-shining-and-rim era is gone. That's like super-played out. Just to have that, I think, is part of the Obama effect." [CNN]

• John Travolta allegedly refused medical help after his son Jett suffered a seizure — which is why the paramedics in the Bahamas were trying to blackmail him.

Reportedly, Travolta wanted the ambulance to drive his son to an airport so he could be flown back to the US for treatment — instead of to the island hospital, 45 minutes away. [Daily Mail, Mirror]

• John Travolta will be the first witness called today. And there may be a secret videotape which allegedly shows the attempted extortion. [TMZ]
• Jaclyn Smith is not dead, despite what Perez Hilton has reported. He apparently mistranslated a story about her stunt double's suicide attempt. Smith's Twitter reads: "Jaclyn is safe and home with her family. She is not in Honduras. It is a lie." [Vancouver Sun]
• Just to clarify: Jaclyn Smith's former stunt double — from her Charlie's Angels days — may have attempted suicide and may be in critical condition, but Jaclyn Smith is fine. [E!]
• Two photographers are suing Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, claiming the couple's bodyguard shot at them outside the Costa Rican estate where the couple were having wedding celebrations. [NY Daily News]
• Congrats to Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr., who welcomed newborn daughter Charlotte Grace Prinze on Saturday. [Page Six]
• Mickey Rourke will play The Ice Man in a movie about a a sadistic Mafia hit man who murdered more than 200 people. [Page Six]
• In court documents, Britney's American Express card charges for the first 11 months of her conservatorship have been revealed: She spent $5,183.13 on restaurants; $10,096.53 on travel and $17,370.29 on furniture. [TMZ]
• Chloë Sevigny and Jason Segel drink champagne and eat chocolate and kiss and hold hands and so on. [Page Six]
• Beyoncé has rescheduled a concert in Malaysia after canceling what was supposed to be her first show there. Scheduling conflicts? Or the country's strict dress code? [UPI]
• How much would you love to see Will Ferrell sing a karaoke version of "Wanted Dead Or Alive"? [Page Six]
• Get well soon, Megan Mullally! She was injured in a car crash last week, and while the injuries are minor, she had to cancel performances of her play The Receptionist in L.A. [TMZ]
• According to a court order, Aerosmith's concert next month in Hawaii must be of the same "quality, type and duration" as a regular Aerosmith concert: No half-assing it with a 30-minute gig. [People]
• Billy Joel has a new lady in his life, a "Katie Lee-esqe brunette" named Deborah Dampiere. [HuffPo]
• The Jay Leno Show has lost more than two-thirds of its initial viewers. [USA Today]
• A woman connected to Michael Jackson's personal physician (Dr. Conrad Murray) — she may be his girlfriend — has been ordered to testify before a grand jury in Los Angeles. [CBS News]
• New details in the Anna Nicole Smith case: Two nannies who worked for Anna claim they saw Howard K. Stern and Dr. Khristine Eroshevich inject drugs into Anna's system. Afterward, she would be all messed up — falling in the house; sleeping for two or three days at a time. [TMZ]
• In addition, there are legal documents stating that Anna Nicole Smith and her shrink, Dr. Khristine Eroshevich, took nude pictures together in a bathtub and their relationship "crossed the boundaries of professionalism." [TMZ]
• There will be a court session for the Anna Nicole Smith case this morning, and Howard K. Stern could be charged with 11 different felony counts. [TMZ]
• Take a minute and read this interview with Charlotte Gainsbourg, about her experience shooting Lars von Trier's Antichrist. She talks about panic attacks, self-harm, working with a porn actor (or trying to) and doing movies with taboo subjects like incest. And she says: "Lars does portray his own fear of women and the sexuality of women. It's not at all a hatred against women-it's really quite the opposite. He's sincere in the way that he's talking about his own fears, his own questions, but he's not accusing women… Of course, [my character] has some kind of an evil part to her, but for me, it had a lot to do with the grieving and going into madness. And then the act of physically cutting herself was the extreme of madness and just trying, with her guilt, to-there's no way of coping with it, so how do you hurt yourself in the most horrific way?" [Village Voice]
• Alexandra Richards was hired to DJ a party but left after 38 minutes to go have dinner — yet she expected to be paid for the full 3 hours her contract stipulated. [Page Six]
• Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough: Maybe back on, if you care. [Page Six]
• Friends and family attended the funeral of Jasmine Fiore over the weekend, and "everyone was crying." [NY Times]
• "The cow's a diva; it's a little known fact.  She's not very giving." — Josh Jackson on his costar in Fox TV show Fringe. [Teen Television]
• "What I try to do is take the best bits of my mother's charitable work and the best bits of my father's charitable work and do them both together. I'm not in their league, but I'm warming up, hopefully, and I'm trying to do what I can." — Prince William. [Telegraph]
• "I was funny in school. I was funny in the classroom. I really got tired of giving it away for free. People say, 'How can you talk all day?' I could do it on the phone or do it on television. A painter paints. I yak yak all day." — Joy Behar, whose new show on HLN (formerly Headline News) begins next week. [WaPo]
• "I saw her on a chat show. I'd worked with her before on Alias and she's always happy and always pleasant to everyone really and when she swears she says thing like 'darnit' and 'darn' — now even The Waltons go a bit (further). Her favourite swear word is 'rats' - that's not a swear word! Rats isn't a swear word." — Ricky Gervais on Jennifer Garner, who he calls "Miss Goody Two Shoes." [Mirror]
• "This was a very joyous moment where I've got new life. It was also a very sorrowful moment, where my sister had gone on, and the family that donated the kidney had lost their daughter as well. My first reaction was that I wished I were back on dialysis to have my sister. These two people had left this earth – and I was here. Why? I feel like I don't deserve it." — Natalie Cole, on getting a life-saving kidney transplant and then learning that her sister Cookie had passed away. [People]
• "I was about 24 years old, and I had tons of acne. I met some random girl on a bus who told me to quit dairy and all those symptoms would go away three days later. By God, she was right." — Woody Harrelson. [Page Six]
• "She's not playing the victim! The press plays the victim for her. All the stories about her-'She's so lonely.' Please! She's having the time of her life! She goes to Mexico every other weekend with her girlfriends, while Angelina and Brad shuffle their kids across country. Would you rather wake up with a margarita or eight children?" — Chelsea Handler, on Jennifer Aniston, who will be a guest on Chelsea's show. [Village Voice]

• Heidi Montag's Playboy shoot: Not that X-Rated. Sources say the mag had strict instructions when photographing her:

"No nipples, no vagina, no ass." Guess that's where she keeps her good Christian values? [TMZ]

