The letter is actually very sweet; it makes the White House sound like the most magical place to grow up, full of both history and possibility. Jenna and Barbara remember what it was like to first enter the White House at age seven, and then return again at age 18. They reminisce on the vacations spent in DC, the years they spent playing house in the East sitting room and staging plays in the grand ballroom. They offer some advice to Sasha and Malia from “two sisters who have stood where you will stand and who have lived where you will live,” including:

If you're traveling with your parents over Halloween, don't let it stop you from doing what you would normally do. Dress up in some imaginative, elaborate costume (if you are like us a pack of Juicy Fruit and a Vampiress) and trick-or-treat down the plane aisle.

And:

If you ever need a hug, go find Ramsey. If you want to talk football, look for Buddy. And, if you just need a smile, look for "Smiley."

And what may be the best advice:

Go to anything and everything you possibly can: the Kennedy Center for theater, State Dinners, Christmas parties (the White House staff party is our favorite!), museum openings, arrival ceremonies, and walks around the monuments. Just go. Four years goes by so fast, so absorb it all, enjoy it all!

Sasha and Malia are going to grow up in the public eye, facing constant scrutiny and receiving more attention than they are probably ready for. We have only just seen the beginning of this with the media madness surrounding their first day of school. However, this letter is refreshingly not about that. On such an exciting day, it seems right that Jenna and Barbara are cautioning the Obama girls on how to be kids living in the White House, and how to fully enjoy their father’s historic presidency without losing sight of the magic of their surroundings.

Playing House in the White House [WSJ]

I was 12 when Audrey Horne did it on Twin Peaks to secure herself a job at a Canadian brothel. I thought it was by-God the most sexy thing ever and decided then and there (before I read that it was faked with a prop stem) that I was going to learn how to do it.



I mean, obviously.

Unfortunately for my still-probably-embarrassed mother, when does a 12-year-old have access to enough practice maraschino cherry stems but at a family function with an open bar. At least a dozen cherry stems, a massive sugar high and a bunch of snickering male relatives later, I knew how to do it. It took me another few years to actually do it drunk, and probably a couple years after that to put together that I never, ever look at sexy as Sherilyn Fenn while doing it. But if you want to try it, here's how you do it.

1. Select the longest cherry stem you can that has the notch-y bits intact on both ends.
2. In your mouth, use your tongue to bend it once about one-third of the way up the stem. You need one side to be slightly longer than the other. Cross the ends.
3. Flip the stem around, if necessary, so the notches point toward the back of your mouth and the longer half is on the bottom.
4. Using your tongue and the back of your teeth, push the loop part upwards, flipping it as though towards the back of your mouth while pressing it towards your teeth. Use your tongue to push the notch of the longer end through the loop as it is coming back down.
5. Use the notch to secure the longer end in the middle of the loop.
6. Extract it sexily (if possible) from your mouth. Amaze friends and bartenders alike.

Cherry photo via ata08. Drunken photo of me courtesy of SisterMaryMartha, who was not that impressed.

Threading is a way to make comments read more like conversations instead of a bunch of disconnected single replies. Now, when a comment is replied to by other commenters, all the replies will appear directly below the original comment. Each of these blocks is called a "thread". All of this will be self-explanatory once you start using the new system, but read on for a more detailed explainer.

The first comment in a thread will have a few distinguishing features, among them, the number of replies in the thread along with the time of the most recent reply.

Clicking the reply arrow on the lower right side opens a comment reply input box directly underneath the comment. No need to scroll all the way to the bottom of the page to reply.

Replies to replies - sometimes known as second or third (or fourth) level replies - will not be indented as is the custom in most forums. Instead, second and third level replies will be collapsed.

How are the threads displayed, still in chronological order?
Each conversation will be displayed in chronological order. But organization of the conversations overall will be displayed based on popularity. The most popular conversations will migrate to the top. The most recent comment that has no replies will appear on top for 15 minutes before being filtered down. If a more active conversation receives a reply within those 15 minutes, that conversation will overtake the stand-alone comment.

