housework - Jezebel

posts about #housework more →
Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Do Men Just Suck At Folding Laundry?
Is That A Mop In Your Pocket...
"Housework Makes British Men More Attractive"
What, Never?
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Domestic Disturbances
Do Men Who Do Housework Get Laid More?
Dudes Don't Mind If A Lady Brings Home The Bacon
Love To Cook? You're Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't

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Kali Mama
11/23/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
I'm a female breadwinner, and I thank the FSM on my knees to have the luxury of being able to employ a housekeeper 3 hours a week.
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Cerridwen
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Maybe I get annoyed with my significant other because I balk at the notion of traditional gender roles that dictate that women should take on the bulk of the domestic labour. Maybe I "nag" because, after working 40 hours a week when he only works half that, I want some time to myself to focus on things that are important to me. And those things do not include cleaning up my partner's messes and scrubbing out the toilet. Maybe I "nag" because I had a father who shared the housework 50/50 with my mother and never complained about it and never failed to clean up after himself and that was my male role model, so I expect that same level of work from my partner.

Or I could just not be feeling pretty enough.
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redqueenmeg
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
I don't ARTICULATE myself as the one who sees messes. HE DOES NOT SEE THEM.
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FroderickFronkensteen
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Because nothing says "femininity" like yelling at your doofy husband about fabric softener. According to Sara Haskins, anyway.
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la.donna.pietra
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Don't make me nag you into conducting useful studies, University of Missouri.
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MediasBlue
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Really? How does this explain a couple of my male co-workers who keep our shop spotless?

I nag Mr. MediasBlue since my standard of cleanliness is higher than his.

I'm going to change my name to MediasBlue Science and then walk around making pronouncements - Science says (insert my opinion). Then I'll always be right and then maybe these stupid studies won't bother me so much.
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curiousgeorgiana
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
"Women make their partners do more housework because it reduces their guilt about having a career."

If I can home to piles of trash or dishes, I would feel a little guilty about spending an extra hour or two at work. And then I would say, hey, where's my partner who's supposed to pitching in? And I'd ask them to help out. And ditch the guilt.

I don't think it's about feeling "feminine". It's about functioning and sharing the burden.
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Cimorene
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
1. Women are taught to "see the mess" from childhood. My brother was always in charge of mowing the lawn--one task, a robot could do it. I was always in charge of "cleaning the house," which takes knowledge of what's dirty and how to clean it, how to prioritize jobs, how to look at the house through my mom's eyes to see what I needed to do to get the house to what she considered clean. Women "nag" (ugh is there a more infuriating verb in the english language?) because they are the ones who see the mess. I have to clean the bathroom because my boyfriend can't clean the bathroom--he doesn't see the messes and mold that I see, because he was never expected to place his self-worth on the cleanliness of his house.
2. Which leads me to, women do most of the housework. That isn't to feel feminine, it's just the way it is*. A woman may ask her male partner to help her clean the house so that she doesn't have to be the primary breadwinner and the primary housecleaner/cook/childcare/sex kitteh/mom/wife/sister/daughter OH MY GOD TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY IT'S TIME FOR A REVOLUTION.
3. This study is bullshit.

*NB I am not advocating this position as a good thing, just the reality of most of the world. But we should work to change this!
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deitybox
11/22/09

@Cimorene: Hmm I think this has more to do with how individuals are raised than straight up male/female thing. My husband definitely sees mess a lot more than I do. I actually think it may have to do with socioeconomic levels, or values about household chores. I grew up in a house where my parents nagged at me to clean my room, but then every week the cleaning lady would come in and take care of it. My husband's family never had a cleaning person, so either he cleaned his room or it never got clean, hence, today he's much more cognizant of messiness, whereas I subconsciously operate under the assumption that the mess will get cleaned up eventually, regardless of my own personal effort. Which, I realize, is fucked up.
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Cerridwen
11/22/09

@deitybox: My father definitely "sees the mess." He doesn't exactly place his self-worth on how his house looks but he does think that keeping your house and your things neat, tidy, clean and well-maintained is a sign of maturity and, above all, respect. He grew up in a house with a mother who was very clean and very much the 50's homemaker. When I was growing up, my parents split the chores on a fairly gendered basis but they seem to have become completely egalitarian when my sister and I moved out. My dad cooks and cleans and vacuums and cleans the bathroom. He definitely learned to "see the mess." And I absorbed this perspective growing up. It drives me bonkers when my partner doesn't "see the mess" because I feel like it is a sign of disrespect - for me, for our home, for how hard I work to maintain it. And I got this almost entirely from my father.
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deitybox
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Riiight, so how about this? My husband is the breadwinner and also the primary homemaker, as he works from home and I'm in an intense grad school program that unfortunately leaves me barely any time to pitch in around the house. When he asks me to help out, is he seeking to connect with his inner femininity, or trying to get me to connect with mine, or is this just bullshit?
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Penny
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
I yell at my boyfriend about household chores because I hate vacuuming.

And doing the dishes.