• Madonna has signed on to appear as a mentor in the new season of UK reality show X Factor. Also guest starring: Robbie Williams, Whitney Houston and Rihanna. [Telegraph]
• Kate Hudson is dating Alex Rodriguez and Friday Night Lights actress Minka Kelly is dating A-Rod rival Derek Jeter. Word is: "Things between the two photogenic actresses are frostier than the new stadium's $9 beer." [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley: Double-dating, chain smoking, tickling. [Page Six]
• Seth MacFarlane says Family Guy's Stewie is gay. "We had an episode that went all the way to the script phase in which Stewie does come out. It had to do with the harassment he took from other kids at school. He ends up going back in time to prevent a passage in Leviticus from being written: 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. It is an abomination.' But we decided it's better to keep it vague, which makes more sense because he's a 1-year-old. Ultimately, Stewie will be gay or a very unhappy repressed heterosexual. It also explains why he's so hellbent on killing [his mother, Lois] and taking over the world: He has a lot of aggression, which comes from confusion and uncertainty about his orientation." [Gatecrasher]
• When Kourtney Kardashian says she is "so shocked" by her pregnancy, you've got to wonder what she means: She knows how to get knocked up, right? Anyways, she says: We were in the Everglades and I kept feeling nauseous and sick. I just kept thinking something wasn't right. I went to the doctor and he confirmed the news. I was just so shocked." Kourtney has not revealed who impregnated her, but in the past she was linked to skateboarder Scott Disick, whose website notes: "As for girls, he was known as being able to manipulate them into anything." [People]
• Anna Faris and Chris Pratt: Married. And it happened it Bali on July 9. As you'll recall, they were seen on what was thought to be a wedding trip in Hawaii in late July, then her rep said it wasn't true that they'd gotten hitched in Hawaii. Which wasn't exactly a lie. [People]
• Kate Gosselin on Jon Gosselin's relationship(s): "It is hurtful. Very hurtful. To be very honest, the most hurtful part is when his decisions directly affect our children. That's the hardest part for me." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There" will be remade with John Mayer, Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston, Usher, Dionne Warwick, Wyclef and Jermaine Jackson. Larry King's wife Shawn is spearheading the tribute, which will either be awesome or awful. [TMZ]
• …And Shawn King has just pulled out of a duet with Jermaine Jackson she was supposed to do in Vienna. [Page Six]
• Jennie Garth basically confirms that Robert Pattinson is dating Kristen Stewart by saying, "I can't say [which New Moon costar] …but he is dating one of them!" Oh man, it's Buff Werewolf, isn't it? Remember when they held hands? [Gatecrasher]
• "David Beckham disappoints Chelsea and Tottenham by insisting AC Milan is most likely destination for England star." [Daily Mail]
• "Beckhams set to swap LA for Italy?" [Mirror]
• Is Denzel Washington — like so many other Hollywood types — looking to make a living in TV? He's considering an executive producer role on a cop drama called Billy Stiles, written by Virgil Williams, who has penned scripts for 24 and ER. [Reuters]
• Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett: Expecting a boy.
  "Whether this little guy is a jock or not, he's definitely going to be a mama's boy," Kendra says. "And there's no doubt he's gonna be a handsome one … just look at his dad!" [People]
• Rebecca Romijn is giving husband Jerry O'Connell diaper duty while she works on new show Eastwick. This column calls him Mr. Mom, but shouldn't it just be "Dad"? [People]
• Glenn Close used to be in Up With People?!?!? [Page Six]
• Michael Douglas has released a statement regarding his son, Cameron, being busted for meth and thrown in jail for heroin: "The family is devastated and very disappointed in Cameron's recent behavior. Any family who has dealt with substance abuse knows how devastating it can be." [People, NY Daily News]
• "A New York City judge says a jury can decide whether the author of a best-selling book about the death of Playboy playmate Anna Nicole Smith defamed her lawyer by calling him a pimp." [USA Today]
• "Anna Nicole Smith pal Howard K. Stern wins OK to sue writer for libel over gay sex video tale" [NY Daily News]
• Mickey Rourke is not impressed when you "make it rain" in the club. [Page Six]
• "Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt are ready to take on Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell for the title of Longest Dating (and Unmarried) Couple." [Gatecrasher]
• Acting legend Charles Dance, whom you may have seen in Gosford Park, says Paris Hilton's British Best Friend series is "a show for airheads, starring an airhead." Her show is bumping his university drama, Trinity. [The Sun]
• Paul Giamatti will replace Sean Penn as Larry in the Three Stooges movie. Benecio Del Toro will play Moe, and Curly has yet to be cast. [NY Daily News]
• Kim Basinger may play Zac Efron's mom in The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud, a flick about a grieving family. [Variety]
• Bachelorette Jillian Harris stands by Ed Swiderski, but other continue to women talk about how shady he is, blah blah blah. [MSNBC]
• Blind item! "Which scorned reality star is in talks with a major R&B singer to have a faux relationship - just to improve her image?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Today some people in traffic tried to sell me a baby. A live human baby. I didn't know what to say. I said a little prayer for the kid. Wow. It all happend so fast. I was trying to figure out if they were serious, and i think when my reaction was not a good one, they just took off. I mean look. Chances are they were joking. The scary part is i really couldn't tell. Maybe i'm just one gullable fool (sic)." — Joel Madden, via Twitter. [News.com.au]
• "Ran into the people that tried to sell me their baby today on melrose.Told me to tell you all they were joking. I thought 10k was a bit high." — Joel Madden. [Twitter]
• "I learned 30 pages of dialogue in German and English and went to the audition dressed like the character. I killed it. I did everything except sleep with the director to get that part" — Diane Kruger, to Playboy on landing her role in Inglourious Basterds. [Page Six]
• "I got stuck being searched in Toronto, and she waited for me. I totally wasn't expecting to see her when I got through my Toronto search, and she was there, patiently waiting. Some people wouldn't have waited. That's all I'm saying." —Eric Bana on The Time Traveler's Wife costar Rachel McAdams. [USA Today]
• "What was I gonna do? I was worried about you. What if you'd been sent to jail or something and I had to alert the studio?" — Rachel McAdams to Eric Bana. [USA Today]
• "You know, in the old days it was very difficult to make movies 'cause you had to have 35 millimeter cameras, which were phenomenally expensive. Or you had to have rich parents that could send you to film school. Nowadays, anybody, any kid or young person with a desire to make films ... (has) access to this equipment. You have great video cameras and the quality's fantastic. You can make soundtracks and do visual effects. You can do very competent computer effects quite easily. There are no excuses anymore. If people really want to make movies, they can go out and do it. And I think we're going see in the next 20 or 30 years a real influx of creativity to the world of entertainment because I believe a lot in the young generation coming along ... the pop culture generation who now can grab these cameras and go make films with them." — director Peter Jackson. [Reuters]
• "I definitely got doughy. I started eating like crazy and drinking dark beer. Between meals on set, I'd eat a No. 1 Value Meal at McDonald's and then Doritos on top of it. It was absolute heaven." — Matt Damon, on gaining weight for his role in The Informant. [Gatecrasher]

• In case you hadn't noticed, a new Lindsay Lohan feeding frenzy has begun.

Does the woman have problems? Probably. Sure. This headline, however — "Lindsay Meltdown! Chugging Vodka After Breakup With Sam" — is just sensationalist. She was seen drinking, and crying, but her mom was there, sipping wine. So. [RadarOnline]