Where did the plus and minus go?
The plus and minus, which was used to friend or un-friend a fellow commenter, has been replaced by a heart. Friends show a red heart, and the rest are empty.

What's the deal with the star again?
Star commenters were readers who have 25 or more followers, or were designated as stars by a comments admin. With the introduction of threading, the number of followers required to attain star is increasing to 40.

Is there a way to view comments the "old-fashioned" way?
You can switch to the old style comments layout by clicking the "classic view" link in the comments bar at the top of the threads.

We would also like to reiterate how commenting works on Jezebel, as first outlined in this post, excerpts from which are reproduced below:

1. Commenter moderator
2. Good comments vs. Bad comments
3. Banning
4. Disemvoweling
5. Deleting comments
6. Best/Worst comments of the day

1. Jezebel Commenter Moderator
As most of you know, we have an funny, thoughtful, and fair-minded commenter moderator, "Hortense". Hortense comments on posts as a regular reader but she also carefully surveys comment threads to make sure that they don't get out of hand, warns and admonishes obnoxious commenters, and, when needed, bans commenters who are not contributing anything informative or interesting to the discussion. She can be reached by emailing commenters@jezebel.com or via her profile page.

2. Good vs. Bad Comments
Read carefully before you comment — we can't tell you how many times people comment on posts they haven't read carefully, or read at all — and ask yourself, do I have something to add? Want to know what we define as "good" or "bad"? See below:

Characteristics of a good comment:
•Insight/additional information
•Intelligent critique
•Wit/humor
•Calm, courteous, reasoned disagreement, either with the opinions/facts presented in a post itself or with other commenters
•Sharing of relevant, personal anecdote (within reason)

Characteristics of a bad comment:
•Attacks on other commenters or Jezebel editors
•Deliberate provocation/trollishness
•Excessive vulgarity
•Self-promotion
•Banality
•Creating/contributing to an echo chamber: ("So cute!" or "I hate...")
•Whining/Complaining: ("I don't want to read about this, can't we see pictures of puppies?")
•Irrelevance: "I don't know who this person is" or "First!"
•Assumption/speculation over an editor’s motivations: (“This post was only put up in order to garner [editor name] pageviews”)
•Posting copyrighted material: (posting large swaths of news articles in comments instead of just linking to another page)
•Thread hijacking

Note: Although Jezebel editors have strong feelings on a whole host of issues — political and personal — we don't expect everyone to share them. Nor should you. Ganging up on commenters who don't share your point of view is not only unnecessary, it is tacky and contributes to a cliquish atmosphere that is not in the spirit of this blog. Differing viewpoints should not be shouted down; try to engage those with opinions opposite to yours with reasoned, polite disagreement. And if you find that difficult? Don't comment.

3. Banning
We reserve the right to ban for any reason. We do not owe banned commenters an explanation, although we may give one if we feel like it. As always, banned commenters can re-apply for commenting privileges after 2 weeks.

4. Disemvoweling
Disemvoweling is a function in which we remove the vowels from every word in a comment to make it virtually unreadable. The point of disemvoweling is to neuter an offensive comment and warn the commenter her/himself that they are on the verge of being banned. (Sometimes we will disemvowel AND ban.) It is permanent, and commenters who try to “reconstruct” and re-post a disemvoweled comment will themselves get disemvoweled.

5. Deleting
In rare cases we can – and will – delete comments altogether. Period.

6. Best/Worst Comments Of The Day
There have been some disagreements among readers over what constitutes a "worst" comment and complaints about "fairness". Let us repeat: We work with what we have, meaning, if you think there is a comment that deserves consideration as "worst" status, you need to send it in to either Hortense or the tips email or else we probably won't know about it. In addition, sometimes we are going to call out commenters who have committed what we think is a "bad comment" offense (see above for definition) even if the offense seems mild to others.

