Working for a man is probably the only thing less fun than working for The Man. Both are probably going to end badly. But look: You're still trying, penning inflammatory columns to try and ramp up the Google Analytics score so you can get back into the career columnist game that just months ago left you abandoned and alone. Glad to see you've still got all that audacious hope! But here's the reality: look around. How many people do you really expect to die fully satisfied with their lives? One? Three? Now, what about the ones who are freezing their eggs. Do they probably have the worst odds of all of them? Yeah, like we discussed last week, a recession is coming. Everyone just needs to lower their standards. Life is pain! XOM

Want To Have A Baby? Now's The Time [Boston Globe]
Earlier: Want A Better Job? Stop Working Right Now And Get Your Nails Did

If you're overweight, you should probably put aside some of your work, accept that you won't be performing as well at the office, and manage your image more closely by going to the gym. That's right — get rid of that perfectionist streak, do a little less work, and use that time to make yourself look better. People will perceive that you're doing better work anyway...Here's something else: Dress like you care. Building a strong brand for yourself is the only way to create a stable career in today's workplace. You'll change jobs often, and what influences your ability to get new jobs most is the image you convey.

Before I took this job I was unemployed and trying to write a book about this phenomenon tentatively titled The Nothing-Based Economy. Because the reason nothing besides image, perception and toned obliques matters anymore is that this country has outsourced and/or automated and/or just totally given up on just about every other skill/function working people are supposed to exhibit beyond the careful cultivation of "brand," which is to say the creation of demand, for oneself and whatever it is one is trying to sell, which is to say nothing. Anyway, I worked pretty hard on it though I spent a fair amount of time moping around and downloading iTunes from the early nineties as well, but it was all pretty much an exercise in futility because, duh, it's not like I had a brand or anything.

And yeah, it is depressing. Maybe you should go for a career-boosting run? Or grab a beer, stay right the fuck here and take your paltry solace in the commenter-raderie because, really, would having an awesome "career" would be any more fulfilling?

Being Thin Is The Key To All Things [Yahoo! Finance]