• More on this in Midweek Madness but: On this week's Us: Lindsay Lohan. Suicidal. [Perez]
• And Lindsay says she's in "absolute hell." [Us Magazine]
• Samantha Ronson is not, repeat not seeking a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan, and she and LL "are totally communicating." [People]
• Madonna has donated about half a million bucks to Italian earthquake victims; her grandparents lived in Pacentro, Italy, until 1919. [People]
• Howard K. Stern's lawyer says Stern is innocent and "no one enabled" Anna Nicole Smith when it came to drugs. Yeah, sure. [CNN]
• Rihanna is leaving Barbados after partying with her grandparents; she looks super happy in this pic snapped at the airport. [TMZ]
• Cops continue to investigate the shooting at Gisele's wedding; can't you just imagine bodyguards shrugging and feigning innocence while their guns are concealed under their jackets? [Mirror]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps — soon to be divorced — was seen singing karaoke while having a girls' night out, just like classy royals are wont to do. [Page Six]
• I'm not loving Rachel McAdams' hair on the cover of the new Marie Claire but what are you gonna do. She is a cutie, though. [ONTD]
• So Rachel McAdams took part in Marie Claire's book club, and read Prodigal Summer. She says: "I absolutely fell in love with this book. I don't think I got out of bed for three days-I was just eating it up. My favorite story line was the one between Deanna and Eddie Bondo. I found that totally hot. It was one of the hottest love stories I've ever read." [ONTD]
• You know how Paris Hilton has been saying Doug Reinhardt was "going to be" her husband? Apparently she is thinking about a summer wedding, maybe August in the Bahamas. Five bucks says no. [Mirror]
• Taylor Swift looks gaudy and scheming on the new eye-searing cover of Seventeen. [Perez]
• Jessica Simpson is "ignoring" Eminem's video, which is probably best. Also, she has not been dropped from her country label; she was "on loan" and continues to be on Epic records or whatever. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Zac Efron stars in an epic Funny Or Die video that's supposed to go up later today. Also in the clip: Brody Jenner, Joel Madden, Queen Latifah, Justin Long, Nicole Richie, Vanessa Hudgens, Carmen Electra, Brittany Snow and Lance Bass. [EW]
• Amy Poehler and a dead squirrel are on the cover of TV Guide. Amy dishes on the secret of her success: "In 1992, I met an old gypsy woman on the side of the road and she gave me a magic bean. I ate it and that was it. The hard part was I had to chop off her head after she gave it to me. But now look at me. I'm famous." [Just Jared]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, is talking about how she financed her in vitro: She inherited $30,000 from an aunt and worked overtime at her job in addition to the disability payments she received. [MSNBC]
• There' some kind of feud going on between Holly Madison and a Las Vegas TV reporter, but honestly? Yawn. [Perez]
• Meanwhile, Kendra Wilkinson has been hanging out at the shooting range. [People]
• Peaches Geldof went clubbing and someone poured a beer on her head and this is newsworthy. [The Sun]
• Lenny Kravitz got fan mail… from French Prez Nicolas Sarkozy! [Reuters]
• Helena Bonham Carter will be in Terminator: Salvation; apparently stills released this week show her with half her face shaved off and her brain visible. Bring it! [Independent]
• Can you picture Al Pacino playing Napoleon? It's gonna happen! For a screen adaptation of a children's book called Betsy And The Emperor. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rob Lowe won his lawsuit against his former nanny, by the by. She violated the confidentiality agreement she signed by telling everyone Lowe's business. [TMZ]
• Gorgeous and talented Sanaa Lathan will host Lens On Talent, a BET show for undiscovered filmmakers. [USA Today]
• Liam Neeson went to the 70th birthday party of Sir David Frost, on of Neeson's first appearances since the death of his wife, Natasha Richardson. [Telegraph]
• Tim Roth will play a "gnarled tramp" in Skellig, a family film to be shown on TV Easter weekend in the UK. [Telegraph]
• One of the choreographers from So You Think You Can Dance, who was arrested last week for alleged sexual assaults, is expected to be released without any charges pressed by prosecutors. Yeah. [TMZ]
• Jamie Waylett, 19, also known as Vincent Crabbe in the Harry Potter movies, was busted for having a cannabis farm at his mum's house. Maybe he needed it for his Defence Against the Dark Arts class? Herbivus inhalus! [Daily Mail]
• What the world needs now: A Seinfeld porn parody. [The Sun]
• For the love of Zeus why are they remaking Romancing The Stone?!?!?! [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which seemingly down-to-earth starlet is actually a wicked diva? When she wasn't featured as prominently as her other cast members in a recent photo shoot, she left the set in a huff." [Gatecrasher]
• Strictly Come Dancing is an obsession for my entire family. I don't watch much TV but I like that show. You will see me on Strictly or the US version Dancing With The Stars." — Emily Blunt. [Daily Express]
• "We were both looking for our walks, having this great time competing and yet helping each other. I tried all these walks, like that Monty Python sketch, the silly walks. I went to bars in Texas, trying to pass as Texan, trying to get something real. He got his walk, I found mine. And then I came into the make-up room and he shows up with these horrible false teeth that he'd gotten from his dentist. I was so jealous. I mean, I had a walk, he had the limp. But he had the teeth, too." — Jon Voight, on working on classic film Midnight Cowboy with Dustin Hoffman. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I loved the way [the author, Barbara Kingsolver] linked the interconnectedness of nature with the interconnectedness of human relationships. When she writes in the beginning that "solitude is only a human presumption," I thought that was so true. I mean, we all think we're the center of the universe, but we don't exist alone. It's that ripple idea that you cannot touch one thing without affecting another." — Rachel McAdams on Prodigal Summer. [ONTD]
• "I'll be a soccer mom. Like Posh Spice. I'll be there in my heels cheering on my kids. 'Go, team, go!' But I'll have no idea what's going on." — Miley Cyrus, on where she'll be in 10 years. [USA Today]
• "It's a serious crime and there's no doubt it's very disappointing — I was heartbroken by it. Obviously people are seeing an unfinished film. It's like a Ferrari without a paint job." — Hugh Jackman on the Wolverine leak, about which he is "heartbroken." [Reuters]

• Samantha Ronson's family is seeking a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan, and confirming some of the troubling rumors about Lindsay's habits.

• Samantha's mom, Ann Dexter-Jones says Lindsay "was doing drugs" in her hotel room at Chateau Marmont this weekend. "She cuts herself too," Ann continued. "She is a cutter!" Sister Charlotte Ronson complained about Lindsay trying to get into her party and followed the family to the hotel and booked the room below them. "She does these things to get attention," said Charlotte. [OK]
• Sources say Lindsay is "devastated" about the restraining order. She has been crying uncontrollably and people close to her say they're worried she "might lash out." [TMZ]
• Lindsay tried to deal by doing what any young woman would do after a breakup: Going out clubbing with her mom. [Perez Hilton]
• Samantha Ronson went to Las Vegas alone for a DJ set last night. If you don't believe they are broken up, TMZ has provided riveting video of Sam walking alone. [TMZ]
• But, a source insists Ronson and Lohan "are totally communicating. [People]
• Looks like Jessica Simpson's record label wasn't too happy about her forgetting the lyrics to her songs - she's been dropped. [Perez Hilton]
• Jessica Simpson's rep confirms that she is no longer on country label Sony Nashville, but says she's still with Epic, the record company she released her pop albums with. "She was on loan to Sony Nashville for her country album," says her rep, adding that Jess "is and has always been an Epic artist. She continues to be on Epic's label."[People]
• When Rihanna's dad heard that Chris Brown pled guilty in court, he said "needs to stop being in denial" about what he did. "So what happened? Somebody else did this to Rihanna then?" said Ronald Fenty. "I just would like to see justice go in the right direction." [Us]
• Coldplay has filed court papers denying guitarist Joe Satriani's claim that they plagiarized one of his songs to create "Viva la Vida." They say Satriani's song "lacks originality" so it's not eligible for copyright protection and that any similarity is coincidental. [E!]
• Aspiring singer Leighton Meester has leaked a new song Heidi Montag-style. You can listen to Blair Bear's singing voice here: [Perez Hilton]
• As mentioned earlier, Nadya Suleman has a reality show in the works that will focus on her octuplets and "will also be following Nadya Suleman as she attempts to find a person to have a relationship with." There's still no word on what network will pick up the warped reality show. [Perez Hilton]
• Howard K. Stern and psychologist Khristine Eroshevich were supposed to be arraigned today in the Anna Nicole Smith drug case, but the court date has been postponed to May 13. [TMZ]
• People desperately want Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart to be together. If you are one of them, check out this intricate analysis of what time each left a hotel over the weekend. [E!]
• The Pet Shop Boys will release their 10th album, Yes in the U.S. on April 21. "We thought that 'Yes' just kind of summed up the theme of the album. It's a positive, upbeat, euphoric pop album," keyboardist Chris Lowe said. "It's almost an answer to the question, 'Is that the Pet Shop Boys?' 'Yes!'" [CNN]
• "I am often aware of how much harder it is for young women in Hollywood today ... I am so relieved and feel so privileged that I am beyond that." - Julia Roberts. [AFP]
• Charlie Sheen's baby, Max Sheen, has been released from the hospital. The twin was in the hospital for the past three weeks because of issues related to his low birth weight. "Premature babies are often underweight. Max made weight and went home," said Sheen's rep. [People]
• Following his arrest this weekend, Redmond O'Neal, the son of Ryan O'Nealand Farrah Fawcett, was charged with a felony count of drug possession today. [TMZ]
• Farrah Fawcett's doctor says she is expected to leave this hospital in a few days, and that she has been a particularly great patient. "All people who face cancer are brave," says Dr. Lawrence Piro, "but Farrah has been especially brave because she has had to battle two burdens at the same time. One is the burden of cancer. The other is the burden of going through the cancer in a very public way. Throughout, Farrah has used something which is a masterful gift of hers, and that's her humor. And positive thinking." [People]
• Nicholas Cage has sold his German castle. "Due to the difficult economic situation, unfortunately, I was no longer able to keep it," he said. [Yahoo]
• Diane Keaton will star opposite Harrison Ford in a movie about feuding morning news anchors. [Daily Variety]
• Four of the girls expelled from Oprah Winfrey's Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa on sexual harassment charges say they were locked in their dorm rooms for days with guards outside before being expelled. One is talking to the tabloids and says, "If they say I was touching other learners, it's true ... No one complained to me about it. Obviously if you touch someone, if they are uncomfortable, they will tell you." [Perez Hilton]
• Drew Barrymore says she didn't lose weight while filming Grey Gardens intentionally. "I got really thin while I was making the movie because I was so fraught with anxiety," said Barrymore. "I couldn't eat for a while." [E!]
• Drew also says that she wants to focus more on dramatic roles now. "I'm in my thirties now, and I really want to try all the things that I haven't gotten to do yet, like directing, and doing a drama," said Drew. "I've produced and gotten to do a lot of optimistic love stories, and that was so where I was at for 10 years in my life. And now I feel like, 'Okay, now I know how to do that. I wanted to get scared again.'" [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and her trainer Tracy Anderson are having a hard time getting people to sign up for their $900-per-month gym, and now Anderson is holding two classes at a Marriott. [The Observer]
• Julianne Hough is leaving Dancing With The Stars next season. "I wasn't planning to come back this season because I wanted to focus on my music," Hough said. "But I went back and it's been so much fun to dance with my good friend who happens to be my boyfriend." [Fox News]
• Hugh Jackman Tweeted: "Having lunch on the harbor [sic] across from the Opera Center. Loving life!" But the landmark in his hometown of Sydney is actually the Opera House. [The Sydney Morning Herald]
• Sienna Miller is making her Broadway debut this fall in the play "After Miss Julie." She says: "I'm scared obviously but really excited ... If you want to be an actress you think about opening on Broadway." [Reuters]
• Kim Kardashian may be the butt of Eminem's jokes, but she says she doesn't mind. "I just saw Eminem's new video for "We Made You" and he totally spoofs me!!" Kardashian wrote on her blog. "It was a total surprise to me because I had no idea he was going to talk about me in the song ... I think this video is so funny! I am a huge Eminem fan and find it flattering that he would rap about me ... He's a bit harsh about some other celebrities, but you just have to let it go and have a sense of humor." [People]