Earlier: The Girl's Guide To Commenting On Jezebel
A Message From Hortense, Our Commenter Moderator

This embrace by readers however, has also seen a change in the nature and tone of comments that has begun to seriously trouble me and the other Jezebel editors. Although we're thrilled that so many of our readers have something to say, there has been an increase in the stupidity, obnoxiousness, banality and purposeful provocation in our comments, an increase that has (rightly) upset both our most loyal readers and new recruits. So! We're going to start a spring-long cleaning of our commenters, meaning, we will ban anyone* we deem to be excessively self-promotional, obnoxious, immature, insulting, nasty, and yes, boring. Jezebel is not a free for all, nor is it a democracy; for those who want to say whatever they want, whenever they want, we suggest you start your own blog. For those who want to play by the rules, please see our guide to commenting on Jezebel below; we hope it will give readers — particularly new ones — some guidelines to follow.

*Note: Most bans will be preceded by a warning sent to a commenter's personal profile page, although we can and will ban anyone immediately and without warning. As always, banned commenters can re-audition at any time.

WHAT IS COVERED IN THIS GUIDE:
1. Commenter moderator
2. New commenting features
3. Blog/link pimping
4. Snap Judgments
5. Good vs. bad comments

1. COMMENTER MODERATOR
We are welcoming our new commenter moderator, longtime Jezebel reader "Hortense". Many of you are probably already familiar with her as she has been a prolific commenter on the site for many, many months. Hortense will not only comment on posts as a regular reader, she will carefully survey comment threads to make sure that they don't get out of hand, to warn or admonish obnoxious commenters, and, when needed, ban commenters who are not contributing anything informative or interesting to the discussion. Do not think of Hortense as a drill sergeant, but a den mother whose job it is to keep everyone playing fair. She can be reached by emailing commenters@jezebel.com or via her profile page.

2. NEW COMMENTING FEATURES
•STAR SYSTEM
Some of you have noticed the appearance of "stars" next to certain commenter names. Here's what's behind the star system: Across all Gawker Media sites, commenters who have 25 or more followers get a star next to their name. (The number of followers needed for a star will increase over time.) This is an automated function and can be rescinded by Jezebel editors and/or our commenter moderator without warning. In addition, commenters without stars can be given stars by Jezebel editors or commenter moderators as reward for one amazing comment or a legacy of great comments.

•COMMENTING VIA EMAIL
This is a way for Jezebel readers to comment through email without logging into the site. When logged out of comments, you will see an @ icon next to each comment, as well as a comment by email link inside of the comments login box. The first time someone comments via email they will be assigned a randomly generated username (note that these accounts remain anonymous and the email address does not appear on the site). Each comment must be verified before it goes live.

•VIDEO
Some readers have already noticed this but you are now able to add video to your comments by posting video embed code from another site into your comment.

3. BLOG PIMPING, THREAD-HIJACKING & LINKS IN COMMENTS
There's been an increase in the pimping out of personal blogs/off-site chats lately, and it needs to stop. Our comment threads are not opportunities for readers to market their own blogs; if you want to direct readers to your personal websites, you can put these links on your personal profile page. Please refrain from hijacking threads; we realize that discussions naturally take twists and turns but we strongly frown upon those who begin commenting about their love of ice cream in a post about Hillary Clinton. In addition, if you want to add a link to a webpage that is relevant to the comment thread you are participating in — and it is a provocative and/or potentially-upsetting or NSFW — it is only fair to label these links with some sort of warning or NSFW tag.

4. SNAP JUDGMENTS
There seems to be some confusion over what is allowed and encouraged in the comments on our "Snap Judgment" pictures, particularly among the newer readers, who may have not seen our January post on girl-on-girl crimes.