And laundry.
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Artemis47
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Regardless of who's winning the bread, women are judged by how their houses look; men are not. So it makes sense that a husband's threshold for "The house is clean!" might be significantly below his wife's.
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RainbowBrite
11/22/09

@Artemis47: So true. When our landlady unexpectedly came into our apartment with the exterminator one day while we were at work and I was mortified that the floors were unwashed and the mail was piled on the entry table. My husband couldn't care less - why should he? It doesn't reflect on him. I'm the one who looks like I don't keep my house properly clean. Meh.
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HarpMadness
11/22/09

@Artemis47: Yeah, I have an aunt who had tried, over the years, to force her son and husband to do a few household chores by refusing to clean for a while. They always outlast her because, as you say, she is judged by how the house looks, while they are not. So, they can ignore it forever. It doesn't reflect on them the way it does on her.
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spamanda
11/22/09

@Artemis47: My husband is never EVER embarrassed by our messy house. I am. I don't expect it to be beautiful, but I hate it when someone just happens to "drop by" (usually one of my really clean aunts, dammit) and want to come in, see the kids, whatever.
It honestly doesn't phase him that we
"shouldn't" have dirty clothes all over the floor in the bedroom, or a full wastebasket in the bathroom.
Of course, I have two little kids, so honestly the housework just doesn't get done sometimes. And I deal. But I'm the one who feels "bad" about it, not him.
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coffeespoon
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Of course, it just COULDN'T be that the "female breadwinners" are nagging about housework because, hey, they're the ones winning the bread and not having time to do housework. Nope, I just need to bother my boyfriend about cleaning so that my domestic side can feel fulfilled.

(Also, I'm quite bad at spotting household messes. What do you mean, dirty laundry doesn't just get thrown on the floor?)
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Hooplehead
11/22/09

@coffeespoon: I am not showing this article to my sister because she and BIL have this argument almost daily. And I can assure the authors that she is NOT doing it to play with gender roles.
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SomeAuthorGirl
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Fuck that. In my case, the housework was only one among 3498752 things that pissed me off. None of it had zip to do with how feminine I am or feel.

You can piss right off back to the drawing board, University of Missouri. And while you're at it, use your next bit of funding to figure out why you're a bunch of assholes asking stupid questions about femininity vs nagging vs vacuuming when the world is on fire.

/rant
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AvgElitist
11/22/09

@SomeAuthorGirl: Proposed title for U of Mizzou: "Study claims that women hate reports that promulgate sad stereotypes that society just needs to drop."
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mommy_dearest
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
I usually don't much care about research like this and leave it to others to rip apart, but this is such a dumb conclusion. Why do the non-"breadwinning" women yell at their husbands about housework? To claim some masculinity? Pretty sure it all has to do with the same thing- having too damn much to do by yourself.
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PaintedTrollop
11/22/09

In reply to Study Claims That Women Yell At Men Over Housework In Order To "Feel More Feminine"
Oh, horsehockey. Women complain about housework because they get stuck doing most of it.

Oh, and I did NOT love Raymond. If there is a hell, that show will run on a continuous loop in my room.
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sayah
11/22/09

@PaintedTrollop: the parents, Marie and whats-his-name! Yuck.
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Maritsa
11/22/09

@PaintedTrollop: I despise that fucking show. It's everything bad about relationship cliches. And NOT FUNNY.
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PaintedTrollop
11/22/09

@sayah: They were awful. Awful. The big guy with the weird voice, who whined all the time. And no one ever told their mother to go mind her own fucking business, no matter how intrusive she was.
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PaintedTrollop
11/22/09

@Maritsa: That gets to the heart of it, Maritsa. It wasn't funny. Frantic clichedom is not funny.

#tips
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HarpMadness
11/22/09

@PaintedTrollop: Frantic clichedom! That's brilliant.
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midwesternmom
11/22/09

@PaintedTrollop: I once ended a relationship because we were coming back from a so-so vacation and the plane showed 6 straight hours of Raymond. He laughed, I seethed. And seriously plotted throwing his stupid Raymond-liking ass out the emergency exit.
After six hours, getting a moment's silence seemed like an emergency to me.
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
11/22/09

@PaintedTrollop: I love that you don't love Raymond. I don't wish they'd merely go off the air; I wish they'd drop off.

(My mother, however, loves it. There's a relational issue there, I'm sure, but I'm reluctant to parse it.)
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Maritsa
11/22/09

@Rooo sez BISH PLZ: Mine too. She recognizes how f'ed up the family is but I'm sure she'd love to live across the street from me and my sister. Not happening.

The really funny thing is that my mom's close friend and business partner IS Marie, but has never seen the show. Her son lives down the street (nothing inherently wrong with that), she is UP in his family's business all the time, down to talking to HIS WIFE when he complains TO HIS MOMMY ABOUT HIS SEX LIFE!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry for the caps, y'all. These people blow my mind.)
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PaintedTrollop
11/22/09

@midwesternmom: You did the right thing. He was not worthy.

#tips
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