• Being on vacation with Amy Winehouse must be relentlessly entertaining:

She was apparently told she couldn't sunbathe au naturale, so she whipped off her bikini top and streaked through the resort in St. Lucia, waving her arms in the air. She told you she was trouble! [Daily Mail]

• The family of Mercy James, the Malawian child Madonna would like to adopt, are on Madonna's side. Mercy's uncle says the guy who claims to be Mercy's biological dad "didn't care about his girlfriend, Mercy's mother, when she needed him most. He didn't even come to see his baby." [The Sun]
• Madonna was overheard telling people: I can't believe I'm leaving my beautiful baby behind. It's not right. I love that baby girl. She's my little girl - she needs to be with me." A judge disagrees, your Madgesty! [MSNBC]
• Chris Brown was in court yesterday, and he pleaded not guilty to two felony counts. His next court date is a preliminary hearing on April 29. [Rolling Stone]
• Some are "surprised" that Chris Brown pleaded not guilty? Really? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Rihanna was not in court, but her lawyer was, and he said her feelings about the case are that she would be happy if "it were over quickly." [TMZ]
• The latest on Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, according to LL: "We are taking a brief break so I can focus on myself." But, uh, she banned you from her party and changed the locks, right? [E!]
• Sam Ronson's family is hoping that Sam will not get back together with Lindsay. Ouch! [People]
• Courtney Love is about to sue a whole mess of people: She finally realized that whomever had been handling Kurt Cobain's estate lost millions of dollars. It's not her fault she didn't look into this sooner, she was high, okay? [Page Six]
• Cops in Costa Rica are investigating the security team hired by Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen since they, you know, open fired on photographers, which doesn't seem very legal. [NY Post]
• Gisele wore Galliano, by the by. [People]
• Howard K. Stern will not cut a deal with the D.A. in the Anna Nicole Smith drug case and is expected to plead not guilty. He'll be in court today. [TMZ]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Britney Spears might take her Circus tour to Australia. [E!]
• Of the items being moved out of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's London home, the mattress is not surprising; the dinosaur, the large horse and surfboard are. Gwynnie's moving to NYC; Chris is going on tour. [Daily Mail]
• Speaking of Chris Martin, Coldplay is denying that it copied Joe Satriani's music for "Viva La Vida." [Breitbart]
• Oh dear: Scarlett Johansson has reportedly been working out with Gwyneth's trainer, Tracy Anderson. She's already lost 14 pounds and now she's off carbs. Is she prepping for Iron Man 2 or just joining the brigade of stick thin stars? [The Sun]
• Did a reporter set up a fake charity and trick Heather Mills into dishing dirt on Paul McCartney? [ABC News]
• Zac Efron's mom stuffed hi stocking with condoms last Christmas and his dad gave him some speech about protection at some point so maybe the point is you won't see Zac as a young baby daddy any day soon. [E!]
• The woman who was saved from committing suicide by Demi Moore and "the Twitter community" says "I'm eternally grateful to her for helping me." [RadarOnline]
• Why aren't people donating to Prince Harry's African charity? Donations have dropped a whopping 84%. [Telegraph]
• Jennifer Garner will star in Butter, a flick that's a political satire set in the small-town world of competitive butter-sculpting. Yeah. Butter. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Ru-roh: Pamela Anderson's boyfriend was in a kite-surfing accident in Hawaii. Luckily, he escaped serious injury and didn't need C.J. to run into the water with a red floaty thing. [Daily Express]
• Kylie Minogue took her new man to meet her parents and they found him to be "charming and witty." Good sign. [Daily Express]
• Buddhist and friend of the Dalai Lama Richard Gere attended a "Mind and Life" conference in Dharamsala, India on Monday. [Hindustan Times]
• Dennis Rodman was thrown out of a West Hollywood hotel after "slapping and groping" female guests. He needs to learn how to ask nicely when he wants to borrow a dress. [TMZ]
• The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation received a gift from the estate of the late Luther Vandross; the amount of the gift was not disclosed. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which Grammy-winning rapper can't get enough weed? She orders from a NYC delivery service non-stop, then tries to sweet-talk the courier into giving her free bags of ganja." [Gatecrasher]
• "He's certainly not the buffoon he looks like. This is the most amazing thing I found out about him. I was once staying at a hotel, and I was in the room directly under his. He is an amazing fuck — and you can quote me on this. The screams coming from the woman were some of the purest sounds of pleasure I'd ever heard." — Rupert Everett on Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter. [Page Six via The Daily Beast]
• "Casey grew up in one of the richest families in New York, and she grew up without any responsibilities or any boundaries. And so, for her, it was very important to do something where there were laws and where your morals counted. I was very much into the idea of doing something I hadn't done before. This is a show about cops. Our show is very grounded in the sense of the crappy things that happen to you are funny. That's how you deal with them and get through life." — Amber Tamblyn, on her character in new show The Unusuals. [USA Today]
• "I don't know Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawke wanted to do some kind of superficial Rolling Stone article. And he did everything he could to make his story the greatest story ever in Rolling Stone. And it was a fictitious (expletive) lie. O.K? He didn't even call me by my name. ... He called Norah Jones, Ray Charles, everybody else by name. Willie (Nelson), Kris (Kristofferson). Why didn't he call my name? Why didn't he say Toby Keith walked through and said this (expletive)? Right? You know why. You know why. You know as good as anybody why. He didn't want to (expletive) deal with the aftermath." — Toby Keith. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "The pilot script showed up, and I stalked [producer Alan Ball] until he said yes. The morning I showed up for work after going blonde, everyone was very relieved." — Anna Paquin on playing Sookie Stackhouse in True Blood. [Vanity Fair]
• "We were on the set, and the two firefighters that work here, I overheard them talking about, 'Yeah, you know, if I'd known I could measure from the pubic bone… And they were talking about a cock-measuring contest.' And I go, 'That's going in the show.'" — Denis Leary on Rescue Me. [The Daily Beast]
• "I'm crying for two and a half hours straight. And then you leave the stage door and people are like, 'Can we take your picture?' And I'm thinking, 'I've never looked worse.' I need a lot of eye cream." — Lauren Ambrose, on her role in the play Exit The King. [WWD]
• "Combs have been on the scene ever since humans had hair on his head. which is quite sometime? The date perhaps goes beyond the time of the old stone age. Man being man and not a lion would
  not be content to let his mane run wild and free. So he had to find some ways to tame it. First on the list of combing operations must have been the use of fingers. So in a way the fingers are the first combs of history. Today, combs are universal and no corner of the globe is without it." — Your friend Kanye West. [Jossip]

• Brad Pitt's mom was supposed to move into the Long Island estate where the posse is staying while Angelina Jolie films Salt, but Angelina has reportedly nixed the idea.