To reiterate: "Snap Judgments" are not a place for readers to rail against the physical appearance of the subject(s) shown, be snarky just for the sake of snarkiness, and/or add nothing to the discussion. (See example here.) And despite what many of you think, Jezebel editors are not "setting up" or "baiting" readers to do just that. "Snap Judgments" should be fun, filler content showing a single moment in time; if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. The smartest and wittiest of our readers are able to open their minds and find fun things to say about a photograph as a whole, not the subject's thighs or face. Remember: be clever! (See example here.) As commenter BAngieB once put it: "Snap Judgment is supposed to be just that, a snap judgment. Back in the day, this was a really fun feature where we would try to out-snark and out-clever each other. It's the new people who have ruined by fixating on the person's flaws rather than the picture as whole. What's funny about the picture? What are they really thinking? Who is that dude in the background? In this case, I hate the playas, not the game."

5. GOOD VS. BAD COMMENTS
Read carefully before you comment — we can't tell you how many times people comment on posts they haven't read carefully, or read at all — and ask yourself, do I have something good or bad to add? Want to know what we define as "good" or "bad"? See below:

Characteristics of a good comment:
•Insight/additional information
•Intelligent critique
•Wit/humor
•Calm, courteous, reasoned disagreement, either with the opinions/facts presented in a post itself or with other commenters
•Sharing of relevant, personal anecdote (within reason)

Characteristics of a bad comment:
•Personal attacks on other commenters or Jezebel editors
•Deliberate provocation/trollishness
•Vulgarity
•Self-promotion
•Banality
•Creating/contributing to an echo chamber: ("So cute!" or "I hate...")
•Whining/Complaining: ("I don't want to read about this, can't we see pictures of puppies?")
•Irrelevance: "I don't know who this person is" or "First!"

Note: Although Jezebel editors have strong feelings on a whole host of issues — political and personal — we don't expect everyone to share them. Nor should you. Ganging up on commenters who don't share your point of view is not only unnecessary, itis tacky and contributes to a cliquish atmosphere that is not in the spirit of this blog. Differing viewpoints should not be shouted down; try to engage those with opinions opposite to yours with reasoned, polite disagreement. And if you find that difficult? Don't comment.

Earlier: This Year, Let's Call It Quits On The Nasty Nit-Picking
Mouthing Off On Jezebel: Now With More Meta
Jezebel Comments FAQ

1. Be nice!
This is not a venue to complain, moan, whine, attack or undermine. We must treat one another civilly. We frown upon critique, cynicism and negative remarks. If you don't have something nice to say, it would be best if you said nothing at all.

2. Contribute!
We appreciate comments which bring information to the conversation. Know of a secret sample sale? Post the time, date and location! Is there a brand new cosmetic procedure we're not covering? Let us know!

3. Be connected!
The new way to be a Star Commenter? It's not about quantity but quality. If you work in a glamor industry: At a glossy fashion or beauty magazine, a cosmetics company, a design label, in television or film, drop us a line at tips@jezebel.com and let us know. You will be given Star Commenter status. This also applies if you are famous or related to someone famous. The idea is to create a network of amazing women who can help each other find Marc Jacobs bags on sale and get free Bumble & Bumble haircuts.

4. Don't be shy: Let's get to know each other!
A screen name doesn't really tell us much about you, so we'd love for each of you to change your screen moniker to your real first name or the woman you consider your personal heroine. And please send a recent picture of yourself to tips@jezebel.com. If you include your clothing size and shoe size, you could be eligible for fashion giveaways. (Plus, you'll be helping our marketing department get a feel for what the "average" reader is like. Sparkling and gorgeous, to be sure!)

5. Be female.
It's lovely and adorable that we have some male readers. This is not, however, an appropriate space for your input. Jezebel will no longer have male commenters.

That's about it, although we will be at liberty to update, amend and change these rules without notice. Enjoy the new Jezebel!

About that approval: we only approve the comments we love (or love to hate) — so make sure you're adding something interesting to the post. If we approve your comment, your username and password will be activated and you'll be able to login to comment freely on Jezebel from then on (or at least until you piss us off and get booted).

For more, take a peek at our Commenter FAQ.

We only approve the comments we love — so make sure you're adding something of quality to the post. If we approve your comment, your username and password will be activated and you'll be able to login to comment freely on Jezebel from then on (or at least until you get banned).

For more, take a peek at our Commenter FAQ.