She thinks Brad should be able to handle the kids on his own, like she did when he was filming in Germany, according to a source. No word on what is up with the nanny, but that was a Star story and this is from a different source. [National Enquirer]

• Jen Aniston and John Mayer have indeed broken up. [Gatecrasher]
• It's official: Dancing With The Stars is a goddamn health hazard. Now Steve-O has pinched nerves. [ET]
• Injured Jewel will sing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" on DWTS on Tuesday. [UPI]
• Bong boy Michael Phelps's interview with Matt Lauer will air on the Today show this morning and again Sunday on Dateline. [ET]
• Here's what you're gonna hear Michael Phelps say during the interview: "mistake," "bad judgment," "stupid mistake." Wait, do you regret it? [People]
• Last week, four of the celeb weeklies put Rihanna on the cover, and none of them saw an increase in sales. Life & Style had a picture of Jennifer Aniston on the cover, and sold more than sister mag In Touch. [NY Post]
• Chris Brown's image still appears on Sony Music's website. [NY Daily News]
• Details on Mandy Moore's wedding to Ryan Adams: The bride wore a "cream-colored, lacy tea-length dress and flat sandals" and the groom wore "tight skinny jeans, a T-shirt with sport coat and sneakers." The pastor "didn't know who they were." The ceremony took eight minutes. [People]
• The woman is dead but Anna Nicole Smith's legal issues live on: Now Howard K. Stern has turned himself in for providing ANS with prescription drugs. He was arrested and booked yesterday and the charge is a felony. [TMZ, People, Fox 411]
• This report begins, "Let's stop encouraging Joaquin Phoenix's miscreant behavior - the only thing real about this rap act is the beard." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Joaquin's "brawl": "It was a fake fight," says a witness. "Nobody threw a punch. They were just holding onto each other." [Page Six]
• Here's what Hayden Panettiere has to say about that "outburst" she had on the red carpet: "I have tremendous respect for the media and reporters – particularly the press who treat the people they are interviewing with dignity. While in Hawaii, one reporter grabbed me suddenly from behind and frightened me. It happens. Typically, the press has treated me with great respect." [Ok!]
  
• Will Slumdog's Freida Pinto be the new Bond girl? Signs point to yes. [The Sun]
• Kelly Killoren Bensimon may have "beaten up" her boyfriend to make sure she stays on Real Housewives. People are saying the attack was fake. [Gatecrasher]
• Someone is leaving House. Who, who? Also, Judy Greer is in an episode next week. She says: "[My character] works at a nursing home and there's a cat, and whoever's bed the cat sleeps on dies in the next couple of days. And then one day the cat snuggled up to my character and she totally freaks out and goes to see House..." [E!]
• Miley Cyrus wanted to meet Radiohead after the Grammys. She was told they "don't do that." She says: "I left 'cause I was so upset. I wasn't going to watch them. Stinkin' Radiohead! I'm going to ruin them. I'm going to tell everyone." Radiohead responds: "When Miley grows up, she'll learn not to have such a sense of entitlement." [Mirror]
• Feel like doing a *headdesk*? Peaches Geldof will be in a reality show about her "career" at Nylon magazine. [The Sun]
• No one wants you to forget that auction documents show that Michael Jackson's house was filled with sculptures of boys. [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton has a job! She's been cast in a CW show produced by Ashton Kutcher. "Ashton developed it about his life growing up as a model from Iowa, so it's about the whole fashion world that he was in, and obviously I have a lot of friends in the fashion world, so I'm used to being around a lot of people in that," Barton says. "[I play] a bitchy model-type character, like it's a totally different character for me." [People]
• Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson did an SNL skit about Hawaii's tourist industry and now the Governor of that state is pissed. [CBS News]
• Congrats to Cesar Milan, the dog whisperer, who is now a U.S. citizen. [People]
• Hugh Hefner is selling his house. Not the Playboy Mansion — the one next door, where his wife was living. [WSJ]
• OutKast's André Benjamin says it's tough being a fashion designer because people think "hip-hop stars will just throw their names on anything." And: "I'm not a gay man." [Page Six]
• Set your DVR: Tracy Pollan (Mrs. Michael J. Fox) is playing Natalee Holloway's mom in a Lifetime movie. [USA Today]
• Nicollette Sheridan could return to Desperate Housewives after she leaves this season. The show's creator says: "I wouldn't be surprised if that's just a nasty rumour and Nicollette has more Desperate Housewives episodes in her future." [Mirror]
• Vin Diesel says his life has changed in "an incredible way" since the birth of his daughter last year. [Mirror]
• Chris Cornell not only has a new Timbaland-produced album coming out, he has a second career as a restauranteur. In Paris. [Guardian]
• A screenwriter is suing the makers of the Jane Fonda/Jennifer Lopez flick Monster-In-Law, accusing them of stealing her plot. Sorta late, no? [E!]
• Researchers with too much time on their hands have "discovered" that if you listen to U2, you're smart, and if you listen to Lil Wayne, you're not. [The Sun]
• Whatever happened to Mary Stuart Masterson? She's in a new indie called The Cake Eaters. [LA Times]
• Least blind blind item ever? "Which rapper threatened a pal after the buddy mistreated his girlfriend? The icon got in his face, then froze him out on the group's private jet." [Gatecrasher]
• "I certainly try my best not to be a terrible interview subject. But I am tortured. If you've been acting all your life, you can just talk about yourself without ever thinking about what's going on inside the head of the person that's interviewing you. But for me it's different, because I'm constantly seeing it from both sides. I don't think there's any connection between my journalism career and my film career." — Greg Kinnear. [Independent]
• "I think that the best way to judge movies is, like, 10 years after they're released. I think they should actually do the awards that way. I think they should have done the Academy Awards this year for movies from 1998. I think it's better to look at a movie and then step back and look at it again. I don't think that the awards necessarily get it right. I think they get it wrong more often than they get it right." — Matt Damon, to Parade. [MSNBC]
• "For me this thing happened so long ago and I just really wish people could move on from it. I don't live in the past. When I read headlines about me saying 'When she was 15 her mother shot her father' it's very sensational for me.It happened 18 years ago. Since then I've had a complete, full life and, my God, if I've been living the past 18 years in the past because of one event that happened in my life someone should put a gun to my head and put me out of my misery because that's a waste of my life. I am 33 and I have had a much bigger life than that one event." — Charlize Theron. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm probably a lot more boring than I used to be and more tired at night. You can't fake it. It's like when it's bedtime, it's bedtime. I go to bed earlier and I get up earlier. I think being a parent changes everything about you in really little ways and in ways that you don't really understand unless you have kids. It's kind of like describing a guitar chord - it's not really a simple thing to do." — Matt Damon, to Parade. [Mirror]
• "Before we were married, my wife and I used to play a game called Let's Go Get Lost. We'd be driving, and she would just tell me to turn. 'Turn here, turn here, turn here.' I'd say, 'Baby, I know this town too well. I can't get lost.' And she'd say, "Turn, turn, turn." Until we were out in Indian country, and they were shooting at us." — Tom Waits. [GQ]
• "I'm kind of frightened of the red carpet. I really am. And, you know, it gets worse. At one time, you could just come down the line, meet the fans, see the film and hopefully a good night is had by all. It's changed. You have people checking out your dress from the minute you step onto the carpet and then, you know, it's a hit or miss. That can be more frightening than the premiere." — Julia Roberts. [CBS News]
• "I'm currently in the writing process. I'm learning how to play music and write song, but they're comedy songs. Because I can't write music or play very well - actually, I have quite a bit of musical aptitude when it comes to the guitar, but I don't know how to write music - I'm collaborating with different artists who are giving me the music while I provide the lyrics. Two of the people I'm collaborating with will be performing with me at SXSW - Patty Griffin and Amanda Palmer [of the Dresden Dolls]. [The songs] are all pretty dirty. The titles are things like, 'I'm In Love With Someone Else So Fuck You' and 'Eat Shit and Die.'" — Margaret Cho, who is performing at SXSW… as a musician. [Time]

• Following complaints from PETA, Britney has announced that she won't feature animals on the Circus tour. A PETA spokesperson explained what they think changed Brit's mind (and it wasn't the potential animal cruelty lawsuit).

• PETA applauded Britney for not "forcing chained and beaten exotic animals to perform confusing and uncomfortable tricks" and said she must relate to the caged animals' plight as she herself is a "victim of the paparazzi and always crying about how she hates to be held up in her guarded house." [Daily Express]
• Executives at a luxury private jet company were indicted in New Jersey federal court on charges that they recklessly overfueled private planes, endangering the lives of celebrities including Beyonce, Jay-Z, Snoop Dogg, and Harvey Weinstein. [ABC News]
• In this video, Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead talk about mourning Anna Nicole Smith two years after her death. Stern says after Anna died, "I realized how important she was to my life—she was my whole life. I gave up my whole world for her." [E!]
• Natalie Cole is fighting hepatitis C and hopes to have a kidney transplant in the near future. She says: "My son may be a possible match, which would be great. It's very sweet and kind of strange to have people offer something like that. It's a big deal for the recipient more than it is for the donor, because they've got two kidneys and we just need one!" [E!]
• Cole currently undergoes dialysis three times a week and also has liver disease. [People]
• Farrah Fawcett is doing well after fighting a second battle with anal cancer. She has stopped getting chemotherapy treatment but is still receiving follow-up care. [The Daily Express]
• You can watch Sean Penn's new PSA for the United Nations World Food Program here, plus a behind the scenes video reminding people that shockingly, poor people suffer in a bad economy. [Ad Week]
• Apparently Ashton Kutcher is addicted to Facebook as well as Twitter. His production company, Katalyst Media, is launching a Web series on Facebook. The first episode of the mock reality series comes out today and features Kutcher preparing too seriously for an acting role. [Ad Week]
• Has Vivica A. Fox actually found worse job than Psychic Friends Network spokeswoman? She's going to host a TV Land reality show called The Cougar, a dating show in which an older woman hunts for love in a pool of younger men. [PR Newswire]
• Tony Parker bought the second largest share of the French basketball team ASVEL, and will begin serving as the team's Director of Operations immediately. He may play for the team someday too. Says Parker: "When I'm 36, 37 years old, who knows how my NBA will go. Why not play one more farewell year in France afterwards? I've raised the subject with Eva, and she has nothing against living in France." [People]
• Tiger Woods hasn't been playing competitive golf since his knee surgery over the summer and now he's putting off his return until his wife gives birth to their second baby this spring. Also, Barack Obama told Woods at the inauguration that he wants to play golf with him. [People]
• Hank Azaria and his girlfriend Katie Wright are expecting their first child, a baby boy. [People]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the New York City marathon to raise money for Parkinson's, which his dad has been fighting for 15 years. [Men's Health]
• Ben Lee says his new album The Rebirth of Venus, which comes out next month, is a tribute to the feminine way of doing things in life. "In this world, masculine traits are usually rewarded and feminine traits basically get punished. Like President Obama last year talking about how he went to go negotiate [overseas] – which wasn't seen as a manly thing to do," said Lee. "They call it feminine and masculine archetypes. But [at the same time], they all go on inside all of us. So we all need to deal with that." [Blackbook]
• Jennifer Aniston recently directed a short for Glamour and says she is really interested in directing, which she describes as, "pull it all apart and put it back together again." [CBS News]
• Jorge "Papito" Serguera, the man who banned the Beatles from radio and television stations in Cuba, has died at the age of 76. He has said he was a fan of the group, but he recived orders from government officials who felt the band was a threat to communism. [Reuters]
• In a new interview, Stephen King says that Twilight author Stephanie Meyer isn't a good author. King says: "It's very clear that she's writing to a whole generation of girls and opening up kind of a safe joining of love and sex in those books. It's exciting and it's thrilling and it's not particularly threatening because they're not overtly sexual. A lot of the physical side of it is conveyed in things like the vampire will touch her forearm or run a hand over skin, and she just flushes all hot and cold. And for girls, that's a shorthand for all the feelings that they're not ready to deal with yet."[USA Weekend]
• Drew Barrymore answered questions fans sent to People and one guy asked if she'd consider dating a guy who owns a gas station. Drew said: "I think my dating record shows that I definitely don't believe in discrimination. So, yes – why wouldn't I?" [People]
• Sarah Jessica Parker says her biggest fashion regret is wearing black on her wedding day, rather than a traditional white gown. We can think of quite a few bigger fashion faux pas, which are now immortalized on the Sex and the City DVDs. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Could Jessica Alba's star power save us from this economic mess? Stockpickr.com and Stockerblog.com have compiled the Jessica Alba Stock Index, which works like the Dow Jones Industrial Average, but tracks companies based on how they are connected to Jessica Alba through her films and endorsements. [The Street]
• Brenda's back! Shannen Doherty has signed on to do one more episode of the new 90210. [People]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony recently purchased the house next door to their Long Island mansion. Judging from this photo gallery of the ugly colonial decor, they'll be doing some remodeling. [TMZ]
• Fantasia is going to return to the role she played on Broadway in The Color Purple this summer in a Washington, D.C. production of the show. [The Daily Express]
• A New Jersey congressman is demanding an investigation after fans from the state who tried to buy Bruce Springsteen concert tickets were shut out of the Ticketmaster website, which then ran an ad for more expensive tickets at TicketsNow. [AP]
• Freddy Krueger will be getting a makeover in the new Nightmare on Elm Street movie, but the producers say they won't change the way the characters look. They said: "in Texas Chainsaw the chainsaw was the weapon, in Friday the machete is the weapon for Jason, and in Nightmare there is no changing the glove." [Perez Hilton]
• "I love women. I like them as friends, as interesting people to speak with. But I love gay men. I always say it. Inside me there is a gay man who wants to come out! With heterosexual men I have nothing in common – excluding my husband, brothers and father, you understand." - Victoria Beckham in Italy's Vanity Fair. [Just Jared]
• This headline says it all: "Michael Phelps has extraordinary lung capacity. Does that mean he can get extraordinarily stoned?" [Slate]

• The Jolie-Pitt brood may be relocating to Long Island, New York while Angie films Edwin A. Salt. Surely they picked LI because they wanted a sophisticated, cultural capital on par with France and Germany. [Extra]

• Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern are working together to sue a man who they say was releasing false information to an author for a tell all book. They both filed declarations supporting Stern's claim that he was not criminally involved in Daniel Smith's death, he never drugged Anna Nicole, and he and Birkhead did not make a deal that Birkhead would get Dannielynn if Stern was executor of Anna's estate. [TMZ]
• Last night Lily Allen kicked two photographers in the shins and punched another before entering a club. She came out 20 minutes later and borrowed a lighter from the paps, then threw half of her lit cigarette in a photographer's face. [Perez Hilton]
• Lily Allen may be dating Simon Franks of the Audio Bullys. [The Sun]
• The four main characters in Sex and The City may have agreed to come back for a sequel, but Evan Handler, who plays Charlotte's husband, says he hasn't been approached about the second film. "They could kill me off before the movie even starts," he said. "It's always possible that Harry has had a massive coronary and Charlotte is set free." [E!]
• Tom Brady agreed to give his first interview since injuring his knee to a Toronto radio station, but refused to answer questions about Gisele Bundchen. So the interview was confined to his knee, rehab, the Patriots' owners, and other non-gossipy topics. [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan went to Harvard yesterday, but just to visit Caroline Kennedy's daughter, Rose Kennedy Schlossberg, who attends the university. Rose gave Lindsay and Samantha Ronson a campus tour, including the Widener Library (which only admits Harvard students, unless Lindsay is considered a "visiting researcher.") Maybe holing up in college for a few years wouldn't be the worst idea for Linds. [Perez Hilton]
• Sorry, McAdams-Gosling shippers, Rachel McAdams was spotted kissing Josh Lucas. [Star]
• A parent's advocacy group is asking radio stations not to play Britney Spears' song "If U Seek Amy" on the radio between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m., because it sounds like an obscene phrase when said quickly. Who would have guessed that would offend people? [NY Times]
• Miley Cyrus posted a video on her website in which she raps about the "haters," and claims that she loves Nick Jonas and her Disney replacements/rivals Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez. Warning: may induce Mean Girls-esque high school flashbacks. [Perez Hilton]
• The manager of Emergency Services at the hospital where Jett Travolta died went nuts on the phone when someone asked about reports that someone on her staff took a picture of the dying boy and was trying to extort money from the Travoltas. She screamed, "No. We do not have a picture of Jett Travolta. No one took a picture. What are you trying to get people fired?!" We sincerely hope she is right. [TMZ]
• Confirming reports that they are back on, Carey Hart kissed his wife Pink in public yesterday and there are the photos to prove it. [TMZ]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes say that they are considering moving to London. If so, the move is poorly timed. Didn't their BFFs the Beckhams just move to the US? [The Mirror]
• Camilla Belle says her friend Robert Pattinson and the rest of the Twilight kids had to take classes on how to deal with the media. Pattinson must have been cutting that day. [Nylon]
• Holly Madison and Criss Angel went on vacation in Mexico with Paula Abdul. Did these guys become friends at the suggestion of idea balls picked from a manatee tank?[E!]
• Learjet is denying any responsibility for the fatal plane crash that DJ Am and Travis Barker survived. Court papers filed by the company say that if the crash was caused by a malfunction in the plane it was the "result of the failure to properly maintain and service the aircraft." [People]
• Hayden Panettiere's dad, Alan, has pled no contest to misdemeanor battery related to a fight he had with his wife over the summer. [TMZ]
• Katy Perry is not going to be celibate for a year and says she'd "rather die." "That was a joke, and any fine journalist would have got that," she said. [People]
• "I was with my parents and my dog when I got the news and we were all overjoyed — although I’m not sure my dog knew what was going on. This is a great day to be an actress!” - Anne Hathaway on how she learned about her Oscar nomination. [Just Jared]
• “The best thing is that it was my best friend from New York who called and told me. She was so happy, she was crying and I’m like, ‘What has happened?’… The beauty of the whole thing is that it wasn’t my publicist who called.” - Marisa Tomei, on finding out she was nominated for an Oscar. [Variety]
• "I know people will find that as another thing to hate me on, but fuck it. I'm open to doing porn. Hell, I'll even do bisexual scenes - myself, another man and a woman, or just me and two women. I know people will find that as some weird shit, but I am who I am." - Kanye West [Perez Hilton]

• A stupid psychic has made some predictions for 2009: Michelle Williams will wed Neil Patrick Harris, Jen and Angelina will co-star in a movie and Tina Fey will fight Sarah Silverman. [Page Six]

• Matt Dillon was arrested in Vermont last night for excessive speeding. He was going 106 m.p.h. on Interstate 91. [WCAX]
• After only six episodes, MTV has decided to pull 50 Cent's bizarre/just plain terrible Apprentice knock-off, The Money and the Power. We never thought we'd say this to anyone but: 50, stop trying to be P. Diddy. [Perez Hilton]
• Speaking of Puff: he's telling British newspapers that he wants to be the US's first black James Bond and that he thought he was dreaming when Obama was elected POTUS. [Times UK]
• The BBC decided to pull Paul McCartney's squeaking, "trans-racial" impersonation of Michael Jackson during a recent interview because it might been seen as offensive. [Telegraph]
• OMG: Mariah Carey is currently in talks to make a Broadway musical about her life. She has been considering Vanessa Hudgens, Eva Longoria and Leona Lewis to play her in the sure-to-be-amazing production. [Telegraph]
• JLo and Marc Anthony fought divorce rumors by jetting off to Puerto Rico for a few days of snuggling. [E! Online]
• Earl "DMX" Simmons plead guilty to three different cases (including one count of cruelty to animals and various drug charges) in Maricopa County whilst wearing classic prison stripes. He will receive a minimum of 90 days in prison and he will not be allowed to own pets during his probation. [TMZ]
• Trading Spaces interior designer Doug Wilson was arrested on Tuesday in Illinois for a DUI. [UPI]
• William Balfour was in a Chicago court yesterday for his involvement in the Hudson family murder case. [E! Online]
• Mercury-tainted actor, Jeremy Piven, has apparently found love with a model-cum-waitress whom he met at Britney Spears' birthday bash. [NYDN]
• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are reportedly expecting another baby! [Star]
• Here's a video of Lil' Wayne hilariously falling during a recent concert. [Perez Hilton]
• For some reason, the Associated Press is reporting on Gary Coleman and how he has some run-ins with the law in Santaquin, Utah, where he has moved to "escape the paparazzi and autograph seekers." [AP]
• One of the boats that was used in the filming of On Golden Pond has been put up on eBay. The current high offer is $35,910. [UPI]
• Michael Flatley, the Irish-American dancer of "Riverdance" fame, is back on stage after suffering from a "mystery virus" for years. [Reuters]
• A woman who may have been unwillingly used as a decoy for Jamie Lynn Spears at LAX is pissed off and has filed a claim for money with the city. [TMZ]
• Charles Barkley was arrested on suspicion of DUI in Arizona but he was quickly released. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Garner was seen grabbing coffee with sex therapist Dr. Holly Hein in Brentwood, CA. Uh, interesting?[JustJared]
• Hey! My hometown is in the news! For, uh, booking a Miley Cyrus NYE concert at a local high school? But it's for a gal who has worked hard for breast cancer awareness, so that's nice. [E! Online]
• Justin Bobby and Audrina Patridge enjoy what are probably the last few minutes of their 15 minutes of fame by awkwardly couch-dancing at an "eco-friendly hot spot" in LA. [People]
• Lezebels of 2008, Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan, basked in their new titles in South Beach. Sam is doing "much better" after her brief hospital visit. [People]
• Jessica Simpson rushed to the side of her injured beau, Tony Romo, after he collapsed in the shower of his team's locker room after the game on Sunday. [People]
• Ticket sales are down for Elton John's televised NYE bash. Looks like Elton can't back an arena like he used to. [The Sun]
• The title of this video: "Cloris Leachman, Raw and Unclothed." [Extra]
• Dane Cook's brother was arrested by Massachusetts State Police for allegedly stealing millions from his "comedian" brother. Ugh, Dane Cook is the worst, but it sucks when you can't even trust your family anymore. [TMZ]
• Robert Plant was honored by Queen Elizabeth on Wednesday. [Reuters]
• Ho ho ho: Amy Winehouse was spotted frolicking with her hotel's Santa Claus in the Caribbean. [The Sun]
• Try to hold back your disappointment, ladies: Criss Angel and Holly Madison have been spotted looking at engagement rings in Las Vegas. [E! Online]
• Rita Cosby, who alleges that Anna Nicole Smith's former lovers Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern had a homosexual tryst, responds to defamation lawsuit filed by Stern by saying there isn't anything defamatory about calling some dude gay. [TMZ]
• The indie band Dead Man's Bones, of which actor Ryan Gosling is a member, have released a MP3 on their MySpace. [JustJared]

• Britney is in the hospital again; her new psychiatrist went to her home and decided she was a danger to herself and others. She went calmly, without resistance, and will be there for 72 hours, though she cannot be forced to take medication against her will. There's tension between her family and Sam Lutfi; the doctor seems to believe that Sam is in charge. [TMZ]
  
• Reports that Britney tried to commit suicide are not true. [TMZ]
  
• Apparently Britney was driving around her neighborhood "like a madwoman," which prompted a call to the shrink. [People]
  
• More sources are coming out claiming that Heath Ledger was an addict. Isn't it wrong to speak ill of the dead? May he rest in peace. [Page Six]
  
• Oh, Heath's rep denies all drug stories, including the one where Michelle drove him to rehab and he wouldn't go in. [Rush & Molloy]

• Entertainment Tonight and The Insider will not air a "shocking drug video" starring Heath Ledger they paid several hundred thousand dollars for — out of respect for Heath's family. In other words, someone got yelled at. [Perez Hilton]
• A "freelance reporter" was arrested outside of Brad Pitt's house, for trespassing. I swear I was nowhere around. [AP]
• Has Farrah Fawcett gone to Germany to treat a huge tumor on her liver? What about the cancer down below? No matter: Be well, Farrah! [Page Six]
• On a lighter note, Alan Cumming was swinging from a disco ball at a party recently — until it ripped from the ceiling and he fell on his face. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton was seen making out with Elisha Cuthbert. Yawn. [Page Six]
• Oh, but Paris says she had a sleepover at Nicole Richie's house on Sunday and that baby Harlow Winter Kate Madden looks like Nicole and Joel. "I was crying when I saw [the baby]," the heiress claims. Actually, it's sweet. No snark here. [People]
• As we mentioned last night, Ethan Hawke's girlfriend, aka The Nanny, is with child. Tacky much? [Page Six]
• A stylist who once worked with Britney has slapped the singer with a $50,000 law suit, claiming she hasn't been paid since August. Guess Ms. Spears has had other things on her mind. [Gatecrasher]
• Bonnie Fuller, former editor of Star magazine, writes, "Dear Lynne and Jamie Spears: Hooray For The Intervention." Dear Bonnie Fuller: Shaddup already. [Huffington Post]
• Paul McCartney says reports he had an angioplasty are untrue and he's feeling great. Surely you were worried. [People]
• Mary Lynn Rajskub, aka Chloe on 24, is pregnant: "With the strike going on, I had to keep busy!" [People]
• After 17 years, Montel Williams will end his talk show. Williams, who has multiple sclerosis, is planning a full-year of "best of" episodes, so you'll still be seeing his bald head on TV for a while. [People]
• David Beckham has a new tattoo: A six-inch Brigitte Bardot-inspired portrait of his wife, Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Mirror]
• Holly, Bridget and Kendra, known as The Girls Next Door, will be on the cover of Playboy for the third time. Hugh Hefner says, "To be perfectly frank, I have unexpectedly fallen in love. It is the relationship with Holly that will probably last forever. The others will last for as long as they want it to last before going on with their careers and lives." Uh, romantic? [Yahoo News]
• Christina Aguilera's baby won't be on the cover of OK! next week, because the magazine wouldn't guarantee a full-cover photo of Xtina and Max. In addition, Christina "hates Nicole Richie" a source says, and doesn't want their babies to be on the same cover. Meow! Surely Max will be dating Harlow soon? [MSNBC]
• Jorge Garcia, aka Hurley from Lost, wanted to have a blog but the people behind the show feared he would spill plot secrets. Boo! Let Hurley write! [MSNBC]
• Will the writers' strike nix the Oscars? The Academy is preparing two back-up shows just in case. Film history and film clips, snoozeville. [USA Today]
• A former friend of Anna Nicole Smith claims that attorney-turned-boyfriend Howard K. Stern took pictures of unconscious Daniel Smith for profit and said "they might be worth some money one day." So disgusting. [Yahoo News]
• Eva Longoria on what kind of mom Jessica Alba will be: "She's going to be amazing!" Very insightful, Eva. [People]
• Um, this new Amazon/Pepsi commercial starring Justin Timberlake (with cameo by Andy Samberg!!!!) is pretty effing funny. [The.Life Files]

And that wasn't the first wild Christmas party she threw. Her mom Virgie Arthur, ever the classy lady, sold this home video of Christmas 1994 to TMZ. It shows Anna popping pills right in front of her son Daniel. Virgie doesn't chastise her, though. She laughs along. That woman is a pig.

And how faggy is this? I think of Anna Nicole Smith in terms of Mariah Carey lyrics and get emotional.

Because I miss her
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get her
Get her off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss her, most at Christmas time

I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out where the hell it went wrong
The pain reflected in this post ain't even half of what I'm feeling inside
I need you, need you back in my life, Anna

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back Anna, please
'Cause we belong together

Darling, I never showed you.
Assumed you'd always be there.
I took your presence for granted.
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven.
Like so many friends we've lost along the way.
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

These were the original shots that were floating around the internet, suggesting that Anna was high (what a shock) and puking.

But Howard K. Stern, determined to defend her honor, said she wasn't puking, but was eating KFC and getting the tartar sauce all over herself... topless. He brought this picture on to prove it. What a prince he is!

Don't you just love how Dannielynn is giving first an expression of shock, then of disapproval? That's sorta how we felt watching her mom, too. Except we would always laugh in the end.

• Britney Spears finally got a California driver's license, y'all! Well, an interim license. The real one comes in the mail. This is what we call progress. [People]
  
• In addition, Britney is "very optimistic" that she will get her kids back after she completes the judge's checklist. Hey, there's power in positive thinking, right? [People]
  
• Ugh, wait a minute: Did Britney have sex with some random guy while she was on vacation in Hawaii? And did he tape it? Christ. [MSNBC, 2nd item]
  
• Here's the deal with Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom: They have the same manager, who got married in Mexico over the weekend. They both attended the wedding and "they just gravitated to each other," says a source. [MSNBC]
  
• Brad Pitt swears he's not a copycat when it comes to Angelina Jolie. In Parade magazine he says he's offended when people say his charity work is result of being with Angie. "That's idiotic," he says. "I do it because I'm a member of the human race." Also because next to her, you look bad doing nothing. [Page Six]

• Tory Burch and Lance Armstrong: Dunzo. Did anyone else sort of forget they were even dating? [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio's Israeli model girlfriend Bar Refaeli dodged her country's mandatory military service. "Why is it good to die for one's country?" she says to an Israeli paper. "Isn't it better to live in New York?" [Page Six]
• The rumored Eva Longoria sex tape is actually a short video parody for Will Ferrell's comedy site funnyordie.com. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which Emmy- winning actor with a bad reputation has been blackballed by several important NYC publicists after his diva behavior at a major Fashion Week event?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• John Mayer couldn't buy stuff at Circuit City in Santa Monica because he lost his ID. [Rush & Molloy, 3rd item]
• A naked guy broke into Nicolas Cage's house and put on one of Nic's leather jackets. Cool-as-a-cucumber Nic asked him to remove the jacket, escorted him outside and called a security guard. [Reuters]
• What is up with Perez Hilton's face? [Perez Hilton]
• Howard K. Stern has filed a $60 million lawsuit against the author and publisher of Blonde Ambition, the book that alleges he and Larry Birkhead were lovers. Stern claims writer Rita Cosby "intentionally published false and defamatory statements" related to Anna Nicole Smith's death "in a calculated effort to increase sales and increase profits." [CNN]
• Beyoncé's little sister Solange tells Essence how it feels to be married, divorced and a mom at 21 years old. Plus, she "feels bad" for her sister. "I'm always like 'Oh, let's go to the mall' or 'Let's go here' and she can't. I enjoy having that." [Concrete Loop]
• Amy Winehouse: Swapping booze for milkshakes? [Daily Mail]

More self-referential fun after the jump!

AnnaNicole: oy. no, i don't think ramming was necessary. she was probably well loosened up from practice.
AnnaNicole: that is so mean of me! i forgot: she had an unremarkable anus.
BirkheadBlonde: she coulda had a non-botched vaginoplasty
BirkheadBlonde: hahahahahaha
BirkheadBlonde: HAH!
BirkheadBlonde: right, so i love "it's just hard to do this by myself"
BirkheadBlonde: like anna nicole would have been so much help!!!!
AnnaNicole: i feel sorry for howard for some reason
BirkheadBlonde: um, ew.
AnnaNicole: did u find graphic?
BirkheadBlonde: wait, he's actually kind of hot, howard k. stern.
AnnaNicole: ARE YOU CRAZY?????
BirkheadBlonde: well, obviously.
BirkheadBlonde: you wouldn't want me any other way.
AnnaNicole: so true
BirkheadBlonde: that's a billy joel reference
BirkheadBlonde: btw
BirkheadBlonde: i don't know if billy joel is too modern for your tastes
BirkheadBlonde: lol
AnnaNicole: you're so culturally literate!
AnnaNicole: haha
BirkheadBlonde: actually a cover of the billy joel song i am referencing was the theme song to the short lived sitcom "dave's world"
BirkheadBlonde: about the life of columnist dave barry
BirkheadBlonde: just to show you how culturally literate I REALLY am

We believe it's Howard K Stern on the other end of that camera, in which case we hope he dies really fucking slowly, really fucking right about now.